Should you care if your fella is double-tapping another girl’s Instagram photos and following private accounts? What do you do if your sig other is still living with his ex after 18 months of being together? How do you get back into dating when you’ve been cheated on in the past AND you’re dealing with chronic pain? This month’s Between You and Me contains all of the above, with a side of red flags and piping hot tea. So, pour yourself a large one and let’s talk about life and all the things it just LOVES to throw at us.

Lareese

Ah the old comparison trap, it’s horrible isn’t it! Instagram has such a unique way of making us feel crap about ourselves. I have some friends who wouldn’t bat an eyelid at their boyfriends following hot girls (or liking their posts for that matter) but I also have friends who would definitely feel like that is overstepping the mark, especially if they were double tapping a picture of their ex in a bikini, so it comes down to boundaries and every relationship is different.

I would definitely speak to him again and reiterate how it makes you feel. Ask him how he would feel if you were doing the same thing. Would he be comfortable with that? What social media boundaries does he expect from you? It’s not about being controlling or telling him what to do, rather it’s about opening up the conversation, letting him know how you feel so he can consider the bigger picture and make his own mind up on whether he’s using social media appropriately and with the right intentions. Very important. Mindlessly liking someone’s photos is different to actively trying to get someone’s attention – we all look and appreciate beautiful people but actively following private accounts on Instagram is a bit of a red flag.

You’re in a committed relationship and like you said, you trust him but after a year of spending more time apart than you’d want to, it sounds like you need some reassurance and some quality time together – a chance for him to make you feel like the only girl in the world again. His intentions matter (what is he gaining from following these accounts anyway) and your feelings matter. Good luck lovely girl, let us know how you get on xx

Darcey

I feel like this is a real hot topic! I think the problem is that everyone has such different opinions when it comes to Instagram and who you should/shouldn’t follow if you have a partner. Right of the bat, if it’s making you feel uncomfortable then it’s absolutely worth speaking to your boyfriend about it. If he makes you out to be controlling or that you are overreacting, then that’s his issue. As your boyfriend he should take on your concerns and find a healthy compromise, I’m not saying he unfollows them all as realistically you can’t control who your partner follows on social media, but I would hope knowing how insecure it makes you feel he would want to find a solution.

It seems being long-distance and covid has kept you and your boyfriend separated for a while and that can be so tough! It sends your mind in to all sorts of places, and even though you fully trust him I understand how it can make you look at yourself or your own insecurities. I really do think at the end of the day he is with you for a reason, and he wants to be with you. I know him following other girls on Instagram can feel rubbish, but in reality, they are just a random girl he doesn’t know through a screen. But I also believe that setting boundaries in relationships is really important and if you feel this is important to you, then that boundary needs to be set. Good luck and it will all be fine in the end xxx

Charlotte

Phew- so this is quite the dilemma! I think first of all you have handled this so well and sensitively given that there are children involved and so many complex factors in regards to your partner’s ex’s mental and physical health. Also as an introductory point: I don’t think you’re being unreasonable in your requests or concerns whatsoever. As someone who has dealt with some complex mental and physical health problems that my ex helped support me with, I do understand how important that individual can be in keeping you going. However, I think it’s extremely difficult to go from being in a relationship with someone and doing these things, to then ending the relationship but keeping so many of those same mechanisms in place. It seems like apart from sleeping on the sofa, the dynamic of their relationship and intertwining of their lives has stayed the same which as you said is not conducive to your relationship moving forwards.

He can still be present in her life and support her and his child without needing to be so involved in my opinion, and the excuses of his child not liking his flat etc don’t really sit right with me because ultimately she will have to get used to it at some point if they’re ever going to successfully separate. I know the weight loss surgery will be extremely difficult for her, but again this really shouldn’t be something he needs to be so personally involved with. He could write her a diet plan and give advice on nutrition without needing to be present at all times, and he could advise her on workouts without needing to hold her hand throughout. It might sound harsh but I think there’s a level of codependency there with her and I’m worried it’s going to be quite difficult to undo. You’re probably (hopefully) nodding along to these points as I know they’re all issues you’ve raised, but I did just want to really reaffirm that your feelings are valid and from an outside perspective it seems just as messy as it must feel.

Ultimately, I think he needs a bit of a reality check. It’s not enough to just laugh something like this off because it’s your future at stake and I don’t think he’s taking it seriously. I think for this to work long term you need some tangible changes to take place and a conversation needs to be had with him in which you can lay those out onto the table and be reassured and communicated with maturely. You’ve been together for a considerable amount of time and perhaps because things haven’t changed yet he doesn’t feel any urgency to do so, but I don’t think there’s any harm in putting the pressure on a bit and setting out what NEEDS to happen as a matter of urgency. You matter, you should feel like a priority and you deserve actions that demonstrate this. It won’t be easy to cut things off if changes don’t materialise, but ask yourself if you’d be comfortable with this dynamic going on and on and on. Give him a chance, but be prepared that ultimately your happiness is most important and there will be relationships that don’t have this much baggage.

Good luck!

xxx

Danielle

Wow this is a complicated issue, massive props to you for staying so mature through your relationship and keeping a level head. I think Charlotte has addressed this sensitively and given you lots of food for thought. I guess I just want you to know that you deserve better than how you are being treated, it’s not some magical fairy tale to have a partner that loves you as much as you love them, and can see a future with you and work towards it. I know things are far more complicated than that in real life and children complicate things even further, but it kind of seems like this guy is just having his cake and eating it too. Doing whatever is the easiest thing for him to be doing. I think it’s baffling he has a flat and doesn’t live in it? If he’s always lived with his ex at what point did he get the flat? You say you might be worried you’re the other woman? Surely after 18 months you should have met the ex and established that you are in fact not the OTHER woman but THE woman? I personally think he’s a walking red flag, you deserve someone who gets excited about having Christmas together, someone to be there for you and your daughter, someone who doesn’t cause you this much turmoil. Sit him down and lay some serious ultimatums on the table about what you need from the relationship, this isn’t usually good advice but I think if he can’t even commit to moving out of his exes house after 2 years of being together (give him a few months to get it done) then you might as well call it quits. Good luck, and keep your head high xx

Charlotte

Hellooo! First things first, I honestly could have written this dilemma myself as the past year or so has been rife with chronic pain and relationship problems so I really do feel your pain (literally). Dating and opening up to someone new can be so challenging ordinarily, let alone when adding in this extra element of trust and vulnerability so first I think it’s important to acknowledge that your feelings are valid and your brain is just trying to keep you safe.

Ultimately, and as hard as this is to accept, I think so much of it comes down to trusting the process. Yes, for some people this will be too much to handle, but it will become clear that they are not the right person. In my last relationship I felt super alone with my pain and health conditions, and I remember seeing a TikTok of a guy researching his girlfriend’s health issues and going above and beyond to support her. It made me realise that there will always be people willing to do this for you and that are capable of providing this extra loving care when your health isn’t doing well. It might mean you have to kiss a few more frogs to find Mr Right, but I guess I just want to reassure you that what you’re looking for is totally possible and you deserve nothing less than this. Don’t settle, because it will only make your health and anxiety worse in the long run and I’m so glad you’ve been able to reach a place of self love and understanding that you deserve love, respect and patience from a partner when you’re struggling.

It can be really easy to project past experiences onto future scenarios that haven’t even happened yet, so I’d suggest being careful of going into a date immediately trying to spot signs that they might be similar to your ex and ultimately be disloyal because until someone gives you a reason to doubt them, really try not to. I know it feels impossible not to self preserve at all costs, but closing yourself off or rejecting guys at the first indication of them not fully understanding you might close doors that don’t need to be slammed shut. I would say go into this process with optimism instead of pessimism if you can, and know that what’s for you won’t pass you by.

All the luck and love in the world!
xxx

Danielle

Hello love, thank you so much for writing in, I’m so sorry to hear about your chronic pain, I can only imagine how much it affects every facet of your life especially your relationships. I think it’s fantastic you ended your message with the fact that you know your worth and you’ve learned to love yourself, as knowing how to be happy on your own is honestly worth everything in the world. I think you’re in a tough situation with a lot of battles up ahead, like knowing when to tell people about your chronic pain, people letting you down when they understand what comes with chronic pain and obviously the pain itself. I think it’s a big strain on your mental health going through something like this long term and if you’re not already I’d consider getting a therapist, someone to help you frame your life as most people you know like myself will not have gone through what you’re going through and will find it hard to ever truly understand. When it comes to dating the same advice I’d give to anyone is to trust the timing of it all, if you feel like blasting the apps for a bit do that, concentrate on your hobbies and work and things you enjoy and someone will come into your life, I don’t think you have to “put yourself out there” in uncomfortable situations to find a partner. In terms of trusting them you have no reason not to, Charlotte hit the nail on the head by urging you not to project past experiences on to future scenarios. That’s really all you can do and try and keep the negative anxious thoughts at bay because they’re serving you no purpose. It’s obviously easier said than done and your email was packed full “what if’s” every one of them being something terrible. What if you meet the guy of your dreams who wants to be there with you through thick and thin? What if it all goes right? Try and get more of that positive energy in your life and I think the universe will be kind to you <3 Wishing you all the best xx

Darcey

Hey anon! This is a real tricky situation you’ve found yourself in and I really do emphasise with you as I can’t image sharing a house with someone I cared really deeply for but couldn’t be with. This all sounds like a bit of a hot mess if I’m honest and that is incredibly hard on you. I think realistically you only really have two options; you tell him how you feel, or you ride out the rest of this house share, find somewhere new to live and move on with your life. Because you cannot continue being in this limbo, it’s not fair on you and it’s also not fair on his girlfriend.

I think if you feel the conversation is flirty, it definitely is flirty, which must be so confusing for you! It’s also confusing because from your question it seems he confides in you about his relationship and that she doesn’t always treat him great. This complicates things even more because it just seems like you are too heavily involved, because you also like him. I also think having sleepovers is going down the wrong path, it’s not good for you when you love him as it plays with your emotions, it’s also not really fair on his girlfriend (no matter how bad she is).

This is why I think it’s either you go full disclosure and tell him everything that you are feeling, although this could make living situations awkward if you don’t get the response you want. Maybe something you do when you are near to moving out? But if you are more in the minds of getting over this and moving on with your life, I think get out of that house asap and get some distance from him. This doesn’t mean you won’t be friends still, but I think you need this distance to get over him, you’ll never get over him while being his best friend still.

I really hope you can find some sort of solution to this and I really hope my advice has helped in some way, do what feels right for you and go with your heart not your head. Things will work themselves out in the end xxx

Holly

Hello lovely person,

When I say I could have written this letter, I am not joking. I had pretty much the exact same situation when I was at Uni. To the point where I text the person in question to ask if they were playing a trick on me – Spoiler Alert, we’re still friends.

I was you in this situation. When I met said person it was first-year uni, he had a girlfriend and we decided to live together before feelings started to develop. He was my best friend in the world and you probably don’t want to hear this but within a year, we wouldn’t even look at each other. It stayed like that for a good few years unfortunately.

It’s so hard to give advice. On one hand, I’m like park it where you are, otherwise, you’ll lose him and potentially other people along the way. But on the other hand, everything worked out well for me. It took a while but the guy I was kind of with/not with is my friend again now, he’s in a happy relationship and I’m even friends with his new partner!

I will say try your best to keep other people out of it. So many of our mutual friends felt like they had to choose sides and we both ended up losing people. Not necessarily a bad thing, but best to keep it as is between just you two for the time being.

The main thing I would say to you is, Uni is potentially the best years of your life. Please don’t waste that lusting over someone that doesn’t want you right now and harsh as it is, might never want you. Go out and have all the fun with your friends and just live in the moment. If things change with his girlfriend you can revisit, but for now, just focus on yourself.

Although probably unhelpful right now, just believe that everything happens for a reason. And that it all works out fine in the end.

Sending you so much love in an understandably difficult time. I promise one day you’ll look back with fond memories over someone you loved that taught you important life lessons.

Love Holly xx

Whilst our monthly bleed can be a magical reminder of our body’s power and innate ability to grow and support us like clockwork, it can also be bloody painful, period. Whether you experience periods regularly or not, the pain and symptoms that come with this time of the month can still take us by surprise as we cradle a hot water bottle and cry our way through a Domino’s. It might feel a little stereotypical but there really is nothing a hot bath and pizza can’t fix.

Transforming your home environment into a sanctuary of calm is a surprisingly easy step you can take to tackle your time of the month and can help you dread this period (literally) less. Whether it be with an essential oil diffuser, lavender sleep sprays or using a giant, wearable hot water bottle (yes it really is as good as it sounds), treating yourself with a little extra loving care when you’re in pain is basic yet often undervalued self care.

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First off, how are you and how is your 2021 going?

Oh gosh, thank you for asking! I can’t complain. I’ve finally gotten the hang of Zoom and spend a lot of time bopping between group chats and writing and hanging out with my family, so I’ve been keeping busy. I also have a new pandemic ritual of drinking a decaf coconut tea and eating chocolate mug cake after dinner every night, which certainly improves one’s general state of being.

We’re super excited to be reading ‘You Have a Match’ for our March Zoella Book Club pick. Can you take us through the process of writing it?

I’m so excited you’re reading it!! It was a fun and unexpected process — I was working as a viral news editor at the time and saw so many stories about people finding half-siblings through DNA tests that I thought to myself, Wow, how strange would it be if you found a full-blooded sibling you didn’t know about? I hadn’t even sold my first book yet, so I tucked the idea away for probably a year before I showed it to my editor. After that I hit the ground running on plotting and writing it about two years ago, getting up super early in the morning and carving out time on weekends (I work as a digital media editor during the day). It was especially fun to write a book set in the Pacific Northwest, because I spent about half my childhood there, so it felt like a fun little fist-bump to my baby self!

What advice would you give to someone who wants to write YA fiction?

Oooh. A ton, but mostly just to write what makes you happy. I’ve often found that the things that make you happiest to write are the things people are going to want to read. You can really see the passion authors have for their work in any kind of YA, whether it’s a romance or a thriller or a family-focused book, and their love for it is often what takes it the extra mile and makes it all the more memorable.

Can you tell us about some of your other work and writing projects?

Yes yes! My debut novel, Tweet Cute, is about two classmates — overachieving Pepper, whose parents own a fast-food chain, and class clown Jack, whose family owns a beloved New York City deli — who end up in a Twitter feud over a stolen grilled cheese recipe without realizing they’re at war with each other. Shenanigans ensue, and there is a TON of dessert involved.

My next book will be about a loudmouthed Broadway hopeful named Millie who has to compete with her rival to land an internship to help her figure out which one of three potential women is the mom who left her with her dad at birth — it’s basically what happens when you squish ABBA and Broadway into a confetti cannon and set it loose. I’m super excited for it to come out.

What is the most satisfying part of writing a novel?

Almost certainly whenever someone says the names of my characters back to me. It never gets old. It’s so strange that a person you conceived of in your head can then exist in another person’s head, that they can have an understanding of them the same way you do. I think it means so much to me just because I’ve been writing fanfiction my whole life and considering other people’s characters, so it’s bewildering and super cool to think that anyone would think about mine.

What are some of your favourite recent reads?

Amelia Unabridged by Ashley Schumacher, Counting Down With You by Tashie Bhuiyan, and Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas were all books I TORE through recently.

How do you make time to both work and write for a living?

The funny thing is, because I’ve just always been writing, it doesn’t feel all that hard to make time. There are some weeks where I may have deadlines (usually self-imposed; I’ve been lucky to work with a team that gives me plenty of time to write!) that I’m more stressed than others. But I’ve been writing fanfiction since I was a little kid and my own fiction since I was a teenager; aside from running and singing, it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do in my spare time, so the time I spend writing in my off-hours after work is just time I would have spent writing for free anyway. As for my actual job — I’m very lucky to be doing something I love (I work as a Shopping Editor for BuzzFeed) and something that feels very different from fiction writing, so I can easily switch between the two without ever feeling burnt out.

Fiction writing is slower and what I do during the day is much more fast-paced, which appeals to two different parts of me and is really just like *chef’s kiss* in terms of balance. I also just love the heck out of my coworkers — when I’m writing, my only coworker is my Baby Yoda plushie, and while he’s cute, he’s not particularly chatty during the day!

What are you currently working on?

My fourth book, which is my first young adult book that will be set in ~college~ — I’m so jazzed about it, it’s been a really fun opportunity to look back on what was a really fun and turbulent and defining time in my own life. I also have a ton of other ideas in the pipeline and have no idea what’ll happen with them yet, but I love to kick them around in my spare time since it’s my brain’s favorite thing to do.

Who are some of your favourite follows online?

Um, every bakery in New York. The Sprinkles Cupcakes, Ole & Steen, Magnolia Bakery, Chip City, Butterfield Market, Orwasher’s, Supermoon Bakehouse, Shortbread Society, Baked By Melissa, and Red Gate Bakery accounts are some forever faves. I also follow a lot of aesthetically pleasing businesses like My Oh My Supply Co (millennial lifestyle brand FULL of fun Disney-esque apparel) and Happenstance Candles (Taylor Swift-themed candles!) and Surprisingly Baked (cookies that take it to the next LEVEL) and Ideal Bookshelf (beautifully illustrated bookwares). Basically, if it’s cute or I can eat it, I WILL FOLLOW.

What does your perfect weekend look like?

Oooh. On Saturday I get up early and go for a loooong, long run around Central Park — I like to clock in between eight and ten miles. Then I’ll come home and make myself a very delicious brunch while watching something on the computer. For a few hours I’ll write or plot, and then I’ll venture out to whichever bakery has the dessert I’m most excited about that week (I have a lil’ ritual where I check the Instagrams of all my favourite places on Friday night and decide in advance). I’ll call my mom or one of my sisters and chat on my walk over. I’ll read in the park for a little while and wander back to my apartment for a glass of wine and sushi, and will intermittently watch a movie and write for the rest of the night. Sunday I’ll go for a shorter run just to wake myself up before going to a community theatre rehearsal — there’s a group called AfterWork Theater in New York I’m part of, and I can’t wait for us to start back up again once it’s safe. We’ll usually be there for a few hours to dance and sing our heads off, and then in the afternoon, we’ll get drinks and apps nearby, then spiral off to the subway to go home. I’ll set my life out for the coming weekday, probably eat a big ole mug cake, and go to bed early, because I am a millennial grandma.

What do you always carry with you?

My AirPods, but more specifically, the Goldfish cracker bag-shaped silicone case I put on them. The snack that smiles back!!

What would your last ever meal be?

Thank you for asking this, because I think about it a LOT. It would be a crusty sourdough roll cut in half and toasted with a bunch of butter and Jarlsberg cheese, two sunny side up eggs that are slightly burnt on the bottom, a side of mustard, some kind of fruit-flavoured yoghurt with granola, English Breakfast tea with sugar and half ‘n half, and some kind of chocolate dessert (I love Oreos and any kind of caramel or peanut-buttery chocolate bar). To be clear, this is the precise brunch that I eat after my long runs on Saturdays, and I will never not love it to pieces.

What is one positive piece of advice you could give to our audience?

I’ll steal it from my mom: “Run your own race.” It’s always going to be easy to try and hold other people’s lives up to yours as a measuring stick, particularly if they have something you want. But worrying about what other people have in life isn’t going to help you change anything about your own; sometimes you just have to keep your eyes on your own paper, work toward your goals in your own way, and trust the process. Better to achieve something your own way than to get it faster by trying to copy someone else, and never fully feeling like it’s your own.

If there’s one thing TikTok has influenced us in (besides whipped coffee and feta pasta) it’s finding, supporting and lusting after the plethora of indie brands that are absolutely killing it, both old and new in the small biz game. Lockdown has seen a huge uplift in cool and creative hobbies becoming businesses, and with IRL shopping off the cards it has opened up a world of opportunity to shop small.

During the week of International Women’s Day 2021, we’re celebrating and sharing our favourite female-run businesses that make our Instagram feeds a better place and inspire gift giving for both pals and ourselves (mainly the latter) a joyous evening activity. From baking to books, candles to ceramics and flowers to face masks, this week’s team edit will have you sucked into an impromptu haul in seconds (sorry bank balance).

Lareese

I love how Instagram, particularly throughout lockdown, has provided an opportunity for so many female business owners to pursue their dreams and do something they love.

Me & My Bloomers was one such gem I discovered via social media – their lavender-filled linen scrunchies and flower pressed artworks are dreamy.

I’ve been a fan of Find candles for a while now – they’re a wonderful family-owned Business near Brighton and they smell incredible.

Butter Up is my sister’s baking business she set up in lockdown and I’m endlessly proud of her! Plus, it means I get to taste test upcoming recipes haha.

Pepper Loves Candles is another 10/10 Instagram discovery – I will forever need her wordy wicks telling me I have a nice bum.

Waiste Vintage is a carefully curated collection of premium vintage wear in Brighton, headed up by the glorious and effortlessly cool Sara Waiste.

Charlotte

Ahh small businesses! There’s such joy in supporting someone’s dream and I find Instagram and TikTok to be such wholesome places in finding businesses that are so aligned with my tastes. Harry Styles designs and products in particular are absolutely popping OFF online right now and The Sunday Dream and Cait Mo Studio are my absolute faves for this- my gallery wall is looking stunning with Cait’s prints! I don’t often buy jewellery for myself but I’ve followed Manchester brand July Child for years and was lucky enough to receive some earrings from a pal for Christmas from the brand which really cemented my love for it. They have so many fun and unique designs and it feels very Gucci-esque in my eyes!

Finally, The Vegan Bakes– OMG BEST SWEET TREATS EVER. I honestly powered through the biscuit brownie trio in a matter of days and still dream about it months later. That Oreo one. MMMM.

Darcey

I think more than ever we should all be trying to support small businesses where we can, and I hope this continues moving forward too. I find the experience of buying small is always way more personal too which I love, with beautiful packaging and little notes etc!

I have recently started to learn more about crystals and I love the crystal bracelets from Luna Loves Shop, they are customisable too! Kalon Candle Co are one of my faves too, absolutely adore the inclusivity of the female form candles. Flourish Sussex sell the most beautiful wreath kits, I purchased one back at Christmas and the experience was so enjoyable and I came out of it with a pretty professional looking wreath. Made by Dhaina is my amazingly talented friend who creates the coolest wall prints perfect for any gallery wall! Another wall art gem is Stef Maden, I recently purchased a print from her through Etsy and I absolutely love it!

Holly

One of the good things to come out of lockdown was the incredible small businesses. Some started up in lockdown and some I just managed to find through literal hours of scrolling.

Foxy Lemon have the best range of cards I’ve ever seen, mainly because of their Gavin and Stacey range and I’ve decided to exclusively speak in Gavin and Stacey quotes from here on out

Maya and Lou face masks were created during lockdown by 2 nurses, specifically designed for people that wear masks for a prolonged amount of time, and who suffer from bad skin as a result of this. They’re so comfy, look nice and they go under usual PPE so pretty much an all-round winner.

Jenni Sparks artwork is among my favourites, they use bright colours and a lot of the prints can be personalised. I have multiple around my flat!

Salt Studios started sharing more of their process through lockdown and I became obsessed! They also run workshops where you can make your own pots etc which is really cool!

Zoe

Small businesses are such a joy to buy from and support where you can & these are a few of my current favourite ones!
I’ve got a real mixture of food, homewares & a gorgeous baby clothing brand I stumbled upon recently!

Dees Basement creates the most beautiful & delicious madeleines you’ve ever seen or tasted! Making the perfect little treat for you or to send to someone else as a little gift!

Stylish eats is a local business that Alfie & I have used for years! Katie makes the most delicious and well thought out graze boards which we order at any given chance!

I discovered Heather Evelyn Candles on Instagram at Christmas time and placed a big order of her wonderful candles! It’s nice when you discover something a bit different!

Elizabeth Rachael worked with us on the Etsy x zoella collaboration and her designs and products are so fun and vibrant!!

Megan Louise Ceramics is also someone we worked with on the Etsy collaboration and her mugs are my go to! Such incredible quality and look pretty too!

Claude and Co do such lovely quality baby and children clothing! Alfie and I recently ordered our babies first garment from here and plan on buying more!

Danielle

I think most of the small businesses I follow are female-owned, I guess the kinds of items I’m after very clearly have a female touch. They really care about the experience and they’re all packaged beautifully. I hate buying prints from websites that everyone goes to and much prefer to spend a bit more on an artist’s work. Eleanor Bowmer and Hand and Palm are perfect places to grab art for your home. I became obsessed with these beaut cakes from @Aprilsbakerlondon I NEED them to start delivering to Brighton! The Skin Library kindly gifted us some Korean skincare products and I have to say I’m completely converted, check them out! Azurina is my go-to for personalised gifts AND they currently have an initiative going where they’re investing £10K in a female-owned small business, find out more here!

Who run the world? GIRLS. If it wasn’t already obvious, we’re pretty into celebrating, uplifting and championing women in all that we do, so it probably comes as no surprise that we’re head over heels for the female form interiors trend that has taken Pinterest by storm in the past 12 months. From peachy booty vases and ceramics to abstract line silhouettes, you can say goodbye to bare walls and lacklustre shelves as these celebrations of the female body add a fun and flirty twist to any space.

Alexa: play Girls by The 1975.

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Hankering for an empowering, educational and inspiring read? You’ve come to the right place.

In this blog post, we’re celebrating women and their wise words, sisters and their stories, females and their fierce bodies of work. From essayists past and present and breakout names to literary powerhouses and contemporary greats, these are the books that have advocated for the lives and truths of women and challenged the way we think about gender.

1 Feminists Don’t Wear Pink (and other lies) – Scarlett Curtis

What exactly does the F word mean? This curation of funny, powerful and personal essays by a plethora of diverse contemporary female voices and celebrities explores everything from misogyny and masturbation to period tax and motherhood. Purchase the book via Bookshop.org here.

2. A Room of One’s Own – Virginia Woolf

First published in 1929, Woolf’s essay on women’s struggle for independence was a call to arms and a seminal feminist text. Her thesis is simply that in order for women to write, they have must have money and a room of their own. That is – the freedom and the space to fulfil their true potential. We don’t ask for much. Purchase the book via Bookshop.org here.

3. Dear Ijeawele – Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

From the best-selling author of We Should All Be Feminists and Americanah, Dear Ijeawele gets right to the heart of 21st century sexual politics. Adichie’s childhood friend and new mum Ijeawele wrote to ask how she should raise her baby daughter to be a feminist and this 15-piece manifesto is her funny, perceptive and utterly galvanising response. Leave it to Adichie to make her mark in 60 pages and under. Purchase the book via Bookshop.org here.

4. Slay In Your Lane: The Black Girl Bible – Yomi Adegoke and Elizabeth Uviebinene

Featuring interviews with Susan Wokoma, Lady Leshurr and Denise Lewis, Slay In Your Lane is a true insight into what it’s like to be a black girl today and a powerful toolkit to help black women everywhere take control of their lives. It will inspire, uplift and resonate with many. Purchase the book via Bookshop.org here.

5. Girl, Woman, Other – Bernardine Evaristo

Evaristo’s Booker Prize-winning novel follows the interconnected stories and struggles of 12 black female and non-binary characters, diverse in age, background and lived experiences. Brimming with humanity, Evaristo’s nuanced and achingly relevant novel flows like a lovesong to black womanhood and quite frankly deserves ALL the awards. Purchase the book via Bookshop.org here.

6. Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions – Gloria Steinem

A collection of timeless essays from the trailblazing feminist Gloria Steinem, ranging from the hilarious satire “If Men Could Menstruate’ to the moving tribute to her mother “Ruth’s Song”, and the famous exposé “I Was A Playboy Bunny”. Purchase the book via Amazon here.

7. The Beauty Myth: How Images of Beauty are Used Against Women – Naomi Wolf

If you’ve ever stood in the mirror, poked at your hips and wished for a smaller, thinner, more symmetrical version of yourself that doesn’t exist, Wolf’s words will strike a chord. Her iconic critique of the oppressive function of beauty standards through the ages is a clarion call to freedom from the shackles of pretty-pressure. Purchase the book via Bookshop.org here.

8. The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath

Sylvia Plath’s legendary novel closely parallels her own life and experience with depression. It centres around Esther Greenwood, a young promising writer interning at a fashion magazine in New York who should be having the time of her life, only she’s not because she’s stifled by a misogynistic society and spiralling into mental illness. The fig tree quote will make you feel every type of emotion. Purchase the book via Bookshop.org here.

9. A Vindication of The Rights of Women – Mary Wollstonecraft

Dubbed one of the mothers of feminist theory, Mary Wollstonecraft’s seminal text challenged the notion that women only exist to please men and called for women and men to be given equal opportunities in education, work and politics. Purchase the book via Bookshop.org here.

10. Gender Outlaw – Kate Bornstein

“I know I’m not a man . . . and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m probably not a woman, either. . . . . The trouble is, we’re living in a world that insists we be one or the other.”

First published in 1994, Bornstein’s fearless and prescient text dismantles gender binary, unpicks our notions of male and female and questions why society defends the binary system so vehemently. In the foreword, Bornstein caveats their work by acknowledging that the way we speak about gender is always in flux and the language used in this edition will no doubt fall short, even in its revised 2006 version. That said, Gender Outlaw invites us all to consider what kind of world we live in. Purchase the book via Bookshop.org here.

11. Bad Feminist – Roxane Gay

Ever felt like you’re a sh*tty feminist? A flawed woman with a penchant for Vogue magazines, misogynist songs and all the pink? From Fifty Shades of Grey to Chris Brown, Bad Feminist is a razor-sharp, witty and insightful look at the glossy myths and contradictions inherent not only in the feminism movement but within the human condition. Purchase the book via Bookshop.org here.

12. The Power – Naomi Alderman

In this speculative fiction/dystopian feminist fantasy, Naomi Alderman asks what if the matriarchy had all the power? It’s a woman’s world now and they can kill with the touch of a finger… Purchase the book via Bookshop.org here.

13. The Periodic Table of Feminism – Maria Bate

The Periodic Table of Feminism is an empowering look at the feminist movement through the international figures who have shaped it. Purchase the book via Bookshop.org here.

First off, how are you and how is your 2021 going? 

Thank you for asking, you know, 2021 has been far more hopeful for me (and for everyone I think!) and I’m feeling more focused. 

Can you tell us about your career online and how it has evolved?

The origins of Bambi Does Beauty started way back during University (I created a print fashion magazine titled Bambi as my dissertation piece). As I got older, my interest in beauty was more heightened than ever, and that’s when Bambi Does Beauty was born. Originally it was Youtube and blog posts, then Instagram became my outlet. First, there were shelfies and the occasional selfie, now I’ve turned the brand into something more (I hope!) – skincare information and guidance for my audience, alongside an insight into my mental health journey with my posts #BambiDoesLife with a big old dose of aesthetic thrown in for good measure!

We love your IG bio ‘A less is more approach to beauty’ – what can people expect from your content online?

Thank you! My content has definitely diversified, originally it was just pretty pictures, now I want to educate, guide and relate to the people who choose to follow me. My story highlights are where you’d find most of my educational skincare content, tips and tricks and “Skinfo”. Then there’s #BambiDoesLife, possibly my most exposing content series to date. I feel so happy to be able to share who I really am, what I’ve felt and have a bit more of a laugh, and for it to have been received so well! 

We know skincare is just important if not more important than makeup, what are some of your top tips for glowing skin?

Hydrate hydrate hydrate! Not just plonking on a heavy moisturiser but actually layering different textures to get a long lasting dew. I’m also a fan of chemical exfoliation, it can be a real pick me up for skin that’s looking dull and tired. 

People often neglect the skin on their bodies, what are some of your most-used body brands?

This is so true! Up until a few years ago that was me too. I have a memory of someone commenting on how scaly my legs were and that’s just stuck with me! So now I’m really dedicated to my body care routine, and my legs are dolphin soft now haha. I love an exfoliating body cream – it does all the hard work for you without needing to scrub. I adore the Gallinee Body Milk, Dr Dennis Gross Body Peel Pads, Amanda Harrington Glycolic Body Scrub, and you can’t go wrong with a big tub of CeraVe moisturising cream!

Can you tell us about some of the features you host on your IG?

I’m loving hosting my latest feature, Skinfo. It’s basically a Q&A format where my followers enter their skincare questions, and you’ll not be surprised to hear that most people have the exact same concerns! I love that this is just there on my highlights for everyone to refer or just to have a nosey. I’m also really enjoying putting together Guides, (Instagram’s newest feature) where I collate my Top Ten products from each skincare category at different price points, I update this when a new fave comes in too! 

We love your Glamour column! How do you find inspiration for topics?

Thank you! It often just pops into my head! I can be lying in bed and be like “Aaaah that’s it!” and once I have a concept I’m ready to write. I don’t tend to plan them out, I like to write freely and from personal experience. 

What are you currently working on?

A few things will be changing for me in the next few months and I’m really excited for the next chapter! I’m working on building longer-term relationships with brands, and continuing to build an informative platform that encompasses humour and reality. In the hope it will help or perhaps inspire my audience (particularly my younger audience) to have confidence in themselves. 

Who are some of your favourite beauty follows online? 

I adore me some LC, that’s @laucapon on Instagram! Everything she puts out brings me joy, and it’s not often you can say that about a person online. I’m also really enjoying Dr Soma, @dr.somaskin, she shares such informative skincare knowledge but makes it accessible and quite visual too. Lastly, I love Peony, @peonylim, she has such a kind and humble presence, and for someone so beautiful who shares such luxurious content, I think that’s very rare and special.

What does your perfect weekend look like? 

Ooooh, I’ve lost sight of weekends! It would probably be either a trip to a Cotswolds spa with my Mum, eating scones and getting massages. I also love visiting where I grew up down South, my Dad and I are planning a visit this Summer and I can’t wait for all the nostalgia!

What do you always carry with you? 

It used to be my phone but I’ve started banning myself from it when I go to bed until I’m up the next day. So at the moment, I’d say my Milk Makeup Lip Mask (it’s the best product I’ve ever used on my lips!).

What would your last ever meal be? 

Literally, this is something I think about a lot haha. At the moment it would be my mum’s homemade vodka pasta, followed by a box of Krispy Kremes. Lol.

What is one positive piece of advice you could give to our audience? 

Do you, it’ll pay off in the end. 

There’s something about black and white dressing that exudes cool, chic and confident, and if there’s any way of channeling those moods more often then you best believe we’re all over it. Wardrobe staples like the ‘little black dress’ or classic white shirt are always high on a stylist’s list of essentials, and for those that might feel intimidated by colour or are yet to nail their personal style, you can’t go far wrong with these neutral shades.

And who says black = boring?! The likes of Cara Delevingne, Hailey Bieber, Kendall Jenner and Lana Del Rey are some of the sleekest, sexiest ladies around, are if we’re taking style notes from anyone it will absolutely be them.

Monochrome dressing is also great for switching your lookup with accessories too, giving you the freedom to go wild with trend-led bags, shoes and jewellery safe in the knowledge that the basics of your outfit are built on solid foundations. Add a spritz of your fave scent and bon voyage friends, you’re well on your way to snatching the award for most stylishly dressed at the Voddy Revs on 21st June.

Zoe

I love a good monochrome outfit so this was very up my street! I love this roll neck white dress and I feel like this is perfect for this time of year as the sun starts poking his head out but it’s not quite spring linen weather yet. I’d pair it with a leather jacket, some chunky black boots and my &otherstories bag that I basically wear with every outfit!

Misguided, White Knitted Roll Neck Midaxi Dress

Zara, Flat Ankle Boots

All Saints, Black Leather Jacket

& Other Stories, Black Cross Body Bag

Lareese

I’m manifesting a date night that doesn’t involve slippers and beige lap dinners at this point. I can’t wait to attempt to stagger home with a belly full of espresso martinis and bar nibbles again, and I think this monochrome outfit will ease me back into the swing of things nicely. I love the Cinta The Label Rosie cardi! I’d team it with wide jeans, a pair of mules and an oversized black trench. If I can remember how to get dressed that is…

Cinta, The Rosie Cardigan

H&M, Wide Leg Jeans

H&M, Black Mules

COS, Oversized Trench Coat

Danielle

Monochrome is very much in my wheelhouse ESPECIALLY black and white as that’s pretty much all I wear and it took me a good 25 years to realise I’m absolutely fine with that. This is a classic jeans and a nice top outfit I’ll be wearing in April when the sun is shining and meeting friends outside. I based it around the earrings as they’re beautiful, and topped it off with this gorj Chloe bag that I have no hope of buying but hey, that’s why we call it weekly wants not weekly gets.

H&M, Drop Earrings

H&M, Ultra Loose-Fit Mom Jeans

H&M, Flounce Detail Blouse

Chloe, Small Woody Tote Bag

Charlotte

I’m not going to lie I’m normally more of a colourful kinda gal, but there is something about a monochrome outfit which feels very Cool Girl which is always nice to fake haha. I’ve wanted some knee-high boots foreverrrr (mainly inspired by Ariana Grande) and these white ones are so fun and 70s. I’ve seen these fluffy collared cardigans everywhereeee on TikTok and this black one is super cute and can literally be chucked on with any bottoms.

Topshop, Cardigan with Fur Collar

NA-KD, Faux Leather Mini Skirt

Public Desire, White Knee-High Boots

ASOS, Super Rouched Handbag

 

Holly

I love monochrome dressing. This is definitely a trend I’m already on board with. Takes literally no effort and you can still look super smart. I tend to go for monochrome if I’m heading out straight after work, in normal life. I’ll opt for some high waisted black jeans, a white t-shirt and then just accessorise the shit out of it. I can see myself now, standing at a bar, ordering a Long Island Iced Tea.

ASOS, White Racer Body Vest

ASOS Curve, Slouchy Mom Jeans

M&S, Black Block Heel Ankle Boots

Accessorize, Gold Chain

H&M, Oversized Leather Jacket

H&M, Gold Rings

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With International Women’s Day just around the corner, it seems fitting that our latest book club title comes from a female force to be reckoned with.

Glennon Doyle is an author, activist, speaker, mother and most recently, a woman who reclaimed her wild. In her third self-help memoir, Untamed, Glennon explores the power and peace we discover when we follow our instincts and start living a free, authentic life.

It’s already been endorsed by Oprah, Reese Witherspoon’s a fan and Adele said it was the book that changed her life, so something tells us we’re going to be roaring all over the place when we’re done here.

Keep scrolling to read the team’s reviews! But first, a reminder of the blurb:

Who were you before the world told you who to be?

Part inspiration, part memoir, Untamed explores the joy and peace we discover when we stop striving to meet the expectations of the world, and instead dare to listen to and trust in the voice deep inside us. From the beloved New York Times bestselling author, speaker and activist Glennon Doyle.

For many years, Glennon Doyle denied her discontent. Then, while speaking at a conference, she looked at a woman across the room and fell instantly in love. Three words flooded her mind: There. She. Is. At first, Glennon assumed these words came to her from on high but soon she realised they had come to her from within. This was the voice she had buried beneath decades of numbing addictions and social conditioning. Glennon decided to let go of the world’s expectations of her and reclaim her true untamed self.

Soulful and uproarious, forceful and tender, Untamed is both an intimate memoir and a galvanising wake-up call. It is the story of how one woman learned that a responsible mother is not one who slowly dies for her children, but one who shows them how to fully live. It is also the story of how each of us can begin to trust ourselves enough to set boundaries, make peace with our bodies, honour our anger and heartbreak, and unleash our truest, wildest instincts.

Lareese

Admittedly, non-fiction is not in my wheelhouse but Glennon Doyle’s memoir ‘Untamed is definitely the kind of no-nonsense guide to self-discovery everyone should read once. It unpicks everything we’re taught to believe is the right way to live as women and as mothers, and it shows us another – wilder – way to live. In 2021, abandoning other people’s expectations in favour of our truest, most authentic self should be a given but Doyle’s memoir is our literary kick up the butt to stop pleasing and start living. I wasn’t a huge fan of the short entries and vignettes as it felt a little like mammoth subjects didn’t always get the page-time they needed nor deserved but I can see why the structure needed to be as untamed as the very story it held. It’s a beautifully human, intimate and empowering read that’ll feed the fire in your belly from the very first metaphor.

Rating: 3/5
Would you recommend it? It’s worth a read!

Holly

I know they say don’t judge a book by it’s cover but this just isn’t one I’d ever reach for. I’m not a huge fan of non-fiction and find them quite hard to read. The main theme of the book is motherhood, and how motherhood saved Glennon Doyle. But I am not a mother, nor do I plan on being any time soon. So a lot of it felt a bit irrelevant to me. It did have some more relevant sub-themes, like learning not to care what other people think of you. But I’m not someone that particularly cares about that anyway. Any book that includes the representation of different families and the LGBTQIA+ community is always a winner for me.
I’d like to read this again when I have a daughter, who’s maybe around 5 years old and be interesting to see if it makes more of a profound effect on me then.

Rating: 3/5
Would you recommend it? To certain people

Charlotte

I’m not normally a non-fiction lover so I wasn’t sure what to expect when reading Untamed but I was so pleasantly surprised! I’d heard from friends and on a couple of podcasts, I listen to that this was a must-read and I totally get the hype. I’m going through a bit of a self-love/discovery journey and this book gave me so much food for thought in this sense. The permission to feel all the feels was so needed right now in a world in which we’re encouraged to carry on through unsettling times and Untamed acted as a real tonic in moments of self-doubt or worry. I must admit I had a couple of eye-roll moments at some of the anecdotes shared but overall I think I gained a lot from reading this book!

Rating: 4/5
Would recommend it? To the right person, yes!

Danielle

I’ll preface my review by saying I don’t read a lot of non-fiction books, I just love stories being told and that’s exactly what Glennon Doyle does. We get to learn about her experience whilst applying it to our personal lives. I think it’s incredibly eye-opening however it didn’t always feel that cohesive and the end got quite repetitive towards the end. I always find it hard to write a review for a memoir because that is someone’s personal story, it’s not like they could have written it differently it’s their life! If you’ve never read much feminist literature you’d could definitely learn a lot from Untamed, I’d be selective about who I recommended this to but overall it was poignant and smart.

Rating: 3/5
Would recommend it? Yes!

Stories have always mattered but never more so than now. When our worlds got smaller and darker way back when in 2020, many of us turned to fiction to fix it.

We craved stories a whole world away from our complex reality – tales of book binding magic and make-believe realms where characters were still allowed to hug. The art of doing nothing was no longer just a nice phrase to caption our Sunday photo dump with but a legal requirement.

Staying at home gave us a unique opportunity to indulge in the simple pleasures we were always too preoccupied and too booked to appreciate. Without the usual noise of The Daily Grind, we noticed sunrises narrated by birdsong and small talk over the garden fence, even the bubbling of the kettle five times a day seemed to do extraordinary things for our wellbeing – the soundtrack of small victories and bright sides.

Plans gave way to dogeared paperbacks and introspection, and we quickly rediscovered the estranged joy of reading for pleasure, from our sofas, our doorsteps and every available patch of hope-giving sun.

Scanning inky ideas from left to right was all we had, so we sat still in the safety of our four walls, took a deep unknowing breath and watched the murmurations of a writer’s mind scatter and dovetail before us.

Books give a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything.

Plato

On rainy days, we let go of the pressure to seize fresh air and took provisions from our bookshelves instead. Like hygge hunters, our instinct told us to forage for our softest corners and fold ourselves away, as if we were sweet piles of weekend laundry or daily newspapers for pressing.

We sought comfort in all its motherly shapes; in midday baths and too many cups of coffee. The vanilla essence of our ordinary lives turned out to be the big beautiful breadcrumbs upon which we’d rely on to find our way home.

Books became the one government-approved friend we were allowed to invite into our homes and like babushka dolls in paper or e-reader form, they had more people and places hidden inside of them, waiting for us to read into being.

We yearned for words that would rest on our chest for months and rob us of sleep; the kind we’d frantically tap into the notes section of our phones at midnight alongside the shopping lists, passwords and baby names.

As each of those stories unfurled in our hands, blossoming like pavement flowers between bad news and political f*ck ups, we told ourselves that we’d read a few more chapters before making the bed or sorting the drawer of miscellaneous cables but we couldn’t seem to tear ourselves away from this other life we were clinging to. Somehow living vicariously through fictitious people and their often crumbling lives, makes returning to ours that little bit sweeter.

In fairer seasons, fresh cut grass and cordial daisies beckon us to kick off our sandals and sit under a tree, a face full of new freckles and a handful of fiction – a breeze just confident enough to fuss with the page numbers below it. In that moment, we’re all barefoot bookworms with nowhere else nor better to be, plucked from reality and sown amongst plot twists, leaning against grand oaks and chomping on the best apple you’ve ever had.

That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you’re not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

As lockdown’s final denouement plays out, albeit tentatively, we must try to remember the soul tonic our fictional and non-fictional friends afforded us, and despite the return of full diaries and weekends bookended with pub gardens and dancing in the moonlight, we will always need stories to bring us back to life.

How necessary it is to lose ourselves in the make-believe to face the real world once again.