“My partner refuses to get the snip even though we know we’re one and done…”

In this month’s Between You and Me, we’re chatting baby name anxiety/theft (the fear is real), being the ‘non-invited’ wedding guest (always awkward), facing favouritism accusations at work and vasectomy disagreements…

Now you can have your say, too! Don’t miss our BYAM polls over on Instagram.

Lareese’s Advice

Baby name anxiety SUCKS. I feel that to my core as someone who is trying to conceive and has been for a wee while. Ultimately, I’ve made my peace with the fact that it doesn’t really matter if someone else takes the name you like, if you love it you should still use it regardless! It’s hard to find a name that you wholeheartedly love and it’s fine to feel protective of that. I would chat to your pal and just say look just so you know, this doesn’t have to be a big deal but that baby name you said you liked is actually top of my list (great minds think alike and all that) and I’d rather you knew now than run the risk of causing any awkwardness or drama later down the line. And hey, trends change – the names I liked when I was in my 20s are not the same names I’d choose now, so find some comfort in the fact that you or your friend might change your minds when your lovely babies have arrived and you can see what name suits them.

Maddie’s Advice

I totally get it, when you’re pregnant or trying, baby names become a fixation. Without trying you become on high alert for any whispers of someone liking your top pick. As hard as it is to do, remember that things change, tastes change and a name you love now may get the sharp veto when the time comes. That being said if you both end up naming your child the same thing, i also think that’s absolutely fine. If you love it, don’t let that stand in your way. I think if it’s not a family member, it’s fair game. Just have a conversation about it first.

Danielle’s Advice

As with most Qs about weddings, I usually side with the Bride and Groom as people are SO quick to forget that it’s THEIR day. Their one special day where everything is about them and the love they have for each other. So regardless of whether they have kids or not they can decide if they want kids there, maybe they only want theirs there? They also don’t need to have their wedding be all or none when it comes to children, maybe some close family and friends are able to bring there’s but others are not. Kids can be a huge extra cost and honestly quite loud and annoying ha, they also probably won’t even remember it in most cases. A lot of parents are also grateful for the night off from watching little ones. Either way, everyone should just respect the wishes of the Bride and Groom it’s a free party after all!

Darcey’s Advice

I can definitely see both sides for this one! If the bride and groom don’t have kids, I see how naturally they would probably be less inclined to have other people’s kids at their wedding, as the responsibility of them stops the parents maybe having as much fun. However I do really feel like kids can bring a lot to weddings, I really cherish the weddings I went to as a child and also have really enjoyed the excitement kids feel on wedding days as an adult. I suppose if you don’t have children in your close family, having your mate’s kids probably isn’t as sentimental, but maybe to consider close family? A few weddings I’ve attended the kids have had to leave at 8-9pm, they usually went home with the grandparents etc who were happy to leave at that time too and then everyone else stayed to let loose a bit more. At the end of the day, it’s 100% the bride and groom’s decision and I think anyone going to the wedding would respect that.

Charlotte’s Advice

This is tricky! It’s lovely having friends in the office and it seems a shame if you now feel like you need to be careful of showing your closeness, but if you’re confident it’s genuinely not impacted your work or opportunities in a professional capacity then I’d say carry on as you are! Really the responsibility should fall to your friend/manager as the one in the position of authority here, so you could ask them to perhaps hold back a little when it comes to being overly familiar and ‘BFF vibes’ at work and keep the in-jokes and hugs to post 5pm, and really that’s all there is to it!

When it comes to social media, maybe only share any out-of-office hangouts to your ‘close friends’ Stories until things blow over, but as I said the responsibility really falls to your manager to show there isn’t any favouritism happening and everyone is being presented with equal opportunities. Close friendships with those at work means boundaries inevitably become blurry, so do keep that in mind too, especially when that person is your superior!

Darcey’s Advice

This sounds super annoying to me, so I get the frustration! Being accused your manager is favouring you over others just because you are close seems a bit childish if I’m honest. I mean of course, if you were working a sales job for example and they gave you all the best clients, then I’d say that was crossing a line in your workplace relationship, but if nothing like that is happening and you are just genuinely good friends but know where the line is drawn professionally, I see no issue. I think because of blurred lines happening sometimes in workplace friendships, people can sometimes feel threatened by that, but I think as long as you continue on just being good pals but also getting the work done, people will soon realise it’s not impacting them in anyway.

Charlotte’s Advice

Ahh, the age-old dilemma and intricacies that come with living with a friend or partner- it’s complicated! If you’re enjoying your time living with your bestie then don’t cut it short for a boy- if he’s the one he’ll still be there 12 months down the line and if your current dynamic is working then maybe now isn’t the time to shake it up. There’s typically such a small window in our lives in which we can live with friends before it’s the norm to be in a serious relationship and move in with S/O, so I would lap it up and enjoy this time that you’ll no doubt look back on in your 40s and 50s and be so glad of. Maybe warn your friend that once your next renewal is up you’re thinking about a change in your next chapter, but if I were you I’d lean into wine Wednesdays with a rom-com, gossiping about the night before in each other’s beds on a Sunday morning and borrowing each other’s clothes for last-minute plans galore!

Danielle’s Advice

I think when you get to that point with your other half you want to move in with them ASAP! It feels like a nice next step and is a really key progression for your relationship. Your friend may already have a feeling you’d like to move in with him so don’t worry too much about having ‘the conversation’ if she’s your best friend she’s obviously going to understand where you’re coming from, as long as you give her ample time to make other arrangements there’s no reason she should be annoyed or upset with you. People grow and change and move, it’s all a part of life, can’t live with your bestie forever. Make plans to head to the same retirement home so you can be roomies again when you’re old and playing bingo (that’s what my friends I have decided ha!).

Maddie’s Advice

I think it’s incredibly unfair how the responsibility of contraception is often weighted towards women. If both parties don’t want to have children and have made the final decision on that life choice then why should it automatically fall on the woman in the relationship to ensure they don’t fall pregnant? If a man isn’t prepared to wear a condom for the rest of his sex life then why should we take a pill every day, alter our hormones or have coils inserted for them? I certainly think it’s a conversation worth having than something that’s immediately written off.

Charlotte’s Advice

I totally get the frustration that as women it’s somewhat expected we’ll ‘take one for the team’ when it comes to contraception and the pill, but I also think no matter the speed or simplicity of a vasectomy, ultimately it’s your partner’s body and they can’t be forced into a surgery they don’t feel comfortable with. It seems like a simple solution when you know you don’t want more children, but perhaps for him there are underlying anxieties about having a medical procedure that run deeper and he doesn’t feel able to communicate right now?

It’s estimated that 2% of men who choose sterilisation will experience long-term genital pain, and whilst unlikely, I do understand that for some men that’s considered too great a risk. Continue the conversations as I feel this frustration will only continue to manifest unless you can get to the root of the ‘why’, but I’d say try not to be too hard on him about something which ultimately does concern his body.

Gratitude is great. Focusing on the good, no matter how big or small- what’s not to love? But sometimes things aren’t all rainbows and sunshine and recognising that without feeling the need to look at your life with rose-tinted glasses can be a relief in a world in which it feels like you’re putting out *bad vibes* if you’re anything other than a member of the positivity posse. For those of us who can’t help but feel a little glass half empty at times (spoiler: all of us), let us introduce: ingratitude journaling.  

It’s okay to feel sad, stressed, at the end of your tether, angry, betrayed and any other emotion deemed ‘negative’, because sometimes life gives us no other choice, and this is what ingratitude journalling is all about- letting out the emotions you’ve squashed because they feel uncomfortable or easier to repress and giving them permission to take up space, just for a little bit.

The past few years have been especially heavy, and not acknowledging the hard times along with the good can in fact be detrimental to our nervous system and health- what we don’t feel or acknowledge consciously is likely to show up in our bodies elsewhere at some point, be it tension headaches, upset stomachs or twinges in our back when something goes wrong. Living an experience that isn’t authentic for the sake of ‘staying positive’ is the epitome of toxic positivity, and we’re waving goodbye to it in 2022.

You let it out honey, put it in the book.

Gretchen Weiner

Truth be told, although there are certainly feelings we’d rather not feel, there’s actually no such thing as a bad feeling. Emotions exist as a way for our minds and bodies to communicate something as feeling right or wrong within us, guiding us in a direction that brings us peace or warning us of the things that don’t align with our values. They may be uncomfortable, but there’s always something valuable to be gained from reflecting on why something makes us feel a certain way, and ingratitude journaling is a great way to hone in on this aspect of self-discovery and uncover what makes you tick. Understanding what triggers anxiety, feelings of shame and discomfort can be a superpower in helping you manage your mental health more effectively and set you on a path for healing when you know the true root of an emotion. The journey to knowing yourself is a lifelong one, but digging deeper into the feelings we might immediately want to get rid of will accelerate your journey tenfold. 

“Writing things you’re ungrateful for won’t make them go away, but it will help give you direction.” says Chance Marshall of Self Space, the on-demand therapy service: “It will help you identify patterns, themes and things that are repeated. It will help you focus on the things you can change. It will move you from awareness into action.” 

Here’s why awareness might just be the step you’re missing in your mental health development…

Imagine you’re dating someone new, it’s going well but they’re suddenly going through a busy patch at work and say they’ll be on their phone less in the day. Rationally, you know this is no reflection of your closeness and their feelings for you, but you still find yourself feeling a little rejected after being left on ‘read’ for a few hours and your mind starts running away with you. Instead of pushing down, squashing the feeling completely and arranging last-minute drinks with the girls to take your mind off it, what would happen if you sat with those feelings? If you paused for a moment and looked a little deeper at your past experiences and what this might feel reflective of? Maybe a previous ex whose communication was so lacklustre you might as well have been having a convo with yourself, or you realise it’s reminiscent of your relationship with your mum who you feel never quite acknowledges or hears your needs. If we ignore the emotions trying to signal to us that we’re seemingly in danger or being reminded of a previous situation that hurt us, we move closer away from healing and thus the process begins again. 

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.

Carl Yung

Interested? Let’s talk about the basics of ingratitude journaling…

1. Find a quiet spot to sit where you won’t be disturbed.
2. Grab a journal or piece of paper and a pen. Top tip: hand writing is preferable to typing as our thoughts are naturally slowed along with the pace of pen to paper, making it easier to process our feelings and allowing us to dig deeper.
3. Start listing the things that have gone wrong, left you feeling disappointed, cheated, hard done by or tearful. The job you didn’t get that you know you would have been perfect for, the ex who cheated with the girl you *knew* was sus all along, the nagging flat mate whose cleaning standards you can never seem to live up to, or the argument you had with your sister over who was responsible for the Mother’s Day card that was never purchased. Let it spill out onto the page in all its messy glory, unapologetically.
4. Read back your list and divide it into two columns:  things you can control and things you can’t. 
5. Reflect and think about some small and tangible changes you can make to the things that are within your control, maybe having an honest conversation with a friend about something that’s irked you, and practice acceptance and kindness towards the things that are fractious, knowing it’s okay to feel whatever has come up. 

Happy complaining! 

Dearest gentle reader, it’s March which means the social season is upon us, or rather more accurately put: the season we stop being social is upon us because Bridgerton Season 2 (sans the rakiest rake that ever was) has finally made haste and is back on our screens this very month. How we burn for it. Anyone else hoping Madame Delacroix can fix us up with a gown for the occasion? 

Before it was the best thing Netflix ever did, the Bridgerton world was first brought to life in Julia Quinn’s eight-book historical romance series, with each novel dedicated to a different Bridgerton child’s love story. With a canon as rich as that, we wager we’ll be in for at least eight drops of steamy Netflix seasons, if not more. 

The first series debuted in 2020 and was loosely based on the events of the first novel The Duke and I, which centres on the eldest Bridgerton daughter Daphne (Phoebe Dynevor) and her debut onto Regency London’s competitive marriage market. To keep her marriage-minded loved ones at bay, she forms a fake courtship with Simon Basset the Duke of Hastings (Regé-Jean Page) and it works… until they fall head over spoons and ladders in real love.

Daphne and the Duke will be passing the Bonkerton baton to Lord Anthony Bridgerton for Season 2, which follows the second book in the series The Viscount Who Loved Me, and let’s just say a scandalous love triangle is afoot in the Ton. 

We suspect a certain scribbling author and gossipmonger will have plenty to say about that. Bring on the Pall Mall scene and the Mallet of Death… (IYKYK). 

For those who *still* haven’t seduced their own retinas with Netflix’s most-watched tv show of all time (can’t relate), here’s your chance to redeem your virtue once and for all ahead of National Bridgerton day on March 25 – aka the day Season 2 premieres. Please endeavour to complete all eight episodes of the first series in a timely fashion or prepare to fall foul of Lady Whistledown’s pen. 

Until that fine day graces us with its presence, we’ve rounded up the best Bridgerton-esque books to fill the Shondaland-shaped hole in our lives. 

The Regency vibes are positively immaculate if we do say so ourselves. Psst bring your own snuff. 

1. Reputation – Lex Croucher 

If Bridgerton and Sex Education had a book baby, it would be Reputation. A classic rom-com with a feminist Regency twist, the debut novel from Lex Croucher is this season’s incomparable diamond.

It follows a lonely and vulnerable Georgina Ellers as she finds herself mixing with the upper echelons of society, who introduce her to a whole new world of unfathomable wealth, drunken debauchery, and mysterious young men. 

Buy it here

2. The Bridgerton Series – Julia Quinn  

They say patience is a virtue but if you can’t wait to find out what’s next for the Bridgerton family and the rest of the Ton then why not make your way through Julia Quinn’s eight-book series with page-turning haste. The reading session shall be flawless, my dear. 

Buy the series here

3. A Lady’s Guide to Mischief and Mayhem – Manda Collins

Both romance and mystery fans will find their bookish match with Manda Collins’ quippy Victorian tale with a whodunit twist. 

England, 1865: Notorious newspaper columnist Lady Katherine Bascomb is determined to educate the ladies of London on the nefarious criminals who are praying on the fairer sex. But when her reporting leads to the arrest of an infamous killer, Katherine flees to a country house party to escape her doubts about the case – only to become witness to a murder herself. When the lead detective accuses Katherine of inflaming – rather than informing – the public with her column, she vows to prove him wrong.

Detective Inspector Andrew Eversham’s refusal to compromise his investigations nearly cost him his career, and he blames Katherine. When he discovers she’s the key witness in a new crime, he’s determined to prevent the beautiful widow from once again wreaking havoc on his case. Yet as Katherine proves surprisingly insightful and Andrew impresses Katherine with his lethal competency, both are forced to admit the fire between them is more flirtatious than furious. But to explore the passion between them, they’ll need to catch a killer . . .

Buy it here

4. Bringing Down the Duke – Evie Dunmore

A brilliant and plucky bluestocking named Annabelle Archer must recruit influential men to champion the women’s suffrage movement and the cold and calculating aristocrat Sebastian Devereux, the most powerful duke in England, is top of her list. A historical romp with plenty of swoonworthy moments, longing glances and brooding dialogue to boot. For anyone looking for a 10/10 enemies to lovers plot, you’ll be flipping pages all through the night with this one. 

Buy it here

5. To Have and to Hoax – Martha Waters

With a cast of intriguing characters, a respectable amount of steam and grade A banter and bickering, Waters’ debut is a feel-good Regency adventure, perfect for those looking for a slice of literary escapism.  

The course of true love – or irritation – never did run smooth.

Five years ago, Lady Violet Grey and Lord James Audley met, fell in love, and married.

Four years ago, they had a fight to end all fights, and have barely spoken since. Their once-passionate love may have dissolved into cold, detached politeness, but when Violet receives a letter that James has been thrown from his horse, she races to be by his side – only to discover him alive, well, and baffled by her concern.

Outraged, Violet decides to feign an illness of her own to teach her estranged husband a lesson. And so begins an ever-escalating game of manipulation – and a great deal of flirtation between a husband and wife who might not hate each other as much as they thought.

Buy it here

6. My Fake Rake – Eva Leigh 

“There’s no should when it comes to what we feel. There aren’t scientific laws when it comes to the human heart.”

In the first book of Eva Leigh’s Union of the Rakes series, a bluestocking hires a faux suitor to help her land an ideal husband, only to be blindsided by real desire. That slow burn manufactured attachment trope has had us in a permanent chokehold since Dec 2020.

Lady Grace Wyatt is content as a wallflower, focusing on scientific pursuits rather than the complications of society matches. But when a handsome, celebrated naturalist returns from abroad, Grace wishes, for once, to be noticed. Her solution: to create the perfect man, to act as her suitor, and help her catch his eye. Grace’s colleague, anthropologist Sebastian Holloway, is just the blank slate she requires.

To further his own research on English society, Sebastian agrees to let Grace transform him from a bespectacled, bookish academic into a dashing-albeit fake-rake. Between secret lessons on how to be a rogue and exaggerated public flirtations, Grace’s feelings for Sebastian grow from friendship into undeniable, inconvenient, real attraction. If only she hadn’t asked him to help her marry someone else.

Sebastian is in love with brilliant, beautiful Grace, but their bargain is complete, and she desires another. Yet when he’s faced with losing her forever, Sebastian will do whatever it takes to tell her the truth, even if it means risking his own future-and his heart.

Buy it here

7. The Little Book of Bridgerton – Charlotte Browne

Want to become an expert in the art of the swoon or brush up on your Regency etiquette? The Little Book of Bridgerton is the perfect pocket-sized gift for any superfans looking to add a feather to their cap. Combining bitesize Regency-era history with trivia and fun quizzes such as ‘which Bridgerton character are you?’ consider this your social guide to the topsy turvy world of the scandal-filled Ton. Dear gentle reader, you shall go to the debutante ball!  

Buy it here

8. Something Fabulous – Alexis J. Hall

If your only gripe with the Bridgerton tv series was the lack of queer storytelling and LGBTQ+ characters (the season 1 trailer teased a gay sex scene which suggested we could expect some queer plotlines) then leave it up to Alexis J. Hall to deliver the fabulously gay Regency romp noticeably absent in the land of the Ton.

Valentine Layton, the Duke of Malvern, has twin problems: literally.

It was always his father’s hope that Valentine would marry Miss Arabella Tarleton. But, unfortunately, too many novels at an impressionable age have caused her to grow up…romantic. So romantic that a marriage of convenience will not do and after Valentine’s proposal she flees into the night determined never to set eyes on him again.

Arabella’s twin brother, Mr. Bonaventure “Bonny” Tarleton, has also grown up…romantic. And fully expects Valentine to ride out after Arabella and prove to her that he’s not the cold-hearted cad he seems to be.

Despite copious misgivings, Valentine finds himself on a pell-mell chase to Dover with Bonny by his side. Bonny is unreasonable, overdramatic, annoying, and…beautiful? And being with him makes Valentine question everything he thought he knew. About himself. About love. Even about which Tarleton he should be pursuing.

Buy it here

The first day of Spring is just around the corner – seriously, it’s been winter for 84 years – and if you’re anything like us, you’ll be itching to take a hoover to your coats and jumpers as you vacuum pack them away for another six months (here’s hoping) and banish them to the loft. 

It’s time to reunite with your strappy camis and Teva sandals and prepare to shed ya former sad girl autumn winter personalities in favour of warmer weather, lighter layers and carefree hot girl spring vibes. 

And because gorgeous girls match their manicures to the seasons, we’ve handpicked 50 Spring nail art ideas that understood the assignment loud and clear. You’re welcome! 

1. We’ll take a mini egg mani and nothing less. 

Via @naileditbeauty

2. Pastels for Spring, groundbreaking (but it is though) 

Via @naileditbeauty

3. POV: you’re a Disney villain. 

Via @bw.nails_

4. The pastel tip vibes are immaculate. 

Via @Nailsbyyagel

5. *Cries in Spring*

Via @Nailsbyyagel

6. Gorgeous, gorgeous girls get a different design on every nail. 

Via @nails.bab

7. One with Spring and Summer appeal.  

Via @allnailss._

8. The shade of the season. 

Via @allnailss._

9. Glossy hits different.

Via @bysarah____

10. Holiday mani, completed it. 

Via @nailsbyyagal

11. Just missing an obligatory Margarita. 

Via @gelsbybry

12. Big rainbow energy. 

Via @gelsbybry

13. Is it even Spring if you’re not wearing daisies on everything?

Via @pressedbycharlotte_

14. This is your outfit for today. 

Via @joelyoceannails

15. A moment of silence for this colour combo. 

Via @nailsbyheathere

16. Want something suitably floral? Try these hand-painted Takashi Murakami inspired flowers. 

Via @nuka.nails

17. She understood the assignment.

Via @illustrated_nails

18. Glitter and waves? *Subscribes immediately*

Via @nailsfordais

19. A major Spring mood. 

Via @illustrated_nails

20. It’s giving Starbursts. 

Via @nailartbychlo

21. Manifesting a March heatwave. 

Via @manisbyannie

22. Swirl nails. Sign us up!

Via @tori.nailedit

23. Squiggles and a nude base. Stunning. 

Via @nailsbyyagalstudio

24. You are the vitamin d. 

Via @nailsby_gxx

25. Bridgerton season 2. Let’s go!

Via @staceymachin

26.  Extra is a personality type.  

Via @clawsbysandy

27. A hot Spring take on frenchies. Here for it. 

Via @luvlynailsss

28. Cool pastels to elevate your everyday neutrals. 

Via @vwnails_

29. Nature is the brief. 

Via @vwnails_

30. The shape, the simplicity, the monochrome. They’re a triple threat.

Via @vwnails_

31. A pastel ombre dream.

Via @blush_nailsbytan

32. Goddess mode: activated.

Via @brontesnailsandbeauty

33. It’s the application for us.

Via @blush_nailsbytan

34 It’s all about the Spring swirls. 

Via @nailsbynicole.__

35 Alexa, play Frank Ocean – Pink & White. 

Via @nailsbynicole.__

36. This blue set = god tier. 

Via @nails.by.zo_

37. Micro florals for the beautiful wallflowers of the world.  

Via @nails.by.zo_

38. Tapered square nails with fresh white tips. 

Via @sosweetnails_

39. Pink and red isn’t just for Galentine’s. 

Via @hardasnails_studio

40. Go bright or go home.

Via @hardasnails_studio

41. Queen Melanie can do no wrong. She is the OG manicure extraordinaire.

Via @overglowedit

42. A solid Spring palette. 

Via @overglowedit

43. Sunshine in a mani. 

Via @manikur.brighton

44. Spring equinox isn’t ready. 

Via @manikur.brighton

45. Loving him was red. 

Via @gels.bytia

46 Eyes on the prize. 

Via @the_nail_studio

47. All power to the flower. 

Via @dixie_plates

48. A happy mood right at your fingertips. 

Via @nailpolishsociety

49. Pov: you’ve just discovered the goblincore aesthetic. 

Via @nailsxsonia

50. Mani Monday made. 

Via @blingjewelry

The month of March signifies the marking of International Women’s Day in our calendars, and acts as both a celebration of all the wonderful achievements of women past and present, as well as a reminder of the long road ahead of us in reaching a place of equality and justice for women everywhere. 

If there’s one thing we love to shout about more than anything, regularly and especially on days like IWD, it’s the talent, entrepreneurship, determination and creativity of the women who’s small businesses help them build a life they love, and who’s products are simply chefs kiss. From interiors to beauty, fashion to food, and bottles that will keep a whole 750ml of wine cool on a summers day (ingenious), women are changing the game in every industry and we simply love to see it! Today we’re sharing 26 of our favourite female-fronted small businesses perfect for treating the wonderful women in your life in need of a pick-me-up, or to congratulate yourself for getting through the oftentimes difficult task of existing in a female body in a patriarchal world. We’re doing great, gals! 

Keep scrolling to shop unique artwork from Lucy Mahon, lust-worthy loungewear from Après Sunday, statement jewellery from July Child and activewear you won’t want to take off courtesy of TALA. Apologies in advance to your bank balance…

*This post contains ad-affiliate links

The sobbing-in-the-shower song that lifts you up when the world feels like it’s crashing down around you. The break-up anthem that’s got you through the ending of the relationship you knew was bad news but held onto anyway. The dancing around your room in your underwear, feeling like the ultimate bad b*tch after a glass of Vino on a Friday night song. The karaoke classic that all the girls grab for a mic upon hearing the first 0.02 seconds of. The song that instantly transports you to warmer climates, cool drink in hand and bopping across a sticky dancefloor. Music is indisputably emotive, and sometimes the difference between a great day or a terrible one, getting the job or freezing mid-interview, and giving your number to the guy you’ve been making eyes with at the bar for the past hour, or avoiding flirtatious glances altogether.

As part of International Women’s Day 2022 we’re extending the celebrations all week long, and today we’re celebrating the brilliant female artists that share their deepest vulnerabilities, loves, losses and everything in between to create music that we feel so deeply connected to. Too often women within the music industry are pitted against each other, with everything from their appearance, weight, red carpet looks and relationships judged under a microscope, being held to impossible standards that would wear even the most self-assured souls down. Today we’re celebrating the unity, connection and ‘I feel so SEEN’ emotions the female artists we know and love create when sharing their art, and took to Instagram to ask YOU which empowering bops always leave you feeling 10/10. The result? A playlist of songs by women we’ve long admired, always there when you need an added pep in your step and slice of joy in your day, and you best believe it will be on repeat in Zoella HQ for the foreseeable.

Find the playlist on Spotify here!

Whilst every day is International Women’s Day in our book, the 8^th March is globally recognised as *the* day we come together to celebrate the social, economical, cultural and political achievements of women. It’s also a day to raise awareness of inequality and drive positive change to forge a gender-equal world, free of stereotypes and discrimination. 

After recent reports that the pandemic has exacerbated existing gender inequalities, setting back progress by decades – especially for women from minority Black or Asian backgrounds – this year’s IWD and the #BreakTheBias theme feels more poignant than ever. 

Whether deliberate or unconscious, gender bias is what holds women back from equal opportunities in every area of our lives. It’s what prevents women from climbing the ladder, being hired, promoted, believed, taken seriously or even listened to. 

Unconscious bias and deep-rooted prejudices are so ingrained in our unequal societies that they’re not always easy to spot, thus increasingly difficult to combat. 

Each of these eight galvanizing books help to shine a light on the implicit nature of bias and how it shapes the way we live, whilst providing powerful insights on how we can challenge those ingrained belief systems. 

From the pay gap to the motherhood penalty, here’s a list of eight essential reads to add to your shelves this International Women’s Day so that we can break the bias and elevate women, all the way to the top. 

1 Invisible Women – Caroline Criado Perez

With hoards of eye-opening data, stories and new research, award-winning campaigner Caroline Criado Perez will help you understand the unseen bias at work in our everyday lives in a world designed for and by, drum roll please…. men.  

From government policy to technology and medical research, Invisible Women reveals data bias that systemically ignores, overlooks and excludes half of the global population with its one size-fits-all-men approach. 

Reading it will be both an inspiring and infuriating journey. Put it in the freezer at regular intervals. 

Purchase the book from Bookshop.org here!

2 The Gendered Brain: The Neuroscience That Shatters the Myth of the Female Brain – Gina Rippon 

Cognitive neuroscientist Gina Rippon has spent her career questioning ideas that the brains of men and women are fundamentally different. Using cutting edge neuroscience, she debunks the destructive stereotypes we face on a daily basis and raises some interesting questions about how these expectations condition our brains and shape our behaviours and abilities to our detriment. 

In her book, she exposes flawed research – turns out even impartial science can be sexist – and examines the effects of living in a gendered world. 

“Brains reflect the lives they have lived, not just the sex of their owners,” Rippon says. In other words, our brains absorb and reflect social attitudes that surround us, meaning it’s not biology but self-belief, social experiences, culture and politics that are the real brain changers. 

Purchase the book from Booksahop.org here!

3 Why Women Are Poorer Than Men & What We Can Do About It – Annabelle Williams

“Feminism has always been about economics, but economics hasn’t generally been about women” – Annabelle Williams

In her book Why Women Are Poorer Than Men former financial journalist for The Times, Annabelle Williams, reveals what got us to where we are and what we can do to incite positive change. Finance is a feminist issue and the gender pay gap is only part of the story. In order to guarantee true financial equality, women need to reclaim parts of the system they have been culturally excluded from, from pensions to pay structures, to investments.

This ground-breaking expose will empower your financial decisions and arm you with the knowledge needed to demand equality and challenge the ingrained beliefs that hold us back from moving forward. It’s time to rethink our approach to money. 

Purchase the book from Bookshop.org here!

4 Inferior: How Science Got Women Wrong – Angela Saini 

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus – we’re fundamentally different. For centuries, that’s what Science has told us but is that the whole story? 

Here, science journalist Angela Saini looks into the gender wars of science, biology, psychology and anthropology to see how true that is, shedding light on controversial research and revealing an alternative view of science in which women are included, not excluded.  

Purchase the book from Bookshop.org here!

5 Women & Leadership – Julia Gillard & Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala

While women in leadership roles are on the rise, they still make up less than 10% of national leaders worldwide. If unequal access to power fills you with visceral rage, then this book will resonate.

Drawing on current research and conversation with some of the world’s most powerful women including Jacinda Ardern and Hillary Clinton, Women & Leadership is a timely call for a seismic change in the stale patterns of authority. 

It explores the trajectories and lived experiences of female leaders, revealing the shocking reality of the continuing gender inequality in access to power and how unconscious bias shapes the way these women are perceived by the media.  

Purchase the book from Bookshop.org here!

6 The Motherhood Penalty – Joeli Brearley 

Exploring the stark reality of motherhood and career discrimination, author Joeli Brearley – who was sacked whilst pregnant via voicemail (true story!) – highlights the price women pay throughout their career if they decide to have a child. 

We’ve all heard of the gender pay gap but The Motherhood Penalty explores the procreation pay gap that exists between mothers and non-mothers. By the age of 42, mothers who are in full-time work are earning 11 per cent less than full-time women without children (TUC), compared with men who benefit from a fatherhood bonus, receiving a 6% pay increase on average according to the New York Times. This bias has a profound effect on women’s career prospects forever. With the second most expensive childcare system in the world, women in the UK are given no choice but to walk away from their careers or pay to go to work.

Whether you’re a mother who is sick of being sidelined, undermined, and underpaid. A stay-at-home mother who wants to work but can’t afford to. A future parent who is scared that having children will affect your career. An employer who wants to get the best out of its parent employees, or you simply want a stronger, fairer economy, The Motherhood Penalty is an expose of the work practices and antiquated systems that we’ve been conditioned to accept and a toolkit for how to challenge them. It’s full of practical advice to help you navigate systemic barriers when they slap you in the face.

Purchase the book from Bookshop.org here!

7 The Authority Gap – Mary Ann Sieghart 

Eye-opening and gloriously galvanising, The Authority Gap reveals the unconscious and deliberate bias at work in our everyday lives and reflected in the world around us. It demonstrates that despite the strides we’ve made toward equality, women are still not taken as seriously as men. 

With illuminating contributions from Booker Prize winner Bernardine Evaristo, Mary Beard, Baroness Hale and Hillary Clinton, it is an impassioned, meticulously argued and optimistic call to arms for anyone who cares about creating a fairer society. 

Send to all the men you know. 

Purchase the book from Bookshop.org here!

8 The Fictional Woman -Tara Moss 

In her first non-fiction book, Tara Moss blends memoir and social analysis to examine the common fictions about women. She traces key moments in her life – from small-town tomboy in Canada, to international fashion model in the 90s, to bestselling author taking a polygraph test in 2002 to prove she writes her own work – and weaves her own experiences into a broader look at everyday sexism and issues surrounding the underrepresentation of women, modern motherhood, body image and the portrayal of women in politics, entertainment, advertising and the media. 

Deeply personal and revealing, this is more than just Tara Moss’s own story. At once insightful, challenging and entertaining, she asks how we can change the old fictions, one woman at a time.

For anyone who thinks the fight for equality has already been won… give them this book. 

Purchase the book here!

Let’s hear it for the on-screen baddies! 

As terrifying as they might be, there’s also something admirable about their wicked deeds and appetite for evil and corruption. Whilst we can’t condone skinning puppies, murdering your own cousin or putting a sleeping curse on a child, you can’t help but root for these beautifully nuanced femme fatales. 

From Miranda Priestly to Maleficent, complicated psychopaths and drag queen inspired sea witches, here’s 12 magnificently mean anti-heroes we can’t help but love. 

Bellatrix Lestrange – Harry Potter 

One of the most terrifying and unpredictable characters in the Potterverse (and Voldemort’s most loyal wing-woman) Bellatrix Lestrange is one witch we wouldn’t want to f*ck with. Devoid of remorse and morally bankrupt, she’s responsible for some of the most heinous acts in Harry Potter. Need we remind you of Dobby’s demise?

She may have murdered her own cousin and tortured wizards and muggles alike but something about Helen Bonham Carter’s crazed cackle and mock baby voice made Bella a beautiful monster with mad Dark Art skills. As for traditional gender roles? She Avada Kedavras all over them. 

Miranda Priestly – Devil Wears Prada

Where would we be without florals for spring, ground-breaking? The infamous Editor-in-Chief portrayed by queen Meryl may be savage, sarcastic and impossible to please, but she didn’t get to the top by being laid back and likeable. She’s savage, assertive and rules the Runway office with an iron fist, and she just so happens to be a boss who’s a woman. If she were a man, all those traits would be most unremarkable. 

Maleficent – Sleeping Beauty

Sure, she may be a cold and callous Mistress of Evil but what made her that way? Why, King Stefan of course, when he robbed her wings to get to the throne. In the live action film starring Angelina Jolie, we get to see that maybe there’s two sides to every story and Maleficent isn’t the horned villain without a heart but rather a tragic hero instead. 

Cruella de Vil -Cruella

Easily one of Disney’s most evil villains (clue’s in the name), Cruella has been terrifying children and adults for over 60 years. Like Maleficent, her character got the origin story treatment in the live-action film Cruella, starring Emma Stone as the infamous dog-napper. Set in 1970s London amidst the punk rock revolution, the prequel sees the titular character known then as Estella, working as a fashion designer for fashion maven Baroness Von Hellman. In this coming-of-age film, she’s not cast as the evil unhinged puppy killer 101 Dalmatians made her out to be, but a rebellious orphan motivated by the trauma of her mother’s death and driven to a life of crime. We’re not saying we forgive her, for there are some crimes from which there is no redemption and skinning fictional puppies for spotty coats is one of them. Emma Stone’s Cruella, however, is decisively more human. She’s bad(ass) but she’s not evil. 

Regina George – Mean Girls

As the ultimate Queen Bee of North Shore High and leader of The Plastics, Regina George was the obvious choice for a socialite villain but was she the nastiest skank bitch we’ve ever met? That seems a bit excessive. So what if her hair was insured for $10,00 dollars and she told Jason to shave his back – she wasn’t the only wolf in pink clothing. What about Cady and Janis scheming to make her “fat”? The woman thought butter was a carb for crying out loud, she was fair game. 

Whilst her character was no saint, Regina-Stop-Trying-To-Make-Fetch-Happen-George certainly gave us a whole Burn Book of iconic pop culture material to quote for years to come. She was a flawed and fallible human being just like the rest of us and to those who disagree we say: boo, you whore. As Aaron Samuels shrewdly observes, “there’s good and bad in everybody, Regina’s just more upfront about it”. 

Ursula – The Little Mermaid

Embracing her fatness, her purple skin and her greys? My dear sweet child, that’s what she does. It’s what she lives for. The half-woman half-octopus is a shape-shifting sea witch with a full face of makeup she squeezes out of an unsuspecting shellfish. Poor unfortunate soul. And for that, she might just go down as one of the best villains Disney’s ever made. Her voice is all over TikTok, proving that 32 years after she first graced our screens, she’s still a bad bitch. We demand a live-action prequel. 

Villanelle – Killing Eve

From her impeccable couture outfits to her unique mannerisms, Villanelle is the delightfully dangerous assassin no one wants to cross. She slaughters people for a living and takes great pleasure in inflicting cruelty on others. Remember when she threw that kid’s ice cream onto her lap in the first episode? Zero fucks given. Her penchant for evil paired with her fanciful personality is enthralling to watch and the main reason we tune in, season after season. 

Catwoman – Batman Returns

“I am catwoman. Hear me roar.” With lines like that, you can’t help but root for this leather rocking anti-heroine. As Batman’s longest-reigning villain, his greatest enemy, crime-fighting partner and high-key love interest, Selina Kyle aka Catwoman has enjoyed quite the evolution from the timid secretary she once was. She’s one of the most progressive female characters in the male-dominated comic book world, where women are often relegated to the sidelines to look pretty. She defies social conventions, refuses to bow down to the patriarchy and doesn’t take bullshit from anyone. We’d rather be rescued by her any day of the week. 

O-Ren Ishii – Kill Bill: Vol 1

Expertly played by Lucy Lui, O-Ren Ishii aka Cottonmouth is a former member of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad (DeVAS) and queen of the Tokyo Yakuza underworld. She’s also one of Tarantino’s best ever villains. Case in point: she claims her spot in a male-dominant industry and beheads the only boss who was against having her as the Yakuza leader. All whilst wearing a kimono. The final scene sees her swing a katana around like a badass in a snow-filled duel to the tune of Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood by Santa Esmerelda, and it’s pure movie magic. You knew shit was gonna go down the second she took off her sandals…

Anna Delvey – Inventing Anna

Ozark actress, Julia Garner, is simply iconic in her role as real-life fraudster Anna Delvey – the Russian-born German who faked an identity as a wealthy heiress to cheat New York socialites out of large sums of money. Ever since the nine-part series landed on Netflix, we’ve been captivated by Shonda Rhimes’ dramatisation of the real Soho grifter. There’s just something about a female con artist! Just don’t ask us to do her accent…

Red – Us

In an incredible dual performance, Lupita Nyong’o plays both the hero and the villain in Jordan Peele’s pure blood-curdling horror movie Us. Such is her talent!

The film opens in 1986 with a young girl named Adelaide, who’s visiting the Santa Cruz boardwalk with her family. She wanders up the beach and encounters a creepy house of mirrors where she appears to come face to face with her double. Years later, Adelaide returns to the beach in California for a vacation with her family and utter chaos ensues when a group of doppelgängers known as ‘The Tethered’ begin terrorising them, one of which has been following Adelaide since she was a kid. It’s no coincidence that they look just like the Wilson family – they are copies of the humans that live above earth whilst they are forced to live in the shadows below…

Nyong’o is the star of the movie with her embodiment of the terrifying and robotic Red, whose guttural voice is the stuff of nightmares. We advise multiple viewings to get your head around *that* twist ending. 

Winifred Sanderson – Hocus Pocus 

It’s hard to believe Hocus Pocus was a box office flop when it premiered in 1993. The audacity. What exactly did they watch? 

Fortunately, millennials everywhere loved it for its 90s nostalgia – Madonna’s cone boobs, anyone? It’s since cemented itself as a Halloween cult classic, impacting the sales of Black Flame candles indefinitely.

The star of the movie is undoubtedly Winifred “Winnie” Anderson (her and Thackery Binx of course, who we later decide we fancy when he’s in a baggy white shirt and no longer a cat. Quite the plot twist). 

Sure, she terrorises the town, sucking the life out of the children of Salem before sunrise to stay alive but questionable morals aside, there’s something fascinating about Bette Midler’s bucktoothed villainess. Maybe it’s the way she says ‘booOook’ or her hatred for mornings (can relate), whatever the essence of her on-screen magic, Halloween simply isn’t Halloween without an obligatory Winifred or ten wafting about with her signature lippy and red wig. 

The spooky sequel is officially in the works and set to be out in fall ‘22, with all three actresses reprising their roles as Sarah, Mary and Winifred, so hold onto your broomsticks sisters, it’s been 300 years but the old broads are finally back to run amok. Amok! Amok!   

Always at the end of the phone after a terrible Hinge date. Master of the best roast dinner in the country, no questions asked. Number one cheerleader when you get that well deserved promotion. Willing to jump in the car at a moments notice when you need a shoulder to cry on. Mums are pretty incredible, and what better time than Mother’s Day itself- this year falling on Sunday 27th March- to recognise and celebrate all they do to help us shine, no matter our stage in life. We <3 you mums!

From recipe books you know they’ll spend hours flicking through, to gorgeous skincare products perfect for creating a pamper routine they deserve to indulge in, we’ve compiled a comprehensive selection of gift ideas to say ‘thank you’ to all the mums and mother figures in our lives for their wonderful ways and one of a kind quirks. Starting from as little as £12, showing her how much you care doesn’t need to break the bank …

*This post contains ad-affiliate links

In her viral 2016 TedTalk– now amassing nearly three-quarters of a million views- Ella Dawson, social media manager by day, sex writer by night and Herpes positive at both AM to PM, takes to the stage to state: “STIs aren’t a consequence, they’re inevitable”. 

Ella has gone on to amass nearly 10,000 followers on Instagram sharing content about her herpes diagnosis and continues to work towards a world in which herpes can shake the stigma- a change that can’t come soon enough for the estimated 491.5 million people living with HSV-2 worldwide. Despite its commonplace nature, those who aren’t living with herpes or aren’t aware of their herpes status (presenting as asymptomatic can be common) often don’t know the facts about the virus because of the scaremongering that so often circulates in the media. Despite being painful and inconvenient at times, a herpes diagnosis doesn’t make you less worthy of love, both from yourself and others and certainly doesn’t mean your life is over. So, let’s break it down:

There are two strains of the herpes simplex virus: HSV-1 and HSV-2. Type one is usually linked to blisters and cold sores on the face and mouth, whereas type two is associated with ano-genital blisters. Despite its bad rep, HSV is an incredibly common infection with as many as 7 in 10 people (70%) of the UK population having HSV-1 and approximately 1 in 10 people (10%) having HSV-2. Already feeling less alone if you’re herpes positive? We hope so!

What is HSV-1?

You can transmit or contract HSV-1 (oral herpes) through direct contact with a herpes sore, saliva, or other bodily secretions during an active episode or viral shedding (keep reading for more on this). In short, if you touch a partner’s cold sore and then touch your own face or genitals soon after, you could contract HSV-1. It’s possible that the virus can be transmitted through things like sharing a lip balm or using the same glass to drink from, but contracting herpes like this is very rare as the virus cannot survive for long when away from the skin. 

HSV-1 for many can be contracted in childhood courtesy of overenthusiastic Aunties who can’t resist a smooch when they have a cold sore, but as part of the miseducation surrounding the virus, most don’t associate cold sores with being part of the herpes family. Spoiler alert: if you have cold sores, you have herpes! And despite the fact that HSV-1 prefers to live in mouths and HSV-2 prefers to live in genitals, they’re capable of swapping neighbourhoods if they fancy, meaning it is possible for those with HSV-1 to accidentally spread genital herpes too. 

What is HSV-2?

HSV-2 aka genital herpes is typically passed on through vaginal, anal and oral sex and includes symptoms such as blisters around your genitals and anus that burst to leave red, open sores, tingling, burning and itching sensations and pain when you urinate. Herpes is more prevalent in people who own a vagina as the mucous membrane of the vaginal wall can act as a breeding ground for bacteria. Again it’s possible to be asymptomatic when HSV-2 positive, making it even easier to pass on unwillingly, especially as herpes is not included within regular STI testing. 

So, You’ve Just Been Diagnosed. What now?

Firstly, don’t panic! Education can be helpful in understanding more about how herpes may impact aspects of your life, but when first accepting a herpes diagnosis your first thoughts are probably 1) how can it be managed 2) can you still have a normal sex life and enjoy casual flings if you want to (yes). 

Once in the body herpes can be triggered by differing lifestyle and environmental factors depending on the individual, but the most common include:

• Being generally unwell  
• Stress
• A weakened immune system 
• Alcohol 
• Smoking
• Ultraviolet light – for example, from sunbathing or sunbeds
• The menstrual cycle

If you’re going through your first outbreak, I first want to start off by saying that it doesn’t take away from your beauty, physically or mentally. I remember feeling really gross during my first outbreak and occupying myself with hobbies that I enjoyed really helped a lot. Physically, I would recommend drinking LOTS of water so that the pain of using the bathroom is less drastic, as well as either peeing in a tub of water OR covering your outbreak with a plastic spoon.”

Reassuringly, the first outbreak of herpes is always the worst, so despite being potentially incredibly painful and uncomfortable, it can be helpful to know it won’t ever be this bad again. Symptoms tend to be worse during this primary outbreak as the body hasn’t had time to produce its own immune response to herpes, but can be expected to heal within 2-3 weeks. The first signs tend to present within a few days of exposure and can include the obvious cold sores in the case of an HSV-1 infection or genital lesions for HSV-2, plus additional flu-like symptoms, including fever, chills, sore throat and general body aches.  It’s worth noting that not everyone who contracts herpes will experience this initial outbreak however and may continue living life asymptomatically, which is why using condoms and other barrier methods and being regularly tested is so important. 

Primary outbreaks usually last longer than any subsequent episodes which can be more easily managed once an individual is aware of the virus and symptoms reappearing. And more good news- symptoms don’t always reappear! Lots of people suffer with an initial outbreak before the virus then lives dormant in their bodies, never surfacing again. In these cases, it’s still important to take precautions against spreading herpes to other people, as being asymptomatic doesn’t always mean non-contagious.

Managing Outbreaks and Treatment Options

If you do struggle with outbreaks of herpes, there are plenty of things you can do to make symptoms more manageable, less painful and heal quicker so you can get back to feeling your normal self.

Antiviral medication 

The most popular treatment for outbreaks of HSV is the use of oral antiviral medication like acyclovir, famciclovir or valacyclovir which can be obtained at a sexual health clinic or prescribed by your GP,  and used both to prevent and manage outbreaks if they happen, whilst also reducing your risk of transmitting the virus to other people. 

Lidocaine 

Lidocaine is a numbing medication used to numb an area of the body to help reduce pain or discomfort, and in the case of herpes can be applied directly to genital lesions to ease the pain of any outbreaks. FYI, this can be particularly useful during the first outbreak when urination can be painful! 

Supplements and Diet

Many alternative and holistic schools of thought believe herbal and natural remedies to be of great benefit in managing herpes, but there is limited research to support how much any of these methods are of use. What can be proven however is the link between a healthy lifestyle in which you’re getting enough sleep, staying hydrated (cutting back on alcohol and caffeine can sometimes help) and eating a varied diet to keep yourself from getting run down and potentially triggering an outbreak. Research suggests the supplement Lysine- one of nine essential amino acids that the human body doesn’t produce but can be absorbed from food or taking supplements- is a great alternative treatment option in both reducing the occurrence of outbreaks and healing existing ones quicker which works by interfering with the activity of arginine (another amino acid) and block herpes replication. 

Over the counter painkillers, epsom salt baths and using a hot or cold compress on blisters can all also help ease pain, accelerate the healing process and make everything that bit more comfortable. 

Viral shedding. What’s That?

We hope by now you’re feeling a bit better about life with herpes and might even be changing your opinions about viewing it as a restrictive life sentence you can’t escape from, but there’s one more important thing to know before diving back into enjoying sex (of which there is of course no rush): the small matter of viral shedding. Those with HSV periodically go through phases in which they are “shedding” the virus, meaning that their bodies are producing infectious virus particles that can be transmitted to others without presenting any of the normal HSV symptoms. The Journal of Clinical Investigation found that “females with recent HSV-2 genital infections shed virus on 28 percent of days on average. Males with recent HSV-2 genital infections, or a history of frequent herpes outbreaks, were found to shed virus on 32 percent of days on average.” Some studies suggest this is closer to 10-20% of days depending on if you have asymptomatic or symptomatic HSV, but the good news is the longer you’ve had HSV, the less shedding tends to occur. 

Future Partners and Disclosing Your Status

As we hope you can agree, living with herpes really isn’t as bad as the media has presented it to be in the past, but the stigma, misinformation and lack of education about life after a positive diagnosis all contribute to a world in which sharing that you have herpes can feel like the scariest thing in the world. 

“Disclosing was one of the main things I was worried about. In fact, it was one of the first questions I asked the nurse who diagnosed me,” says Alma Mae.

“It took me about a year to fully accept my herpes and I 100% agree that the psychological impact of herpes is a lot more serious and hard to accept than the physical part. Physically, herpes is a super manageable STD to live with. As time goes on, you get less and less outbreaks but the feeling of shame, disgust, guilt, etc. is a lot harder to shake. The stigma surrounding herpes is what makes us feel horrible, and it’s also the reason why others are so rude to people living with it. We are always misunderstood. No matter what we feel about us having herpes (sad, depressed, content, etc.) society always finds a problem with it.”

Disclosing to new partners can feel daunting, but when sharing an intimate experience like sex, isn’t it better for it be with someone who is mature and compassionate enough to have conversations about informed consent and health in an open way? It’s pretty much the bare minimum. Ella Dawson, mentioned earlier thanks to her bad ass STI TedTalk, has written an incredibly in depth and empowering piece about disclosing your status to potential partners, so we’ll point you in the direction of her website for a slice of her incredible expertise. But in short, don’t apologise, try not to act as if you’re breaking the worst news in the world, and be prepared to answer questions. 

“I honestly enjoy sex more now that I have herpes.” says Alma who went on to create the Facebook community ‘The Herpes Self Space’ after her TikTok videos became so popular that she was inundated with fellow HSV positive people seeking support.  “Before I was diagnosed I had never been in a relationship. I constantly hooked up with guys I met at parties, dating apps, etc. At the time I didn’t think much of it, but looking back I realise how I was never comfortable while having sex. I always felt horrible about myself afterwards too. The only thing that has changed about my sex life is my level of comfortablity and (obviously) not having sex when an outbreak is present.”

The stigma of herpes and STIs in general disappears when education properly bridges the gap between fact and myth, and instead shares the reality of life with manageable and controllable STIs, empowering individuals to share their sexual health status with partners and test regularly. There is plenty to unlearn in the quest to destigmatise sexually transmitted infections and diseases, and turning to education to unpack our own personal bias when receiving a positive result all contributes to this. 

Nobody is asking you all to sleep with someone with herpes, but we do want to be treated with respect. I’m hoping that in the future more people are educated about herpes and how damaging the herpes stigma is mentally. That way, people will develop more empathy, which is what we truly need.

Alma Mae

If you are herpes positive: 

• You are not dirty.
• You are not less worthy of love.
• You are still the same person you were before.
• You are deserving of respect from partners and yourself.
• You can still have a sex life that you love.
• You will be okay. 

For more support on your herpes journey, we recommend following these incredible HSV education advocates:

• Ella Dawson of @brosandprose
• Alma Mae of @almamae
• Emily Depasse of @sexelducation
• @my_boyfriend_has_herpes
• Tricia Wise of @safe.slut