If you're planning to channel Woodstock vibes this summer then crochet should absolutely be on your shopping list...
Shaggy hairdos, roller skating in flared jeans, Fleetwood Mac and knitted hot pants- yep, you’ve landed in the ’70s, and the obsession with all things retro is here to stay this summer…
TikTok and Instagram are abuzz with all things 1970s and honestly, we’re not mad about it. Crochet is one such trend, and if you’re planning to channel Woodstock vibes then it should absolutely be on your shopping list this season. One of the best parts about rocking crochet is the versatility of the trend and how many items it spans, whether it be full-on holey dreaminess in the shape of a co-ord, maxi dress or skirt, to smaller nods to the trend as bucket hats or beach bags, there are big and small ways you can get in on the hype whilst still making it wearable for you.
House of Sunny’s iconic Hockney Dress sparked a love for all things knitted everything during 2020 and crochet is the next fun and fabulous extension of that, guaranteeing you a cute AF Insta pic and some “she looks great!” glances in the street.
Zoe
This is definitely my favourite fashion trend this summer! I need stopping at this point as I just want to fill my entire wardrobe with crochet knit items. Especially good for pregnancy as it’s pretty stretchy and very airy on those hot days! haha! Zara has some particularly lovely pieces.
I’m not sure I love the very extra Coachella vibe crochet (probably just because I’m salty I’m not at a festival this year) but I’m all over a subtle nod to the trend! This dress from Zara is so chic and sexy and would look so gorgeous on holiday with a tan *cries. I’ve paired it with some Shrek worthy accessories to add a little somethin’ somethin’ and I honestly love it!
I’ve always loved a bit of crochet in the summer for those boho beach vibes but it’s definitely having a bit more of a moment this year! I always think if you’re just wanting to dip a toe into a trend it’s best to start with accessories, so I’ve picked this pastel blue floral bucket hat and tote. You could probably pop these on with most summer outfits but I’ve gone for fresh white dress and pastel strap sandals.
I am living for the crochet comeback – what a cheery summer staple. Zara & Mango have some gorgeous pieces in at the moment and since my summer wardrobe is still in the loft, it would be rude not to add this lot straight to my basket. I’m just being practical if anything. The cornflower blue set would be great for throwing on as a cover-up after a dip in the sea!
Not sure how I feel about the crochet trend, I like some of it but the majority of it looks like something my nan would wear. Not that there is anything wrong with what my nan wears but not my style… I think the key is to get exciting colours/patterns. So I’ve picked a few items here which I would wear. Likely to some kind of festival or day event.
I am loving crochet this Summer I just think it looks so cool and it’s also very versatile, perfect for beach days but also would look banging at a bottomless brunch, we love to see it! Crochet always trickles back every Summer too, although it’s really blown up this year, but it’s absolutely something that can be worn for many Summers ahead too.
Sashay Into the Season of Love with These Failsafe Wedding Guest Looks
Besides wearing white and anything likely to upstage the bride (big no-no), dressing for a wedding is one of the best excuses out there to bag yourself a new outfit and go all out in contrasting your well loved loungewear- RIP joggers, you won't be missed.
Love isn’t cancelled! After a year of uncertainty and heartbreakingly postponed big days, weddings are slowly but surely filling our calendars again and we couldn’t be happier to celebrate with our nearest and dearest this year. Besides wearing white and anything likely to upstage the bride (big no-no), dressing for a wedding is one of the best excuses out there to bag yourself a new outfit and go all out in contrasting your well loved loungewear- RIP joggers, you won’t be missed.
Whilst it may feel that there are endless choices in the wedding attire department, dress codes and sticking to the well worn tracks of pastels, florals, silk and tailoring mean you can’t stray far wrong in dressing appropriately for the big day in question. If you have multiple celebrations to attend this summer, consider renting a ‘fit that you otherwise might not be able to justify purchasing outright (FYI you can check out our previous post for the details) or opt for a two piece suit that you can mix and match in the future. Attending a wedding might leave you feeling pressured to buy something shiny and new for the occasion, but if the Klarna emails are piling up then consider opting for a cotton dress that can be worn more easily day to day layered with a t-shirt, or a classic slip dress design that will be in style for decades to come.
If you love positive affirmations and inspiring sayings to help your mental health on Instagram, then you probably follow Stacie Swift! Find out how she got started...
First off, how are you and how is your 2021 going?
I am good, thank you! I think busy is the best word to describe my state of mind and year so far!
I have three young children so there has been lots of juggling through the changing restrictions this year. Work-wise I’m lucky to have been working on some really fab projects and loads of really fun promotion and products for my soon-to-be-published second book, The Positively Awesome Journal.
Can you tell us about the work you do as an illustrator?
I create bright, positive, colourful designs often with a self-care or mental well-being theme. My illustrations serve as a reminder that we are never alone in our struggles – drawing is a really cathartic process for me and illustrating my thoughts and feelings allows me space to work through my ups and downs.
What steps did you take in your education and career to get you where you are today?
Initially I wanted to be a lingerie designer so after my A Levels I went on to study for an Art Foundation at London College of Fashion… and then I didn’t get a place on the degree course I’d hoped to join and so I took some time out. While I was working in non-creative jobs (but always finding time for drawing!) I fell in love with the idea of illustration. I enrolled on an Illustration short course at Central St Martins and used the projects to build up my portfolio and then successfully applied to study BA Illustration at Middlesex Uni. It wasn’t the most straightforward route but the journey was invaluable!
What inspired you to start your Instagram account and was it always illustrations?
When I first started using Instagram I was running a much more product-based business, selling greeting cards and prints online and wholesaling to retailers. I used my account to promote my products but also shared a lot of photos of my cats! I already knew a lot of other creative small business owners so it was a brilliant way to stay connected and inspired with the creative community – I’m glad that aspect of IG hasn’t changed for me.
A lot of your infamous IG quotes revolve around mental health, why do you think social media is such a great outlet for this content?
I think the accessibility of social media makes it a great resource for conversations around mental health and wellness. I also think feel-good and thought provoking content can be a great antidote to some of the less inspiring and comparison-inducing posts we see in our feeds.
There’s also something really reassuring about people you are familiar with online discussing topics that can be hard to navigate in real life – so it’s a great way to normalise and de-stigmatise mental health. It makes me so happy that the posts I share are able to offer people validation and comfort.
What has been your biggest ‘pinch me’ moment during your career?
I think the first time I held my books – and then seeing them in actual bookshops – was so surreal. Such dream come true moments!
Can you tell us about your book “You are Positively Awesome” and the journal that sits alongside it?
Of course!
My first book You Are Positively Awesome published in July 2020, at the height of the pandemic – that was a steep learning curve! The book is very much an extension of my Instagram posts; I wanted it to be as bright and colourful as my feed but with prompts and reminders that make it a really useful self-care resource that you can keep going back to through all of life’s ups and downs. It has chapters covering everything from self-love to saying ‘no’, imposter syndrome and the importance of kindness.
My next book, The Positively Awesome Journal, is publishing in a few weeks (July 8th 2021). It is just as bold and rainbow-filled but is super interactive and full of activities, inspiration and self-care prompts. It’s a book that will help you work through your own experiences and support your well-being – it has lots of space for writing, drawing and reflection so you can really make it your own.
What are you currently working on?
I’ve been working on some fun freelance projects, including a collaboration with Great Ormond Street Hospital Arts that I’m super excited about. And then the plan is to finalise some ideas for my next book(s)!
Who are some of your current favourite follows?
@simplepolitics have been my go-to for making sense of the news this year
@nina_tame is fun, stylish and shares so many informative posts
@munyachawawa – his reels are genius (and hilarious)
@mollyjforbes her body-positive anti-diet culture messages are always spot on
What does your perfect weekend look like?
In a dream world, it’d involve lie-ins, brunch and a market or exhibition.
In reality, I have three children (my eldest is only 6) so a weekend that includes pancakes, a trip to the park, an afternoon film and plenty of hot coffee would be fab!
What do you always carry with you?
My phone and a Diet Pepsi – I’m probably a little bit more addicted to both than I’d care to admit.
What would your last ever meal be?
I am so indecisive when it comes to choosing what to eat! It’d probably have to be Macaroni Cheese or my mum’s roast dinner, followed by lots of mini desserts – I’ve got a really sweet tooth.
What is one positive piece of advice you could give to our audience?
Make time to prioritise your mental health. Nothing is more important that your well-being.
What To Read This Summer – The Ultimate Books To Throw In Your Beach Bag
From new publications to perennial feel-good fiction, these beach-side companions will punctuate your ocean dips and sunbathing sessions rather nicely.
Picture this. Your out of office is on (aggressively on. You may as well have written please hesitate to reach out to me), you’ve got a few days off and the forecast is a full house of fat yellow suns, so you decide to take yourself off down the beach to read your book. Instant mental health boner, right?
The gentle lapping of the waves, the sand in between your toes, the vitamin D, the uninterrupted sunshine and plot twists, the obligatory Calippo vs Magnum vs overpriced Mr Whippy conundrum. Gah, there is no escapism so pure, so ingeniously simple as unfurling a new buzzy book whilst lounging by the seaside like a sun-kissed siren on the rocks.
There is no escapism so pure, so ingeniously simple as unfurling a new buzzy book whilst lounging by the seaside
As for the reading material, anything goes when it comes to easy breezy beach reads but there are certain balmy novels we gravitate towards at this time of year. Light-hearted (for the most part), unputdownable, fast-paced thrillers, true-to-life memoirs and juicy contemporary romances – those are the kind of stories we are all too glad to share with our SPF 50.
From new publications to perennial feel-good fiction, these beach-side companions will punctuate your ocean dips and sunbathing sessions rather nicely.
The Summer Job – Lizzy Dent
Want to escape real life for a while? Run away with Birdy Finch, a messy heroine who blagged her best friend’s identity to land her dream job. A hot new voice in contemporary fiction, Lizzy Dent’s heartwarming debut will have you honking with laughter. Fans of Fleabag, Bridget Jones and Bridesmaids will gobble up this highland (mis)adventure in no time at all. Purchase through Bookshop.org here.
Ruthless Women – Melanie Blake
Glitz, glamour, drama, humour and suspense, Melanie Blake’s Ruthless Women has it all in spades. Hailed the hottest book of 2021, it’s sure to be the addictive page-turner you need in your life after a long and horny lockdown. If you like your beach reads on the raunchy side, dive headfirst into this bonkbuster. Purchase through Bookshop.org here.
You Have A Match – Emma Lord
A modern take on the Parent Trap trope, You Have A Match follows the story of Abby Day, who discovers she has a secret Instagram influencer sister. The pair hatch a plan to meet up at a summer camp to get to know each other and unravel this big juicy family secret. If you’re hankering for some feel-good fiction, this coming-of-age story will make for the perfect deckchair sidekick. Purchase here.
The Road Trip – Beth O’Leary
From the queen of beach bag reads herself, Beth O’Leary’s latest novel is the bookish summer staple you can’t miss. With echoes of Normal People, you’ll have no problem inhaling it in one sunny sitting. Just make sure you’ve secured a spot close to the sea to cool off after the sexy south of France scenes dabs forehead. Purchase through Bookshop.org here.
Open Water – Caleb Azumah Nelson
A tender and ambitious debut novel about the relationship between two young black artists. At once an intimate love song to black artistry and a powerful exploration of race, masculinity, loss and trauma, Open Water is dripping with an elegant rhythm all of its own. If you loved Normal People, you’ll adore this delicately crafted masterpiece about love and all its nuances. Purchase through Bookshop.org here.
Seven Days in June – Tia Williams
If you like your romances on the raw and gritty side, send your heartfelt thanks to Tia Williams. In Seven Days in June, we’re introduced to two writers who reunite at a literary event 15 years after they shared a whirlwind romance, only they’re pretending they don’t know each other. Cue the undeniable sexual tension. Not only is SDIJ sexy as hell, Williams’ writing manages to shift effortlessly between light-hearted interactions and sensitive subject matter with effortless tact. A sappy and predictable romance this is not. Its deliciously witty dialogue, fully realised characters and deft handling of love, race and second-chances will stay with you long after summer. Purchase through Bookshop.org here.
Miss Benson’s Beetle – Rachel Joyce
Margery Benson, a socially awkward forty-something teacher, and Enid Pretty, a yellow-haired bombshell in a hot pink suit, form an unlikely duo in this intoxicating tale of female friendship, rebellion and self-discovery. The two women leave 1950s Britain on an expedition to New Caledonia to find the elusive golden beetle Margery’s father taught her about in her childhood. Enid Pretty is everything Margery hates and the last person she’d want assisting her on this once-in-a-lifetime adventure but as the two share the setbacks and successes of this hilarious jaunt, it turns out they make quite the team. Purchase through Bookshop.org here.
The House on Fripp Island – Rebecca Kauffman
Slap on a fresh layer of SPF and have your cocktail of choice within reach because once you start reading this, you’re not moving until you finish it. For 336 glorious pages, Kauffman treats us to a family saga of epic proportions. This is the ultimate tell-a-friend book you’ll be waxing lyrical about all summer long. Purchase through Bookshop.org here.
Malibu Rising – Taylor Jenkins Reid
From the best-selling author of Daisy Jones & The Six and The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo comes Malibu Rising – a juicy riptide of a book about four famous siblings and their epic annual end of summer house party. What could possibly go wrong? By midnight the party will descend into drug-fuelled chaos, by morning, the family mansion will be engulfed in flames. A fast-paced, unputdownable family drama, destined to be read with a beachy backdrop. Purchase through Bookshop.org here.
Beach Read – Emily Henry
One look at the cover and you’d have every reason to believe this is a fun and flirty summer read with absolutely zero chance of making you weep into your Mr Whippy. Is there another name for that? Yes: wildly led astray in the best possible way and texting your friends at 1am with a message that simply reads: “I will never read again. F*cking sobbing”, just about covers it. It’s not A Little Life howling bad but it’s raw and it’s honest and the lump in your throat will have to come out somehow.
Two authors, who also happen to be frenemies and beach house neighbours, are struggling with writer’s block. January is a happy-ever-after romance author, Gus is a serious literary fiction author. So, they decide to take on the challenge of writing their respective genres to see who gets published first which requires hanging out (a lot) and learning to be vulnerable with one another. With whip-smart dialogue, unforgettable main characters and all the tongue-in-cheek hilarity, it has everything the title promises and more. Purchase through Bookshop.org here.
Girl A – Abigail Dean
TW: child abuse, childhood trauma
A gripping psychological thriller and a searing portrait of survival, Girl A is a haunting pitch black novel, punctuated with moments of life-affirming humanity. It tells the story of an eight-year-old girl named Lex, one of eight Gracie siblings, who escaped from her parents’ House of Horrors after years of abuse. When her mother dies in prison, naming Lex as the executor of the will, she must contact her surviving siblings and work out what to do with the house they in which they all suffered. Lex’s resilience in the face of such harrowing devastation will stay with you for a lifetime. Purchase through Bookshop.org here.
Animal – Lisa Taddeo
The debut novel from the author of the bestselling phenomenon Three Women is written with the same signature intensity and truth. The stories that Taddeo couldn’t tell in Three Women find a place here in this cleverly constructed thriller, albeit through a fictive filter. Sure, lend to a friend to discuss in-between mouthfuls of chips and glugs of house white but ask for it back. Purchase through Bookshop.org here.
That Summer – Jennifer Weiner
A novel about the transformative power of female friendship? We’re in there like swimwear. From the boss of beach reads, Jessica Weiner, That Summer is a story about surviving our pasts, confronting our futures and the sustaining bonds of friendship. Purchase through Bookshop.org here.
Threadneedle – Cari Thomas
Anna’s Aunt has always warned her of the dangers of magic. Its twists. Its knots. Its deadly consequences. Now Anna counts down the days to the ceremony that will bind her magic forever. Until she meets Effie and Attis. They open her eyes to a London she never knew existed. A shop that sells memories. A secret library where the librarian feeds off words. A club where revellers lose themselves in a haze of spells. But as she is swept deeper into this world, Anna begins to wonder if her Aunt was right all along. Is her magic a gift … or a curse? Thread Needle is the perfect YA fantasy for anyone hankering for a summer of magic. Purchase through Bookshop.org here.
The Other Black Girl – Zakiya Dalila Harris
Twenty-six-year-old editorial assistant Nella is tired – tired of being the only black employee at Wagner Books, tired of the micro-aggressions and tired of the marginalisation. So, when newcomer Hazel joins the company, Nella is thrilled to have another black woman on the team until she becomes the rising star and undermines her role. Then the menacing notes start appearing on Nella’s desk advising her to leave her job unless she wants bad things to happen…
From jumpsuits to dresses and shorts to crop tops, Terry toweling is a surprisingly versatile material that thanks to brands like Jaded and Skims have taken over our Insta feeds and bridged the gap between comfort and cool.
New summer trend alert! If you were still feeling a little sceptical about leaving loungewear and the comfort of elasticated waistbands behind, never fear, Terry towelling is here to save the day. Praise be! This comfy yet chic trend is everything you need on a day when you really cba but still want to look somewhat put together, and can be both dressed up and dressed down to suit your every post lockdown need.
From jumpsuits to dresses and shorts to crop tops, Terry toweling is a surprisingly versatile material that thanks to brands like Jaded and Skims have taken over our Insta feeds and bridged the gap between comfort and cool. Whether it’s to throw on after a dip in the sea or with a high pony for bottomless brunch, all things Terry towelling heaven won’t be one you regret adding to basket.
Zoe
Okay, I flipping love this trend! I actually already own a Terry towelling co-ord that I ordered a few years ago so managed to find a great dupe on ASOS! It’s comfortable to wear, not as thick or warm as you might think. Would wear this with chunky trainers, some sunnies and then also found this tote which could be overkill with the outfit, but a nice little nod with something else.
I love the plush terry cloth fabric, especially for carefree summer days down the beach or by the pool. In fact, I just snapped up this blue terry cloth playsuit from Mango and have worn it to death ever since. It’s so easy to throw on with trainers or sandals, a tote bag and sunnies and head out for the day.
I love the look of these rompers for summer, unsure on whether I’ll look like a giant baby but I’m sure id still rock it in my garden. I’d love to pop this on for a beach day or down to my local lido with a swimming cosi, sandals, classic beach tote and of course a chunky gold necklace.
I love this trend, especially for unpredictable British Weather. This Co-ord would be perfect for a long day at the beach. Chuck the shorts on when you’ve just been for a dip and want to cover up a bit more. Then as it gets into the evening, perhaps having a cheeky BBQ, chuck on the jumper. Paired with some sexy, comfortable, practical crocs and you’re all set for a day at the seaside.
I honestly couldn’t possibly love this trend more! I have a pair of Terry towelling shorts from a Warehouse X Shrimps collab a couple of years ago and they’ve truly been one of my most ever worn summer items so I’m absolutely on board with adding more of this texture to my wardrobe. I’ve gone for a warm colour palette that makes me think of holidays and some little sandals I think are perfect for a day out shopping or brunch with the girls. No look is complete without a tote bag IMO and I love this one from ASOS so much!
I love this trend so much! Towelling is so versatile, it’s great for the beach too and looks super cute. I’ve styled two outfits with the same accessories because I loved both so much. This lilac playsuit is so cool and paired with white trainers is such a laid back look. Also obsessed with these yellow towelling shorts from Collusion paired with this floral bralet from Monki!
Between You and Me: Your Problems Answered Part 17
From losing your virginity and being more accessible to finding out your boyfriends OnlyFans bill, we're back with our big sister advice.
This month we asked for your summer-loving woes and you didn’t disappoint with some good old juicy stories. From losing your virginity and being more accessible to finding out your boyfriends OnlyFans bill, we’re back with our big sister advice that absolutely should be taken with a grain of salt because hey, we’re not trained therapists, just a bunch of women who want to listen and help.
Charlotte
Hi anon! First things first, it sounds like you have a fair bit of dating experience which I think is really positive when looking for ‘the one’ or a long term partner because you truly know what you’re seeking from a romantic relationship, so you have a great foundation there already! However, because you have this experience it also might feel like you inherently ‘know’ what’s out there, what to expect from guys and have written yourself a version of the future which hasn’t even happened yet. You didn’t mention how you’re meeting your dates but if it’s via dating apps then I think the issue of age is one that can be quite easily resolved by adjusting your preferences and only agreeing to meet men of a similar age. Alternatively, do you have any friends in relationships who’s boyfriends might have single friends that could work as potential dates? Working with your existing pool of contacts in the city might mean you’re more likely to find someone at the same stage in life as you and could reduce the chance of any more non starters ruled out because of age.
I know that where you live can absolutely have an impact on your dating life, as for example I’m fully aware that if I were to date in my family home town the options would be severely limited, but I guess I’m wondering if you feel it would make enough of a difference to consider uprooting your life entirely? If you’re itching for a change in general (it sounds like this could be the case as you mentioned coming to the UK which really would be a dramatic change in the course of your future) then I don’t think moving is a terrible idea, I’d just be sceptical of doing so purely on the basis of dating. If you think it would enhance your life in other ways too (work, friends, life experiences) then I think it’s absolutely worth a shot, but don’t turn your world on its head purely on the basis of finding a partner- I’m a firm believer that the universe times everything as it’s meant to be and maybe things are in the works that you just don’t know of yet.
Keep positive, hopeful and most importantly confident in yourself and be safe in the knowledge that things WILL work out. Don’t lose hope and don’t rule things out just because it feels like you know better- sometimes the universe works in mysterious ways.
Danielle
Hello, anon!
Thanks for writing in, especially from across the pond! I’m glad you included the information about where you’re from in your question as I think it’s the most important bit. To decide that there are no suitable romantic prospects in an entire state that you’re about to move to sounds like a huge generalisation but I’m sure you already know that. It seems like you’re worrying about it and writing it off before you’ve even got there which isn’t the best state of mind to be in. A lot of people will tell you the universe hands back the energy you’re giving it, and if you keep thinking there are no potential partners for you I don’t think one will magically come along. I think the most important thing is to move somewhere that makes you happy, forget about relationships and finding a partner and just focus on where you feel comfortable and inspired, where you can make friends that you have fun with, your vibe attracts your tribe and all that! I know New York is a lot more modern and fast-paced than Utah/Salt Lake City so maybe now is the time to decide if you should get used to where you are or make the move for happiness somewhere else?
Either way, don’t write off every prospect you never know what’s around the corner!
Holly
Hello my love,
Thanks for sending in your question, I can imagine that’s tough to open up about. Firstly, I don’t think fancying older men is odd (I mean it depends how old we’re talking) but each to their own. There is definitely some people more than double my age that I would like to go on a date with or more…
There is also absolutely nothing wrong with not having done more than kiss before. I have friends that are almost 30 and have never even kissed somebody. They just haven’t found the right person they want to be intimate with, the important thing is to wait until it’s right for you. There is no right or wrong time.
To answer – how to tell them, I genuinely don’t think it needs to be a big deal. Just meet up with someone with the intention of having fun, if it comes up in conversation naturally then mention it. Then if it comes to the point where you’ve found someone you want to sleep with, hopefully, you feel comfortable enough to share your past. I do think it’s important to be honest beforehand just so whoever you’re with knows to be gentle, but it’s also not something you have to share with just anyone.
Generally speaking, any decent human being wouldn’t judge you for being a virgin. In my experience, boys under 30 tend to be not that emotionally mature so I think they would probably be a bit weirder about it. Older people understand that everyone’s life experience is different, and that’s OK!
The main thing is don’t pressure yourself either way. You like who you like. And for the right person, how experienced you are won’t matter.
Sending you lots of positivity and luck, go get ’em!
Holly xx
Darcey
Hey anon! Firstly, absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin at 21, we all do things at different points in our life, I have friends who are the same age as me (23) who haven’t had sex yet and that is okay. I said this in another answer, but virginity means different things for different people and there shouldn’t be this societal pressure to lose it. Losing your virginity can be nerve-wracking, but honestly, there isn’t anything to be nervous about, those nerves will go when you know it’s the right moment for it to happen. I think the build-up if anything brings on the nerves, the “when will it happen” jitters.
Secondly dating older men also is fine if the relationship is consensual and you are both happy within that relationship. Obviously, you are 21, an adult, you can make decisions for yourself, but I’d be interested to know why you like older men. As I think if it’s a case of seeing them as more mature, that is not always the reality. I’ve dated guys who are the same age as me who have been super respectful and mature, I’ve dated guys who are like 7-8 years older than me, who have not been respectful with their actions and behaved childishly if I’m honest. I just wanted to put this out there in case you were kind of in the mindset of the older the more mature, as some people never grow up ha! But absolutely I see nothing wrong with dating older men, we all find different people attractive.
When it comes to dating older men and being a virgin, I honestly don’t think that matters at all. Mature men won’t care that you are a virgin or see it as an issue, if they ask you then you can tell them if you feel comfortable in doing so, if they act weird about it, see ya later! There’s no wrong or right answer to when you lose it, or who you lose it to. As long as you feel happy and comfortable with your decision, that is all that matters. Best of luck with everything! Xx
Danielle
Hello love,
Thank you so much for writing in, especially about a subject that could be affecting a lot of relationships these days! Firstly let me say you are absolutely enough, and no one – especially your partner – should make you feel like that.
Secondly, if I was in your situation I have to say I’d be absolutely fuming. I think if I knew if/how much my partner spent on OnlyFans I’d have to just deal with those uncomfortable feelings because essentially there’s nothing wrong with your partner consuming pornographic content especially when it means sex workers are getting paid. You have to trust that your partner is consuming the content responsibly and obviously it crosses a line if they’re messaging someone one on one.
However, in your case, I think subscribing to someone you both know is really inappropriate, it’s no longer a stranger on the internet, the line is crossed. The part of your story I find most upsetting is that when you confronted him he tried to minimize it, act like it wasn’t a big deal and after you told him it was, he ‘didn’t understand’ why it would make you feel shit.
I think if the shoe was on the other foot and you were soliciting dick pics from one of his old school mates he’d have an issue! The fact that you were also lending him money during this time makes my blood boil. Make sure you’re only ever lending and never straight up giving a boyfriend money. If he’s stopped and you’ve both agreed to move past it then that’s what you need to do. Maybe you just need to have one more conversation about why you found it so upsetting and also get a sincere apology from him? I’ll finish by saying this is a bit of a red flag, maybe not breakup worthy but don’t forget it in a hurry and stay alert for any other bad behaviour that makes you feel less than. Hope you feel better lovely! xxx
Darcey
There’s a lot to unpack here! Firstly, I want to say that I don’t blame you for feeling hurt still, it’s a really shitty thing for your boyfriend to have done. I wouldn’t mind my boyfriend using OnlyFans, because I see it as a more ethical platform then say PornHub, sex workers get paid and it’s a safe environment for them. However, there’s a line and there sure as hell is boundaries to who you subscribe to on OnlyFans. People you went to school with and who was a close friend of yours? Firm no, absolutely overstepping the boundaries. Not only does this make you uncomfortable, I bet it made the other women uncomfortable too, especially because he paid for extra photos.
Being curious too just seems like a strange thing to say, so basically, you’ve always wanted to see these women naked, so you took the first chance you got? Like there’s a difference between using OnlyFans for sexual pleasure and using it to see women you went to school with naked you know? I’d also be surprised if he didn’t realise the £100 leaving his account like if he’s strapped for cash, £100 is a LOT to just leave your account unnoticed. I think the issue is, he has deleted the app, which is good of him to have done, to me it seems he realised he messed up and has made it right. However, you are still hurt and that’s an issue as this feeling will fester. I want you to know straight up, this has nothing to do with you or how attractive he finds you; you are always enough. But if you are with someone who makes you feel as if you aren’t enough, that’s an issue.
The problem is if you have said you have forgiven him, then rehashing it might cause more issues because he will probably be thinking “well I thought we resolved this, why is this coming up again?”. I think you either must decide to let it go and move past it, or if you can’t move past it, think about if this relationship can move forward with you holding this grudge. I think in the future if you face any other issues that really hurt you, be super vocal and let him know how much he has upset you, honesty is always the best to try and move on.
You are always enough and if he doesn’t see it, well his bloody loss! Sending you lots of love and best of luck with everything in the future Xx
Charlotte
Hello anon! Thank you for writing in on such a vulnerable subject which I would disagree with you on and say is not weird at all- it’s something so, so many people will relate to and will have worried about previously so you’re absolutely not alone in this feeling.
I think it’s really natural to only want your first sexual experiences to be with someone you connect with, but as Darcey says I don’t think this necessarily has to mean relationship status. It might be that you date someone for a few weeks, get along with them really well and it naturally leads to something more intimate together. You might not be able to imagine that you could feel this way with someone fairly soon into meeting them but I’d say don’t rule out the possibility that this is how things might unfold for you. If however as you said you really do want your first time to be with someone that you end up being with afterwards, then the next natural step feels like putting yourself out there a bit and getting the wheels in motion for this to happen. Dating is a different experience for everyone, but I’d say downloading some apps and getting chatting to people is probably the easiest way to build a bit of confidence and get in the headspace for romance! You can take this at whatever pace you like, whether it be just seeing what’s out there for a while and having some casual chats, or diving in the deep end and arranging an IRL date straight away- I think you’ll know what feels most natural and right for you.
Ultimately I think this is something so many people experience and in the end, things tend to fall into place naturally, but I can definitely understand the sense of urgency and wanting to get the ball rolling- you and me both sister! Get yourself some cute date outfits in your repertoire, practice a killer make-up look you feel good in and most importantly feel confident and content in yourself as you start this process. It will be so fun and I can’t wait for you to hopefully update us at some point with the happy ending!
Enjoy hot girl summer!
Darcey
Hey anon! This is such a good question and I think something a lot of people will be pondering post lockdown. Whether you have sexual experience or not, it sometimes can be difficult to pinpoint if you are wanting something casual or serious. I think for you because this isn’t just about dating this is about your first sexual experiences, there’s more to consider. I think if you are saying from the offset, you don’t think you could have sex for the first time with someone and it be casual, take that feeling at face value.
I think if you are hoping for a deeper connection with someone to sleep with for the first time you should try and seek that. I know you said someone you are in a relationship with, but actually even it being with someone you know and trust can be just as fulfilling. Also, you don’t have to jump into sleeping with someone straight away, you can always casually date, do some bits and bobs here if you know what I mean haa, and if the right moment arises with the right person, then go for it! At the end of the day (in my personal opinion) virginity is a bit of a social construct which was created in order to keep women as something that can be ‘owned’, because virginity means so many different things to different people, it’s not just vagina and penis penetration. I think the pressure of losing your virginity can make the experience so intense that you end up not enjoying the experience or feeling regret after due to societal ‘norms’ of how it should happen and when.
I think get yourself out there on the dating scene, Hinge and Tinder fired up, start lining up some dates and see what happens? There really is no wrong or right answer to whether you should keep things casual or serious. I do think try and have somewhat of an idea going into it, as it’s good to be open about what you want early on. Even if that’s saying “I want to date and see what happens, but my end goal is a relationship” or “I am looking for something more casual but open to seeing what happens” as long as someone knows roughly what you are after, dating someone on the same page as you is waaaaay easier, saves all the “what is this, what are we” drama down the line. I think enjoy meeting new people and enjoy the moment! Hope you have the best Summer! Xx
Danielle
Heya love! Great question, I think ‘being accessible’ can mean a few things, but I think of it like the lottery “You’ve got to be in it to win it” which is to say if you want to meet someone at a bar and have an amazing conversation then you need to be at said bar. If you want to meet someone whilst you’re running out for coffee you need to be present and out there and not on your phone. So my best advice is just to say yes to life, go out with friends, get out the house, hit the gym or an exercise class, pick up a new hobby if there’s something you’ve been wanting to try! BUT, and here’s the hard part, try to completely forget about meeting a partner. Don’t do these things desperately searching for a man, they can smell it on you. The most attractive you can be is when you’re just living your life happily, I guarantee as soon as you stop thinking about trying to find a boyfriend they’ll all start to swarm. I WISH someone had given me this advice when I was younger as I remember being so consumed by boys instead of just enjoying the moments with my friends for what they were. The nights I was having the most fun were always the nights people asked for my number. I’ll stop rambling now, just get out there and focus on fun!
Holly
Hello lovely person,
Well, I guess there are 2 ways to look at the term ‘accessible’. You need to be physically out there, meeting people, going new places and confident in talking to new people. On the other, much scarier hand, you need to be emotionally ready to be in a relationship and willing to open up to somebody.
I’m by no means an expert, but from my experience, actually physically meeting people is the easy part. My top tips would be to put on an outfit that you feel confident in and go out with the intention of making new friends. Not everything has to be so serious looking at it like you’re going to find the love of your life. Making great new friends can be just as fulfilling as being in a relationship.
I think now is also the perfect time to put yourself out there and meet new people. Everyone is desperate to socialise after a year of not meeting anyone new. I know it’s scary but most people will be receptive. I know personally if someone came up to me wanting to be my friend I’d welcome them with open arms.
The much harder part is making sure you’re actually emotionally ready for a relationship. Letting someone in is HARD especially if you’ve not been in a relationship for a little while. I really think you have to be happy with yourself before getting into a relationship. It’s so easy to get carried away when you are dating someone that you forget what you really want in a partner. Work on yourself and make sure you’re in a good place, you should be content being alone. A partner should add to the happiness rather than be the basis for it.
I’m also a strong believer that if you’re desperate for a partner, you’ll end up settling which is never good. You deserve to be with the perfect person so don’t rush it.
Hot Weather Heroes for When It’s too Hot for Clothes
The Tesco fridges are ransacked of Pornstar Martini cans, your skin is constantly sticky with SPF and the faint 'it's coming home' chants can be heard far and wide from pubs up and down the country- yep, you guessed it, the heatwave is HERE!
The Tesco fridges are ransacked of Pornstar Martini cans, your skin is constantly sticky with SPF and the faint ‘it’s coming home’ chants can be heard far and wide from pubs up and down the country- yep, you guessed it, the heatwave is HERE! After possibly the longest winter of all time in which you’d be forgiven for entirely forgetting what a full dose of Vitamin D felt like, the sun is out and it feels bloomin’ fantastic. There’s nothing like a forecast of pure sunshine and good vibes to make you realise the U.K. ain’t half bad after all, and you best believe we’ll be soaking up every last bit of sunshine and pub garden Pimms we can get our paws on.
In these desperate times cotton, linen and easy breezy fabrics are your BFFs.
We know what you’re thinking- what could there possibly be to complain about in this sun soaked scenario? We hear you, and the answer: getting dressed. Everything is hot, so very hot, and if wearing nada was a possibility it would probably still be too warm. In these desperate times cotton, linen and easy breezy fabrics are your BFFs, along with white t-shirts you can be 200% sure your inevitable sweat marks aren’t showing through and smock dresses that essentially feel like a ginormous tent billowing in the wind. Dressing practically for these unusually pleasant conditions is the priority, but there’s also no time like a heatwave to rock a bold print you might normally shy away from or to expose a little extra skin (if you feel comfortable) to lap up the rays and add some colour to those limbs.
Add a bucket hat and your fave sunnies and you’re officially picnic/beach/beer garden/mini golf ready!
We discovered Jillian from @Queensofeve when researching our intimate health articles on zoella.com and fell in love with her mission to destigmatize vaginal and vulva health through sharing her experiences and shining a light on those that aren't discussed enough.
First off, how are you, and how is your 2021 going?
I’m doing well thank you! There have certainly been some challenging times but I’m feeling much more positive now restrictions have begun to ease more. I’m loving all the time I’m getting to spend with my friends who I’ve been separated from during the pandemic, you really take things for granted until they are taken away from you. Also loving this sunny weather! I really hope it stays.
Can you tell us about the work you do online?
I primarily run my Instagram page Queens of Eve where I aim to empower, embrace, and educate on intimate health. Specifically vulval health, and the medical bias we experience as women (it’s so interesting to learn about the history of women’s health, however also quite enraging!).
I share my own experiences as I suffer with several gynaecological conditions and Queens of Eve has become not just my own space to share my pain, but an online community of fellow sufferers or simply people who are interested in knowing more about my journey.
Throughout my time running my page I have learnt so much about other gynae conditions that I don’t personally suffer with (such as Endometriosis) so I also try my best to raise awareness on those topics too! I’m really happy that by speaking up it has shown to a lot of people that these topics should not be taboo, and I hope it’s encouraging others to go and seek the medical help they may need or talk openly to their own friends & family about vaginal & vulval issues.
Would you be able to share your personal story with intimate health?
Of course! I’ll give a brief summary as I tried to write my own blog post about this once and it exceeded 7 pages or so (yikes). I believe I’ve always had some degree of vulval pain/irritation even as a child, which I think could be closely linked to my allergens. However it wasn’t until I was sexually active that the relentless issues began.
It started with recurring thrush infections that even left the doctors baffled as to why I kept getting them so often, and then in around 2014/15 I started to experience tearing with sex, literally every single time I tried. Alongside this my vaginal discharge changed to become really heavy and watery which was incredibly distressing and embarrassing for me to cope with. With both of these issues combined I didn’t want anyone to touch me, I felt disgusting and was in constant pain because I had to wear a night pad every single day.
My skin became even worse as it was constantly wet and then had the addition of a sanitary towel tightly pressed against it day in day out (the discharge was so heavy I had no choice but to wear thick protection) and it would feel like mini papercuts around my vulva even just walking around or exercising.
It took 4 years for professionals to discover the discharge issue was caused by a cervical ectropion, and after undergoing two different minor surgeries in 2018 to remove it I can confirm that issue is resolved (as well as stopping contraception). Unfortunately, the answer behind why my skin is so prone to tearing is still something I am on a journey to discovering. I have been passed around multiple departments, sexual health, dermatology, gynaecology but so far no one can figure out what my problem is exactly. My current gynae is amazing and was one of the first people who really took time with me to listen to my worries, reassure me and do her best to help. She diagnosed me with vulvodynia (explains the daily pain/nerve pain) and possible vulval dermatitis.
Why do you think it’s so important we de-stigmatize and educate people on intimate health?
I think by openly talking about these issues it shows others that it’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, because it’s very common and nine times out of ten someone else will be in a very similar position to you. It also helps others to identify whether they could have a more serious problem. For so many years women and vulva owners have been very oppressed when it comes to sex, sexual/intimate health and were perceived as ‘hysterical’ when coming forwards with vaginal/vulval symptoms. In fact, the word ‘uterus’ comes from the Greek word ‘hystera’ meaning hysteria! Similarly this word ‘hysterectomy’ which is a medical procedure also derives from the same background. Unfortunately even today, many people are dismissed by medical professionals and told their issues are in their heads, something I have also personally experienced.
In addition to this, women or people with vaginas could be causing themselves further harm by not being aware of key things to avoid. This is not helped by some brands within the feminine hygiene industry. Things like believing a vagina ‘smells bad’ and then going on to be self conscious by over washing and using harmful soaps/deodorants/wipes thinking that this is helping them, when in fact it is hurting them through a higher risk of contracting infection, which in turn can then make you smell worse!
What are some of the most common misconceptions you see online when it comes to intimate health?
Oooh so many! My BIGGEST gripe which I’m sure anyone who follows me will know is the misconception that your vagina should smell like a rose. We have a naturally acidic pH which will give off a slightly tangy/musty odour but that is normal! All of these wash products that contain fragrance, deodorants (such a weird concept to me that these exist) wipes, and now a new ‘odour eliminating gel’ are all so dangerous because not only do they heighten an already very common insecurity, they actually CAUSE bad odour through the contraction of infections like bacterial vaginosis. Not to mention the ingredients cause irritation and pain, especially for those of us with pre-existing health conditions.
Absolutely nothing should be inserted up into the vaginal canal apart from a tampon/menstrual cup or any approved medical treatments like pessary tablets for thrush.
There’s also a misconception around Endometriosis, firstly there is no cure, so any information or products out there claiming to cure the condition are extremely false. It’s also NOT the same as the endometrium (tissue that makes up the lining of the womb) . It’s tissue similar to the endometrium, but really important to know that it is not the same!
It’s usually hard for women & vagina owners to get a diagnosis, do you have any tips to help people feel more confident?
I completely can relate to this, especially as I don’t really have a diagnosis for my tearing. It can feel so frustrating, tiring and isolating having to constantly repeat yourself to different doctors and to sometimes be easily dismissed. Although it’s so hard to keep motivated and hopeful, my biggest tip would be persistence. You have got to just keep pushing and fighting until you are taken seriously, which really shouldn’t be the case but unfortunately it is.
Also the fact that you know your own body best. If you aren’t confident about advice a doctor has provided, seek a second opinion. If I went by some of the first advice I have been given in my past then I would have made myself a lot worse, but I knew in myself that the issues I was experiencing were more than what I was being told.
Secondly, sexual health clinics are amazing. I have found them so much easier to get appointments within in comparison to GP appointments and they still have the power to be able to refer you to gynaecologists. I was referred to my current gynaecologist through my local sexual health clinic!
What do you hope to achieve in the next few years with Queens of Eve?
I have so many ideas up my sleeve but unfortunately a lot are subject to cost, I don’t have the budget to get started at present so most of these ideas are something I aspire to reach in the future! I would absolutely love to write a book, or e-books on my own story but also covering different ‘taboo’ topics to help destigmatize and empower people to embrace vaginal health.
I’m currently working on my own blog website, something I have had in the past but was never happy with so am taking the time to get it right. I would love to have something similar to Mumsnet but for younger women and covering topics like day to day vaginal health, discharge, periods, conditions and not just about pregnancy and motherhood, my audience is definitely a younger bracket and I don’t see anything quite like this online yet so hopefully I can fill that gap!
For now I am just focusing on growing my platform so that my exposure increases and to help as many women as I can. I’m so pleased with how positive and lovely everyone is and want that to continue.
What are you currently working on?
I’m currently working on my blog website behind the scenes, there’s a lot of work to do for a one woman band with a full time job! I love it though because it’s something I’m truly passionate about. I signed up to a couple of courses at the center for women’s fitness which I need to finish as well, focusing on pelvic floor exercises and myofascial release.
I’m also continuously working on my own social media content, Instagram, TikTok (I feel far too old for this platform at times and it shows haha) and I also have a private Facebook support group & page. I’ve done a couple of podcasts with some lovely ladies, blog posts for the Just Girl project & have hosted some of my own virtual events. Now that COVID restrictions have eased more I may be planning some in person events/meet-ups so watch this space….
Who are some of your current favourite follows?
Can I say Zoella? I don’t know if that’s cheesy but it’s true! I’m so happy that sex, women’s health etc are topics that are being covered by larger platforms so thank you so much.
I love @samtalkssex who co-owns the sex toy retailer Jo Divine. I did a live with Sam & she is so knowledgeable and equally passionate about ingredient safety and I just think she is fabulous and really confident in talking about sex which I find really inspiring!
@drjengunter is INCREDIBLE. I have her book ‘The vagina bible’ and encourage anyone and everyone to read it. She also has her own blog ‘the vajenda’ where she covers vaginal myths, calls out awful products, answers the questions that everyone wants the answers to.
There are so many and I don’t want to leave people out but I’ve also connected with so many amazing people who share similar problems to myself, some of whom I’m excited to meet in person soon! @sugardancegang and @klairedoyleart are two very special ladies that I met through Queens of Eve. We’re having a meet up next month and I can’t wait! Beckie sells her own gorgeous handmade marble candles at Sugar dance gang inspired by film & tv characters, and Claire is such a talented artist who has also done some empowering female body pieces.
What does your perfect weekend look like?
I would say a really peaceful secluded getaway, those tree house lodges you can stay in are right up my street. Lots of scenery, relaxation and having that time to unwind as I’m always so busy. I also love nothing more than going out for dinner, so a lovely evening meal with a few gin and tonics wouldn’t go amiss either! Does anyone have a sausage dog I could take with me? They are my dream.
What do you always carry with you?
Sadly, my phone. I definitely spend way too much time on it but in fairness, my social media channels are what I work on the most so I struggle to put it down. I also always have a little emergency bag in my handbag, full of different medications I may need, tampons, liners, a bit of lip balm, spare contact lenses and sometimes even a spare pair of pants. You just never know when you will need them!
What would your last ever meal be?
Sushi hands down. I think sushi is the only thing I could happily eat for breakfast lunch and dinner. Smothered in soy sauce of course.
What is one positive piece of advice you could give to our audience?
I would say, given the last year and other things I’ve had to go through recently, to just live your life like it’s your last day, every day. There is no time to be unhappy, whatever that may be, try and cut it out. Don’t feel guilty in putting yourself first, you are important and your happiness even more so. As my mum always says, you aren’t here for a long time, you’re here for a good time, so if you want to do that thing you’ve been putting off for whatever reason, just DO IT.
This week the team are sharing the essential (yes Monopoly Deal IS essential) items that we refuse to pack a bag without, both as a reminder for our future holiday going selves and to inspire your own travel bag contents this summer.
It’s vaxxed girl summer everyone and you know what that means? Travel! Within the confines of our country! But travel nonetheless! It might not be the meandering streets of Mykonos or the botanical beauty of Bali, but when you’re in great company, escaping the confines of your day to day and there’s a wee bit of sunshine involved (please Met Office) then who cares the destination, you’re on holiday baby!
Before a staycation might have felt like a last resort, it’s not something we’ll ever take for granted again.
Gratitude and appreciating the small moments of joy in life has been a common theme in the past year or so, and we’re sure you can agree that whilst before a staycation might have felt like a last resort, it’s not something we’ll ever take for granted again. Whether it be The Lake District, Margate, The New Forest, Cardiff, Brighton (our personal favourite) or The Cotswolds, there’s beauty to be found in the big sights and the small, undiscovered experiences and memories that only the U.K has to offer. Wholesome times ahead, people!
And with the endless smiles and photos to come is the also endless organising, packing, repacking and worrying you’ve forgotten something that is universal to every trip away from home. This week the team are sharing the essential (yes Monopoly Deal IS essential) items that we refuse to pack a bag without, both as a reminder for our future holiday going selves and to inspire your own travel bag contents this summer.
What’s a non-negotiable item you would absolutely turn the car around if you forget? Snap if you also said the snack supply.
Zoe
I’ve just got back from a staycation in Suffolk so this has come at the perfect time! Most of the things I took weren’t totally out of the ordinary but I do feel like depending on the type of staycation you’re going on, being able to drive allows you that little bit more space for some home comforts that you’d usually leave behind! I think having cosy joggers with a matching top is good, because if the weather drops in the evening, it works, but also looks great as an out-and-about outfit too. SPF! Just because you’re staying in the UK, don’t forget it! Chunky, comfy slip-on shoes! Qwirkle cubes is also a great game to play with friends and family too!
SPF is always the first thing I’ll pack for a staycation, whatever time of year. This La Roche Posay one is my ultimate go-to, nothing else compares to it. The rest of my bag is usually filled with a mixture of swimwear (because if there’s water of any kind, you bet I’ll be getting in it), a good book, a camera, a nice face mask to do in the evening before getting ready to go out and some sort of cosy layers I can chuck on in the evening.
GET ME ON A TRAIN/IN A CAR/WALKING TO A DREAMY UK LOCATION STAT. As you can tell I feel extremely excited at the prospect of a home away from home trip this year and honestly I always love exploring the U.K. so it will still feel like such a treat! I’ve got a trip booked to Penzance in August and my Instagram saved folder is already packed with things to do and general wanderlust.
My staycation picks are kind of predictable, but what can I say, it’s good to be prepared! Tech is always a must in my ‘don’t forget’ pile and headphones and a portable charger are up there as two of the most essential items, especially during a long car journey. I’m manifesting a summer of sun, sun, sun so of course a cute new bikini is coming with me, along with SPF which of course I wear (mostly) all year round. Finally, are you even human if you don’t leave the house with a tote bag? Didn’t think so.
I just came back from a little staycay in Cornwall and it actually felt like I’d flown to another country after being in my own boring house for so long! Honestly if you’re stressing about booking a holiday abroad just save yourself the anxiety and find something fun to do in your home country, I guarantee it’ll be just as exciting. I bought these super chic white trousers with me and felt like a millionaire in them, I’m usually such a jeans wearer and have trouble finding trousers I like that fit me. Throw in a classic white shirt resort shirt you can wear with said trousers, jeans, midi skirt, or over swimwear! Never go anywhere without my trusty Monopoly Deal, and some sunnies, these hexagonal Ray-Bans are fun. I also came across this cold cream which can be both a cleanser and a mask that sounds dreamy for sunkissed skin. Pack it all up in this lovely green holdall from OB!
The girl guide in me really comes out when packing for a staycation. Most of my weekends away involve my uni friends who can be a bit wild so there’s no choice but to be prepared for every eventuality. And who knows what’s going to happen with British weather. We could need boots, we could need bikinis. Staycations also mean driving so I mean you need snacks and an eye mask for naps right?
I’m so here for the Summer UK staycations! It’s sad to not be able to travel abroad, but this traffic light system is proving… unreliable to say the least. I have a holiday booked for Broadstairs in July which I’m super excited for so these are some of the things I’ll be bringing with me. Number one, I never go anywhere without my La Roche Posay Anthelios SPF, it’s so good and lightweight! A large tote bag is your best friend on holiday, especially if you are heading to the beach and are like me and pack EVERYTHING you could possibly need. I always bring a face mask too, in case you are wanting an impromptu pamper night, also good for the skin when wearing so much sunscreen. Bikini packed of course (fingers crossed for sun ha) and some funky sunnies!
The Fashion Rentals & Made To Order Brands Your Wardrobe Will Want to Commission ASAP
Alongside shopping second hand, these alternatives to shopping cheap and oftentimes poorly made clothes mean you can consume fashion and switch up your wardrobe without the environmental or human rights impact that is inescapable in fast fashion.
We love it even though we shouldn’t. It’s the equivalent of the final Jäger Bomb you know you should say no to, the quick walk in the sun without SPF you tell yourself will definitely be fine, the slightly soggy looking veg that’s got lost in the back of the fridge. That’s right, we’re talking about fast fashion, which can oftentimes feel like going against everything you know better than but still lures you in regardless. And in moderation, all of these things are fine, they serve a purpose and they are necessary (not so much the Jäger Bomb). But perhaps as our priorities change and the impact we leave on our planet becomes more pressing, the need for alternatives becomes necessary too- because stopping shopping altogether isn’t going to happen, but lessening our impact on the environment and embracing slow fashion absolutely can.
Ultimately, the appeal of fast fashion is the low price, making it achievable to keep up with ever-quickening trends without breaking the bank.
To put it into context, “textile production contributes more to climate change than international aviation and shipping combined”. Sadly, as much as we painstakingly separate our recycling and take the bus instead of hopping in the car, if we continue shopping from brands that turnover clothing lines at super speed and encourage a throwaway attitude to clothing consumption, we will never get to the root of climate crisis. Ultimately, the appeal of fast fashion is the low price, making it achievable to keep up with ever-quickening trends without breaking the bank and social media, especially our dear toxic friend Instagram, which absolutely plays a role in fuelling this disposable mentality. Research shows “one in three young women, the biggest segment of consumers, consider garments worn once or twice to be old”- a mindset often bolstered by the fear of outfit repeating on the grid.
Sounds bad, huh? We have a solution. Rental fashion and made-to-order garments are here to help, offering a way to look 10/10 stylish but without the same guilt, and they’re taking the fashion world by storm. Alongside shopping second hand, these alternatives to shopping cheap and oftentimes poorly made clothes mean you can consume fashion and switch up your wardrobe without the environmental or human rights impact that is inescapable in fast fashion.
So, let’s break them down…
What is rental fashion?
The world of rental fashion gained popularity stateside mainly thanks to the website Rent the Runway, which changed the way consumers thought about shopping forever, and the concept has slowly trickled across to the UK, becoming notably popular during lockdown 1 of 2020.
Different rental platforms operate in different ways, but their purpose remains the same: to allow shoppers to rent designer clothing items or accessories for a set time period and at a fraction of the price. Some websites operate on a peer-to-peer basis in which individual shoppers offer items from their wardrobes to independent renters, whereas other business models authenticate stock from brands and hold and manage the process of cleaning, sending and returning themselves.
How it works…
The cost of renting depends on the garment, seller and how long you hire the item for, however it always works out at a fraction of the RRP meaning you can get your hands on coveted brands without denting your bank balance. Peer-to-peer rental service Hurr says items are normally available for 20% of the RRP and include brands such as Rixo, Ganni, Shrimps, Stine Goya and Realisation Par- some of the coolest, chicest names in the biz! Peer-to-peer services are responsible for accepting, posting and generally handling the renting process from start to finish, however some businesses include a concierge service for an additional cost in which lenders can pass on these responsibilities.
Rental platforms such as OnLoan and My Wardrobe HQ operate on a subscription basis, allowing renters to pay a flat rate each month to rent a set number of items on a regular basis- one that might be especially appealing to the social butterflies or serial wedding attendees of the world. The surge in popularity of rental fashion means there will almost definitely be a service and format that works for you.
Founded in 2017 and dubbed “the Airbnb of fashion” (Forbes), Hurr is a peer-to-peer service including clothes and accessories allowing you to “get your kicks from the latest luxury trends and pieces, without burning a hole in their pocket or the planet.” Hurr offers £5 damage protection to give renters peace of mind (which covers repairs such as broken zips, missing beads and stain removal) up to a maximum repair cost of £50 per rental, which may be appealing for nervous first-time renters. Hurr includes plus-size rental, bridalwear, sunglasses, bags, shoes and hair accessories, making it a perfect one-stop-shop for all your wedding or holiday needs.
Founded by wonder woman Georgie Hyatt (a previous trend forecaster FYI) and her partner, Rotaro stocks ultra-cool mid-luxury sector brands with a retail value of around £100-£1200. If you’re renting for the planet then Rotaro is the one for you, as the platform offers biodegradable packaging, eco-friendly laundering and repair and they plant a tree with every order! Including brands such as Jacquemus, Cinta The Label, Sister Jane, Cult Gaia and House of Sunny, Rotaro offers dreamy pieces for as little as £15 for a four-day loan.
The first social rental app of its kind, By Rotation is peer-to-peer rental done right. Founder Eshita Kabra-Davies says, “it’s really up to our users to decide what’s trending on the app. This has created a much more democratic approach to luxury fashion.” something we adore! Eshita was inspired to start By Rotation after witnessing first-hand the effects of textile waste whilst on her honeymoon to her motherland Rajasthan, India. The platform doesn’t purchase any inventory themselves so are entirely sustainable, solely stocking items from independent lenders including brands such as Molby The Label, Realisation Par, Loewe, Coach and Paloma Wool.
OnLoan is “Your dip-in-dip-out rental wardrobe” on a membership basis. Renters can receive 2 items a month for £69 (items worth an average of £500) or 4 items for £99 (items worth an average of £1000). The site also offers Capsules- monthly wardrobe updates for either 3 or 6 months which can save you even more money if you’re a regular renter. The platform works directly with brands on a wholesale basis featuring current and past season stock, adding longevity to the life cycle of existing garments that would otherwise be wasted.
Fashion renting ticks endless boxes for style lovers looking to switch up their wardrobe or wear something new without the long term investment, but what if you are looking for something to treasure forever that doesn’t break the bank or kill the planet? Enter: made to order brands. Producing garments only when they are ordered is the premise, and the concept makes so much sense in a world striving for less waste. The concept feels entirely alien to ASOS Premier Delivery or the ability to browse a sale rack of 20 duplicate items in every size, and the novelty of really considering the purchase is all part of the appeal.
Buying from a made to order brand is undoubtedly far more of a financial investment than shopping fast fashion, but with your receipt comes the promise of fairer working conditions, a lower environmental impact, less waste and exploitation and a piece truly made with love. The risk of overproduction is eliminated, and many times such brands make the most of dead stock too to further help patch up the damage fast fashion can cause.
If that wasn’t reason enough to be head over heels for made to order shopping, many of these small businesses are run by independent female entrepreneurs meaning buying their garments contributes to their success and supports them financially as opposed to the big corporations. We love to see it!
We love everything By Megan Crosby stands for and her deliciously bright, bold and fun prints have gained her a cult following across Instagram – snapping up an order is seriously sought after. Including dresses, bodysuits, co-ords, face masks, blouses and flares, creating a playful wardrobe that does good and looks good has never been easier. If you love statement, maximalist dressing, BMC is for you. “Together we can dress bright, make better shopping decisions and buy fashion with a clear conscience.”
Whimsical and feminine with a funky twist, Molby the Label know their strengths and run with it. Their signature midi dresses are all over the ‘gram, and for good reason too. Molby also stocks matching oversized hair bows, confirming their status as a go-to for a put together, cool girl ‘fit.
As seen in Grazia, Peggy’s Room is the ultimate nod to nostalgia. “Effortlessly feminine with a badass rock-chic edge, Peggy’s Room is for the free-spirited muse who seeks adventure and lives life on her own terms.” We couldn’t have put it better ourselves. Designed and handmade in founder Suzanne’s home studio in Kent, all fabrics are sourced locally and are washed at least twice to give them that ultra-soft, vintage feel.
With Love Evie celebrates the joy that can be found in outfit repeating – a mission we can truly get behind. If your favourite colour is red, then this is the shop for you, as the gorgeous hues of red gingham look like a British summertime dream. Perfect for picnics, pub gardens and staycations, With Love Evie ensures being comfortable and confident comes hand in hand.
Did someone say oversized collars in fun prints? We’re sold. This slow and conscious made-to-order brand merges masculine, boxy shapes with ultra feminine prints, creating the perfect balance between the two and items you can truly wear until the end of time. If that wasn’t enough to grab your attention, Mia sells matching scrunchies too.
Taking inspiration from the vibrant colours and the flowing shapes of nature (in particular the beautiful Dorset where founder Jana lives), her garments are fun and flirty with collars and bows so big Harry Styles would have a field day flicking through a JanaM THE LABEL rail. This is another one for gingham lovers out there, as Jana really celebrates the beauty of this simple yet classic print.
The home of shirred goodness & dreamy puffed sleeves, it doesn’t get better than Olivia Rose the Label. Loved by some of Instagram’s chicest ladies and Holly Willoughby herself (yes you read that correctly), this slow fashion brand offers unique and elegant designs you won’t find in the shops – it’s cottagecore on a hanger.
Ultra fun and with one-of-a-kind designs, this handmade to order, premium knitwear brand “aims to support slow fashion, fair manufacturing, sustainable materials, and women’s economic independence”. We love the cherry designs endlessly.
Made to order crochet clothing and accessories, Hooked Apparel uses 100% cotton in their bold, bespoke fashion. Perfect for festivals, Pride or simply those who love sporting a colourful wardrobe, Hooked are out here shaking up the world of crochet, one stitch at a time. The brand is only just over 12 months old, however with over 30,000 Instagram followers, it’s clear they have amassed a strong fanbase.
As seen in British Vogue, Elle & The independent, Before July is well known in the made to order world for nailing timeless statement pieces that can be worn season after season. Designing 1-2 collections per year & hand-making every piece to order in their UK studio, Before July is your one-stop-shop for block colour dreaminess in classic, flirty shapes.
Cawley Studio celebrates quality craftsmanship, hand smocking, natural fabrics and uses 100% natural materials in their classic designs ethically made in East London. Adopting a more neutral colour palette than many other made to order brands prominent on Instagram, Cawley Studio is one for lovers of classic simplicity.
Chalsie Joan offers “eclectic, vintage-inspired pieces that follow a subtle modern air of contemporary design” handmade in the West Midlands. Her designs have an air of Parisian chic to them, and you just know they would fit right in during an afternoon at the Louvre or coffee against the Eiffel Tower backdrop.
Born out of a love for “beautiful dresses, timeless vintage patterns and magical prints”, Mary Benson has made its way onto red carpets and between the pages of Glamour and The Independent, cementing them as the best of the best for dreamy, extra designs you will automatically feel 10/10 glamorous in.
These limited edition gender-neutral garments responsibly made to order in London are everything it means to look effortlessly put together. Created in a range of fresh, fun and funky prints, they’re statement whilst being neutral enough to wear on repeat and still rack up the compliments from admiring outsiders. We’re obsessed.
