Suffice to say, the houseplant trend is going nowhere fast and we’re mighty glad about that because, well, life is better with plants.
Suffice to say, the houseplant trend is going nowhere fast and we’re mighty glad about that because, well, life is better with plants. They make our homes brighter and greener and our air cleaner just by existing, and all we have to do is just, you know, keep them alive. Easier said than done!
With so many glorious types to choose from, you’re bound to come across some species that are slightly trickier to care for than your average low maintenance succulent. Boston ferns, what did we ever do to you?
If, like us, you’re a serial plant slayer, here’s your chance to turn a new leaf and be the good plant mum you were always destined to be. Here’s our essential guide to caring for your precious leaf babies.
Overwatering is just as bad as under-watering
The biggest plant crime = Overwatering. Killing them with kindness until they die a slow root rot death. Sound familiar?
Every plant has different water requirements – succulents like to get bone dry between each watering while ferns prefer permanently moist soil conditions, so get to know your plant’s individual needs and tailor your care for each of them.
You can check if your plant needs watering by placing your fingertip into the top 2 inches of soil. If it’s dry and crumbly, it’s definitely time for a good shower. You can also invest in a probe tool to measure the soil condition accurately or simply pick up the plant and weigh it by hand. If it feels light, it needs a drink! Purchase your probe tool here.
Find its happy place
Try shuffling your plants around the house to find the best light to suit their needs. You might picture your plant trailing a bookshelf somewhere, or hanging in a windowless bathroom, but you’ll have to get used to letting your plant dictate where it wants to put down roots. Like an unruly toddler, they know their own mind. Make your peace with that.
Make sure there’s enough light
Some plants love strong direct sun, while others will be happiest with bright morning light and some shade. But what does all that actually mean?
Direct sun means ideally within 2ft of a south-facing window, while bright indirect light is 4-5ft away from an east or west-facing window. If your plant becomes ‘leggy’, stops growing, or the leaves turn yellow, it’s likely not getting enough light. And if your plant’s leaves are browning, curling or appear dry and brittle, then they’re getting too much of a good thing.
Pay attention to any changes
If your plant isn’t a happy bunny, it will soon let you know. Keep an eye on the leaves, feel the soil, check how much sun it’s getting – it’s a full time job but if you care for them properly, you’ll be able to enjoy them in your home for longer.
Beware of heaters and draughts
Keep your plants away from radiators, doors and draughty windows. House plants don’t like to be too cold or too hot, they’re like Goldilocks. They want their conditions to be ‘just right’.
Give them a snack
To top up their soil nutrients, pamper your plants with a healthy dose of fertiliser throughout growing season (March – September). You can buy houseplant food from most supermarkets and garden centres.
Adapt with the seasons
Scale back your feeding and watering in the Winter months. Much like humans, plants slow down in the colder months when they’re no longer actively growing.
Keep the dust away
Dust can block light and harbour insects. Keep leafy plants clean and dust-free by using a damp cloth and gently removing the dust or place the whole plant in the shower and rinse. This is a good way to remove pests such as spider mites and mealybugs. If your plant has an ongoing problem with pests, quarantine the plant, buy a spray treatment and continue to use regularly until the bugs are gone. Purchase your spray treatment here.
Repot when necessary
Most houseplants will come already potted with drainage holes and as a general rule of thumb, this will keep them happy for a year or two. Some variations such as Ficus, Peace Lily and Ferns prefer to be slightly pot-bound but even they will need re-potting eventually.
There’s a few tell-tale signs of a root bound plant to look out for. One of the most obvious signs is roots growing through the drainage holes at the bottom. Turn the pot over and inspect the bottom, you may need to gently remove the pot to get a closer look. If you see a mass of pale roots in the shape of the pot wrapped around the plant, it’s time for action. Give the plant a good watering the day before repotting to reduce stress and make the root workable.
Mist with caution
Aha, misting – the most controversial topic among plant parents! Certain houseplants enjoy a gentle misting but take heed, it’s not suitable for all types. Some are susceptible to bacterial and fungal infections when their foliage is exposed to too much water but tropical houseplants such as Palms and Ferns love high humidity and will thrive with a light morning mist.
The air in our homes is generally dry, so misting is a simple and effective way to boost humidity. You can also group several plants together in close proximity to increase air moisture.
Avoid a soggy bottom
Plants hate having wet feet, which is why most pots have drainage holes to prevent root rot. If in doubt, water your plants in the shower like one big drunken forest orgy. After you’ve given them a good drink, leave them to drain for at least an hour before popping them back in their pots.
Keep your plants hydrated while you’re away
If you’re going on holiday and haven’t nominated a family member to keep an eye on your beloved plant babies, these self-watering globes ensure your plant takes water gradually and only when needed for up to two weeks. Genius!
Plants for beginners
These easy-going plants are a good entry point for any first-time plant mums.
Gina Martin is most commonly known for being the girl that made upskirting illegal, but her talents haven't stopped there. Find out what she's working on now and what activism looks like in lockdown.
First of all how are you and how are you coping in lockdown?
I’ve actually only just got into some sort of groove. I was positive for the first two weeks and then coronavirus affected my family and I basically didn’t move from my bed or the sofa for a month. I was overwhelmed. I still am, but now I’m getting back to work (at my little corner desk) and managing to get moving each day with a walk or a workout. It’s still ups and downs though… and I still haven’t put jeans on yet!
Tell us about some of the work you do
I work as a writer, broadcaster and campaigner. I do a lot of speaking at events and with industries – truth to power stuff on gender equality and pushing against the establishment – and I contribute to BBC Radio 5 Live with my slot Gina’s Gamechangers. I’m also an ambassador for UN WomenUK. I work to show ordinary people like me that you can change things if you feel injustice. The main issues I talk around are gender equality, white privilege and human rights. I want to make politics and the conversation around it more accessible to people because it’s so bloody complex and gatekept.
A lot of people will know you as being the woman who got upskirting made illegal, how did it all come about?
Ah yes! I am the upskirting girl and proud of it! I was working in an ad agency in London when I was upskirted in 2017 at British Summertime Festival and after handing the guys, and the picture, into the police I was told there was nothing I could do. So, I launched a two-year legal battle with the Government and my lawyer Ryan and we changed the law in April 2019.
We love your book Be the Change, tell us all about it!
When I first thought about kicking up a stink about upskirting not being a Sexual Offence I googled “how do you change a law?” And literally nothing came up (surprise, surprise!). I realised I was going to have to figure it out on my own and thankfully I managed to, but everything you read on politics and law and campaigning is so dry and complex and full of jargon. So, I decided to write the book I had needed back at the beginning when I had no idea what I was doing. I packed it full of all the things I learnt – everything from using social media for campaigns to public speaking to doing TV interviews to writing a press release. It’s all in there. And it’s all accessibly written and easy to understand! Order Be the Change here.
What was it like to write a book and do you have any advice for someone who wants to write one?
It was amazing but stressful – I was on a tight deadline. I wrote my book in two months as the law was about to change and I was encouraged to release it right after that happened. That worked out though as I was able to write it fairly fast as I was basically collating all this info I’d learnt in the last few years! My advice for a non-fiction book would be to;
A) Create a really single-minded and clear angle for it
B) Don’t try and write like you think you should – you’ll do this without noticing – but allow your tone of voice to shine through.
C) My friend Sam said to me “just get the paint on the wall and perfect it after!” And she’s right; just get the words down! You’ll have time to go over it two or three times and make it better, but the scariest thing is a blank page.
Tell us about your work with UN Women UK
I’ve looked up to them for a long time. They really wanted to work with individuals who not only cared about an issue but were already doing the work to change it. I met Claire Barnett, the Executive Director and we clicked straight away. Since then it’s basically like a big round- table where the ambassadors (me and others) learn about the work UN WomenUK are doing, consult, throw around ideas to help develop projects and then support their mission through our networks and our platforms.
For Instance, they’re launching a digital Everyday Allyship Platform which I’m really excited about, and I’m writing a piece for them and discussing how I could support it with Claire. It’s a very open and honest discourse which I love because that’s hard to find – even in this work!
What has been the highlight of your career so far?
It was, of course, changing the law. But not even because I achieved it, just because it made me so hopeful to think “so, someone who has zero political or legal experience and scraped by in school can change the law?!” It made things feel possible. That or when Annie Lennox emailed me to tell me she loves my work and then I met her and she gave me the biggest cuddle and took me over to meet her team. I literally almost wet myself I was so happy.
What are you currently working on?
Coronavirus has meant I’ve shifted my perspective a bit. I was putting a lot of energy into being on the ground with people, in rooms, speaking, having discussions and now I obviously can’t do that the same way. I’m working on some broadcast opportunities which will look at ordinary people who are pushing to change things which is very exciting.
Right now though I’m most excited about the podcast I’ve launched with my sister Stevie who is a comedian and journalist. It’s called Might Delete Later and it dives into people social media timelines like we do family photo albums, looking at embarrassing posts, big regrets and proud moments. Plus, it asks us to really think about our relationship with social media. It’s been such a joy to have a laugh and work on something where I can be silly Gina not only Gina Martin the Activist!
Who are some of your current favourite follows online?
My phone, but after that probably Weleda Skin food, Fenty beauty concealer and Ardell Stroke-A-Brow because I always have dry lips, a hormonal spot goatee and I like my brows to be bushy!
What does your perfect weekend look like?
Oh, what a gorgeous question. Well, it would start with the world being free from Coronavirus. And then my perfect weekend would be my parents and sister coming to stay. We’d wake up late, have coffee and then walk to our favourite tiny cafe and have brekkie. Maybe then we’d all go for a family walk to the park and sit in the sun, before heading home to hang around the house eating nibble bits and have naps. After, we woke up and got ready we’d go out for some red wine at a nice cosy bar and finish the day having Italian at Circolo Popolare! On the Sunday we’d wander around London for hours, grabbing food at a food market and come home to watch a movie and all get takeaway together. I’d kill to have that time with my family. We talk for hours upon hours.
If you could only eat one meal again what would it be?
Pasta. Not even a doubt in my mind. Any pasta. All Pasta. Pasta for brekkie, lunch and dinner. With Garlic bread. Am I allowed to add a backup and say Mexican? Because I have to give that an honourable mention – but pasta has my heart. Going to go and cook some right this second.
If you could give one positive message to our followers what would it be?
Look at your experience from the bottom up, not the top down. On everything. From where you are in the world; your rights, your privileges to personal things like your achievements and your successes. Realise you have an obligation: to do your best for other people. They need you. We all need each other. Oh, and no one can tell you you’re not the right person to make the world a better place.
Getting ready for a night out feels like a lifetime ago but that won't stop us going from 0 to 100 just for a video call with our mates.
This week the team are talking through their current go-to beauty products! From skincare to setting spray, we’ve definitely switched up what we’re reaching for, now the temperatures are rising, swapping full coverage for fake tan! Getting ready for a night out feels like a lifetime ago but that won’t stop us going from 0 to 100 just for a video call with our mates. Hands up who can’t wait for their big beauty reveal post lockdown!
Charlotte
I’ve tried various foundations over the years, but throughout my acne/oily stages to a more dry complexion, and now settling at my more normal skin type, this foundation has been with me through it all! It’s glowy, can be built to full coverage and the shade Mont Blanc is my perfect colour match. There’s nothing not to love!
Starting off with skincare, I was recently -influenced- by Zoe to try the Lumene Nordic-C Glow boost essence and I’m already a HUGE fan. I also bought the vitamin c brightening moisturiser and both products are really lovely together, I can already tell I’ll be repurchasing. Now that the sun is shining and my tan has started coming out the woodworks I’m back to adding the Tan-Luxe drops into my routine. So much better than trying to get a tan on your face and they’re so great to use overnight. For makeup, I’ve recently fallen in love with Nars Radiant Creamy long-wear foundation, I was never a big fan of Nars Sheer Glow so didn’t bother to try it but it is such a lovely formulation and my skin has never looked better. I’ve added in Hoola Caramel as it’s also a bit of a game-changer for bronzing and contouring in the summer it’s a beautiful warm shade. For my glow, it has to be Becca. I use the backlight priming filter for a lit from within vibe under foundation and go in with their highlighter after. I’m a champagne Pop girl through and through but I’m also considering an Opal purchase.
I’m the kind of person that finds a product I like and then I stay loyal to that same product for years!
This face scrub has been a game-changer for me. Not only is it made from repurposed coffee grounds from London Cafes but it works wonders for my face and leaves my skin so moisturised and soft.
I absolutely love this Herbivore Lapis Oil I pop it onto a bare face/neck before bed, using upward strokes. Feels amazing!
It took me so long to find a brow product that worked for me. I have quite sparse dark brows and the Glossier Brow Flick fills them in and keeps them looking natural.
Finally, the Bare Minerals Matt Powder Foundation provides brilliant coverage and feels so light on your skin.
bareMinerals Original Foundation – I’ve talked about my love of this fabulous foundation for years. With only 5 ingredients and very buildable, you’d expect this not to give much coverage as it’s a powder foundation, but it’s as sheer or as full as you want it to be. I also love it because it’s light & you don’t feel as though you’re really wearing anything. It also makes your skin look glowy & healthy too!
bareMinerals barepro glow liquid highlight – I’ve been loving adding a liquid highlighter to my moisturiser if I’m having a no-makeup day (which was pretty much every day last week). It gives your skin that glowy look without doing an entire face of makeup.
Tan-luxe Face fake tan drops – I’ve also been adding tanning drops to my moisturiser or serum at night to give me a bit more of a summer glow and these have been my go-to! If I’m having a day of no makeup however, I’ve used the loving tan fake tan and applied that to my face with a makeup brush and then washed off a couple of hours later. I’ve become a bit obsessed!
Allies of Skin Mandelic Night Serum – At a much higher price point than a lot of my other skincare, this serum is exceptional & a staple in my routine. If I’ve had any blemishes, I find this completely clears my skin & reduces redness as well as erase pigmentation & scarring. I use it at night and by the morning my spot has halved in size or gone completely. My skin has definitely looked much more even in tone since using this and I’ve repurchased despite the price! Allies of skin is a brand that I highly recommend to anyone who has the budget.
I am having such a minute with skincare at the moment and like a lot of us, I’ve pretty much-abandoned makeup altogether. Ole Henriksen remains a firm favourite brand as I’m working my way through yet another pot of their banana bright eye cream which is super thick and nourishing, I’m obsessed. I’ve also newly discovered their vitamin C Truth Serum which is also incredible for brightening up my skin every morning. As we’ve had some gorgeous weather the last few weeks I’ve been making more effort to moisturise my forgotten limbs. My go-to right now is the lush body lotions and scrubs. Although I’m embracing the naked face look I do sometimes stretch as far as a tinted product. The holy grail to making you look alive is the by Terry cc serum in Sunny Flash, it’s a tad pricey but my god is it worth it. Finally, I’m loving my eve lom kiss mix lip balm to give a touch of colour to my face.
I like to keep my go-to products seasonal and switch them up accordingly! Currently, I am always going back to the Bondi Sands everyday gradual tanning oil, it gives you a lovely glow! I also always go back to the Chanel healthy glow bronzing cream, it’s such a beautiful bronzer, great with or without foundation. I even use it as eyeshadow! The Becca glow glaze stick is a new go-to but definitely deserves a mention. This cream highlighter gives a subtle and natural glow to the skin, but with the most beautiful pearlescent effect. Going more into the skincare area, I am a true advocate of SPF and especially the Clinique City Block, it’s got a lovely texture and also works really well as a primer before makeup. I also rave about The Ordinary Niacinamide with Zinc, this product has really helped my skin, especially in reducing redness. Lastly, I always have a pot of Carmex near me, I’ve tried so many lip balms and I’ve still not found one better!
A new discovery for me but Typology has fast become one of my favourite brands! Cruelty-free, ethically-sourced, honest skincare, and just look at that beautiful branding. What more could a girl want from her beauty products?
I’ve been making a conscious effort to try and look after my nails during lockdown so set about using cuticle oil twice a day to try and revive my desperately dry nail beds. This stuff seems to be doing the trick.
This pencil works wonders for faking a fuller brow. My brows are quite sparse and gappy but this gives the impression that I have thicker brows than I actually do.
Bursting with flavours from all over the world, mezze can just as easily be enjoyed as the main snack board supper itself, or an all-day grazing board, if you’re no longer subscribing to the idea of breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Found throughout the Mediterranean and the Middle East, Mezze, or meze, is a selection of small plates and savoury dishes, made to be shared alongside any main meal.
Bursting with flavours from all over the world, mezze can just as easily be enjoyed as the main snack board supper itself, or an all-day grazing board, if you’re no longer subscribing to the idea of breakfast, lunch and dinner. That’s us! Mealtimes have blurred into one big all you can eat lockdown buffet anyway, right?
Whoever you’re sharing your house with right now, this smorgasbord of delights is one way to enjoy a sociable and leisurely meal at home while lingering in the garden or playing games around the table. Grab a plate and get stuck in!
Assembling your Mezze
The mezze experience is as much about the visual feast as it is about the taste but that doesn’t mean you have to be pedantic about presentation. You are the architect of your own mezze masterpiece. As long as it’s colourful, plentiful and served on the biggest platter you can find, you’re doing it right.
All of these ingredients can be purchased in your weekly shop, so if pre-prepared and low maintenance is the way you want to go with mealtimes, mezze’s your main guy.
Dips & sauces
No mezze is complete without party dips and sauces. Load up your platter with houmous and tzatziki – decant them into bowls and nestle them in amongst the rest of your ingredients to make for easy dipping.
To spruce up your shop-bought houmous, make a swirl pattern using the back of a spoon and add a drizzle of olive oil and some pine nuts. Your household will never know it’s pre-made!
Olives
Like little mouthfuls of the Med, mixed olives, pickles and nuts are the best accompaniment for any mezze spread.
Cured meats
Meats like dry-cured prosciutto and salami are delicious with olives and bread. You can also try prosciutto-wrapped asparagus – finger food at its best!
Bread
Serve a variety of bread, Lavash or warm toasted pittas with a generous bowl of dipping oil and balsamic vinegar.
Veggies
Add some crunchy crudités to your platter with raw carrots, roasted asparagus spears and sweet red & yellow peppers.
Fruit
Once you’ve assembled your mezze, fill in any little gaps on your platter with clusters of fruit and veg. Grapes make for a great palette cleanser after you’ve been up for second helpings of salty cheese and salami.
Sun-dried tomatoes
Throw in in those Mediterranean flavours with marinated sun-dried tomatoes – perfect for complementing that tangy feta.
Cheese
Feta and mozzarella balls are the best choices for a Mediterranean mezze but halloumi or whatever you’ve got in your fridge will work just as well.
Falafel
Simply delicious served on flatbread with a generous dollop of fresh yogurt or tahini dip. So simple, so good.
Garnish
To finish, decorate your spread with a few fresh sprigs of rosemary – not only does it smell great, but it also adds texture and visual interest against the backdrop of all the vibrant mezze colours.
And there you have it, a foodie’s masterpiece! Drizzle and dunk to your heart’s content.
All The Thoughts And Feelings We Had Watching Normal People
If you’ve seen it, then you’ll know what all the fuss is about, and why Connell’s silver chain is the only thing that matters anymore.
If you’ve made it this far into lockdown without watching Normal People, what could have been so urgent, please?
If you’ve seen it, then you’ll know what all the fuss is about, and why Connell’s silver chain is the only thing that matters anymore.
With sex scenes and full-frontal nudity, it’s… #NormalPeople and every single thought and emotion we had while watching it.
1. Huh, I never imagined Connell to be a silver chain wearer when I read the book
2. A moment of silence for everyone sitting down to watch this with their parents.
3. The playlist, I need the playlist. Give me those sad indie tunes immediately
4. Who knew Gaelic football could be this erotic
5. Not handling the cosmic sexual chemistry so well over here
6. She really wants to take her clothes off doesn’t she
7. Yep, that’s it then. I really fancy Connell
8. Even my armpits are aroused at this point
9. Is he… stopping to put a condom on
10. Yep, just casually rolling it on
11. Consent perfectly executed, followed by, “I think you’re really pretty by the way” – he is now officially my internet boyfriend
12. I know Marianne’s nipples better than I know my own
13. So pert, so poised
14. Why do I feel as though I could burst into tears at any moment
15. The acting, the cinematography, the music, the script. We are not worthy of such greatness
16. Imogen Heap and car sex. What a horny little recipe.
17. Why does Marianne’s mum remind me of Jenny Lind from The Greatest Showman?
18. MARIANNE DESERVED TO GO TO THE DEBS, CONNELL YOU FILTHY PIECE OF TOERAG
19. Oh it hurts, it physically hurts
20. PULL IN HERE. Yes Lorraine, you legend
21. Never in this history of voicemails that don’t belong to me, have I been so personally traumatised
22. Yep, can confirm still fancy Connell in his BP garage uniform
23. I wonder if there will be a Normal People tour complete with GAA shorts signed by Connell available in the gift shop. If so, would visit, would buy
24. If 2020 were a person, it would look a lot like Jamie
25. I can’t wait for them to have glorious Trinity reunion sex
26. Marianne’s got a hip flask of gin on gin, she must mean business
27. She’s touching the chain, I repeat, she’s touching the chain
28. Googles various men in jewellery
29. But it’s not the same. Because they’re not Connell
30. I’m going to need to know where Marianne’s yellow bedding is from…
31. Oh, yep now she’s sucking his finger
32. Has he actually got his flaccid lad out on tv? High five BBC.
33. Look at it blissfully bobbing around the groin, living its best limp life and allowed to just catch its breath in a debrief for a second
34. I can’t decide if releasing this absolute filth in the middle of a pandemic where we’re largely forbidden from touching other people’s genitals was genius or savage
35. And I’ve landed on savage
36. Even the tea is sexy
37. Aw, look he kissed her on the shoulder in public. Progress!
38. Not again Connell ffs, my heart’s down to its last valve
39. No, what are you doing? Turn around. Ask her if you can stay with her for the Summer you eejit
40. Maybe I should cut myself a fringe
41. Ok, Marianne Italy suits you
42. Sweden… not so much
43. Episode 10 just chewed on my heart for fun and spat it back out again
44. When Connell cries, the nation cries with him
45. “We can keep Skype on. Carry me over to your bed” No YOU’RE crying again.
46. THIS ACTING IS SOMETHING ELSE
47. A Rocket ice cream? Controversial.
48. The car scene. Let that be it. Let them be happy and have loads of highly intelligent children for crying out loud.
49. I’m one more flashback from an emotional breakdown
50. That kiss was so wholesome
51. What a f*cking beautiful bit of tv
52. BEAUTIFUL I tell you
53. But also devastating
54. If there’s any justice in the world, there will be a season 2. You hear me? We’re owed a season 2 Hulu, and an explanation for THAT ending
55. It’s been 2 weeks and I’m still thinking about Connell Waldron’s chain
56. If I accomplish nothing else in these lockdown years, at least I can tell my grandchildren about the time I watched Normal People in one sitting and I was both horny and emotionally unstable throughout
57. “I’ll go” “and I’ll stay…and we’ll be ok” OH JESUS WEPT I AM NOT OK
58. What a wild ride that was
59. I’m fully prepared to accept I’m never going to emotionally recover from this
Bobbi Brown Pro Makeup Artist Aimee Morrison shares some top tips and tricks, how she got into the makeup industry, and what she's up to during lockdown.
First of all, how are you and how are you coping in lockdown?
I’m really well and I would say I have adapted to life as a pro makeup artist working from home now, I’m so lucky that I get to work virtually with our clients online via Live Chats which is great fun. I also love being able to share more content for my followers on Instagram too, it’s a great tool to educate and connect with everyone.
Personally, I’ve been able to drink as many coffee’s as I want all thanks to my mum and dad’s lovely Nespresso machine (ha!) and I enjoy baking a weekly banana bread for the family too! I guess I’ve just been trying to stick to a daily routine which includes more time on skincare vs makeup these days.
How long have you been a Bobbi Brown Pro and how did you get into it?
I have been a Bobbi Brown Pro Artist for 3 years and I’ve worked for the brand for 8 years in total. I joined when I was 19 years old, it was my mum who got me the job! My mum has always inspired me to look after myself and started buying me Bobbi Brown products when I was still at High School. My first ever Bobbi Brown products were a Shimmer Brick and Lip Gloss – two of which I still love and use now. I studied makeup at college for 3 years and my first job in the industry was for YSL.
One day my mum took me to our local Bobbi Brown counter in Glasgow, where of course she was a VIP having been so loyal to the brand, to look into and buy some new makeup bits for my kit. During our consultations, she started talking about my passion for makeup and I left the counter feeling so inspired and with a job interview the following week, the rest is history!
Have you always been a makeup lover?
Yes, always! My dad tells me that he knew from a very young age that I would be involved in makeup. I had to have it all…and I still do. I used to borrow mums red lipstick and wear it all the time before I knew what to do with it, I’m pretty sure I coloured in my bedroom wall using it too! I used to love watching my mum do her makeup and make herself look beautiful, I guess it stemmed from there. She truly is my idol. Now I have a full and varied CV that I am super proud of, all thanks to loving makeup – ranging from travelling across the globe to Paris & New York for fashion weeks, assisting and leading shoots, working with press and influencers at various events to presenting Live on QVC.
I really do enjoy nothing more though than meeting real women/men and teaching them how to be and feel the best versions of themselves with great skincare and beautiful makeup products. I’m so grateful for all the amazing opportunities that Bobbi Brown Cosmetics has and continues to throw my way.
Do you have any favourite looks you’ve created on yourself or someone else?
I would say that my signature makeup look on myself would have to be a Soft Bronze Smokey Eye paired with a Nude Glossy Lip. But I’m also always a fan of anything 90’s inspired. For others, I love nothing more than to create glowing, seamless looking skin. When most want to cover up their complexions with lots of foundation, I find it so fun stripping it back and teaching clients how to make their skin look and feel amazing with small layers of skincare and makeup versus just focusing on how to make their foundation look good. Glowing skin is always in, right?
Who are some of your favourite MUAs to follow?
I follow so many amazing and inspiring makeup artists, who I look to for inspiration and guidance. Patrick Ta is a firm favourite on Instagram, I love his beautiful work on his celebrity clients. I also love Katie Jane Hughes, her editorial work is unreal, and I’m obsessed with her close-ups and eye shots on herself. I have been watching lots of Lisa Eldridge tutorials on YouTube too for inspiration.
How has your makeup changed since being in lockdown?
I wake up in the morning’s and I take more time layering on my skincare. Starting each day with glowing skin makes me feel good. I then reach for my at-home makeup bag which has concealer, mascara, a brow pencil and lip gloss in! I spend 5 minutes doing makeup now instead of half an hour, it’s great!
What has been the highlight of your career so far?
I am so grateful to have many highlights as a Pro Artist, but I would say my biggest achievement so far has got to be New York Fashion Week in February this year with the Bobbi Brown pro team! It’s the hardest I’ve ever worked in my life with super early call times, nonstop makeup tests, organising makeup kits for each lead makeup artist to then getting the models in their makeup looks for the runway. It’s true what they say it’s a city that never sleeps! I loved every second. I still can’t believe my biggest dream since joining the brand in 2012 came true.
What are you currently working on?
I am currently working a lot more virtually now, with online daily Live Chats engaging still with our lovely clients. It’s great because we are starting to do video calls now to better help us recommend skincare and makeup products. As a Pro Team, we are collaborating with a lot more influencers and brands via Instagram which is cool!
I’m also creating more content for my channels as working with journalists to provide an expert voice across their media channels. At a time when people aren’t able to access the 1 on 1 interaction they usually can, I’m so thrilled that we are able to get our voices out there thanks to social media and online beauty, lifestyle hubs.
What are some of your top makeup tips?
Top Tips:
For that perfect NO MAKEUP, MAKEUP look, it’s all about applying and blending out small layers of concealer onto a well-hydrated base versus applying thick foundation all over.
Don’t slack when it comes to mascara, I always curl my lashes before and sometimes after applying 2-3 layers of my favourite Smokey Eye Mascara to make the most of my lashes.
Multi-use products more to save time and money, for example, I often apply bronzer to eyelids for a subtle hint of colour and I love Pot Rouge for cheeks and lips.
What do you always carry with you?
Tissues and concealer! I have super watery eyes so always need to dab my under eye area and I need my concealer to top up any removed makeup.
What does your perfect weekend look like?
It’s got to involve the beauty of nature, I love nothing more than to get my outdoors attire on, jump in the car and drive to Scotland’s beautiful highlands with my partner and cocker spaniel. Away from everyday life and not reaching for my mobile helps me to release any stress and improves my self-awareness.
If you could only eat one meal again what would it be?
Oh, wow this is hard but I would have to say pizza. Margheritas are my favourite with a side of fries and mayo. Simple but absolutely delicious. There is nothing better than a perfectly cooked pizza!
If you could give one positive message to our followers what would it be?
Despite living out our summer dreams in our back gardens or flat balconies, you best believe we’re still loving all things warm weather dressing and the chance to whack our (rather hairy at this stage) legs out for some well needed Vitamin D. Whether it’s midi, maxi or mini, you can’t go far wrong with […]
Despite living out our summer dreams in our back gardens or flat balconies, you best believe we’re still loving all things warm weather dressing and the chance to whack our (rather hairy at this stage) legs out for some well needed Vitamin D.
Whether it’s midi, maxi or mini, you can’t go far wrong with a style you know and love. So whether it’s to pretend you have your life together pre Zoom call, or to dress up for your faux Saturday night out in the living room, these are the throw on dresses adding some well-needed oomph to our Summer wardrobes.
Jade
I love the clashing patterns on this Summer Maxi Dress, plus it looks so easy to throw on in the morning. I would pair it with some chunky hoops, simple sandals and a cardi for those chillier evenings.
The time is approaching to whip out the sandals again and what better time than with a new summer dress! I love this shirred style dress, nice and flowy. Paired with a pair of chunky sandals and a cute little shoulder bag, a quick and easy outfit to throw on!
For me, it doesn’t get much more “throw on” than a classic wrap dress. They’re so faltering and comfortable and can be dressed up or down depending on where you’re going. I bought a couple from & Other Stories last year that I’ll be definitely getting back out this summer and I think I’ll be adding this gorgeous addition to my collection too. Throw on a hat, sunglasses and some cute little sandals and you’re on to a winner.
For me throw on summer dresses are usually pretty flowing floral numbers mixed with lots of white! I love that feeling on holiday of being freshly washed and smelling amazing after a day of feeling salty and sandy (which I actually hate) and throwing on a gorgeous dress. I usually shop on ASOS for things like that as they have such a variety from different brands. I usually pair shorter more feminine dresses with oversized denim or leather jackets and I’ll also sometimes throw on and an oversized vintage tee with maxi dresses.
HOW CUTE IS THIS PALE GREEN LINEN DRESS? I love simple styles like this, they really embody “throw on” as it does all the talking and can be styled with quite literally ANYTHING. I’d probably wear a pair of chunky white trainers with this, and a cool pair of sunnies.
I’m here for anything you can throw on with ease in Summer and this oversized maxi would be perfect for chucking on for a beach walk, BBQ, or a pub lunch – you name it. I’d style it with a pair of jute sandals and a straw hat. Nice and easy!
For me, a throw on summer dress means something I know will make me feel put together and like ‘me’ with minimal effort. I love the classic shape of this red number- I think it would look great with both a sandal or chunky trainer! Dress down with a denim jacket or make it evening appropriate with some simple jewellery and a red lip!
Reading provides the best form of escapism and procrastination, and who doesn’t need a bit of that in their lives right about now?
Let’s hear it for the TBR pile – the great to-be-read rock face that no man has ever actually managed to abseil down. Ever.
In bleak times, we reach for books so you could say our TBR piles are looking wildly overgrown at the moment thanks to a global pandemic that made us all want to stick our noses into a best-seller and consume someone else’s story for a while.
Reading provides the best form of escapism and procrastination, and who doesn’t need a bit of that in their lives right about now?
Reading provides the best form of escapism and procrastination, and who doesn’t need a bit of that in their lives right about now? So, if you’re a seasoned book lover tormented by the impossible dilemma of what to read next, or eager to get back into reading race but not sure where to start, you’re in good hands here.
From the classics the contemporary greats, here’s a nosey at the books we’re collecting on our bedside tables, windowsills and just about any other free surface we can find, until we’re ready to read ’em. Happy hoarding!
I narrowly missed out on reading this as part of the Zoella book club before I joined the team but I’ve heard it’s a solid 5/5, despite being a bit of a slow burner – a lot of the best books always are! I’m actively trying to avoid anything I see about the plot because I don’t want to read any spoilers but I cannot wait to get stuck in. I already don’t want it to end and I haven’t even started it yet.
I don’t tend to read a great deal of non-fiction but after seeing the cover all over my Instagram feed, I was officially influenced. Journalist Lisa Taddeo spent the best part of a decade traveling across America interviewing her female subjects and chronicling their inner most desires. Maggie had a sexual relationship with her high school teacher, Lina’s stuck in a passionless marriage and looking elsewhere and Sloane’s husband loves to partake in threesomes. I’ve never read anything like it before, so I’m intrigued to see if it lives up to the unputdownable hype. Time will tell!
Sometimes you just need a fast and easy read to punctuate the stack of murder mysteries and thrillers on your TBR pile, and I think Patel’s debut will be just that. If You See Me, Don’t Say Hi is a collection of 11 beautifully written short stories, all set in the Indian-African community. I’m up for a refreshing palette cleanser after reading some pretty dark and gritty novels lately!
I can’t believe I’ve never read this before. I’m a terrible English Lit student! I think my uni reading list was largely taken up by Middlemarch. Say. No. More. If you know, you know. I think it’s great to change things up from time to time and squeeze a classic in amongst the best-sellers and new author debuts. They’re not always the easiest to get through but there’s nothing wrong with taking your sweet time over your reading sometimes.
I devoured Rooney’s other best-selling novel, Normal People, in a day and recently binged all 12 episodes of the tv adaptation too and bloody loved it, so I don’t really want to get off the Rooney ride just yet. I picked up Conversations With Friends in a charity shop a while ago and since then forgot all about it. I love a coming-of-age novel and this sounds like it’ll be the perfect YA NA hybrid.
Darcey is reading…
I’m really excited about my TBR pile and am looking forward to getting stuck into them over the next month! At least all this extra free time we have means we can read a lot more, which is always great!
This Lovely City – Louise Hare Of course, the Zoella book club read is on my list! He’s first up on my TBR pile, I’ll be starting this at the weekend! I’m really looking forward to reading this one and looking forward to seeing everyone else’s thoughts on this book. I thoroughly enjoy a crime drama, intertwined with a love story, so I’ve got high hopes for this book!
Little Fires Everywhere – Celeste Ng I have never read this book… a true classic and I really do feel like I am missing out big time! So he is definitely in my TBR pile, however I will have to find all my strength to not watch the new series on Amazon first… I’m a real sucker for a good series but I know I’ll never read the book if I watch the series first.
Notes On A Nervous Planet – Matt Haig I started reading this book earlier this year and never got through to the end. This wasn’t a case of not enjoying it, more life got busy and I started picking up fiction books which were more of an escape when reading. But, in current times, I think reading this book will really help stay grounded in these strange times. Matt Haig is an amazing person, I find him massively inspiring and vow to take the time to read this book and use it to reflect on my own life.
Zoe is reading…
As well as ploughing through our monthly Zoella Book Club reads, I keep a pile of books that are next on my list if I was to finish one sooner. These are currently the ones i’m most excited to get stuck into.
I read Lockhart’s “We were liars” years ago, and although it took me a while to get used to her unique writing style, I absolutely ended up falling in love with it and it’s fast paced nature and suspense. I’ve had this book a while, and everytime I see it i’m reminded of how much I want to read it, but pop it back in my bookshelf and forget! I’m making a mental note (and now you can remind me), that I want to get stuck into this asap.
Blurb taken from Amazon – Imogen is a runaway heiress, an orphan, a cook, and a cheat. Jule is a fighter, a social chameleon, and an athlete. An intense friendship. A disappearance. A murder, or maybe two. A bad romance, or maybe three. Blunt objects, disguises, blood, and chocolate. The American dream, superheroes, spies, and villains. A girl who refuses to give people what they want from her. A girl who refuses to be the person she once was.
I ordered this book a year or so ago because I’d seen someone online recommend it and noticed it in my Amazon recommendations a few times!
Blurb taken from Amazon – Once a celebrated author of short stories now in his twilight years, Anthony Peardew has spent half his life collecting lost objects, trying to atone for a promise broken many years before. Realising he is running out of time, he leaves his house and all its lost treasures to his assistant Laura, the one person he can trust to fulfil his legacy and reunite the thousands of objects with their rightful owners. But the final wishes of the ‘Keeper of Lost Things’ have unforeseen repercussions which trigger a most serendipitous series of encounters…
Again, another book I’ve seen a few people read and recommend that I thought looked quite interesting. I’ve not read anything by Anna Burns before but this sounded like something I’d also enjoy!
Blurb from amazon – In this unnamed city, to be interesting is dangerous. Middle sister, our protagonist, is busy attempting to keep her mother from discovering her maybe-boyfriend and to keep everyone in the dark about her encounter with Milkman. But when first brother-in-law sniffs out her struggle, and rumours start to swell, middle sister becomes ‘interesting’. The last thing she ever wanted to be. To be interesting is to be noticed and to be noticed is dangerous. Milkman is a tale of gossip and hearsay, silence and deliberate deafness. It is the story of inaction with enormous consequences.
I feel like most people have already read this and I am trailing pretty far behind. It has amazing reviews and friends have told me to get cracking on this as they loved it. It’s sold more than 4 million copies worldwide!
Blurb from amazon – In 1942, Lale Sokolov arrived in Auschwitz-Birkenau. He was given the job of tattooing the prisoners marked for survival – scratching numbers into his fellow victims’ arms in indelible ink to create what would become one of the most potent symbols of the Holocaust. Waiting in line to be tattooed, terrified and shaking, was a young girl. For Lale – a dandy, a jack-the-lad, a bit of a chancer – it was love at first sight. And he was determined not only to survive himself, but to ensure this woman, Gita, did, too. So begins one of the most life-affirming, courageous, unforgettable and human stories of the Holocaust: the love story of the tattooist of Auschwitz.
After reading Sally Rooneys “Normal People”, I ordered this immediately which is another novel from her. I’ve had it on my TBR pile for a while, but now I’ve just finished watching the adaptation of Normal People on tv, I am craving more of Sally’s real and raw storytelling. She has a way of making you feel fully submerged in the relationships she writes which I love.
Blurb from Amazon – Frances is twenty-one years old, cool-headed and observant. A student in Dublin and an aspiring writer, at night she performs spoken word with her best friend Bobbi, who used to be her girlfriend. When they are interviewed and then befriended by Melissa, a well-known journalist who is married to Nick, an actor, they enter a world of beautiful houses, raucous dinner parties and holidays in Provence, beginning a complex ménage-à-quatre. But when Frances and Nick get unexpectedly closer, the sharply witty and emotion-averse Frances is forced to honestly confront her own vulnerabilities for the first time.
Charlotte is reading…
My TBR consists of three newbies and one oldie but goldie that I’ll be getting stuck into over the next few weeks, mainly as a distraction from the holidays and fun plans ol ‘rona has put on hold. Deffo not upset about it. Nope.
Reasons To Stay Alive Matt Haig One of my kindest pals got me this as part of my Secret Santa gift a few months back now (bloody hell how fast has this year gone?!) and I’ve somehow yet to make a dent in it. I love everything Matt Haig stands for since following him online a few years ago and feel like this read might be poignant now more than ever in what feels like a really wobbly time emotionally.
Amsterdam Ian McEwan This has been on my shelf collecting dust for so long and I’m determined to read it during lockdown. I think my dad bought me this as a gift when I was in college as I was studying ‘Atonement’, one of McEwan’s most well-known novels, which I loved! This one is only a short one so hopefully, I can make my way through soon on a sunny day in the garden.
The Rosie Result Graeme Simsion This is the last book in The Rosie Project series and I’m sad to be reaching the end! The story follows genetics professor Don Tillman who devises a questionnaire to find the perfect wife after struggling to maintain successful relationships with women due to his somewhat unique but often endearing way of thinking. It’s very similar to the style of Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, so if you loved that I’d highly recommend it!
The Book Thief Markus Zusak This is perhaps one of my all-time favourite reads and one I’ve been inspired to pick back up after reading This Lovely City which also focuses on the Second World War. This book follows the tale of a young girl named Liesel as she comes of age in Nazi Germany and the complications and confusion that emerged following the demise of the Nazi party from a young girl’s perspective. The book is a tear-jerker, to say the least, but one I think is so important and impactful.
Danielle is reading…
Most of my reading time is taken up by our Zoella Book Clubs which is absolutely fine by me as we all help to pick them! I also usually listen to this using Audible as they’re great for tackling when I’m out with the dog or walking on the beach. However, since being in lockdown I’ve found myself reaching for actual books far more often in a bid to soak up the sun in my garden and come off my screens!
Some of these books have been passed on to me and highly recommended like Shrill by Lindy West which has been turned in to a tv show which I always think is a good sign! Shrill is a witty and cathartic memoir with themes of misogyny, fat-shaming, and internet trolls.
I’m so excited to tuck into this as it is so many people’s favourite read. The Kite Runner tells the story of Amir, a young boy from the Wazir Akbar Khan district of Kabul, whose closest friend is Hassan. The story is set against a backdrop of tumultuous events, from the fall of Afghanistan’s monarchy through the Soviet military intervention, the exodus of refugees to Pakistan and the United States, and the rise of the Taliban regime.
I don’t usually read to much self-help or work-driven books but in the interest of coming out of lockdown a new woman (ha) I’m going to give The Skills by Mishal Husain a read and see how I find it! It’s such a big-time for self-reflection at the moment and I think I’ll be far more likely to drink this in and remember the takeaways.
I have had The Friend by Sigrid Nunez for a while and I’m finally ready to pick it up. I’m usually the type of person to put off consuming content that might make me cry which is a bit pathetic as some of the most beautiful stories will make you cry which I was reminded by when watching Normal People this week. The Friend follows the story of a woman who unexpectedly loses a friend to suicide and finds herself burdened with the unwanted dog he has left behind. It’s a story of grief and recovery that I can’t wait to read.
If I’m honest I’ve fallen out of journalism throughout my twenties and started to find sloppy, biased articles a chore to read making me distance myself from the news and things going on in the world. Over the course of the last year, I’ve aimed to change that by subscribing to news sites like The Cramm, The Daily Brief and most recently I started paying for a subscription to The New Yorker. I really enjoy their long-form articles, short stories and cartoons. In fact, I just found out one of my favourite short stories called Sell Outthat I read in The New Yorker years ago is being made into a Seth Rogan movie!
Maddie is reading…
My current TBR pile consists largely of a mix of autobiographies from people i’m interested in or self help business guides. More and more i feel like i want to use my time to learn things and where better to start but by taking in the successes and mistakes of others.
If you know anything about Gary Vaynerchuck you’ll know that he is constantly talking about getting out of your comfort zone, following your passions and is a big believer in stop dreaming and start doing. I feel like his book would be a big inspiration.
How to win friends and influence people Dale Carnegie
This has been on my must read list for too long, it’s considered one of the best business guides and is quote “the only book you need to lead you to success”. It’s quite old so i’m conscious that some of its theories may not be as modern as other books but I’m sure it will still have some really valuable insights.
It’s well documented that women are vastly under represented in the top positions and therefore earnings in businesses worldwide. A fact i find difficult to swallow. This book takes you through interviews from women entrepreneurs who share their experiences and tips for success.
Entrepreneurs don’t get much more fascinating than Elon Musk, he has started more successful businesses than i’ve had hot dinners and has a truly revolutionary forward thinking brain. He also recently named is son X Æ A-12 or “X” for short, so if that doesn’t add to the intrigue i’m not sure anything will.
Could we be any more obsessed with Friends? It’s been 25 years since the sitcom first graced our screens, but the legacy of Central Perk’s most fashionable frequenters lives on in our wardrobes.
The gang are still very much influencing our outfit choices some quarter of a century later. Slip dresses continue to reign supreme, athleisure is ALL we’re wearing right now and 90s denim is never off the table.
Rachel mastered just about every trend in the book
Rachel mastered just about every trend in the book, Monica wasn’t as mad about her #ootd as she was about her marigolds but she still knew how to pull together an absolute lewwwk and Phoebe was one cool (not at all smelly) cat with her kooky boho garb that was just so undeniably, well, Phoebs.
And then there were the boys. Ross with his unbuttoned shirts and infamous leather pants, Chandler with his waistcoat combinations and heartbreak sweatpants and Joey with his many, many layers. They’re just too good not to recreate for ourselves!
Who knows, maybe we’ll source a wedding dress on eBay and join our pals on Zoom with a bottle of beer and a veil to boot. Nothing is too extra during lockdown.
Here’s how the team are styling the signature Friends outfits!
Zoe as Rachel Green
I’m not going to lie, I had FAR too much fun channelling my inner Rachel from Friends 90’s edition. I generally think I could replicate the majority of her outfits as I love an oversized retro jumper and own a good amount of denim (although realised I have a thin denim sh-acket missing from my wardrobe which I now feel is a staple).
Rachel’s style always inspired me as a teen, I loved almost everything she wore. There were certainly a couple of questionable outfit choices in the 00’s (anyone remember that off the shoulder shirt with the tie attached and tucked in? Haha), but as far as her 90’s outfits go, there was a real comfy/cosy vibe which I loved.
Her more formal outfits were all fabulous too and some of her dresses had me crushing on her style SO HARD. Honestly, if you ever find yourself lacking inspiration in your wardrobe, look to your friends fave and see what you come up with. I’d definitely wear these out and about!
Charlotte as Janice
I’m actually not really a Friends lover (I know, unpopular opinion alert) so some serious research went into nailing my Janice ‘look’. As a big fan of animal print myself, it wasn’t too hard to find items in my wardrobe that mimicked her love for all things leopard, which I have to say is probably my fave print of them all. I’m rarely seen in black, so adding in a bright top to match her signature colourful style was an easy choice too, and I love how both statement pieces look together. All I needed was some big, unruly curls and an oversized necklace and the look would be complete!
Lareese as Monica Gellar
True, Rachel was always considered the style icon of the group but Monica Geller’s outfits were all kinds of understated cool. With her signature denim, camis and baggy shirts, she was the poster girl for laid-back 90s cool. No pressure!
I think early to mid Friends Monica was peak Monica. She lived in sneakers, classic blue jeans, sweaters, clean white shirts tied at the front and boyish separates. It’s basically everything we would wear today, just with a vintage, girl-next-door edge.
She always kept things pretty easy going and I appreciate that, it makes the job of dressing like her slightly easier.
I didn’t know how much my boyfriend dressed like Monica Geller until I raided his wardrobe for shirts and basics. Who knew! Our little harmonica was the OG trailblazer for poking around in bae’s wardrobe.
I’ve gone for a classic denim on denim look similar to one that Monica wore in Season 3, The One At The Beach. Jeans – check. Baggy shirt tucked in – check. Sneakers and socks on show – check. Could I be any more Monica? Excuse my wild hair, it’s the humidity.
One of my favourite looks of hers was when she wore classic vintage jeans paired with a black buckled belt, a plain white shirt and boots. I had all these items in my wardrobe which is testament to how timeless Mon’s wardrobe really is. Twenty five years on, it’s still relevant.
Then there’s the red cami and light denim outfit which is so easy to throw on for Summer. Monica didn’t have the most colourful palette, preferring to opt for neutrals and minimal pieces that would go with anything, but she sure knew how to work a splash of red here and there by paring it back with denim basics and minimal hair and makeup.
They say fashion comes in 20 year cycles but I’m pretty sure Friends outfits are perennial.
Off to purchase some knee high boots and dungarees…
Darcey as Chandler Bing
As Chandler is one of my favourites from Friends, it was only right that I tried to recreate some of his looks and put a modern twist on them!
I am a big fan of Chandler’s more casual looks, especially in the earlier seasons, his style has always been iconic and he was a true trendsetter. Unfortunately I don’t own any big grandad style jumpers, which we all know are one of his biggest wardrobe staples! But, I have always appreciated his simple looks with white tee’s, jeans and a pair of trainers.
At first I struggled to find suitable clothing in my own wardrobe, but I think after some rummaging I ended up putting together some simple, but still Chandler Bing inspired looks!
One of my favourite Chandler looks is when he wore jeans, with a white tee tucked in with a black belt. I feel like this is a look that has never, and will never, go out of fashion! I paired the outfit with some black converse, but I think any trainers will do with this look.
Second outfit I trialed out was touching on the classic beige trousers Chandler wears a lot throughout the seasons. Closest I had was some beige jeans, but paired with a grey hoodie I feel like I got the casual, laid-back Chandler vibe! With some matching sports socks and trainers, I’m going for a ‘eating pizza and watching TV’ Chandler look!
Friends outfits are truly iconic, I want to try and style more of my outfits around Chandler and other characters, of course Rachel and Monica are first on my list!
Between You And Me: Answering Your Problems Part 4
In this month’s BYAM problem feature, we’re giving you fun pregnancy announcements ideas, tackling over-exercising in lockdown, wedding fiascos, career ruts and debating whether relationships need to have ‘the spark’ to last.
Life isn’t always cream-coloured ponies and crisp apple strudels. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down and sometimes it’s a whole sh*tshow of emotions we can’t even begin to try articulating, but we’re here to lend a virtual ear and hash it out together!
In this month’s BYAM problem feature, we’re giving you fun pregnancy announcements ideas, tackling over-exercising in lockdown, wedding fiascos, career ruts and debating whether relationships need to have ‘the spark’ to last.
Darcey
I’m so sorry you are experiencing all this negativity at home and that it’s starting to affect how you see yourself. Dealing with your own body image can be hard enough, let alone when your own family are putting you down about your weight.
This sounds like a really tricky situation, I don’t know your family situation, but I wonder if this is the only area you find you have problems with them? Or whether they can be judgemental about other areas of your life. Either way, it can’t be nice having to deal with and take in all their negative comments.
Firstly, I want to say, we all come in different shapes and sizes and we are all beautiful. Individuality is what makes us and how boring the world would be if we all looked the same, thought the same, did the same! Secondly, never change yourself for others. I saw that you said you worry someone won’t love you in the future unless you lose weight. No one is deserving of your love if they don’t love you for you. You will find someone who loves every part of you and loves your insecurities even more.
I totally understand where you are coming from too in regard to exercising. I too, hate running and have found it so hard to find a form of exercise I actually enjoy! If exercising is what you want to be doing and isn’t because you are feeling pressured to do so, I recommend trying different things out. As we are all doing home workouts now, I’ve found dance workouts on YouTube are super fun and also really help relieve stress.
Also, continue loving chocolate! Life is far too short to spend it not enjoying the food you like (if you like eating a lot of veg, that is also great!). But, if you are like me, who enjoys snacks, enjoys food, then keep enjoying it! Life is about balance and eating the things you love is included in that balance.
In regard to your family, I wonder if they realise that they are upsetting you so much. I saw you said you cry yourself to sleep sometimes, which breaks my heart, I hope you have friends you can confide in during those times. But, have you spoke to them about how bad they are making you feel? Maybe think about voicing how you are feeling, that their opinions are really beginning to put you down. If they think it’s all “jokes” or “family banter”, they might not realise how damaging their comments are. I hope you can find a way to resolve this, as no one should have to put up with these comments on a daily basis, your body is yours, no one should feel they have a right to criticise it.
All I can say to stay positive is, make sure your social media is giving you all the positive vibes. If an account makes you feel bad about yourself, unfollow it. We have so much power over what we see online. Practising self-love can be a long process and doesn’t happen overnight, unfortunately. But, speak nicely to yourself and that will really begin to change how your mind works. Listen to some podcasts which talk about body image and acceptance! Yoga and meditation are also great ways to connect back to yourself, learning how your body moves and works.
Keep that positive energy flowing! You are an amazing person, and don’t you forget it! You are beautiful, caring and so loved. Good luck with university and everything in the future. Wishing you all the best.
Darcey X
Jade
Hey Anon,
I’m really sorry to hear you are facing this negativity from your family. Everyone can be negative at times, it’s usually someone’s own state of mind being projected onto whatever they are being negative towards. However, negative comments that are this hurtful and regular can really affect someone’s self-esteem so it’s no wonder you are feeling mentally drained.
I feel that the most beneficial goal for you would not be to lose weight but to feel happy, healthy and comfortable in your body, no matter what size you are and most importantly – to feel loved by your family unconditionally.
I wonder if it would help to take the focus away from weight and shift it more towards why your family feel the need to be judgemental like this towards you.
If you haven’t already, I would suggest sitting down with them and letting them know how you are feeling. Be honest with them and hopefully they can appreciate your openness and can begin to understand that these comments are hurting you deeply. There’s a lot of strong emotions surrounding this topic for you, so you may find it easier to write them a letter.
I would also hugely recommend confiding in other people around you, friends or anyone you can trust. If my friend was going through this I would really want to be there to support her, and I’m sure your friends feel the same.
I understand how this situation has made a dent in your own self-esteem. I would recommend writing a list of things about yourself that you are proud of and appreciate. For example – proud of the fact that you are at University and that you appreciate that you are in good health. I would then refer back to this list when you start having the negative thoughts to remind yourself how brilliant you are.
Please remember that you are beautiful and loveable. Wishing you the best.
Jade
Lareese
Hi my love! Thanks so much for writing to us – I’m glad you already feel a huge sense of relief for getting that off your chest. It never serves us to bottle up our emotions and no matter what you’re going through, nothing is too big, small or silly to talk about. That’s exactly why we started this feature in the first place. I’d also like to take this opportunity to say a huge thank you for the incredible work you’re doing in care. I know you’re not having a particularly great time in your role and you’re thinking about a change of career but I just wanted to kick off with a big ol’ thank you – please know that at 8pm on a Thursday, everyone is clapping for you too, and I hope you feel the ripples of that gratitude across Ireland, though it might not be immediately apparent or obvious in your current workplace, sadly. Now onto future YOU. Without running the risk of sounding like a dinosaur, you really are so bloody young. I think there’s a stat somewhere that says we have an average of 5 career changes in our lives or something so, honestly! You’re definitely still in your prime and there’s still every chance to do something truly fulfilling with your life. If writing and social media is what you’re passionate about, I would try and get as much work experience as possible when the lockdown is over. You don’t necessarily need qualifications in social media, marketing or journalism but it certainly helps get your foot in the door and gives you that immediate recognition – would you consider retraining? It might be worth looking at all your options if it’s something you’re serious about and it sounds like you know exactly what kind of job you’d love to be doing, now it’s about making a plan for how you’re going to get there and how you’re going to make it happen. If you’re not sold on the idea of going back to your student days, it might mean picking up a part-time job elsewhere to enable you to complete internships. Perhaps you could start by approaching your local paper or an independent magazine you love reading to see if you can get some writing published or help out with any tasks. Even if it’s not related to social media or writing to begin with. Or reach out to some of your favourite brands or small independent businesses on Instagram to see if they need any help with marketing or social media management. If it’s something you really want, you can make it happen. Be persistent, find out the who’s who of the kinds of titles and businesses you want to work for, follow them on Twitter and get to know the industry inside out. Network, network, network! Then you’ll be able to make an informed decision about whether it’s something you really want to pursue as a new career. It might also be a good idea to start your own blog too. It’s great to be able to show concrete examples of your work to future employers, whether it be for a permanent role or an internship. If you can commit to keeping a blog running and writing for you, it shows that you’re likely to be dedicated to writing for someone else. Change can be a great thing and it certainly sounds like you’re more than ready to make the leap. Keep us posted on your progress – I’m excited to hear all about your next chapter. Lareese x
Darcey
Hey! Thank you for writing in and sharing with us, sometimes writing your thoughts down can be the first step in resolving an issue you are having. No problem is too big or small, we are all dealing with stuff and no one is more significant than another’s. Thank you too for all you are doing in care in these times, we are all so, so, so thankful.
I’m sorry you are having such a hard time at work and it sounds like you’ve been in a rut about your work for a while now. I truly believe if someone isn’t happy in their career and has a chance to change it and start doing something they love; they should go for it! I certainly think you have the power to do this!
At the age of 22, you have not got to have your career figured out, people swap and change between jobs all the time! You can’t truly discover what you love to do without trialling out different roles, whether that’s in the same industry or in a completely new one.
I think you should consider looking into doing a master’s degree, start looking into courses which are marketing, social media, communications and even business based! All of these would really help you in making those steps towards your dream career. I understand though, that money comes into play and you may be dependent on your current wage to live. You could also look into a part-time master’s course, you go to university normally once or twice a week, it’s usually a two-year course, but means you can continue to work while learning. It’s worth exploring and seeing all options!
Experience is also important, but I know this can be difficult to find, especially in these times. I think once we all start going back to somewhat normality, start applying to any internship which is remotely related to what you want to do. Unfortunately, many are un-paid, but the experience will be so helpful. Personality is a really big winner too and the drive to want to learn, I think employers really value this. Remember, we all have to start somewhere, even if you had a degree in digital media, that doesn’t make you an expert in the field. I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t let your degree or experience put you off going for internships in the area you want to work in. Someone will see potential in you!
The best thing to do is just keep at it. LinkedIn is great for seeking out new job opportunities and internships. Message local businesses and see if they need help with their social media management. You could even start your own blog, write about things you love and inspire you, that shows great dedication to employees too!
Definitely don’t give up though! If it’s something you truly love, go for it. The process will have its ups and downs, like anything in life, but if you want something that badly you can get it! All the best in the future.
Darcey X
Danielle
Hello love! This is probably the most relatable question I’ve ever had to answer on BYAM as I’m literally going through the same thing. My wedding was 4th September and my fiance and I made the difficult decision over the weekend to cancel/postpone. What I can tell you is that the amount of relief I felt as soon as we’d decided to take matters into our own hands far outweighed the disappointment that I won’t be getting married then as it’s been a constant source of stress and worry over the last few months. Now, down the nitty-gritty, as it were! As I had only booked a venue and hotel I decided to cancel, get my money back and start fresh when all of this blows over, but I would imagine if you had much of the planning done it would be a much better idea to just postpone so you can have the dream wedding you had previously planned. I think you have to weigh up how important the legal marriage part is to you, and if you are desperate, by all means, go ahead and do it legally as soon as you can in the UK. This is something my sister did (before it was legal to marry outdoors) and she completely considers her wedding day as her anniversary and doesn’t think much about the actual legal day they had in a registry office, they did it on her husbands birthday which is something they obviously celebrate every year anyway. I think a lot of people have strong feelings either way about whether their wedding day includes the legal bit or not but personally I couldn’t care less. So if you’re like me it might be really nice to have the legal bit sooner rather than later then you can still go to Italy for your dream wedding, fake ceremony, speeches etc. next year. What I’ve learnt is you deserve to have the wedding of your dreams with the exciting run-up and if that means waiting a little longer it will all be worth it in the end!
Maddie
Hi there! Firstly can I just virtual hug you right now?! Having gone through the process of planning and having my wedding in the South of France last year I know exactly how much time and energy you will have put into making it perfect for your special day and to have it whipped from under you must be such a hard pill to swallow. You’re definitely making the right choice in acting now as I think it will really take the pressure off and mean that you can go back to enjoying the process ready for next year. It’s a really personal decision but if I was you I think that I would postpone the entire thing and do it as planned in 2021. I think that if you get legally married this year it won’t feel so much like a wedding come August 2021 and you deserve to wear the gorgeous outfit you were planning and have the day you really wanted. As we got married abroad too we had to do the legal bit in the UK but we kept it to just a few weeks apart from the wedding day and only our mums were present so when it came to the big party in the South of France it really felt like the real thing. It’s completely up to you though, there may be other reasons you feel like you want to be legally married sooner rather than later which is completely understandable too. Either way, I hope you have the best wedding when the time comes!
Zoe
Hello! Firstly, CONGRATULATIONS! Sending you and your hubby the biggest virtual squish.
Okay, so, considering we can’t spend time with family or loved ones at the moment, it means that you need to get a bit more creative with your ideas (although definitely doesn’t mean it can’t be just as fun or impactful)
Idea 1 –
Gather your friends and family (or maybe keep that as two separate calls so nobody suspects anything) for a virtual video “quiz night”, Have you or your husband run the quiz, with multiple different themes. Maybe round 1 could be Movies, Round 2 could be theme tunes etc, and the last round could be either, guess the zoomed-in photo (you collate a series of very zoomed-in photos of random miscellaneous objects where people have to guess what they might be) and include a very zoomed-in photo of a baby scan! Have this as the very last question! Hopefully, nobody realises what the photo is of, and once it zooms out, VOILA!! Another thing you could do instead of the zoomed-in photo round, is simply throw in the question “Who is expecting their first baby in insert month”, confusion will ensue, but I think this one is a bit more obvious, although very quick and to the point haha! You could also do a “Baby Photos” round, collecting photos of celebs and friends and family as babies, and popping the scan photo in as the last one! (don’t forget to screen record if you can, would be a lovely thing to capture and watch back).
Idea 2 –
I quite like the idea for closer friends and family, to put together a few little quarantine “drop off” boxes which you can leave on their doorsteps. Either just lot’s of lovely pampering bits, puzzles, games, sweet treats etc and instead of the puzzle being of something random, it’s a puzzle of “you’re going to be a grandparent” or “we’re having a baby” or even the photo of the scan! They will only realise once they put the puzzle together, which I think would be fun. There are companies online that you can use to print and cut these! Alternatively, if you have a bit more time, you could prepare a little treasure hunt within the box. Maybe they need to open one card first, which might hold a clue leading them to being able to open the second card and eventually being able to open the last card which says you’re pregnant! I quite like the idea of this, as you might be able to sit back in your car and watch them make their way through the cards and see their reaction from afar once you open the last one!
Hope this sparks some creativity and helps you in some way! Please let us know how you eventually decide to tell them, I’d love to know how it went and thanks for trusting us with our ideas, I honestly had way too much fun thinking of these! haha
Maddie
Ah this is so exciting, congratulations!! I can’t believe you’ve managed to keep the news to yourselves, I don’t think I would be able to hold it in. Your family are going to be so thrilled! I think the best thing is to see peoples reactions, here are a couple of ideas to get you started!
Everyone is doing a family quiz at the moment so you won’t arise any suspicions to suggest putting one together for everyone. You and your partner could take it in turns doing a normal quiz and then on the last round, you could do a “What’s the link” round where every answer has to have some sort of link to babies! EG:
“What was Britney’s first no1 hit” – Hit my BABY one more time
“Who was the pig in the city?’ – BABE
“What 2007 film started Seth Rogan and Katherine Heigl” – Knocked up
“Gaylord Focker is the lead in which comedy movie?” – Meet the parents
Alternatively, if you live close enough you could do a “distance meeting” where you turn up to their front garden with party poppers and a big sign that says we’re having a baby! It will be difficult, not all-embracing for a big hug which you will need to resist but it’s such a special moment that I think it’s really important you can at least see their faces. Obviously, it goes without saying that you should ensure that this is compliant with government guidelines at the time.
I wish you all the best with your pregnancy, do let us know how your family reacts and if possible you should definitely film their reactions!
Zoe
Hey, thanks for getting in touch!
I’ve never been in this position myself but can see from an outside perspective that communication could possibly be a little stronger here. It’s pretty natural to be nervous about a big step in your life, and although you feel you’re at that stage quite confidently, it sounds like your boyfriend might be a couple of steps behind you. Something as big as purchasing your first home together is a huge deal and something you should definitely both be on the same page about and be as equally excited for. I think the best thing you can do is bring it up whilst talking positively about your future together. Is he excited? Does he add input? See how much he involves himself in the conversation and use this as a time to be really honest with him, as you have been in your email to us. I think it’s pretty normal to have one person in a relationship that feels a little more cautious or apprehensive before a big life change, but it’s about navigating those feelings together and being honest with one another. If you both want the same thing, it will happen. It might just be that you have varying speeds at which you want them to happen, which is also totally fine but he should just be clear about it to you so you can both be on the same page and get excited together rather than how you’re feeling now. Being open and honest with each other will hopefully answer a lot of your questions and ease the uncertainty. Hope it goes well 🙂
Charlotte
Hi Anon!
Although our stories are slightly different, I can definitely relate to this dilemma! I graduated last year and have been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend who lived at home and worked throughout my degree, so I 100% know where you’re coming from in many aspects.
Even though it sounds like you’ve hashed this out previously, I think you really need to sit down again and have an honest conversation about the future and map out a realistic timeline for how the relationship is going to progress. It might be the case that your boyfriend is apprehensive and anxious in taking this big step if it will be his first time living away from home, in which case I think it’s understandable that he’s maybe being slightly over-cautious, and feeling unsure about how to vocalise that. Maybe his lack of savings has been a way of putting off having this kind of conversation in an attempt to stall things? I personally feel a lot more free and happy to move around the country (be it for jobs or internships) over the years, but know that for someone like my boyfriend who’s lived in the same family home all his life, this would understandably feel like a much bigger deal. Having said that, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to be needing a black and white answer, so make the first move in initiating this chat and try and approach it in a way that doesn’t end with him saying what he thinks you want to hear.
Whether it’s just a case of nerves at the prospect of adulting for real or a more underlying commitment issue, it’s best that this comes out sooner rather than later. Go into the chat positively and emphasise the support you can offer emotionally in the big move, and the rest is up to him.
I hope the long term outcome is the happiest for you both, whatever that may be!
Lots of love xxx
Jade
Thanks so much for writing to us and sharing this.
I think a spark can come from many things, for example, often people feel very intensely during their first love because it is the first time you are experiencing those crazy feelings. Also, sometimes if a relationship is quite turbulent you can feel a spark with the highs because you compare them to the lows.
In my opinion, sparks don’t necessarily equate to the fundamental building blocks of a good relationship – such a trust, commitment, intimacy, empathy and respect (to name a few). Healthy and mature relationships can often be less intense and more comfortable, less immediate and more sustainable.
Ultimately I would listen to your gut – it sounds like are you have given this a lot of thought, is it possible that there is something larger missing from the relationship?
I wish you both all the best and I hope you work it out
Jade
Zoe
It depends what you mean by “crazy sparks” and “intense love that can also be very painful” as any relationship where you experience pain means that the joyful moments are made more joyful because of this. Joy you experience with your current partner might feel different if you are missing the pain from your past experiences. I had a very turbulent relationship in my early 20’s and I always explain it like a rollercoaster. The low points felt SO awful and the high points felt SO incredible because the jump from low to high was so immediate and it was such a contrast. In reality, the awful things he did or said meant that any tiny little moment of “love” felt so intense and incredible because the rest of the time it wasn’t. Things that should have been completely normal were exaggerated. If what you mean is that you have felt intense love previously and you were so scared of being hurt, or losing that person then this could be because of the person you were previously, less relationship experience etc etc, there are so many different factors that could have made your past relationship feel different. Unless you are still thinking about that person, you can’t have loved them as intensely as you think 😉
In terms of having that “spark”, I can’t say I believe that Love will always feel like those first few months of passionate, overwhelming emotion that you experience when you first get together with someone. Those feelings are so intense and exciting, and in my experience, it’s not something that continues in the same capacity. Love is ever-changing, and as your relationship grows, and the two of you grow together and change as people, your love also changes. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still have feelings for that person, they just might feel different. I think love is bickering over something menial with your partner one day, and catching them in a certain light the next and thinking “I love you, you’re my person”. As long as you still love your partner, and you’re continuing to grow together and make memories, communicating and listening to one another, compromising and making the effort to make each other happy and keep things exciting, the spark will still be there and it will be stronger than ever before, it just might not feel the same. I’ve been with Alfie for 8 years now, and although there are times I miss that initial excitement of getting to know one another, I wouldn’t trade it for what we have now. Hope that helps!
Danielle
This is a tricky one as part of me thinks if you are having those worries it might be something in your gut telling you it’s not quite right and you know deep down that you don’t actually love your partner. However it could just be a bit of a fear of the commitment, perhaps this is the first person you have truly thought about being with forever and that’s really scary! Knowing you’ll never have something with anyone else is really quite daunting and could be one of the reasons you are having doubts. If you are generally a bit of a worrier then it might also be worth ignoring as if you worry about a lot of things your love life will be included in that. My relationship is very chilled, and it’s just lovely, sometimes people feel like they need to have a fiery spicy relationship for it to be considered true love but I think that just comes from things we see in movies and television. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that you should listen to how you feel when you are together, are you happy, fulfilled, loved, secure? As for me, those are the feelings I need to be with someone for the rest of my life, and I need those more than fleeting moments of ‘the spark’.
Lareese
Hi lovely, I’m so glad to hear you’ve been doing well with your ED recovery. That takes a huge amount of strength and courage so first of all, acknowledge how far you’ve come and remember that you have it in you to be kinder to yourself and to come out stronger the other side! It’s not beyond you to get a hold on this. It’s understandable that at a time like this, when everyone’s version of ‘normal’ has changed quite drastically for the foreseeable future, that you’re finding yourself seeking new ways to try and control the circumstances, namely through exercise. It’s great that you’ve recognised that you’re overdoing it and you can read the warning signs. You’re right, there seems to be a real pressure to come out of quarantine better than you went in and that narrative is such a damaging one. There’s an expectation that this is an opportunity to thrive but actually, it’s a global pandemic. If we can find a way to simply survive this, then that should be more than good enough. You were already ENOUGH in every sense of the word before isolation told you otherwise. Exercise can be a brilliant coping mechanism for stress and anxiety but your body also needs quality rest and proper recovery between workouts in order for your mind and your body to reap the benefits of physical exertion. As much as you might feel working out for as long and as hard as possible is serving you and your body, I’m sure you know that’s not the case. It’s important to listen to your body’s aches and pains. It sounds like you’re completely accepting of the fact that it’s now got to a point when your relationship with exercise is venturing into unhealthy territory and that you may need to try limiting your exercise. Have you spoken to anyone in your family about how you’re feeling, at all? If they can see how much you’re exercising they might also be concerned for your mental health and it can be something you try and manage together. That’s not to say you have to stop exercising full stop but since you know you’re overdoing it, now’s the time to quit whilst you’re ahead and recognise those little red flags. You’re able to acknowledge that the reason you’re over-exercising is because you feel an unnecessary amount of pressure to get your life together. Who’s to say you needed to change anything in the first place? Channel that negative, anxious energy into positive behaviour. Whether it’s reading, painting or practising self-care – do more of the things that make you happy and help take your mind off the urge to exercise. You’re not on your own in this, I’m sure there are so many going through the motions and leaning on exercise to get them through such anxious times, particularly as it’s one of the only things we’re allowed to do at the moment but the last thing you want is for this time in lockdown to undo all your hard work and commitment to getting better. You’re stronger than you know. Lots of love, Lareese x
Charlotte
Hi Anon,
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through a bit of a rough time at the moment- a pandemic in itself is a lot to deal, without mental illness related problems too, so I really feel for you! I’m in anorexia recovery too (woo!) so my heart really went out to you when reading this as I’ve definitely been in a similar spot myself. I think it’s a positive first step that you’ve recognised the unhealthy emphasis you’ve placed on exercise in lockdown, as so often with mental illness it’s common to gloss over those negative coping mechanisms, so I think it’s a strong sign of recovery that you’re able to recognise this!
Something I’ve learnt from years of therapy is that a lot of anorexia fuelled tendencies stem from the need for control, which would explain why you’ve placed such emphasis on exercise as a means to control your body/weight. Whilst it might not feel achievable to pick apart the underlying factors without a therapist on hand, there are some small things you can do to manage this yourself in the time it takes for lockdown to pass. One: unfollow or mute those on social media who you recognise are contributing to a feeling of needing to excessively compare yourself, or who are perpetuating an unhealthy relationship with exercising day in and day out. Two: think about the reason you started recovery in the first place and the freedom it brings to your life that you’ll want more than ever post lockdown. Whoever said (and I believe it was a certain Miss Moss) that ‘nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ has quite frankly never had a Domino’s pizza, hot donuts at the beach, a chocolatey birthday cake, gin and tonics with friends or a McDonald’s breakfast after one too many of said G&Ts the morning after. Don’t let a need for control that stems from something so wildly beyond any of our doing to allow you to take steps backwards in sustaining your recovery.
Exercise in ‘normal’ quantities can be so beneficial to feeling your strongest mentally, so I’d say don’t cut it out altogether, just be mindful of the importance you’re placing upon doing workouts and if they’re with the right end goal in mind. Perhaps find some intuitive exercise influencers to follow on Instagram and switch your workouts to those that don’t include calories, or stick to things like yoga or walking that add a sense of calm to your day, which I’m sure will be a welcome feeling more than ever!
If you’re still struggling to cut down on your exercise regime I’d recommend contacting your GP (a lot of appointments are being done over the phone so this is still possible during quarantine!) and discussing the potential for a CBT referral to help manage these thoughts. I’m sure you’ve gone through therapy in the past, so whether it’s a case of revisiting old techniques or simply having a safe space to vent, it’s at least worth a try in nipping this in the bud.
Sending lots of love and well wishes your way and I hope the rest of lockdown is a little easier on you.
Charlotte
xx
Keep sending your problems to Betweenyouandme@zoella.co.uk as we’ll be answering more next month!
