Between You and Me – Answering Your Problems Pt. 2

To me, it sounds like you’ve already made up your mind about your boyfriend purely by the way you’ve written your email. It’s definitely clear he is not the one for you but you’re tied to him through so many other complicated things that make it hard for you to leave and that must be so stressful and difficult.

You have so much going on and there are so many moving parts that it’s no wonder you are stressed and losing weight. My advice is to break up with your boyfriend but I would be careful over-sharing. I agree you should start a bit more of a life for yourself before jumping into a new relationship as you don’t want to end up relying on your partner again.

In terms of your sexuality, I firmly believe it’s a sliding scale and you don’t have to pressure yourself into a label and ‘coming out’ to friends and family. Work on one thing at a time and you’ll soon have the confidence, to be honest with them when the time is right.

I think as soon as you’ve split up with your boyfriend you’ll start to feel less confused and guilty and therefore your mental and physical health will improve. Wishing you the best of luck! XOXO

Hello!

This is a really great question and one I’m sure many people would like some advice on. Periods can be very daunting when you first start and the idea of having them every month can be quite stressful when you haven’t quite worked out your flow yet. I remember when I started my period just before my 16th birthday I felt so relieved for the moment to have finally come, until the realisation hit that actually periods aren’t that exciting and not so pleasant at times either!

Saying that though, periods are just a natural thing us humans blessed with a uterus have to deal with, and once you know how your body works on your period, they can be very easy to manage. I’d say if you are experiencing quite bad periods, it’s worth visiting your doctor to see if they can offer you anything to help relieve them a bit. I’d really recommend downloading a period tracker app, I use Flo and it’s really great to track your periods and symptoms and will give you more of an idea when your period is due. I’ve found it to be really accurate and now I can pinpoint a day I’ll be coming on my period which is great for peace of mind too, it’s definitely worth a try!

Also, just explore using different types of sanitary products. You might find you prefer using sanitary pads to tampons, or vice versa, there’s so many products out there to trial so you are bound to find something you get along with. Also, don’t be afraid of leaks, it happens to the best of us and something we can’t really control!

On the topic of pubic hair, do what makes you feel most comfortable! At the end of the day, we all have pubic hair and what we choose to do with it is our choice. I know there can be a lot of pressure in removing it all, and if that’s what you choose to do then that’s absolutely fine, but if you would like some hair down there, then you do you! Personally, I have grown quite fond of waxing, mainly because I cannot shave as I find it super uncomfortable when it grows back, and waxing takes away that horrible shaving rash itch (but not everyone experiences this). But of course, with waxing, means growing it back for the next round of waxing, so I’m no stranger to letting it grow down there.

Basically, do what feels best for you and what makes you feel comfortable. There is no wrong or right answer when it comes to pubic hair, it’s the individual’s preference! Whether you wax it all off or grow it all out, as long as you are happy, that’s all that matters!

Hope this helps and good luck with everything!

My biggest piece of advice is just to experiment! The thing about hair (especially pubic hair) is that it grows back so you don’t have to worry too much about committing to a style.

If you’re used to shaving your legs or armpits you could try whacking it all off, neatening it up or leaving some at the top and see what you like the look of most! I personally just get rid of the whole lot with a razor, but there are downsides to this as the skin can get quite itchy and rashy. There are tons of articles online about how to go about using the best products for this and making sure you exfoliate before and after.

I’ve never gone full throttle for a fanny wax as I don’t think I could handle the pain but plenty of women swear by it, so it’s probably worth trying when you’re more confident with your nether regions.

We’re currently experiencing a bit of a revolution when it comes to period products as new brands are becoming available and sustainability is playing such a huge part in our monthlies. Suddenly we have to choose not just for our vaginas but also how much impact we want to have on the environment! When I first started I used sanitary towels but these can be super unreliable and prone to leaking so it wasn’t long before I made the move to tampons. I prefer to use tampons with an applicator, but it’s all about experimenting and seeing what you’re comfortable with.

You only have one a month (thank god) so it takes a bit of time to find what’s right for you and it can all seem a bit intimidating at first but I promise you’ll get the hang of it! XOXO

Firstly, i’m so sorry to hear about this. Absolutely nobody deserves to feel the way you do. Secondly, you have wholeheartedly done the right thing by moving home and focusing on you and your career. somebody who loves you and respects you, would have embraced that change.

Unfortunately it sounds like your boyfriend used this as an excuse for his crappy behaviour because the situation gave him an out. Cheating is cowardly and expresses a real lack of respect and communication. If he was finding it hard with you being away, he could have chosen to express that to you and given you the chance to deal with it together in a whole manner of ways. He CHOSE to cheat on you, this was not your doing. The fact he is placing blame on you is a clear indication that he can’t accept the responsibility which is a real shame, but something I have experienced myself in a previous relationship.

You have 100% done the right thing, as you said yourself, you are excelling! And this was because you took a leap of faith and went with your heart. As cliche as it sounds, I really believe everything happens for a reason and when one door opens, another closes. That doesn’t mean to say it doesn’t hurt or that it’s easy, but you sound like you’re on the most amazing life journey right now and if your boyfriend was prepared to jump ship at the first sight of change, he would have been dragging you down and holding you back.

Life is too damn short for people who don’t want the best for you! The next person you meet will get the absolute best version of you (something your ex boyfriend clearly didn’t deserve) and I wish you nothing but happiness on this new and exciting chapter in your life!

Hello!

I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through a tough time with your breakup. I can relate to this exact situation and i can’t tell you how angry it makes me on your behalf that you’ve been made to feel that this is somehow your fault, it 1 million percent is not. Choosing to cheat is an individuals choice, end of story.

The summer I turned 18 I fell head over heels in love with a boy, by the time we went our separate ways for university I was convinced he was the “one” and that long distance wouldn’t break us apart. For my part i stayed loyal and didn’t get a wondering eye even for a second. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case for my boyfriend who within a few weeks not only rekindled something with an ex back home but also met a new “special friend” at university too, all while seemingly being devoted to me. If i could go back in time and change one thing I would go back and not forgive him when he told me it wouldn’t happen again. Our relationship lasted nearly 9 years after that with millions more ups and downs. I was plagued by mistrust, misery and insecurity yet was somehow addicted to this person and it took years before i finally let go. That whole time i blamed myself too and that’s another thing I really regret. It wasn’t my fault that he didn’t share my morals and standards, just like this is not your fault either. There’s something really clever about people who lie and cheat, they manage to turn things around on you just to justify their actions to themselves and take the edge off their guilt and shame. I promise you, taking the decision to focus on yourself and move home to excel in your career will be the best thing you could have ever done for your future happiness and if he was too immature and cowardly to have an honest conversation with you about your relationship you can’t blame yourself for that. Breakups are really rubbish but I promise it will get better with time, try and stay busy, do new things and say YES to as much as possible!

I promise that not everyone cheats and not every long distance relationship is doomed, it comes down to communication and sharing the same expectations, morals and values. Concentrate on yourself and the right person will be along before you know it.

Hi love,

Thanks so much for getting in touch. I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling confused and worried about this. I feel so disheartened on your behalf that you could even contemplate this being your fault. It’s absolutely not so don’t even entertain that thought. If things weren’t working out when you moved back home to Brighton he should have grown a pair and communicated with you rather than dropping his pants, being unfaithful and then pinning the blame on you. After four years together, he owed you an honest conversation, right? It’s about respect.

It sounds to me like a classic case of a guy who didn’t quite know how to handle the thought of his long-term girlfriend flourishing on her own terms and making decisions that would serve her future self but that’s exactly what you did, and it sounds like it was precisely what you needed to do to motivate your own happiness. That could never be a mistake!

You moved away, you didn’t break up with him because you clearly wanted it to work and were still very much invested in the relationship. Sure, living apart was new territory for both of you to navigate and work on but that doesn’t justify his infidelity.

If you were still together, you’d still be stuck in an unfulfilling job, wondering what would have happened if you’d taken the leap of faith and moved home. Don’t waste another second thinking about the shoulda woulda could ofs – continue to nourish yourself and do more of what makes YOU happy. He may not have known your worth but someone else sure will.

There’s a lot to unpack here but firstly I think it’s important to acknowledge that the stresses you’re feeling are totally normal in the run up to university, which is such a big life ‘moment’. Being aware of your own feelings amongst the input of others is really great so I hope you’re able to recognise the good in yourself here.

Everyone experiences self-doubt and imposter syndrome to some degree when applying to university- after all, it’s an entirely new process and experience that’s bound to make you question your worth and abilities. But what’s not helpful is other people also doubting you when they should in fact be your biggest cheerleaders! It might be helpful to remind your friends of that when they next say something on the topic, and voice that you need their support and backing rather than criticism in a time that’s already leaving you anxious. It sounds like they have your best interests at heart but perhaps aren’t going about it in the best way!

In regards to your part time job, is it something you really love or need to earn some money before university? If you’re also feeling like it’s taking up too much of your free time, perhaps pressing pause on working until your exams are out of the way could be an option? I think balance is the key in this scenario, and if you’re able to put in place a killer revision and exam prep timetable that works around your other commitments then achieving your academic goals will hopefully feel more within your reach. 8 hours sounds achievable around your revision, but if you know that time would be better placed in giving you moments of relaxation to recharge around your hectic school commitments, then self-care should always come out on top!

Similarly to your friends, I think your mum also has your best interests at heart in trying to prepare you for the step up to university, even though her way of going about it feels a little harsh. I think my main advice is to trust your gut- only you know your abilities and capability in pushing yourself so try not let others dictate that for you. Maybe try to think about future you and what she would want you to do- will you regret not pursuing medicine because of doubts others have projected on to you, or would a less ‘intense’ course actually be best for your mental health and career prospects. Best of luck with whatever you decide feels most ‘right’ and fitting for you. Hugs!

This all sounds like a lot of people are taking it upon themselves to crawl into your head/business. It is totally normal for you to be feeling these stresses at this junction in your life. You feel like you need to have everything laid out in a nice neat path ready to start following into adulthood, but I can assure you, there are a lot of people feeling exactly the same way you are (even some of your friends).

I was so stressed in year 12 as I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do and which career path I wanted to take. I also felt like I was the only one who didn’t have a clue, which of course isn’t true. First of all, however hard it might be, you have to try and ignore what other people want for you. Although I’m sure it comes from a place of love, concern and support, it’s not always solicited or wanted and can actually end up making you feel more confused.

The one thing I think you should really sit down and think about, is what YOU want. What do YOU enjoy? You’re still so young and careers can change and adjust as you get older, all you can do is go on what you feel right now, in this very moment. In terms of grades and exams, again, as long as you put everything you can into it (job or not) and you try to the best of your ability, regardless of what grades you end up with, you can hand on heart say you tried your best, and that’s all that matters. Just remember that you’re the one in the drivers seat, you’ve got the wheel and you can go wherever you want at whatever speed you like (you can also reverse too!) Keep us updated! x