These boots were made for stomping, and that's just what we'll do! Sandal weather may already feel like a distant memory but all is not lost- the trusty, chunky ankle boot can do no wrong in our eyes and offers endless styling potential.
These boots were made for stomping, and that’s just what we’ll do! Sandal weather may already feel like a distant memory but all is not lost- the trusty, chunky ankle boot can do no wrong in our eyes and offers endless styling potential. Whether you fancy some extra height, a snug fit to keep your ankles toasty or simply love the clompy, authoritative feeling these power stance boots have to offer, their versatility makes them perfect for all autumn, winter and spring seasons to come.
Their versatility makes them perfect for all autumn, winter and spring seasons to come!
Unless you’ve been hibernating away from social media of late, you may have noticed the hype for a certain spenny, designer (cough Prada cough) boot taking the Instagram world by storm. If the thought of dropping 2 months rent on a pair of shoes makes you feel queasy, look no further than this edit of high street to mid-range booties to satisfy that staple winter boot craving.
We caught up with Alexa Shoen, internet career coach and author of #ENTRYLEVELBOSS, to learn more about what it takes to find a job during a pandemic...
First off, how are you and how have you been coping in 2020?
Oof. I have been… fine? All things considered? Maybe? I’ve had several bad weeks, but there have also been unexpected pockets of good. I got really lucky with my lockdown in that I met basically everyone in my building and we now do straight-out-of-the-movies things for each other, like bake fresh chocolate chip cookies and “pop by” for a glass of wine.
My work has become more important than ever–because my life is all about coaching young jobseekers through the process of finding their first or second proper job, and there are a whole lotta jobseekers right about now. We’ve helped thousands of young people in the US and UK figure out their next career move since COVID hit. That makes me proud and gives me purpose on the tough days.
Tell us about yourself! How do you balance your multi-hyphenated career as a Singer, Author and CEO of an education company
I’m Alexa: author of a bestselling career guide called #ENTRYLEVELBOSS: A 9-Step Guide For Finding A Job You Like (And Actually Getting Hired To Do It) that came out globally during lockdown. I’m sometimes referred to as the internet’s favorite career coach… like Joe Wicks, but for CVs. I run a career education company (also called #ENTRYLEVELBOSS) and we work with young people who need support finding their way in the professional world.
As for how I “balance” it? Last year, I released a full studio album, wrote the entire manuscript for #ENTRYLEVELBOSS, hired a team for my company, and took some big business risks. I played gigs in Mexico, took meetings in San Francisco, wrote the book in Berlin and New York… It was one of those years when you see an opening and you just sprint for it.
The year before: I still had a full-time job and was hustling before work to write my proposal and make sure all our jobseekers were succeeding.
Whenever you hear that someone is doing it all, please know they’re not doing it all in one week. They’re tinkering over time. Things that seem to be happening “all at once,” aren’t.
How did you get the idea and inspiration for Entry Level Boss?
I graduated with my BA in English Literature in America (I’m Californian). Then, I came to England (shout out to Leeds) and did my MA in Jazz Vocal Performance. And then I tried to go out into the world and… fell flat on my face, couldn’t find a job to save my life, and had no idea what to do next.
It wasn’t that I was entitled, I was just clueless. I’d done everything I’d been told to do – get educated! participate in clubs! etc! – and then there was no clear step as to what to do next.
I slowly learned, the hard way, what it takes to get the good interviews and land the cool jobs. I paid attention to all the things I wished would’ve been spelled out for me. And then, I wrote it all down.
What are some of the key takeaways from Entry Level Boss?
In #ENTRYLEVELBOSS, I teach you all the stuff you need to know about how modern employment actually works–a lot of which directly contradicts the outdated, pre-internet career advice you’ve been given. Then, I walk you through a proven 9-step method for getting the kind of job you want, faster, by sending in fewer applications.
The keyest of key takeaways: multiple studies show that 80% of jobs are landed through personal connections. That means that scrolling through LinkedIn and writing yet another cover letter for yet another job you don’t want whilst crying is… a wildly inefficient use of your time. You don’t have to do it like that.
What was it like to write a book and get it published?
Honestly? I genuinely hated writing a book. The actual writing part, I mean. I like immediate gratification, being in front of crowds, working in teams. I knew that it would be worth it, but I found it super lonely and draining to work on such a solitary task for so many months.
I’m a much better author of a published book! #ENTRYLEVELBOSS was always meant to inspire action. This, to me, is the magical part: watching my work come alive in the world and getting the messages from readers who are writing to tell me about their job offers.
What is your process like for preparing a talk when you’re public speaking?
I’ve always been dangerously good at winging it on stage–blame it on a lifetime of singing. But the best advice I ever got for public speaking was this: what is the ONE thing you want the audience to remember when you’re done? Reverse-engineer your entire talk to make sure that ONE point hits home. That’s your only job.
What are you currently working on?
I’m still doing a lot of press for the book (it’s coming out in India this month!). My team and I are also spending a ton of our time working with universities and careers advisors who are excited about getting #ENTRYLEVELBOSS employability into the classroom for students before they graduate.
Who are some of your top follows online?
@theferocity on Twitter – Saeed Jones is a shining light, needed more than ever | @gabifresh on IG – the OG plus-size icon that we all need in our lives | @thelesliejordan on IG – the true breakout star of quarantine video IMHO | @blackownedeverything on IG – for finding your new fave Black-owned brand
What has been the highlight of your career so far?
The day I found out that St. Martin’s Press bought my book proposal was a huge deal for me. I started a newsletter when I was 25, and then 3.5 years went by, and then I got two book deals within a week (US and UK). That feeling was insane.
What do you always carry with you?
A pen. I feel like I can’t really ask to borrow a pen anymore, because… pandemic.
If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life what would it be?
This question is making me think nostalgically about one of the best meals of my life: Ka’ana Kitchen at the Andaz Hotel on Maui. Just order whatever they tell you to order.
What does your perfect weekend look like?
Somewhere beautiful, with no phones and no itinerary, surrounded by people I love. Oh! And I’ll probably make breakfast burritos for everybody at some point.
If you could give one piece of advice to our audience, what would it be?
Don’t take career advice from people whose careers you don’t want.
Grab a hot cup of coffee and start your day right with this seasonally appropriate stack of thick, fluffy American style pancakes.
Just here to serve you that sweet Autumn thirst trap, you can thank us later.
Grab a hot cup of coffee and start your day right with this seasonally appropriate stack of thick, fluffy American style pancakes.
It’s the perfect easy beige breakfast or brunch for a chilly morning in the fall.
Packed with pumpkin goodness and warming spices and drizzled in maple syrup, chocolate chips & pecans, it’s the perfect easy beige breakfast or brunch for a chilly morning in the fall.
We can’t guarantee leftovers, so think fast and tuck in!
SERVES 6
PREP:
20 MINS COOK:
20 MINS
EASY
INGREDIENTS
Ingredients
For the Pancakes
300g self-raising flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1-1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground allspice
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon salt
100g pumpkin puree
400ml cup milk
2 large eggs
For the toppings
Maple syrup
Chocolate chips
Pecans
Whipped cream, cream cheese and cinnamon to make a delicious cream cheese frosting!
For the Pancakes
In two seperate bowls, mix together the wet ingredients – half the milk, egg and the pumpkin
In the other bowl combine your dry ingredients – flour, baking powder, baking soda, allspice, cinnamon, ginger and a pinch of salt.
Stir your dry ingredients into the pumpkin mixture adding the rest of the milk as you go, add more milk until you reach the consistency you desire.
Heat your pan with a light coating of oil over medium heat. The trick is to cook your pancakes low and slow.
Ladle the batter onto your pan using about 2 tablespoons of the mixture.
When the pancake starts to show bubbles forming flip it over, cook until nicely browned. You can always cut your first one in half to gauge if it’s cooked all the way through.
If you’re making a lot of pancakes place them on a baking tray in the oven on a low setting to keep them warm.
For the toppings
Obviously what you place on pancakes is completely up to you, we went with toppings that would enhance the spices fall flavours
To make a cream cheese frosting we combined whipped cream, cream cheese, and a teaspoon of cinnamon. You could also add sugar or vanilla if you’ve got a sweeter tooth
As the most visible part of your outfit for months at a time, finding the perfect outerwear pick that bridges versatility, style, comfort and practicality can be somewhat of a challenge.
Whilst we love a bare leg and shorts combo as much as the next person, there’s something about the clock striking 12:00 on August 31st that takes our minds fully into autumn/winter mode and ready to embrace all things cosy dressing. As the most visible part of your outfit for months at a time, finding the perfect outerwear pick that bridges versatility, style, comfort and practicality can be somewhat of a challenge. If you’re feeling overwhelmed in the quest for the perfect buy, consider the other items in your wardrobe and work around the basic colour palette, style and silhouette of the hero items you wear on rotation to narrow down the hunt for ‘the one’.
Be it a classic Parisian trench, statement puffer, longline wool blend or a staple leather jacket, this is the fashion purchase of the year that might just benefit from an extra splurge.
Lareese
Coat season is my season! I LOVE it. I probably have more coats and jackets in my wardrobe than anything else (and I steal my bf’s, too). I just think it’s such a great way to make the simplest of outfits feel more put-together and you get a lot of wear out of them, so it’s a worthwhile investment in my eyes. I usually go for a long wool blend coat I can chuck on with anything and not have to think too much about it. I also spotted this green quilted one from Stories which is basically like a big ol’ duvet so, I’m sold!
Besides Christmas, the other thing I love about winter as a season is being able to wrap up and snuggle up in a coat. I love layering through autumn and I usually extend this into the winter too with hoodies underneath jackets and coats. I love an oversized “workwear” shacket, something with a bit of length and you can’t go wrong with a bit of borg!
I’ve already ordered about 5 jackets this year and I’m just not sorry about it. I feel like a jacket really makes an outfit and the lighter options like a shacket or a blazer are great for heading into the office and keeping on. I’ve also picked out a couple of styles that I’ll be donning when the weather gets colder!
To be honest, the only part of winter dressing I LOVE is coats and jackets- I have more than I care to admit but I justify it as they’re the most visible part of your outfit during the colder months.
I’ve gone for two neutral picks in black and oxblood and two more fun additions to add a pop of colour to a gloomy day. I love textures when it comes to outwear and PVC is always super fun (and rainproof!) so I like to pretend it’s practical in some respect. Can I get away with ordering all four?
I bloody love coat season and always end up searching the Internet relentlessly for the best one! I love a shearling jacket and adore the selection of shackets currently being sold at H&M. I’ve picked a classic trench too from Zara as I think you can’t go wrong with one of these in your wardrobe.
Is there anything better than layering up your outfits this time of year? After a scorching summer, I’m definitely ready to feel a chill and dust off my winter jackets and coats. I’m a big believer in investing in a well-tailored wool coat, they never go out of style especially if you pick a neutral colour like black or tan. A slightly marmite choice, I’m a big fan of the teddy bear coats, you won’t find anything warmer for those peak winter days I assure you. Shop the Curated have some of the most gorgeous coats generally and they’re so worth the investment. Finally, I’m also all about having practical options too and being a big fan of long walks in the countryside come rain or shine a good quality parka is a must-have in every wardrobe.
Between You And Me: Answering Your Problems Part 8
This month, we’re discussing how to ride solo after a breakup, pushing through those frustrating creative blocks and presentation anxiety, aka Glossophobia. It’s a thing that affects around a whopping 75% of us!
We’re back for another juicy round of Between You & Me, the feature dedicated to helping you navigate life’s many, many predicaments.
This month, we’re discussing how to ride solo after a breakup, pushing through those frustrating creative blocks and presentation anxiety, aka Glossophobia. It’s a thing that affects around a whopping 75% of us!
We’re also tackling social distancing dating dilemmas, coming out to the grandparents, how to be there for a bezzie pal with cold feet and losing friends to serious relationships.
Is life serving you one too many lemons at the mo? Send your problems to Betweenyouandme@zoella.co.uk and we’ll do our best to answer them next time round.
Until then, grab yourself a brew & settle down with us, your in-house agony aunts!
Lareese
Thank you for writing in to us, your dilemma really resonated with me because I too struggle with creative droughts more often than I’d like, and even though I’m aware it comes with the territory, it doesn’t make it any less frustrating when all you want to do is do the thing you love and that you’re good at! The thing I’ve found most useful whenever I’m feeling creatively spent is to stop trying to force it.
Try to distance yourself from your work by doing something completely different – swimming, walking and listening to a podcast, meditating, whatever will help you mentally and physically step away from your work and your creativity. It’s not always easy because of that pressure to keep thinking of ideas & creating, but sometimes the best thing you can do to maintain the work you love and preserve your passion for it is simply to stop doing it. Just take a break and breathe for a minute; disconnect to reconnect.
Creativity isn’t always a comfortable pursuit. It can be intense, frustrating and mentally draining. It takes up a lot of energy and demands focus, so if you’ve got a lot going on elsewhere in your life between your part-time job and preparing yourself for uni, you might not be in the right mindset to sit and write or paint right now. I’d say that having some routine and establishing some healthy work habits can really help, too. When do you feel most creative? Are you a morning person or a night owl? Rather than trying to squeeze in a quick writing session or sitting down to work on some art before rushing off to your job, set aside some uninterrupted time to tend to your creativity. Pay attention to the things that you know make your creativity thrive.
Our best ideas often come to us as the most random of times, so use the notes section in your phone to write down any ideas that come to you organically when you’re not trying to force them or keep a notepad/sketchbook next to your bed. Lastly, I’d say look at your workspace – can you do anything to shake it up a bit and make it a space you want to spend time in (preferably near a window – that always helps me write!) You’ll push through it don’t you worry. Good luck, lovely!
Zoe
As a creative myself, I know exactly how you feel and it can be the most frustrating feeling ever. A few things I always find help clear my mind and strike up some creativity are making sure I’m well-rested and focusing on myself more. Wellness and self-care are so important for our minds and bodies and sometimes if I’m not looking after myself, my mind goes to complete mush and I’m lucky if I can even string a sentence together let alone feel inspired to create something. Forcing creativity is also something that just doesn’t seem to work for me. I have to be in the right headspace and trying to force it usually ends in more frustration and comparison amongst my peers who are all out doing cool things which instantly highlights the fact I feel like I’m not. Be gentle with yourself and create some space to let it happen naturally. Try doing a few new things, go on walks, meet with friends, watch new films. Sometimes it’s easier to feel inspired when we’re just living our lives and experiencing new things as we do it! Good Luck! x
Charlotte
Hiya!
Thank you so much for writing in and sorry to hear your friend is having such a tough time!
A 10 year age gap is quite a significant one, but I assume when she entered into the relationship she would have been aware that there may be some differences in how their paths would align and differences in their individual wants and needs. I wonder therefore whether she has ever previously mentioned feeling that the relationship has moved too quickly or that she was feeling out of her depth? When you love someone I think it’s natural to want to slightly mould yourself a little to them in the hopes of making everything ‘perfect’, and perhaps she has prioritised his needs above hers and is only now realising that this feels inauthentic.
I think there are probably a few ways you could drop the subject into conversation without it seeming too suspicious- maybe next time wedding chat comes up ask how she’s finding it all, and if she responds negatively then maybe subtly pursue it and ask if she needs any help or if there’s something in particular she’s not enjoying.
It sounds promising that she has noticed this change in her mood, as at least she has some awareness of not feeling herself. Perhaps this is another relatively easy way to get the lowdown on what’s going on- maybe try texting her after the next time you meet and just ask if there’s anything you can help support her with if she doesn’t seem okay. As a genuine friend with really kind intentions, I don’t think there’s a way she could take this negatively and means you don’t have to directly mention the wedding- hopefully she might offer up some truths if you leave the floor open for her to be honest in a supportive environment. Are you guys part of a bigger friendship group or do you have any mutual friends you could confide in and see what their point of view is? Perhaps you could glean something from these conversations and share your concerns in confidence, as long as you can guarantee it won’t make it back to her.
Although it probably feels extremely frustrating to let her go ahead with this big life change that she doesn’t seem fully confident in, ultimately it will be her decision and one you will have to stand by and support as a friend. As long as you feel you have genuinely tried to be there for her and keep her best interests at heart I think that’s all you can really ever do!
Good luck!
xxx
Danielle
Hi Anon, thank you for writing in and well done for being such a concerned friend! There’s a couple of strains of thought here, the first being a little more chill and non-problematic which is that there is a big difference between a wedding and getting married. What I mean by that is someone might be super excited to be married to their partner and spend the rest of their life with them, but planning an actual wedding can be really stressful and nerve inducing! Take it from a gal who hated planning a wedding this year and was actually pleased when I had to call the whole thing off. Maybe your friend is just over the constant wedding chat or is feeling extremely nervous for the day making her pull back a bit?
On the other hand, there were a few things you mentioned that we’re a little concerning for me, obviously, I am no one to judge and I don’t even know your friend or her partner, but a ten year age gap when someone is 18, is a little alarming, especially when they are already getting married when she is 21. Maybe try and approach her about the fact she’s feeling low, see if she’ll open up to you about her mental health, and less about her relationship as I’d imagine she might have had to defend it on a few occasions. As a good friend try to remind how much you are there for her and try and cheer her up any way you can, she could be going through something and the more she’s aware she has people around her who love her unconditionally the better. <3
Lareese
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a separation. Sometimes, doing the right thing definitely doesn’t mean doing the easy thing but it sounds like you’re confident in your decision and I’m sure that will serve you well further down the line, as you make peace with the end of that relationship and begin this next chapter of your life.
I know it’s a big fat cliché but time is your healing friend. Whenever we go through any kind of hardship whether it be grief, a breakup or a period of upheaval, it’s going to take some time to adjust. Yes, you made the decision to separate but that doesn’t mean you’re not entitled to go through the motions. Breakups are messy, hard and complicated beasts, no matter how ‘ready’ you were to make that decision. I wish there was a fast-track course you could take to get you to that happy place asap but it’s just one of those things that takes time and patience. This new chapter of your life is going to feel just that: new, different, daunting even, and that’s ok. You will get there in time and you’ll learn to love the freedom that comes with starfishing in your bed, having a bloody good shag no string attached (when you’re ready of that!) and answering only to yourself. Often when we’re in relationships, we can neglect the things that make us happy so spend a bit of time reconnecting with the things in life that bring you pure joy. Be selfish for a while! This is YOUR time. Make loads of plans, book dinners out with your friends instead of dreading eating alone, stay busy, say yes to anything you would have previously said no to because you were in a committed relationship and had to plan your weekends around someone else.
It’s certainly not an easy process but be patient with your emotions and feel every part of it. This isn’t a step you can skip or rush and actually turning up and being present with your feelings of loneliness is an achievement in itself. Even if it doesn’t feel like you’re truly living at the moment, life is happening right now in this little stop-gap; don’t wish it away or try to get away from it. Everything you’re feeling right now is preparing you for this onward journey and what’s next for you. Sending you love!
Charlotte
Hi anon,
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through such a big life change and upheaval at the moment- even when it’s your decision it still rocks the boat and can feel so overwhelming. I have recently come out of a 5-year relationship and have also never been an adult without him by my side so I understand how you feel 10000%. Lockdown has been an incredibly isolating time in general, and I imagine the feelings you’re experiencing now might be intensified by the underlying emotions of the lack of connection and yearning for ‘normality’ that we’re all seeking. 2020 is a challenging ol’ year for every part of life so please don’t be too hard on yourself during this adjustment period.
I think it’s important to recognise and accept that things probably won’t feel normal or good or safe for a while, but that’s okay. Even if a relationship has its bad parts, it is SO normal to look back and miss the little things that once felt like second nature. But make sure to remind yourself of the reason for the split and how prioritising your happiness long term will always be more important and valuable than the temporary discomfort in spending time alone. Some of us are sociable and outgoing people by nature and having ‘your person’ by your side is such a comfort, but you were an individual before this relationship and will be an individual on the other side too- you just need to reconnect with the idea that you are your own biggest priority and getting to know you for who you really are on your own takes time.
Something that’s been difficult for me but so necessary has been seeing as many friends and family as possible (in a socially distanced environment) to act a distraction. My dad stayed with me during the first weekend that it happened so I didn’t have time to rehash the same thought processes 200 times, and since then I’ve just had to throw myself into seeing friends or working to keep my mind as busy as possible. Even if you see a friend and all you do is cry or sit in silence and watch a film, having the presence of someone else around you will be so comforting. It’s not a permanent solution, but is there someone in your life that might be able to stay with you for a while or be on hand when you really need another presence in the house? Eventually, you will find you need them less and less, but adapting to the idea of being alone is so hard, and I recommend getting all the help you possibly can from loved ones to make it as bearable as possible.
I’ve also gone back and forth over the idea of a rebound but it’s so hard to judge what might help vs what may leave you feeling worse. I would say there are probably healthier coping mechanisms you could use in this scenario that wouldn’t result in the same potential emotional effect this may have on you, but everyone is so different and perhaps being surrounded by others in this way will quash the loneliness until you’re able to confidently spend time alone with yourself.
No one is expecting you to be okay in this scenario right away, so please give yourself the time you need to go through the stages of grief that come from someone exiting your life. Reaffirm to yourself daily (or even hourly if needs be!) that these feelings are temporary, however overwhelming they may feel now. Humans are creators of habit and disruption to your routine in any context throws many of us off balance, the key is to trust that you will find a new normal that will eventually serve you better than a relationship which isn’t right.
Best of luck and sending so much love your way xxx
Maddie
Thank you for having the courage to send your question in. I’m so sorry you’re going through such a rubbish breakup. I’ve been there and it really is so horrible to be left with unanswered questions and emotions for a person who’s no longer willing to take part in the conversation. Firstly can I just say how awful it is that not only you were dumped by text after two years together but on your anniversary too. What a douchebag. I’m sure you’ve been told this by all of the people who love you but please trust me, you deserve SO much better than that. No matter what his reasons were he took the cowards way out and it sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. I know the saying goes “distance makes the heart grow fonder” however in my experience it can actually do quite the opposite for some people. Some, unfortunately, choose the “out of sight, out of mind” approach and it sounds like the amount of physical distance you had in your relationship potentially contributed to it ending the way it did. It sounds like your ex is moving on and as hard as it is when you feel so hurt and confused by what happened my advice is for you to try to do the same. It doesn’t sound like you’re going to get anything productive out of him or that he’s going to say anything that’s going to make you feel better. This is not your fault and with time you will start to forget about him and feel so much better off, trust me. If he didn’t have the respect for you to communicate how he was feeling and end things like a mature adult then you really shouldn’t waste any more of your precious time thinking about him. I know it’s so much easier said than done but i assure you there will be a man out there who treats you a million times better in the future and you will realise this had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. I hope that helps and that you feel better really soon xx.
Charlotte
Hi anon.
UGH. I feel the frustration of this situation even just from reading your dilemma. I’ve just come out of a 5-year relationship which ended not by my choice so I completely understand where you’re coming from in feeling hurt and disrespected- it’s so hard to come to terms with but I hope it helps knowing there are lots of us in the same boat riding out this horrible wave together.
My break up is very fresh but from my experience, trying to get answers has only ended in tears (mine). It could be that your ex is being shady to cover his own back, or it could be that he thinks the explanation or reasoning would hurt you more if he told you the truth. I suppose in some ways it might be nice to know the whole story and to stop your mind running away with you, but maybe consider what answer you would be hoping for and if that would actually make you feel any better in the long run. My ex has been really unwilling to communicate too and I think sometimes leaving the situation rather than continuing in the pursuit of answers that aren’t going to come is the kindest thing you can do for yourself. Be the bigger and more mature person and try to accept that he doesn’t deserve how kind, compassionate and measured you are when he is behaving in the opposite fashion.
After the grieving period (which will take time but I promise will come), you will find a new sense of self-love that I hope will affirm to you that you deserve SO much better. Closure is hard to come by, but from my experience, even the process of chasing for answers and having some idea of the reasoning hasn’t provided any closure because it’s still far too raw. I think closure is something that comes with time and a feeling you find within yourself and not from someone else- especially someone who doesn’t deserve any more of your time or care.
I’ve started writing down my feelings in the notes on my phone or even sending the emotional/angry/sad messages I want to send to my ex to friends instead. I think in the long run you will appreciate a clean break rather than muddying the waters with more contact and opening the wound to more hurt. I know it feels so unfair but I think focusing on the future rather than the confusion of the past will pave the way for you to be much happier.
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this but please know you will be stronger, happier and more resilient as a result and you have a wonderfully bright future ahead of you. Sending so much love!
Char xxx
Darcey
Hi Anon,
COVID is a super tricky time for everyone and I can understand why it’s so frustrating not being able to stay at your boyfriend’s house or see him as often as you would like. Especially as you moved into this new flat as lockdown began, it’s a lot of new things to deal with!
Now, this is tricky with your flatmates, as I can see from their point of view, but I can also see the situation from yours too. I understand your flatmates not wanting you to stay at your boyfriend’s, especially if they don’t know him and therefore don’t know who else he is mixing with. I think many people in relationships are facing this same battle of not living with their partners and therefore not being able to stay overnight with them.
However, I think it’s unfair for your flatmates to say categorically you cannot meet with him at all, as I am sure they are all meeting their friends still whether that’s outside or inside. Now I know as you are in a relationship, they are probably worried about the physical contact side; kissing, hugging, etc. But not allowing you to see him at all is unrealistic and not considering your feelings too.
I think you should ask to sit down with them and have a proper chat with them about it all and find some sort of compromise. Living in a hostile environment is the last thing you want so I think just ignoring their feelings and staying at his could end badly, however as your flatmates I don’t think they have the right to dictate your relationship so closely.
Maybe suggest that you won’t stay at his until things get better with COVID, but that you will still be meeting him outside or in controlled environments (restaurants, pubs, cinemas, etc) as it is unfair that you cannot see your partner at all. Assure them again that you will be socially distancing and that you understand their feelings towards it too and therefore want to find a happy medium.
I hope that helps! xxx
Danielle
I’m going to keep this short and sweet as I feel like COVID is such a weird and unprecedented situation that none of us is an expert in! Basically I think you should just focus on you and what you want to do as long as you’re not breaking the rules. At the moment you are more than welcome to see your BF as long as there isn’t more than 5 of him, ha! A lot of people have A LOT of opinions and usually, they’re coming from a place of fear. No one has the answers but as long as you’re being respectful enough your friends need to just understand that there are four of you living together with different lives and you can’t be scared to go out and see others forever. The more you see him the more they’ll just have to get used to it. Fingers crossed they get over it (and themselves) and it doesn’t ruin your friendship, and if it does they’re not friends worth keeping anyway.
Lareese
Firstly, does anyone actually enjoy presentations? Show of hands… I think I speak on behalf of everyone when I say they are a horrendous and pointless form of human suffering, haha. So, you’re definitely not alone! I guess that in itself should put your mind at rest a little bit – knowing that everyone else is just as nervous as you are.
I remember doing a presentation at uni and coming out in an awful stress rash all up my neck and over my chest. It’s still etched in my memory now. For as long as I can remember I have absolutely hated presentations and I can’t really put my finger on why that is. I think it’s the thought of taking charge of a room and commanding an audience. Like you, I’d be completely comfortable chatting with a big friendship group or networking with strangers at an event but when it comes to public speaking, I just freeze. I think we tend to get wrapped up in what everyone’s thinking of us when we’re stood up the front, when in reality, they’re probably not even listening at all, let’s be real here.
There are a few practical things you can do to help prepare your body and mind for a presentation. Primarily, rehearsing your script and knowing your subject well will give you the best possible chance of smashing your presentation. Having an outline to follow and fall back on will help you stay on track if you suddenly lose focus or feel overwhelmed. Speaking to yourself in the mirror or recording your presentation on your phone can also really help get you used to hearing your ‘presenting’ voice. The more prepared you are, the more in control and confident you’ll feel on the day. Visit the classroom you’ll be presenting in for a run-through beforehand if possible, this will eliminate any fears about where to stand, where you can plug your laptop in if you’re delivering a PowerPoint presentation or even where to put your water. Lots of people say picturing the audience naked helps… (or other visualisation techniques) – it helps you to get out of your own head. You can also try exercising before your presentation whether that’s a gentle jog or some stretches and breathing techniques to ease the tension in your body. Someone else also told me to wear a hairband on my wrist to flick beforehand, apparently, it helps to take away any tension or nervous energy!
If it’s something you continue to struggle with, you can also look for short-term therapy such as CBT to help you learn how to manage and reduce your anxiety. Good luck lovely – you can do this! xx
Darcey
Hi Anon!
You are certainly not alone in hating presentations; I think many people find them really stressful or anxiety-inducing. Even your classmates who look as cool as a cucumber up there presenting, I’m sure if you asked them how they felt, many would say they felt anxious or worried when presenting to the class.
I remember at University hating presenting, I found them really stressful and would get waves of anxiety before presenting, my hands would shake, and I would catastrophise, envisioning all of the ways it could go wrong. When I actually got up to present, I would feel my voice wobble and see my hands shaking and think “everyone can see how nervous I am this is a disaster”. But when I asked my fellow classmates “could you tell I was nervous” every time they would say no and I would still get good marks, so something must have been going right!
Anxiety is a healthy emotion and it can show that we care too, so your anxiety around presenting is probably partly because you want to do well. However, if it begins to stop you presenting at all due to the utter fear you feel, that’s when you might want to look into CBT to break down why you feel so scared about presenting.
I felt the exact same as you and although I have anxiety around presenting, these little things have helped me feel more comfortable beforehand and while presenting. Firstly; practice, practice and practice! Knowing your presentation inside and out will make you feel way more confident. Practice it in front of friends and family, in your mirror, to your pet dog. The better you know it, the better you will feel. Making little cards too which prompt you on what to say are great, keynote is fabulous if you have an iPhone and its compatible with your school’s software as it allows you to make notes which you can read off of your phone will presenting. If not little notes on pieces of card is just as good! I also would practice my breathing beforehand, breathe in for 6, and out for 6, this will help regulate your breathing and reduce anxiety.
You are going to smash this year at school and please don’t worry that your fear of presenting could hold you back, I promise you it won’t. Presenting will get easier the more you practice and if it doesn’t you have options to help you overcome that fear. Wishing you all the best in the future! xxx
Danielle
Hey Anon, thanks so much writing in with this, I’m so sorry you’re going through this and feel like you’ve lost such a close friend. I feel like one of the areas we’re still super behind on is male and female friendships. Obviously, I understand the complications and the jealousy aspect but it’s interesting how much more acceptable same-sex friendships, then friendships with two people from different sexes especially if they’re both straight. There is a lot of different angles here including your partner’s, your friend’s, and your friend’s girlfriend, and if I’m honest I can kind of see everyone’s point of view. It’s a shame your ‘ex’s’ new girlfriend is being so strict about him cutting ties with you to the extent she has, and if I’m honest the lack of trust there is a massive red flag but essentially that’s none of our business. Unfortunately, he has decided to pick her over you, and the best thing for you to do at this point is to be patient and hope that he comes to his senses, OR she feels comfortable enough in the future to let him have a relationship with you. As he’s such a good friend I would just have to respect his decision and give the situation some space as hard as that sounds. Good luck! x
Zoe
Well, this ROYALLY SUCKS. As an outsider looking in, I can see that this is such a complex situation for all involved and there are certainly a lot of feelings flying about. Unfortunately, a lot of situations similar to that of you and your best friend are really romanticised in films and tv series. “BOY MEETS GIRL, THEY BECOME FRIENDS, THEY BECOME MORE, IT DOESN’T WORK. THEY SPLIT. THEY’RE FRIENDS AGAIN. REPEAT”, however, they usually continue to have feelings for each other (Ross & Rachel, Marianne and Connell) and it’s not that often that heterosexual male and female friendships are portrayed as anything else. This is a shame, and something I’d love to see more of on my tv screen! I don’t know why your friend’s girlfriend doesn’t trust him, which if I was him would be a serious red flag at the beginning of the relationship, but it’s unfair that it has meant you can’t continue to be friends. All he can really do is show her that there is nothing to be worried about, although it doesn’t sound like he was really given that opportunity which is a shame. It really shouldn’t make any difference that your friendship is not a same-sex one! All you can really do at this point is sit back and hope that your friend has a good long hard think about where his loyalty lies and that eventually he misses your friendship and comes running. (although I wouldn’t suggest waiting with open arms, he will certainly owe you an explanation as the trust between you both has also been shattered somewhat) Don’t let this be a reflection on you as a friend though, this is someone else’s insecurities being projected onto you. Go and live your best life with your other friends who appreciate you and love you! Good Luck!! x
Maddie
Thanks so much for writing in to us, I’m really sorry to hear your relationship with your grandma is being affected because of your sexuality. As I don’t know your relationship and how things were when you were growing up or what your she is like generally I’m going to have to make a few assumptions but I think something that will go without saying is that your grandma will love you very much and her reaction is likely to be largely down to her fears for you and her desire for you to live a happy life. Unfortunately, it really sounds like there is a big generational divide here when it comes to what constitutes a normal happy relationship and the chances are your grandma has never had a gay person in her life before so she will probably need to completely re-learn everything she thinks she knows. As awkward as it might be I think the best thing to do in this situation is communicated and if you’re feeling like you want to check in on her you should. I don’t think this is the sort of thing that should be swept under the rug and never spoken about but it’s going to be up to you to educate her and reassure her that you are happy and being who you are is what is going to make you happiest person you can be. I’m sure it’s not something that will change overnight as grandparents do tend to be stuck in their ways from my experience however if you gradually make the effort and listen to her too I’m sure you can go back to having a really close relationship again. Above all don’t ever feel like you shouldn’t be who you are as at the end of the day if your grandma can’t accept who you are then that will be her loss. I hope it doesn’t come to that and she can come around. Please do keep us posted with how things go x.
Darcey
Hi Anon,
I’m really sorry you are having to deal with all of this, and it sounds like a really stressful situation to be in. I’m sorry you have seen a distance from your Grandma ever since she found out about your sexuality, that must be so hard as you are just living as your authentic self and you shouldn’t have to hide that to make your Grandma or anyone happy.
From the sounds of things, this is probably a generational issue, especially as your Grandma fears you’ll be bullied due to your sexuality. Which like you said, back in her day people did have less freedom in expressing their sexuality and she probably finds it hard to disassociate that from the present day.
I think contacting your Grandma would be a great idea, I know there are tensions still from her ruining your birthday meal which I’m sure you would like an apology for. Would it be worth maybe asking for one and telling her again how it’s all making you feel? Reiterating with her that you are in a happy and healthy relationship, with a woman who cares greatly for you, and that you aren’t experiencing any judgement from anyone except from her. I wonder if her hearing this all again from you would make her rethink how she’s viewing it if she sees just how much this is all upsetting you.
I also don’t want you to have to explain your sexuality and identity repeatedly to anyone, whether they are family or a stranger, you shouldn’t have to justify how you want to live your life to anyone. So, if your Grandma can’t accept who you and is happy losing a relationship over it, it’s really her loss. I hope it doesn’t come to that and I really hope you can work it out with her as I can tell you really care about her, but there is only so much you can do.
Sending you lots of hugs and wishing you all the best in the future xxx
24 Seriously Stylish ‘In-Between’ Days Clothes For The New Season
Are you feeling ready for Autumn, but the weather forecast screams heatwave, whilst also already dreaming of your Christmas morning bucks fizz and mince pie? Same.
Are you feeling ready for Autumn, but the weather forecast screams heatwave, whilst also already dreaming of your Christmas morning bucks fizz and mince pie? Same. The transition from one season to another can be a tricky styling situ, with plenty of ‘can I get away without a coat’ dances at the door as you deliberate your outfit choice for the 24035th time before leaving the house …
To get the most out of your wardrobe all year round, layering, layering and layering some more is the most effective way to get more bang for your buck and utilise the pieces you know and love. Intersperse with new trend items or a few ‘must-have’ pieces that you simply can’t leave behind and you’re well on your way to nailing the midseason fashion period.
Go bare legs with a jumper, sandals but with dungarees and tee shirts with boots and enjoy the few occasions in a year that all your favourite pieces work together.
Let’s Talk About Female Pleasure: A Beginner’s Guide to Masturbation
Women like to masturbate. There, the secret’s out. Burn us at the stake. And you know what, some of us even watch porn. Audible gasp. For some reason, female self-pleasure doesn’t seem to get the same air time as male self-pleasure.
Women like to masturbate. There, the secret’s out. Burn us at the stake. And you know what, some of us even watch porn. Audible gasp. For some reason, female self-pleasure doesn’t seem to get the same air time as male self-pleasure.
Guys talk openly about tugging on their dicks on the daily and it’s a celebration of manhood, a cumming of age tale; but we talk about stroking our ‘flower’ and that’s taboo? Well, we don’t need to be Samantha Jones to call BS on that school of thought.
Female sexual wellbeing and gratification is a big beautiful deal and there is zero shame in wanting to experience that American Pie moment for yourself. If someone else can’t get you there, (hell even if they can get you there), touching yourself on the regular feels good and there’s no need to pussyfoot around that.
Flicking your bean, Jilling off, downstairs DJ-ing – whatever masturbation moniker you like to use is absolutely none of our business. As long as it gets you the euphoric orgasm you deserve once in a while!
So, whether you’re stuck in a rut and looking to try something different or wondering how to go solo with your sexual pleasure, here’s a beginner’s guide to masturbation. Because no one else can do you like you do you. Get out of your head and into your body
Easier said than done because let’s face it, the mind wanders onto ALL sorts when you’re trying to get in the mood. How many corgies DOES the Queen have? Why does tumbleweed tumble? So. Many. Mental. Blocks. In those moments, breathe through it, close your eyes and try to reconnect with your body. Put your phone on silent to eliminate any distractions. Take a bath to unwind, pick somewhere comfortable and zero in on the sensations. Mindfulness is your bezzie pal.
Let go of any pressure
We’re just gonna put it out there: the first time you masturbate, you probably won’t come and that’s more than ok. It’ll take some time to perfect your masturbation tekkers but you can still have plenty of feel-good fun in the meantime. Masturbation doesn’t have to be another thing you need to fail or accomplish. Just enjoy the ride!
Take your sweet time
Contrary to what most tv shows will have you believe, a very small minority of women actually climax from foreplay-less, P in the V sex – that is penetrative sex. Bish, bash, bosh, cue the mutual orgasm. Oh, PER-LEASE. We can’t go from zero to hero without an adequate warm-up, people. We need the intimate build-up if we’re to go full-on WAP mode. Nearly all our nerve endings are in the clitoris, suffice to say, that little hood is worthy of your full attention if you want to make it to that grand finale. Ain’t no hood like a clitoral hood.
Get in touch with your turn-ons
Whilst the vagina is pretty fundamental in all this, you don’t have to spend all your time there. Nipple stimulation and light strokes across your inner thighs, the nape of your neck or your belly can be just as arousing. Find out what makes you tick and do more of that. Knowledge is your superpower.
Make it a moment
Self-pleasure is the purest form of ‘you’ time, so don’t rush through it. It’s all in the build-up! Put as much care and thought into it as if you were getting ready for a date. Put on the slow jams, light the candles, pour yourself a glass of wine, moisturise your body, buy the silky overpriced pants. You’re worth it.
Try an A.M. session
Some people work out in the morning, some people eat porridge and some people touch themselves mmmk. We’re all wired differently and if a pre-work wank makes you tick, then you go get it girl. Nothing sets you up for the day like an A.M. session. Good MORNING, Britain.
Have fun!
Introducing a few playthings into the mix is a great way to shake up your masturbating technique. Personal massagers (aka sex toys), porn, certain positions, pillow humping, getting friendly with the showerhead – get to know the root to your orgasm like the back of your hand. The more familiar you get with the inner workings of your body, the better sex you will have. Period.
Make sure you’ve got time on your hands, literally
There’s no greater buzzkill than the food shop turning up before you’ve had a chance to hit the fanny jackpot. But hey, if a danger wank works for you, carry on. You do you!
Whether you're a lover of a tote, mini, clutch or shoulder bag, there's no denying that having the right selection of handbags in your repertoire can take an outfit from zero to hero in an instant.
Whether you’re a lover of a tote, mini, clutch or shoulder bag, there’s no denying that having the right selection of handbags in your repertoire can take an outfit from zero to hero in an instant.
Curating the perfect picks to match your look makes nailing your personal style a breeze.
You’ll find a chic and cool selection of classic, black ‘goes with everything’ picks this week, as well as some fun and flirty additions for those occasions you want to really make a statement. Curating the perfect picks to match your look makes nailing your personal style a breeze. Unlike our other favourite accessory (the humble shoe) handbags are pretty darn reliable no matter the weather, and also don’t depend on you having a perfect pedicure making them a winner in our book!
Click through to see the handbags giving us major heart eyes right now.
Charlotte
Ohh I LOVE a very Extra accessory (as you can see), so whilst they may not go with everything, they make up for in beauty what they may lack in versatility.
If we’re talking bags there will almost always be a tote thrown in there to house my extensive ‘must-haves’ (currently mask, hand san and headphones). For the evening I love a playful mini bag design! This gorgeous yin-yang design from Staud is a bit more mature in its look, but I’m also v into how playful the butterfly pearl bag from SkinnyDip is. Truly the definition of a bag for every mood!
I’ve picked 4 bags for 3 situations! First up is a classic day bag, perfect for work and weekend, a classic black crossbody from &OtherStories who always have a great accessory collection. Then a simple string shopper great for taking to the shops or beach or always having on you. Then my fave travel bag, a Longchamp tote, these are great as you can fit so much in, they go with every outfit and you can fold them up if you don’t use it whilst you’re away. The finally a snazzy Gucci investment evening bag that will be the perfect finishing touch to any outfit.
I never really stray from black when it comes to my handbag collection, not the most adventurous with colour but I just think black handbags look so sleek! If I’m off to a bar you can guarantee I’ll be wearing a 90’s style shoulder bag. If I’m feeling a bit extra I love a tiny handbag which virtually only fits your phone in, style over functionality! My go-to is normally a cross-body bag, goes with every outfit and is a solid fave. I think you always need an office bag too, work mode on and super practical. I like a tote which has a built-in laptop compartment, now that’s efficient!
The two bags I probably get the most use out of are these! The Gucci bag is obviously a much bigger and more considered purchase but I’ve worn it now for years and it’s still in great condition. I like the size of both these bags and the fact they can be worn over the shoulder (this is a must for me, I’m not really an arm handbag carrier). I also love the thickness of the strap on the other stories bag and this one fits a little more In it as it has more compartments!
I’m still in one big Summer m-o-o-d, holding onto the lighter evenings and soaking up the last of the heatwave. Hunting for shells is no longer limited to days at the beach, oh no. It’s part and parcel of my shopping behaviour now and I’m not even sorry because look at this beauty. Straw bags are the perfect accessory for a stroll down to the beach or an al fresco dinner, and when shaped like a shell, well, the world’s your oyster! For the casual days, I want something functional that I can throw on with anything, no matter the outfit, so I’ll reach for a crossbody.
Lately, the only bag that I need in my life is my little black Longchamp backpack. I’ve had it for years now and it still looks perfect. It’s super practical and although it’s a backpack it’s still semi-smart so you can wear it with pretty much anything. It’s great for when you just want to carelessly chuck loads of things you might need in to go for a walk or just out for the day, which if you have a dog like me, tends to consist mostly of a lot of treats, fold-up dog bowls, water and poo bags!
Fireside Fiction: 16 Cosy Books To Curl Up With This Autumn
Let’s set the scene: the woody candles are flickering away, there’s a steaming mug of hot chocolate just within reach and you’ve got nowhere else to be but here, leaving butt cheek imprints on the seat of your favourite arm chair.
On a rainy Autumn day, there’s no better feeling than hibernating indoors away from the elements with a blanket over your knees and a good book to boot.
Let’s set the scene: the woody candles are flickering away, there’s a steaming mug of hot chocolate just within reach and you’ve got nowhere else to be but here, leaving butt cheek imprints on the seat of your favourite armchair.
You might break to gnaw on a chocolate Hobnob here and there, stretch your legs, sniff your paperback (we know you do it) but other than that, you don’t intend to move from this reading nook right here.
From seasonal must reads full of heart and poignant observations, to beloved classics with their crumbling manor houses and 10/10 heroines, these are the cosy books chilly autumn days & evenings were made for.
What better way to kick off the cosy reading list than with a book rooted in Autumn? The first of four seasonal novels by Scottish author, Ali Smith, Autumn is a beautiful and nuanced exploration of our relationship with time; how we experience it and how we narrate it. Buy Autumn here.
If you like your fiction heartfelt and fanciful, look no further than The Snow Child. Set in 1920s Alaska and based on the old Russian fairy tale, Snegurochka, it tells the story of a couple who create a child out of snow.
The next morning the snow child is gone, but they catch sight of an elusive, blonde-haired girl running through the trees. The little girl, who calls herself Faina, seems to be a child of the woods. She hunts with a red fox at her side, skims lightly across the snow, and leaves blizzards in her wake. As Jack and Mabel struggle to understand this child who seems to have stepped from the pages of a fairy tale, they come to love her as their own daughter. But in the Alaska wilderness, life and death are inextricable, and what they eventually learn about Faina changes their lives forever. Buy The Snow Child here.
If you don’t have time to sink your teeth into a novel then tuck into one of Zadie Smith’s incredible short stories from her book Grand Union. Mostly based in New York the book is packed full of 19 different narratives you might find yourself as an artist in ‘Downtown’ or a drag queen in ‘Miss Adele Amidst the Corsets’. Buy Grand Union here.
Like a comforting cup of tea in book form, The Switch is the warm and fuzzy tale we all need in these turbulent times (aka 2020 as a whole). Bursting with heart, warmth and unruly OAPs, it will have you howling with laughter one minute and welling up with happy tears the next. Buy The Switch here.
When Lizzy finds herself unexpectedly single, her whole life is flipped upside down but through the heartbreak and tears, she sees an opportunity to discover who she really is. It’s a joyful reminder that happiness can be found where you least expect it. Buy Some Kind of Wonderful here.
Hunker down for the night with Louisa May Allcott’s timeless and teary classic. The March sisters will fill your heart with warmth but also rip it out a tiny bit. Cryers, you have been warned. Buy Little Women here.
Agreeing to go to a wedding with a guy she gets stuck in a lift with isn’t something Alexa Monroe would normally do, but there’s something about Drew Nichols that’s too hard to resist…
If you’re looking for a feel-good rom-com you can read instead of watch, RSVP to The Wedding Date, asap. Buy The Wedding Date here.
A richly imagined, genre-defying love story, laced with bookbinding magic and unforgettable characters. This is a booklover’s dream! PS look at that enchanting cover, it’s crying out to be top of your Autumn stack. Buy The Binding here.
Nothing says cosy quite like knitting and in this adorable romance Jesse and his brother struggle after the loss of their mother Mama Joy and the knitting shop she has left behind. Whilst fighting to keep the store open Jesse finds himself becoming more and more attracted to one of his employees Kerry, didn’t we tell you this story was adorable? Buy Real Men Knit here.
On a beautifully restored barge on the Seine, Jean Perdu runs a bookshop; or rather a ‘literary apothecary’, for this bookseller possesses a rare gift for sensing which books will soothe the troubled souls of his customers. A delightful book you’ll want to savour cover to cover in one sitting rather than grabbing quick snatches here and there. Buy The Little Paris Bookshop here.
When the wind’s bleating against the windows, you can’t beat staying up way past midnight in the glow of your bedside lamp with a bit of Austen for company. This classic tale of romance and passion never gets old. Buy Pride & Prejudice here.
Weepie wartime fiction at its best. Plus, it brings back all the nostalgia of reading this at primary school. Evening made! Buy Goodnight Mister Tom here.
Fall in love with chronically ill computer-obsessed Chloe Brown, as she creates a checklist to officially help her “get a life.” Throw in the perfect tattooed handyman artist and you’ve got yourself a bestseller from Talia Hibbert. Get comfy as you’ll want to gobble this one up in one sitting. Buy Get a Life, Chloe Brow here.
Sometimes, we just need to indulge in an undemanding book and the latest novel from Salley Vickers fits the bill nicely. A tender portrait of the bond between grandmothers and their grandchildren, it’s the soothing Autumn read we all need right now. Buy Grandmothers here.
What even is Autumn without this du Maurier fireside treat? Atmospheric, gothic and oozing with suspense, whiling away the hours inside the eerie walls at Manderley House is time well spent indeed. Buy Rebecca here.
The book centres around the titular, Olive, a child-free by choice protagonist. Novel idea, huh! It shouldn't be the case but it is and Gannon definitely spotted a gap in the market to have this necessary & nuanced conversation.
For August’s book club, we had the pleasure of reading Olive, the hotly-anticipated novel by Sunday Times Author, Journalist & Podcaster, Emma Gannon.
After several best-selling non-fiction books Ctr, Alt, Delete, The Multi-Hyphen Method and The Multi-Hyphen Life, Olive is Gannon’s fiction debut.
The book centres around the titular, Olive, a child-free by choice protagonist. Novel idea, huh! It shouldn’t be the case but it is and Gannon definitely spotted a gap in the market to have this necessary & nuanced conversation.
Despite this being an underlying theme of the book, it doesn’t just speak to the women who don’t want to have children. Olive is a warm and honest story that has female friendship at its core. It explores the ebb and flow of female friendship as we age and how it evolves when we’re catapulted into making life changing decisions about our careers, motherhood and marriage.
OLIVE is many things. Independent. Adrift. Anxious. Loyal. Kind. She knows her own mind. And it’s ok that she’s still figuring it all out, navigating her world without a compass. But life comes with expectations, there are choices to be made and – sometimes – stereotypes to fulfil. So when her best friends’ lives branch away towards marriage and motherhood, leaving the path they’ve always followed together, she starts to question her choices – because life according to Olive looks a little bit different.
Find out how the team got on with this Gannon gem!
Darcey
I absolutely LOVED reading Olive. I straight away felt so connected with the main character Olive, I felt a lot of compassion for her as she navigated her recent breakup and the disconnect she felt from her close friends who were either pregnant, had children or were trying for a child. This book really delves into the social construct that all women are expected to want children and if they don’t, something must be wrong with them or they will ultimately change their mind. As a woman who isn’t particularly maternal and has also never really felt the “buzz” of starting a family one day like some of my friends have since the age of 16, I could really see myself in Olive. This book really explores the issues women face, whether they want children or not, whether they can have children or not. Olive is so honest and real, showing how friendships can begin to break down when everyone grows up and starts wanting different things. How navigating adult life can be so difficult, especially when you aren’t hitting the ‘expected milestones’, which can make someone feel so isolated. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and absolutely loved the ending which gave a peek into Olive and her friend’s futures, would definitely recommend!
Rating: 4/5
Would you recommend?: Yes
Lareese
I flew through this in a matter of days. The exploration of messy and complicated female friendship is nuanced and honest, and I found that SO refreshing to read. I love that Olive, a woman in her 30s and fresh out of a nine-year relationship, is very much a character who’s still figuring life out and unapologetic about it, even if it does leave her feeling out the loop sometimes. Her friends Bea, Isla and Cec are in very different places, navigating motherhood in all its myriad forms, whilst Olive doesn’t want to have children (and no it’s not just a ‘phase’). The pressure to get married, have children and complete all those milestones society tells us we, as women, have to tick off to be happy comes under examination in this novel and Emma Gannon handles the topic with aplomb. Women can feel fulfilment and love in so many different ways, and what we choose to do with our ovaries should never be up for debate. I’ve no doubt Olive has given countless women a voice to be reckoned with.
Rating: 4/5
Would you recommend: Yes
Danielle
It felt like I swallowed Olive in one sitting I consumed it so quickly. I knew from the first chapter that described the morning after the night before at University that I was going to adore this book because it was like reading an excerpt from my own life. Being in your late 20’s and 30’s is a constant barrage of baby talk and I’m so glad Emma chose this as a topic to centre her book around as it really doesn’t get spoken about enough. There are so many different angles when it comes to having children and the 4 women in the book represented different aspects of this. The characters were written so well, they felt like real humans that you could be annoyed at on one page but forgive them three pages later, and you could feel those important bonds between them constantly. I loved Olive’s journey of discovery and I think so many people that find themselves in a similar situation will be truly comforted by this book. Do give it a read even if you’re not in the “having babies” phase because it’s so much more than that.
Rating 5/5
Would 100% recommend
Zoe
I already adore Emma Gannon’s writing style though reading her non-fiction books, so I was excited to read her first fiction and after whizzing through the first few pages of this, I was instantly hooked. Her characters are so well developed and her descriptions so real you feel as though you’re the fifth friend in the group. The book follows Olive, the child-free by choice protagonist and having never read a character who is childfree by choice in any literature before this, it felt very new and needed! I found it so interesting and had some really great conversations off the back of it. Although this is certainly a main theme of the book, that isn’t all this book is centred around. Olive is a real and relevant story that has female friendship at the heart of it, following Olive and her friends as they navigate their adult lives. I think Olive as a character will be so refreshing and reassuring to a lot of people who read this. Society often makes us feel as though we need to tick life boxes at a certain age, and this book breaks a lot of this down. I bloody loved Olive, it was such a digestible, warming and modern tale that I could not put down!
5/5
Would you recommend? YES
Charlotte
Although it took me a little while to warm to some of the characters in this book, I finished Olive feeling such empathy towards the women at the centre of the story and the unique struggles that come with having children (or not, more to the point), relationships, careers and everything in between.
I’m usually drawn to novels more lighthearted in their themes, but actually this realistic tale was exactly what I needed in 2020- something that showed a less perfect adaption of life as a woman. It affirmed for me that the choices we make and different destinations we arrive at are always valid, even when they differ from those closest to us. Olive was refreshing and raw and served as a much-needed reminder that finding joy from decisions that don’t follow the crowd tend to be the most rewarding.
