10 Scary Reads to Sink Your Fangs Into This Halloween
From spine-chilling Stephen King classics to freaky fiction guaranteed to have you sleeping with the light on, here’s a round-up of the boo-kish delights to gorge on this Halloween.
Seeking a deliciously dark, macabre tale featuring characters and plots you’d rather hide from than sit in your bedroom with? Glad to be acquainted.
Those with a nervous disposition should probs sit this one out.
From spine-chilling Stephen King classics to freaky fiction guaranteed to have you sleeping with the light on, here’s a round-up of the boo-kish delights to gorge on this Halloween. Those with a nervous disposition should probs sit this one out. Go cuddle some kittens for a while.
Let’s ease you in gently! Despite the title, this is not your average run of the mill scary monster novel. This is a moving classic that’ll have you mopping up your tears with the nearest fake spiderweb or black cat you can find. Who knew a tree could make you so emotional.
Misery by Stephen King
Nobody does the stick-your-book-in-the-freezer fiction quite like Stephen King. Misery is about a famous novelist who crashes his car in a snowstorm and is rescued by none other than his mentally-unstable number one fan.
Paul Sheldon has plans to make the transition from writing historical romances featuring heroine Misery Chastain to publishing literary fiction. Annie Wilkes, Sheldon’s self-proclaimed number one fan, rescues the author from the scene of a car accident. The former nurse takes care of him in her remote house, but becomes irate when she discovers that the author has killed Misery off in his latest book. Annie keeps Sheldon prisoner while forcing him to write a book that brings Misery back to life. If you’re after a book that will be best placed locked in a cupboard with a padlock, this is a good shout.
Our Zoella Book Club read for October! A modern reworking of a classic tale, this is one literary rabbit hole you’ll be all too glad to stumble down. When Alice’s troubled best friend Bunny goes missing, she becomes obsessed with finding her. She begins retracing her steps and looking for clues in her pigeonhole when she discovers an invitation to Wonderland: the elite party to end all parties. Could this lead her to Bunny? Or is this really a case of finding herself?
The Deaths of December is the ultimate anti-Christmas gift, all wrapped up with a bloody bow to boot. When an advent calendar arrives at the police station, DC Becky Greene makes a gruelling discovery behind each door. As the country relaxes into festive cheer, Greene and DS Eddie Carmine must race against time to catch the killer. Because there are four doors left, and four murders will fill them… It’s an absolute cracker.
Action, suspense, plot, this book has it all going on. The first in a five-book thriller series by Gregg Hurtwitz, Orphan X is the story of Evan Smoak, who joined a top-secret operation known as the ‘Orphan Program’ when he was 12. Raised and trained as an Orphan, he was sent to bad places to do things the government denied ever happened. Then, he broke with the program, using everything he learned to disappear. But someone is on his trail. If the blurb’s anything to go by, you’re in for a nail-biting read.
A gripping high-school thriller like no other, The Magpie Society: One for Sorrow is a book you’ll want to devour in one fell swoop.
Illumen Hall is an elite boarding school of tradition and achievement. But tragedy strikes when the body of a student is found dead on the beach – and on her back is a tattoo of a magpie. For new student Audrey, it is just another strange and unsettling thing about her new surroundings, along with the secrets the school seems to hide and its weird obsession with magpies. For her roommate Ivy, the death of her friend Lola is just one thing she desperately wants to get past – and having a new student asking questions and cluttering up her personal space is not helping a bit. But the two girls are forced into an unlikely alliance when a mysterious podcast airs, with one sinister headline: I KNOW WHO KILLED LOLA. AND ONE OF YOU IS NEXT.
Chanting a ghost’s name five times in front of a candlelit mirror at a spooky boarding school… Never going to end well, guys. Asking for trouble, that! When Bobbie, her best friend Naya and cute local boy Caine agree to summon the legendary ghost, Bloody Mary, for a Halloween dare, it looks like nothing eerie happens, until Bobbie finds a message on her bathroom mirror that says: five days. Read it at your own risk, preferably five days before Halloween for peak paranoia.
A dark YA novel with one utterly compelling unreliable narrator. Seventeen-year-old Hannah Gold has always been treated like a grown up. As the only child of two New York professionals, she’s been traveling the world and functioning as a miniature adult since the day she was born. But that was then. Now, Hannah has been checked into a remote treatment facility, stripped of all autonomy and confined to a single room. Hannah knows there’s been a mistake. What happened to her roommate that summer was an accident. As soon as the doctor and judge figure out that she isn’t a danger to herself or others, she can get back to her life of promise and start her final year at school. Until then, she’s determined to win over the staff and earn some privileges so she doesn’t lose her mind to boredom.
But then she’s assigned a new roommate. At first, Lucy is the perfect project to keep Hannah’s focus off all she is missing at home. But Lucy may be the one person who can make Hannah confront the secrets she’s avoiding – and the dangerous games that landed her in confinement in the first place.
It’ll have you second-guessing yourself right the way through.
A missing girl, a desperate family, a detective at breaking point – this one’s got all the ticking-clock appeal you could ever want in your Halloween reading. If you liked The Fall, you’ll be all over this crime fiction treat. It’s the stuff of nightmares, in a good way.
Now a major Netflix series, Shirley Jackson’s best-known novel is as creepy and unsettling as they come. There’s nothing like a slow-burning psychological horror to scare the bejesus out of you.
What haunting reads will you be sinking your teeth into this Halloween?
We caught up with The Bag Life of Beck to talk about her online presence, how she helps so many others with their body hangups and more.
First off, how are you and how have you been coping in 2020?
I’m really good thank you!! 2020 has been a strange one hasn’t it but I’m used to isolation from being so poorly so it’s not a huge surprise for me and I’ve adapted quite well to the new world at the moment.
Tell us about yourself and your presence online!
So I’m 29 years old and I’m a mum to an incredible little boy. I would describe myself as an introvert however, some would think otherwise because of my Instagram!! I’m a huge animal lover and if I could I’d own my own rescue sanctuary. I’m a very positive person and I like to emit my posi energy via my Instagram. I’m also a very normal human being so again I just try and stay real, raw and relatable. [Follow Becks on Instagram here.]
Why do you think it’s so important to normalise all bodies?
Growing up I saw the same desire able bodies I also saw magazines pick them apart for having cellulite or rolls or for them having a bad hair day. It added so much pressure to my teenage self and what I thought I had to look like to be accepted. So as you can imagine being 20 and being told I needed an ileostomy was terrifying because who’s going to accept me now I’m broken!? It was a very tough and lonely time for me and I just don’t want anyone else to feel the way I did. So I share my story and share how my body looks in hope to change what society deems as normal. Because let’s face it ‘normal’ is different for all of us so therefore we should all be accepted just the way we are.
You’ve been an Ostomate since 2011, can you tell us more about what that means?
So I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis in 2009 which is a form of Inflammatory Bowel disease. This is when we get ulcers and long-lasting inflammation in our colon and rectum. Symptoms can be bleeding, bloating and pain. It got to a point where I was going to the toilet 25+ times a day and losing so much blood and weight that a surgeon decided to remove my colon. Which means that I’d need to have a stoma, so my small intestine pokes out of my tummy and I now poo into a bag called. This is called and Ileostomy however you can have a Colostomy as well. So we call ourselves Ostomates.
If you could any advice to someone about to become an ostomate what would it be?
It’ll be ok, we are very resilient and being Chronically is teaches us strength that we never knew we ever had. You’ve overcome so much already and withstood the storm, you can take this on as well. Having an Ostomy doesn’t make you any less of a human nor does it reduce your worth. Life for me started again when I had my bag fitted and I’ve never looked back.
What are some of the best things about being online?
The community. The community is wonderful and connecting with other amazing and incredible people too. Learning other’s stories and learning from them too. Seeing a whole new world open up in regards to self-love and body acceptance has been really blissful. Especially since I’ve been advocated for years now it’s wonderful to see the world become more open to different.
What are your top tips for switching off and relaxing?
I love to have a bath with a Gin, candles and an audiobook. It helps me switch off from the real world and just have some me time! As I don’t get it often with the mini human!!
In terms of myself, I need to take my own advice more. I’m always helping others and giving amazing advice, however, when it comes to me I’m terrible. So I’m learning to listen to myself more.
What does your perfect weekend look like?
A weekend away with a hot tub!! My family and just the sound of the sea or the countryside. Somewhere away from the madness of the world.
What do you always carry with you?
I always carry a little perfume with me, my favourite smell is Armani because it’s you. It’s so fresh and I love freshening up with it.
What would your last ever meal be?
Nachos. Honestly, I absolutely adore them and all the cheese you can fit on it. Especially the orange runny cheese. Just delicious.
What is one positive piece of advice you could give to our audience?
Happiness is the new rich. Inner peace is the new success. Health is the new wealth. Kindness is the new cool 💙
Epic Garlic Parmesan & Pumpkin Stuffed Pasta Shells
This epic parmesan & pumpkin pasta recipe is a dish you'll want to keep coming back to all through fall.
There’s a comfort that comes with preparing a comforting meal for a hungry household
The simple pleasure of a shared meal seems to get even better in the Autumn months. As the days blink by and the vignette of the evening sky appears at the window at 4pm, there’s a comfort that comes with preparing a comforting meal for a hungry household; where the hours pass effortlessly between forkfuls of pasta and sweet ordinary conversations about work and weariness. Families being families, couples mirroring eating habits, pausing to celebrate the casual art form of dinner time togetherness – capturing a flavour, a memory, a familiar tradition for future you to recall and feast on with a joyful heart.
The same can be said for preparing a meal for yourself and only yourself. Taking time out of the virtual world to throw a recipe together and indulge in the ritual of eating is the ultimate form of self-care. Enjoy it.
Stuffed with creamy ricotta and pumpkin and smothered in creamy garlic & parmesan sauce
This epic parmesan & pumpkin pasta recipe is a dish you’ll want to keep coming back to all through fall. Stuffed with creamy ricotta and pumpkin and smothered in creamy garlic & parmesan sauce, it’ll have everyone hovering in the kitchen, impatiently waiting for the clatter of serving plates and cutlery to sound.
Best served warm, on a rainy Autumn day with crunchy bread for dipping.
SERVES 6
PREP:
40 MINS COOK:
25 MINS
MEDIUM
INGREDIENTS
Ingredients
For the stuffed pasta
Jumbo pasta shells (as many as your dish will fit!)
250g ricotta cheese
150g soft cheese
400g pumpkin puree
100g grated Parmesan
1 large egg
1 tablespoon chopped sage leaves
Pinch of nutmeg
For the creamy garlic sauce
50g butter
3 cloves garlic, minced
50g all-purpose flour
300ml cups milk
100ml Double cream
100g freshly grated Parmesan
Preheat oven to 180° celcius
Lightly coat your baking dish with butter.
In a pot of salted boiling water, cook pasta until al dente (slightly undercooked)
Drain and pop it on a baking sheet to cool
In a large mixing bowl, combine ricotta, cream cheese, pumpkin puree, parmesan, egg, sage leaves and nutmeg; season with salt and pepper, to taste.
For the creamy garlic sauce; melt butter in a pan over medium heat. Add garlic, and stir for 2 minutes.
Whisk in flour until lightly browned, about 1 minute.
Gradually whisk in milk and double cream, until incorporated,
Stir parmesan until slightly thickened, about 1-2 minutes.
Spread 1/2 your cream sauce in the prepared baking dish.
Stuff your pasta shells with the pumpkin mix and place into your baking dish. We used a piping bag, but you could use a zip lock bag or spoon it in
When you’ve filled the dish with your pasta shells top them with the remaining creamy sauce.
We topped our with a bit of cheddar, you could also add breadcrumbs for an extra crunch!
Place into the oven and bake for 20-25 minutes, or until golden brown.
This week we've teamed up with Bobbi Brown to select our top picks and tell you how we got on.
Bobbi Brown Cosmetics creates makeup and skincare to help people look and feel more like themselves with more confidence! They strive to enable people to enhance their natural beauty with straightforward, easy-to-use cosmetics in timeless hues, all formulated to create a smooth, natural, and healthy appearance.
This week we’ve teamed up with Bobbi Brown to select our top picks and tell you how we got on. From products we might have used for years to brand new bits we’ve been dying to try, find out how we got on with this eclectic mix of skincare and makeup…
This post was made in collaboration with Bobbi Brown and contains gifted product.
Zoe
My 5 chosen products were: Intensive Skin Serum Foundation, Intensive Skin Serum Concealer, Pot Rouge for Lips and Cheeks in shade “Powder Pink”, Dual-Ended Long-Wear Cream Shadow Stick in “Peach Mimosa” and “Taupe” and Smokey Eye Mascara in Black. The skin serum foundation gives such a gorgeous, dewy finish and is perfect for those healthy, glowy skin days. I was having a good skin day when I tried this for the first time so I liked the amount of coverage this gives, however, I think if you prefer something a bit more opaque this might not be for you. I think a product like this as we come into the winter months will be so nice to use as I tend to get drier skin and this gives life back to your complexion. The concealer was also really lovely. Easy to blend and gave a good amount of coverage under my eyes. Paired with the serum foundation, these work really well together and are the perfect combination for no-makeup healthy-looking skin. I think my favourite product out of these and the one I was most impressed by, was the lip and cheek pot rouge. The pigmentation and blend-ability of this cream is off the scale. I used this on both my cheeks and my lips and I love the outcome. You also don’t need much at all! For my eyes I used the cream shadow stick in taupe all over my lid, blended with a fluffy brush and then used the peach mimosa shade in my inner corner and under my brow. I don’t tend to reach for cream shadows much as I love a matte finish on the lids, but as I have gone for a very all-over dewy, fresh look I thought this would go well! The mascara I then used is the smokey eye mascara and this is amazing at grabbing every single lash and fanning them out whilst also adding thickness!
The products I chose were: The Vitamin Enriched Base, Skin Foundation Stick in Warm Sand, Perfectly Defined Long-Wear Brow Pencil in Rich Brown, No Smudge Mascara, Shimmer Brick Compact and Crushed Lip Colour in Cabana. I started off with the vitamin-enriched base, the texture was lovely and it smoothed my skin instantly. I have rather oily skin so I was unsure if it could keep that at bay but It actually made my skin look way brighter and more plump with less of an oil shine. I then applied the foundation using a large foundation brush and I was obsessed with how nicely it blended. It’s a super buildable foundation too which I always love as it means I can wear it daytime or in the evening for a more full-glam look. My skin looked glowy and healthy after application and it also cancelled out a lot of my skin redness and blemishes which really impressed me. I worked on my eyebrows next and I really enjoyed using this brow pencil, because it’s angled it makes it really easy and smooth to draw on and add extra texture to your brows. The next product I used which was probably one of my favourites was the shimmer brick compact as it was so versatile! I used the darker shades across my eyelids and blended it up using a fluffy brush, I then applied the lightest shade on my brow bone and inner corner of my eyes to make them pop. I then used a blush brush and swiped it across all shades to highlight my nose, upper lip and cheeks. The shimmer was INSANE in the sunlight too, they could probably see me from space. I finished off my eyes using the no-smudge mascara which coated my lashes really easily and I definitely noticed a more defined curl in them too. My lashes are dead straight and I find even when I curl them then apply mascara, they still go back to being straight within 10 minutes. But after curling my lashes then applying this mascara, they maintained a slight curl alllll day which was amazing! Lastly, I used the crushed lip colour in Cabana, the most beautiful shade and glided onto the lips with ease, I now want this lipstick in every colour!
I’ve been using the Vitamin Enriched Face Base cream for years. It’s an oil-free primer/moisturiser packed with hydrating shea butter and vitamins. It absorbs beautifully, hydrating the skin and creating the perfect seamless base for makeup application. It’s also great on its own for those no-makeup days when you still want a bit of life in your complexion. The brow pencil is another firm fave. The slant tip makes application easy and the wax-based formula means it stays put all day. On my eyes, I’m wearing the Long-Wear Cream Shadow in Peach Mimosa, Taupe. I swiped the lighter shade straight across the lids and then dabbed the taupe onto the back of my hand, tapping it over the top to create some shadow and definition. Together, the two shades create an effortless & wearable eyeshadow that’s ideal for daytime. You can also take the taupe shade onto the lash line for a smokier look to see you through to evening. To finish off the eyes, I added a classic flick. I have pretty small peepers, so I always feel more put together when I have eyeliner on and this one doesn’t flake or smudge – music to my ears ‘cos this girls eyes just love to weep for no apparent reason. Finally, I went in with the highlighting powder down the centre of my nose and the semi-Matte Lip Color in Salmon to bring the peachy daytime look together. I love how the entire Bobbi Brown product offering works to enhance your natural beauty, rather than cover it up or work against it. Since I hit my late 20s, I’m all about barely-there makeup simply because a) it’s like my skin but better and b) it’s quick ‘n’ easy! This little everyday makeup look took about 10 mins from face base to salmon pout and I am HERE for that kinda convenience. Come thru, Bobbster!
I’ve never tried anything from Bobbi Brown before so it felt like such a treat to be able to give these beauties a whirl all in one go and get the full experience! I’m more loyal to my Nars Sheer Glow Foundation than anything else in life (other than H Styles) so it was always going to be hard to convert me, but I genuinely LOVED the finish of the Long-Wear Weightless Foundation (shade Ivory) and the Vitamin Enriched Face Base. My skin felt so soft and silky, and despite being lighter coverage than my normal base, it was super buildable and still offered a really pretty and perfected finish.
I was a little apprehensive when I first swatched the Bronzer (shade Natural) as the pigment was farrrr stronger than my usual pick, but it was easy to avoid any harsh lines by tapping off excess powder and applying with a light hand. It’s definitely not one to put on in a badly lit bathroom or on an early morning as I think it would be easy to go overboard. Regardlessly, the colour gave a gorgeous sun-kissed glow and made me pine after a summer holiday! I also popped a wash of this over my lids which tied everything together and makes it so easy to do a minimal product face.
Mascaras are always a bit trial and error for me but overall I enjoyed using the Eye-Opening Mascara, in particular how jet black the formula is! I did find by the end of the day it had transferred slightly under my eyes, however, I did test it on an unusually warm September day. The bronzer and mascara combined made for a really simple but lovely eye look which can be applied super quickly and effortlessly.
Finally, I chose the High Shimmer Lip Gloss in the shade Bare Sparkle which is a beautiful champagne colour. I’m normally a matte lip kinda gal but again wanted to try something a little different and I’m so glad I did. The colour payoff isn’t mega noticeable but for a gloss that’s to be expected! It lasted really well when eating and drinking and dried down to not be sticky or feel invasive on the lips which was really lovely.
Having tried the products a few more times both individually and with my everyday makeup products I’m sold on the ‘you but a bit sleeker’ finish they give! The primer has become a staple already that I know I’ll be repurchasing as soon as I’ve finished this pot.
Bobbi Brown has always been one of those brands that you can guarantee quality with and I already own a few lip products made by them, I also went to get a makeover there in the article where we tried high street makeovers and loved the products. Vitamin Enriched Face Base – this has been all over my feed the last few months and although it’s not a new product it seems like a lot of people have ‘fallen back in love with it’ and I can see why. It’s a beautiful primer for make up it makes your skin feel really dewy and ready for foundation. I have dry skin and HATE applying foundation to my natural porous face, my makeup always looks terrible within hours. Face Base smells delicious which makes it a pleasure to use, all-around super happy with this pick, highly recommend.
The second thing I wanted to try was Bobbi Brown skincare, I’ve really found a new love and respect for skincare this year, possibly because I’ve worn so little makeup and it kind of falls into more of a ‘self-care’ vibe which, let’s face it, I’m all about during 2020. I’m all set with cleansers and have way too many moisturisers I need to use up but something I usually run low on is serums. I picked up the Extra Repair Serum as it’s main goals firm the look of skin and moisturise. It is for ‘normal to extra dry’ skin types and we all know which end of that scale I’m sat on. The milky texture feels lovely going on and I’ve definitely noticed an improvement in my skin, I don’t think it’ll look vastly different in 6 weeks but that’s ok as I don’t think this product promises that.
The third product I wanted to try was eye shadow. I know lots of people I follow use the Cream Shadow Sticks but these tend to leave my eyes a bit greasy looking so I went with Burnished Bronze Essential Multicolor Eye Shadow Palette. These are just the kind of colours I want to pick up every day and I must say I am SUPER impressed. The formula is so easy to work with and I constantly use every shade. I start with the top left bronze and pop that in my crease, above the crease (for my hooded eyes) outer corner and smoke out under my eye. I then go in with the darker brown to darken up the crease and outer corner. I use a touch of the gold on my inner lid space and then the light pinky colour in my inner corner and as a highlighter just under my brow bone. If you’re looking for an everyday palette with a lovely big mirror this is the product for you, BIG FAN.
The other two products I chose we’re mostly to fill gaps in my own collection. As I’ve mentioned I’m a dry faced gal so I don’t tend to powder too much but needed something simple and light to get those areas that become a bit shinier over time. This one is a lovely powder compact, great big mirror and a gorgeous finish. I picked up the classic creamy, semi-matte lipstick in the shade beige as I’m always after the perfect browny-nude to combat my naturally very pink lips. This is such a gorgeous formula and colour and it’s the only thing I’ve been wearing since I got it!
I had a few Bobbi Brown items in my makeup draw (mostly lip products) that I really love but there were a few products that I’ve heard great things about that I was dying to try. The items I chose were the Vitamin Enriched base, Nude Finish tinted moisturiser, Full coverage concealer, Smokey Eye Mascara, Bronzing powder in Natural and the perfectly defined long-wear brow pencil in blonde. I started with the base which is one of Bobbi Browns hero best selling products, and for good reason. It’s such a lovely thick rich consistency and makeup applied really well on top. Then I went in with the tinted moisturiser which is a really lovely lightweight moisturiser which made my skin look really glowy, it didn’t give much in the way of coverage but that is asking a lot from a moisturiser. In areas where I needed a bit more, I used a Bobbi Brown foundation from my kit which is actually now discontinued so I should probably look at upgrading it asap. I found that warming the concealer in my fingers before applying really helped it apply, it’s a very thick full coverage which is great for blemishes but a little goes a long way, especially when applying under the eye area. I was really pleasantly surprised by the bronzer, the pay off is amazing and I achieved a really bronzy look with just a couple of swipes, I also applied it to my eyes as eyeshadow to tie the whole look together. A great little trick when you don’t have any eyeshadow handy! My hero products from the entire look have to be the eye products. The eye pencil has shot straight to the top of my perfect products list, the colour is perfect for me and applies super easily. The mascara is also great, it doesn’t clump, flake or smudge and kept a curl all day. Finally, I used one of my own lip products from BB which is the crushed liquid lip in Peaches and Quiet. This is one of my favourite liquid lip products because unlike others it’s not drying at all and behaves much more like a gloss than a lipstick. Overall I really love the products, BB is definitely a really wearable makeup brand with products designed to still make you look like you and I’m on board with that.
The countdown to The Magpie Society: One For Sorrow publication day is officially on, with the first in the new YA gothic thriller series set to land on the shelves this October, 29.
The countdown to The Magpie Society: One For Sorrow publication day is officially on, with the first in the new YA gothic thriller series set to land on the shelves this October, 29.
One for Sorrow will be told via the alternating first person perspectives of the lead characters Audrey – written by Amy McCulloch – and Ivy – written by Zoe Sugg – with the narrative being jointly plotted by both authors.
In the start of a brand-new YA series for the authors, we meet the new girl from America – Audrey – and Ivy; her new roommate at Illumen Hall boarding school. Ivy is less than happy about having to share with the new girl, and the roommates get off to a tense start. But when a body of a girl is discovered at the school with a tattoo of a magpie on her back, Audrey and Ivy are drawn into the mystery behind this strange murder. As an unlikely friendship develops, the girls soon realise that there’s something very dangerous happening at their school.
Ahead of the big publication day, we asked Amy & Zoe about their joint literary venture, from what it’s like having a writing partner in crime / wing woman, to what we can expect from this deliciously dark and brooding story.
Here’s everything you need to know about your latest YA obsession!
What was the main inspiration behind The Magpie Society: One For Sorrow?
Zoe: Amy & I had worked together back in 2013-2016 as she was my editor for the Girl Online novels. We always talked about our love of PLL, true crime, tv dramas and horror and the idea of creating something similar ourselves became something we talked about regularly. We particularly loved the idea of a boarding school, superstitions, secrets and mystery.
Once we had that, the idea of a secret society named after magpies sprung to lifeAmy McCull
Amy: We’d had some really long chats about the kind of books and shows we love to read and watch, and from that, we knew we really wanted to ground our new book series in really particularly British traditions, omens and superstitions. One of those is how we ‘salute’ magpies – something a lot of us do, but we don’t necessarily give a second thought as to where the tradition comes from! Once we had that, the idea of a secret society named after magpies sprung to life, and the rest of the book unfolded from there…
Describe the book in 3 emojis…
🦅 🏫 🎙 (If the bird could be a magpie that would be perfect!)
How did you come up with the name for the book?
Zoe: As a large part of the book is based around the Magpie Society and the superstitions surrounding magpies, we felt that the creepy nursery rhyme “One for sorrow, two for joy” felt completely apt. Not only is the rhyme eery, but having sorrow in the title also made complete sense with the overall plot of the book.
Amy: Yes, definitely a simple one! Once we’d settled on the rhyme, it made so much sense to title our first book after the first line in the poem.
How long did it take to write the book?
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Zoe: We started plotting the book loosely back in 2017/2018 and then really focused on characters and storyline through 2019 before knuckling down and starting the writing at the start of 2020
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Amy: Probably six months of intense writing, and then some very fast editing! But because we had plotted the book so well beforehand, the writing came so much more easily…
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What comes first the plot or the characters?
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Zoe: It’s a bit of both. Amy and I knew the storyline and where we wanted the book and the series to go, and then characters became a lot more clear once we knew this. However, when you get a real sense of a character you can also adjust certain elements of the storyline to work well with them as you write too.
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Amy: As Zoe said, a bit of both! For this book, we knew that we wanted to write from the points of view of two different characters, to reflect both of our writing voices and bring a unique structure to the novel. So developing Ivy and Audrey was a massive focus for us in the beginning.
Can you tell us a little bit about your co-writing process – how did that work, and how does your writing process/writing habits differ as individual authors?
After lockdown happened, we used WhatsApp, voice notes and face times to chat about different bits we were writing and go back and forth with one another. Zoe Sugg
Zoe: Co-writing is so much fun. Having that person to bounce ideas back and forth with, to build scenes and characters with and combine ideas makes it such an enjoyable experience. If I was ever stuck for a word or was having a bit of a writer’s block, having Amy a text or phone call away always helped. We have written alternate chapters as a character each and so before lockdown, we were able to bullet-point what we wanted to happen in each chapter and work on those with each other in real life. After lockdown happened, we used WhatsApp, voice notes and face times to chat about different bits we were writing and go back and forth with one another. We’re both pretty similar when it comes to our writing processes however I’ve learnt over the years that my sentences can get very long and I can get very waffly! I prefer writing dialogue and feel like this is one of my stronger points, whereas I think Amy is particularly fabulous at scene-setting and description. So together we made for an epic team!
Amy: Zoe is spot on. We’re pretty complementary as writers, and we both have different skills. Zoe has a fantastic, natural ear for dialogue, and I love to build atmosphere. We plotted the whole thing together, but wrote our individual chapters separately (and then there are a few interim chapters – the podcasts – that we wrote together). This is the first book I’ve written with a co-author and I’ve loved doing it! Writing can be quite isolating and having someone to bulldoze through writer’s block with has been so much fun, and I think the book is so much stronger for it.
The book tackles some dark topics, was the modern gothic genre always something you both wanted to tap into?
Zoe: Yes! We love watching and reading a good twisty storyline. Something with depth, mystery and a lot of drama, so we always wanted the book to have a bit of all that mixed in.
Amy: Absolutely – also when you have all long, twisted history of England to play with, and a big creepy, meandering school built by the sea, with the waves crashing and the cliff edge crumbling… the gothic atmosphere just builds itself! Magpies too have such a fascinating history and mythology. It was brilliant to get to play with that.
How do you come up with your ideas? Is it something that happens all in one go before you write or as you go along?
Zoe: We had talked back and forth about things we definitely wanted to include in the novel but we also scheduled in lots of brainstorming meetings where we scribbled down a lot more detail. When it came to starting to write the bulk of the book, we already knew a lot about what we wanted to include. We definitely changed bits, added bits and removed bits as we went though. In fact, we made some quite big changes in our last round of edits!
Amy: I’m always on the hunt for great ideas, and in the long gestation period for these books, I was often sending links to shows or articles or images to Zoe saying, what do you think about this? Would this work for the story? We spent time on Pinterest and definitely had some strange internet searches. It’s amazing how much the plot can change direction throughout the writing and editing process, but we discussed all the ideas between us.
How does the writing process differ when you’re writing a series of connected fiction as opposed to a stand-alone book?
Zoe: Amy and I have planned out a much larger storyline across multiple potential books. Because of this, we have to make sure each book plants clues and Easter eggs along the way which has been new for me but I’ve enjoyed it so much. It’s also meant that this has taken us much longer!
We wanted to make the first book a satisfying read, though with a tantalising cliff hanger to keep readers intrigued for the next bookAmy McCuloch
Amy: Yes, this was something that was so important to Zoe and me, and is one of the reasons why it took so long to go from idea to finished first book! We’ve had to work in various layers of plot – we wanted to make the first book a satisfying read (though with a tantalising cliff hanger to keep readers intrigued for the next book), and then we have key plot elements that will connect up in a final book. We both agreed that we love it when it’s clear that the writers of a long book series or tv show know the ‘end game’ from the beginning, so we wanted to make sure we attempted that too. That being said, each book has to work in its own right, and the characters often have minds of their own! So even our plot for the second book has had to adapt and change based on the events of the first, but always for the better.
Which character do you connect to the most?
Zoe: Ivy is obviously a character I have really enjoyed writing, and although we aren’t alike, I do feel a sense of connection with her and I’d love to know her in real life.
Amy: Audrey is “my” point of view character, and I loved writing her! But both main characters are a blend of Zoe and I, highlighting different aspects of our personalities. I also really connect to Clover – I love her feistiness and she was great fun to write.
What’s been the highlight of writing this book?
Zoe: Getting to work with Amy! Honestly, it’s so nice co-writing because if you feel yourself having a little wobble, feeling a little insecure or unsure about something, having your co-writer to be able to message with woes and for a bit of inspiration completely changes the experience!
Amy: Aw, thank you Zoe! Working with you has been an absolute pleasure too. I loved the whole writing process, but I think the highlight for me has been actually finishing the first book! Seeing our vision come to life and turn from a huge jumbled mass of ideas into the novel it is today has been amazing. Zoe and I both so clearly knew what we wanted this book to be, but sometimes when you’re in the middle of the writing process, it’s hard to see the wood for the trees. Now that the first book is done, with the most gorgeous cover and package from the team at Penguin, I can genuinely step back and see how much work has gone into it all and how proud I am of the finished product… and how excited I am to get started on the next book!
What inspires you to keep writing on the days when the writing magic just isn’t happening?
I am my most productive and creative in those very first hours of waking upZoe Sugg
Zoe: Don’t force it and to do it during the hours of the day you feel most “Awake”. For me, that’s first thing in the morning! Once those afternoon hours creep in I know I need to put my laptop away as I can feel my brain start to slow down. I am my most productive and creative in those very first hours of waking up so I try and get as much done then as possible. If you force it you can also start to put a lot of pressure on yourself and you might not necessarily be getting your best work down on the page!
Amy: My top tip is don’t necessarily feel like you have to write a book “in order”. If you’re feeling blocked but there’s a scene coming up that you’re really excited to write, go ahead and jump to that! Sometimes if you’re excited about something, that really comes across on the page… and if it’s proving difficult to write, maybe that’s not the right scene (or you’re not in the right mindset to do it justice). Give yourself permission to jump around, and just get those words down. As long as you’re managing a little bit each day, before long you’ll have a finished book!
I also very much subscribe to what’s called the “pomodoro” method, which is to write in focused blocks of 25 minute intervals. In those 25 minutes, you don’t check social media or the internet, you don’t go to the bathroom or make a cup of tea, you just focus on the writing (even if you stare at a blank page for 25 minutes – daydreaming is writing too!). If I do two or three of those a day, I find that I’m much more productive than sitting for hours at my desk – where time normally ends up disappearing in the black hole of procrastination…
Does where you sit down to write matter, and how did you get into the mindset of each of your characters or the mood for certain scenes?
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Zoe: I have a few places I like to write, and none of them are in my office or at my work desk. I like sitting in my kitchen window at the barstool, on the sofa or the floor using the coffee table as a desk or even sat up in bed. I think wherever you feel most content, comfortable and inspired! I also can’t write in silence, so I have to have a bit of background noise! I wouldn’t say I get into the mindset, but I certainly try and channel the copious amounts of BBC Dramas I’ve watched over the years when I’m writing certain characters or storylines.
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Amy: I’ve definitely trained myself to be able to write anywhere – at my desk, on the sofa, on a train, in a coffee shop… wherever I have a pen and a notebook, I can write! Since I ended up doing the bulk of the writing in lockdown, I definitely got comfortable writing on my sofa – but I loved to have a little ritual of making myself a cup of coffee, lighting a candle, turning on my writing playlist and then setting down to work. I like to write to instrumental film scores and classical music – it puts me in a good writing headspace, even if it doesn’t quite match the atmosphere of the book.
What do you hope readers will take away from reading The Magpie Society: One For Sorrow?
Zoe: Something that they feel they can get lost in, a page-turner, connections with the characters and the urge to want to read more! Can you share something about the book that’s not n the blurb… tease us! There’s a scene in particular that unites both our female lead characters that I LOVE and it may involve a touch of nudity with a healthy dollop of girl power.
Amy: Agreed! I hope readers are gripped, intrigued, and left wanting just that little bit more. I also wonder if, like me, readers will be left wishing they could visit Illumen Hall. No spoilers, but I would definitely like to get lost in the building…
Can you share something about the book that’s not in the blurb… tease us!
Zoe: There’s a scene in particular that unites both our female lead characters that I LOVE and it may involve a touch of nudity with a healthy dollop of girl power.
Amy: Ooh yes, that’s a good one! I love it that the school itself almost becomes its own character in the book, and we find Ivy and Audrey uncovering its secrets, which are almost as dark as their own…
What are some of your top tips for aspiring novelists?
Zoe: Go at your own pace, don’t constantly compare your writing style with everyone else’s, submerge yourself in the research before writing and have fun!
My number one tip for aspiring novelists is to make sure you actually finish your book!Amy McCulloch
Amy: It’s a bit of a cliché but my number one tip for aspiring novelists is to make sure you actually finish your book! It’s so easy to get hung up on those opening pages, or get bogged down in a saggy middle, and so pushing through to the end is (in my opinion) the hardest bit. Try to quiet the voice in your head telling you that it’s no good, or that you won’t get published, or that it’s too similar to something already out there. Finishing a book is a huge accomplishment in itself, and once you’re done, you can always go back over it and make it better! But it’s impossible to edit a blank page…
What do you think is the recipe for a good book?
Zoe: For me, it’s scene-setting and descriptions, great characters and friendships, edge of your seat page-turner, drama and grit and nice big shocking twist!
Amy: Yes! I love it when a book has a setting you want to visit, characters you want to know in real life, and a mystery so intriguing, you have to keep turning the pages to know what happened.
The setting adds much to the texture of the story. Can you tell us about why you chose to set the story there?
Zoe: We loved the idea of having something along the Kent coast with the chalky hills and a pebbly beach. We also really wanted it to be set in a boarding school as we love the grandeur and eerie feel to them, especially the really old ones.
Amy: Yes! I love it when a book has a setting you want to visit, characters you want to know in real life, and a mystery so intriguing, you have to keep turning the pages to know what happened.
Best bit about having a writing partner…
Zoe: Getting to work on something with a friend and having that person to bounce ideas around with!
Amy: The fact that I get as much joy out of reading Zoe’s chapters as I do out of writing my own, and seeing the story weave together! After that, it’s getting to build this incredible world and characters with a great friend. It’s been great fun, and we’re already getting started on book two!
These boots were made for stomping, and that's just what we'll do! Sandal weather may already feel like a distant memory but all is not lost- the trusty, chunky ankle boot can do no wrong in our eyes and offers endless styling potential.
These boots were made for stomping, and that’s just what we’ll do! Sandal weather may already feel like a distant memory but all is not lost- the trusty, chunky ankle boot can do no wrong in our eyes and offers endless styling potential. Whether you fancy some extra height, a snug fit to keep your ankles toasty or simply love the clompy, authoritative feeling these power stance boots have to offer, their versatility makes them perfect for all autumn, winter and spring seasons to come.
Their versatility makes them perfect for all autumn, winter and spring seasons to come!
Unless you’ve been hibernating away from social media of late, you may have noticed the hype for a certain spenny, designer (cough Prada cough) boot taking the Instagram world by storm. If the thought of dropping 2 months rent on a pair of shoes makes you feel queasy, look no further than this edit of high street to mid-range booties to satisfy that staple winter boot craving.
We caught up with Alexa Shoen, internet career coach and author of #ENTRYLEVELBOSS, to learn more about what it takes to find a job during a pandemic...
First off, how are you and how have you been coping in 2020?
Oof. I have been… fine? All things considered? Maybe? I’ve had several bad weeks, but there have also been unexpected pockets of good. I got really lucky with my lockdown in that I met basically everyone in my building and we now do straight-out-of-the-movies things for each other, like bake fresh chocolate chip cookies and “pop by” for a glass of wine.
My work has become more important than ever–because my life is all about coaching young jobseekers through the process of finding their first or second proper job, and there are a whole lotta jobseekers right about now. We’ve helped thousands of young people in the US and UK figure out their next career move since COVID hit. That makes me proud and gives me purpose on the tough days.
Tell us about yourself! How do you balance your multi-hyphenated career as a Singer, Author and CEO of an education company
I’m Alexa: author of a bestselling career guide called #ENTRYLEVELBOSS: A 9-Step Guide For Finding A Job You Like (And Actually Getting Hired To Do It) that came out globally during lockdown. I’m sometimes referred to as the internet’s favorite career coach… like Joe Wicks, but for CVs. I run a career education company (also called #ENTRYLEVELBOSS) and we work with young people who need support finding their way in the professional world.
As for how I “balance” it? Last year, I released a full studio album, wrote the entire manuscript for #ENTRYLEVELBOSS, hired a team for my company, and took some big business risks. I played gigs in Mexico, took meetings in San Francisco, wrote the book in Berlin and New York… It was one of those years when you see an opening and you just sprint for it.
The year before: I still had a full-time job and was hustling before work to write my proposal and make sure all our jobseekers were succeeding.
Whenever you hear that someone is doing it all, please know they’re not doing it all in one week. They’re tinkering over time. Things that seem to be happening “all at once,” aren’t.
How did you get the idea and inspiration for Entry Level Boss?
I graduated with my BA in English Literature in America (I’m Californian). Then, I came to England (shout out to Leeds) and did my MA in Jazz Vocal Performance. And then I tried to go out into the world and… fell flat on my face, couldn’t find a job to save my life, and had no idea what to do next.
It wasn’t that I was entitled, I was just clueless. I’d done everything I’d been told to do – get educated! participate in clubs! etc! – and then there was no clear step as to what to do next.
I slowly learned, the hard way, what it takes to get the good interviews and land the cool jobs. I paid attention to all the things I wished would’ve been spelled out for me. And then, I wrote it all down.
What are some of the key takeaways from Entry Level Boss?
In #ENTRYLEVELBOSS, I teach you all the stuff you need to know about how modern employment actually works–a lot of which directly contradicts the outdated, pre-internet career advice you’ve been given. Then, I walk you through a proven 9-step method for getting the kind of job you want, faster, by sending in fewer applications.
The keyest of key takeaways: multiple studies show that 80% of jobs are landed through personal connections. That means that scrolling through LinkedIn and writing yet another cover letter for yet another job you don’t want whilst crying is… a wildly inefficient use of your time. You don’t have to do it like that.
What was it like to write a book and get it published?
Honestly? I genuinely hated writing a book. The actual writing part, I mean. I like immediate gratification, being in front of crowds, working in teams. I knew that it would be worth it, but I found it super lonely and draining to work on such a solitary task for so many months.
I’m a much better author of a published book! #ENTRYLEVELBOSS was always meant to inspire action. This, to me, is the magical part: watching my work come alive in the world and getting the messages from readers who are writing to tell me about their job offers.
What is your process like for preparing a talk when you’re public speaking?
I’ve always been dangerously good at winging it on stage–blame it on a lifetime of singing. But the best advice I ever got for public speaking was this: what is the ONE thing you want the audience to remember when you’re done? Reverse-engineer your entire talk to make sure that ONE point hits home. That’s your only job.
What are you currently working on?
I’m still doing a lot of press for the book (it’s coming out in India this month!). My team and I are also spending a ton of our time working with universities and careers advisors who are excited about getting #ENTRYLEVELBOSS employability into the classroom for students before they graduate.
Who are some of your top follows online?
@theferocity on Twitter – Saeed Jones is a shining light, needed more than ever | @gabifresh on IG – the OG plus-size icon that we all need in our lives | @thelesliejordan on IG – the true breakout star of quarantine video IMHO | @blackownedeverything on IG – for finding your new fave Black-owned brand
What has been the highlight of your career so far?
The day I found out that St. Martin’s Press bought my book proposal was a huge deal for me. I started a newsletter when I was 25, and then 3.5 years went by, and then I got two book deals within a week (US and UK). That feeling was insane.
What do you always carry with you?
A pen. I feel like I can’t really ask to borrow a pen anymore, because… pandemic.
If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life what would it be?
This question is making me think nostalgically about one of the best meals of my life: Ka’ana Kitchen at the Andaz Hotel on Maui. Just order whatever they tell you to order.
What does your perfect weekend look like?
Somewhere beautiful, with no phones and no itinerary, surrounded by people I love. Oh! And I’ll probably make breakfast burritos for everybody at some point.
If you could give one piece of advice to our audience, what would it be?
Don’t take career advice from people whose careers you don’t want.
Grab a hot cup of coffee and start your day right with this seasonally appropriate stack of thick, fluffy American style pancakes.
Just here to serve you that sweet Autumn thirst trap, you can thank us later.
Grab a hot cup of coffee and start your day right with this seasonally appropriate stack of thick, fluffy American style pancakes.
It’s the perfect easy beige breakfast or brunch for a chilly morning in the fall.
Packed with pumpkin goodness and warming spices and drizzled in maple syrup, chocolate chips & pecans, it’s the perfect easy beige breakfast or brunch for a chilly morning in the fall.
We can’t guarantee leftovers, so think fast and tuck in!
SERVES 6
PREP:
20 MINS COOK:
20 MINS
EASY
INGREDIENTS
Ingredients
For the Pancakes
300g self-raising flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1-1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground allspice
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon salt
100g pumpkin puree
400ml cup milk
2 large eggs
For the toppings
Maple syrup
Chocolate chips
Pecans
Whipped cream, cream cheese and cinnamon to make a delicious cream cheese frosting!
For the Pancakes
In two seperate bowls, mix together the wet ingredients – half the milk, egg and the pumpkin
In the other bowl combine your dry ingredients – flour, baking powder, baking soda, allspice, cinnamon, ginger and a pinch of salt.
Stir your dry ingredients into the pumpkin mixture adding the rest of the milk as you go, add more milk until you reach the consistency you desire.
Heat your pan with a light coating of oil over medium heat. The trick is to cook your pancakes low and slow.
Ladle the batter onto your pan using about 2 tablespoons of the mixture.
When the pancake starts to show bubbles forming flip it over, cook until nicely browned. You can always cut your first one in half to gauge if it’s cooked all the way through.
If you’re making a lot of pancakes place them on a baking tray in the oven on a low setting to keep them warm.
For the toppings
Obviously what you place on pancakes is completely up to you, we went with toppings that would enhance the spices fall flavours
To make a cream cheese frosting we combined whipped cream, cream cheese, and a teaspoon of cinnamon. You could also add sugar or vanilla if you’ve got a sweeter tooth
As the most visible part of your outfit for months at a time, finding the perfect outerwear pick that bridges versatility, style, comfort and practicality can be somewhat of a challenge.
Whilst we love a bare leg and shorts combo as much as the next person, there’s something about the clock striking 12:00 on August 31st that takes our minds fully into autumn/winter mode and ready to embrace all things cosy dressing. As the most visible part of your outfit for months at a time, finding the perfect outerwear pick that bridges versatility, style, comfort and practicality can be somewhat of a challenge. If you’re feeling overwhelmed in the quest for the perfect buy, consider the other items in your wardrobe and work around the basic colour palette, style and silhouette of the hero items you wear on rotation to narrow down the hunt for ‘the one’.
Be it a classic Parisian trench, statement puffer, longline wool blend or a staple leather jacket, this is the fashion purchase of the year that might just benefit from an extra splurge.
Lareese
Coat season is my season! I LOVE it. I probably have more coats and jackets in my wardrobe than anything else (and I steal my bf’s, too). I just think it’s such a great way to make the simplest of outfits feel more put-together and you get a lot of wear out of them, so it’s a worthwhile investment in my eyes. I usually go for a long wool blend coat I can chuck on with anything and not have to think too much about it. I also spotted this green quilted one from Stories which is basically like a big ol’ duvet so, I’m sold!
Besides Christmas, the other thing I love about winter as a season is being able to wrap up and snuggle up in a coat. I love layering through autumn and I usually extend this into the winter too with hoodies underneath jackets and coats. I love an oversized “workwear” shacket, something with a bit of length and you can’t go wrong with a bit of borg!
I’ve already ordered about 5 jackets this year and I’m just not sorry about it. I feel like a jacket really makes an outfit and the lighter options like a shacket or a blazer are great for heading into the office and keeping on. I’ve also picked out a couple of styles that I’ll be donning when the weather gets colder!
To be honest, the only part of winter dressing I LOVE is coats and jackets- I have more than I care to admit but I justify it as they’re the most visible part of your outfit during the colder months.
I’ve gone for two neutral picks in black and oxblood and two more fun additions to add a pop of colour to a gloomy day. I love textures when it comes to outwear and PVC is always super fun (and rainproof!) so I like to pretend it’s practical in some respect. Can I get away with ordering all four?
I bloody love coat season and always end up searching the Internet relentlessly for the best one! I love a shearling jacket and adore the selection of shackets currently being sold at H&M. I’ve picked a classic trench too from Zara as I think you can’t go wrong with one of these in your wardrobe.
Is there anything better than layering up your outfits this time of year? After a scorching summer, I’m definitely ready to feel a chill and dust off my winter jackets and coats. I’m a big believer in investing in a well-tailored wool coat, they never go out of style especially if you pick a neutral colour like black or tan. A slightly marmite choice, I’m a big fan of the teddy bear coats, you won’t find anything warmer for those peak winter days I assure you. Shop the Curated have some of the most gorgeous coats generally and they’re so worth the investment. Finally, I’m also all about having practical options too and being a big fan of long walks in the countryside come rain or shine a good quality parka is a must-have in every wardrobe.
Between You And Me: Answering Your Problems Part 8
This month, we’re discussing how to ride solo after a breakup, pushing through those frustrating creative blocks and presentation anxiety, aka Glossophobia. It’s a thing that affects around a whopping 75% of us!
We’re back for another juicy round of Between You & Me, the feature dedicated to helping you navigate life’s many, many predicaments.
This month, we’re discussing how to ride solo after a breakup, pushing through those frustrating creative blocks and presentation anxiety, aka Glossophobia. It’s a thing that affects around a whopping 75% of us!
We’re also tackling social distancing dating dilemmas, coming out to the grandparents, how to be there for a bezzie pal with cold feet and losing friends to serious relationships.
Is life serving you one too many lemons at the mo? Send your problems to Betweenyouandme@zoella.co.uk and we’ll do our best to answer them next time round.
Until then, grab yourself a brew & settle down with us, your in-house agony aunts!
Lareese
Thank you for writing in to us, your dilemma really resonated with me because I too struggle with creative droughts more often than I’d like, and even though I’m aware it comes with the territory, it doesn’t make it any less frustrating when all you want to do is do the thing you love and that you’re good at! The thing I’ve found most useful whenever I’m feeling creatively spent is to stop trying to force it.
Try to distance yourself from your work by doing something completely different – swimming, walking and listening to a podcast, meditating, whatever will help you mentally and physically step away from your work and your creativity. It’s not always easy because of that pressure to keep thinking of ideas & creating, but sometimes the best thing you can do to maintain the work you love and preserve your passion for it is simply to stop doing it. Just take a break and breathe for a minute; disconnect to reconnect.
Creativity isn’t always a comfortable pursuit. It can be intense, frustrating and mentally draining. It takes up a lot of energy and demands focus, so if you’ve got a lot going on elsewhere in your life between your part-time job and preparing yourself for uni, you might not be in the right mindset to sit and write or paint right now. I’d say that having some routine and establishing some healthy work habits can really help, too. When do you feel most creative? Are you a morning person or a night owl? Rather than trying to squeeze in a quick writing session or sitting down to work on some art before rushing off to your job, set aside some uninterrupted time to tend to your creativity. Pay attention to the things that you know make your creativity thrive.
Our best ideas often come to us as the most random of times, so use the notes section in your phone to write down any ideas that come to you organically when you’re not trying to force them or keep a notepad/sketchbook next to your bed. Lastly, I’d say look at your workspace – can you do anything to shake it up a bit and make it a space you want to spend time in (preferably near a window – that always helps me write!) You’ll push through it don’t you worry. Good luck, lovely!
Zoe
As a creative myself, I know exactly how you feel and it can be the most frustrating feeling ever. A few things I always find help clear my mind and strike up some creativity are making sure I’m well-rested and focusing on myself more. Wellness and self-care are so important for our minds and bodies and sometimes if I’m not looking after myself, my mind goes to complete mush and I’m lucky if I can even string a sentence together let alone feel inspired to create something. Forcing creativity is also something that just doesn’t seem to work for me. I have to be in the right headspace and trying to force it usually ends in more frustration and comparison amongst my peers who are all out doing cool things which instantly highlights the fact I feel like I’m not. Be gentle with yourself and create some space to let it happen naturally. Try doing a few new things, go on walks, meet with friends, watch new films. Sometimes it’s easier to feel inspired when we’re just living our lives and experiencing new things as we do it! Good Luck! x
Charlotte
Hiya!
Thank you so much for writing in and sorry to hear your friend is having such a tough time!
A 10 year age gap is quite a significant one, but I assume when she entered into the relationship she would have been aware that there may be some differences in how their paths would align and differences in their individual wants and needs. I wonder therefore whether she has ever previously mentioned feeling that the relationship has moved too quickly or that she was feeling out of her depth? When you love someone I think it’s natural to want to slightly mould yourself a little to them in the hopes of making everything ‘perfect’, and perhaps she has prioritised his needs above hers and is only now realising that this feels inauthentic.
I think there are probably a few ways you could drop the subject into conversation without it seeming too suspicious- maybe next time wedding chat comes up ask how she’s finding it all, and if she responds negatively then maybe subtly pursue it and ask if she needs any help or if there’s something in particular she’s not enjoying.
It sounds promising that she has noticed this change in her mood, as at least she has some awareness of not feeling herself. Perhaps this is another relatively easy way to get the lowdown on what’s going on- maybe try texting her after the next time you meet and just ask if there’s anything you can help support her with if she doesn’t seem okay. As a genuine friend with really kind intentions, I don’t think there’s a way she could take this negatively and means you don’t have to directly mention the wedding- hopefully she might offer up some truths if you leave the floor open for her to be honest in a supportive environment. Are you guys part of a bigger friendship group or do you have any mutual friends you could confide in and see what their point of view is? Perhaps you could glean something from these conversations and share your concerns in confidence, as long as you can guarantee it won’t make it back to her.
Although it probably feels extremely frustrating to let her go ahead with this big life change that she doesn’t seem fully confident in, ultimately it will be her decision and one you will have to stand by and support as a friend. As long as you feel you have genuinely tried to be there for her and keep her best interests at heart I think that’s all you can really ever do!
Good luck!
xxx
Danielle
Hi Anon, thank you for writing in and well done for being such a concerned friend! There’s a couple of strains of thought here, the first being a little more chill and non-problematic which is that there is a big difference between a wedding and getting married. What I mean by that is someone might be super excited to be married to their partner and spend the rest of their life with them, but planning an actual wedding can be really stressful and nerve inducing! Take it from a gal who hated planning a wedding this year and was actually pleased when I had to call the whole thing off. Maybe your friend is just over the constant wedding chat or is feeling extremely nervous for the day making her pull back a bit?
On the other hand, there were a few things you mentioned that we’re a little concerning for me, obviously, I am no one to judge and I don’t even know your friend or her partner, but a ten year age gap when someone is 18, is a little alarming, especially when they are already getting married when she is 21. Maybe try and approach her about the fact she’s feeling low, see if she’ll open up to you about her mental health, and less about her relationship as I’d imagine she might have had to defend it on a few occasions. As a good friend try to remind how much you are there for her and try and cheer her up any way you can, she could be going through something and the more she’s aware she has people around her who love her unconditionally the better. <3
Lareese
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a separation. Sometimes, doing the right thing definitely doesn’t mean doing the easy thing but it sounds like you’re confident in your decision and I’m sure that will serve you well further down the line, as you make peace with the end of that relationship and begin this next chapter of your life.
I know it’s a big fat cliché but time is your healing friend. Whenever we go through any kind of hardship whether it be grief, a breakup or a period of upheaval, it’s going to take some time to adjust. Yes, you made the decision to separate but that doesn’t mean you’re not entitled to go through the motions. Breakups are messy, hard and complicated beasts, no matter how ‘ready’ you were to make that decision. I wish there was a fast-track course you could take to get you to that happy place asap but it’s just one of those things that takes time and patience. This new chapter of your life is going to feel just that: new, different, daunting even, and that’s ok. You will get there in time and you’ll learn to love the freedom that comes with starfishing in your bed, having a bloody good shag no string attached (when you’re ready of that!) and answering only to yourself. Often when we’re in relationships, we can neglect the things that make us happy so spend a bit of time reconnecting with the things in life that bring you pure joy. Be selfish for a while! This is YOUR time. Make loads of plans, book dinners out with your friends instead of dreading eating alone, stay busy, say yes to anything you would have previously said no to because you were in a committed relationship and had to plan your weekends around someone else.
It’s certainly not an easy process but be patient with your emotions and feel every part of it. This isn’t a step you can skip or rush and actually turning up and being present with your feelings of loneliness is an achievement in itself. Even if it doesn’t feel like you’re truly living at the moment, life is happening right now in this little stop-gap; don’t wish it away or try to get away from it. Everything you’re feeling right now is preparing you for this onward journey and what’s next for you. Sending you love!
Charlotte
Hi anon,
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through such a big life change and upheaval at the moment- even when it’s your decision it still rocks the boat and can feel so overwhelming. I have recently come out of a 5-year relationship and have also never been an adult without him by my side so I understand how you feel 10000%. Lockdown has been an incredibly isolating time in general, and I imagine the feelings you’re experiencing now might be intensified by the underlying emotions of the lack of connection and yearning for ‘normality’ that we’re all seeking. 2020 is a challenging ol’ year for every part of life so please don’t be too hard on yourself during this adjustment period.
I think it’s important to recognise and accept that things probably won’t feel normal or good or safe for a while, but that’s okay. Even if a relationship has its bad parts, it is SO normal to look back and miss the little things that once felt like second nature. But make sure to remind yourself of the reason for the split and how prioritising your happiness long term will always be more important and valuable than the temporary discomfort in spending time alone. Some of us are sociable and outgoing people by nature and having ‘your person’ by your side is such a comfort, but you were an individual before this relationship and will be an individual on the other side too- you just need to reconnect with the idea that you are your own biggest priority and getting to know you for who you really are on your own takes time.
Something that’s been difficult for me but so necessary has been seeing as many friends and family as possible (in a socially distanced environment) to act a distraction. My dad stayed with me during the first weekend that it happened so I didn’t have time to rehash the same thought processes 200 times, and since then I’ve just had to throw myself into seeing friends or working to keep my mind as busy as possible. Even if you see a friend and all you do is cry or sit in silence and watch a film, having the presence of someone else around you will be so comforting. It’s not a permanent solution, but is there someone in your life that might be able to stay with you for a while or be on hand when you really need another presence in the house? Eventually, you will find you need them less and less, but adapting to the idea of being alone is so hard, and I recommend getting all the help you possibly can from loved ones to make it as bearable as possible.
I’ve also gone back and forth over the idea of a rebound but it’s so hard to judge what might help vs what may leave you feeling worse. I would say there are probably healthier coping mechanisms you could use in this scenario that wouldn’t result in the same potential emotional effect this may have on you, but everyone is so different and perhaps being surrounded by others in this way will quash the loneliness until you’re able to confidently spend time alone with yourself.
No one is expecting you to be okay in this scenario right away, so please give yourself the time you need to go through the stages of grief that come from someone exiting your life. Reaffirm to yourself daily (or even hourly if needs be!) that these feelings are temporary, however overwhelming they may feel now. Humans are creators of habit and disruption to your routine in any context throws many of us off balance, the key is to trust that you will find a new normal that will eventually serve you better than a relationship which isn’t right.
Best of luck and sending so much love your way xxx
Maddie
Thank you for having the courage to send your question in. I’m so sorry you’re going through such a rubbish breakup. I’ve been there and it really is so horrible to be left with unanswered questions and emotions for a person who’s no longer willing to take part in the conversation. Firstly can I just say how awful it is that not only you were dumped by text after two years together but on your anniversary too. What a douchebag. I’m sure you’ve been told this by all of the people who love you but please trust me, you deserve SO much better than that. No matter what his reasons were he took the cowards way out and it sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. I know the saying goes “distance makes the heart grow fonder” however in my experience it can actually do quite the opposite for some people. Some, unfortunately, choose the “out of sight, out of mind” approach and it sounds like the amount of physical distance you had in your relationship potentially contributed to it ending the way it did. It sounds like your ex is moving on and as hard as it is when you feel so hurt and confused by what happened my advice is for you to try to do the same. It doesn’t sound like you’re going to get anything productive out of him or that he’s going to say anything that’s going to make you feel better. This is not your fault and with time you will start to forget about him and feel so much better off, trust me. If he didn’t have the respect for you to communicate how he was feeling and end things like a mature adult then you really shouldn’t waste any more of your precious time thinking about him. I know it’s so much easier said than done but i assure you there will be a man out there who treats you a million times better in the future and you will realise this had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. I hope that helps and that you feel better really soon xx.
Charlotte
Hi anon.
UGH. I feel the frustration of this situation even just from reading your dilemma. I’ve just come out of a 5-year relationship which ended not by my choice so I completely understand where you’re coming from in feeling hurt and disrespected- it’s so hard to come to terms with but I hope it helps knowing there are lots of us in the same boat riding out this horrible wave together.
My break up is very fresh but from my experience, trying to get answers has only ended in tears (mine). It could be that your ex is being shady to cover his own back, or it could be that he thinks the explanation or reasoning would hurt you more if he told you the truth. I suppose in some ways it might be nice to know the whole story and to stop your mind running away with you, but maybe consider what answer you would be hoping for and if that would actually make you feel any better in the long run. My ex has been really unwilling to communicate too and I think sometimes leaving the situation rather than continuing in the pursuit of answers that aren’t going to come is the kindest thing you can do for yourself. Be the bigger and more mature person and try to accept that he doesn’t deserve how kind, compassionate and measured you are when he is behaving in the opposite fashion.
After the grieving period (which will take time but I promise will come), you will find a new sense of self-love that I hope will affirm to you that you deserve SO much better. Closure is hard to come by, but from my experience, even the process of chasing for answers and having some idea of the reasoning hasn’t provided any closure because it’s still far too raw. I think closure is something that comes with time and a feeling you find within yourself and not from someone else- especially someone who doesn’t deserve any more of your time or care.
I’ve started writing down my feelings in the notes on my phone or even sending the emotional/angry/sad messages I want to send to my ex to friends instead. I think in the long run you will appreciate a clean break rather than muddying the waters with more contact and opening the wound to more hurt. I know it feels so unfair but I think focusing on the future rather than the confusion of the past will pave the way for you to be much happier.
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this but please know you will be stronger, happier and more resilient as a result and you have a wonderfully bright future ahead of you. Sending so much love!
Char xxx
Darcey
Hi Anon,
COVID is a super tricky time for everyone and I can understand why it’s so frustrating not being able to stay at your boyfriend’s house or see him as often as you would like. Especially as you moved into this new flat as lockdown began, it’s a lot of new things to deal with!
Now, this is tricky with your flatmates, as I can see from their point of view, but I can also see the situation from yours too. I understand your flatmates not wanting you to stay at your boyfriend’s, especially if they don’t know him and therefore don’t know who else he is mixing with. I think many people in relationships are facing this same battle of not living with their partners and therefore not being able to stay overnight with them.
However, I think it’s unfair for your flatmates to say categorically you cannot meet with him at all, as I am sure they are all meeting their friends still whether that’s outside or inside. Now I know as you are in a relationship, they are probably worried about the physical contact side; kissing, hugging, etc. But not allowing you to see him at all is unrealistic and not considering your feelings too.
I think you should ask to sit down with them and have a proper chat with them about it all and find some sort of compromise. Living in a hostile environment is the last thing you want so I think just ignoring their feelings and staying at his could end badly, however as your flatmates I don’t think they have the right to dictate your relationship so closely.
Maybe suggest that you won’t stay at his until things get better with COVID, but that you will still be meeting him outside or in controlled environments (restaurants, pubs, cinemas, etc) as it is unfair that you cannot see your partner at all. Assure them again that you will be socially distancing and that you understand their feelings towards it too and therefore want to find a happy medium.
I hope that helps! xxx
Danielle
I’m going to keep this short and sweet as I feel like COVID is such a weird and unprecedented situation that none of us is an expert in! Basically I think you should just focus on you and what you want to do as long as you’re not breaking the rules. At the moment you are more than welcome to see your BF as long as there isn’t more than 5 of him, ha! A lot of people have A LOT of opinions and usually, they’re coming from a place of fear. No one has the answers but as long as you’re being respectful enough your friends need to just understand that there are four of you living together with different lives and you can’t be scared to go out and see others forever. The more you see him the more they’ll just have to get used to it. Fingers crossed they get over it (and themselves) and it doesn’t ruin your friendship, and if it does they’re not friends worth keeping anyway.
Lareese
Firstly, does anyone actually enjoy presentations? Show of hands… I think I speak on behalf of everyone when I say they are a horrendous and pointless form of human suffering, haha. So, you’re definitely not alone! I guess that in itself should put your mind at rest a little bit – knowing that everyone else is just as nervous as you are.
I remember doing a presentation at uni and coming out in an awful stress rash all up my neck and over my chest. It’s still etched in my memory now. For as long as I can remember I have absolutely hated presentations and I can’t really put my finger on why that is. I think it’s the thought of taking charge of a room and commanding an audience. Like you, I’d be completely comfortable chatting with a big friendship group or networking with strangers at an event but when it comes to public speaking, I just freeze. I think we tend to get wrapped up in what everyone’s thinking of us when we’re stood up the front, when in reality, they’re probably not even listening at all, let’s be real here.
There are a few practical things you can do to help prepare your body and mind for a presentation. Primarily, rehearsing your script and knowing your subject well will give you the best possible chance of smashing your presentation. Having an outline to follow and fall back on will help you stay on track if you suddenly lose focus or feel overwhelmed. Speaking to yourself in the mirror or recording your presentation on your phone can also really help get you used to hearing your ‘presenting’ voice. The more prepared you are, the more in control and confident you’ll feel on the day. Visit the classroom you’ll be presenting in for a run-through beforehand if possible, this will eliminate any fears about where to stand, where you can plug your laptop in if you’re delivering a PowerPoint presentation or even where to put your water. Lots of people say picturing the audience naked helps… (or other visualisation techniques) – it helps you to get out of your own head. You can also try exercising before your presentation whether that’s a gentle jog or some stretches and breathing techniques to ease the tension in your body. Someone else also told me to wear a hairband on my wrist to flick beforehand, apparently, it helps to take away any tension or nervous energy!
If it’s something you continue to struggle with, you can also look for short-term therapy such as CBT to help you learn how to manage and reduce your anxiety. Good luck lovely – you can do this! xx
Darcey
Hi Anon!
You are certainly not alone in hating presentations; I think many people find them really stressful or anxiety-inducing. Even your classmates who look as cool as a cucumber up there presenting, I’m sure if you asked them how they felt, many would say they felt anxious or worried when presenting to the class.
I remember at University hating presenting, I found them really stressful and would get waves of anxiety before presenting, my hands would shake, and I would catastrophise, envisioning all of the ways it could go wrong. When I actually got up to present, I would feel my voice wobble and see my hands shaking and think “everyone can see how nervous I am this is a disaster”. But when I asked my fellow classmates “could you tell I was nervous” every time they would say no and I would still get good marks, so something must have been going right!
Anxiety is a healthy emotion and it can show that we care too, so your anxiety around presenting is probably partly because you want to do well. However, if it begins to stop you presenting at all due to the utter fear you feel, that’s when you might want to look into CBT to break down why you feel so scared about presenting.
I felt the exact same as you and although I have anxiety around presenting, these little things have helped me feel more comfortable beforehand and while presenting. Firstly; practice, practice and practice! Knowing your presentation inside and out will make you feel way more confident. Practice it in front of friends and family, in your mirror, to your pet dog. The better you know it, the better you will feel. Making little cards too which prompt you on what to say are great, keynote is fabulous if you have an iPhone and its compatible with your school’s software as it allows you to make notes which you can read off of your phone will presenting. If not little notes on pieces of card is just as good! I also would practice my breathing beforehand, breathe in for 6, and out for 6, this will help regulate your breathing and reduce anxiety.
You are going to smash this year at school and please don’t worry that your fear of presenting could hold you back, I promise you it won’t. Presenting will get easier the more you practice and if it doesn’t you have options to help you overcome that fear. Wishing you all the best in the future! xxx
Danielle
Hey Anon, thanks so much writing in with this, I’m so sorry you’re going through this and feel like you’ve lost such a close friend. I feel like one of the areas we’re still super behind on is male and female friendships. Obviously, I understand the complications and the jealousy aspect but it’s interesting how much more acceptable same-sex friendships, then friendships with two people from different sexes especially if they’re both straight. There is a lot of different angles here including your partner’s, your friend’s, and your friend’s girlfriend, and if I’m honest I can kind of see everyone’s point of view. It’s a shame your ‘ex’s’ new girlfriend is being so strict about him cutting ties with you to the extent she has, and if I’m honest the lack of trust there is a massive red flag but essentially that’s none of our business. Unfortunately, he has decided to pick her over you, and the best thing for you to do at this point is to be patient and hope that he comes to his senses, OR she feels comfortable enough in the future to let him have a relationship with you. As he’s such a good friend I would just have to respect his decision and give the situation some space as hard as that sounds. Good luck! x
Zoe
Well, this ROYALLY SUCKS. As an outsider looking in, I can see that this is such a complex situation for all involved and there are certainly a lot of feelings flying about. Unfortunately, a lot of situations similar to that of you and your best friend are really romanticised in films and tv series. “BOY MEETS GIRL, THEY BECOME FRIENDS, THEY BECOME MORE, IT DOESN’T WORK. THEY SPLIT. THEY’RE FRIENDS AGAIN. REPEAT”, however, they usually continue to have feelings for each other (Ross & Rachel, Marianne and Connell) and it’s not that often that heterosexual male and female friendships are portrayed as anything else. This is a shame, and something I’d love to see more of on my tv screen! I don’t know why your friend’s girlfriend doesn’t trust him, which if I was him would be a serious red flag at the beginning of the relationship, but it’s unfair that it has meant you can’t continue to be friends. All he can really do is show her that there is nothing to be worried about, although it doesn’t sound like he was really given that opportunity which is a shame. It really shouldn’t make any difference that your friendship is not a same-sex one! All you can really do at this point is sit back and hope that your friend has a good long hard think about where his loyalty lies and that eventually he misses your friendship and comes running. (although I wouldn’t suggest waiting with open arms, he will certainly owe you an explanation as the trust between you both has also been shattered somewhat) Don’t let this be a reflection on you as a friend though, this is someone else’s insecurities being projected onto you. Go and live your best life with your other friends who appreciate you and love you! Good Luck!! x
Maddie
Thanks so much for writing in to us, I’m really sorry to hear your relationship with your grandma is being affected because of your sexuality. As I don’t know your relationship and how things were when you were growing up or what your she is like generally I’m going to have to make a few assumptions but I think something that will go without saying is that your grandma will love you very much and her reaction is likely to be largely down to her fears for you and her desire for you to live a happy life. Unfortunately, it really sounds like there is a big generational divide here when it comes to what constitutes a normal happy relationship and the chances are your grandma has never had a gay person in her life before so she will probably need to completely re-learn everything she thinks she knows. As awkward as it might be I think the best thing to do in this situation is communicated and if you’re feeling like you want to check in on her you should. I don’t think this is the sort of thing that should be swept under the rug and never spoken about but it’s going to be up to you to educate her and reassure her that you are happy and being who you are is what is going to make you happiest person you can be. I’m sure it’s not something that will change overnight as grandparents do tend to be stuck in their ways from my experience however if you gradually make the effort and listen to her too I’m sure you can go back to having a really close relationship again. Above all don’t ever feel like you shouldn’t be who you are as at the end of the day if your grandma can’t accept who you are then that will be her loss. I hope it doesn’t come to that and she can come around. Please do keep us posted with how things go x.
Darcey
Hi Anon,
I’m really sorry you are having to deal with all of this, and it sounds like a really stressful situation to be in. I’m sorry you have seen a distance from your Grandma ever since she found out about your sexuality, that must be so hard as you are just living as your authentic self and you shouldn’t have to hide that to make your Grandma or anyone happy.
From the sounds of things, this is probably a generational issue, especially as your Grandma fears you’ll be bullied due to your sexuality. Which like you said, back in her day people did have less freedom in expressing their sexuality and she probably finds it hard to disassociate that from the present day.
I think contacting your Grandma would be a great idea, I know there are tensions still from her ruining your birthday meal which I’m sure you would like an apology for. Would it be worth maybe asking for one and telling her again how it’s all making you feel? Reiterating with her that you are in a happy and healthy relationship, with a woman who cares greatly for you, and that you aren’t experiencing any judgement from anyone except from her. I wonder if her hearing this all again from you would make her rethink how she’s viewing it if she sees just how much this is all upsetting you.
I also don’t want you to have to explain your sexuality and identity repeatedly to anyone, whether they are family or a stranger, you shouldn’t have to justify how you want to live your life to anyone. So, if your Grandma can’t accept who you and is happy losing a relationship over it, it’s really her loss. I hope it doesn’t come to that and I really hope you can work it out with her as I can tell you really care about her, but there is only so much you can do.
Sending you lots of hugs and wishing you all the best in the future xxx
