If you have any pie crust dough leftover, here’s the perfect use-it-all-up recipe that just so happens to make a next-level snack or thanksgiving treat.
We’re all in agreement that the pie crust is the best bit, yes? The flaky, buttery pastry is mwah (chef’s kiss), whilst the filling is just an extra in the play. A hanger-on, begging for a slice of the limelight.
Easy, autumnal, could be a pudding, could be a breakfast cereal – eat enough of these dreamy fall chips and 2020 will almost redeem itself.
If you have any pie crust dough leftover, here’s the perfect use-it-all-up recipe that just so happens to make a next-level snack or thanksgiving treat. Easy, autumnal, could be a pudding, could be a breakfast cereal – eat enough of these dreamy fall chips and 2020 will almost redeem itself. Serve fresh from the oven with a warm bowl of cinnamon dip and you’ll die happy, beleaf us.
SERVES
PREP:
15 MINS COOK:
10 MINS
EASY
INGREDIENTS
Ingredients
For the Pie Crust Chips
One sheet of shortcrust pastry
1 tablespoon of cinnamon
2 tablespoons of brown sugar
For a pumpkin spice dip
250g of cream cheese
1/2 teaspoon of pumpkin spice mix
Icing sugar
For a cinnamon dip
250g cream cheese
1/2 teaspoon of cinamon
1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract
Icing sugar
Roll out your pastry to a quarter of an inch thickness and cut out your festive shapes. We used autumn leaves but Christmas shapes would look lovely too!
Sprinkle over your cinnamon and sugar and then bake for 8-10 minutes at 220°C on a baking tray lined with greaseproof paper.
For the dips simply stir in all the ingredients for each and pop into a bowl for serving. Add as much icing sugar as you’d like if you prefer it sweeter. You can also pop the dips in the microwave for 40 seconds if you’d like them warm.
Whilst the need to transfer a look from desk to disco may have declined ever so slightly in 2020, we're still head over heels for the staple items that work interchangeably to pull together multiple looks with ease.
Whilst the need to transfer a look from desk to disco may have declined ever so slightly in 2020, we’re still head over heels for the staple items that work interchangeably to pull together multiple looks with ease. Whether it be day to night, serious to sultry, casual to … more casual (thanks 2020) bulking out your wardrobe multipurpose pieces is an easy way to avoid going OTT on a payday haul and channel a more sustainable and long term approach to shopping new.
And it doesn’t have to be boring! Finding pieces that work with multiple looks doesn’t mean you have to stick with neutral tones and classic shapes. When you find a hero piece you adore, there are tonnes of ways to wear it consistently and differently without feeling like you’re making too much of a statement, it just comes down to finding the right one for YOUR style.
Lareese Look 1
I’m dressing from the bottom up, starting with some classic knee boots. They’re a really hardworking piece of footwear to have in your wardrobe, especially during the winter months and can help make a plain outfit look that little bit more put-together. I love how knee boots look with an oversized coat and loads of texture, so I’ll be styling them with a beret, a shirt dress and as many woolly XXL layers as I can find.
I’ve chosen a sage knitted vest as my key piece, combining my love for grandad knitwear and a pistachio colour palette which are oh so popular right now. I’ve gone for a fun and playful day time look which I’m picturing wearing for a bottomless brunch, as well as a more chic and Parisian all-black ensemble which I think would be perfect for an evening dinner date or drinks. I have done a lot of retail therapy recently and I want to add EVERYTHING to basket rn.
I recently bought a pair of imitation leather trousers so I’ve picked them for my one product in the hopes that they won’t sit in my wardrobe un-worn! For dressed down I’ve gone for a cosy jumper, shacket and these cool lace-up trainer/boot hybrids. For a dressed-up look, I’ve gone with an olive theme and picked this pretty blouse and swing coat with a gorgeous collar as well as these cream boots.
For my item, I thought I’d pick this lovely cream Workwear Shirt from And Other Stories as I think they are always essential in anyone’s wardrobe. I’ve gone for two causal looks as I think it’s more wearable in current times. For my first look, I’ve styled it with a pair of flared tailored trousers, a cream roll neck jumper and some super cute black and cream chunky boots. For my second look, I’ve gone for a more effortless approach, styling the jacket with a pair of slightly cropped black jeans, some super high chunky boots and a beige high neck jumper.
A trend we saw a lot of last autumn/winter that will no doubt make a big come back this year is patterned tights. Thanks to Gucci and Fendi who paved the way for the high street that soon followed, these fun tights can jazz up any outfit and at the rate that they ladder, you might want to stock up on a few cheaper versions before taking the designer plunge. They’re super versatile, let them do all the talking with a simple one-piece and killer heels in the evening or incorporate them into a whole layered look for daytime.
All The Best Beauty Advent Calendars 2020 Has To Offer
Whether you’re browsing for yourself or shopping for the beauty enthusiast in your life, keep reading for the best beauty advent calendars 2020 has to offer.
Opening an advent calendar is one perennial festive tradition we’ll never outgrow. A palm-size gift of utter glee hiding behind a door, a window or nestled into a drawer – it’s genius and it puts us right in the festive feels.
And then there’s (drumroll) a beauty advent calendar.
Sure, chocolate’s great and everything but have you ever had a Huda Beauty Eyeshadow Palette for breakfast? December made.
Re-discover fan favourites, cult classics and buzzy newbies from the best names in beauty, every day in the countdown till Christmas.
Whether you’re browsing for yourself or shopping for the beauty enthusiast in your life, keep reading for the best beauty advent calendars 2020 has to offer. It’s a big decision to make and you have our full support if one turns into three.
Patiently waiting for December 1st to get stuck into this house of treats may prove difficult but it’ll be worth the wait. Jam packed with The Body Shop’s best-sellers and cult faves, including the Vitamin E Moisture Cream and Almond Milk & Honey Body Butter, it’s a no brainer for the beauty junkies in the family. Shop here.
No spoilers but a little birdie tells us Charlotte Tilbury, Tan Luxe, Huda Beauty and Nars might be hiding on the other side of those delightful doors. Oo-er. On Christmas Day, you’ll find not one but three beauty surprises – how about that for festive cheer, then? And, it’s worth over a whopping £275! Ding. Dong. Shop here.
Now here’s an advent calendar with serious sell-out appeal. Enjoy counting down the days to Christmas with 24 signature fragrances, bath & body luxuries and miniature candles. Shop here.
From long-standing favourites and best-sellers to exclusive festive newbies, all gift wrapped in a reusable Mary Poppins carpet bag inspired luggage trunk. It’s nothing short of supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Shop here.
L’Occitane has come well prepared for the festivities this year with not one but three advent calendars, each inspired by nature. Now to start the impossible task of narrowing it down to one…
Treat yourself to the Classic Beauty Calendar featuring 24 much-loved L’Occitane body, hair and skincare products. Ready, set, pamper! Shop here for £53.
For a lavish gift with 24 fully stocked drawers containing the best of L’Occitane premium products, there’s the Luxury Beauty Advent Calendar. Shop here for £99.
The gift that keeps on giving – this year, L’Occitane have collaborated with UK illustrator Isla Simpson to create a reusable advent calendar, made from recycled cotton and designed to be adored for many Christmases to come. Shop here for £160.
What better way to celebrate the ritual of Christmas than with 24 moments of pure joy, all wrapped up and tied in a bow. The festive village advent calendar includes a unique selection of mini luxuries to make every day in the run up to the big day a truly special event. It’s the perfect present to give (if you can bear to part with it) or receive! Shop here.
Worth over £500 and full of all the best next-level brands including Pat McGrath, Anastasia Beverly Hills and Byredo, the Selfridge’s beauty advent launch is one of the most hotly anticipated events of the calendar year and when you see the show-stopping treats up for grabs this time around, it’s not hard to see why. The second it’s available to purchase, we’re there with bells on. Shop here.
It’s definitely at the spenny end of the spectrum but wow, what a way to celebrate the start of the holiday season. Steeped in the magical spirit of Dior, brought to life by artist and illustrator Safia Ouares, the calendar depicts a starry night and enchanting scenes from a ballet. Of course, it’s what’s on the inside that really counts and you’ll be pleased to know, the contents are just as spectacular as the aesthetic. Behind each of the 24 doors, a daily gift awaits, spanning the iconic brand’s skincare, fragrance and makeup lines. Shop here.
Full of fan-favourites including Benefit’s classic Hoola Bronzer and Roller Lash Mascara, this holiday haul of minis is the stuff of beauty junkie dreams. Snap. It. Up. Shop here.
The MAC advent calendar is always hot property and this year is no different. Expect plenty of classics like Prep + Prime Fix+ and Russian Red lipstick to get your pout party season ready. The exact release date has been kept tightly under wraps, but you can sign up to be the first to hear when it launches. Shop here.
It wouldn’t be a Christmas countdown without everyone’s favourite makeup artist darling, Charlotte Tilbury. Discover her supercharged glow-giving skincare secrets and award-winning beauty marvels, including her Pillow Talk lipstick and highly praised Magic Cream, all beautifully presented in a bougie bejewelled chest. Gimme. Shop here.
The v popular Space NK Beauty Anthology is back with a second edition. Christmas angels do exist! Tucked behind 24 doors, you’ll find a carefully curated edit of Space NK beauty must-haves. Pamper yourself silly with a full-size Kate Somerville Retinol Vitamin C Moisturiser and Byredo Hand Cream and take a moment to chill with a Layered Christmas Candle by Jo Loves. It’s the ultimate Christmas countdown. Shop here.
Discover a selection of both new and iconic beauty and wellbeing treats behind every drawer c/o John Lewis & Partners. The Liz Earle Cleanse & Polish Hot Cloth Cleanser, By Terry Baume de Rose and Neom Organics London Perfect Night’s Sleep Pillow Mist are just some of the 25 festive treats waiting to be opened. Christmas came early this year. Shop here.
The Net-A-Porter Beauty Advent Calendar is back and we’re all too glad we got the memo. Boasting 13 full size and 12 travel size products from universally loved brands and with a mega value of £1,115, the run up to holiday season just got even better. Shop here.
Candle lovers, hold onto your wicks because this is one lit advent calendar you’re going to want to get your paws on. Enjoy 25 exclusive Diptyque items, including a selection of 11 scented candles (35g), 2 limited edition 2020 creations and a selection of 7 Eaux de Toilette and Eaux de Parfum. So, this is what joyful impatience feels like. Shop here.
Nail fanatics, here’s one for you. Shine bright with a new shade for every day up till Christmas, with 25 mini nail polishes from Gingerbread Man Can to Red-y For The Holidays and Tinsel, Tinsel ‘Lil Star. Merry manicures all round. Shop here.
Containing 26 sought-after products from the Liberty Beauty Hall (18 of which are full-sized), this year’s edit is one of their most covetable yet. Featuring cult favourites from the likes of Le Labo, Votary and Hourglass, beauty buffs will have to get in there quick to avoid disappointment. Go, go, go! Shop here.
It’s estimated that every household will dispose of 3 ½ black bags (approximately 100 million bags) full of packaging this Christmas, so clean planet-friendly beauty counts.
bareMinerals have minimised plastic across their holiday collection, incorporated post-consumer recycled materials and made their gift boxes completely recyclable. A beauty advent calendar with a heart, we love to see it! Shop here.
Bringing together the best of beauty across skincare, makeup and fragrance, Harrods have yet again nailed holiday season. From mini offerings to full-sized surprises all selected from Harrods’ hallowed beauty stalls, it contains everything your post-party season skin could ever want or need. Shop here.
What beauty advent calendar(s) caught your eye? Plural, because it’s been a wild year and Santa appreciates that.
Sweater Vests So Good Your Grandad Will Be Jealous
When it comes to getting dressed in the morning (on that rare occasion we have somewhere to be) combining comfort, style and practicality is the holy trinity for nailing a 10/10 'fit. And with that in mind, we present to you: the humble sweater vest.
When it comes to getting dressed in the morning (on that rare occasion we have somewhere to be) combining comfort, style and practicality is the holy trinity for nailing a 10/10 ‘fit. And with that in mind, we present to you: the humble sweater vest. If you’re a fan of layering then this guy is about to become your new BFF, helping to transform a worse for wear t-shirt, adding some extra padding on a crisp morning, or an androgynous edge to otherwise feminine silhouettes.
From high-end to high-street, you’ll be hard-pressed to scroll ‘new in’ or wander the shops without coming across this trend, and you can also find them second-hand!
You can opt for classic neutral colours, full kitsch, or 80s patterns. There is endless styling potential with a sweater vest in tow. From high-end to high-street, you’ll be hard-pressed to scroll ‘new in’ or wander the shops without coming across this trend, and you can also find them second-hand! Charity shops, eBay bargains, and Depop sellers have authentic, retro, Chandler Bing worthy styles, and we all know those one of a kind finds are worth the extra effort to source.
If it’s good enough for Harry Styles (see iconic sheep knit number), it’s certainly good enough for us!
Get Your Ghoul On: How to Celebrate Halloween at Home this Year
Ready to raise a devilish glass to the tail-end of 2020? Show us one witch who isn’t! Here are a few ideas for how you can make the most of Halloween from home this year.
We’ve lost count of the number of times we’ve said [insert jovial activity here] won’t be the same this year, but Halloweening at home seems like a particularly sorry state of affairs.
No trick or treating or large gatherings (boo), no eerie encounters in your local haunt navigating p*ss poor decorations suspended from windows and doorways, dipping themselves in your pint a little bit. Like Emily In Paris, the Halloween pub crawl was so bad, it was good.
But all is not lost, and Halloween is far from cancelled. The holiday can still be celebrated from home and not suck. In fact, it could be great. Think about it. No paranormal punters – here for it. Happy hour turns into a Happy Night of cheap booze, and no queuing to get served – we love to see it. Your costume can be as pants or as extra as you are willing to make it because you’re just swanning about at home – ok, jomo officially wins.
Ready to raise a devilish glass to the tail-end of 2020? Show us one witch who isn’t! Here are a few ideas for how you can make the most of Halloween from home this year.
Carve pumpkins
Whilst scooping out the innards of a pumpkin may not scream high-key hoot, it’s a classic Halloween activity and this year of all the years, we need to maximise the spirit of the holiday.
Whether you pick up a pumpkin from your local patch or round up a few for the whole family from the supermarket, you’ve ultimately failed at October 31 if you’re not carving out teeth, fondling the pulpy anatomy of a ribbed Winter squash and arguing about whether it’s a fruit or a vegetable. Happy Halloween.
Have a dinner party
Dress your pad up all spooky and invite a few people over for a feast. Just make sure you’re abiding by the rule of six. Pumpkin cannelloni, anyone?
Make a duvet fort, huddle round, grab a torch and spin that hair-raising Bloody Mary yarn.
Have a Halloween movie marathon
For a bit of mellow magic, there’s Hocus Pocus, Coraline and The Nightmare Before Christmas. Yeah, the debate rages on about whether Tim Burton’s stop-motion masterpiece falls into the Halloween or Christmas movie category, but we say it’s a unique hybrid that deserves to be played as soon as the first crispy leaf falls from the tree, right the way through to December.
For high stakes terror, there’s Roald Dahl’s The Witches. It’s still petrifying all these years later and the remake starring Anne Hathaway is set to drop October 26, just in time for Halloween. It will be available to stream on Premium Video On Demand (PVOD), so be there or be scared.
There’s also creepy classics such as The Exorcist, The Sixth Sense and A Nightmare On Elm Street if losing sleep and needing someone to escort you to the toilet in the middle of the night is your thing.
Get your bake on
Move over banana bread, the crown belongs to pumpkin spice latte cake now. Cackles.
Snack like tomorrow doesn’t exist
Skeleton Fingers, Mr Kipling Toffee Terror Whirls, chocolate eyeballs. If it’s got a Halloween pun on the packaging, we’re like putty in those chocolate-makers’ hands.
Make a spooktastic playlist
You shall go to the monsters’ ball. A playlist full of eerie tracks and must-play jams will get you in the Halloween mood. Alexa, play Bette Midler, I Put A Spell On You.
Dress up, still!
Hey, even if you just get someone to throw a stockpiled toilet roll at your head and torso, a half-arsed effort is better than nothing.
Indulge in a bewitching bath
Welcome to the hangover-free club. Ditch the plans and celebrate the spookiest time of the year with a good thriller and a long soak in the tub until you’re wrinklier than the Grand High Witch herself. It’s the ultimate jomo ritual.
Go ghosting
Rule of 6 got you feeling all kinds of trick or treat FOMO? Make up a bag of Halloween-themed treats and leave it on your friend or neighbour’s doorstep.
How will you be celebrating Halloween this year? Got any tricks up your sleeve?
Let’s Talk about Trying to Get Pregnant: Four Women Share Their TTC Journey
We spoke to four women willing to share their TTC stories and offer some first-hand advice and reassurance for anyone trying to conceive.
We spend the best part of our youth doing all we can to avoid getting pregnant but when you’re ready to start a family, it’s not always as simple as coming off the pill & going for it at the right time of the month. It can be one unexpected emotional rollercoaster and a whole lot of effort.
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to how long it takes to conceive, and everyone’s fertility journey is different.
It is estimated that one in seven couples may have difficulty conceiving. Whether it’s PCOS, low sperm count, endometriosis or unexplained infertility, the struggles of trying to conceive are still rarely spoken about and whilst there can be a whole host of reasons why couples may choose to keep their experience private, knowing what to expect can help debunk preconceived ideas of TTC and help others feel less isolated in the process.
After all, we are the ones peeing on eye-wateringly expensive sticks and feeling completely belittled when our period shows up uninvited, we should at least be able to talk about it.
We spoke to four women willing to share their TTC stories and offer some first-hand advice and reassurance for anyone trying to conceive.
Our very own Maddie, Talent Director at Gleam Futures is currently expecting.
Did you have any preconceived ideas of what the TTC experience would be like based on other people’s stories / things you’d heard?
To be completely honest I was quite pessimistic about the whole thing which is quite unlike me as a personality trait, I just really didn’t think it would be easy for us. I had previously been told by a gynaecologist that I have Polycystic Ovaries (PCO) and it also took me about 2 years to get my period back after coming off the contraceptive pill about 5+ years ago. Those things combined with me being in my 30s (god forbid) I thought meant that it wouldn’t be that straightforward. I’ve also had quite a few people close to me that have really struggled so I was aware that the journey could be a long one.
There’s an assumption that falling pregnant happens pretty quickly, possibly because the majority of people trying to conceive are doing so privately and will only share the news if they become pregnant. How long did it take for you to fall pregnant / how long were you trying to conceive?
Rather miraculously we got pregnant very quickly. We were on our second month of trying when that second line popped up, I was completely shocked and was not expecting it to happen that fast whatsoever.
Did you have any useful tools / apps to help plan your pregnancy and connect with your body?
The app that was often recommended which I used and thought was brilliant is the Ovia Fertility app. It’s brilliant at tracking your cycle and tells you when statistically your most fertile days areMaddie Barsch
I watched A LOT of TTC YouTube videos and took on board a lot of the tips that kept reappearing. The app that was often recommended which I used and thought was brilliant is the Ovia Fertility app. It’s brilliant at tracking your cycle and tells you when statistically your most fertile days are, it’s also full to the brim with information which I found really useful in those early days. In terms of other “tools” I also used ovulation strips, the cheap ones from Amazon which let you know when you’re about to have your “LH” surge ie you’re about to ovulate. Finally, and a little TMI but it’s what we’re here for, I also paid much more attention to my cervical mucus (google it). It turns out that’s also a great indicator for ovulation and I actually found that to be the easiest way to track my most fertile days.
Did you make any lifestyle changes to help improve your chances of getting pregnant?
I took baby making quite seriously and didn’t go into it with a “let’s see what happens” attitude at all. If there was anything I could do to speed the process along I was going to try. Disclaimer, I have no idea if any of these things would have made ANY difference had I not done them but they obviously didn’t hurt. I cut out caffeine and alcohol, started taking folic acid supplements, included maca powder in my morning smoothies, drank raspberry leaf tea during the first half of my cycle and tried to stay as active as possible.
Trying to conceive can be a stressful time emotionally, do you have any pointers for trying to stay positive and relaxed when you’re feeling discouraged?
In all honesty I don’t feel like I have the right to give advice here, I know friends who really had such a difficult time trying to conceive and I saw how frustrating and hard that was for them. I asked one of my good friends who spent over a year trying what she would say and her top tip for when you feel at a low point is to plan a trip. A little getaway (even if that’s just to a hotel an hour from home!) somewhere to just enjoy being with your partner and take your mind off the routine that can become incredibly unromantic.
The commitment to love-making can be a lot and sex can become a bit of a ‘task’ when you’re trying to get pregnant, how did you deal with that / what advice do you have for anyone struggling to connect with their partner and keep things fun?
It definitely feels a bit more routine than normal when you know that there’s a human you’re trying to create out of all the sex and also because the timings of it are so important to get right which normally you would never even consider. On the subject of timings, there’s only really a week window where it’s vital that you’re getting the sperm where it needs to go so once you’ve worked out your ovulation patterns it turns out you don’t need to be having sex all day every day to make a baby. I think knowing this really took the pressure off a bit and it meant that when it was my fertile days we made extra effort to have date nights and enjoy spending time together so it didn’t feel too routine.
One thing you wish you knew at the start of your TTC that you know now…
If I had a crystal ball that could have shown me that we would get pregnant quite quickly I would love to go back and tell myself to worry less and be more chill about it. I was so convinced that it was going to be really hard for me, so I became incredibly clued up on everything to do with TTC. In reality I could probably have relaxed more and just let nature do its thing. I think that’s what’s quite daunting about the whole thing, you have no idea what your journey is going to be like until you start to try.
What NOT to say to someone TTC? (how can friends check in with you without asking the obvious?)
It’s such a personal journey and not everyone is comfortable sharing it so in this instance I would let your friend lead the conversation, not the other way around.Maddie Barsch
The chances are if someone has been trying to conceive for a while there is likely nothing you can tell them that they won’t have already read about, heard from a doctor or considered themselves. So, unless they have asked you for your advice or opinion I wouldn’t offer it. Similarly, I would be cautious of false hope success stories from a friend of a friend that took a magic potion that produced a baby. Instead, I would offer support and find out how they are feeling, it’s such a personal journey and not everyone is comfortable sharing it so in this instance I would let your friend lead the conversation, not the other way around.
How do you deal with a friend’s happy baby news if it hasn’t happened for you, yet?
This must be so difficult. I would of course be so thrilled for my friend and then privately I would probably pour a very large glass of wine, let myself cry and be sad, confide in my closest and surround myself with people and things that bring my life joy (like my dog). It breaks my heart that some people struggle so much and often are struggling in silence as infertility and fertility problems are still something that don’t get talked about enough. I really loved Desi Perkin’s YouTube series where she was so open and honest about her fertility journey. I think a lot of couples would really relate to their story.
Carys is a content creator, YouTuber, ray of sunshine, and she’s currently expecting.
Did you have any preconceived ideas of what the TTC experience would be like based on other people’s stories / things you’d heard?
So when I started TTC using ovulation kits and having sex on the days with the highest rate of conception, I was surprised that it didn’t happen for us more quickly!Carys Whittaker
I had an idea that TTC wasn’t easy based on certain things I’d seen in films or heard in podcasts. None of my friends or close family have young kids, so I’ve never had a conversation in person with anyone about their personal TTC experience! I always assumed it was seen as ‘not easy’ based off people ‘having sex regularly and seeing what happens’. So when I started TTC using ovulation kits and having sex on the days with the highest rate of conception, I was surprised that it didn’t happen for us more quickly!
There’s an assumption that falling pregnant happens pretty quickly, possibly because the majority of people trying to conceive are doing so privately and will only share the news if they become pregnant. How long did it take for you to fall pregnant / how long were you trying to conceive?
It took us 5 months to conceive. I definitely agree that it feels like everyone just ‘falls pregnant’ straight away based on the fact there’s not a very open conversation around TTC. I think there is a lot of shame and embarrassment attached to TTC and how long it takes, which sucks. The more people that can share their stories and normalise the conversation around it, the less of a struggle it would be for a lot of people.
Did you have any useful tools / apps to help plan your pregnancy and connect with your body?
I used the clear blue digital ovulation monitor and sticks to track my ovulation days. I also used the Femometer app which is synced up to a BBT (basal body temperature) thermometer. This tracks your BBT and shows you when exactly you ovulated, and how your temperature then responds after ovulation which can be a sign of pregnancy. I think the ovulation sticks are great for understanding more about your body and your cycle but I found the thermometer to be a negative for me.
I become obsessed with the app and analysing my temperature chart when it ended up being no help and just made me feel more anxious about the whole process. The month I fell pregnant was actually the month we did a ‘month off’ any ovulation tracking or temperature tracking. I did still know a lot about my body and cycle from all the tracking I had done previously so I don’t regret doing it but I think a month off was needed for us.
Did you make any lifestyle changes to help improve your chances of getting pregnant?
Going from your normality to suddenly NO alcohol, a new diet, overthinking everything you eat, taking your temperature every morning and peeing on your ovulation sticks, it almost takes over your whole day!Carys Whitaker
For the first 2-3 months, I stopped drinking alcohol completely and looked into all sorts of foods/diets that could improve my chances of getting pregnant. From my experience, I actually found any extreme changes reminded me and my body daily that we were not only TTC but that I was REALLY trying hard. This was such a negative reminder daily for me. I had endless advice from my mum who is a GP and does a lot of family planning. She would always say how important it is to relax and not stress. At the time you might not feel over ‘stressed’ but I think it all adds up with you realising!
Going from your normality to suddenly NO alcohol, a new diet, overthinking everything you eat, taking your temperature every morning and peeing on your ovulation sticks, it almost takes over your whole day! I eventually decided to start living as ‘normally’ as possible and that helped me so much mentally. You have to keep living your life alongside TTC because otherwise, it can so easily consume every inch of you!!
Trying to conceive can be a stressful time emotionally, do you have any pointers for trying to stay positive and relaxed when you’re feeling discouraged?
I think I the first good thing to remember is that so many women are in the same boat as you and feeling exactly the same way. It’s Bloomin’ HARD!! For me, half the struggle was feeling alone and feeling guilty about struggling. Finding someone to talk to and open up to about how you’re feeling can help so much. I know it can be really hard to find the right people to talk too, if you’re struggling with that you could always look up TTC communities/forums online and see if that works for you. However you’re feeling, you’re not alone.
The commitment to love-making can be a lot and sex can become a bit of a ‘task’ when you’re trying to get pregnant, how did you deal with that / what advice do you have for anyone struggling to connect with their partner and keep things fun?
It’s so easy to feel bad when Sex becomes less enjoyable and more of a ‘task’ but it’s good to remind yourself, that’s totally normal! Most couples will go through that when TTC, we certainly did! Things I found helpful were:
Accepting that planning sex is okay when TTC. It doesn’t make you ‘unsexy’ or ‘less in love’ saying things like “we haven’t had sex yet today, maybe we should” is okay, it’s just being busy and being human!
Talking to each other and communicating about how you’re feeling and how you could spice things up for each other.
Take a month to step back and have sex less. This can be REALLY hard because you immediately think you’ll have less chance of conceiving but I think quality over quantity is important to try now and then!
One thing you wish you knew at the start of your TTC that you know now… That certain lubricant brands can kill sperm!!! So if you use lubricant get a TTC friendly one like ‘preseed’.
What NOT to say to someone TTC?
Ask them how they’re doing and how TTC is going for them. Let them open up to you as much as they feel comfortable with. Try to create an understanding environment where they feel they can say things they might be embarrassed about or nervous to talk about. Refrain from phrases like ‘oh it will happen’ ‘don’t worry about it’ ‘the more you worry the less likely it is to happen’ ‘it always happens when you don’t want it too’ ‘stop worrying’.
How do you deal with a friend’s happy baby news if it hasn’t happened for you, yet?
Firstly, it’s never going to be easy so it’s a good start to be kind to yourself and know that it may hurt. Just because it hurts, it doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you human.
I believe that the emotions you put out into the universe and give to others are the emotions that fill up your soul and mould you as a person. I try my hardest to see the good in situations and people and pour out as much kindness and love as I possibly can to myself and others… that being said, sometimes it’s just really hard and that’s okay too.
Ruth has two children and is the founder of The Night Feed app which connects and entertains new mums during the long, sleepless nights with a new baby! Download on the App Store or Google Play.
Did you have any preconceived ideas of what the TTC experience would be like based on other people’s stories/things you’d heard?
Do you know, it sounds terrible to say it, now, but it just never crossed my mind that I would have any problems. I assumed it would happen quickly and without incident; I think then when I started TTC, social media and sharing personal experiences hadn’t really kicked off online and so I had very few stories to refer to. I had obviously had friends who had struggled or had bad times, but it wasn’t really talked about that openly.
There’s an assumption that falling pregnant happens pretty quickly, possibly because the majority of people trying to conceive are doing so privately and will only share the news if they become pregnant. How long did it take for you to fall pregnant / how long were you trying to conceive?
It was when I miscarried that I really started being quite preoccupied with it – as every month passed, and every test came up negative, I just felt more and more despondent.Ruth Crilly
When we got married in 2008 we started trying in a very low-key way. After a couple of years, I realised that it just wasn’t happening, but just as we were about to go and see the GP about it properly, I got pregnant. It was when I miscarried that I really started being quite preoccupied with it – as every month passed, and every test came up negative, I just felt more and more despondent. I thought that it would never happen. It did happen, wonderfully, but I didn’t have my first baby until the summer of 2015, so almost seven years of trying!
Did you have any useful tools/apps to help plan your pregnancy and connect with your body?
I would absolutely track ovulation, but track it accurately. I remember my Mum saying to me for years, “I used to ovulate on day 9!” and me going “blah blah ok, yeah right” and I never used to start my ovulation sticks until about day 10 or 11 because I didn’t want to waste them! But I must have been completely missing my window every month for YEARS. I worked out that I conceived my daughter on day 9. Obviously, I haven’t told my Mum this because I hate being wrong. Haha. It’s actually not that funny really because it was YEARS of heartbreak. I wouldn’t blame the whole thing on ovulation miscalculation because we would try all through the month, not just “on the right days” but still. Get a tracker, get the monitor thing with the sticks, do it all!
Did you make any lifestyle changes to help improve your chances of getting pregnant?
I went to see an amazing Chinese Medicine Practitioner and he sat and quizzed me for ages about obvious and obscure parts of my personality and lifestyle. It opened my eyes to many bits of behaviour that were probably not helping in the whole TTC journey. I started taking Vitamin D, getting outside more, eating a better diet and I virtually stopped drinking and I also went for regular acupuncture sessions with him. I was pregnant within about six months of making the changes. I was actually due to go for my first IVF consultation when I found out I was pregnant!
Trying to conceive can be a stressful time emotionally, do you have any pointers for trying to stay positive and relaxed when you’re feeling discouraged?
Yes, I think that seeking help as soon as you can is really important for positivity, once you get past the time-frame that the experts usually set as being “normal” for getting pregnant. It’s just a massive weight off when you can share your worries and once the tests are booked it feels as though you’re actively doing something to help things along. I think that this is enormously beneficial. I’d also say that although I did change my lifestyle, you don’t want to stress yourself out and live like a saint for the whole time you’re trying – you can become obsessed with “getting things just right” but in the end, I think we conceived when we were blind drunk at a wine-tasting evening on holiday in Greece.
The commitment to love-making can be a lot and sex can become a bit of a ‘task’ when you’re trying to get pregnant, how did you deal with that / what advice do you have for anyone struggling to connect with their partner and keep things fun?
Oh, it just really wasn’t fun six years down the line. Nothing could have made it fun. We just sort of nodded at one another in a silent assent. “You may begin.”
One thing you wish you knew at the start of your TTC that you know now…
Try wearing a pad instead of using tampons/mooncup so that you have a good idea of your flow and the length of your periods because you will be asked this ALL THE TIME if you seek help!Ruth Crilly
You can ovulate on a really weird day and those sticks can be impossible to read – they always look SLIGHTLY positive, so start testing on day five or something for a few months so that you really get a feel for your cycle. Also, sorry if this is TMI, but try wearing a pad instead of using tampons/mooncup so that you have a good idea of your flow and the length of your periods because you will be asked this ALL THE TIME if you seek help!
What NOT to say to someone TTC?
I think pretty much any question about it gets your back up and makes you feel inadequate and embarrassed, so it would be better for them to just ask how someone is generally and let them take the lead, I think. Saying that I used to LOVE talking about it with other people who were trying to TTC and not having a great time, because it used to make me feel less alone, so if you have anecdotal material that someone will relate to then that can be a good ice breaker. It’s a really tricky one.
How do you deal with a friend’s happy baby news if it hasn’t happened for you, yet?
I don’t think that you ever do deal with it very well if I’m honest. Sorry, some of these answers aren’t ideal but I remember how raw it was when I heard people’s news – I was never jealous, per se, and I was always absolutely thrilled for them, but it would always throw up a “why me!” sense of self-pity and so I just used to embrace it and wallow for a while. I don’t think we need to be positive all the time – sometimes it’s OK to just feel incredibly hard done by.
Chaneen is a content creator, founder of @wearetheempowered – Law of attraction manifestation coaching and @chicanddiscreet – affordable breastfeeding clothing.
Did you have any preconceived ideas of what the TTC experience would be like based on other people’s stories/things you’d heard?
I did have some preconceived ideas of what the trying to conceive experience would be like. I thought it would be very difficult and I thought potentially I wouldn’t be able to have children. That was a really hard reality or something for me to accept quite early on in my life. I didn’t plan then to have children because I thought I didn’t want the disappointment of trying and potentially facing disappointment over and over.
I was told at about 16 that because I had used the IUD I have likely ruined my chances of ever getting pregnant because ‘that’s the contraception they only give to women who have already had children and do not want anymore.’ This was told to me by a family friend who was a trained nurse and so I took her at her word and live with that belief for almost 10 years.
There’s an assumption that falling pregnant happens pretty quickly, possibly because the majority of people trying to conceive are doing so privately and will only share the news if they become pregnant. How long did it take for you to fall pregnant / how long were you trying to conceive?
I was able to conceive, but there was still a lot of fears surrounding what would happen throughout the pregnancy and to my life thereafter. Chaneen Saliee
So as I mentioned I never did try to conceive because I was afraid of the disappointment of not being able to conceive. And so when I did fall pregnant it was a surprise and it was a welcome surprise because I was able to conceive, but there was still a lot of fears surrounding what would happen throughout the pregnancy and to my life thereafter.
I do think that the idea of trying to conceive is skewed and the experience is had often in private because of this heartbreak and this fear of it never happening and so we think that it is quite easy for women to fall pregnant and evidence of this is in the way that people often ask the question, “so when are you having a baby?” For women who are trying to conceive or who think they may have no chances of doing so, it is painful to hear this and then act as if it’s just a casual conversation, when really it dredges up so much pain, doubt and a heavy feeling of loss or of failure.
Did you make any lifestyle changes to help improve your chances of getting pregnant?
I will say that while I never made any lifestyle changes to improve my chances of getting pregnant because I never tried to get pregnant I did make lifestyle changes once I knew that I was pregnant because I wanted to ensure that I could remain pregnant. It was always at the back of my mind the fear I had of never being able to get pregnant and then being pregnant and not knowing if I’m going to be able to maintain that pregnancy.
Some of the things that I did to change my lifestyle really was to just rest more I set massive boundaries and I did not let anybody cross them and I didn’t push them aside for any reason. So my most important one I would say was resting and removing all stress if I needed to rest I would rest. At the time I was training to be a teacher which was a very heavy responsibility but I made the decision to put my career potentially on hold, on the back burner or maybe even give it up entirely so that I could ensure that I would be able to maintain my pregnancy. That was huge because I’d worked so hard to get to that point and all I felt I had to hold onto was my career and my love of travel but maintaining my pregnancy was far more important.
Trying to conceive can be a stressful time emotionally, do you have any pointers for trying to stay positive and relaxed when you’re feeling discouraged?
Research unconventional alternatives and keep an open mind. There are some incredible stories of women who have tried alternative or holistic methods that helped them conceive.Chaneen Saliee
Watch lots of funny movies, research unconventional alternatives and keep an open mind. There are some incredible stories of women who have tried alternative or holistic methods that helped them conceive. Most importantly though I would say find a community of supportive women who are living through this experience too.
How do you deal with a friend’s happy baby news if it hasn’t happened for you, yet?
Try to have the outlook or perspective that their happy baby news is a sign that it is possible for you too – our journeys are all very different.
Between You And Me: Answering Your Problems Part 9
Whether you’re a people pleaser at heart and in need of some advice about how to stick up for yourself, or you’re scared of a pandemic future, this month’s BYAM blog tackles all those concerns, matters of the heart and more.
It’s time to answer your Between You And Me problems – a little slice of the blog dedicated to sharing your life dilemmas from the menial to the mammoth.
Whether you’re a people pleaser at heart and in need of some advice about how to stick up for yourself, or you’re scared of a pandemic future, this month’s BYAM blog tackles all those concerns, matters of the heart and more.
Now, it’s over the team to lend you an ear, a shoulder and whatever else you need to get you through 2020.
Maddie
Hi Samantha, thank you so much for writing in. Honestly, I could have been reading a letter from my 26yr old self and it makes my heartache for you that you’re feeling this way. Can I start by saying really loud and clear…You.Are.Not.Crazy! The way you’ve been treated is completely unacceptable and your actions and feelings are purely a reaction to how you’ve been made to feel, this isn’t you. Of course, you’re going to mistrust, have doubts, question everything and feel insecure when your partner is leading a double life. I forgave a cheater once and let that relationship go on for much too long. Unfortunately, I think for some people once they’ve been forgiven or you’ve given them a second, third, fourth chance, in a messed up way it gives them a sense of permission to keep doing it because they know you’ll probably put up with it. I’m sure there are instances where someone has behaved badly and learnt the error of their ways immediately to become the perfect partner but in my experience, this just isn’t generally how it goes. I am speaking to you like I would speak to one of my good friends and this is what I would say to them. One. you shouldn’t be with him, Two. he doesn’t deserve you and Three. you need to be with someone who treats you with a lot more respect. Trust me when I say, I know it’s hard to break free, I was with someone for 8 years of constant disappointments and I was paranoid for a large part of that time, I forgot what it was like to not feel like that, it became my normal. It doesn’t need to be that way and I promise you one day you will thank your past self for being strong and walking away from what sounds like a very unhappy relationship. It’s never easy but one thing I kept telling myself when I was in the midst of my relationship ending was that this is the hardest thing I have ever been through but I have to go through it to give my future self the chance to be happy. You’re still so young and have your whole like ahead of you, don’t waste any more time being unhappy. Life is too short! Sending you lots of big virtual hugs. Maddie x
Zoe
Hello lovely. Let me first start by sending you the biggest hug and heartfelt squeeze because I can feel every emotion you are experiencing right now and I know from past experience, the feeling is soul-destroying. The fact that you feel like this letter comes across as “crazy and psycho” confirms how much of a toxic relationship you are in as you are neither of those things yet your fiancee has led you to believe this behaviour is a by-product of you, and it’s not. It’s also not an over-exaggeration. You are well within your rights to confront, question and not be okay with any of your partner’s behaviours. I was once in a 2-year relationship where I was cheated on left right and centre. It always started off with finding messages or emails from random girls or reading flirty conversations on Facebook Messenger. Whenever I would question it with my ex, he would turn it back on me and make me believe I shouldn’t have looked, or that I don’t trust him and that the messages meant nothing. Even though I felt strong, and felt like I was standing my ground, he would eventually make me feel as though I had lost my mind (probably in order for me to leave him to it). It never did stop though, it only got worse and worse and eventually was physical cheating. That cheating was followed with a web of lies and he would call me crazy or psycho for accusing him. I was SO unhappy. I always found myself doing everything in my power to be the perfect girlfriend so he would stop. I’d think “maybe if I dressed better? Maybe if my hair was different? Maybe if I paid his rent each month? Maybe if I paid his phone bill or cooked his dinners every night he would love me and stop doing it”. He didn’t. And I exhausted myself (and my bank balance) trying to do everything for him so he would value me as a human. My friends would try and tell me he was awful and to leave, but I never felt like I could because he always made me feel as though it was my own “crazy” mind making it all up. I know that no matter how many times your friends and family tell you to leave, only you will know when that time is right. Even now, with me saying this to you, you probably won’t leave immediately. But I hope it’s sparked something in you, to know that I was where you are (although thankfully we weren’t engaged) and I WISH I’d left sooner so that I had more time to heal, find myself and fall in love with someone who cherishes me and respects me. Just remember, right now you are saying you are at breaking point, the only way that this can get any better is to break away and start fresh. It will be like ripping off a plaster and will be SO hard to do because right now you don’t feel strong, or confident but trust me, in weeks, months and years from now you will be happy, respected and loved by someone who deserves you. Please keep in touch and let me know what happens and just remember, you are stronger than you think xxx
Charlotte
Hello!
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been having a difficult time dealing with confidence- it can be really overwhelming when insecurity takes over so you’ve been so brave to write in and share how you’re feeling. Whilst I’m not in a wheelchair, I do have a chronic pain condition that flared up during lockdown and has made wearing certain clothes that I used to love difficult, as I now need everything to be loose-fitting and comfortable. I think social media and comparison can really play into confidence because of how easy it is to compare yourself, so my first piece of advice would be to create a really positive and inspiring environment on Instagram in which you follow other people in a similar situation and get some feel-good inspiration! A couple of fab people I’ve come across include @fashionbellee, @sophjbutler, @itslololove, @lucydoesyt and @georginawasdall.
Next up is tackling your thoughts and switching the discourse. It will take some practice, but actively enforcing little changes to your mindset that put a positive spin on what might previously have been negative/self-doubt focused thoughts is one step in the right direction of accepting and loving yourself for who you are! When your mind takes you to that place of insecurity, try to switch the narrative and counteract those thoughts with affirmations like “I love me for me”, “I am beautiful exactly as I am”, “I deserve to feel confident” and “I am exactly where I need to be”. Positive thinking is a powerful tool, and I think it’s something that will help you so much in challenging the thoughts that are holding you back.
Best of luck in your confidence journey and remember you’re doing so so great!
Charlotte
x
Danielle
Hey beautiful! So sorry to hear you’re feeling rubbish and like you’ve lost your confidence. It really sucks when you start to struggle with those feelings and feel like you just want to get back to who you are. I think Charlotte has answered this really well and I don’t have a ton to add on. I’d just like to reinforce the importance of curating your feed to view people who might be in a wheelchair or who have gone through adversity and reached a good place in their life. Maybe even start a new account packed full of amazing follows so you’re constantly reminded of how much strength you can find from inspiring people! Some of my faves are @rollinfunky, @tess.daly, @thebaglifeofbeck, and @jbone89 ❤️ You’re probably unlikely to find many people in your current circles that truly know what you’re going through (myself included) so seeking out friends in this community will do you the world of good. Tell people how you feel, don’t bottle it up, your good friends and family will want to support you however they can right now, stay strong! xx
Lareese
Hello anon!
Fellow people pleaser here – ‘no’ isn’t in my vocabulary. I’m so laid back and I’ll do anything for an easy life, so I often end up putting other people’s needs above my own. That said, I do think there’s a difference between being easy-going by nature and being a pushover. The latter jeopardises your happiness and wellbeing, ultimately corroding your self-worth and autonomy over your own life. And that’s not cool!
It’s possible to be a nice person AND have boundaries, in fact, arguably you’ll be a better nice person when you learn how to be nice to yourself first and respect your own limits. It’s certainly not negative to stand up for yourself or communicate your needs, it’s 100% necessary. You need to be assertive and honest about what you want or expect from a situation, as well as what you’re willing to tolerate / not tolerate.
It’s a lovely trait to want to make other people happy but at what cost? It shouldn’t be at the expense of your own happiness. While facing challenging situations can seem intimidating at first, over time, it will become easier as you develop emotional strength to have those conversations and in turn, others will soon learn where they stand with you. Everyone is different and has different boundaries, and only you are capable of expressing yours. If you don’t ask for what you want, who will?
Turning down things that you don’t have time for or simply don’t want to do is the most important act of self-care, and saying no can actually be a positive healthy decision, not a negative. It’s not going to be an overnight thing if people-pleasing is in your blood but with courage, you will get there and asserting yourself will eventually become a natural part of honouring who you are. Stop pursuing the approval from others and pursue your happiness instead – usually, the fear of upsetting someone is much worse than the reality and if they feel let down by a healthy decision you need to make, then that’s on them, it’s their responsibility to deal with that, not yours. Keep working at it and let us know how you get on, lots of love Lareese xx
Maddie
Hey and thanks so much for writing in with your dilemma. I can definitely relate to this, arguments and confrontation don’t come naturally to me at all either and I know what you mean about the sinking guilty feeling you can feel after an argument too. When it comes to relationships over the years what I’ve learnt is that good communication can turn a possible confrontation into a really helpful productive discussion that doesn’t have to turn nasty to get your point across. In the past, if something upset me i would often bury it and not have the confidence to say, ‘actually I’m not ok with what you did/said here and this is why’ but eventually it eats away at you which sounds like what’s happening. It’s taken a while for me to realise that keeping things bottled up actually can have more adverse effects and can lead to repeated problems down the line so generally, it is best to be honest. I think we sometimes feel that the people we’re in a relationship with should be able to know how we’re feeling and can read our minds somehow. This isn’t the case at all and spelling out what is upsetting you really will make a world of difference to how people treat you. Relationships should be balanced, about compromise and your partner should be as concerned about your happiness as you are about theirs so don’t ever devalue yourself, you should be equals. If the people who are taking advantage of you don’t listen to you when you explain how you’re feeling then maybe it’s time to reevaluate those relationships all together but only you can decide when it’s time to do that. I hope things get easier for you soon, let us know how you’re getting on, Maddie x.
Darcey
Hey Anon,
I’m so sorry to hear that you have been feeling this way. Covid-19 has been extremely unnerving everyone, our world as we knew it changed within a matter of weeks and so it is totally understandable to be worried about the future. I want you to know that how you are feeling is so normal, that I think really, we all are quite worried about the future.
I also want you to know that you are never alone, even when you feel completely isolated from everyone else. I think voicing how lonely you feel to friends and family would be really beneficial. You could ask to facetime them more, or even just have a weekly phone call that happens at the same time every week, so you have something to look forward to.
I wish I could say this will be over next year, but unfortunately, no one knows when all of this will end and that can be really scary. I totally understand this worry you feel when thinking about the future, I feel the same some days and my anxiety can get the better of me. But remember that you aren’t alone in feeling this way and so many people feel this too. When you can sense yourself going into worry overdrive, try and distract yourself by doing something you enjoy. Whether that is painting, playing a game, reading a book, doing something you find joy in can really help you relax your mind and ease that worry. I also use the Calm app when I am feeling super anxious and worrying, they have amazing breathing techniques and quick meditations which calm you down.
Focus on the now and not the future, dwelling on the future is pointless because, in fact, you are just dwelling on an imaginary scenario because none of us knows what the future holds. Finding that peace with the present will make you feel much happier. We will be out of this one day and you have so many amazing adventures ahead of you, stay strong you’ve got this.
Danielle
Hey Anon, I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this, loneliness is such a horrible feeling but it’s so so important to remember that you are not alone right now. What’s happening in the world right now is awful and there are so many terrible knock-on effects other than the actual disease itself. I can’t promise you how long this is going to last for, I wish I could say everything will be back to normal before you know it but it’s just a massive unknown at this point. Start thinking about how you can enrich your life in its current state, don’t get hung up on ‘when this is all over’ as it could be a long time and who knows if it will ever be the same as it was. I’m not sure which country you are in so I don’t know what the restrictions are like and I’m sure they are constantly changing. Try your best to seek out connections and communities online, digital is a great course of action for finding and chatting with people for a human connection. Are there any communities where you live that you can use to meet up with people for a socially distanced walk or coffee? It’s time to get creative, stop dwelling on what you can’t do and focus on what you CAN do. You have a long happy life ahead of you so start living in the now!
Zoe
Hello!
I’m like you, Christmas is a time of year I look forward to so much and is surrounded by so many positive memories. It feels like such a huge, important day but if you strip it right back, it’s just 24 hours. The pressure to ensure the day is perfect can sometimes get a bit overwhelming, especially when it comes to family arrangements. I’m so sorry to hear that you have lost your Dad and it’s completely normal to want to choose what your heart wants in order to feel better. I spent Christmas with my family right up until my parents divorced when I was 21 which is where things started to get a bit more complicated and disjointed. Even as a 21-year-old, my first thought was “what will we do at Christmas?”. I always wanted to try and please everyone else by darting here, there and everywhere (one year I even drove 3 hours to visit both families) and then I realised that I wasn’t prioritising what I wanted. I decided from then that I would spend Christmas in Brighton with my partners family and create other days to visit my family back in Wiltshire over the festive season instead. It’s not always about who you see on the day itself, but about creating memories and sharing the festive cheer on any day around the Christmas holidays if and when you’re able to. Explain to your Mum that you’d like to spend Christmas Day with your partner and that you’re excited for something different but that you’d love to do something with her on another day? Maybe Boxing Day or Christmas Eve? Or even a Sunday before Christmas where you can have a faux Christmas Day? I do this with both my Mum and her side of the family and my Dad and his side (we also try and do this with our friends too). We eat festive food, exchange gifts and still get that quality time without the pressure of pleasing everybody on one day! Since you sound like you love Christmas Day as much as I do, it just means you get MULTIPLE festive days and that’s never a bad thing! Just remember to put yourself and your happiness first, you deserve it! MERRY CHRISTMAS <3 XX
Charlotte
Hello!
This is such a tricky situation but from your email, I can tell how much of a kind and considerate daughter/partner you are so just straight off the bat I wanted to say you’re handling the situation really maturely. Christmas is always a really sensitive time when it comes to feeling like you need to please everyone, and I think this is probably heightened this year by social distancing and the many months of sadly not seeing loved ones. Despite that, however, the situation you’re in is far more complex in regards to dealing with the passing of your dad so I really empathise that you’ve been put in an impossible situation.
Ultimately, I think you’re well within your rights to put yourself first and take control in creating a happier and more comforting environment during what will no doubt be a difficult time, and I would hope your mum would understand that once she’s over the initial hurt. I know you mentioned that you find it difficult to say no to her, but if you’re able to express that the reason you’re feeling uncomfortable and anxious is primarily because of the grief following your dad’s death, I would hope that even she would understand she is being unreasonable by not letting you spend this time how you wish.
Perhaps if you find talking to her face to face difficult you could write her a letter or text explaining how you’re feeling. This might give her the chance to get the initial shock out of the way whilst you’re out and then come around to the idea when you then discuss it face to face. I think her immediate reaction will be a negative one, but hopefully, if you’re able to do this in a way that allows her to understand the reasons behind your decision she will know she cannot stand in the way of your happiness.
Emphasise that there are Christmas traditions you’re happy to carry on with her, perhaps a Christmas Eve film or Boxing Day walk, but stick to your guns and try not to let her get in the way of this healing process for you. Best of luck and I hope however you spend Christmas it will be a lovely one!
Charlotte
x
Lareese
Hello anon, thanks for writing in. I’m sure this is going to be a very common dilemma as we’re fast approaching Christmas now and it’s one of those uncomfortable conversations most families will have to have at some point, so you’re not alone. The older you get, the more you’re going to have relationships and other relatives’ needs and wants to cater to over the holiday season – sometimes above your own – so why not put yourself first this Christmas! It’s all about compromise.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with the loss of your dad, too. I think that’s even more reason to try and do something different from the norm this year. If the family dynamic is different now, it might be nice for you to take your mind off the sadness around this time of year and how things once were – time to make some new memories. I’m sure it’ll mean a lot to your partner to share Christmas with his family, too.
I think you can definitely soften the blow and suggest spending Boxing Day or another day with your mum over Christmas to make up for it, and to ensure she feels like she’s still getting to spend some time with you.
As long as you give her plenty of notice and really open up about how important it is for you to do this, I think she’ll be able to respect your boundaries (eventually!) and deal with it in her own way. Ultimately, as upset or disappointed as she is at first, she will have to respect your wishes. Just really drum it home that you’re not doing this to hurt her, you just really feel like this year, this is something you need to do. No time like the present, go and have a chat with her. Sending lots of love and hoping she can see your pov xx
Darcey
Hey Anon!
I can feel the worry oozing out of this submission so I can only imagine how that feels with all of those buzzing around your head. 2020 has been a wild year that’s for sure, it was something no one could prepare for and now we all find ourselves trying to navigate this new normal. I can see this worry is really beginning to stress you out and we do not want that! I really recommend downloading something like Calm app which can help calm you when you are in a heightened state of worry. It has short meditations and breathing exercises which can help relieve anxiety.
I think firstly you should speak to your family and let them know that this year you won’t be doing presents, or only small gifts, due to you not having a job and being a student. I am sure they will understand and probably don’t even expect a big gift from you every year! Starting university this year must have been rather stressful and not the experience you had hoped for, doing all your lectures online must feel really strange and I really do sympathise with all university students. But remember that although it may not be the typical university experience, there is still so much you can get out of it.
In terms of your job, I think if the idea of applying will stress you out then I think take a step back from that for a bit. The job market isn’t the best at the moment so finding a part-time job might be trickier, but there’s also no harm spending even an hour a week applying to a few jobs if you are feeling up to it. As we are approaching Christmas too usually Christmas temp jobs come out in retail around this time of the year, so you could find something there!
Travelling and new experiences are still ahead of you, they just might happen a bit later then you had hoped. But try not to stress about the future too much, just know that one day you will go travelling and explore all these new places and the worry you feel now will be a distant memory. Also, when it comes to boyfriend worries, if it helps, I am 22 and have never had a boyfriend too! Honestly, I spent a while stressing about it as well, but we forget how young we actually are! We have our whole lives ahead of us and one day you will meet someone. But really just enjoy your 20’s and the freedoms that come along with being single.
Wishing you all the best! Darcey xxx
Danielle
Hello love! Thanks so much for writing in, 2020 is a MESS so I feel you! It sounds like you’re doing a lot of worrying and I hope you don’t keep spiralling out of control, let’s a put a stop to as much of this worrying as possible! Immediately let your know brother and Dad know that you probably won’t be able to get them a physical expensive gift this year, take it off your plate. They love you and know your situation and your presence this Christmas is worth far more to them than material goods, I think a ton of people in your situation will be doing the exact same thing this year and that is more than OK! If you have the brain capacity to do so, keep applying for jobs to curb your money worries but also understand how competitive it is at the moment. Travelling will always be there whether you go next year or further down the line, if it’s important to you, you’ll make it happen one day! Boyfriend worries? Who doesn’t have em! Especially at 20, but believe me when I say it’ll happen. It’s pretty hard to put yourself out there right now so maybe try focusing on self-care, try and be the best possible you – a little exercise, maybe start cooking a bit more, find out what really makes you passionate. You can come out the other side more sure of yourself and your drive and I’m sure you’ll be attracting someone in no time at all. Those things will certainly help your motivation, it’s all about forming better habits and feeling good on the inside. Try and only worry about things you can control, as everything else is out of your hands! Good luck!
Model, content creator and founder of Fashion Killer Lauren-Nicole is a super stylish babe we wanted to know all about!
First of all, how are you and how are you coping in 2020?
I would be lying if I didn’t say things have been hard this year. While I’ve experienced some incredible highs in terms of my career, the world has been on its knees. Between COVID19, the political and social upheaval it’s hard to say those things don’t weigh on my spirit. But, I constantly have to remind myself that I have my health, a roof over my head, food on the table and the love of my family and friends – something not all have – and for that I’m grateful.
Tell us about how you got into modelling?
I started modelling when I was 17 and still at school. I started a blog when I was younger and through that bag to show my personal style and post images online Instagram. At the time the brand manager of an independent plus-size brand reached out to me about being a brand ambassador and that included modelling for them. And I modelled their SS16 and swimwear debut collection alongside Felicity Hayward.
What inspires you?
My family and my peers. But more recently than ever, the needs and desires of my younger self. I’ve found myself doing and creating opportunities my younger self needed to see herself in or desired to do. There’s real beauty and inspiration that comes from appeasing the fantasies of the child that lives within me.
We’re in love with your style; how would you describe it?
Thank you so much. It’s really about my mood. But the easiest way I’d describe on a visual level is, imagine Olivia Palermo, Tracee Ellis Ross, and Rihanna had a plus size fashion child – I’m not sure how three people make a child, but go with it. That’s my style. It’s slightly mature for a 22-year-old but is fresh, fun, and bold.
Can you tell us more about Fashion Killer and how it got started?
Yes, Fashion Killer is a platform I started while in secondary school at the age of 15. I was obsessed with all things fashion and loved writing, so started a blog. I wanted to be the black Tavi Gevinson. In 2020, it became less a personal blog and more a lifestyle platform with various writers.
What is your current night-time skincare routine?
I have been loving Kiehls’ products recently. I use the Calendula cleanser and toner, then apply the Vital Skin strengthening Hyaluronic acid, followed by the dark spot solution and finally moistures with Dr Jart Ceramidin cream and Dr Paw Paw on the lips. I also use Antipodes Kiwi Seed Gold Luminous Eye cream.
How do you shop at the moment and what is your process for discovering trends?
I like to use Pinterest in terms of finding new trends and styles. But generally, I’m not a massive trends follower. I like wearing what makes me feel good. So, if that’s a bright orange faux fur coat, then I’ll wear it.
What are you currently working on?
There’s a lot of exciting things happening at the moment. I’ll soon be announcing a new role that I’ve been appointed in a few weeks, that I’m very excited about. On top of that, I’m just trying my hardest to continue to advocate and represent women and bodies that look like mine, whether that be by creating opportunities, space or editorial. I think it’s important all women feel represented and seen.
Who are some of your current favourite follows online?
Oh, there’s so many. At the moment, I’m inspired and enjoying following creatives and photographers. Photographer and muse @NimaBenati, Bajan wardrobe and editorial stylist @thechicaddict, photographer @Nadineijewere, @vetrova_k and Tiktok and Instagram star @Everettwilliams. Each of them inspires me greatly, I love seeing what they create next.
What do you always carry with you?
I don’t go anywhere without my power bank charger.
What does your perfect weekend look like?
More so recently, around those I love. I really miss times when I could laugh, hug and kiss my family and friends carefree. My ideal weekend would be spent around my dearest in a cabin or cottage somewhere. Lots of music, lots of games, lots of laughter and probably a few debates about life, and everything wrong in the world. That’s perfect to me.
If you could only eat one meal again what would it be?
Damn only one?! Something Lebanese or Mediterranean. Light but super filling. Grilled meats with some good sides.
If you could give one positive message to our followers what would it be?
At the moment, you feel like you can’t go any further, that’s the moment a breakthrough is just about to come. So be gentle with yourself, take your time, understand that Rome wasn’t built in a day and whatever you’re working towards whether that’s career-wise, personal healing or relationships with others, take time with it, enjoy the process and eventually that thing you once dreamed about will become a reality. You’ve just got to have the belief, determination and strength to execute.
You've got your costume sorted, there's a faux spider's web hanging from every corner and spooky snacks piled high in cauldrons. Now it's time to serve the sauce!
Halloween celebrations might look a bit different this year due to the one who shall not be named but these freakishly good cocktails will keep your spirits high, even if you’re taking part in witching happy hour from home.
You’ve got your costume sorted, there’s a faux spider’s web hanging from every corner and spooky snacks piled high in cauldrons. Now it’s time to serve the sauce!
Gather round ghoul-friends – abiding by the rule of six of course – it’s time to quench your thirst with these bewitching brews.
Witch, Please
A wintry spin on the classic Screwdriver cocktail. The blue curacao is what lends this zesty tipple its enchanting green hue, making it the perfect Halloween beverage to serve to your ghoul-sisters in high ball glasses.
You will need: 2 Shots Vodka, 1 Shot Blue Curacao, 2 cups of Orange juice, Edible shimmer and sugar to decorate rim of glass
• In a cocktail shaker, add ice and pour in all the liquid ingredients. Shake until combined.
• On a plate, spread out enough sugar to cover the surface, and sprinkle out the edible glitter. Using a lemon, take your serving glasses and coat the rim in the lemon juice. Turn the glass rim-side down on the plate and coat the edges in sugar.
• Pour and serve your cocktails!
Creep It Real
If prosecco is usually your party beverage of choice then this sparkling number might be your spirit animal in cocktail form. Vivid, eerie and irresistibly sweet, it’s the closest thing to sippin’ on witches brew IRL.
You will need: 2 Shots Apple Vodka, 1 Shot Chambord, 1 Shot Grenadine syrup, 1 Shot Blue Curaçao, Prosecco
• Mix all the ingredients minus the Prosecco in a shaker. Pour into your glasses and top up with Prosecco for a perfectly sparkly drink!
Break Up With Your Ghoulfriend
A very drinkable hot apple cider simmered with fragrant spices and packed with flavour. It’s the perfect winter warmer to welcome your cronies with. Less scary, more soothing on the soul and best enjoyed with a sheet mask and a movie marathon.
You Will Need: 1 ltr Dry Cider, 7 tbsp Calvados, Apple juice, 75g dark brown sugar, 1 Orange (zested and sliced), 4 whole cloves, 2 cinnamon sticks, broken in half
• Add all the ingredients to a pan. Bring it to the boil and then turn to a gentle simmer for 5 minutes to allow the spices and fruit to infuse with the liquid. Serve and enjoy whilst hot, in mugs garnished with fresh orange slices.
Will you be giving these festive cocktails a go? Let us know which is your favourite below!
From beanies and boots to shackets and snuggly jumpers, there’s something about cosy clothes shopping that feel like the ultimate self-care purchase.
Oh hey autumn! It’s all systems go as the high street brings out the best of the best of its cool weather offerings, and this year more than ever we are living for the small joys of an ASOS order in the post or morning scroll through ‘New In’. The summer to autumn wardrobe changeover is complete, and our desire for new pieces that add a certain je ne sais quoi to our clothes rail has well and truly been piqued.
This year’s essentials, as demonstrated by our daily Insta scrolling, are chunky boots, embroidered and grandad knitwear, OTT collars and XXL coats and trenches.
From beanies and boots to shackets and snuggly jumpers, there’s something about cosy clothes shopping that feel like the ultimate self-care purchase. This year’s essentials, as demonstrated by our daily Insta scrolling, are chunky boots, embroidered and grandad knitwear, OTT collars and XXL coats and trenches. Click through to see what team Zoella have been lusting over in the month of October
Zoe
These are a couple of bits I’ve purchased recently or have on my autumn wishlist! Charlotte actually linked me this cardigan on Zara and I purchased it immediately. I’m really loving cute, chunky cardigans and paired with an autumn theme is just transitional fashion perfection. I’m also obsessed with the chunky boots too, I’ve seen a few people rocking these and decided to buy some to take me through to next year! (you might just have to pop your email in so you know when they come back in stock). Also, love me a tracksuit and shacked and these from H&M are fabulous!
Given my ever-expanding baby bump, it’s a little bit harder to shop at the moment as I don’t want to invest in outfits for them to not fit in a few months. That being said I think being pregnant in Autumn/Winter is a bit of a blessing for me as I mostly live in big roll neck jumpers, leather-look leggings and heeled boots all of which still fit perfectly. I recently bought some from Zara that are a dupe of the Givenchy buckled boots and I’m slightly obsessed and at nearly £900 cheaper than the designer version what’s not to love. Also, let’s not forget this is the year of the tracksuit co-ord!
Every year I try and talk myself out of buying another coat but fail miserably. I just think when you’re living in England, you’re going to get your money’s worth so it’s always worth investing in a coat you can throw on and wear with anything. I’ve also got my eye on another pair of Veja trainers in the autumnal white/camel colourway, I got a pair for my birthday this year and have lived in them ever since. They’re so comfy and they look the part!
So I’ve made a little outfit packed full of my essentials this season. I may have been influenced by @Missy_elz as I’m obsessed with her at the moment and she has SO much styling content. Starting off with the feed I’ve gone for some white heeled boots, any kind of lighter colour do the job and as I’m less likely to only be wearing them out for drinks or dinner (Thanks Covid) I don’t think they’ll be a muddy mess by January. Next some classic blue Mom jeans from Emma Louise Connolly’s H&M edit, it’s so hard for me to pick the perfect blue denim but these are gorgeous. Beautiful biscuit knitwear from H&M – who are really killing it at the moment and they have a good size range. Love this shape and sleeve. Little white jacket and gold hoops from & Other Stories and a beanie from Weekday to top it all off!
I’m normally more of a summer kinda gal but I have to say there is something about the autumn/winter clothing drops this year that I am LOVING. Perhaps it’s purely social distancing boredom that means I’m spending more time scrolling ASOS …
Since ditching my fringe in lockdown I am alllll over beanies which always used to squash my bangs, and this colour block number from Ganni is high on my lust list. Chunky boots are everything at the moment and honestly, I’m not mad about it. Practical + on-trend = a winner in my book.
I’ve put together some bits I’ve seen online recently which I think are 1) super cute and 2) good essential pieces which are versatile too. Of course, knitwear is high up on my list and I’ve really been loving H&M’s selection recently, they have so many affordable pieces which are also really great quality too. Shacket’s are HUGE this season and I love this one from And Other Stories which is made from recycled wool. Another essential for me is a good pair of faux leather leggings, I’ve always found these quite hard to buy as I am a 16/18 and find that leather trousers never seem to sit quite right. I recently discovered these leggings from Next and they are super comfy, look great on and also are available in a wide range of sizes. Lastly, I spotted a shirt from Weekday and it gave me major Cher vibes from Clueless so I had to include that too!
SERVES
PREP:
15 MINS
COOK:
10 MINS
EASY
INGREDIENTS
