Introducing the Zoella Banana Bread & Loungewear Lockdown Perfume

PSA: we’ve only gone and made our very own lockdown perfume! In theory, it shouldn’t work but it absolutely does, and we just know your pulse points are gonna be as weirdly into it as we are.

As we prepare to phase out locky d 3.0 once and for all, we have been feeling a certain type of way about losing the part of us that was once in a situationship with sweatpants and strangely attracted to Joe Exotic.

So, we put our heads together on Zoom one morning and decided that the only way to ensure the funkiest year of our lives stayed with us forever, is if we created a perfume that smelled just like it – something we could mist over our summer dresses in a not-too-distant future, and think back to that time in 2020, when we’d just be getting ready for a wild night in the living room. So we did it, we bottled lockdown.

If you told us a year ago that we’d be creating a lockdown scent infused with trampled hopes, banana bread essence and loungewear, then we would have fully gone Piers Morgan and left the WhatsApp Group. But a lot can happen in 12 months and here we are, one rotation around the sun later and not mad about smelling a bit like Boris Johnson, emotional burnout and overhyped bakes.

Admittedly, when we first came up with the concept, we didn’t know if we could make it work. Phone calls were made, brows were furrowed (prototype #17: way too much banana) and nostrils were shook but after nearly a year in the making, the launch is finally happening.

Drawing on the scent profile of lockdowns 1, 2 and 3, Banana Bread & Loungewear is naturally quite a complex fragrance because, as it turns out, a pandemic + existential dread makes for one complicated concoction.

First you get the familiar bitter sweet ‘n’ buttery notes of banana bread and 2020 ignorance, followed by heart notes of stockpiled its-obviously-not-cashmere-bitch sweatpants and finally, you get the lingering slightly floral, if a bit savage, base notes of Carole Baskin and her wild cat litter tray. It’s different but it’s good different, ya know?

Oh, and because every cult fragrance needs a niche ingredient, every bottle of BBAL contains real salty tears. Now, that shit is bananas. Just how many breakdowns can one bottle hack, we hear you ask? The limit does not exist.

The Zoella Banana Bread & Loungewear EDP is set to hit the shelves next week, just in time for you to overwhelm a pub garden near you, and we can neither confirm nor deny if this article sits on a throne of April fool’s day lies. But yes, it absolutely does.