Autumn is on the horizon, and you know what that means? New-season shopping! Enjoy this week's edit and let us know what you've got your eye on.
Autumn is on the horizon, and you know what that means? New-season shopping! The changing of weather, priorities and opportunities that come with a new calendar month offer a v satisfying scroll of your favourite online outlets, and this week we’re sharing the top tier items on our wish lists.
Team Zoella are fond of all things AW styling more than most, so expect some cardigans and layers that we’ll be phasing into our wardrobes over the coming weeks. For those of us not ready to let go of summer quite yet, we’re still loving the ease of chucking on a mini dress or linen trousers and a tee, so don’t fear fellow sun loving dressers out there- there are picks for you too!
And finally, the category we can never, ever get enough of homeware! Because if a second lockdown is on the way, you best believe our homes will be looking their absolute 10/10 best selves whilst we sit inside our four walls. Enjoy this week’s edit and let us know what you’ve got your eye on!
Danielle
I decided to have a look at the new-in home section of Oliver Bonas after seeing this super cool embroidery DIY Kits as I’ve wanted to learn it for ages. A couple of kitchen bits like a butter dish and a glug jug (obsessed) as well as a boujie mirror that I would LOVE to sit and get ready in front on and a neon ‘Spritz’ sign that would look great over my bar!
I haven’t been a big lockdown shopper. It’s only recently that I’ve started getting the urge to buy a few new things now that the rules have eased slightly and I have to dress from the waist down again. I recently found some really lovely floaty dresses and cute knits that I feel with the right accessories will see me through into Autumn.
Homeware and style (plus food) are the areas that hit my bank balance most, and my IG saved folder is constantly full of new-in bits I’ve got my eye on. Exercise went out the window during lockdown but I’m loving walking and getting out in the warmer weather so these cute pastel leggings are deffo on my list! I also love the olive tone of this puff sleeve dress which would be perfect for date night. Finally, to spruce up my room, I adore this cat lover art print and adorable mirror affirmation that is the perfect everyday reminder.
Autumn is my fave time of year so I’m already planning ahead and eyeing up all the knitwear and jackets. I’m looking forward to the days of easy layering and huddling into a parka on a rainy walk. This white shirt with broderie-detail will be a great piece to have in my wardrobe all year round, perfect for adding a little something to a neutral outfit.
This time of year is my absolute FAVOURITE in terms of new in fashion as Autumn starts rolling around. I spotted this over-jacket in Zara and stocked up on a new pair of boots too! I also bought a few new dresses to wear with boots and throw a leather jacket over them. I actually saw someone wearing this white COS dress when I was in town the other day and immediately came home and purchased it!
When it gets to mid-August I become obsessed with transitional pieces. I find an oversized shacket or shirt is great to transition into Autumn with, especially in the UK when our Summer evenings aren’t to warm! I am loving corduroy’s return, I’m totally here for it!
Introducing #DigitalDetoxDay: Switch Off For Mental Health
On Saturday, 5th September we’ll be stepping away from our digital devices and switching off for Digital Detox Day.
On Saturday, 5th September we’ll be stepping away from our digital devices and switching off for Digital Detox Day.
The collaborative campaign between Zoe Sugg, mental health organisation #IAMWHOLE and LUSH Cosmetics, aims to raise awareness about the negative impact social media can have on our mental health and encourages participants to form better relationships with our devices. That ever-present digital connection and always ‘on’ mindset can end up making us feel more disconnected than ever, causing stress, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and insomnia, to name a few.
We’ve all seen our screen time stats and felt shook by the number of hours (and even days) we’ve lost to scrolling that great digital abyss. Doing a digital detox allows you to set healthy boundaries and gives your mind a chance to switch off, recharge and focus on social interactions in real life without digital distractions.
To join in, simply grab your best black pen and draw a circle on your hand with the word ‘OFF’ written in the middle. On the 4th September, upload the pic of your hand to your social channels to show that you’re supporting DDD on 5th September. Don’t forget to use the hashtags #DIGITALDETOXDAY and #IAMWHOLE
On the 5th September, disconnect to reconnect. Stay off social media for one whole day and enjoy the break!
When Digital Detox Day is over, you may decide it’s something you want to practise on a regular basis with recurrent digital abstinence. Pick one day a week to go device-free or social media-free, whatever works for you. The aim is to promote more positive habits around your social media usage and digital devices. Give it a go.
Reusable and sustainable menstrual products have been around for decades but until recently have been eclipsed by their single-plastic counterparts. In this edition of our 'We Tried' series, the team took the plunge and got to grips with menstrual cups. Literally. Find out how we got on with the Bettercup!
With each individual going through approximately 11,000 pads and tampons in their lifetime, disposable sanitary products are no friend of the planet, this much we do know. But if you’re anything like us, the thought of trying a menstrual cup made us clam up. What about leakage and rinsing it out in the sink with an audience? So. Many. Intimidating. Scenarios.
It’s estimated that a whopping 1.5-2 billion menstrual items are flushed down Britain’s toilets each year, with the vast majority ending up washed up on beaches or in landfill.
What’s scarier than all of the above though, is the environmental cost of plastic periods, not to mention the financial strain on our uterus every time we have to shell out for overpriced tampons and pads. It’s estimated that a whopping 1.5-2 billion menstrual items are flushed down Britain’s toilets each year, with the vast majority ending up washed up on beaches or in landfill. It’s a sorry story for our shorelines but that’s not the half of it. A recent study from the US found that non-organic rayon-based tampons contain some pretty nasty chemicals – paint stripper, to name just one. How the hell is that allowed near our vaginas? Well, because the menstrual industry basically polices itself, meaning there’s little to no transparency about what goes into the products. Doing a bit of womb washing up a few times a month suddenly doesn’t seem such a big deal after all.
Reusable and sustainable menstrual products have been around for decades but until recently have been eclipsed by their single-plastic counterparts. In this edition of our ‘We Tried’ series, the team took the plunge and got to grips with menstrual cups. Literally. Find out how we got on with the Bettercup!
Lareese…
Hi, I’m Lareese and I’m a menstrual cup evangelist. Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d say. If anyone was going to find an excuse to wriggle out of stuffing a cup up her vagina like some sort of contortionist and rinsing out my innards in the sink, it would be me. Trust me.
I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve been mid-burpee in a body combat class and literally felt my tampon crowning and yet I settled for that life because, well, it’s a period not a five star eat, pray, bleed happiness retreat.Lareese
I’ve been interested in trying more sustainable period products for a while but you know what it’s like, another period rolls around and you’ll just do anything for an easy life, trying out a cup just wasn’t top of my 2020 bucket list. I was so adamant I wouldn’t get on with it that I just got stuck in a tampon rut. When I think about it, I never quite found my groove with them over the years. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve been mid-burpee in a body combat class and literally felt my tampon crowning and yet I settled for that life because, well, it’s a period not a five star eat, pray, bleed happiness retreat. Little did I know that such a retreat does exist – and I only had to go to my bathroom to find it. It’s no Bali, but it’ll do.
Working from home during lockdown presented the perfect opportunity to give the cup a good go and honestly, I wish I made the switch sooner. There’s certainly a knack to getting it in there, especially on the first few goes – I quickly learnt that there’s really no elegant way to do it, just fold it up like a gift and present it to your vagina, and when I say present I mean literally shove it in its face. After getting over that first hurdle, I got a bit ballsy and headed straight out on a run. It was always going to be a risk – did I put it in right? Will I leave a Hansel and Gretel-like trail of bloodcrumbs behind me? Will it disappear into the abyss and burst out of out my eyeball? Nothing of the sort happened. In fact, the cup didn’t even budge one bit. I couldn’t feel it rattling around inside of me, it just slotted perfectly into place.
The next day, full of this new-found period confidence, I went down the beach for a swim. I popped the Bettercup in first thing in the morning and didn’t give it another thought until I emptied it before bed. I’d say that’s one of the best things about converting to cups – the freedom! I can leave the Bettercup in all day and it doesn’t hold me back from doing all the things I enjoy! No crowning cotton to deal with, no peeing on the string (you can pee and poo as normal with a cup in btw), no more getting caught out and doing a mad dash to Boots. Who knew periods could be this convenient? And I really did put it through its paces.
I’ve yet to navigate the rinsing it in a communal sink situ but I know wiping it down with tissue, reinserting and rinsing at my earliest convenience is still ok if I happen to find myself in a toilet with an audience and only one sink up for grabs. I’m so glad I’ve discovered a period product that works for me and the planet (I mean, it lasts for 10 years! That blows my tiny mind), and lets me live my blooming life without worrying. Periods are never going to be the most enjoyable event in our monthly calendars but this game-changing little cup is proof that they can certainly be better.
Danielle…
Let me start this off with the headline, which is that I am absolutely a ‘cup convert’. I’m so pleased I gave the better cup a whirl and I urge you to do the same!
So. I have a fairly regular period, lasts about four days with the heavier days being the second and third. Trialling the cup whilst working from home was a dream, as I’m sure, like many, my biggest concerns were the mess/getting it in and out which are all made easier in the comfort of your own bog. I’m a tampon girl usually, I opt for super (sometimes regular) and prefer Tampax pearl, which I think we can all admit are expensive and pretty crap for the environment.
The first time I put it in was a little tricky, I won’t lie when I say it is quite beefy and there is an element of shoving to get it up before it unfolds but it was not painful.Danielle
I came on during a Sunday afternoon this month, the first day is usually more of a “Hi I’m here” than a “WHAT UP BITCH MOTHER NATURE HAS ARRIVED” so I chilled out and decided I’d pop Mr cup in before I went to bed. I must admit I was pretty excited to come on and give it a go. The first time I put it in was a little tricky, I won’t lie when I say it is quite beefy and there is an element of shoving to get it up before it unfolds but it was not painful. Immediately I liked the feel and even though I knew it was in there it didn’t feel any more foreign than a tampon. My only worry at this point was getting it out (especially after knowing Zoe had some trouble).
When I woke up in the morning I was ready to see what the situation was and when I tried to pull on the little plastic bit to get him out it was like pulling a bag of sand with a headphone jack, absolutely not happening. This is because part of the cup’s deal is that it works with suction and you need to break the seal for it to come out easily. I had a small panic and took the advice so many left in Zoe’s YT comments which was to stand in the bath and ‘bear down’ LOL. The cup came a little further south and I was able to grab the base and pinch it leading old’ cup to pop right out. This then became my way going forward, and although it’s good to feel the little plastic pull so you know where the cup is, I always reach for the base of the cup to remove.
As previously mentioned I was now excited to see how the cup held up in my heavier days and I have to say it was fantastic. absolutely no leakage, left it in for hours at a time and the cup was never overflowing. I’m annoyed it’s taken me so long to try a period cup and I’m so pleased that all I have to bring with me when I’m travelling is the cup, it’s also discreet enough to have in your handbag so I’ll never be caught short again. This is probably TMI but here we are, my favourite thing about the cup is not having to worry about changing my tampon when using the toilet for OtHeR things. My stomach basically explodes during my time of the month which is super fun, and now I don’t have to worry about pulling out a dry tampon.
If you’re thinking about trying a cup DO IT. It might not work for everyone but it’s so worth trying!
Zoe…
I wanted to start my review with a stat that I saw on the BetterCup instagram page which had me SHOOK. ‘On average, each person will dispose of 11,000 tampons and pads in their lifetime”, that is a LOT of landfill and waste and that statistic alone made me excited to give the cup a go! Much like Lareese and Danielle, I’d heard about menstrual cups, but I just ignorantly thought I’d never get on with them so never tried.
I was actually first introduced to a menstrual cup back in 2012 when I worked for a charity trust. They had one in the toilets with a poster behind it listing all the environmental benefits, but it just looked absolutely terrifying. Fast forward 8 years and I’m sitting on the toilet, folding the better cup in my hands and squeezing it in. I didn’t really know what to expect with a menstrual cup but had a lot of fun researching different cups, different insertion folds and watching others reviews online before trying myself. I’m a tampon girl, always have been, so inserting the cup wasn’t alien to me, in fact, I’d say I pretty much nailed it… or nailed myself if you like. If you are a pad wearer and aren’t as used to anything being inserted, it might take you a little longer to perfect this stage, but I’ve heard that’s quite normal and that it’s something you get used to the more you do it. So the cup is in and I go about my day.
I’m already absolutely loving it. Cups can be left in for 10-12 hours depending on how heavy your flow is and the joy of feeling like I could go about my day until that evening when I’d be going to bed, was PURE HEAVEN. I didn’t feel the cup once it was in there either and I’d almost go as far as to say I almost forgot I was on my period.
My cup seemed to have completely disappeared into the abyss that is apparently my vaginal canal.
Moving swiftly into the evening, it was time to empty the cup, give it a rinse and pop it back in. Here is where I had trouble. My cup seemed to have completely disappeared into the abyss that is apparently my vaginal canal. I pushed down (hard), I got into every position imaginable, I pretty much fisted myself trying to grab the cup. I could just about reach the tip of the stem with the tips of my fingernails but as the cup is kept in with the help of a vacuum, in order to release it you must first break that vacuum seal, so pulling down on the stem doesn’t actually help in any way. It felt like my insides were being sucked on. After hours of trying, I eventually had to ask my boyfriend to help me for fear of having to make an appointment with my GP. After an hour of awkward poses, being naked from the waist down with the “big light” on and a lot of laughing so hard we were crying, it flew out across the bathroom. We sighed in relief at the sight of the safe arrival.
Day two, I didn’t even consider not trying again, I was not going to be defeated. I found it easy to insert again, didn’t feel it all day and, despite last nights issue, I was a cup convert! I felt like my life had changed for the better (or the BetterCup, excuse the pun). Evening rolled around, 12 hours was up and it was time to give removing it another go. I had a really good feeling about it too! Fingers reach in and…where’s the cup? It had disappeared again. SO high up I could barely touch it. Long story short, I tried removing the cup at 10.30pm and eventually it was removed (by my boyfriend again) at 2.15am. Hours and hours of watching every YouTube video about cup removal, googling “my cup is stuck” and reading every search result. This time there was less laughing and more panic. I really didn’t want to have to ask my doctor to remove it for me. I also felt so defeated and sad. I loved it so much but realised in this moment that trying it for a third time would probably not be the best idea.
I wanted more than anything to master the “pinch the base of the cup” technique and wiggle it out, but I just couldn’t get that far up. After much googling, I found a lot of people had mentioned that the length of your cervix can really alter the size or length of the cup you should use and that it’s good to measure it and find out. I also noticed that some cups can suction themselves to your cervix, so I’m thinking one of those two things probably happened with me due to the nature of how I’m built down there.
I found it very easy to insert, comfortable to wear, no leaking, can wear it all day, lasts 10 years, better for the environment. Zoe
I’m definitely going to try a few suggested “longer” cups and see if I can make those work for me, but I do feel sad that BetterCup clearly felt too cosy in there and didn’t want to come out. I don’t think my experience should put you off trying, however (it certainly won’t put me off trying again). I found it very easy to insert, comfortable to wear, no leaking, can wear it all day, lasts 10 years, better for the environment.
There are certainly more positives with my experience than negatives, but my one negative sadly prevents me from easily removing it, which is kind of a vital part in the process haha! The menstrual cup will not defeat me and as no two vaginas are the same, it’s about finding something that will work for me and my apparently cavernous cave of wonder.
Darcey…
Let me start this off with the fact that I was very, very anti-tampons, so I became a sanitary towel kinda gal and have been for years. I have always found tampons really uncomfortable, even if I shove them as far as they can possibly go, I would feel it still or it would just make it’s way back down until he was basically poking out. I hated the dryness too of pulling a tampon out on a lighter period, which I had when I was taking the contreceptive pill. So, when I came off the pill in January my periods became more regular and heavier, lasting 4-5 days with my second and third day being the heaviest. So I was after something a bit more sturdier than a sanitary towel to accompany my new flow.
So when the team discussed trialling out a cup, I was intrigued, but also certain I wouldn’t get along with it. I mean firstly, it is bloody massive at first glance. I know vaginas are made to push out a child, but the cup can be intimidating that’s for sure. I also thought if I don’t get along with tampons, will I really get along with a cup? I was unsure but I wanted to give it a go! So the first day of my period arrived and I got my cup ready, sterilised and ready to be inserted. I had to hype myself up at the fear it was going to be impossible to get in, but to my surprise it quite literally slipped up there no problem. I’m not sure how or why I had the technique down so quick, but I couldn’t believe how easy it was!
First time wearing the cup I only left it in for four hours and set a timer to remind me to go in there and check he hadn’t made his way up to my cervix (especially after Zoe’s cup experience!). Four hours passed and my timer buzzed, when I realised I had completely forgotten it was up there! I could not feel a thing. Taking the cup out first time was fairly easy too, but I was lucky that I was the last out of all of us to trial him out, so I had all the tips and tricks passed to me! I think with the cup is you have to be comfortable with just shoving your fingers up there, no messing around, to break the suction and pull it out.
I then wore the cup to bed that evening and probably had it in for around 10-11 hours, I did find after a long wear the cup did travel slightly up, but not out of reach. I found using my pelvic muscles (I think that’s the right name ha) and pushing down made the cup go lower, to the point where I could just grab it and break the suction. Removal is fairly painless, but I do find sometimes the cup folds when I’m removing it, then reopens when it’s nearly out, basically stretching out my vagina at rapid speed which can be uncomfortable haha! But other than that, which I think is something you get better at with practice, removal and inserting has been fairly straightforward for me.
All in all, I am fully converted. the cup is so convenient, I have no fear of leaking and it is so comfortable to wear. It’s great because you can just leave it in alllll day stress free, no faffing around changing it mid-day because you are off somewhere and need a fresh pad or tampon in. I haven’t tried cleaning out the cup in a public toilet yet, but I think that will be stress free too as you simply just have to wipe it clean until you have the privacy to rinse it in a sink.
If you are thinking about trying a cup, I would definitely recommend it! The cup has honestly changed my period experience for the better and I can’t see myself ever going back. Also, it lasts TEN years!! Think about all the money you will save not spending a fiver a month on pads or tampons, which lack in effectiveness at the best of times combatting leaks etc. The cup is worth a shot, it may or may not work for you, but if it works it’s going to be a real game changer!
5 Tips For Getting Your Creativity Back With Beth O’Leary
Whatever your creative outlet might be – whether you’re a writer, a crafter, a baker – we all have days when we feel like our creativity has gone out the window. So, what can you do to get it back?
We chose The Switch by Beth O’Leary for the June Zoella Book Club and immediately fell in love with her cosy writing style and characters.
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Beth is a Sunday Times bestselling author whose books have been translated into more than 30 languages. She wrote her debut novel, The Flatshare, on her train journey to and from her job at a children’s publisher.
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She now lives in the Hampshire countryside and writes full time. Today we’ve invited Beth on to the blog to talk about creativity and she’s given us 5 top tips for getting it back when you’re feeling blocked.
Whatever your creative outlet might be – whether you’re a writer, a crafter, a baker – we all have days when we feel like our creativity has gone out the window. So, what can you do to get it back?
This was the absolute dream! But it also meant… I really needed to come up with a new story.Beth O’Leary
As an author, there’s nothing quite as scary as the feeling of having no new ideas. When I got my first book deal for my debut novel, The Flatshare, my publishers bought another book from me, yet to be written. Suddenly I was under contract: I was being paid to write. This was the absolute dream! But it also meant… I really needed to come up with a new story.
One morning, my boyfriend walked in to find me sitting on the sofa, staring at the wall and squinting. ‘Umm. What are you doing?’ he asked. ‘I’m trying to come up with an idea for a book,’ I told him. ‘Is that how it works…?’ he asked.
It totally isn’t, obviously. Since then, I’ve learnt so much about how to boost my creativity. That idea for my second book, the book that would become The Switch and would be optioned by Stephen Spielberg’s production company – it definitely did not come from staring at a blank wall.
It only fully emerged when I’d stopped trying to force it.Beth O’Leary
It came when I had stopped thinking about the problem; it crept up on me by degrees, and it only fully emerged when I’d stopped trying to force it.
So, here are my top tips for getting your creativity back…
1) Stop trying. This is so counterintuitive, and if you are having to be creative on a deadline, it feels like the last thing you want to do. But I’ve discovered that if I step away from my laptop and completely let my writing go, that’s when the ideas start popping up again. See if this works for you: try taking a break for as long as you can, and just take the pressure off yourself. If nothing else, a bit of restful self-care time may well make the problem feel less stressful.
2) Get inspired. Try something out of your comfort zone – for me, that often means reading a genre I wouldn’t normally choose, like crime or historical fiction. Whatever your creative task, try seeking inspiration from an unusual location. Maybe it’ll encourage you to approach things from a different angle, and something totally random might just spark a new idea.
3) Give yourself headspace. It can be hard to let your mind wander in the modern world. Social media, emails, whatsapp messages that are waiting for replies… they all pull at our attention in the little pockets of downtime we have in the day. Try allocating yourself some time each day to just be. I recommend having a long bubble bath with your phone out of the room – I’ve lost count of the number of plot problems I’ve solved in the bath!
4) Sleep more. Often a really good night’s sleep seems to make it easier for me to think laterally and come up with something original. And scientific research backs this up: for instance, this Nature study set participants a mathematical problem, then sent them away for eight hours. Those people who slept in that time were twice as likely to spot a hidden, abstract rule that allowed them to solve the problem simply. Sleep also gives your brain the chance to dream, which often provides creatives with inspiration: Jimi Hendrix wrote ‘Purple Haze’ about a dream he’d had, and Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight started with an image from a dream too. So, maybe going to bed earlier could be the key to unlocking your creativity again!
5) Write down what you do come up with. It might just be a fraction of an idea, or something you’re almost certain is no use at all, but jot it down anyway. Those little grains might well grow into something bigger. And if you keep doing this all the time, not just in your uncreative spells, then you could end up with a pool of material that you can come back to when the ideas aren’t flowing quite so freely. I have a document called ‘book ideas on the go’ which is full of scattered half-concepts, odd phrases and a lot of absolute nonsense. But the book I’m writing at the moment, The Road Trip, grew from a tiny idea on that very document, jotted down more than three years ago. Sometimes the kindling for your creativity has been there all along, just waiting for one tiny spark to set it going.
Whether your heading back to work this year or simply need to replace your trusty haggard-looking black tote, we've picked 21 of the best we could find to satisfy all your sack needs!
Big bags, small bags, smart bags, fun bags. Bags for lugging your laptop around town, bags for going from desk to drinks. Gym bags, shopping bags, popping to the beach bags. Whatever the occasion a good outfit deserves an equally good accessory.
Whether your heading back to work this year or simply need to replace your trusty haggard-looking black tote, we’ve picked 21 of the best we could find to satisfy all your sack needs!
We catch up with another talented seller who worked with us on the Zoella X Etsy Collaboration; Stella of Atelier Stella Ceramics to discover more about her charming pots creations.
First of all, how have you been coping with the pandemic this year?
It allowed me to have a much-needed reset – I’m a workaholic and I always take on too much and then run around trying to get everything done so the lockdown gave me a chance to stop. Mentally it was good to slow down without the pressure of work. I spent more time, cooking, baking and a lot of gardening.
Has it affected how you operate your business?
I feel like I was in a lucky position, having an online business and being able to work alone in my studio. I did close the shop for 6 weeks during the lockdown but then reopened and have been busier than ever.
How long have you been selling on Etsy for?
I opened my Etsy shop back in 2012 and run it alongside my own website.
What did you study to be able to work on your art for a living?
I studied Graphic Design at Uni and then worked in London as a children’s book illustrator/designer for 8 years before taking the plunge and opening my ceramic studio.
The collection is constantly changing as I have so many new ideas I just need to find the time to make them! Next on the list are some new pieces for Christmas.
It went really smoothly, the Zoella/ Etsy team sent over some ideas of pieces they liked and mood boards for patterns colours. I did some glaze tests and came up with a prototype which was approved the first time.
What’s the best thing about working for yourself?
Being able to take the afternoon off to go for a sea swim when the sun is shining.
How long does your end to end process take when designing and selling something new for your shop?
It varies as some new pieces I design I add straight to the shop and others sit on the shelf for a while so I can think about tweaks or glaze ideas. But generally, I could probably get a new piece from a paper sketch to photographed and in the shop in about 2/3 weeks.
What inspires you?
The collection evolves with influences from vintage ceramics, folk art, ancient pottery and geometric shapes. I keep a sketchbook of notes and mix all my ideas to create something that is uniquely my style.
How do you relax outside of work?
Two years ago I set about transforming our overgrown garden, I’ve put a lot of time and love into it and I spend hours pottering, drinking coffee and staring at the flowers.
If you could give one piece of advice to our audience who want to start making their own products what would it be?
Take your time and experiment! It’s easy to copy what someone else is doing and get a quick product but if you make something from the heart that is yours, you will never tire of making it and will always be proud of your originality.
Zoella Book Club: Our Picks For September Through To December
Since we know how much you fellow bibliophiles love to get ahead with your reading, we thought we’d release our Zoella Book Club picks from now right through until the end of the year.
Since we know how much you fellow bibliophiles love to get ahead with your reading, we thought we’d release our Zoella Book Club picks from now right through until the end of the year. And boy oh boy what an awesome foursome we’ve got for ya! Your TBR stack is about to be shook.
Following on from our commitment to shake up our old reading habits and make our Book Club a more inclusive community, we are thrilled to announce Queenie as our September pick. After winning book of the year at this year’s British Book Awards, we just know we’re onto a goodun here!
A darkly comic and unflinchingly raw take on life as a young black woman trying to navigate her way in the world, Queenie is about identity, race, independence and carving your own path. This is the kind of heroine 2020 needs – you’ll be rooting for her every step of the way.
From the winner of the YA book prize 2020 – aka Queen of (our) Hearts Juno Dawson, comes this modern-day reworking of a well-loved tale and a searing exploration of gender, mental health and privilege. This is one fictional rabbit hole we don’t mind tumbling down.
Alice lives in a world of stifling privilege and luxury – but none of it means anything when your own head plays tricks on your reality. When her troubled friend Bunny goes missing, Alice becomes obsessed with finding her. On the trail of her last movements, Alice discovers a mysterious invitation to ‘Wonderland’: the party to end all parties – three days of hedonistic excess to which only the elite are welcome. Will she find Bunny there? Or is this really a case of finding herself? Because Alice has secrets of her own, and ruthless socialite queen Paisley Hart is determined to uncover them, whatever it takes. Alice is all alone, miles from home and without her essential medication. She can trust no-one, least of all herself, and now she has a new enemy who wants her head…
Say hello to your new major YA obsession! The Magpie Society is a young adult gothic thriller fiction series, co-written by Zoe and Amy. The first instalment in the murder mystery series will be told via the alternating perspectives of the two lead protagonists, Audrey – written by Amy – and Ivy – written by Zoe, with the narrative jointly plotted by both authors. Prepare to be well and truly gripped. Coming October, 29 and available for pre-order now. Salute at the ready!
A STUDENT FOUND DEAD ON THE BEACH. A WEB OF UNANSWERED QUESTIONS. SOMEONE POISED TO STRIKE AGAIN. Illumen Hall is a boarding school of tradition and achievement. But tragedy strikes when the body of a student is discovered on the beach – and on her back is an elaborate tattoo of a magpie. For new student Audrey, it is just another strange and unsettling thing about her new surroundings, along with the secrets the school seems to hide and its weird obsession with magpies. For her roommate Ivy, the death of her friend Lola is just one thing she desperately wants to get past – and having a new student asking questions and cluttering up her personal space is not helping a bit. But the two girls are forced into an unlikely alliance when a mysterious podcast airs, with one sinister headline: I KNOW WHO KILLED LOLA. AND ONE OF YOU IS NEXT.
Come Winter, we like our fiction like we like our pancakes. Fluffy, fluffy, fluffy. Sinking into a snuggly Christmas read is a tradition we all look forward to and we’re not holding back on the cosy festive feels this year, not after the 2020 we’ve all had. One read of the blurb and you’ll feel an uncontrollable urge to curl up under a blanket with a mince pie in tow.
Residential-home caterer Connie has had one online-dating disaster too many. Hurt in the past and with her son to consider, now she’s feeling hesitant. Then one of Connie’s residents sets her up on a date at a beautiful German Christmas market – with the promise she’ll take a mini-bus full of pensioners with her… Amongst the twinkling lights and smell of warm gingerbread in the old market square, Connie heads off on her date with a check-list of potential partner must-haves. Baker Henrich ticks all the boxes, but when Connie meets Henrich’s rival William, she starts to wonder if ticking boxes is the answer. Will Connie’s wish for love this Christmas come true, and if so – with who?
We hope you’ll read along with us. Let us know which Book Club picks you can’t wait to get into!
From nude to neon, pastel to playful, these are our current faves for when your bottom drawer could use a spruce up. You look great- we promise!
If you’re anything like us, the past few months have been spent exclusively in loungewear and without a lacy undie or underwired bra in sight. But as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and we can’t help but feel eager to pop on a matching two piece or slinky number and make the effort, even for our eyes only.
Comfort = confidence in our book!
And style doesn’t have to mean a compromise on comfort, because you best believe we’re not about that ‘ugh I can’t wait to get this thong OFF’ by 10am. Oh no no, comfort = confidence in our book, and boy have we picked some good ‘uns!
From nude to neon, pastel to playful, these are our current faves for when your bottom drawer could use a spruce up. You look great- we promise!
Lareese
I’m a huge advocate of letting the girls hang free but when the annual event of wearing a bra rolls around, I want something that feels as good as going braless and nothing less. The Nude Label has such a great edit of comfortable, barely-there organic cotton basics made for everyday wear. Ethically made from soft, sustainable GOTS Certified organic cotton and available in beautiful colourways, they’re pretty much the only brand that could convince me to wear lingerie.
The further into my thirties I go the less I care about style and the more I’m all about the comfort and ease. I’m not talking beige briefs just yet (not that there’s anything wrong with those!) but I’ve slowly started to ditch the underwire in favour of cute crop top bras, bandeaus and bralettes. Who says sexy can’t be comfortable?! Free people do some really gorgeous ones in every colour that I’m definitely lusting over.
I’m yet to try out Savage X Fenty but I love what they’re about and as I’m a gal with gigantic tits my options can be somewhat limited in the lingerie dept. This set is slightly sexy but still comfortable enough to actually wear at the house ha!
I’m definitely into much comfier lingerie now than the ones I wore through most of my twenties. I like a soft, non-wired fit where I feel like I also get the support and if it’s cute or a bit more schhhexy then that’s just a bonus. There is definitely something that sparks a bit of confidence in starting your day off with a nice matching set. I have a couple of sets from Beija London and they are my favourite. They tick all the boxes for me! I also love a cotton bra and brief every now and then too, especially with all the work-from-home days!
Give me some big, comfy, loose-fitting knickers over a thong ANY day of the week! I love the cute ditsy patterns of these two and know they’d be comfy enough for workouts, tight jeans and long walks- the key criteria that underwear must pass in my book. I rarely wear a bra (flat-chested life has its perks) but when I do, anything with lace in a pastel colourway is a surefire win.
I love a lingerie set, but I definitely go more towards comfort and less towards lace. I love these sets from les girls les boys which are super stylish in my eyes, but also look super comfy too, what more could you want really!
Between You And Me: Answering Your Problems Part 7
This month, we’re discussing how to deal with competitive friends on social media, redundancy and job hunting in the midst of coronavirus, university nerves, getting back into the dating game when you're a mum and wanting children at different times.
Welcome back to our monthly instalment of Between You & Me, a little nook of the website we’ve created for listening to your life problems, sharing our experiences and nurturing our personal growth together, all with open hearts and open minds.
This month, we’re discussing how to deal with competitive friends on social media, redundancy and job hunting in the midst of coronavirus, university nerves, getting back into the dating game when you’re a mum and wanting children at different times.
Life-giving you way too many lemons right now? Let’s make some lemonade up in here! Send your problems to Betweenyouandme@zoella.co.uk and we’ll do our best to answer them next month.
Zoe
First of all, you are certainly not a big black hole of nothingness, you seem like the most caring, compassionate and giving person ever. What it sounds like here, if I use a metaphor; you are constantly making the effort to fill everyone else’s cup from your own, thus leaving yours empty, which you then cannot continue to pour from. I can imagine it feels lonely if you don’t feel as though anyone else can make you feel the way you are able to make others feel. Do your friends or family recognise that you might need that every now and then? If not, I think it’s perfectly okay to ask for it. Friendships are a two-way thing and both should make equal efforts to maintain it. Sometimes people are quick to think the “positive, advice-giving, always there with a helping hand, knows the right things to say” friend is the one who’s always happy, fulfilled and brimming with a zest for life, but that’s not always the case and it might be worth reminding them of that. I’m so sorry you feel this way about yourself too. Sounds like you need to be gentle with yourself and allow yourself a bit of time to recharge your batteries and emotional energy! Do things you enjoy, be around people or places that make you happy, talk to people about how you’re feeling, dip back into the hobby you used to love but don’t have time for anymore. Prioritise how you feel over making sure others are feeling okay! Sending you a huge hug x
Lareese
Let me just say that you sound like a bloody wonderful human, who’s incredibly willing to be all the things to all the people, so much so that you forget to look out for yourself, which breaks my heart! You mention feeling a sense of loneliness, as though no one is there for you when you need it the most and I wonder if the people in your life assume that you’re the one who’s always doing ok. Right as rain. Tickety-boo! If you’ve taken up this role of being everyone else’s shoulder to cry on, there’s probably a bit of an assumption on their part that you’re bound to be fine because, well, you’re you! You’re the rock. You’re everyone else’s ‘constant’. It sounds like by the time you’re done giving the best of you to please everyone else, there’s nada left for you. You’re so comfortable honouring everyone else and their emotional boundaries that you’re neglecting your own fulfilment. There’s a difference between giving and burning out.
Do some introspection and set some quality time aside for yourself to prioritise your needs. Book a weekend out in your diary to do things that make your heart happy just for the sake of it, either alone or with those people who you know will lift you up. It’s not selfish to practise self-compassion – I think you need to learn to show up for yourself as you do so readily for others and sometimes that means saying no to other things in order to bump yourself up that priority list. The other thing I’d say is don’t be afraid to reach out. If you’re struggling, put your hands up and say help a girl out. You are only human and you need people, too. That’s what a healthy relationship and friendship with boundaries is – if you’re happy, they’re happy. Sending you a big squeeze, Lareese xx
Danielle
Hey Anon, thank you so much for writing in, I’m so sorry to hear about how your year has gone. My mum and a few of my closest friends are cabin crew so I know how hard the travel industry has been hit as well as how stressful and worrying the last few months have been.
Firstly you need to take a deep breathe in and think about this experience differently, obviously, the prospect of losing your job is awful but sometimes it can lead to a new prospect and it can give you the push you need to do something out of your comfort zone that might make you happier.
Sit down with a positive mind frame and start making some good old fashioned lists. What are the parts of your job that you enjoy the most? What are some of the skills you currently use at your job that you think could transfer into other areas? This will help you fine-tune what you’re looking for and will help you craft the best cover letter for any opportunities you find. What else are you interested in? Do you have a hobby or passion that you love to do? Now could be the time to move into a sector that perhaps wouldn’t feel like work at all.
Although you are correct with jobs being thin on the ground in some industries others are booming, are there any UK based travel opportunities you could look in to? Keep your ear to the ground when it comes to different sectors that have seen an uplift in business because of COVID and see if you can get your foot in the door.
A well-written email and cover letter simply asking if a company has any opportunities will do you the world of good.
Also remember the travel industry will bounce back eventually, knowing you could always go back to your old job when the time is right is a positive thought, and who knows if you find something better in the meantime!
Lareese
Hey lovely! Working in the travel industry at this time is bound to be rocky. I’m so sorry you’re going through the mill with it! Having been made redundant before (albeit kinda out the blue, unlike your situation), I know first-hand how uncertain and terrifying life can feel when your job is taken away from you, through no fault of your own. A huge amount of my sense of purpose and self-worth comes from work, so I totally understand what you’re going through. Given the current climate, the prospect of job hunting is bound to be daunting but I’d say take this time to reflect on what you really want to do next. When I look back and think about being made redundant, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through – I felt totally lost, utterly worthless and well, completely redundant! But hindsight is a wonderful thing and having gone through it and come out the other side, I know there was a lesson in there for me. I wasn’t on the right path, I wasn’t happy in my job, I was commuting 3 hours door-to-door every day, so it was definitely a blessing in disguise, though it didn’t feel like it at the time. While that may not be the case for you as it sounds like you’re in an industry you love, that doesn’t mean you can’t see this as an opportunity to really interrogate your hopes and dreams going forward. What is the lesson in this for you? Had I not been made redundant, I would never have had the push to go freelance and carve a career on my own terms. As for the stress – I think it would be bloody rich for me to say nahh don’t stress hun, because this is a huge life change, you’re going to be stressed so allow yourself the permission to go through the motions with it. Once I’d sat with my feelings for a while I set out a, ‘what’s next for me!’ contingency plan and I was able to be a lot more pragmatic about my approach to job hunting after that. This could be a new beginning as well as the end of something, you know? If you never went into travel, what would you be doing now? What’s the dream? What’s the 5-year-plan? In terms of the job hunt itself, lean on people you know both in the industry and outside of it, nurture those connections, family friends with businesses that are thriving in lockdown. No job is forever, either! After I was made redundant I took a few months out, then got myself an in-betweeny job in a shop to allow me the financial freedom to figure out my next career move. When I started to see this bad news as more of an opportunity than a hindrance, my whole perspective changed. I know that’s not always the case but a lot of good can come out of this period of introspection. I was chatting to my mum the other day and I asked her what her dream job would be… she said, oh, no one has ever asked me that before! Sometimes you just need to sound out your options with other people to figure out how you really feel. Perhaps you take these next few months to update your cv and identify the transferrable skills you can take with you in this next chapter – do all the life admin things you’d normally put on the back burner and send out as many cover letters for potential job roles as possible. And, it’s like Danielle says, the travel sector will bounce back and so will you! Sending you all the posi vibes – let us know how you get on! Lots of love, Lareese xx
Charlotte
Hello!
This is a really complex issue but I’m so pleased you were able to write in as it sounds like it’s having a major impact on your friendship but through no real fault of your own! Although jealousy can feel like a shameful and embarrassing trait, I don’t think the origins of this feeling are always bad or done with malicious intentions. Whilst it’s extremely frustrating for you, I would hope that your friend is simply not aware of how her actions are impacting your friendship rather than doing anything with the intent of hurting you.
Having said that, it’s something that needs to stop for a happy and healthy friendship to continue, so a conversation needs to be had even if the thought of confrontation makes you anxious.
Do you think it’s social media in particular that brings out this jealous side of her? It sounds like your different Internet usage habits are highlighting this trait, so it might be worth explicitly saying to her that social media isn’t really your bag and you much prefer when you’re able to chat and hang out IRL!
In terms of her making your achievements into a competition, this probably stems from insecurity on her part and a desire to live out the things she can see you doing so well. Depending on what seems to be bothering her, you could always suggest doing some of these things together and bonding over experiences that you can both share. This won’t work in every circumstance, and you should be able to feel you can grow and succeed without any bitterness from her, so if trying to include her more doesn’t work, I think a conversation definitely needs to be had for you to move forward positively.
Along with everything else that’s changed in 2020, friendships have been impacted too, so don’t worry that this bad patch is permanent. Hopefully, some honest conversations and effort from both you and her will put this issue to bed so you can continue your lovely friendship!
Good luck!
x
Zoe
Hello! This sounds super frustrating and I totally understand about hating confrontation as I too find it super uncomfortable. One thing to remember though is that as we grow and change, we will find ourselves having to jump a few hurdles to keep friendships close and adapt those friendships as we grow as people. It’s healthy to have conversations with your best friend when something is upsetting you, in order for you both to grow closer and close that issue and move forward. It definitely doesn’t need to end in an argument but it’s clear you value her as this is upsetting you so it’s definitely worth bringing up with her. A couple of suggestions: Possibly think about writing her a letter if face to face feels a little daunting. Ensure that however you decide to speak with her whether that’s face to face or written, you need to be in a calm and collected mood, do not spark a conversation off the back of feeling frustrated at her. Remind her that it’s coming from a place of love and that you just want to resolve it as it’s upsetting you. You never know, something could be troubling her too which might be where her different behaviour is coming from. It could be something much deeper that the two of you can chat about together. If once you speak with her she doesn’t acknowledge how you feel, give her a bit of space but never allow her to make you feel rubbish! Good luck! xx
Danielle
Hey Anon, firstly congratulations for getting into Uni and deciding this is the year to head off! It’s a massive feat and one that people often take for granted. It’s probably useful to know that EVERYONE heading to a new city for Uni is feeling nervous about making friends believe me! You’re in the same boat as a lot of people and you are not alone. My biggest piece of advice is Be Yourself. Simple but effective, don’t try to fit in, don’t do things that aren’t up your street to please others, just be honest, open and unequivocally you and you’ll attract your people. Try not to overthink social interactions as this can sometimes be my downfall. If you know where you are staying there are sometimes FB groups where you can chat to people you’ll be living with, this could ease your anxiety as you’ll be heading there already knowing a few people.
Don’t worry about finding some elusive ‘forever friends’ in your halls or course, sometimes you have to ‘kiss a lot of frogs’ before you find people you vibe with but going out of your comfort zone like this is such a fantastic opportunity and will help you build confidence for the rest of your life! It’s so easy for me to say “don’t worry about this or that” as it’s much easier said than done and of course you’re going to be worrying, I guess my main takeaway is too take it easy, and keep reminding yourself that everyone else is worried and anxious too!
Darcey
Hi Anon!
Firstly, congrats on getting into Uni, as scary as it seems now the best years of your life are ahead of you! Also, I really admire your courage going to Uni after having some difficult years with mental illness and shielding in the pandemic, I think you are braver than you think you are!
Starting Uni is scary for everyone and I can guarantee you won’t be alone; everyone is in the same boat and will be wanting to be social and find people they click with. Meeting new people at Uni is probably the best part, I finished Uni last year and I made friends for life! Moving away from home can be really daunting and I totally get the anxiety around that, I moved all the way to Sheffield from Brighton when I started Uni and I was so worried about missing my family, friends and home city. But really, Uni will become home and once it finishes you won’t want to leave!
One tip to feel comfortable and at home is to make your room as nice as possible! In my first year I hesitated to decorate my room that much and adding personal touches, but I think it feeling like your space is so important. Go all out with the personal touches and you’ll feel way more at home. Step out of your comfort zone and get socialising with flatmates and course mates (especially if you don’t like your flatmates much haha), the first week of Uni you feel like you meet SO many people but it’s a great way to feel more comfortable too, knowing you have people you can message and hang out with.
The first few weeks might feel a bit uneasy at times as you adjust, but Uni is such a great experience and I truly think you will have an amazing time. Embrace the experience and just be yourself, that’s all you can do!
Good luck with everything in the future.
Charlotte
Hi there!
I think the fact that you’re so concerned and empathetic in thinking about how best to support your pal is the first step in the right direction. You’re right that the subject of eating disorders can be an extremely sensitive one, and you considering the best route to help your friend without being invasive will go such a long way. Personally, when I’m dealing with a low period of mental health, it’s very easy for me to withdraw from everything and get caught up in my head. I’ll often not reply to messages or get overwhelmed at the thought of having to explain how I’m feeling to family/friends which makes me withdraw more! So whilst it might feel pushy to double text or give your friend a call, I think sometimes having people that pass no judgement at their sporadic communication and keep going in checking in is so important. Knowing that you’re there for her always might be the reassurance she needs that her worries aren’t ‘too much’ and that she can rely on you.
Perhaps the regularity and set time of her CAMHS appointments might be a good time to check in with her? If she mentions to you when these appointments are, a ‘good luck’ or ‘hope it goes well’ message beforehand could be so reassuring, as is a ‘you did it!’ message afterwards. Hopefully, your willingness to talk about these meetings and genuine interest in how she’s doing will prompt her to open up to you if she wants, safe in the knowledge that she has you to fall back on as and when she needs.
As you mentioned, it’s definitely a difficult topic for her to be forthcoming with, so as well as addressing it and not treating it like the elephant in the room, I think more than anything she would want your relationship to remain the same and have a sense of familiarity to it. Keep suggesting the ‘normal’ things you guys enjoy doing together, as I’m sure some escapism and distraction from everything else that’s going on in her life would be so welcome. If you’re worried about being pushy or putting her in an uncomfortable position when socialising, maybe send some options ahead of time and see what she fancies! Letting her take the lead will help prevent her from feeling trapped and stop you from worrying about pushing her out of her comfort zone. Some suggestions like a picnic, walk in the park, road trip, shopping day or lunch out might be good places to start.
Best of luck to you both, and remember to look after yourself and keep your mental health in check too- you deserve to treat yourself with the same kindness and care you reserve for others.
Charlotte
xx
Darcey
Hi Anon!
You are such a kind friend for reaching out for some guidance and she is really lucky to have a friend like you. I think sometimes there isn’t a right or wrong answer, or a guidebook on how to approach difficult situations like this.
For your friend, she probably just wants her friend and some normality. I think approach her as you usually would, message her about the things you normally chat about and I think she’ll really appreciate the normality. Sometimes when someone is going through a hard time, people constantly asking them how they are doing can be a bit overwhelming and a reminder of the difficulties they are facing.
But of course, you still want to make sure she is doing okay with her recovery and mentally doing well too. I think you just being around and telling her you are here for her; she will come to you if she is feeling low or struggling. It can be really easy for people to close up and to shut people out when they are having a hard time, so treading slowly and kindly is always the best way to not overwhelm someone.
Just let your friend know that you are here for her every step of the way, through the bad and the good, that you are here if she ever needs to vent or express how she’s feeling. Really that’s all you can really do is just be there for her. Invite her out to do whatever you usually do for fun and just be a good distraction for her, that she will more than likely really appreciate.
You are an amazing friend and things will get easier for your friend. Make sure to not overwhelm yourself too as your mental health is just as important and so remember to take care of it. Best of luck to you both Xx
Maddie
Hi and thank you for writing into us, I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been feeling lonely lately. Depression and mental health statistics have more than doubled since before lockdown so I really hope that you’re speaking to your friends and family about how you’re feeling and if you’re ever feeling down are reaching out for support. Firstly congratulations on raising two teenagers by yourself, the phrase “it takes a village” comes from the days where new mothers would live with their mums, aunties and grandparents so raising children really was a shared family task. Doing it by yourself is a huge achievement and I can only imagine how hard it must have been at times. It’s so exciting that you feel ready to meet someone new, I’m a firm believer that you can start over and find love at any age. In the Zoella book club, we recently read a book called “The Switch” which features an 80 year old trying online dating for the first time in a quest to find adventure and love. It was brilliant and a great example of how putting yourself out there can have amazing results. It seems like an obvious one but have you tried online dating? It’s where I met my husband and where 90% of new relationships I know have started, it’s a great tool to meet new people and is the perfect first step to dating again. It’s also a great way to build confidence speaking to new people and you can dip your toe in slowly and at your own pace. Good luck and most of all have fun! Some of the most fun times in my life were when I was newly dating, they weren’t all successful dates mind you but they made for some great stories with my girlfriends over wine at the weekend!
Lareese
Hey, thank you for sharing this with us, it’s never easy to open up particularly when it comes to talking about feeling lonely or wanting to meet someone new. I feel like it’s such a taboo subject, particularly among women in their 30s – social conditioning tells us we should have all it all figured out by now but life almost never happens like that! I’m not a mum but I can only imagine how much having children takes over your whole life – they become your priority and I think a lot of mums I know grapple with who they are outside of motherhood, so good for you for acknowledging your needs and exploring the idea of dating again. Now your kids are teens and getting more independent, it’s the perfect time to start focusing on you! One of the good things to come out of lockdown is the virtual dating boom. Embrace it, dip your toes in the water and start connecting with potential love interests. Holy mackerel, I sound like an 80-year-old, love interests? Who says that, haha! But seriously, online dating gives you the freedom to make genuine romantic connections with people on your terms, at your own pace and from the comfort of your own home (while wearing your comfy pjs – winning). Getting to know someone online before meeting them IRL and making any real commitments gives you the chance to see if there’s any real chemistry there. Should you decide to meet up when the time’s right, you’ll already have plenty to talk about which will do wonders for your confidence and help get rid of those first date nerves. Also, let yourself live! You’ve spent the last few years throwing yourself into motherhood, this is your time to have fun and that’s so empowering and exciting. You don’t have to fall in love with them, (I mean, bloody brilliant if you do) but you’re allowed to enjoy the rush of harmless flirting again without the pressure of finding The One. This is such an exciting time for you so try and enjoy every moment. Go get ’em TIGER. Lots of love, Lareese xx
Danielle
Hey Anon, Thanks so much for writing in and being so open, I think a lot of women probably find themselves in a similar situation, as women do tend to be ready before their partner when it comes to having kids. Let’s look at the positives; you’ve already met the man of your dreams and are married, he loves you very much and does want kids too, you have (by the sounds of it) lots of nieces and nephews in the family to love and cherish. When it comes to having kids it’s a two-way street, and while I know there are women that are born wanting to be a mother it’s not fair to jump the gun and pressure your other half into taking that leap before they are ready. If you have them too soon and your partner feels like they didn’t do some of the things they wanted to before children he may end up resenting you later on in life, you both have to be on the same page and respect each other’s decisions, that’s what marriage is all about. It’s tough when you feel like you’re missing out and as you have older siblings I’m sure you want kids of a similar age, but patience is a virtue in this situation, so while you’re waiting try and be the best fun aunty you can be before you have to devote your time to your own. I’m sure you talk about it with your partner a lot but instead of it feeling you’re nagging him, just make him aware of some of your feelings, of why you want children now, your emptiness and you’re upset, not to make him feel guilty, but so he knows what kind of headspace you’re in. Maybe see if you can come up with a plan together of when could be a good year to go for it, and what he’d like to achieve or do before having children. Of course, plans like this sometimes go off-piste, but it may put your mind at ease! Hang in there anon, you’re young and happy and will get your chance to be a wonderful mother one day.
Maddie
Hi and thanks so much for sharing your worries with us. I think it’s natural in a couple that you’re not always going to be ready for certain big next steps at the same time, being married doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to be immediately synced up for what comes next and it’s all about compromise and understanding. The important thing is you continue to communicate how you’re feeling with your husband and listen to each other. Having children is a huge decision and commitment and it really does need both parties to be fully on board because it’s completely life-changing. It would be far worse in my opinion if your partner wasn’t honest with you and realised too late that he’s not ready to be a father. I know it’s hard but try and be patient, you have so much time and life ahead of you, use this time to enjoy one another while it’s just the two of you and you have the freedom to be selfish. My advice on how to be patient would be to try and find something else to fulfil that desire for something new and the next step, whether that’s a career advancement, travelling (when it’s safe to do so), taking on a new hobby or sport, getting a pet, moving house or renovating, starting a business or donating your time to a cause that means something to you. What’s great is that he does want children so your time will come and it will be so worth the wait.
5 Bank Holiday Outfits Under £150 For Every Occasion
To help you get ready for the three-day weekend, we’ve pulled together some outfit ideas to see you through every occasion.
To help you get ready for the three-day weekend, we’ve pulled together some outfit ideas to see you through every occasion. Whether you’re catching the rays at the beach, heading out with the girls for a few sun-soaked tipples or staying firmly attached to your sofa, we’ve done the leg work so you can use the last long weekend of the year to sit back, relax and let the bank holi-yay good times roll.
Summer in the city The receipt: £149.99
If you’re heading into town for some fun in the sun (we can but hope the Vitamin D gods play ball), you’ll want an outfit that will see you right through from avocado on toast to rooftop mimosas at sunset. A white smock dress is always a nifty item to have in your wardrobe, and when styled with a cottagecore worthy straw hat and wedges, it’s an all-round winner for a balmy summer date in the city.
While some of us may have scraped by in glorified pjs for the last four months, ahem, BH calls for fresh ‘n’ fancy loungewear. You can still go high stakes with your ootd even if you’re avoiding the crowds and spending some quality time with the sofa. Keep it low key and casual with comfy joggers, a spaghetti strap crop and an oversized linen shirt, so you can still feel put together, even if you do intend on spending 100% of your bank holiday horizontal. That’s what the long weekend was made for!
Off out for an amble around a National Trust beauty spot this weekend? Girl after our own heart! Pair comfy plimsolls with cool linen trousers and a gingham blouse for a look that’ll serve you well for a game of Pooh sticks along the river. Bank holiday weekends don’t get much better than getting lost in the countryside and blowing the cobwebs away a la Julie Andrews.
If we’re blessed with another heatwave this BH you may not need to travel further than your own backyard to make the most of the scorchio weather. In these circumstances, swimwear absolutely counts as daywear. Slip into your swimmers and top up your tan, or settle in the shade in a flowing maxi dress – the more breathable the better – with your book of a choice and an obligatory ice cream. Ours is a White Magnum, if you’re asking. Ps who needs footwear when you’re at home? Barefoot on the grass, listening to your favourite song is the best. Ed Sheeran KNOWS.
Bank holiday dip? We’re in there like swimwear! What better way to see out the last BH of the year than with one last summer hurrah at the seaside. Kick back in a deck chair in your happiest ‘kini and see out August in style. Ah, this is the life.
