Prepare to lose yourself in the jazz era of 1950s New York in this evocative page-turner. 

Gripping from the opening sentence, That Green Eyed Girl is both a deeply immersive thriller and a tragic queer love story, centred around a cast of deftly drawn, bold and complicated women.

1955: In a cramped apartment on the Lower East Side, school teachers Dovie and Gillian live as lodgers, unable to reveal the truth about their relationship. They guard their private lives fiercely – until someone guesses their secret.

1975: Twenty years on, in the same apartment, Ava Winters is desperately trying to conceal her mother’s fragile mental state from the critical eyes of their neighbours. But, one sweltering July morning, Ava’s mother escapes.

Alone after her mother’s departure, Ava takes delivery of a parcel. The box is addressed only to ‘Apartment 3B’, and contains a photograph of a woman with the word ‘LIAR’ scrawled across her face.

Seeking refuge from her own crisis, Ava determines to track the owner of the photograph down. And, in so doing, discovers a shocking chain of kindnesses, lies and betrayals – with one woman at the centre of it all…

If you’re in the mood for an all-consuming read, look no further than our October book club pick. Keep reading for the team’s low-down on Julie Owen Moylan’s dazzling debut! 

Lareese’s Review

Rate: 4/5
Would you recommend: Green with envy at anyone yet to read it – YAS!

Lily’s Review

Overall, this is such a compelling and impressive debut by Julie Owen Moylan. Yes, it’s heartbreaking and thought provoking, but you are swept along in a desire to see what happens next!

What would you rate it? 4/5
Would you recommend it? I can’t stress enough how incredible this book is. Don’t believe me? Then get reading!

Charlotte’s Review

The more books I read that are set in New York, the more the city moves to the top of my must-visit-in-the-immediate-future list, and That Green Eyed Girl has made my savings for such a trip all the more urgent.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I love a dual timeline book, and this one was no different. The 50s and 70s backdrop to this story were beautifully described, making it perhaps one of the most ambient books I’ve read this year. Covering a plethora of heavy themes without feeling all-consuming in its intensity, Julie has such a talent for drawing you into the world of her characters in a way that it’s impossible to put down once you start.

Once again another incredible debut and a real treat to delve into as the cooler weather arrives and the season for cosying down with a book and glass of wine on an evening is upon us.

What you rate it? 5/5
Would you recommend it? 100x yes.

Anyone else feel a little bit unnerved that the final month of 2022 is upon us, meaning Christmas is quite literally around the corner? Gulp.

With Halloween done and dusted and Michael Buble defrosting as we speak, the month of November will soon be slipping through our fingers like a silky smooth gift wrap ribbon, as 2022 nears its chaotic end. If maximising the magic of the month of November is top of your priority list, consider this list of top tier autumnal activities the peak of how you can spend the penultimate month of the year… 

1. Scrooges of the world, get back in your box. Christmas listening starts now and we won’t hear another word about it. 

2. Swap out Pumpkin Spice for a Baileys hot chocolate because it is literally 5pm somewhere and we must hold onto the small joys where we can.

3. Order an electric blanket and immediately feel your life improve tenfold.

4. Eat dinners that are described as winter warmers only! ‘Tis the season!

5. Alternatively eat exclusively jacket potatoes and rotate your toppings of choice because 1) affordable and 2) delicious. 

6. Wonder how early is too early to buy a box of Celebrations and give in as soon as you see them in Tesco during your weekly shop.

7. Crack open a bottle of red as soon as the clock strikes 5pm on a Friday because what else would one drink to see in a dark November weekend? 

8. Listen to Midnights by Taylor Swift on repeat because if anything can save our mental health it will be this album and our one true love, Ms Swift. Alexa, play Karma on repeat!

9. Wrap up warm for a wholesome instalment of firework night and head down to a display near you, whilst simultaneously worrying about the welfare of dogs and cats up and down the country. 

10. WFHIB aka work from home in bed for the foreseeable because the forecast is the definition of uninspiring and being forced to leave the comfort of those warm, soft layers is simply not conducive to getting sh*t done.

11. Watch My Policeman as soon as it drops on Prime Video and find yourself dreaming of long, sun-soaked days on Brighton beach. Ugh. 

12. Devour It Starts With Us by Colleen Hoover in one sitting and immediately regret not savouring every inevitably heartbreaking chapter.  

13. Get an autumn inspired mani and soak up the opportunity to match your outfits to the tones of the season. Life may be chaotic but at least your nails will be slaying the game. 

14. Listen to ‘Sad Girl Autumn Bops’ as soon as the inevitable rainy days roll in and let yourself wallow in your feels for a little bit. Permission to have a dramatic main character moment, granted. 

15. Plan a Friendsgiving and use it as the perfect excuse for an indulgent meal and 6 courses of picky bits.

16. Head to Primark and pick up one of *the* Acne Studios scarf dupes. 

17. Have a delightful, autumnal candle lit constantly. Firehazard, we don’t know her. 

18. Book in your Christmas activities (we’re talking wreath making, ice skating, Christmas tree shopping and market dates) ASAP and nail down your December socialising, stat. Organised fun is very much still fun! 

19. Watch Little Women in the ultimate pre Christmas preparation and immediately fall down a Florence and Timothée TikTok hole. 

20.  Continue to add Campari and Sbagliato Prosecco to your Ocado order because being a basic b*tch is nothing to be ashamed of. 

This is a guest post written by one of the internet’s leading Astrologers, Nadine Jane. 

With over 240k followers on Instagram, Nadine’s aim is to make astrology accessible, relatable and beautiful. Her new book, Magic Days: Your Journey Through the Astrology, Numerology, and Tarot of Every Day of the Year, is a soulful read for anyone on the journey of self-discovery. 

Whether you’re a newbie looking for your first introduction to spiritual practices, the lost soul who could use some direction in life, the jaded expert looking for a new point of view on the topics, the empathic people-reader who loves to understand others or the complete sceptic, Magic Days guides readers through the wisdom of each day, helping them to channel the energy needed to truly thrive. 

Pre-order her new book here.

Q: What is astrology, and how does it work?

In the most simple terms, Astrology is the study of the planets and their movements and how those movements impact each of us as individuals and as a collective. There is a common phrase used in the practice, “as above, so below”, implying that the sky is a direct reflection of our experience as human beings. A common question I get asked is, “how does Astrology work?” and while there are so many different ways of answering this question, the answer that resonates the most with me is the idea of synchronicity—that the earth is a part of the same energetic field as the planets above, intricately tying the stories of the planets to the stories of our lives.

Q: What is an astrological birth chart?

The natal chart, also known as the birth chart, is a picture of the sky and the planets at play the exact moment you were born. It provides a roadmap to understanding who you are on the most fundamental level, as well as your biggest roadblocks and highest potential. It explains your personality, dreams, hopes, desires and the future. It will tap into your greatest strengths, weaknesses, and all of the hidden talent that you can access with awareness. The birth chart is in my eyes the most crucial tool in astrology, as it gets us out of popularised sun-sign astrology and into the heart of what astrology is about. Your chart is your unique astrological thumbprint. If you are interested in looking up your birth chart, you will have to track down your birth time, and plug in your birth information (date of birth, time of birth, and location of birth) into an online chart generator like TimePassages or astro-charts.com. 

Q: What are the qualities of each sign?

Aries Adjectives: strong, fearless, hot-headed, intense, entrepreneurial, authoritative, self-assured, powerful.

Taurus Adjectives: loyal, steady, reliable, luxurious, earthy, grounded, materialistic, rooted.

Gemini Adjectives: curious, intelligent, quick-witted, spontaneous, restless, inquisitive, dynamic, changeable.

Cancer Adjectives: cosy, nurturing, careful, nostalgic, familiar, self-protective, compassionate.

Leo Adjectives: creative, courageous, outgoing, attention-seeking, bold, affable.

Virgo Adjectives: humble, intelligent, diligent, meticulous, reasonable, practical.

Libra Adjectives: peaceful, diplomatic, partnership-driven, romantic, even-keeled, beautiful.

Scorpio Adjectives: driven, introspective, emotionally intelligent, perceptive, private, possessive, probing.

Sagittarius Adjectives: adventurous, wise, free, expansive, untethered.

Capricorn Adjectives: serious, pragmatic, mature, commanding, authoritative.

Aquarius Adjectives: unique, detached, innovative, weird, quirky.

Pisces Adjectives: dreamy, artistic, empathic, fluid, non-judgmental, open-hearted. 

Q: Why don’t I relate to my sign?

It is not uncommon for folks to not entirely relate to their Sun sign (the sign based on one’s birthday), for a myriad of reasons. The first is that no person is as simple as one sign—there are many planets that influence the personality and traits of an individual, however the Sun sign has been so popularised by Western media culture that it has overshadowed the importance of others planets like the Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, and while not a planet, the Rising Sign. These other parts of the chart more than likely don’t all fall into the same sign as your Sun sign, explaining why you might not feel too identified with that one sign. The second reason is that without a lot of in depth research into one’s particular Sun sign, it is far too easy to only hear generalisations and even stereotypes about one’s sign. For example, in popular culture, the sign of Gemini gets a bad reputation for being unreliable and even two-faced, so of course one shouldn’t want to identify with that sign! That is why books and credible apps are so useful when it comes to understanding and relating to one’s chart.

Q: What is a Rising sign?

Let’s say you’re an Aries and you meet another Aries…but you couldn’t be more different. That is where your birth chart comes in. They could be an Aries with a Cancer Rising, making them much more reserved and shy than you. You could be an Aries with a Leo Moon, making you much more creatively expressive than the average Aries. No person is as simple as one sign. The Rising sign is the sign at dawn on the Eastern horizon at the exact moment you were born, defining quite literally how you dawn upon people; your first impression. It explains why you may be super shy and timid upon first impression or have a desire to work the room and control the conversation when you are first meeting others. The Rising sign also helps explain your role within the family or your best survival mechanism growing up. Some of us learned to be perfect and useful growing up; we may have a Virgo Rising. Some of us learned to be nurturing and self-protective growing up; we may have a Cancer Rising. And some of us learned to be fiercely independent and self-assured; we may have an Aries Rising. The Rising sign is a very crucial part of the birth chart in regards to understanding our instincts and purpose, perhaps as important if not more important than your Sun sign.

Q: What signs am I compatible with in astrology?

Unfortunately, there is no simple answer to this pertinent question. Compatibility in astrology, otherwise known as synastry, is a hugely complex subject and requires a great amount of nuance. However, there are some simple tools for understanding compatibility, like using the elements (fire, earth, air and water) of each sign. The signs that share the same element, generally speaking, have an easier time getting along because they share similar qualities. So say you’re a Taurus, an earth sign, you will have some degree of flow and ease with Virgo and Capricorn, the other two earth signs. Say you’re an Aries, a fire sign, you will have some degree of flow and ease with Leo and Sagittarius, the other two fire signs. Say you’re a Cancer, a water sign, you will have some degree of flow and ease with Scorpio and Pisces, the other two water signs. And lastly, say you’re a Gemini, an air sign, you will have some degree of flow and ease with Libra and Aquarius, the other two air signs. However, if you are looking to dive deep and understand the compatibility between you and say your romantic partner, working with a trainer astrologer would be highly recommended.

Q: What are The Houses in astrology? 

The 12 Houses are the invisible divisions within the sky, each ruling over some important aspect of our lives. These houses help astrologers understand where a planet was in the sky when you were born (for example, was it above or below the horizon line?) and how its position influences how that planet will manifest in your birth chart. For example, your Sun in Aries could be in the 9th House, a house of higher education and philosophy, making you fearlessly ambitious when it comes to chasing higher truths and understanding the world around you. The Houses add an extra layer of depth to each planet and sign, explaining the best environment for that planet to flourish in. 

Q: What do the 12 Houses rule?

1. The First House Rules

• Quite literally how you dawn on people; your first impression
• Your external identity
• Your appearance
• How you approach life
• Childhood coping mechanisms

2. The Second House Rules

• Money & Personal Income
• What you value and why
• Your relationship (or lack thereof )
• with the physical world and your body
• What grounds you

3. The Third House Rules

• Your intellectual and personal comfort zone
• Siblings, friends, and neighbours
• Your childhood neighbourhood
• Your ideal social activities

4. The Fourth House Rules

• Your definition of home
• Your true roots
• Family and ancestors
• The hidden, less authoritative parent
• Your personal history

5. The Fifth House Rules

• Your creativity
• True love and passing love affairs
• Fertility
• Your truest self-expression
• Personal drama

6. The Sixth House Rules

• Work service
• Personal health & fitness
• Daily habits and routines
• Your sense of usefulness

7. The Seventh House Rules:

• Partnership (platonic and romantic)
• How we share and topics of equality
• Marriage, contracts,
• Interpersonal dynamics
• The things we can gain from trusting others

8. The Eight House Rules

• Sex, death and rebirth
• Merging and deep intimacy
• Shared finances, debt and inheritance
• Mystery and transcendence

9. The Ninth House Rules:

• Long-term and distant travel
• Wisdom and philosophy
• Your relationship with higher education
• Religion and spiritual institutions
• Ethics and moral values

10. The Tenth House Rules:

• Our public image
• Historical relationship with authority figures, including parents
• Topics of career, fame and honour
• Our personal expertise
• Long-term goals

11. The Eleventh House Rules:

• Groups, networks, clubs
• Our sense of community
• Our relationship to social justice
• Philanthropy
• Our hopes and wishes for the collective future

12. The Twelfth House Rules:

• Your inner world
• Personal privacy
• Dreams, subconscious beliefs
• Karma
• Deeply personal relationship to spirituality

Q: What if I want to learn more about astrology?

Start by discovering your birth chart! You can look it up on apps like TimePassages or sites like astro-charts.com. From there, you can begin researching more about each sign that you have in your birth chart. There is a ton of free information out there if you are willing to dig a bit. And lastly, if you want to dive head-first into understanding your chart, book a reading with a professional astrologer.

Oh December, how we love you. Whether it be the endless availability of sweet treats (a few Celebrations with your morning coffee? Sure why not) or the fact that rainy days feel a little more magical when the streets glow from fairy lights in every window, there’s a reason that Christmas is known as the most wonderful time of the year.

If that wasn’t enough, receiving a small treat every morning ‘just because’ is surely next on the list of reasons to look forward to the month of December. From food indulgence to new-in beauty, wellness delights to alcoholic treats, 2022’s luxury advent calendar offerings are once again making the classic Cadbury’s calendar feel a little measly in comparison…

Here at Zoella we’re keen advocates of the ‘treat yourself’ mindset, and reaching the end of the year is a feat we consider worth celebrating. Which advent calendar is top of your wish list this year?

For The Beauty Lovers

Because Staying In Isn’t All Bad…

‘Tis The Season For Snacking

Anyone For A Festive Tipple?

Self-Care Made Miniature

This article contains ad-affiliate links.

Few meals have the potential to divide families quite like the traditional Sunday lunch. Tough meat, average roast potatoes, watery gravy and soggy veg – send help. It’s a high-stakes meal plenty of us would sooner leave in the hands of the country pub professionals, even if it does cost £1K a head these days. 

Unless you’ve got Remy the rat under your hat, tugging your hair and telling you how to massage your beef (IYKYK), you might be in the market for some tips and tricks from these culinary wizards at large. 

From time-saving hacks to tips on how to get crispy roast potatoes, succulent meats and glorious gravy, here’s how to make your homemade roast sing according to professional chefs. 

The Timings

For many, the most daunting thing about cooking a roast for many mouths is the fact that everything needs the oven at the same time, often at varying temps. So how do you fool-proof your Sunday lunch, ensuring that everything stays warm? 

Lewis Glanvill, Head Chef at Riverford’s on-farm restaurant, The Riverford Field Kitchen, to the rescue!

The Vegetables

PSA veggies don’t have to be the boring component of a roast dinner. There’s plenty of scope to add festive flair and flavour to carrots, cabbage and yep, even the divisive sprout. 

For elevating your carrots, Lewis recommends a paper bag… hear the man out.

“I love to serve everything in what it’s cooked in, where possible. This adds colour and something different to the aesthetics at the dinner table. Often at Christmas I will cook the carrots in a parchment paper bag, here you can impart so many festive flavours into the carrots like cinnamon, anise, clove, bay, mulled cider or even masala. Create a pouch with folded parchment paper and bulldog clips, and then fill the bag with carrots, aromatic spices and a splash of liquid, seal it up with another bulldog clip and bake. You can make up your bags the day before and throw them in the oven on the day. The theatrics always go down well too, as you can open them at the table to release a plume of festive steam.” See! Witchcraft. 

When it comes to adding a festive flair to your Sunday feast, consider spiced red cabbage old news. “Braised red cabbage has been done a lot and personally it’s not my favourite,” says Lewis. This Head Chef has something better under his hat… 

You might think it outrageous to pollute your roast dinner with sprouts but you know what, it’s 2023 and it’s time we stopped hating on these traditional greens. Even if they do have certain unwanted side effects, ahem. 

So what is the secret to making them actually taste good? Enter Lewis. 

“Roasted all the way. Simply cut them in half and roast at a high temperature with heaps of olive oil and flaky salt. The outer leaves will caramelise and produce a nutty, smokey flavour with little crispy bits that border on salty. Alternatively, you can roast them with butter and sage leaves and add a sprinkle of chilli flakes when they come out. For the real sprout haters, I shred them down on a food processing slicing attachment or very carefully with a knife, scrunch in salt to break them down slightly and then mix through Caesar dressing and cover with crispy garlic breadcrumbs and parmesan.”

The Roast Potatoes

One way to Transform your Sunday roast from barely-edible to a triumphant family feast that leaves your guests rubbing their bellies and dabbing their beards? Roast potatoes. If you can get one thing right, let it be your roast spuds. Right Lewis? 

“Parboiling is an important step, and shouldn’t be missed! It’s what makes the potatoes so light and fluffy on the inside. Also by cooking them you can really shake and rough up the edges to increase the surface area and get all those lovely golden crispy bits you couldn’t otherwise get. The trick once they’re boiled is to strain and leave them in the colander for a minute or two to really dry them out because the moisture will stop them going crispy quickly. As mentioned this can be done as far as the night before, so it’s even easier. 

After all this time, we finally know where we’ve been going wrong. Shocked roast potatoes not *shocking* roast potatoes. Got it. 

Roast chicken

“Chicken has always been tricky to roast to perfection. With different parts, breasts and legs needing different times and temperatures, an all encompassing recipe is nearly impossible. However the following tips will help you on your way to a better bird,” says Ben Ebbrell, Co-Founder and Chef at Sorted Food, the world’s leading online food and cooking community. 

“Buy the best you can afford – Quality chicken really does win over quantity. Whether it be free range, free to roam or a barn bird, not only the texture but also the flavour will be much improved by focusing on the quality of raw ingredients.

Where it all begins: The roux  

A roux – a mixture of fat and flour – will not only help to thicken up the sauce but will also provide a creaminess. To make it, you’ll need a tablespoon of butter and flour, and the leftovers in your roasting tin. Whisk until brown and pour in either stock or white wine, according to your taste, in order to thicken up the gravy.  

Let the roasting tin do all the hard work

Roast your meat (this works particularly well with chicken) with lots of white wine, stock, onion, thyme, garlic, lemon and butter in a roasting tin. When you remove your meat or veggie alternative, you’ll be left with the perfect gravy. Simply whisk the juices over medium heat and add flour to thicken the gravy up. Strain to achieve a smooth, lump-free gravy.  

Glorious Gravy

Whatever meat or plant-based roast you fancy, the importance of gravy cannot be ignored.  

Of course, gravy can be whipped up in seconds with granules but with a few neat tricks such as making the most of the juices in your roasting tin and calling on some store cupboard essentials, you can easily create a gravy that’s packed full of depth and flavour, no granules necessary. 

These quirky tips and simple recipes from Sophie Nahmad, Chef at recipe box service, Gousto, will help you elevate your roast with a top-notch gravy in no time.

 Try adding Marmite

You either love it or hate it. Well, nobody can hate Marmite in gravy because you won’t know it’s there, but the gravy will be rich and packed full of umami flavour. This is a great way to make a vegan or vegetarian gravy too.   

  

  

Mix in some fig 

For a delicious onion gravy, intensified with fig relish for a deep, fruity, festive richness, try the recipe below. Perfect served over a delicious sausage and mash. 

Try going vegan 

Craving a warm, wholesome roast with a rich gravy? Gousto has created a delicious vegan version.  

 Sweeten things up with some toffee 

Sweet and savoury, complete your roast with Gousto’s moreish toffee apple gravy. You’ll simmer apple with beef stock to add a rich flavour to your meal.  

There’s a cold snap in the air, we’re all thinking about buying an electric blanket this Black Friday and Strictly is back on our screens, which can only mean one thing… winter’s officially waiting in the wings and from here on out, dinner will be exclusively pie/Deliveroo-based. Not mad about it.

For a quick and easy recipe that’s as hearty as it is faff-free and ideal for a cosy midweek dinner alongside GBBO, keep this mash-topped cottage pie recipe up your (dressing gown) sleeve! 

Reasons to love it:

Quick and easy

Can batch cook

Freezes well

Easy to adapt filling for preferences and dietary requirements 

Ready in well under an hour

Great for sneaking in veg for fussy eaters and tiny tums 

This is a guest post written by Body Acceptance Advocate, Model & Content Creator, Nelly London.
For content pitches please email contact@zoella.co.uk.

I don’t think I’ve even thought about starting a new hobby in about eight years. I feel like after a certain age we figure out the things we like, we find our routines, and we stick to our circles, and there usually isn’t any room for dramatic new hobbies or exciting obsessions, or at least we don’t think there is…

I don’t know exactly what it was that I was so scared of, but I know it wasn’t the activity itself, which is weird because it’s actually pretty difficult hanging upside down from a height with no safety equipment and with no previous experience, but my brain somehow skipped all that and went straight to the social interaction side of the experience.

I don’t find meeting new people easy, I never have, which is part of the reason I’m so glad I really forced myself to turn up for this. I’ve been going back to the classes for about two months now and I’m not lying when I say it’s my favourite part of the week. Not just because it turns out I love aerial skills (who would’ve thought it) but because it’s so lovely to see people who are all there for the same reason as you – to learn something new. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’ve found any soul ties, but I have met some genuinely lovely and supportive people who have really demonstrated that we all feel the exact same anxieties. 

If you’ve had something that you’ve been wanting to try for ages, my advice would be to just do it. Seriously, just sign up, pay the deposit, put your name on the list, whatever it is, just go for it.

Nelly London

It’s easy to catastrophise and think about the worst case scenario when it comes to social anxiety. What if I’m the odd number and get stuck without a partner, what if people already know each other and I get left out, what if I bend over and my leggings burst open and I am humiliated for the rest of my life?! I know how easy it is to spiral. But remember, our worst thoughts are not our realities, and those things are not likely to happen. And you know what, if they did happen you would cope with them, just how you cope with everything else. 

Good luck at your new gym class, or on your new sports team, or in your new open water swimming club, or at that life drawing class, or at hot yoga, or at the comedy club open mic night. You’re gonna smash it! 

You can follow Nelly over on Instagram and YouTube.

The secret’s out. Prepare to grow.

Here at Zoella, our passion for self-care and comfort is unmatched. Whether it be leaning into rituals that keep our minds feeling good when life is hard, or banishing the guilt associated with letting our bodies rest, you could go as far as to say that wellbeing is our *thing*.  

That’s why our latest collab, for more reasons than one, felt like the most natural union of all. Introducing: future self + zoella, the let go and grow collection.

Combining the bold expression and empowering mantras at the core of Zoella, with the self-improvement, focus and drive from future self, the collection is one that makes you both look and feel good! Centred around the collaboration’s limited edition, bespoke print, consider your wardrobe levelled up and a serious dose of fun injected into your current outfit rotations with a slice of the collection on your rail.

But that’s not all! We’ve included the little ones in this collection too, with a bespoke print Kids Range in sizes 1-2 & 2-3 years old. Choose from hoodies, sweatshirts, joggers & socks! Look up the dictionary definition of ‘cute’ and you’ll find our mini tracksuits.  

Pre-order your favourite pieces from the collection now to secure your faves, or shop when general release comes around on the 30th October.  

Listen to your body. Be kind to your mind. Let go and grow.

Whether you can recite your sun, moon and rising sign backwards in your sleep or you just like to dip into your daily horoscope so that you can over analyse your every decision (lol, we stan Pisces), there’s an astrology tattoo out there for you. 

From fine line constellations and minimal designs for the low-key ink lover, to cherubs, planets and tarot cards, here’s 30 cosmic tattoos to inspire your new tattoo. Just don’t book it whilst mercury’s in retrograde, eh…

1. A tiny shell for the water signs and an ode to the birth of Venus.  

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2. An astral masterpiece is what it is. 

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3. This dainty stick and poke Cancer constellation is a vibe.  

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4. Gang’s all here and they’re looking *celestial* 

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5. A bewitching shoulder tattoo if ever we’ve seen one.  

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6. A barely-there Aquarius constellation piece. 

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7. A big tarot card mood. 

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8. One for you, charming, beautiful, well-balanced Libras. 

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9. A hand-poked witch’s hand for the Circe fans. 

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10. A teeny, tiny Leo symbol for the minimalist ink-lover. 

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11. Floral but make it witchy!

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12. Because books are magic. 

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13. Louder for the people at the back

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14. Gorgeous, gorgeous girls get delicate zodiac tattoos. 

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15. Celestial finger tats? The limit does not exist. 

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16. The planet of karma!

@polyc_sj

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17. Category is: cute and meaningful. 

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18. Décolletage details ~ delicate and dreamy 

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According to Psychology Today, men are feeling lonelier than ever as they struggle to meet the ‘higher standards’ of modern women (translation: healthy relationship expectations). 

In 2022, cis-hetero women would sooner stay single than settle for anything less than what they deserve, and when you have a read of some of the dating stories below, you can see why singledom is preferable by a long shot. 

Psychologist Greg Matos puts the rise of lonely single men down to the relationship-skills gap in which women are looking for partners who share the same values, are emotionally available and good communicators. They may call that high standards but where we’re coming from, we call that the bare minimum. 

Greg explains, “With so many options (men represent approximately 62% of dating app users), it’s not surprising that women are increasingly selective. I do a live TikTok show (@abetterloveproject) and speak with hundreds of audience members every week; I hear recurring dating themes from women between the ages of 25 and 45: They prefer men who are emotionally available, who are good communicators, and who share their values. For men, this means a relationship skills gap that, if not addressed, will likely lead to fewer dating opportunities and longer periods of being single. There’s less patience for poor communication skills today. The problem for men is that emotional connection is the lifeblood of healthy, long-term love and it requires all the skills that families still are not consistently teaching young boys.”

@a.gregmatos

My response to the hate mail #psychologistsoftiktok #men #menshealth #foryou

♬ [Chill] Lo-Fi HipHop(856705) – Yu Yaguchi

In the article titled ‘The Rise of Lonely, Single Men’, Greg calls for men to address this skills deficit by placing greater worth on emotional connection. “It means valuing your own internal world and respecting your ideas enough to communicate them effectively. It means seeing intimacy, romance, and emotional connection as worthy of your time and effort.

We have an opportunity to revolutionise relationships and establish new, healthier norms starting with the first date. It’s likely that some of these romances will be transformative and healing, disrupting generational trauma and establishing a fresh culture of admiration and validation. Men have a key role in this transformation but only if they go all-in

Greg Matos

With all that in mind, we can only hope this societal shift paves the way for better experiences and honest conversations. Until then, join us as we bond over the abysmal dates that may as well have been an intensive course in mental resilience. Melting face emojis at the ready… 

Here’s a short collection of funny bad dating stories. Funny yes, but not funny haha, funny weird. 

He’d be swiping right on his deathbed 

All going well, came back from the loo and he was on Tinder…

It’s a match!

We got matching tattoos. It was the first date…

Pillow spray gate

I met a guy from Hinge for a drink and he brought an overnight bag with him.

Mystic Mike 

I told him my dad had died and he said, “I could have guessed that about you.”

Imagine this guy on Flying Ant Day 

First date, in a beer garden, he kept walking away mid conversation to take pictures of bugs.

The accidental Mukbang 

He brought me to the restaurant he works at without telling me and all his colleagues were hanging around our table.

That’s one way to call it a night…

First date, he’d had an op and was on painkillers. One drink later and he literally passed out on the table.

Where there’s blame there’s a claim! 

One time at the end of the date he dropped me home so I got my bag out the boot of his car and when I shut it, the whole windscreen smashed… he made me pay for it. No second date, obviously.

First date fire

I Leant in to whisper something sexy to him in a speakeasy posh cocktail bar and my hair caught alight in the candle flame. Mood killer.

So, you’ve got a car – that don’t impress me much 

Took me to a Tesla garage to show me he could afford to buy a Tesla….

Top up?

I kicked a glass of wine into his plug socket and short circuited his house.

Mr Has He No Shame?!

He asked if he could use my Instagram to look up my mate (private account) as he fancied her more.

Does he know how eating works?

Told me he thought girls who finished a whole meal in a restaurant were greedy.

Smooth operator 

He casually left the table mid-date to meet his drug dealer.

Little Miss Eulogy 

Asked me to come to his aunt’s funeral on the second date. I nearly passed away myself when he told me to say a few words at the end! Sad as it was, I’d never met Aunt Clara. 

Like a scene from Ratatouille 

Turned up to the date dressed in a suit with his pet rat perched on his shoulder. 

Unforgivable 

He didn’t know what Waterstones was. Never saw him again. 

Body language? He doesn’t know it 

I went on a date where we went to mini golf followed by dinner. The mini golf went well, but I wasn’t sure I fancied him. Anyway, we go for dinner & low and behold, I get the ick. Nothing in particular, I just didn’t wanna be on the date anymore! But we were seated in a booth / table and chair, so I couldn’t just leave. He kept trying to sit next to me. It became like musical chairs! He had a seat opposite me, why on earth would we share one side of a table and sit on the same side?!

Make that a burger-to-go please

I dated a guy with the same name as my dad. He came over for a BBQ with my parents and my mum called my dad’s name but they both turned around. I threw up in my mouth. 

Zero curb appeal 

He wouldn’t let me park my car on his drive because it didn’t go with his home aesthetic.  

It’s a hard pass 

He asked me to peg him in his parent’s bed. We were only three dates deep.

Red flag city

First date with a guy I knew through a friend. He’d planned the date, took me to his mate’s house where he proceeded to show me his collection of swords and knives. I thought I was going to die!

Once a cheat, always a cheat

He cheated at Uno. That’s it. That’s the tweet. 

Take that curry sauce off of him at once 

This was date number 2 or 3. Me and this guy were driving back from a date & grabbed a McDonald’s. The entire time we were eating he kept burping and farting (when I say it was a lot, it was a LOT)!! Now, I love a Maccies, but it took me MONTHS to have a meal after that experience.