PSA: You don’t start declining as soon as you’re eligible for your first smear test.

Reaching the ripe young age of 30 doesn’t have to mean retiring your bucket list, freezing your eggs, walking around with a Zimmer frame and never experiencing Glastonbury ever again. 

Whether it’s backpacking through Asia, getting married or having kids – you should do things when they feel right for you, not because society or a listicle on the internet made you believe your twenties are the pinnacle of happiness and success. Forget 30 before 30 lists, age is but a number and you are never too old to realise your dreams.  

The idea that the world is your oyster but only until you’re 29 is BS. So, please enjoy this myriad of milestones you absolutely *don’t* have to tick off by the time you’re 30, because you can be the best version of yourself at any age.

1. Have children. You are child-free not child-less <3 

2. Have your shit together all the time. Every year presents a new opportunity for growth, if everything’s constantly in place there’s no room for self-development.

3. Settle down. Whoever said 30 was the year we have to freeze our eggs and stop *living* was respectfully a sad little misogynist. 

4. Love your body unconditionally. It’s ok for you to merely accept your body as an ever-changing, fluctuating form. It’s an instrument not an ornament. 

5. Spend excessive hours in the gym because you don’t want people to think you’ve let yourself go. In the words of Alex Light, sometimes letting yourself go is the most powerful thing you can do. Did you let yourself go, or did you let yourself live!? 

6. Travel the world. If you’re a homebody, be a homebody. You don’t have to go travelling to experience defining moments in your life. A coffee with a friend or a walk to your favourite park never looks the same. The view is always changing, and you can have revolutionary epiphanies in the most ordinary places. 

7. Lose weight for your wedding. The dress needs to fit you, not the other way round. 

8. Stop wearing the clothes that make you happy. Pass me the f*cking balaclava already. 

9. Find your dream job. You don’t have to have your entire career trajectory mapped out. 

10. Say yes to everything. No is a complete sentence at 20, 30, 40 and beyond. 

11. Look like you did when you were 18. Faces, bodies, skin – it all changes. 

12. Start a business. Vera Wang didn’t sell a dress until she was 40. Toni Morrison wrote her first novel at 39. Ray Kroc created McDonald’s when he was 52. You can take risks and connect with your entrepreneurial spirit whenever your soul demands it. 

13. Get casual sex out your system. You are free to enjoy good unattached sex at any age if that’s what makes you happy. 

14. Find the one. Contrary to what society would have you believe, romantic joy doesn’t expire when you reach your 30s and marriage and babies are not the talismans of success. 

15. Own a dog. You’d ideally need a garden for that and we all know what a rare breed they are. Friends with dogs are where it’s at. 

16. Stop making mistakes. Slip-ups happen when you’re in the ‘Overs’ category too ya know. 

17. Go out all the time because you won’t when you’re 30. Erm, two words. Bottomless Brunch. 

18. Have a five-year plan. Lol. As the last two years have demonstrated, living in the present is all we can really do. 

19. Own a property. That’s it, that’s the tweet. 

20. Make all the friends or else be a hermit forevermore. Not so. Making friends when you’re an adult can be daunting but you can also find some of the deepest most meaningful connections with like-minded people in later life when you’ve got a whole decade of emotional baggage to bond over. What’s more, friendships that last for a season can be just as transformational to your life as long term ones. 

21. Be in the best shape of your life. If it sounds a bit excessive it’s because it is. There are so many variables at play when it comes to physical health, at any age. Maybe you’re living with chronic pain, maybe you’ve had bottom surgery, maybe you’re agoraphobic. You don’t always have to be on the move to be moving. When someone is in the ‘best shape of their lives’ (translation: closest to society’s standard of beauty), their minds might be at their worst. Here’s something to carry through to your 30s – let go of the weight of other people’s opinions about your body. Why do they care?! If they have a reaction to your body, that’s on them. 

22. Hustle and network or lose out on opportunities. Not all professional openings have to come from sticking yourself in a room full of industry greats and forcing yourself to meet people. Someone could stumble on an article you have written and get in touch, or you might go to an intimate book club meet up and strike up a random conversation with an author. Careers change and evolve way beyond your 20s and chance meetings can be just as instrumental for both your personal and professional growth. 

23. Stay the same person forever. Klaxon: You’re allowed to change, no matter how uncomfortable that change makes someone else. If the person you’re becoming doesn’t match up to someone else’s perceived idea of who you are or the role you play in their life, then so be it. 

24. Get into yoga. If anything, starting later in life makes more sense because that’s when simply daring to sleep on your neck means you must spend two weeks turning your whole body to look at someone.  

25. Master TikTok. Enjoying it from afar is as good as catching the vibe gets. 

26. Run a marathon. Move in whatever way brings you the most joy. If that means running 26.2 miles then go for it, but if that sounds a lot like violence then you’ll be forgiven for signing up for Burlesque classes instead. 

27. Find a signature style. If low rise jeans can make a comeback, anything can happen. Let your fashion flow, grow and fail too. 

28. Learn to cook. Listen, if you’ve got a roast dinner and a mean spag bol in your repertoire, you’ll go far. If you fancy expanding your culinary skills for dinner parties and bougie gatherings with Whispering Angel aplenty, then by all means book in for a few classes and have fun with it. 

29. Get Botox. Sure, it’s a preventative blah blah blah but your face, your rules. You don’t have to be pressured into doing anything you’re not comfortable with. 

30. Be financially savvy. It doesn’t matter how good you get at keeping receipts and organising invoices, a tax return will never not maim you. 

There’s a certain pleasure that comes with remembering a certain celeb couple years after they last entered your mind. Like finally discovering that word on the tip of your tongue, jumping up from your chair and fist punching the air in triumph or finding a top you forgot you had. Endlessly satisfying. 

In the name of that curious little joy, we’re finding out where the reality tv lovers are now. Have they managed to dodge the reality tv curse or did the romance die a death once the show was over? This is investigative journalism at its peak, folks. 

From the Love Island relationships that have stood the test of time outside the villa to the showmances that fizzled out shortly after the cameras stopped rolling and the Big Brother meet-cutes that blossomed into something beautiful, keep reading for a round-up of how it started vs how it’s going – the reality tv couples edition. 

1. Mario Marconi & Lisa Appleton (Big Brother)

Status: Split.

Cast your minds back to 2008 and the ninth series of fly on the wall reality show Big Brother (RIP) and you might remember the power couple that was Mario and Lisa. They were one of the first couples to enter the BB house and even got engaged whilst they were on the show. Sadly, after eight years together the power couple divorced in 2013, reportedly after the heartache and stress of being duped by a conman who promised them their own reality tv show but did a runner with their money. 

2. Heidi & Spencer Pratt (The Hills)

Status: Married. 

Heidi and Spencer met when they appeared on the MTV show The Hills together in 2006 and started dating the following year, much to bestie Lauren Conrad’s dismay. LC and Heidi’s friendship never recovered but Speidi are still going strong all these years later. They eloped in 2008 and welcomed their first child Gunner Stone in 2017 and the rest, as they say, is still unwritten.

3. Lauren Speed & Cameron Hamilton (Love Is Blind)

Status: Married.

The Love Is Blind stars met on the set of the dating show where singles try to find a match (and get engaged) without seeing one another face-to-face and from that moment they’ve been all in. 

They tied the knot on day 40 of the show which was filmed in 2018 and celebrated their third anniversary in November last year, sharing wholesome tributes on their Instagram feeds. They’ve even written a book together called Leap of Faith: Finding Love The Modern Way. 

“The goal when we were writing it was in part to tell our story of how we came to be, but we really want to give the reader the sense of how they can take their own leaps of faith in life and how they can have that confidence to trust their own intuition when people are saying ‘This is a crazy idea’ to start your own business or to go on a reality show. Whatever it is.”

It’s been a crazy whirlwind ride for the couple but look at them thrive. Love Is Blind besties – we love to see it.  

4. Kristina Rihanoff & Ben Cohen (Strictly Come Dancing) 

Status: Still loved up. 

Strictly star Ben Cohen made headlines when he started dating his pro dance partner Kristina Rihanoff after starring on the show together in 2013. The couple started dating shortly after Ben and his then-wife Abbey Blayney broke up and are still going strong today. They welcomed their first child together – a girl called Milena – in 2016. 

5. Francesca Farago & Harry Jowsey (Too Hot To Handle) 

Status: Split. 

Francesca and Harry first got together during the first season of the steamy Netflix dating show Too Hot To Handle and famously broke Lana’s abstinence rule. They called time on their relationship in 2020 after struggling to make the long distance thing work during Covid times and have had their fair share of makeups and breakups since then but for now, and if their social media is anything to go by, the two have gone their separate ways for good. 

6. Grace Adams-Short & Mikey Dalton (Big Brother) 

Status: Married.

Fourteen years after they met on Big Brother, Grace and Mikey are still very much together. They found fame – and more importantly love – back in the summer of 2006 on Big Brother Series 7, getting engaged four months after they met. Speaking to Lorraine on Good Morning Britain, Grace said, “It felt right for us. We’d spent so much time together. We waited a few years before the wedding and then the sprogs arrived!”Following the birth of their fourth child in January of this year, the couple say their family is now ‘complete’. Our faith in reality tv romance is officially restored.

7. Stacey Dooley & Kevin Clifton (Strictly Come Dancing) 

Status: Still loved up.

The adorable couple began dating shortly after taking home the glitterball trophy on Strictly Come Dancing back in 2017 and haven’t looked back since. Following recent engagement rumours, Stacey set the record straight on The One Show. Speaking to Lauren Laverne and Jermaine Jenas, she said: “You would absolutely be the first to know, but no, I’m so dull. I’m not getting married.” We’re still holding out for a Strictly wedding in 2022… just imagine their first dance. Swoon.

8. Daniel Wakeford & Lily Taylor (The Undateables)

Status: Split.

The duo stole the nation’s heart when they hit it off on Channel 4’s dating documentary The Undateables in 2015, returning for the show’s festive edition that saw Daniel pop the question. The adorable proposal took place at Brighton bandstand, with Daniel performing a rendition of All I Want For Christmas (Lily’s favourite song) before getting down on bended knee to ask for her hand in marriage in what made for some of the most heart-warming scenes on the tele box. 

Alas, according to TikTok, that’s where their fairytale ends. Addressing his 367,000 followers, Daniel shared the news that the couple had ended their three year romance but remained good friends, leaving viewers heartbroken. Here’s hoping Daniel and Lily meet their soul mates in 2022. 

9. Paige Turley & Finn Tapp (Love Island Series 6)

Status: Still coupled up. 

Love Island stars Paige Turley and Finn Tapp won the first ever winter edition of the ITV2 dating show in 2020, choosing to split the £50,000 prize money between them. But whilst we were rooting for them inside the villa, it’s how the couple get on in the real world that really counts. So, are Paige and Finn still lucky in love? We’re happy to report that they’ve gone from strength to strength since winning the show and have recently moved into their first home together in Manchester. That’s amore! 

10. Nas Majeed & Eva Zapico (Love Island Series 6) 

Status: Still coupled up. 

Like Paige and Finn, Nas and Eva met on the Winter Love Island series in 2020 – clearly, there was something in the water that year because two years on, they’re still an item. They coupled up during Casa Amor and despite rumours circulating that the two had called it quits, they regularly assure fans they’re more loved up than ever. We love it when a dating show delivers.

11. Barnett and Amber (Love is Blind, Season 1)

Status: Loved up.

Another Love is Blind couple still going strong, here we have Amber Pike and Matt Barnett who, despite both having cold feet on their wedding day, are still going strong in 2022. The couple, who celebrated their 3 year anniversary at the end of 2021, are still as head over heels as they were at the end of the LIB season one, with a recent Instagram caption of Amber’s reading: “It was instinctive, the way I fell for you. Like an effortless intake of breath.” Despite fellow contestant Jessica Batten also feeling a spark with Barnett in the earlier episodes of the show, it’s clear that Amber and Barnett were truly meant to be!

The pair are self-declared ‘dog parents’ to a pup named Koda, with Amber later changing her surname to match that of her dream man. We love an unconventional success story!

12. Martha and Michael (Married at First Sight Australia, Season 6)

Status: Married, and engaged again.  

With somewhat of a questionable success rate, it seems hit showMarried at First Sight Australia does in fact have some happy endings result from its tailor made pairings. Season 6’s Martha and Michael were one such success story, getting hitched on the show in 2018 and now officially engaged again in December 2021, giving the pair the chance to plan the wedding of their dreams after over 3 years together. At least this time they will know who they’ll find at the altar!

Season 6 of MAFS AU certainly wasn’t without its dramas, with red wine being thrown across the table at dinner parties and a serious case of husband swapping, but despite the chaos that ensued over the course of the experiment, M&M are still loved up, and certainly not afraid to show it. 

13. Dom and Jess (Love Island, Season 3)

Status: Parents on the block.

Love Island OGs Dom Lever and Jess Shears met on Season 3 of the show in 2017, and despite the odds have come out on top, marrying 3 months after the show finished and entering 2020 with a gorgeous baby boy too! Their Greek wedding was an intimate affair, with only 22 guests receiving an invite to their sun-soaked Mykonos nuptials as the couple simply couldn’t wait to tie the knot- “When you meet the right person, there’s no need to hang around.” commented Dom.

Their Instagram pages share the story of their relationship since the villa, with the pair moving to live out the countryside dream, purchasing a house in Devon during lockdown and renovating their family home ready for whatever the future holds! Family goals. 

14. Big Ed and Liz (90 Day Fiance)

Status: Ring on the finger!

Notorious for his failed attempts at love, Big Ed rose to fame after appearing on the US reality show 90 Day Fiance, in which viewers follow couples who have applied for or received a K-1 visa, available to foreign fiancés of U.S. citizens, and the 90 days they have to decide if they wish to go ahead with the wedding. Big Ed was originally paired with 23-year-old Rosemarie from the Philippines, however, the relationship broke down when Ed revealed he had no desire for more children, which was a deal-breaker for Rose. Following this, Ed soon found love upon returning home to the US with single mum and restaurant manager Liz Woods, and despite their turbulent relationship, multiple breakups and reunions, the pair got engaged in August of 2021 and appear to be going stronger than ever!

The pair took to Instagram to announce the news, with Ed posting a collage of photos from their engagement weekend with the caption “I​​t’s true, she’s going to make me the luckiest man in the !!”. Despite a slew of negativity in the comments, we hope this is it for the love birds and their chance at forever love! 

15. Dave and Adele (Take Me Out, Season 2)

Status: Married.

Did anyone else used to feel like Saturday nights weren’t complete without an episode of Take Me Out and a Dominos pizza en route? Turns out our ultimate guilty pleasure watch has resulted in some happy endings after all, one of which being Dave and Adele from series 2 who were the first couple to ever get married from the show! Both contestants ended up on dates with other people but got in touch after the show finished and ended up tying the knot in 2014. The couple now have two children and are proof that ITV really does have a flair for match making! 

16. Cam and Emily (Too Hot To Handle, Season 2)

Status: Too in love to handle.

Cameron Holmes and Emily Miller met on season two of the US show back in 2020, and didn’t exactly have the most traditional route into romance. The show, which involves abstaining from physical intimacy in order to win cash prizes, saw some seriously scandalous moments, with Cam and Emily in particular unable to keep their hands off each other, much to the annoyance of their fellow contestants. 

Since the show aired the couple have gone from strength to strength, moving in together soon after landing back in London, donning matching ‘heaven and hell’ outfits for Halloween last year, and spending Christmas with one another’s families. Aw!

17. Chrishell Stause & Jason Oppenheim (Selling Sunset)

Status: Back on the market.

Five months after publicly going official and sending the Internet into a frenzy, Chrishell and Jason aka stars of the Netflix hit Selling Sunset have gone their separate ways after Chrishell revealed that they had different priorities and timelines when it came to starting a family. In a statement to Instagram in December 2021 she went on to say “Men have the luxury of time that women don’t and that’s just the way it goes.”

“I very much hope to one day have a family and decisions I make at this point are with that goal in mind,” she added. Although we loved seeing their relationship come to life in front of the glamorous Hollywood backdrop, we hope both Chrishell and Jason can find what they’re looking for in 2022. 

18. Daniel and Matt (MAFS UK, Season 6)

Status: Happier than ever. 

As the first gay couple on the show, it’s safe to say MAFS stars Daniel and Matt had all eyes on them from the very start of their relationship. Despite another turbulent season of the show, the couple rose above the drama and were one of the first to exchange “I love you” and cement themselves as being in it for all the right reasons, and their marriage is still standing the test of time to this day! One of the biggest barriers for the couple was their Leeds and Northern Ireland home destinations, with both feeling unsure about making the leap to move so far from their friends and family, but as of 2021 Matt has taken the leap of love and relocated to NI to live with his forever person, and we couldn’t be happier for them. We bloody love a happy ever after!

19. Olivia Kaiser and Korey Gandy (Love Island, Season 3)

Status: Split.

Despite taking the crown as Season 3 winners of the US version of the show in August 2021, Kody took to Instagram in November to reveal that the pair had sadly gone their separate ways. His lengthy Instagram caption shared with fans that the decision had been mutual, going on to say that “When we were on Love Island everything was perfect and I can say that was honestly the happiest moment of my life.” Brb sobbing. He went on to explain that in the real world their relationship had encountered problems and challenges they had never had to face in the villa, some of which they simply couldn’t overcome. Here’s hoping for a happy 2022 for both Liv and Korey, whatever that may hold. 

20. Maeva D’Ascanio and James Taylor (Made in Chelsea)

Status: Live, laugh, loved up.

Maeva and James are certainly no strangers to stirring the pot and have often found themselves at the centre of drama on the London based reality show. From Maeva’s first, dramatic entrance into the MIC world in which it was rumoured she had joined the cast with hopes of rekindling her romance with first love Miles Nazaire, she has cemented herself as not afraid to hold back and always be the first to say what’s on her mind. Despite speculation about her relationship with Miles, Maeva in fact ended up on a date with his best pal James, and despite some rocky patches, the pair seem suitably loved up and in it for the long haul, with a recent Instagram caption of hers reading “My life @jamestaylorldn”. CUTE!

Spoiler alert: you can be your own Valentine. Take a deep breath, open up that ‘single and thriving’ vision board, and let go of society’s bias that prioritises romantic love above all. Because as much as receiving an extravagant bunch of flowers to your door (cue your housemate’s ‘awww’s and ‘ooh’s), know that being able to rely on yourself for love, respect and treats along the way is always a safer position to be in than seeking validation from external sources. Buy the flowers, chocolates, takeaway and wine and know that the enjoyment of those things is not reliant on a partner to provide them!

So whether you’re feeling single and empowered or are mourning a recent break-up and are in need of a pick-me-up, we’ve compiled a list of the best ‘to me, from me’ self-love gifts to warm your heart this February. Transform your room into the calming oasis you deserve with a Himalayan salt lamp or new candle, or treat yourself to the gift of relaxation with a spa day or fancy bubble bath, whatever helps you feel your best and most special, now’s the time to do it! 

Repeat after us: I am enough, just as I am.

*This post contains ad-affiliate links

Award season is finally upon us which means it’s time to get hyped, Meryl style.  

The 94th annual Academy Awards will be taking place next month on March 27, so we’ve still got time to catch up on the Oscar-nominated flicks ahead of the big night. Leading this year’s nominees is The Power of the Dog with 12 noms, Dune with 10 and West Side Story with seven, and there’s plenty more critical darlings in the running to cosy up with this Feb. 

From Best Cinematography to Best Original Song (Bruno is noticeably absent but we don’t talk about him) and of course the crème de la crème Best Picture, here’s 21 of the movies hoping to snag a statue at this year’s ceremony, many of which are already available for streaming. Lounge-friendly ball gowns at the ready! 

1. Don’t Look Up

With an Oscar-ready cast, this star-studded satire was destined for big things. Two astronomers go on a media tour to warn humankind of an earth-destroying comet heading for the planet. The response from a distracted world? Meh.

Where to watch: Netflix

The cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Jennifer Lawrence, Meryl Streep, Timothée Chalamet, Jonah Hill, Cate Blanchett. 

Nominated for: Best Picture, Best Original Score, Best Original Screenplay, Best Editing.  

2. Dune 

Dennis Villaneuve’s adaptation of the legendary 1965 sci-fi novel of the same name by American author Frank Herbert. 

Set on far away planets in the distant future, Dune tells the story of Paul Atreides, a gifted young man born into a great destiny beyond his understanding. He must travel to the most dangerous planet in the universe to safeguard the galaxy’s most valuable substance, and to ensure the future of his family and his people. Expect stunning visuals (and a stunning desert Chalamet to match). 

Where to watch: Amazon Prime 

The cast: Timothée Chalamet, Zendaya, Jason Momoa, Oscar Isaac, Josh Brolin, Sarah Ferguson. 

Nominated for: Best Picture, Best Costume Design, Best Sound Design, Best Original Score, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Editing, Best Makeup & Hairstyling, Best Visual Effects, Best Cinematography, Best Production Design.

3. Belfast

The semi-autobiographical black and white film from Sir Kenneth Branagh is about a working class family in Northern Ireland during The Troubles.

Where to watch: Amazon Prime, Apple TV+, Google Play 

The cast: Jude Hill, Jamie Dornan, Ciarán Hinds, Caitriona Balfe, Colin Morgan. 

Nominated for: Best Picture, Best Director, Best Original Screenplay, Best Supporting Actress (Judi Dench), Best Supporting Actor (Ciarán Hinds), Best Sound Design, Best Original Song (“Down to Joy” Van Morrison), Best Original Screenplay.

4. West Side Story

The classic Broadway musical has been adapted into a new film by Steven Spielberg. The 1961 version was nominated for 11 Academy Awards and won 10 including Best Picture, so if Oscars history means anything, it’s set to do well at this year’s awards. 

This film made Steven Spielberg the only person in history to receive 11 nominations in the Academy’s top category. 

Where to watch: Coming to Disney+ in March 

The cast: Rachel Zelgar, Ansel Elgort, Ariana DeBose, Maddie Ziegler. 

Nominated for: Best Picture, Best Director, Best Supporting Actress (Ariana DeBose), Best Costume Design, Best Sound Design, Best Cinematography, Best Production Design.

5. CODA

A coming-of-age comedy-drama film based on the French film La Famille Bélier. The film follows 17-year-old Ruby, a CODA (Child of Deaf Adults) and the only hearing person in her deaf family. When the family’s fishing business is threatened, Ruby finds herself torn between pursuing her love of music and her fear of abandoning her parents.

CODA is the first Apple Original and the first feature led by a predominantly deaf cast to land a Best Picture nominee at the Oscars. Praise be. 

Where to watch: Apple TV+ 

The cast: Emilia Jones, Marlee Matlin, Troy Kotsur. 

Nominated for: Best Picture, Best Supporting Actor (Troy Kotsur), Best Adapted Screenplay. 

6. Liquorice Pizza 

It could be the movie that finally gets eight-time nominee Paul Thomas Anderson the win and tbf, it’s well overdue. Dubbed ‘a big cartwheel of a movie, free-spirited and fun as hell’ and ‘so buoyant and bubbly, it practically floats off the screen’ (Time Out), this is the anti-love story you need in your life. 

Liquorice Pizza explores the pangs of first love and forbidden attraction against the backdrop of 1970s Fernando Valley. It’s the story of 25-year-old Alana Kane and 15-year-old Gary Valentine growing up, running around and going through the treacherous navigation of first love.

Where to watch: currently not available to stream *Manifests its Netflix journey* 

The cast: Alana Haim, Cooper Hoffman, Sean Penn, Bradley Cooper. 

Nominated for: Best Picture, Best Director (Paul Thomas Anderson), Best Original Screenplay. 

7. Nightmare Alley 

Based on the 1946 novel from American author William Lindsay Gresham, Nightmare Alley is about an ambitious carny with a talent for manipulating people. Down-on-his-luck Stanton Carlisle (Bradley Cooper) endears himself to a clairvoyant and her mentalist husband at a travelling carnival. Using newly acquired knowledge, Carlisle crafts a golden ticket to success by swindling the elite and wealthy. Hoping for a big score, he soon hatches a scheme to con a dangerous tycoon with help from a mysterious psychiatrist who might be his most formidable opponent yet.

Where to watch: HBO Max and Hulu 

The cast: Bradley Cooper, Cate Blanchett, Rooney Mara. 

Nominated for: Best Picture, Best Costume Design, Best Cinematography, Best Production Design. 

8. The Power of the Dog

Fancy an intense western psychological drama? A domineering but charismatic rancher wages a war of intimidation on his brother’s new wife and her teen son — until long-hidden secrets come to light.

Jane Campion is also making Oscars history as the first woman to have been nominated for Best Director twice. We’re rooting for you, JC! 

Where to watch: Netflix 

The cast: Benedict Cumberbatch, Kirsten Dunst, Jesse Plemons. 

Nominated for: Best Picture, Best Director (Jane Campion), Best Supporting Actress (Kirsten Dunst), Best Actor (Benedict Cumberbatch), Best Supporting Actor (Jesse Plemons, Kodi Smit-McPhee), Best Sound Design, Best Original Score, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Editing, Best Cinematography, Best Production Design.

9. King Richard 

It’s a biographical drama about Richard Williams, the father and coach of tennis stars Serena and Venus Williams. Armed with a clear vision and a brazen, 78-page plan, Richard Williams (Will Smith) is determined to write his two daughters into history. Training on tennis courts in Compton, California, Richard shapes the girls’ unyielding commitment and keen intuition. Together, the Williams family defies seemingly insurmountable odds and the prevailing expectations laid before them.

Where to watch: Amazon Prime, Apple TV, Google Play 

The cast: Will Smith, Aunjanue Ellis, Saniyya Sidney. 

Nominated for: Best Picture, Best Actor (Will Smith), Best Supporting Actress (Aunjanue Ellis), Best Original Song (“Be Alive” Beyonce and Darius Scott), Best Original Screenplay, Best Editing. 

10. Drive My Car

Two years after his wife’s unexpected death, Yusuke receives an offer to direct a production of Uncle Vanya at a theatre festival. As tensions mount amongst the cast and crew, Yusuke is forced to confront painful truths raised from his past with the help of Misaki, a young woman assigned to chauffeur him.

Where to watch: currently not available for streaming  

The cast: Hidetoshi Nishijima, Tôko Miura, Reika Kirishima. 

Nominated for: Best Picture, Best Director (Ryuske Hamaguchi), Best International Feature Film, Best Adapted Screenplay, 

11. The Eyes of Tammy Faye

Jessica Chastain stars as the controversial real-life title character in an intimate look at the extraordinary rise, fall and redemption of media mogul Tammy Fake Bakker. In the 1970s, Tammy Faye Bakker and her husband, Jim, rise from humble beginnings to create the world’s largest religious broadcasting network and theme park. Tammy Faye becomes legendary for her eyelashes, her idiosyncratic singing, and her eagerness to embrace people from all walks of life. However, financial improprieties, scheming rivals and a scandal soon threaten to topple their carefully constructed empire…

Where to watch: Amazon Prime

The cast: Jessica Chastain, Andrew Garfield, Cherry Jones. 

Nominated for: Best Actress (Jessica Chastain), Best Makeup & Hairstyling.

12. The Lost Daughter

If you like a slow-cooker movie with 10/10 cinematography and casting chemistry, The Lost Daughter ticks every box. Alone on a vacation in Italy, a woman becomes obsessed with another woman and her daughter sharing the beach with her. Soon she begins confronting her own past and memories of early motherhood. 

Where to watch: Netflix 

The cast: Olivia Coleman, Jessie Buckley, Dakota Johnson. 

Nominated for: Best Actress (Oliva Coleman), Best Supporting Actress (Jessie Buckley), Best Adapted Screenplay. 

13. Parallel Mothers

Written and directed by Pedro Almodóvar, Parallel Mothers tells the moving story of two single women whose lives intertwine when they meet on a maternity ward. Accidental baby-swap drama ensues… 

Where to watch: Netflix 

The cast: Penelope Cruz, Milena Smit, Israel Elejalde, Aitana Sánchez-Gijón, Julieta Serrano, Rossy de Palma. 

Nominated for: Best Actress (Penelope Cruz), Best Original Score. 

14. Being the Ricardos

In 1952, Hollywood power couple Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz face personal and professional obstacles that threaten their careers, their relationship, and their hit television show. Expect explosive romance, scandal and accusations aplenty. 

Where to watch: Amazon Prime 

The cast: Nicole Kidman, Javier Bardem, J.K. Simmons, Nina Arianda. 

Nominated for: Best Actor (Andrew Garfield), Best Actress (Nicole Kidman), Best Supporting Actor (J.K. Simmons).

15. Spencer 

It’s Christmas and Diana Spencer must spend a torturous weekend at Sandringham with the royal in-laws. Tensions are high as she struggles with an eating disorder and the decision to end her marriage to Prince Charles. 

Kristen Stewart gives the performance of her life with her haunting portrayal of the late Princess of Wales, earning the actress her first ever Oscar nomination. 

Where to watch: Hulu 

The cast: Kristen Stewart, Sally Hawkins, Timothy Spall, Richard Sammel, Jack Farthing, Stella Gonet. 

Nominated for: Best Actress (Kristen Stewart).

16. Encanto 

A 5* Disney movie with an earworm-worthy soundtrack to boot, Encanto follows the young Mirabel Madrigal (voiced by Stephanie Beatriz), who seems to be the only member of her family who doesn’t possess magical powers. But when her family members start to mysteriously lose their magic, she realises she might have to be the one to save them.

For those scratching their heads wondering why on earth “Bruno” isn’t in the running for Best Original Song, it couldn’t possibly have been nominated because it wasn’t submitted for the category! Disney predicted “Dos Oruguitas” would stand a better chance and put that forward instead. 

Where to watch: Disney+ 

The cast: Voiced by Stephanie Beatriz, Maria Cecilia Botero and John Leguizamo.

Nominated for: Best Original Score, Best Original Song (“Dos Oruguitas” Lin-Manuel Miranda), Best Animated Feature Film. 

17. No Time to Die 

In Daniel Craig’s final outing as James Bond, 007 faces his most emotional adventure yet as he comes face to face with a mysterious villain armed with dangerous new technology. Get the tissues ready! 

Where to watch: Amazon Prime 

The cast: Daniel Craig, Léa Seydoux, Ana de Armas, Rami Malek, Lashana Lynch.

Nominated for: Best Sound Design, Best Original Song (“No Time to Die” Billie Eilish and Finneas O’Connell, Best Visual Effects.

18. Spider-Man: No Way Home

Your favourite neighbourhood webslinger is back at it, albeit not with quite the recognition he deserved. Best Picture nomination, where were you? 

With Spider-Man’s secret identity now unmasked to the entire world, Peter Parker turns to Doctor Strange for help. When a spell goes wrong, dangerous villains from other worlds start to appear, forcing Peter to discover what it truly means to be Spider-Man.

Where to watch: currently not available for streaming  

The cast: Tom Holland, Peter Parker, Zendaya, Benedict Cumberbatch, Andrew Garfield, Tobey McGuire. 

Nominated for: Best Visual Effects. 

19. Cruella

Set in London during the 1970s punk rock movement, Cruella follows a young, orphaned fashion designer called Estella Miller (Cruella de Vil) determined to make a name for herself with her iconic designs. When Estella befriends fashion legend Baroness von Hellman, she embraces her wicked side to become the raucous and revenge-bent Disney villain we know today. 

Where to watch: Disney+

The cast: Emma Stone, Emma Thompson, Joel Fry, John McCrea. 

Nominated for: Best Costume Design, Best Makeup & Hairstyling. 

20. Flee

Amin Nawabi, a 36-year-old high-achieving academic, grapples with a painful secret he has kept hidden for 20 years, the story of his journey as a child refugee from Afghanistan. This traumatic past threatens to derail the life he has built for himself and his soon to be husband.

Where to watch: Hulu. 

Directed by: Jonas Poher Rasmussen, Music by: Uno Helmersson.

Nominated for: Best Documentary Feature, Best Animated Feature, Best International Film. 

21. House of Gucci

When Patrizia Reggiani marries into the powerful Gucci family, she desperately wants to make an impact on the famous fashion brand controlled by different members of the dysfunctional family.

Where to watch: Amazon Prime 

The cast: Lady Gaga, Adam Driver, Al Pacino, Jared Leto, Jeremy Irons. 

Nominated for: Best Makeup & Hairstyling. 

Whilst Valentine’s Day is typically celebrated with the romantic partners, friends-with-benefits and ‘exclusively dating’ people in your life, we’re here to remind you that for the single ladies out there, you need not miss out! Galentine’s Day, officially celebrated on the 13th of February and coined and popularised by Leslie Knope of Parks and Rec, this day is all about championing the leading ladies in your life who truly make your world go round.

So whether you’re mourning a recent break-up or simply seeking a reason to add some joyful plans to your calendar, keep reading for a rundown of the best Galentine’s events happening up and down the country this February. From bottomless brunch to roller disco parties, drive-in movies to loving-kindness yoga, there’s something for every kind of friendship group to enjoy.

London: Legally Blonde Bottomless Brunch

When: Sunday 13th Feb 2022: 12.00 pm – 2.30pm

Where: Neverland, Wandsworth Bridge Road, London SW6 2TY

Buy tickets here!

Ninety minutes of bottomless pink Prosecco, a serious serving of y2k nostalgia and of course, a delicious brunch to accompany what is inevitably a messy day-drinking occasion, this one is a must for pals who bond over their love of throwback joy and tipsy declarations of love for one another. In the Instagram perfect setting of Neverland Fulham (which has had a retro ski chalet makeover for the winter, FYI) tuck yourselves away in a heated hunting lodge wearing your best pink ‘fits and put the world to rights over some matching fizz. Brunch isn’t included in the ticket price but we have a feeling that for the vibes alone it will be 10/10 worth it. Bend and snap, people!

London: Galentines Pub Quiz, Royal Vauxhall Tavern

When: Saturday 12th February, Doors: 2pm, Quiz: 2:30pm-6pm

Where: Royal Vauxhall Tavern, 372 Kennington Lane, London SE11 5HY

Buy tickets here!

A celebration of all things friendship, pop culture and a healthy dose of competitiveness thrown into the mix too, the Royal Vauxhall Tavern are throwing a suitably queer Galentine’s quiz with the aim of raising £2,500 for the London LGBTQ+ Community Centre. With prizes including goodies from Lezbag (gender neutral bags and accessories), Bisila Noha (joyful ceramics), OUi C’est bon! (v funky homeware) and more, grab your tickets for £15 and head down from 2pm-6pm for a wholesome afternoon of giggles and team work with your galentines.  

London: Ballie Ballerson Galentines Evening

When: Sunday 13th February: 5.30pm-10.30pm

Where: 97-113 Curtain Road, EC2A 3BS

Buy tickets here

Just as fun with your biggest group of gal pals or for a more cosy affair with your ride-or-die bestie, Sunday at Ballie Ballerson as part of their 4 days of fun lovin’ events (Friday 11th-Monday 14th) has been designed with your Galentine in mind. With buy-one-free pizzas, a themed photobooth and girl power hits all eve AND free friendship bracelets to remember the night by, copy and paste that link to the group chat ASAP.

London: An Ode to Female Friendships with Her Hustle

When: Monday 14th February: 6.30pm

Where: The London Edition Hotel, 10 Berners Street, London, W1T 3NP

Buy tickets here

For those whose love language is words of affirmation, get your Kleenex at the ready and hotfoot down to the Punch Room cocktail bar of The London Edition hotel in Fitzrovia for a night sure to have you feeling all the feels. Her Hustle, the digital production company passionate about “elevating diverse perspectives”, is hosting a Valentine’s event specifically focused on celebrating female friendship and we’re already sold on it being a moment of celebration in 2022 you won’t forget in a hurry. With a collection of guests sharing love letters to their female friends, as well as readings of beautiful letters shared between historical women of the past, it promises to be a poignant and meaningful evening in which love flows all around. Grab your best pal, enjoy a delicious cocktail and in the words of the Spice Girls, cheers to friendship that never ends!

London: Valentine’s Potion Making Cocktail Class

When: Saturday 12th – Monday, 14th February: book a slot

Where: 5d Stoke Newington Road, London, N16 8BH

Buy tickets here

Looking for an immersive, interactive and hands-on experience to enjoy with your fantasy-loving friends? End your quest here with The Cauldron Co. What began as a Kickstarter project to open the world’s first wizard pub in London has now become an international success story, bringing magic (cough science cough) to eager booze lovers around the world. Their Valentine’s classes running from the 12th-14th of February are set to be extra romantic, but who says you can’t lap up the power of love with your BFF?! With a Prosecco welcome arrival and a 90-minute experience including brewing drinks with a magic wand, this V Day potions making class is sure to be spellbinding.  

Leeds: Grön Kafe Brunch

When: Saturday 12th or Sunday 13th February: 3pm

Where: GRÖN KAFÉ Oakwood, 454 Roundhay Road, Roundhay, LS8 2HU

Buy tickets here

Brunch is an unspoken essential in many a female friendship, and if you’re based in or around Leeds then vegan-friendly, Scandi inspired eatery Grön Kafe are offering a one-off bottomless brunch guaranteed to inspire joy on a scale relative to securing Harry Styles Kitchen tickets for Love on Tour. Enjoy one brunch dish plus unlimited sparkling wine, mimosas, beers or Aperol Spritz for £25 per person in either their Leeds or Harrogate locations, and get suitably tipsy with an iconic Grön-tok on the side (spinach, kale, mint, apple, lime and matcha in juice form, FYI) because #balance.

Manchester: Spice Girls Bottomless Brunch

When: Saturday 12th February: 11:30am – 3pm

Where: Impossible MCR, Peter Street, Manchester, M2 5GP

Buy tickets here

For fans of all things fancy dress and 90s nostalgia, look absolutely no further than this Spice Girls themed bottomless brunch to kickstart your Galentine’s weekend off right. With 3 hours (yes you did read that correctly) of both Spice Girls singalong hits and other 80s, 90s and 00s floor fillers, plus 90 minutes of bottomless cocktails and beef burgers and vegan burgers to make sure you don’t peak *too* soon, get ready to warm those vocal cords and sing your heart out with your fave ladies!

Newcastle: Cinderella Drag Show

When: Sunday 13 Feb 2022: 6pm

Where: Prohibition Cabaret Bar, 25-27 Pink Lane, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE1 5DW

Buy tickets here

If your bestie spends more time talking in Ru Paul’s Drag Race quotes than you can wrap your head around then treat them to an evening of camp deliciousness thanks to A Cinderella Drag Show at Newcastle’s Prohibition Cabaret Bar. With tickets just over a fiver and the option to purchase and watch from home if the prospect of a Wagamamma on the side is calling your name, don’t miss this evening of guaranteed lols and talent courtesy of the cast of Dragcastle. Sunday blues no more!

London or online: Loving Kindness Workshop with James Cassidy Yoga

When: 13th February: 14:15pm

Where:  East of Eden Workshops, 14 Hatherley Mews, Walthamstow, London, E17 4QP or online

Buy tickets here

Repeat after us: you are deserving of love. If you and your nearest and dearest besties are in need of hammering this affirmation home over the Valentine’s weekend and beyond, secure yourself a spot at the Loving Kindness Workshop hosted by James Cassidy Yoga. Whether you’re local to Walthamstow or are rolling out your yoga mats anywhere across the globe, this 2 hour class promises to help you find and welcome in your blissful self, gently encouraging you to feel deeply, accept yourself for where you currently find yourself and offer a reminder that love and compassion starts within yourself.

In the words of Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: “Find the love you seek, by first finding the love within yourself. Learn to rest in that place within you that is your true home”. 

Guildford, Surrey: Bridesmaids Cosy Barn Movie Night

When: Sunday 13th February, showing one: 3:00pm – 6:30pm or showing two: 6:00pm – 9:30pm

Where: Gate Street, Bramley, Surrey, GU5 0LR

Buy tickets here

If you and your best pals spent much of your adolescence packing as many slumber parties and movie nights in your weekends as possible, Gate Street Farm may be about to reignite a core and cosy memory from your youth this February. Enter: Bridesmaids, a classic rom-com guaranteed to have you belly laughing for 2 hours straight, regardless of if the guy you’re seeing hasn’t made V Day plans with you (boy bye). With 2 showings on the 13th (one in the afternoon and one in the evening) plus extra time before the film starts to grab a cocktail, cupcake and get cosy in the swoon-worthy picture perfect barn setting, there’s little we’d rather be doing to celebrate the occasion.  

Nottingham: Make A Scene presents Galentine’s Day Fundraiser

When:  Friday 18 February: 7pm– 11:30pm

Where: The Chameleon Arts Cafe, 17A Angel Row, Nottingham, NG1 6HL

Buy tickets here

Organised by Make A Scene, a sexual safety and mental health hub for female and non-binary performers in the DIY/alternative scene in Nottingham, this Galentine’s event is their first fundraiser and it’s set to be a good ‘un! Hosted at The Chameleon Arts Cafe Nottingham, head down between 19:00 – 23:30 on Friday 18th Feb for a few hours of comedy, poetry and drag, an excuse to make new pals, and support a good cause in the process!  

Online: Aromatherapy Candle Making Workshop

When: Available slot on 14th February

Where: Online

Buy tickets here

Got friends located here there and everywhere? No problemo! Hosted on Val Day itself, book yourself and your besties onto this Aromatherapy Candle Workshop, hosted by Emily Lynam of Yougi and create your very own soy wax candle! You’ll learn about the healing therapies of the different essential oils, with tips on creating natural fragrances and all about top, heart and base notes too- just call yourself Jo Malone! With all the materials posted off to you ahead of the class- including essential oils, candlewick and container- there’s nothing else you need to do but pop on your comfies, pour yourself a glass of rose and enjoy this wholesome activity with your fave ladies.

Dublin: Swiftogeddon, The Taylor Swift Club Night

When: Friday 11 Feb 2022: 10.30pm – Saturday 12 Feb 2022, 2.30am

Where: The Grand Social, 35 Liffey Street Lower, D01 C3N0, Dublin 1, Ireland

Buy tickets here

If you’re lucky enough to be living or staying in or around Dublin over Valentine’s Weekend then you’ve essentially won at being in the right place at the right time for the whole of 2022. Whether you’re a diehard Swiftie or a more casual fan of the chart classics, Swiftogeddon’s Taylor Swift club night at Dublin’s The Grand Social is set to be a night from your wildest dreams. Run by fans, for fans, Swiftogeddon organises worldwide events dedicated to worshipping at the altar of Ms Swift herself, playing deep cuts, extended mixes, fan favourites and all the hits you Love Story. Tickets for these events sell fast so head to checkout, quick!

Saltford, Bath: Drive-In Dinner & Movie – 10 Things I Hate About You

When: Monday 14 February: 7.30pm

Where: Flourish, Bath Road, Saltford, BS31 3TJ

Buy tickets here

A 3-course meal, glass of Prosecco and one of the greatest films of all time, all from the comfort of your car- sign us up! For the first time ever, Flourish Farm Shop in Bristol are transforming their car park into a dreamy drive-in cinema destination, perfect for you and your BFF to enjoy an evening of each other’s company and marvel at the cinematic masterpiece that is 10 Things I Hate About You. With a menu including an antipasti sharing box (featuring soft homemade focaccia, we’re sold), artisan burgers and fries and finished off with a strawberry gateau heart cake, what more could you be seeking from your V Day weekend?! 

Birmingham: Comedy Shutdown

When: Sunday 13th February, doors open: 5pm, last entry 5.45pm

Where: The Arcadian, 70 Hurst St, Birmingham B5 4TD

Buy tickets here

If morale is low and the single lady blues are hitting hard this week, grab your BFFs and head down to Glee Club Birmingham for an evening of laughs aplenty sure to add a pep to your step and a welcome distraction from problematic situationships that need not take up any more of your brain power. With comedians including Kat Boyce, Aurie Styla, and more, plus food available at the venue to help stop those inevitable wines from getting the better of you, it’s sure to be a night that will go down in your friendship history books. 

Sheffield: Boozy Brunch Complete With 80s/90s/00s/10s Tunes

When:  Sunday 13th February: 12pm-8pm, bottomless drinks until 2pm

Where: Church, Temple of Fun, 4a Rutland Way, Sheffield, S3 8DG

Buy tickets here

“Get in losers ladies, we’re going to Brunch!”. Get yourself a Side Chicks ticket for only £13pp, including pink Prosecco topped with candy floss on arrival and a jug of pink paloma cocktail, or go all out with the Ride or Die ticket option for £20pp which includes waffles with toppings of your choice too! With resident DJ’s playing the greatest hits from iconic women of the 80s/90s/00s/10s and classic rom-coms showing in the background too, get yourself down to Temple of Fun from 12pm for 2 hours of joyous gal pal fun. 

Weymouth: Valentine’s Roller Disco

When: Sunday 13 February: 1pm-6pm

Where: Weymouth Pavilion, The Esplanade, Weymouth, DT4 8ED

Buy tickets here

In need or some time where your inner child can run wild? The Valentine’s Roller Disco hosted at Weymouth Pavilion may be just the ticket to guaranteeing old school fun, giggles galore and a unique experience you won’t forget in a hurry this weekend. Open to all ages and abilities, this family-friendly event running over two sessions on Sunday 13th February is accompanied with feel-good bops from resident DJ Glen Mitchell and makes the perfect backdrop for an ‘ily 4ever’ Instagram post at the end of it all. What more could you want from a Sunday?!

Ever been a bit too hungover or sleep-deprived and felt yourself walking around in a daze, not fully present? Or perhaps you’ve found yourself getting to the end of the day without quite remembering how you got there. It’s normal in periods when life is hectic to feel like everything is a bit of a blur, but what about when you can go months at a time feeling disconnected from yourself, your personal history, or as if you’re having an out of body experience? For those suffering with dissociation, be it sporadically or for extended episodes, this is the reality.

Dissociative disorders including Derealisation, Depersonalisation and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) occur as a response to threat, be it an act of violence, loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or alternatively as a response to perceived/past dangers from childhood, as the mind’s way of helping a person distance themselves from a difficult experience. Not all those who disassociate are experiencing a dissociative disorder, as Jodie Cariss, therapist and founder of the contemporary mental health therapy service Self Space notes:

You may adopt dissociative behaviours if your life is demanding, you go to an emotional place you aren’t familiar with, a current experience is reminiscent of difficult things in the past or you are confronted with a reality that feels too hard to manage

Jodie Cariss

The differences between Dissociation/Derealisation/Depersonalisation:

Dissociation, Derealisation and Depersonalisation are all strategies used in defence of feeling and are similar in terms of their impact but can be distinguished by the different degrees to which a person is cut off from themselves, their reality and their feelings, notes Jodie. “They all share the same foundation, which is denial in some form and they all act defensively but have varying levels of the intensity of the denial.”

Dissociation

This is where you semi-consciously cut yourself off from a stressful situation. You take yourself somewhere less threatening internally as a form of protection.  Sometimes this can be helpful and sometimes as with all defence mechanisms it keeps you cut off from the emotional place you really need to access. 

You might….

• Feel as though you are watching yourself in a film or looking at yourself from the outside.
• Feel as if you are just observing your emotions.
• Feel disconnected from parts of your body or your emotions.
• Feel as if you are floating away.
• Feel unsure of the boundaries between yourself and other people. 

Snow, known as SnowBabyFresh on Instagram and TikTok has shared her experiences of dissociation with her community of followers online and describes the way in which she feels during an episode: “It’s honestly a very unpredictable sensation but besides the general Google search answers for what it feels like, I describe my experience as having ‘goo thoughts’. For me, it feels like instead of racing thoughts, they are stuck in goo or mud or something like that. It came out of my mouth like that during an attack that I had been recording and it ended up on my TikTok, and it turns out that loads of people related to ‘goo thoughts’! In my head, it’s kind of like the world is still moving around at a normal pace or even faster, but I’m moving slower. Physically, it sometimes feels like a panic attack on the rise, like a restlessness in my entire body. In really severe attacks, it can feel like my skin is hovering off of my body. Just this overall sensation of being off-kilter.”

Derealisation

This is when someone begins to think delusionally, cutting themselves off from reality, not just an emotional distance but also a cognitive distance from the truth to the point they are reinterpreting information in a different, unreal way.

“For example, a person might be working towards a goal, something that’s taken an unrealistic amount of time, money and energy to work towards but they feel that with just one more step they will be where they need to be” continues Jodie. “The focus is so intense that you are unaware of what is happening in other areas of your life which cuts you off from reality and your present situation. Derealisation is where you feel the world around is unreal. People and things around you may seem “lifeless” or “foggy”.”

Depersonalisation

This is experienced as feeling disconnected or detached from yourself.  Feeling as if you are outside of your own body and thoughts, often watching yourself. Those who have been exposed to traumatic events may reflect on them in a depersonalised way, for example with experiences of war or road traffic accidents. Nurses, doctors, soldiers and those exposed to difficult matters, often for prolonged periods may use depersonalization as an effective form of emotional protection.

Jodie goes on to say, “I have noticed an unhelpful rise in depersonalisation in the digital dating world, and hear this often with clients who are using dating apps. There is a sense that it dehumanises the interactions, making the connections less human which can result in shallow relationships that are devoid of meaning and content. Where immediate gratification is being sought and satisfied, the person is not thought about again (this might mean long conversations then ghosting, meeting and then being ignored), this can be dangerous when we forget about the impact we have on others and them on us.”

Common Symptoms 

1. Feeling like you’re outside your body, sometimes as if you’re looking down on yourself from above.
2. Feeling detached from yourself, as if you have no actual self.
3. Numbness in your mind or body, as if your senses are turned off.
4. Feeling as if you can’t control what you do or say.

Mental health charity Mind emphasises the importance of remembering that everyone’s experience of dissociation is different, and you may feel any of these dissociative experiences even if you don’t have a diagnosed dissociative disorder. If you have some of the experiences mentioned above and are concerned about your thoughts, feelings or behaviours, speak to someone you trust, ideally your GP. If you want to learn more before you speak to someone, look for trusted resources, like the information on the Mind or NHS websites. 

Living with Dissociation

Casey Molina aka CaseyIsHealing on TikTok regularly shares mental health-focused content, be it on reparenting yourself, feelings of unworthiness or dating in your twenties, and has discussed disassociation and its impact across a series of viral videos. 

“As I get older I realise dissociation is something I actually experienced for the first time at a really young age, probably around 10. I used to be a voracious reader when I was a child and could easily finish a 500+ page book in one day. I’d hide in my bathroom and read the whole day, oftentimes taking the stories I read and trying to bring them to life in my own reality by pretending I was a character from the books I was reading. Everything I did and everywhere I went would surround a plotline from the books I read. I used to imagine someone was coming to “save” me from the life I was living. 

“I finally landed a marketing job that I thought would be my dream position, but I could feel myself quickly cracking under the stress of the work I was doing and many of the expectations and responsibilities placed on me. I would have weeks on end where I would wake up feeling numb to life and experiencing crippling anxiety to leave my house, even just to go for a walk. But I could easily spend 3+ hours a day on TikTok or other social media trying to decompress from a stressful day of work. There would be days where I would walk outside and be so disoriented by my surroundings and the sunlight, that’s when I realised something more was going on than just “a couple of stressful weeks of work.”

Dissociation can feel especially challenging for sufferers who are acutely aware of slipping in and out of their experience of reality, but this is something Casey is working on accepting. “It makes me sad to think that one day I will look back at the smaller moments of my life that I was scared to be present for, that I was finding ways to not be there for and I’ll wish that I had savoured them. But I’m realising I don’t have to be regretful if I find ways to heal from my dissociation triggers and work through them in the present moment. It takes a lot of mental energy and strength to reprogram yourself from defence mechanisms your mind has put in place to protect you from harm and, at times, I feel like I’m fighting myself. I would say that’s the hardest part, realising that so much of your mental energy goes towards fighting against your mind.”

What can trigger an episode of Dissociation?

Even after significant time has passed since a traumatic event occurred or the circumstances in an individual’s life have changed, certain sensory experiences such as sights, sounds, smells, touches, and even tastes can trigger a cascade of unwanted memories and feelings. Dissociation can also be associated with various other mental health conditions, such as Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, and more, but it’s important to remember you do not necessarily have a mental illness if you experience dissociation from time to time.

“I used to think it was completely random, and it can feel that way sometimes but when you really dissect it, there are almost always triggers or sensitivities that lead to an episode.” Says Snow. “In my experiences with hypnotherapy and EMDR (which is incredibly terrifying but truly helped me heal a lot), I learned that I have a sensitivity to certain sensory systems. For example, my olfactory response which is responsible for your sense of smell is extremely heightened when I’m anxious. So essential oils can help calm an episode, but there are smells that will trigger one. I am that way with specific sounds that relate to my trauma as well. Emotions are another huge trigger, whether it’s a really intense feeling or anger or sadness, my body will send that signal of “you cannot feel any more of this, we’re shutting it down” and then I can dissociate. But honestly, sometimes I’d prefer that than a crying episode.”

How to support someone you love in a dissociative episode

“I think the most important thing friends and family can do to support people during dissociative episodes is to acknowledge when you go to someone and express that something feels wrong that they feel heard and made space for,” says Casey. “ I think a lot of people would have told me the way I was feeling about my job was normal. Maybe they do a lot of the same things I do by going home or logging off after a busy workday and basically distracting themselves from reality until it’s time for bed, but I feel really lucky that my dad made a lot of emotional space for me to express how I was feeling. To share that emotionally and mentally I wasn’t in a good place and that even though it seemed like I had all of these amazing things going for me- new apartment, new job, normal workout routine, healthy social life- for some reason I didn’t feel present for any of it. 

Seeking help and understanding dissociation can be difficult when someone first experiences these sensations, as Snow well knows. “ It probably wasn’t until I was in my early twenties and started doing hypnotherapy and EMDR that I finally was able to have a term for what I was experiencing. Up until then, I thought that I was just having panic attacks but they felt more muted. But as it turns out…it’s dissociation! It really was a lightbulb moment of things making sense and piecing together the experiences I’ve had that were actually dissociative episodes. But it’s kind of a double-edged sword in that sense because I had to start processing some things in a new perspective.”

How to support yourself during a dissociative episode, including ways to feel more present during a dissociative episode, according to Jodie of Self Space:

• Spend 5 minutes observing what’s going on around you, in your mind describing it to yourself.
• Spend 5 minutes checking in with yourself, say out loud how you are doing , even looking in the mirror.
• Take a shower, swim or have a bath, or even wash your hands in cold water and really focus on what you are doing, the feelings, sensations, smells etc.
• Eat something strong tasting or smell something fragrant to help ground you through your senses.
• Touch the ground with your bare feet, lean heavily against a wall or lay on the hard floor, to feel grounded, touch is a powerful sense for this. 
• Set up a code word with a friend who can call you when you let them know you need grounding into reality and talk about how you feel and do some of the exercises together. 
• Animals can be a huge source of support when we need to connect with our present moment. Hug your pets or a friend’s animals or even a cuddly toy if that’s not possible. 

There are no drugs currently licensed to treat dissociation, however, psychiatric medication may be offered to you to treat other symptoms you may experience as a result of, or alongside, a dissociative disorder such as depression, anxiety or OCD, says Mind.

If you are worried your dissociation could put you in an unsafe situation, making a crisis plan can be helpful. This document explains what you would like to happen if you are not well enough to make decisions about your treatment or other aspects of your life – you can find out more information on planning for a crisis on Mind’s website.

Talking to people who also experience dissociation or dissociative disorders and sharing your experiences can also help.

Mind

Mind’s online peer support community, Side by Side, is a place where you can feel at home talking about your mental health and connect with others who understand what you are going through. Side by Side is available 24/7 to anyone over the age of 18 and is moderated daily from 8:30am to midnight.

Draw yourself a 5* bath, light your favourite candle, slip into something comfy and escape into the land of l-o-v-e this Valentine’s Day – you’ve got a hot date with these babin’ romance reads.

From the celebrated classics to contemporary rom-coms, affairs of the heart, childhood sweethearts, passion, tragedy, intrigue and unrequited love, the romance genre has something for every type of reader. 

A slew of satisfying happy ever afters,will they won’t they storylines and tear jerking plot twists await your readerly consumption…

1. It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover 

Support your local book shop and purchase this read here!

Even though it’s been six years since Colleen Hoover’s bestselling novel came out, Booktok is still very much obsessed with this romance and rightly so – all aboard the hype train. It Ends With Us combines a captivating romance with unforgettable characters and a perfectly realised love triangle with such skill, you will have a visceral reaction to it in the best possible way. Prepare for one almighty book hangover because Co-Ho is a hard woman to follow. 

2. Things We Never Said by Nick Alexander

Purchase this read here!

If you like the correspondence, PS I Love You format, you’ll swoon all over this novel.  

Catherine was the love of Sean’s life. But now she is gone. All that’s left is a box full of envelopes, each containing a snapshot and a cassette tape.

Through a series of recordings, Catherine shares their long love story, but will Sean recognise the story she tells? Catherine’s words have been chosen with love, but are painfully honest—and sometimes simply painful. She reveals every unspoken thought and every secret she kept from her husband—revelations that will shake everything Sean thought he knew about their life together.

But as disconcerting as the tapes turn out to be, Sean prays that they will ultimately confirm the one thing he never dared question. Does destiny exist? And were his and Catherine’s love and life together always meant to be?

3. One Day by David Nicholls 

Support your local book shop and purchase this read here!

You know you’re onto a good’un when Marian Keyes says she wishes she’d written it. Spanning 20 years and written in alternating POV, One Day follows main characters Emma and Dexter as they vow to meet up on the same day every year following a one night stand on the night of their graduation in 2008. It’s a story about growing up, self-discovery and the minutia of relationships. Worth every last tear. 

4. When Katie Met Cassidy by Camille Perri 

Support your local book shop and purchase this read here!

Fast, sexy and laugh out loud funny, Camille Perri’s gay-girl meets straight-girl rom-com is a pitch perfect nod to Nora Ephron’s When Harry Met Sally. It tells the story of 28-year-old Katie Daniels, a corporate lawyer who’s just been dumped by her fiancé and the suited and booted Cassidy Price, her intimidating opposing counsel. At first neither of them know what to make of the other, but soon their unexpected connection will bring into question everything each of them thought they knew about sex and love. Psst! You’ll want to take a highlighter to the sex toy shopping scene…

5. When We Were Birds by Ayanna Lloyd Banwo

Support your local book shop and purchase this read here!

Meet Darwin, a handsome gravedigger down on his luck and Yejide, the girl with the gift of speaking to the dead. Both have something that the other needs. Their destinies are intertwined, and they will find one another in the sprawling, ancient cemetery at the heart of the island, where trouble is brewing. This masterfully crafted Trinidad-set debut is the love-story-cum-ghost-story you didn’t know you needed this Valentine’s Day, from an irresistible new voice in fiction. Out today! Happy publication day, Ayanna. 

6. The Road Trip by Beth O’Leary 

Support your local book shop and purchase this read here!

For fans of The Switch and The Flatshare, you’re in for a treat. Beth O’Leary is your elite Valentine! Ever wondered what would happen if you randomly bumped into an ex two years post-breakup and had to share an awkward 24-hour car journey with them? The Road Trip explores the trials and tribulations of *that* experience right here. 

With each chapter alternating between Addie and Dylan’s point of view, and a dual timeline to explore the then and now of their relationship, this is a story of love lost and second chances. It also handles some serious subject matter from sexual abuse, stalking and alcoholism – the grittiest of Beth O’Leary’s books so far. 

7. The Hating Game by Sally Thorne

Support your local book shop and purchase this read here!

Exploring the thin line between love and hate, Sally Thorne’s novel is a treat for anyone who enjoys a classic rom-com enemies-to-lovers storyline.

Lucy Hutton and Joshua Templeman sit across from each other every day . . . and they hate each other.

Not dislike. Not begrudgingly tolerate. HATE. Lucy can’t understand Joshua’s joyless, uptight approach to his job and refusal to smile. Joshua is clearly baffled by Lucy’s overly bright clothes, quirkiness, and desire to be liked.

Now they’re up for the same promotion and Lucy, usually a determined people-pleaser, has had enough: it’s time to take him down. But as the tension between Lucy and Joshua reaches its boiling point, it’s clear that the real battle has only just begun. 

8. Me Before You by Jojo Moyes 

Support your local book shop and purchase this read here!

You’ve probably watched the film starring Emilia Clarke and Sam Claflin a minimum of 3 (translation: 20) times but if you do one thing this February, couple up with the book and ship Will and Lou all over again. 

Will Traynor was once a successful businessman, travelling the world and enjoying extreme sports until a major accident left him quadriplegic, unable to move anything below his mid torso. Since his accident, he has no desire to live until Louisa Clark bursts into his life when she takes a job as his carer and sets out to help him find the joy in living again. “They had nothing in common until love gave them everything to lose.” Someone is cutting behemoth onions in here.

9. Normal People by Sally Rooney

Support your local book shop and purchase this read here!

A subtle novel, packed with Rooney’s signature simplicity and nuanced observations. There’s no doubt about it, Normal People is one of the best romance stories of the 21^st Century. We said what we said. Prepare to swoon all over Marianne and Connell. 

10. Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen

Support your local book shop and purchase this read here!

No self-respecting romance round up would be complete without what is arguably the greatest romance ever written. The genre would be nothing without Mr Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet. Nothing. 

11. A Certain Appeal by Vanessa King 

Support your local book shop and purchase this read here!

A raunchy retelling of Pride & Prejudice with a Burlesque twist, Vanessa King’s novel is for anyone looking for more Will & Liz action. 

12. The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks 

Support your local book shop and purchase this read here!

Are you even a true Notebook fan if you haven’t read the book? No doubt you’ve bawled your eyes out to the movie more times than you can count but the book just hits different. The hold this couple has on us. Allie and Noah would find each other in any lifetime. 

13. Maurice by E.M. Forster 

Support your local book shop and purchase this read here!

Written by Forster in 1914 during a time when homosexuality was illegal, Maurice chronicles the sexual awakening of a young man and his journey to self-discovery. It was published after the author’s death and quickly became one of the greatest love stories of all time. 

14. Once Ghosted Twice Shy by Alyssa Cole

Support your local book shop and purchase this read here!

Once Ghosted Twice Shy is part of Alyssa Cole’s Reluctant Royals series but works just as well as a stand-alone book. 

Months after Likotsi and Fabiola’s love affair ended in heartbreak, the two reunite on a subway train in New York City of all places. Fab asks for one cup of tea and Likotsi agrees, hoping she’ll find out why their whirlwind romance ended with a break up text. The course of true love never did run smooth! A grade A second-chance F/F romance novella for a cosy afternoon at home. 

15. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald 

Support your local book shop and purchase this read here!

A novel with a special kind of staying power. Step back in time to the glamourous jazz age of hedonistic heights and heart wrenching tragedy in Fitzgerald’s beautifully written classic. “I wasn’t actually in love, but I felt a sort of tender curiosity.” Ooof, consider The Great Gatsby a compulsory read from one of the most distinguished authors in the history of American literature. 

16. The Right Swipe by Alisha Rai

Support your local book shop and purchase this read here!

It’s a perfect match but will it last? Rhiannon Hunter may have revolutionised romance in the digital world, but in real life she only swipes right on her career – and the occasional hookup. The cynical dating app creator controls her love life with a few key rules: 

– Nude pics are by invitation only 

– If someone stands you up, block them

– Protect your heart 

Only there aren’t any rules to govern her attraction to her newest match, former sports star Samson Lima. The sexy and seemingly sweet hunk woos her one magical night… and then disappears. 

Rhi thought she’d buried her hurt over Samson ghosting her, until he suddenly surfaces months later, still big, still beautiful – and in league with a business rival. He says he won’t fumble their second chance, but she’s wary. A temporary physical partnership is one thing, but a merger of hearts? Surely that’s too high a risk…

17. Open Water by Caleb Azumah Nelson 

Support your local book shop and purchase this read here!

A tender and intimate masterpiece about love and all it encompasses, deftly written by a promising new voice in fiction. Short enough to get through in one sitting, poignant enough to stay with you long after closing the cover. 

18. PS I Love You by Cecelia Ahern 

Support your local book shop and purchase this read here!

With over 25 million copies sold worldwide, PS I Love You is a sensational novel with a storyline as bitter as it is sweet. It tells the story of childhood sweethearts Holly and Gerry – an inseparable couple who could finish each other’s sentences… 

When Gerry dies, Holly is devastated. But Gerry has left her a bundle of notes, one for each month of her year, each signed ‘PS, I Love You’.

As the notes are opened, the man who knows Holly better than anyone teaches her that life goes on. With some help from friends and family, Holly laughs, cries and finds that life is for living – but it helps if there’s someone watching over you. Nothing will make you weep like letters beyond the grave. Not. A. Dry. Eye. In. The. Vicinity. 

If you’re looking for something steamier than all of the above, may we point you in the direction of our 12 Saucy Books in the Same Throbbing League as Fifty Shades of Grey. You’re welcome.    

A plant-based diet can be for life, not just for January, so if the start of 2022 and the plentiful vegan launches popping up everywhere from McDonald’s to Aldi wet your palette for a very vegan 2022 then look no further for some everyday inspo to extend your eagerness into February and beyond! The content we consume on a daily basis no doubt has an impact on our lifestyle and influences everything from the new albums we head straight to Spotify to digest ASAP to the likeness of being either in or out of the Worlde gang (iykyk).

The lesson to be learnt: filling your feed with the vegan foodie fiends making plant-based life look easy is one easy step you can take, wherever you are on your journey to enjoying vegan alternatives or fully cutting animal products from your diet. Be it for daily inspiration or a reminder that you’re on the right track, here are a selection of our favourite vegan accounts to follow on Instagram that will have you salivating in a click…

@veganbrownting

Follow Abby on Instagram here!

If the adorable teacup Chihuahua ‘Miso’ wasn’t reason enough to follow Abby, her mixture of healthy and indulgent vegan recipes certainly will be. Whether you’re worried you’ll never replace a beef lasagna or that life wouldn’t be the same without an authentic Thai chicken curry in your life, Abby is here to prove anything you can make, she can make vegan. With notable shoutouts going to her creamy spaghetti carbonara with “This Isn’t Bacon” pieces and mouth watering Biscoff French toast roll ups (*chefs kiss* in an image), ingredients and method are mentioned there and then in the caption meaning you don’t even need to leave the app! If vegan-ifying the rest of your lifestyle is on the cards too, head to her Story Highlights for a rundown of the best cruelty free and vegan formulas in the world of beauty too. 

@veganbowls

Follow Vegan Bowls here!

With 3.1 million followers and claims of being the #1 Plant Based Community on Instagram, Vegan Bowls is the go-to destination for colourful, healthy and delicious recipes that will have you heading straight for the veg aisle. Combining and reposting recipes from the best vegan food creators around, it’s the perfect destination to head to when inspiration is low and hunger levels high. With highlights including Garlic “Honey” Tofu, Shredded Chick’n and Smashed Black Bean Quesadillas and Vegan French Onion Soup, you’ll have breakfast, lunches and dinners sorted for years to come. Explore even more plant-based recipes on their website, or purchase the Vegan Bowls physical cookbook for inspiration at your fingertips. 

@accidentallyveganuk

Follow Accidentally Vegan here!

For those hoping not to venture too far from their normal shopping habits then look no further than Accidentally Vegan, bringing you the cupboard and fridge essentials free of animal products that you might not suspect as vegan! Everything from Oreos to Walkers Prawn Cocktail crisps, Jus-Rol Pain au chocolates to Betty Crocker cake mixes are accidentally free of dairy, gelatine and meat, and are safe for vegan snack lovers everywhere. The page has branched out since its initial launch of sharing these unsuspecting products specifically and is now a go-to for all things new vegan launches and nationwide restaurant menu additions- if there’s a development in the plant-based world you best believe Accidentally Vegan will know about it. 

@tastycurls

Follow Rachel here!

With a website, Instagram, E-book and YouTube channel under her belt, you won’t be short of inspiration with Rachel’s content under your belt, helping you create tasty, nourishing and creative vegan meals, whether you’re a dab hand at this plant-based thing or are completely new to the world of vegan cooking. Self-taught cook and recipe developer, Rachel’s content focuses on wholesome plant-based meals including traditional Ghanaian dishes such as Jollof rice and plantain, and perhaps more familiar dishes of pistachio pesto pasta with marinated olives. Head to her Instagram Highlights for restaurant and eating out recommendations too, and digest some of Rachel’s knowledge and delicious recipes. 

@thelittlelondonvegan

Follow Clare here!

Heading to the Big Smoke and in need of restaurant recommendations? Clare of The Little London Vegan has you covered. Previously the Chief Vegan Officer at Papa John’s, and anti food waste advocate, Clare shares the best of the best vegan menus and dishes in the country’s capital, with her colourful images and drool-worthy Reels making a weekend in London all the more appealing. Her delectably detailed captions mean there’s no guesswork involved when it comes to making a booking you know will go down a treat for vegans and meat eaters alike, because when plant-based looks this good, who needs more?!

@fatgayvegan

Follow Fat Gay Vegan here!

Author, columnist for Vegan Life Magazine and all round hoot and a half on Instagram, Sean O’Callaghan aka Fat Gay Vegan has been sharing plant-based food, restaraunt and pop-up recommendations since 2010. Passionate about promoting the benefits of a vegan lifestyle from an ethical and “not a health trend” standpoint, his approach to ditching animal products is passionate yet kind, leading the way in showing life as a vegan as vibrant and franky delicious too. And if travelling as a vegan ever crossed your mind as an issue, Sean is here to prove you wrong. His role as Curator for Vegan Culinary Cruises sees him create unique trip interiaries designed for vegan and vegan-curious travellers looking to enjoy a 100% plant-based adventure holiday pairing exploration and delicious vegan cuisine. Who else is sold on the US National Parks Adventure in May?

@veganpixie_

Follow Georgia here!

Queen of everyday, realistic and accessible vegan meal and snack ideas, Georgia aka Vegan Pixie is a go-to for anyone starting out in their journey with veganism and looking for easy switches that mean life can go on as usual. A mixture of home cooking, new launch reviews and a realistic look at eating vegan whilst away from home in her Story Highlights, Georgia’s page is perfect for students or those looking for simple ideas to switch up their weekly menu. With recipes including vegan duck bao buns and trying out restaurants such as Vurger Co and PieMinister (a Sunday lunch dream), look no further for everyday inspiration!

@ambertheevegan

Follow Amber here!

As much as food is a huge part of a vegan lifestyle, it isn’t the only thing you’ll need to shake up if you’re looking to fully commit to a life in which no animals are harmed. Introducing: Amber of @amberthevegan. Her feel-good and beautifully colourful Instagram account is a one-stop-shop for anyone ready to reinvent their lifestyle from the basics up, featuring skincare must-have, beauty salon recommendations, and make-up tutorials as well as delicious food inspo including cinnamon waffles and satay noodles- need we say more?!

@thee_burger_dude

Follow The Burger Dude here!

For those who claim leaving behind burgers wouldn’t be worth the sacrifice, we dare you to scroll Watson’s page for a mere 10 seconds and then come back to us. Vegan since March 2018, he’s been busy veganizing his favourite dishes one recipe at a time, which is no mean feat given by his own admission he was a big consumer of meat and dairy products before researching our food systems and the animal agriculture industry. Watson’s Instagram and website prove you can still have burgers, mac n’ cheese, fried chick’n and any other kind of comfort food with plant-based ingredients, with his slick looking imagery making every image an instant ‘save for later’. We’ll be dreaming of his Honey BBQ Chicken Strip Sandwich for the foreseeable…

@maxlamanna

Follow Max here!

With one million followers to his name, Max La Manna’s Instagram is the place to go if you ever find yourself feeling bored of your usual weekday dinners or in need of a new found motivation to shop and cook vegan. The low waste chef and climate activist has had an impressive career so far, with just one of his many accolades including the publishing of his cookbook More Plants Less Waste which focuses on discovering a stronger purpose in the kitchen and helping both the planet and the animals we know and love. Through his viral recipe videos and work with BBC Earth and beyond, Max has inspired followers across the world to “rethink their approach to food consumption and made it his mission to breathe new life into our leftovers that are typically destined for the bin” and we couldn’t love him more for it.

Getting naked with someone new for the first time? Suddenly. So. Aware. Of. How. Your. Own. Labia. Behaves…

And where to even start with the sorry state of affairs also known as: ya knicker drawer. Not a hint of lace, soft tulle or *red* have been seen in the vicinity since circa 2019. Lockdown did us dirty. 

Whatever wobbles you’re feeling and however they manifest, it’s completely normal to lose your way with sexual self-confidence from time to time, especially when it comes to meeting someone new in the covid era. 

So, if you’re looking to take that next step but you’re unsure of how to reconnect with your erotic power, here’s how to get your confidence back on track and foster self-compassion in 2022. Because despite what might be going on in your head, you deserve great sex. 

Unlearn toxic ideas about sex & give yourself permission to embrace your sexuality 

Confidence isn’t purely performative, it has to come from within. If you believe you’re enough and capable of pleasure, your body will listen and follow. 

Shame is often the reason we feel unable to give and receive pleasure; a symptom of the sex-negative society we live in. Sex negativity perpetuates the idea that sex is unnatural, disgusting, harmful, dangerous, risky and shameful. Allowing yourself to feel pleasure and explore your sexuality without judgement is one such way to flip that narrative on its head. 

Think about a time when you’ve felt empowered by your sexuality. What made you feel that way, and how can you channel that confidence with your new partner or future sexual experiences? There are so many reasons why someone might feel out of touch with their erotic self, be it stress, grief, cultural messaging, gender dysphoria, body confidence or ill health but with practice and self-compassion, we can diminish that inner critic, learn to trust ourselves again, befriend our bodies and, in turn, feel safe to let someone else in. Repeating affirmations such as, “I am entitled to feel pleasure” and “I deserve to feel good” can help foster that connection with your erotic self and create a foundation for experiencing joy. 

Accept real sex isn’t perfect

Klaxon: it’s not like the movies. Or porn. Sex in real life doesn’t get the privilege of redrafts, soft-focus light and art direction, it’s a messy, silly and gloriously imperfect human experience and leaning into that can be erotic and liberating in its own right. Sometimes things don’t slot together as they should and the transition between one position to another isn’t graceful and that’s more than ok. It’s a human body, not a puzzle piece. Treat sex like yoga and embrace the wobbles. Often the deepest sense of belonging and connection happens in those flawed, not-so-polished moments. Reckoning with our imperfections and letting go of the expectation that sex has to be aesthetic from every angle to be pleasurable can lead to increased intimacy, heightened arousal and a more satisfying sex life. 

Get comfortable with exploring your own body

Touching yourself is an elite form of self-care, as fundamental to your wellbeing as taking a shower, journaling, or folding yourself into a downward dog. Taking the time to get to know your body and exploring your own pleasure is the portal to confidence both for you and for them – because mutual masturbation is hot. Pleasure and confidence go hand in hand, and if you can get comfortable with asking for what you want (and listening to what they want), both parties will likely have a better time. Communication will provide all the social lubrication you need for 10/10 intimacy. 

Be open with your partner/s

Whether you’re simply nervous about being naked in front of someone new or you’re dealing with body image related anxiety, sexual trauma or chronic pain, working through those emotions by being open and honest with a sexual partner is a prerequisite for feeling confident and enjoying great sex. Let them know what feels good and what doesn’t, set boundaries before getting intimate and if penetrative sex feels like too much of a big step, spend more time on connecting in other ways, focusing on sensuality without the pressure of sex, whether it be through conversation, non-sexual touch, slow dancing, rubbing, massage, hand-holding or cuddling with a movie. 

Set the tone

Mood is everything. Bright lights and cold clinical vibes rarely inspire anyone to take off their clothes. When it comes to the warmup, set your standards high and ground yourself in the present. Whether it be a sexy playlist, mindfulness techniques, candlelight or decorating your body with strawberries, whatever helps get you out of your head and into your body, do more of that. If you’re to channel main character energy in the bedroom, then you need a decent setting for it, folks.  

Accept that dating right now is different 

After two years of various lockdowns and social distancing restrictions, the chances are your seduction skills are a bit on the rusty side. The pandemic changed the way we date so there’s nothing wrong with taking it slow and easing yourself back in gradually. 

The back and forth of traditional dating apps can feel monotonous, often taking months to set up an IRL date and leaving plenty of time to overthink or get in your head about meeting someone new. 

Not so with Thursday – the ‘Cinderella’ dating app that offers a fun alternative approach to dating. As the name suggests, the app is only usable on Thursdays, giving you just 24 hours to match and meet a potential suitor. Dating needn’t be drab!

Founded by Mr Love himself (yes, that’s very much his real name), Thursday goes live at 00:01am, giving singles a limited time frame to set up an in-person date before their messages vanish at midnight, never to be seen on the app again. Since members only need to devote one day a week to their dating endeavours, you can skip the small talk (and the time-wasters) and head straight to the good stuff, enjoying the thrill and curiosity of getting to know someone without the burnout that usually comes with daily swiping. 

Outside of the app, the company also hosts an AfterParty event each week, inviting members to meet in bars across London, Manchester, Birmingham, Bristol and NYC, helping to bridge the gap between online and in-person dating and facilitating connection on a weekly basis. Get your tickets through the app and show your Thursday profile at the door to join the party. And hey, if it doesn’t work out, there’s always next Thursday! Download the app here.

Remember it doesn’t *always* have to end in orgasm 

PSA: orgasms are not the be-all and end-all of sex. When we put pressure on ourselves to reach a climax, pleasure often falls by the wayside because we’re not able to be our authentic selves. Forget about performance and instead focus on what feels good for you and for them. It sounds simple but centring your experience around pleasure-oriented sex instead of goal-oriented sex alleviates some of the stress and anxiety associated with sexual performance – remember sex is just one part of physical intimacy. 

Introduce toys!

Because sex toys aren’t just for long-term lovers. They can be a great source of communication, fun and connection if the mood feels right. From solo play to partnered fun, understanding your body and what turns you on is not only empowering for you but a turn on for your partner. Whether you show them what you like using toys as your preferred love language (the ultimate ice-breaker if we do say so ourselves) or you let them take the reins, introducing toys to your oeuvre offers plenty of opportunity for shared excitement and kink.

Of course, if you’re a missionary only kinda couple, graduating to anal beads might be a step too far but there’s no reason why some beautifully vanilla sex toys can’t join the party. What’s more, we know most clitoris owners need clitoral stimulation for sexual gratification, so this can be a great way to ask for what you want without any awkwardness and realise your sexual fantasies at the click of a button. A bullet buffer if you will. 

Here’s a selection to get you started: 

And always remember protection 

Sure, it’s not as appealing as self-love and sext toys but from a practical standpoint, making sure you’re well equipped for the adventure will give you one less thing to worry about. Pack accordingly and relax. 

Photography by Dainis Graveris

Staying in may no longer be mandatory, but you certainly might be planning on it this February if any of your recent bank transactions involve a selection of irresistibly sexy and deliciously lacy lingerie designed to be taken off in an instant. 

Whether you’re loved up and living with a significant other or are single and plan to dance around your room to Doja Cat looking a cool 11/10, the selection of alluring/sultry/tempting/sexy/tantalising underwear available to shop right now is enough to get hearts racing quicker than the Duke’s spoon #throwback. 

In recent years there has been an explosion in women’s underwear brands reclaiming back the power from the male gaze, showcasing designs by women, for women that are created with one key aim: inclusivity and empowerment. From Savage X Fenty and Dora Larsen to Wednesday’s Girl and Beija London, we’re spoilt for choice in finding a set that personifies the flame emoji and exudes confidence from the very base of your outfit. So whether you’re adding some extra lace to your look this Valentine’s weekend with the hopes of seducing a lover, or simply celebrating your body in all its beauty, keep scrolling for the creme de la creme of lingerie guaranteed to make a statement …

*This post contains ad-affiliate links