Fashion and wellness coach Karen Williams tells us all about her year, styling celebrities, her journey to TV and how to find your fabulous!
First of all, how are you and how are you coping in 2020?
I’m actually coping pretty well. 2020 has been a year of trials, tribulations and triumphs!
Talk us through what your day looks like as a fashion and wellness coach?
Every day is different as there are lots of different aspects to what I do now, but I could be doing online wardrobe detox’s and empowering sessions online with clients through my website karenwilliamstylist.com. Shopping for clients, or styling up and making fashion edits for brands and magazines.
What did your career progression look like?
I started off doing work experience at all the big fashion magazines. I progressed to a fashion and beauty editor in print but always dabbled in tv. I then went on to be a freelance fashion stylist styling celebs and working for brands.
What’s the best think about styling celebrities?
I don’t think of celebrities as celebrities anymore. I see everyone as people. We all have blood running through our veins and all breath air. This year has proved that.
Can you tell us all about how your TV show 100% Hotter came to be?
I got an email one Monday evening whilst cooking spaghetti bolognese for my twins from a production company asking me to come in for a screen test. I went for the screen test on the Wednesday and by the Friday I was filming. We filmed 60 odd shows – I learnt so much about myself and the people in general that I was making over.
What are your top rules for finding your style?
I would say go with what you love and wear your clothes with confidence. Own your style and it will all fall in to place one way or another – as long as you’re happy!
What would you say is your biggest achievement to date?
My biggest achievement to date is my twin boys, they are incredible and a blessing.
What are you currently working on?
I’m very busy at the moment, living, working and building my KW brand, It’s all about helping you and me to be as fabulous as we can be, doing it in our own way, no matter what your story is #findyourfabulous
Who are some of your favourite fashion follows online?
I’d have to say Topshop. The Editor in Chief of Marie-Claire told me if you crack it with Topshop you’ve made it haha! Mum, I’ve made it!
What do you always carry with you?
I always have my phone – obviously, my bank card, keys and now my Dior face mask.
What does your perfect weekend look like?
Well, my perfect lockdown weekend would be chilling out with the fam, working out, meditating and making Eastern Standard cocktails. Out of lockdown would be pretty much the same but with cinema, restaurants and dancing thrown in.
If you could only eat one meal again what would it be?
Oh it would have to be some sort of Caribbean dish – it’s my favourite.
If you could give one positive message to our followers what would it be?
Don’t overthink stuff – don’t let anyone derail you and it’s never too late to start. Just start – live your best life – you are worthy
Each bite is like a little parcel of Yuletide jubilation for your mouth, stuffed with oozy mozzarella and brushed with a melted butter, garlic, basil and parsley glaze and dusted with sharp, nutty parmesan.
Once you’ve tried this tear ‘n’ share Christmas tree bread, no other bread will do. It seems tree-shaped pizza is the only kind that matters.
This simple garlic dough ball recipe is the ultimate Christmas crowd-pleaser and takes just 40 minutes to make, so you can be back playing Charades in no time.
Each bite is like a little parcel of Yuletide jubilation for your mouth, stuffed with oozy mozzarella and brushed with a melted butter, garlic, basil and parsley glaze and dusted with sharp, nutty parmesan.
Let the butter dribble down your chin and let the parsley wedge itself between your teeth for days – this is the top-tier holiday appetizer you need in your life.
SERVES 6-8
PREP:
45 MINS COOK:
20 MINS
EASY
INGREDIENTS
Ingredients
400g pizza dough
Mozzarella
Parsley
100g butter
2 cloves garlic
Basil
100g parmesan
1 egg
Passata for dipping
Preheat oven to 230°C. Line a large baking sheet with baking paper.
Cut your mozzarella into 1” pieces and set aside.
Finely chop your parsley and basil and set aside.
Crush your garlic and set aside.
On a floured surface, divide your pizza dough into two pieces.
Stretch and roll each piece of dough into a long rectangle, then cut dough into 2” squares. You’ll need to work out how many pieces you’ll need to make your tree, we went for 33.
Wrap a dough square around each piece of mozzarella, forming a tightly sealed ball.
Place balls seam-side down on the baking sheet in the shape of a Christmas tree make sure they’re touching.
Beat your egg and brush the egg wash on the dough balls.
Melt your butter in a small bowl and add your finely chopped herbs and crushed garlic, brush this on to the dough balls.
Grate your parmesan and sprinkle this on to your dough balls.
Bake until golden, 15 – 20 minutes.
Serve straight from the over with warm passata for dipping!
Christmas jumpers may at first appear a novelty item you could go without, but there is a lot of joy to be found in excess amounts of glitter, festive slogans and green and red colour palettes.
Ho ho ho, is anyone else feeling SO READY FOR CHRISTMAS RN?! Team Zoella are a pretty festive bunch, and this week’s edit is one for any of you also feeling all the Christmas love at the moment, because it truly is the most wonderful time of the year! Christmas jumpers may at first appear a novelty item you could go without, but there is a lot of joy to be found in excess amounts of glitter, festive slogans and green and red colour palettes. Kitsch or classic depending on what floats your boat, these fun and flirty additions to your wardrobe are sure to add a smile to your face and some festive joy to your heart to help combat the chill of December days.
And although they might get a short window of wear per year, there’s no doubt you’ll bring them out season after season and continue to reap the rewards of a 10/10 piece of knitwear to add to your collection.
Let us know which Xmas jumper you’ll be wearing this season!
Charlotte
If there’s ever a time for novelty fun, it’s now! I actually only own one Christmas jumper which gets brought out once a year, but 2020 feels like the time to really grow this collection and cheer up the month of December. I’ve gone for a mix of fun and cheesy designs as well as some classic knitwear which gives me all the Chalet Girl vibes. Can’t wait to put one on and decorate my flat top to bottom!
I reckon tackier the better when it comes to Christmas Jumpers. If you’re going to buy something you can only wear once a year, might as well make the most of it. And what can I say 100% I’ll be doing every festive season? Watching Strictly! So this jumper actually couldn’t be better. Then throw in a few extras just to make sure I have a new one for every occasion.
I’ve got quite a few cheesy Christmas jumpers so I’ve picked some that I’d actually enjoy wearing, which are a little ‘chicer’ as it were. First, from Monki love the jersey sweatshirt vibe with a tiny nod to Christmas in the form of a snowman. LOVE this All Saints number and it’s perfectly festive without being garish. Lastly, I’m enjoying these post-war 40s knits that keep making an appearance, not that Christmassy but they are slightly Fairisle style which works!
Knitwear is my favourite thing to buy – I live in jumpers, cardigans and layers so you bet I’m going to be climbing into a kitsch knit or two this Christmas. The roomier the better because I’m not holding back on the mine pie merriment this year. I’ve gone for a mix of stylish and novelty but the David Attenborough one has my HEART.
I love me a Christmas jumper and especially a novelty one! I am obsessed with the dancing Santa crewneck from New Girl, I mean who doesn’t want a Santa pole dancing on their jumper for Christmas? I have also found a very cute Snoopy knit from M&S, couldn’t resist it! I’ve also included a classic, more chic Christmas jumper, with the fair isle style. Probably more wearable, but as we are spending more time at home go as crazy as you want I think!
I’m here to represent all the mums to be who have a bump to think about when picking their Christmas jumpers this year. Just because we may feel like a Christmas pudding or a stuffed turkey doesn’t mean we have to look like one (although that sort of sounds amazing!) Here are some of the nicest knits I’ve found!
November Book Club 2020: The Magpie Society By Amy McCulloch & Zoe Sugg
If you’re a fan of Harry Potter, Pretty Little Liars and Broadchurch, consider The Magpie Society your new literary obsession.
For our penultimate book club pick of the year, we read The Magpie Society: One For Sorrow, the first instalment in the murder mystery series co-written by Amy McCulloch and Zoella founder, Zoe Sugg.
If you’re a fan of Harry Potter, Pretty Little Liars and Broadchurch, consider The Magpie Society your new literary obsession.
Illumen Hall is a boarding school of tradition and achievement.
But tragedy strikes when the body of a student is discovered on the beach – and on her back is an elaborate tattoo of a magpie.
For new student Audrey, it is just another strange and unsettling thing about her new surroundings, along with the secrets the school seems to hide and its weird obsession with magpies. For her roommate Ivy, the death of her friend Lola is just one thing she desperately wants to get past – and having a new student asking questions and cluttering up her personal space is not helping a bit.
But the two girls are forced into an unlikely alliance when a mysterious podcast airs, with one sinister headline:
I KNOW WHO KILLED LOLA. AND ONE OF YOU IS NEXT.
Find out how the team got on with the first nail-biting page turner of the series!
Lareese
I love a good whodunnit mystery and The Magpie Society certainly delivered the goods – even if the cliffhanger was beautifully frustrating.
The podcast dialogue was brilliantly crafted (all the Riverdale vibes) and the transition between Audrey and Ivy’s dual narration is seamless. You would never know it was written by two different authors, which blows my mind. It’s utterly masterful.
As well as the two protagonists, I also LOVED the secondary characters, particularly Clover and Araminta.
I know how much both authors poured their heart and soul into this book, and to finally get to read it was a real 2020 highlight. Tension, atmosphere, secret-society intrigue, teenage angst – One For Sorrow has it in spades. I can’t wait for the next instalment!
Would you read again? Oh, in a freaking heartbeat!
Recommend: 5/5 (OBVS!)
Maddie
I was always going to love this book given how involved I’ve been in the behind the scenes, watching Zoe and Amy work so hard on this idea for years has been so exciting to be a part of and I’m thrilled so many people are loving it. That all being said, the early days brainstorms when the possibility of the Magpie Society was just an idea did not prepare me for the level of depth and story that Zoe and Amy have delved into to make it such an exciting page-turner. I love the characters so much and flip flop between who my favourites are constantly throughout the book. There is so much mystery that you only really just scratch the surface of before the haunting final scene which leaves you on a knife-edge wondering what happens next! Like everyone else who has read it, I CANNOT wait for the next book, I need to know what happens and who or what the Magpie Society is all about…
5/5 without a doubt
Holly
Young adult fiction is my favourite genre and one half of Magpie Society is written by one of my best friends so obviously I’m biased but I LOVED it! It’s written from 2 different character perspectives, Ivy and Audrey who are completely different personalities but both so relatable. This made it super easy to imagine being at Illumen Hall and I got so invested in the story instantly.
I loved that there were plot twists/you find stuff out all throughout the book, rather than leaving it to the last few chapters. It meant I was constantly wanting to read to see if anything would happen in the next chapter. The chapters are short and sweet which kept me up every night ‘just one more chapter’…
I cannot WAIT for the next book! I hope in the next book we get to know a bit more about the extra characters like Teddy, Harriet etc. Also, I know it’s necessary when its the first book in a series but how annoying to leave it on that much of a cliffhanger!
Would you recommend?
Obviously 100% yes
Charlotte
WELL THIS IS EXCITING! After seeing Zoe and Amy work on this project for such a long time I honestly couldn’t wait to get my teeth into this and delve into the world of Illumen Hall for myself! I used to love reading books set in boarding schools when I was younger (and weirdly enough actually begged my parents to let me go to one, ha!) and the nostalgia of that backdrop instantly flooded back to me. Despite what might feel like a setting that has been popular in the world of fiction, there was something about Illumen Hall that felt eerie and unpredictable from the start. The perfect balance of sinister yet subtle makes for a page turning read, as you desperately make your way through its chapters following the twists and turns attentively. Each character was memorable and offered a different perspective to the story, and the alternating protagonists dynamic is something I’ve come to love within multiple books I’ve read this year! I’m not usually one for scary reading or watching, but I think I might be converted! Also: THAT CLIFFHANGER. I NEED MORE!
The Magpie Society was the PERFECT lockdown read for me, keeping me gripped and away from the temptation of endless TikTok scrolling. I feel so attached to the characters and their story, and honestly cannot wait for the next instalment!
5/5
Would you recommend? YES X100.
Danielle
This book has basically everything I look for when picking out a read. YA, female friendship, secret societies, murder mystery, a boarding school, and even romance sprinkled in! After seeing how hard Amy and Zoe worked on this I couldn’t wait to sink my teeth and even found myself delaying picking it up because I didn’t want to finish it (am I the only person who does this?!) But finish it I did and all I want to do now is read the next one. I LOVED the back and forth between the character perspectives as it really helped the book keep pace, so much of it was unpredictable and kept me guessing, there’s so much I could say but I don’t want to give it away…
5/5
Would you recommend? Absolutely I’ve already lent out my copy to my sister!
Darcey
Well blooming heck! That was absolutely brilliant. After seeing how hard Zoe and Amy have worked on this book I couldn’t wait to finally read it myself! I quite literally inhaled this book within a matter of days, every chapter just made me want to dive straight into the next. I usually don’t go for a YA read but I loved every minute of The Magpie Society and think I need to start picking up more YA reads in the future!
I loved how we got to go back and forth between Ivy and Audrey, I adored their friendship and seeing both of their perspectives throughout. They both worked seamlessly together and you would never know that they were written by two different authors, that in itself is bloody brilliant. The ending was a reallllll cliffhanger and makes me super excited for the next instalment! I can’t wait to find out more about The Magpie Society.
Since everything else has gone tits up this year, the pressure of cooking the perfect Christmas dinner and buying presents is off. We’ll be overjoyed with a plate of flaccid parsnips, a sack of oranges and a Christmas cracker sewing kit if it means we get to be with our families and friends.
And just like that, it’s the final countdown of 2020 and what a wild rotation round the sun it has been, lads.
Since everything else has gone tits up this year, the pressure of cooking the perfect Christmas dinner and buying presents is off. We’ll be overjoyed with a plate of flaccid parsnips, a sack of oranges and a Christmas cracker sewing kit if it means we get to be with our families and friends.
Bring on the delirious merriment! Here’s 20 things to do in December.
1. Stare into the abyss. We made it, guys!
2. Contemplate getting your presents sorted out nice and early…
3. But then get pleasantly distracted by Vernon Kay
4. Turn up fashionably late to the Zoom Christmas party, despite there being absolutely zero traffic in the hallway
5. Mourn all the merriment we should be having IRL – carol singers spluttering their forced joy over an actual AUDIENCE, gate crashing someone else’s office party, begging the ice rink steward to let you use a penguin, the list goes on
6. Get sucked into buying a supermarket Poinsettia. Must we be so weak for tacky botanicals every year?
7. Down your advent calendar in one go…
8. Safe in the knowledge that there’s absolutely nothing 2020 can do about it. Regret can’t sit with us!
9. Pretend to enjoy a mince pie. Lies taste a lot like old mulled fruit
10. Well-up at all the Christmas ads with their emotive pandemic messages. Who needs onions when you have Kevin the carrot?
11. Build up the courage to check your bank balance. Ghosting Monzo until further notice…
12. Start decanting various crisps into bowls and presenting them on your coffee table for no apparent reason
13. Light so many cinnamon scented candles that you’re approximately 2 flames away from holding a seance
14. Tell the kids The Elf On The Shelf is on furlough this year. Have a year off!
15. Watch all the trite Hallmark-esque movies Netflix has to offer – striving for that PB in movie marathoning
16. Silently judge any relative who doesn’t take the ritual of wearing paper crowns seriously. There’s always one.
17. Mentally prepare yourself for your love life to be the go-to topic of table-side small talk. The number of current boyfriends? Still going strong at zero, now would you just MOVE ON Auntie Jean
18. Have the best nap of your life. Monopoly feuds and gluttony = exhausting
19. Make a vow to eat nothing else for the rest of the festive season whilst removing the plastic seal from another tin of Quality Street
20. Sob uncontrollably at the Queen’s speech. Liz KNOWS.
Budget to bougie: Gifts For Everyone With Any Budget
From the office secret Santa to your very picky Auntie, this budget to boujie gift guide has a little bit of everything to inspire you for Christmas 2020 and beyond!
Our priorities might have changed in 2020, but the joy of finding the perfect gift for a loved one is a part of Christmas that continues to feel special no matter the circumstances. Gift giving is serious business, but don’t worry, we’ve done all the hard work for you! From the office secret Santa to your very picky Auntie, the best friend who already has everything to your mum who deserves the biggest of treats, this budget to boujie gift guide has a little bit of everything to inspire you for Christmas 2020 and beyond!
The love and appreciation for even the smallest moments of joy means present shopping has a more sentimental feel this year, leaving us seeking out the items that make each day a little easier or happier. Say goodbye to the generic bubble bath and jumpers you’re not sure they’ll ever wear and hello to what might seem simpler, but more meaningful gifts you know will guarantee a smile. Happiness is free, but a little retail therapy along the way never hurt anyone, and does the novelty of Christmas ever wear off? We think not!
Give us Bing Crosby, Band Aid, The Ronettes, East 17, Slade, Wizzard & Justin Bieber – defrost them all.
The month-long streaming of Christmas songs has begun, and we will not hear a word against it. Not this year, satan.
Given the gloomy circumstances of 2020, we could all do with capitalising on those festive ditties
Nothing confirms the holiday season like Mariah Carey’s unparalleled festive warbling warming up the speakers, and given the gloomy circumstances of 2020, we could all do with capitalising on those festive ditties and all the vocal merriment Christmas can muster. Give us Bing Crosby, Band Aid, The Ronettes, East 17, Slade, Wizzard & Justin Bieber – defrost them all.
Whether you need a suitable soundtrack for decorating the spruce, you’re driving home for Christmas or you’re just pouring yourself that third glass of Baileys you swore blind you wouldn’t touch, this is the playlist you need on repeat.
Whamageddon players – cover your ears, everyone else – get snapping your fingers like you’re Michael Buble & step into Christmas.
Don’t forget, you can still use our daily song prompts template to create your own collaborative party playlist to see you through December. Share it with your family and friends and tag us in your Stories so we can see what Christmas bops you’re moving & grooving to!
You may know Eyal from appearing on 2018's Love Island or Celebrity X-Factor and he's also featured in global fashion campaigns! We quizzed him about what he's been up to in 2020, his love of fitness and creativity.
First of all, how are you and how are you coping in 2020?
I’m great thank you! I’ve been lucky to be travelling for work lately. Overall I’ve been Ok this year. I’ve realised that there’s a lot I can’t control and I’ve made peace with that. Everything I can control I’m focusing on and I feel great about that!
Talk us through your modelling career and journey online?
My modelling career has been really exciting! It started when I was 19 after I left a band that I was in full time from 16 – 19. It was hard work at first I was working part-time as an estate agent whilst trying to work as a model. I think all good things take time and I have to do a lot of unpaid shoots, knock on a lot of doors and keep believing in myself. All of a sudden I booked a job with Adidas which really elevated my career and pushed me in the right direction! From there I started to work with some incredible brands, feature in music videos with some pretty big artists and was able to leave my part-time job and model full time. My online career started to build as my modelling picked up, I was getting some great exposure from some amazing brands and was featuring in a lot of online publications where people started to recognise me and follow me to see what I’m up to! Then I took the leap of faith and went on TV which really accelerated my growth on social media!
What inspired you to start your fitness account @empowerbyeyal?
I’ve always loved fitness and I’ve always posted fitness content but I wanted to create a platform that was fully focused on fitness and allowed people to go there for fitness tips, motivation and advice. I want to empower people with the knowledge and understanding that I have learnt over the years and felt empower was the perfect place to do that. It’s still a work in progress but something I really love and enjoy!
A lot of people may know you from The Celebrity X Factor, have you always been into singing?
Ah good old X-Factor! It’s a weird one! I’ve always loved performing and as I mentioned from 16 – 19 I joined a pop group and we were signed to an independent record label. I think I loved performing more than signing but I’ve always believed in doing things that make you feel uncomfortable and allow you to step outside of your comfort zone and X factor was exactly that for me. An incredible experience and opportunity to get back on stage. I think it’s safe to say my singing career has been put to bed for the foreseeable future :p
We’ve seen you’ve uploaded more on YouTube recently, is this becoming more of a focus for you?
YouTube is a total passion project for my girlfriend and me. We absolutely love being able to be completely genuine with the camera and have complete control over the edit. We live a pretty exciting life someone’s and wanted to show people what we get up to an and uncensored version of who we really are! Our YouTube is growing nicely and we’re really enjoying the process
You’re no stranger to travel, what is your favourite destination to visit and why?
For me, it’s got to be Cape Town in South Africa. I spent 3 months there 2 years in a row for modelling and there was so much self-discovery and freedom. It’s moulded me into who I am today and I have incredibly fond memories of Cape Town. It’s beautiful, you have the sea & mountains side by side and the people are amazing. It’s a little piece of paradise!
What would you say is your biggest achievement to date?
My biggest achievement to date… I always find this question hard! For me, it’s the journey that life has taken me on so far. Getting to this point in my life and having the most incredible family and friends around me. I’ve had incredible work achievements that have blown my mind and I can’t believe even happened so overall I’m just proud of all my achievements and my journey to this point.
What are you currently working on?
Top secret info! I’m working on a project around sustainability & travel. I’m a big lover of nature and our world and believe we can all lead a more sustainable & conscious life whilst still enjoying the world and travelling. I can’t say too much more than that right now but watch this space.
What do you always carry with you?
My film camera. I shoot 35mm film and have a page called @eyalsfilm – again it’s a huge passion project for me and I absolutely love the creative freedom and outlet it has become for me
What does your perfect weekend look like?
My perfect weekend is probably a staycation with my girlfriend & dog. In the middle of nowhere switching off from the work. Or a weekend surrounded by family and friends. Laughing and living in the present moment.
If you could only eat one meal again what would it be?
Oh gosh! That’s a hard one. I love Japanese food!! It would probably be chicken gyoza haha
If you could give one positive message to our followers what would it be?
Trust the universe and never stop believing in yourself. Your greatest power is you and your individuality and as soon as you let go of the things you can’t control and focus all your energy on the things you can control life will become incredibly beautiful. Peace & Love.
The Fertility Series: 4 Women Share Their IVF Stories
Whether you’re just beginning your IVF journey, feeling overwhelmed by the medical terminology or looking to read something from someone who’s actually gone through it, we hope these real-life stories will make you feel less alone and help you prepare for the road ahead.
In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a cycle of fertility treatment that involves collecting an egg from the ovaries and fertilising it with the sperm in a specialised lab. The fertilised egg, called the embryo, is then returned to the woman’s womb to develop. The treatment is suitable for people who have been unable to conceive naturally or if you want to get pregnant as a solo parent.
IVF is usually carried out when the sperm quality is considered ‘normal’. If there are issues with the sperm quality or motility, a procedure called intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI) may be used instead. This is where a single sperm is injected into the egg.
Whether you’re just beginning your IVF journey, feeling overwhelmed by the medical terminology or looking to read something from someone who’s actually gone through it, we hope these real-life stories will make you feel less alone and help you prepare for the road ahead.
TW: Baby loss, miscarriage, fertility based mental health problems.
Sarah, @Wearetwinset
How long had you been trying to conceive naturally before you began fertility treatment?
We were trying for about a year and a half when we thought something might be up. We booked to see a fertility specialist, who made us have some tests, confirming that there were issues on both sides and that we would likely need assistance to get pregnant. We were then given various options for the next steps.
How did you know you needed IVF treatment? Can you tell us a bit about the initial consultation and other fertility treatment you tried before starting IVF?
For our third round of IVF we went to a new specialist, Dr Talha Shawaf who I think was the missing piece of the puzzle for us. Sarah
We actually started with IUI before IVF but with the success rates being lower than IVF and our particular issues we moved onto IVF after one unsuccessful IUI. IVF is a much bigger commitment and it took a lot of thought and research but we felt like it was the best decision for us at the time. We actually went privately to a Dr that was recommended by a friend and had two IVF rounds with him. For our third round of IVF we went to a new specialist, Dr Talha Shawaf who I think was the missing piece of the puzzle for us. We found him to be the most wonderful, thorough & honest Dr.
Can you explain what your IVF journey looked like?
Our IVF journey was quite a long one and it took 4.5 years in total for us to have our little miracle boy, Lenny. It was by no means quick or easy and I think that’s what you have to be prepared for, it really can take time. This was not something I had taken into consideration pre-IVF. There are so many different factors that need to work together and it’s not one size fits all. Often, we didn’t have answers for why one particular process didn’t work or get the results we’d hoped for & then we would try something different, perhaps with slightly different medication and protocol. It can be draining, frustrating & heartbreaking throughout but hopefully, in the end, it can also be magical.
In terms of the process, I’m going to try and share as much as possible in and the simplest way possible & hopefully in the correct way too – there are quite a few steps to IVF. The first step is the hormone injections (I did them in my tummy), my husband Craig injected one (sometimes two a day) to stimulate my ovaries to increase the number of eggs my body makes typically for 10-12 days. I found this process quite difficult, making sure we were in together at the same time every night and it was sore injecting the same area daily. But before, during and after my injections I found it so helpful to listen to calming music and think positive thoughts. Every injection was one step closer to my baby (I used to repeat this over and over in my head!) I also felt quite bloated from the drugs but again I always tried to think of the bigger picture and the final result, a healthy baby.
The next stage is the sedation to have the eggs removed, I also found this quite scary as I had never had an anaesthetic before. But again, it was one cog in my bigger journey and I just tried to take each step at a time and get through that hurdle. For each of my three rounds of IVF I had 12-15 eggs removed. As I was under it felt quick & I had no real pain after, I was just a little groggy waking up from the anaesthetic.
The 12-15 eggs are then mixed with the sperm (for us we had IVF ICSI which means the sperm are actually injected into the eggs) and you have to wait to see how they fertilise over the next few days. In each of our three rounds of IVF we had 3 embryos fertilise each time but this can obviously can be more or less for each case.
The next step once the embryo/s have developed in the lab, is an embryo transfer back into your uterus, either in the same cycle as your egg collection or in a fresh cycle in the next month/s. If it is the next cylcle/s the embryos are then frozen (this is what we did each time.) For me, one of my issues was the lining of my womb, so sometimes it took a while for the lining to look right for us to put an embryo back in. This was of course difficult as I would build myself up towards for the embryo transfer and then it might not happen. It was a constant daily exercise to talk myself into being positive as much as I could. But again, I just kept thinking I would rather everything look as good as it can be to increase my chances of success.
My anxiety here was so bad every time, I would always try and be positive but also prepare myself for the worst-case scenario and I would just swing between the two counting the days away. Sarah
After calculating dates and scans with the Dr to find the right day to put an embryo (or embryos) back in, the now thawed embryo is inserted via a cannula. It’s a little unpleasant but it’s quite quick about 15 mins. The worst part of this is that you need a half-full bladder and I never managed to get it right – I was always bursting! After the transfer, it’s time for the dreaded two-week wait where you have the longest two-week countdown of your life…to either take a pregnancy test or to have a blood test to see if you are pregnant. My anxiety here was so bad every time, I would always try and be positive but also prepare myself for the worst-case scenario and I would just swing between the two counting the days away. I found talking about my emotions with my reflexologist here really supportive and I always tried to have a couple of nice things to look forward to during these two weeks – anything to take my mind of things. During our three rounds of IVF I had 7 embryo transfers, three of them were sadly miscarriages, three were unsuccessful & then finally I got pregnant on my 7th transfer with my son Lenny.
What are the mental & physical side effects of IVF that aren’t often talked openly about, especially due to the lack of fertility awareness in the workplace?
I think the emotional side of things is just huge, not only are you putting your body through a lot (so you don’t feel yourself) – injections, drugs, egg collection, weekly scans – your emotions are all over the place. I found that sometimes I could put on a ‘brave face’ and get on with things and other times I just couldn’t. I really tried to accept those bad days when they came in and knew that tomorrow would be a new day. The hardest part for me was the waiting, for results or my body’s responses to medication which I found so agonising. I often didn’t feel like myself throughout the process, keeping things a ‘secret’ felt strange, coping with the losses & the highs & the lows but still having to get on with normal day to day life as it wasn’t something I openly spoke about to many. Getting up and going to work somedays just felt like the biggest struggle. I also stopped going to people’s baby showers and kids’ parties as it always made me feel so awful afterwards.
Did you join any support groups on social media?
Often, I would find myself late-night googling things which always made me feel awful & it would have been great to be able to connect with people going through similar things. Sarah
I actually didn’t at the time. I would say that 6 years ago it was quite a different space on social media but if I had them at my fingertips it would have definitely been the most amazing support and would have helped me not feel so alone. Often, I would find myself late-night googling things which always made me feel awful & it would have been great to be able to connect with people going through similar things. This was one of the main reasons why I was so desperate to share my story and help people in any way I can.
Did you talk openly about your IVF with your family? How important was it that you had that network of support?
I was quite open with my family but only when I felt comfortable, which worked best for me. There were periods where there was just nothing to say and it felt like bad news after bad news and that’s when I found it hard to talk about. But I have an amazing support network of family and a few friends who often didn’t need to say anything but were there when I needed to talk or just be. On the day of one of my embryo transfers (it was a Wednesday), my girlfriends sent me a bunch of flowers simply saying ‘happy hump day’ to make me smile. They massively helped me stay strong throughout and to take my mind off things. They booked in lunches and pedicures so I would have things to look forward to which would always shift my mindset.
Was there anything else you tried alongside your treatment to help manage your mindset and prepare you for IVF?
My spiritual healer Julia was incredible, she helped me work through some crazy things that came up during our sessions & I really feel she made a massive difference to my fertility journey.Sarah
I tried everything! From psychics to kinesiologists to osteopaths and I truly believe that if something makes you feel good then you should do it. I did try acupuncture but I just didn’t love it, instead, reflexology was my saving grace and my reflexologist Rachael Posener (who also does counselling) was a huge support to me through all my ups and downs. I confided in her a lot about how I was feeling & I found it helpful when she shared some of her experiences with me and she truly gave the best advice. It was a real coping mechanism for me. My spiritual healer Julia was incredible, she helped me work through some crazy things that came up during our sessions & I really feel she made a massive difference to my fertility journey. I also saw a nutritionist Melanie Brown who advised I took some supplements and ate specific foods which I also believed really helped me in the long term.
Do you have any advice for those who are still going through their fertility journey, IVF and otherwise?
That was the hardest part for me during my IVF journey – I knew no one who had experienced anything similar to me and I often felt alone & different, especially as nearly all of my friends were also having babies at the time.Sarah
My biggest piece of advice would be to ask all the questions (there are no silly questions!), do your research for each step & understand the different processes & if you don’t ask for clarification. Speak to people who may be able to offer advice or tips & give you support. That was the hardest part for me during my IVF journey – I knew no one who had experienced anything similar to me and I often felt alone & different, especially as nearly all of my friends were also having babies at the time. There are so many incredible online spaces like my friends @Alicerose & @itscatandalice that are so helpful, give such amazing tips & advice and I think being part of a community would have made me feel so much better and stronger during some of the lowest points.
The most positive part of the IVF experience?
For me, it was getting my dog Maggie. Rachael my reflexologist suggested we get a dog to help us through the hard times, to take our mind off everything. Maggie was one of the best things to ever happen to us and she truly made everything better. It was something else to focus on and care for and she honestly changed us for the better.
One thing you wish you’d known…
I was naive to the whole process and sometimes there are just no answers as to why things happen.Sarah
That IVF can be lengthy & challenging & it’s not a quick fix. When I had my first round of IVF I got pregnant the first time (before I miscarried) and I genuinely thought, wow it’s not that bad! I was naive to the whole process and sometimes there are just no answers as to why things happen.
Stephanie, 29
How long had you been trying to conceive naturally before you began fertility treatment?
We had been trying for 2 years.
How did you know you needed IVF treatment? Can you tell us a bit about the initial consultation and other fertility treatment you tried before starting IVF?
After we had our referral and had the initial tests myself and my husband were given the diagnosis for Unexplained Infertility
After we had our referral and had the initial tests myself and my husband were given the diagnosis for Unexplained Infertility as everything on paper looked okay I just wasn’t getting pregnant. So we were recommended by the Fertility Doctor to try 6 months of Clomifene which is an Ovulation Induction Drug and in the meantime, we were to do our research into IVF.
Can you explain what your IVF journey looked/looks like?
So for us, it started with our first NHS cycle in July 2017 (our NHS trust gives you one go on the NHS), we went into this feeling really clued up having done our reading and attended the hospital’s open night and personally we felt really hopeful and positive, I did long protocol which involves a month of going into menopause using daily injections and then around 2 weeks of ovarian stimulating injections. After this period I then went into hospital to have an egg collection procedure and then they mixed my eggs with my husband’s sperm. We, unfortunately, didn’t get any embryos at all in this cycle and we quickly learnt that I had issues with my Egg Quality and Quantity.
Now looking back I regret bouncing back so quickly as it did nothing for my mental health
I quickly bounced back, now looking back I regret bouncing back so quickly as it did nothing for my mental health and we went very quickly into Cycle 2 in November 2017, this time around we switched from IVF to ICSI and still was given a reasonable chance of success, this time around the eggs that were collected were injected with my husband’s sperm and we managed to make 4 embryos and then 5 days later we only had one poor-quality day 5 embryo left (called a Blastocyst) I then had that transferred, unfortunately, two weeks later we found out that this cycle had been unsuccessful as well.
This for me was where the mental impacts of IVF really hit home, I very quickly started having horrible night terrors (mostly about the procedures I’d had and from nowhere started with horrendous anxiety and depression. We decided that in the best interests of me and my husband we would take a year off. I sought counselling through my GP as I was diagnosed with PTSD and Anxiety and Depression.
In February 2019 I went back to the hospital as we were planning on trying again with Cycle 3 later on that year, with the issue of my egg quality the doctor advised me to have an AMH blood test which gives a full picture about my ovarian reserve, a few weeks later I got the news that it was low and we shouldn’t delay trying again as my chances of success had now dropped to 10%. So we did cycle 3 in June 2019, this was exactly the same as cycle 2, however this time I was on maximum doses of the stimulating injections. This time around we got the same result, however, we ended up only having a day 3 embryo rather than a day 5 embryo (the chances of success are greater with a day 5).
We decided in September 2020 to go down the adoption route and are currently going through the stages as we speak
This, for us, is where our fertility journey ends, we still haven’t been successful in a cycle and was told after cycle 3 that our chances were now below 10%, when we started with odds of around 30%, we were given the option of Egg Donation (where a donors egg would be mixed with my husband’s sperm) or adoption. We decided in September 2020 to go down the adoption route and are currently going through the stages as we speak.
What are the mental & physical side effects of IVF that aren’t often talked openly about, especially due to the lack of fertility awareness in the workplace?
I, fortunately, found with my place at work that they’d already started to make positive changes concerning IVF, we got 5 days leave to use during the cycles and my manager was great whilst I was having the injections with all the side effects that come with it. The hardest thing about work is the fake smile you’ve got to plaster on every day with the people that don’t know and the “Are you okay?” questions whilst you’re desperately hanging on.
Did you join any support groups on social media?
We joined the support group on Facebook for the clinic we were at, this was a useful tool for us and I would highly recommend anyone going through it to join one. Even on those days I felt like I was going mad, it was great to chat to other people going through the same thing as us.
Did you talk openly about your IVF with your family? How important was it that you had that network of support?
We were open with our immediate family from day one of going to the clinic for the first time, we honestly couldn’t have dragged ourselves through those dark days.
Was there anything else you tried alongside your treatment to help manage your mindset and prepare you for IVF?
We didn’t start doing anything until cycle 2, we both had counselling after this cycle and this really made a difference
We didn’t start doing anything until cycle 2, we both had counselling after this cycle and this really made a difference, I went to a Fertility Coach before cycle 3, and this really helped me to come to terms with it all. We didn’t do anything nutrition-wise apart from both follow healthy diets and I took Vitamin D and Folic Acid as advised by the clinic.
Do you have any advice for those who are still going through their fertility journey, IVF and otherwise?
Now looking back, I would say make sure you ask all of the questions and don’t stop asking. There was sometimes I wish looking back I’d of asked more times. Also, don’t be afraid of asking for a second opinion, we didn’t until cycle 2 and I wish we’d of asked sooner.
The most positive part of the IVF experience?
How much closer it brought me and my husband together I think I learnt things about him whilst we were going through it that I would have never have done had we not had to.
One thing you wish you’d known…
I thought they were my fairy godmother who was going to magically give us a baby.
I went into it thinking that’s great, by next year we’ll have a baby! Looking back this was really naive of me, but I think I thought they were my fairy godmother who was going to magically give us a baby.
Francessca, 39
How long had you been trying to conceive naturally before you began fertility treatment?
We started ‘not-trying’ soon after we got married. What do I mean by not-trying? Well, you know, we started, like most couples, thinking that we wouldn’t use any contraception and that we would get pregnant basically the first time we had sex.
So many of us have it drummed into us during our teens and twenties that if you don’t use contraception that you will fall pregnant straight away.
So many of us have it drummed into us during our teens and twenties (and now early thirties if you want a career), that if you don’t use contraception that you will fall pregnant straight away. Well, it’s a shock when that doesn’t come true, I can tell you! It’s like someone slapped me in the face. After the first month, I thought, okay well, it will definitely happen next month, and on and on that cycle went! I eventually realised that we might need some intervention after quite some time of trying ‘naturally’. Most professionals will tell you to try naturally for a year before you seek medical help. However, I firmly believe that this advice is fundamentally flawed because women/couples are leaving it later in life to have children and after 30 you are considered to be a geriatric mother if you fall pregnant. So time really is of the essence…. If in doubt seek some advice from your GP.
How did you know you needed IVF treatment? Can you tell us a bit about the initial consultation and other fertility treatment you tried before starting IVF?
We saw our GP and had some tests undertaken. We were told that there was “nothing obvious wrong”, according to the GP, and were referred to our local IVF clinic. We had our first two rounds of IVF treatment (neither were successful!) here and this is where our journey began.
Can you explain what your IVF journey looked like?
We consulted our G.P. We had some tests run and nothing was apparently wrong – “unexplained infertility” was the term used by the GP.
We went to our local IVF clinic and they walked us through the process of IVF. We were lucky because, at that time, our local NHS area were offering three free rounds of IVF. We had two rounds of IVF at this clinic and it wasn’t working. With a third free round on the table, I began to question whether I had confidence in the dr at the fertility clinic (he had told me that it would take “7-8 goes” at IVF before it was likely that I would fall pregnant). I was not fond of the doctor and really had no faith or confidence in the protocols that they were adopting, so I started looking for other options. I just felt that pumping myself full of drugs without knowing the cause for our infertility wasn’t logical.
Around the same time, a colleague from work (one who I had confided in) gave me a book written by Zita West. After I devoured the book in less than two commutes to work on the train, I consulted the Zita West clinic and sought their views on what might be going wrong.
The Zita West clinic’s focus is very much on the whole person; the body, mind and soul and that really appealed to me. After speaking with Dr George Ndukwe (all his patients call him the miracle man) we paid to have some additional tests run and he was of the view that I had overactive natural killer (NK) cells. These NK cells are the cells that your body uses to fight the common cold or infection. Mine were just a tad hyper and were also attacking our embryos (I was falling pregnant but just not being able to sustain a pregnancy). My tests came back that I had very high levels of NK cells and Dr George was of the view that I needed a different protocol (course of drugs) to try and help me fall pregnant, whilst going through IVF. Basically, he suppressed my immune system to ensure that the NK cells were less active whilst I was undergoing treatment.
I was so disheartened with my local clinic and the ‘one-size fits all’ approach that they were adopting for our treatment that we sacrificed a free round of treatment at our local clinic and took the plunge and funded around at the Zita West clinic.
I was so disheartened with my local clinic and the ‘one-size fits all’ approach that they were adopting for our treatment that we sacrificed a free round of treatment at our local clinic and took the plunge and funded around at the Zita West clinic. We didn’t regret it. At my local clinic, I had produced a meagre number of eggs per cycle and they were not really of good quality. However, after reviewing our nutrition (I thought I ate rather healthily – I wasn’t getting anywhere near enough protein!), partaking in acupuncture, hypnotherapy and intralipids treatment (we threw everything we had into this treatment), we ended up having lots of very healthy embryos and some to freeze. We hadn’t had these results before and were completely over the moon. As a result of that one cycle at the Zita West clinic, we have our two boys (now aged 4 and 2).
What are the mental & physical side effects of IVF that aren’t often talked openly about, especially due to the lack of fertility awareness in the workplace?
How long have you got?! The mental and physical side effects of IVF really can’t be understood unless you have been through it. It is exhausting. To be hoping and wishing for a baby month after month and it not work, is utterly draining. To see your friends fall pregnant ‘by accident’ or ‘without trying’ really is soul-destroying. Are you pleased for them? Sure. But do you also feel like you’ve been punched in the stomach every time someone announces that they are pregnant again, YES. Coupled with the effect that the drugs can have (they don’t always – but most women have some side-effects). Not to mention the financial worries, can we afford this treatment? Should we pay the mortgage? Or risk becoming homeless to fund another round of IVF? The effects really are extensive.
The need for a child really is a deep-seated and primal instinct that most of us have.
I think a recent study said that women who have suffered miscarriages can, and do, suffer from PTSD and I can honestly say that I understand why. I would consider myself to be a strong and independent woman. However, creating a baby goes to the core of who you are and what you are designed to do. If women don’t produce children the human race ends. It is that simple. The need for a child really is a deep-seated and primal instinct that most of us have. Some women may not want children and I understand that choice too. However, when you have decided that you do want a baby, and you can’t produce one, I don’t think that the effects on you can be underestimated.
When we first started trying and it wasn’t working I felt like a complete failure. A failure as a wife. A failure as a daughter (not being able to give my mum grandchildren). A failure as a woman. If other women could do it, why couldn’t I? I didn’t smoke or drink to excess, what was wrong with me? When we had our first failed IVF cycles, I didn’t discuss it with anyone. I think I had only told my husband and my mum and my brothers. I think it is fair to say that I am your classic, controlling, over-achiever lawyer; ‘I don’t do failure’. Yet, I had no control over this and this left me floundering and uncertain about what to do next.
During my second failed cycle of IVF, I remember that I had been promoted at work. I was working really long hours, routinely leaving the office at 10pm to try and improve a team that had not been performing well (sneaking off to the toilets to inject my IVF drugs without anyone knowing). The cycle failed. I was worn out and devastated and to top it off I had to take time off from work to miscarry ‘naturally’ as I was worried about having a procedure performed that would remove the ‘non-viable embryo’, as it was referred to by the doctor who looked for a heartbeat. I will never forget the way he couldn’t look at me when he didn’t find the heartbeat. Like it was just a yes/ no situation. But to me, it was my hopes and dreams for a baby and a family with my husband. Non-viable. Pretty much how that Dr. at our local clinic made me feel that day.
So with this in mind, we mustered up the courage to start a round of IVF at the Zita West clinic and I really can’t describe how different it was. I was supported and encouraged to talk to others. I don’t know if it was the new-found optimism that caused me to open up to friends, family and colleagues, or because the cat was out of the bag because I had been forced to email my colleagues and explain why I had not been in the office leading the team. (I didn’t include in my email that my male boss hadn’t contacted me once during the time that I had been absent owing to my miscarriage to see how I was, or to enquire about what support that he/the organisation might be able to offer me!) But hey ho! We pick up and press on. I returned to work with vigour and I was now open about what I was going through. I told HR. I started talking to colleagues about it and you know what, others started talking to me about the issues that they were having. It was like I had opened a can of worms at work. So many of my female colleagues (also thirty-somethings) were having issues. I was also really surprised, I don’t know why looking back, but a few of my male colleagues also came to talk to me too about what they could do to help their wives going through the same thing.
So to summarise the effects are huge. But ask me if it is worth it? Yes. Without doubt. Because like any warrior who wants something badly enough, you just keep picking yourself up and pushing on.
Did you join any support groups on social media?
Looking back now, I can absolutely see the benefit of talking and sharing and recognise that everyone has to process their grief, anguish and journey in a way that is right for them.
The short answer to this question is no. I had attended a group therapy session at our local IVF clinic and it really was not for me. I didn’t like hearing about other people’s negative results. I am a really positive person by nature and whilst it sounds callous to say it, listening to other people’s stories of woe didn’t inspire me. I just felt that I needed to surround myself with success stories and people who IVF had worked for. Looking back now, I can absolutely see the benefit of talking and sharing and recognise that everyone has to process their grief, anguish and journey in a way that is right for them. So I think that the social media groups are really great for that. I do get concerned about some of the advice that seems to be given by those who are not particularly educated on the subject… but that’s another question!
Did you talk openly about your IVF with your family? How important was it that you had that support?
At first I didn’t. But in the end, because it had been going on so long for us and so many people who didn’t know we had been going through IVF kept asking me “so, when are you having a baby?” that the easier answer was to reply “actually we have been trying for sometime and it’s not been working”. Aside from the slightly smug feeling that I would get putting people in their place, I came to realise that people mean well. They really do. But saying that, I have experienced all sorts of things being said to me, by ‘well-meaning individuals’ – such as ‘you will have 8 babies going through IVF’ , ‘God doesn’t approve of IVF’ and my favourite ‘do you think you should take it as a sign that you might not be right to have children?’ Needless to say, that you develop a thick skin quite quickly when you are on this journey….
Was there any other lifestyle you made alongside your treatment to help manage your mindset and prepare you for IVF?
For our third successful round, I can honestly say that I was in the best physical and mental shape of my life.
During our first two cycles of IVF, no. We didn’t really adjust anything. Nobody guided us that this was a good or sensible thing to do. However, for our third successful round, I can honestly say that I was in the best physical and mental shape of my life. I had been having regular acupuncture, we have overhauled our diet, cut out alcohol, caffeine and gluten and I was doing everything I could to de-stress. It had an impact because we had our two boys.
Do you have any advice for those who are still going through their fertility journey, IVF and otherwise?
Question, question, question the advice that you are receiving. A good doctor will take the time to explain things to you. If you are just a number, they won’t. You will quickly start to see the difference.
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. If something does not feel right, it probably isn’t – even if you don’t know the reason for it and/or it doesn’t seem logical at the time. For example, my husband had kittens at the thought of walking away from a free round at our local IVF clinic only to pay for it somewhere else. But I just knew that that’s what felt right and I was proved right. Against all logic, I followed my instincts, we changed clinics and we got pregnant.
The most positive part of the IVF experience?
Without a doubt my two boys.
But second to this would be that I have started a new company: The Fertility Retreat. We are offering support to women/couples on their fertility journeys. We have consolidated the lessons that we learned along the way and are hopefully removing some of the mistakes that we made to prevent others from making the same mistakes. Combining this with some fabulous nutrition, yoga, expertise and fun along the way.
One thing you wish you’d known…
Can I have more than one thing?!
Um, that nutrition and what you put into your body has a HUGE impact on your chances/outcome during fertility. Change your diet, change your chances. I really believe this. Your diet and what you do, and sometimes don’t, eat – have an impact on your results.
And my second thing is – it is okay to feel how you are feeling right now. Breathe. Feel it. Acknowledge it and then cast it aside and focus on what you want. Because wallowing in self-pity gets you nowhere. Yes it can be painful, yes it can be hard, but tighten your bootstraps, slap on some lipstick and put your best foot forward – because only YOU can change the things you want to change to get what you want.
Tara, 29
How long had you been trying to conceive naturally before you began fertility treatment?
I came off the pill in 2015, we weren’t actively trying but if it happened we would have been happy. After we got married in 2016 we started actively trying for a total of two years before starting our first round of IVF.
How did you know you needed IVF treatment? Can you tell us a bit about the initial consultation and other fertility treatment you tried before starting IVF?
I found not falling pregnant a very stressful time the disappointment of getting my period each month was overwhelming and it starting taking over my life trying to work out dates, taking ovulation test and searching for pregnancy symptoms so I was actually relieved when we started the IVF process as it took them pressures away and I knew it was the right thing for us.
To start the IVF referral process we went to see our GP I think this is always the best place to start, our GP ran all the basic tests on both my husband and me to see if there were any obvious issues to why we weren’t conceiving naturally.
Can you explain what your IVF journey looked/looks like?
She ran a lot more tests again on us both which showed our issue was male fertility based. Tara
Our journey started at the GP, once he had run all the basic tests on both my husband and I then got referred to another GP who specialises in fertility. She ran a lot more tests again on us both which showed our issue was male fertility based. My husband had an appointment with a male fertility consultant, the consultant decided on the best treatment path for us. This meant my husband going on hormone tablets and us than starting IVF using ICSI. ICSI is a type of IVF where they take my egg and my husband’s sperm and they physically implant the sperm into the egg.
My IVF protocol went; go on the pill so the clinic knew exactly where I was in my cycle, I then started an injection called Buserelin which is a hormone which stops your body naturally ovulating, I then started another injection called ovaleap which stimulates your ovaries to create follicles which contain eggs. I was having scans and blood tests every 3 days to check the progress of my follicles. The scans you have are done internally, they aren’t painful but can be a little uncomfortable the more follicles you have. once they were happy with the amount and size of the follicles I used an injection called ovitrelle this is known as ‘the trigger’ and exactly 48 hours later I had my eggs collected this is done whilst you are sedated. I then had to start taking progesterone pessaries, to anyone starting their journey please don’t be surprised if they tell you to put these up the ‘back passage’ initially. This can then be changed to using them as normal but I have to say they are very messy and once I get a positive pregnancy test I had to use them until I was 12 weeks.
I had 5 days from egg collection to embryo transfer, I had 12 eggs collected and 3 of them survived and turned into high-grade embryos one of these was implanted back in me and the other two were frozen for future cycles. This is a very stressful time as you’re waiting to hear from the embryologist every other day to let you know if and how your embryos are progressing. The embryo was transferred back into me, this is done when your awake and you see the process on ultrasound. After this, I waited 9 days before taking a pregnancy test which was positive. I think I felt as prepared as I could I read IVF books, cut out caffeine and alcohol and started acupuncture.
What are the mental & physical side effects of IVF that aren’t often talked openly about, especially due to the lack of fertility awareness in the workplace?
The fear of the unknown, feeling like a failure if your body isn’t doing as it should be and feeling isolated are just some of the things I felt during my cycle.Tara
Mentally IVF can put a huge strain on you, I’m naturally a positive person but it can be very testing. The fear of the unknown, feeling like a failure if your body isn’t doing as it should be and feeling isolated are just some of the things I felt during my cycle. The days after my embryo was transferred and I was waiting to take a pregnancy test I had a very hard time with the fear of it not being successful and It did consume me slightly. Physically IVF takes its toll in lots of ways firstly the daily hormone injections left me very bloated and uncomfortable. I found I didn’t sleep well before, during and after the cycle due to the anxiety. After Egg collection, I was very crampy and got very bloated but this did pass after 3/4 days.
The fear of the unknown, feeling like a failure if your body isn’t doing as it should be and feeling isolated are just some of the things I felt during my cycle.Tara
I was always very transparent with my workplace about my journey and they were super supportive but I do believe if I wasn’t so open things would have been a lot harder, fertility is such a taboo subject and the fear of your workplace knowing you’re trying to conceive adds extra stress when you’re already under such strain. You do have to take a fair amount of time off work for appointments which can be difficult and some days your just not in the right frame of mind which I think anyone who hasn’t been through the process struggles to understand.
Did you join any support groups on social media?
I followed a lot of ladies accounts on Instagram who document their IVF journey, there is a huge fertility support network on social media. People from all over the world and all with different stories really make you feel like your part of a community.
Did you talk openly about your IVF with your family? How important was it that you had that network of support?
We were a newly married couple who had just bought our first home so we were getting asked all the time when we were going to have a baby so telling people really took that pressure away. Tara
I did speak openly to both my family and friends, I decided as soon as we found out we were going to need fertility treatment to be completely open with people. We were a newly married couple who had just bought our first home so we were getting asked all the time when we were going to have a baby so telling people really took that pressure away. I do think it’s so important to have a support network, if people didn’t want to tell their family/friends then finding someone to confide in will help, speaking to other people on social media who are going through or gone through fertility treatment can be a great support and my inbox is always open for anyone who needs it.
Was there anything else you tried alongside your treatment to help manage your mindset and prepare you for IVF?
I personally did acupuncture, I would recommend this to anyone going through fertility treatment. I choose a clinic that specialised in fertility acupuncture, not only is it a great way to relax and switch off through what is a very stressful time you get great advice on your diet and guidance on what you can do to encourage a positive result. I also used IVF mindfulness apps that helped to switch off and keep my mind in a positive place. I know my clinic offered me counselling so that option is available to you if you should need it.
Do you have any advice for those who are still going through their fertility journey, IVF and otherwise?
Don’t feel ashamed of your journey, having children is beautiful it doesn’t matter how they are conceived.Tara
The best advice I can give is to stay as positive as you can, take time out for yourself and try not to put to much pressure on anything. I would keep a notepad with me and write down any questions I would think of so when I went to my appointments I had them ready. If you aren’t sure about something don’t be embarrassed to ask, getting things explained so you fully understand is so important. Don’t feel ashamed of your journey, having children is beautiful it doesn’t matter how they are conceived. Don’t take the pregnancy test before the day they have told you, it’s very tempting but getting a negative because it’s too early isn’t worth it and finally don’t feel alone lean on your partner, family, friends or support network you will feel a lot better for sharing your thoughts.
The most positive part of the IVF experience?
I honestly do believe getting to see the full process from seeing your eggs grow, watching the embryos develop, and then seeing the embryo being transferred is so specialTara
The most positive part for me has been getting the positive pregnancy tests and having two gorgeous little boys but I honestly do believe getting to see the full process from seeing your eggs grow, watching the embryos develop, and then seeing the embryo being transferred is so special and something you can really treasure.
One thing you wish you’d known…
Honestly, I really wish I had known that on the day of embryo transfer you have to have a full bladder and I’m not talking about slightly needing a wee I’m talking about full to the point if you drank another sip you would burst! To then add to the enjoyment of your bladder being that full they use an ultrasound to watch the embryo be implanted so they push down on your stomach. I can confirm as soon as the embryo is in your allowed to use the toilet though which is a great relief.
If you're not normally a stocking giver or recipient, maybe 2020 is the year to start! We could all use an extra sprinkling of magic this Christmas, and what better way to start the day than with a thoughtful stocking for the ones you love.
Is there anything as joyous in this world as hurriedly unwrapping your stocking on Christmas morning with a mince pie in hand and cuppa to start the day of celebrations?
Is there anything as joyous in this world as hurriedly unwrapping your stocking on Christmas morning with a mince pie in hand and cuppa to start the day of celebrations? NO! It’s the little things (in the words of One Direction) that really make the difference, and Christmas is no exception. The small but thoughtful gifts inside your stocking (thanks mum for always nailing it) can be the most useful and exciting of all on the big day, keeping you well stocked with edible treats, mini toiletries and a pair of socks or two to see you well into the next year and beyond.
If you’re not normally a stocking giver or recipient, maybe 2020 is the year to start! We could all use an extra sprinkling of magic this Christmas, and what better way to start the day than with a thoughtful stocking for the ones you love.
Which miniature gifts are you hoping to find inside your stocking on the crisp morning of the 25th?
Zoe
I think one of my favourite types of gift to buy at Christmas is a stocking filler (although I do find stocking fillers for women much easier than the men in my life!) I try and make sure everything is as useful as possible and not just something that will collect dust or never be used and then thrown out or given to a charity shop come January!
Although my family don’t tend to do the whole traditional stockings either side of the fireplace anymore, we all love getting each other little thoughtful bits and bobs to compliment the ‘main’ gift. I think I prefer buying the stocking fillers for people over the big, practical stuff ya know!
I love stockings, I’m not ashamed that my mum still makes me one every year, and they’re pretty much always the same. I don’t know why oranges are a thing but I think its quite common? And the rest are just things I love!
Stockings from my mum are usually full of the little bits and bobs that come in handy like bobby pins and hand sanitiser, as well as edible treats that form I can’t resist opening and snacking on whilst opening our ‘proper’ presents! Sadly lactose intolerant me can no longer enjoy a Terry’s Choc Orange, but I’m hoping for some Galaxy Vegan choc to make up for it haha!
If I was filling a stocking for someone else I think miniature bath treats and face masks are always a good shout, as well as some fun ‘these reminded me of you’ bits you see and grab in the run-up to the big day!
This Christmas I’m trying to buy the majority of my gifts from small businesses and have found Trouva to be so good for discovering interesting gifts! I love these festive matched and they have THE BEST selection of candles. Beauty bits are always great for stockings especially brands that people might not buy for themselves, this liquid lip from Bobbi Brown is a crowd-pleaser. This jingle bell bottle opener from Anthropologie is hilarious and stocking filler sized. I also love hair accessories, jewellery and underwear in my stocking, I always need that kind of thing!
Stockings are fun for all ages and I think so much thought goes into them they are also lovely as a gift, like a hamper but in a stocking! Just feels way more festive to me. I think a good stocking has a good mix of bits and bobs, from some edible treats to some lovely bath bits for relaxing. Diaries are a lovely stocking gift too (which hopefully we can fill out with more plans this year!). I always like to add a candle to a stocking too and the candles from Kalon Candle Co are so lovely!
I must say it’s been some time since I’ve had a stocking, why aren’t grown-up stockings a thing!? Growing up they were always such a fun part about Christmas and what made it really magical. Nowadays I would class a stocking filler present as a small little extra to go alongside a main present but that doesn’t make them any less special.
