30 Dirty Santa Gifts The Whole Family Will Want To Steal
Dirty Santa, Stealing Santa, White Elephant, or Switch, Steal, Unwrap- whatever alias it goes by in your household, this classic family game (read: argument starter) is one the festive season wouldn't be the same without.
Dirty Santa, Stealing Santa, White Elephant, or Switch, Steal, Unwrap- whatever alias it goes by in your household, this classic family game (read: argument starter) is one the festive season wouldn’t be the same without. For those who are unfamiliar, this cheeky Christmas pastime involves each guest bringing a gift that can be enjoyed by all, plonking it in the middle of the circle (or into a Santa’s sack for ultimate xmas joy), before drawing a player to go first, selecting a gift on your turn, and then when the presents run out, stealing from your fellow participants. For a full rundown of how to prepare for your own Dirty Santa extravaganza, check out dirtysantarules.com for all the ins and outs you need to know.
Finding the right gift for this free-for-all present exchange need not give you a headache though, as our comprehensive guide has all you could need to cater for every kind of pal or Auntie you see approx twice a year. Think a Mal Paper gratitude journal, bath oils from Gaia, inspirational reads from Matt Haig, delicious sweet treats from Biscuiteers or a Timothee Chalamet candle, just because. If you’re really sneaky you could even attempt leaving with your own present contribution, because they’re simply too good to part with…
‘Tis The Season To Wrap Up – Looking After Your Sexual Health At Christmas
Party season is well and truly underway and with it comes a labyrinth of sudden feelings and urges to navigate.
Health is wealth or so the saying goes and as we head towards the season of giving, the one gift we don’t want to receive this Christmas – or indeed re-gift – is an STI, thank you very much.
With all the merriment in the air and alcohol-fuelled nights impairing our judgement, the season can do us dirty, convincing us that the thrill of a one-night stand without protection has main character energy. Ah, the classic ‘do I fancy you, or is it just December?’ mind fuckery. Jägerbombs have a lot to answer for.
Party season is well and truly underway and with it comes a labyrinth of sudden feelings and urges to navigate. It can be a notoriously frisky time of year and with free prosecco a’flowing, it’s easy to slip into risk-taking behaviour. What can we say, there’s just something about the festivities that makes us more likely to get a little more amorous.
With that in mind, we’ve got a few golden rules, tips and tricks to have up your sleeve to ensure it’s the most wonderful time of the year for both you and your sexual health. From STI screenings to sex toy hygiene, here’s a run-down of everything you need to know.
The cardinal rules
Use protection – Adulthood is great and everything but STIs, not so much! Enter: condoms, the one accessory you can’t be without for party season. However you identify, carrying one is not only responsible but empowering and your best defence against sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies. Having safe sex is sexy, folks! You can pick up condoms for free from your GP or a sexual health clinic or purchase them from the pharmacy or supermarket.
If you take the contraceptive pill, wear the patch or have the injection, it’s important you’re covered and have enough provisions over the Christmas period. If getting a GP appointment isn’t possible, a sexual health clinic will be able to help you.
If you’ve had unprotected sex in the last five days and require emergency contraception, contact NHS 111 (England) or pop into your nearest Boots store to have a friendly and confidential chat with the pharmacist. You can also buy the emergency morning-after pill online at Boots in case you need it in the future. You’ll be asked to fill out a questionnaire so a pharmacist can check if your chosen pill is suitable.
Pee after sex / genital simulation – UTIs just LOVE to find us at Christmas. To reduce the risk, flush out any bacteria from your urethra caused by intercourse by peeing after sex. On the subject of UTIs – avoid sitting around in damp workout clothes or bathing suits and don’t switch from anal to vaginal intercourse without changing the condom.
Ditch the douching – as tempting as it is to cleanse your yoni in a post-sex cleanup, this can often do more harm than good. If you do want to have a post-action cleanse, stick to good old fashioned plain warm water and clean the vulva. Don’t venture inside as this can upset your pH levels. Your vagina is a self-cleaning goddess, leave her be. Same with penis-having people – when faced with the dilemma of whether to dunk or not to dunk after sex (s/o to *that* penis beaker Mumsnet post. Truly the gift that keeps on giving), avoid using soaps and scented body wash on the head of the penis. As for the penis beaker, there’s really no need. Keep things simple and stick to showering with warm water.
Stay hydrated – not only does it help preserve vaginal lubrication, but it also goes hand-in-hand with peeing after sex. Stay hydrated, have regular bathroom breaks, and reduce your risk of UTIs. Simple.
Getting checked for Sexually Transmitted Infections
STIs are predominantly spread by sexual contact, including oral, vaginal or anal sex, so even if you didn’t have penetrative sex, you can still be at risk of infections and passing an STI to a sexual partner. Some STIs can also be spread via blood or skin-to-skin contact.
Different infections have different incubation periods (the time between doing the deed and onset of symptoms) but most clinics recommend getting tested as soon as possible to be on the safe side.
People can react differently to the same STI and sometimes there are no noticeable symptoms at all, which is why getting tested regularly, particularly between new partners and after unprotected sex, is the only way to know for certain and start the year with a clean bill of health.
Here’s a list of some general symptoms to be aware of:
Discharge from the penis or vagina
Pain when urinating
Pain during sex
Blisters, sores or itchiness around the genitals
Rashes on the skin
Abdominal pain
Strong odour
Headaches
Bleeding between periods
Inflammation
What to expect from an STI screening
Whilst the thought of discussing intimate details with a stranger (albeit a professional one) doesn’t exactly scream Merry Christmas, remember this is their job – they’ve heard and seen it all before.
The test itself is straightforward and confidential. The initial consultation usually involves discussing the reason for your visit, how many sexual partners you’ve had, what type of sex you’ve engaged in, how often you use protection, potential symptoms you’re experiencing and your medical history – this all helps to inform your screening and what test is appropriate for you.
Depending on what you need to be tested for, you’ll either give a urine, blood or swab sample (vagina / anus / cheek / throat) which will be sent off to a lab for examination. In some instances, the clinician will also perform an external examination, for example, to diagnose genital warts and herpes.
Many clinics offer rapid testing for HIV but other test results can take up to 2 weeks. Your clinician will ask you how you’d prefer to receive your results i.e via text, email or a phone call.
What do if you test positive for an STI
Whilst this might not be the Crimbo surprise you were hoping for, it’s important you know you’re not alone. Anyone who is sexually active is at risk – more than 1 million STIs are acquired every day worldwide and you certainly won’t be the first or the last person to deal with one.
Some STIs can cause serious health issues if left undetected so even if it doesn’t feel like it, it’s better than you’re in the know. If your test comes back positive (meaning you have a sexually transmitted infection), your GP or sexual health nurse will be able to tell you the next steps regarding medication or treatment. Whilst not all STIs/STDs are curable (herpes, HIV, Hepatitis B, HPV) most infections can be eliminated with antibiotics and antiviral medication within a few days/weeks.
Informing your sexual partner/s
Depending on the STI, your health care provider might ask about sexual partners you’ve had over the last few months so you can discuss who needs to be notified.
Letting your sexual partners know they need to get tested isn’t anyone’s idea of fun alas, it’s a conversation that needs to be had to protect their health and prevent passing the infection to others. If you feel unable to inform them yourself, the Health Advisers will be able to notify them on your behalf without revealing your identity. This is called partner notification.
Keeping up to date with your body admin
It might not be the most thrilling of jobs to tick off your list at the start of the new year, but if you’ve had a particularly (ahem) busy Christmas, a visit to the sexual health clinic or GP for a full MOT should be as routine as washing your hair.
For anyone struggling to fit in a 3-hour appointment to the walk-in clinic (read: everybody), free at-home self-test kits are available online. Please note access to self-tests is dependent on your location.
Whether you’ve just received a new plaything for Christmas or you’re a seasoned user of The Poet, keeping your toys in tip-top condition and bacteria-free will extend their shelf-life and keep your genitals happy too. Win win!
How you clean your toys will depend on what material they’re made from however, regardless of whether they’re porous or non-porous, it’s a good idea to clean any toy straight after use, especially if you’re sharing it with your partner.
We get it, cleaning your intimate accessories is a bit of a buzzkill so if you’re looking for an excuse to get out of cleaning just use a condom on your sex toys every time. Pesky germs, be gone!
In terms of genital-friendly products, a mild unscented soap will do the job. Your vaginal microflora is a sensitive soul, so scented soap is a no-no as it can disrupt your vagina’s pH balance (which can lead to infections FYI).
If your toy is made from porous materials, usually elastomer or latex, they might get warped with exposure to hot water. If in doubt, always consult your trusty instructions to check you’re not going to do any damage. A broken vibrator is not conducive to a holly jolly Christmas.
For vibrators, it’s best to wipe them down with a warm damp dishcloth and unscented soap.
Post-play wipes and sprays serve a purpose for immediate cleaning but you’ll need to follow up with a thorough routine with water and soap as soon as you can.
The moral of the story: treat your genitals with kindness this Christmas and do your post-wank washing up.
Storing your sex toys
Whilst we’re all guilty of plonking our precious vibrators in our bedside drawer to rub shoulders with the miscellaneous (Vicks nasal inhaler anyone?), dust and lint does not a happy vagina make. And a vibrator with a funky menthol pine needle kick will certainly make for an angry one.
Protecting the goods with a satin bag will solve all your problems and should anyone be nosy enough to trip across your techno-coloured collection, they’ll have one more barrier to get through.
The risk of infection isn’t just limited to the vagina. The rectum is home to all kinds of bacteria so if you’re using a toy anally, the same applies. Do your washing up and stow them away nicely.
To help you narrow down what to snap up from beauty to fashion, homeware to tech and everything in between, Team Zoella are sharing their BF baskets and the items that will be arriving on our doorsteps in the next couple of weeks.
Get your debit card number memorised and your Safari tabs open because the shopping event of the year is finally upon us, and preparation for nabbing the ultimate bargains and discounted steals is essential, people! That’s right, the Black Friday and Cyber Week sales (aka a shopaholic’s wet dream) are out in full force, and whether you’re shopping for yourself or organising Christmas gifts before December has even hit, avoiding panic-induced ‘add to cart’ moments is always preferable. There will be no buyer’s regret in these parts!
Falling the day after Thanksgiving in the states, Black Friday 2021 is on the 26th of November, and our most loved brands including Olaplex, ASOS, Neom, Love Honey, The White Company and more really understood the assignment when it came to offering a bargain it’s impossible to scroll past…
To help you narrow down what to snap up from beauty to fashion, homeware to tech and everything in between, Team Zoella are sharing their BF baskets and the items that will be arriving on our doorsteps in the next couple of weeks. Prepare to see your Hermes driver more than your actual friends and fam this November. Sorry ’bout it.
Danielle – Gadgets
Gadgets, tech and higher ticket items are my go-to when shopping for Black Friday as you end up getting such a good deal. It’s worth doing your homework but these are the items I can’t wait to snap up, they also make incredible gifts. First off this NEOM diffuser fills the air with relaxing scents. Secondly the Womanizer Duo Rechargeable G-Spot and Clitoral Stimulator, this toy has such incredible reviews online and from friends, Black Friday is the perfect time to make the investment. Next up is a steamer, I’ve been wanting one for a while as it’s so much easier than ironing and you can take it away with you. What better time than to finally buy a Shark vacuum and see what all the fuss is about, this one looks incredible and stores so compactly! Finally is a Nespresso machine as mine is on its last legs, this one has everything you need as well as the milk foamer without breaking the bank.
I love a good deal on all things beauty on Black Friday, it’s the perfect time to stock up on your favourite products or try something new while it’s at a cheaper price. I’m always looking for Olaplex cheaper, so that’s the first on my list to snap up! I recently got curtain bangs cut in and (as always) I’ve been influenced by Tik Tok to try the Ouai Matte Pomade to keep them in place all day, so a good purchase for any fellow bangs people out there. I’ll also be stocking up on the Ashley Graham x St Tropez self-tan as it is SO GOOD. I’ve had my eye on a Ghd Hot Brush for a while too so with 20% off it’s the best time to invest. Laura Mercier powder is another staple to stock up on while it’s cheaper and for any fellow oily peeps like me, Farmacy have good discounts on Beauty Bay and their Daily Greens moisturiser is oil-free and just perfect for oily complexions, give it a go you won’t regret it!
There are no two ways about it, having a child isn’t cheap and for something so small, they seem to require a lot of “stuff”. Of course, not all of it is classed as essential but from experience, a lot of the non-essentials can make your life a lot easier. So why not make the most of all the best discounts available when you’ve got the chance, especially on some of those higher ticket or more luxury nice to have items you’ve been lusting after for your little ones! These were some of my favourite products which would also make excellent gift ideas.
I’ve got to that age when I’d actually be happy for my S.O. to gift me a Hoover for Christmas, so you bet I’ve added a Shark to my Black Friday watchlist. Elsewhere, I’m going to be on the hunt for a few new homeware additions including that iconic Instagram rug. H&M always have a great range of candlesticks perfect or the Christmas tables cape and The White Company signature candle is pretty much a Yuletide staple at this point, so I’m adding their Winter wick to my basket immediately. Bring on the savings!
I know some people think BF is just a big marketing ploy but I LOVE it and always plan ahead to get pieces I’ve wanted for a while for both myself and my family, and this year is no exception! You can probably tell from my previous Weekly Wants picks how much I love ASOS, and their sales always seem to fall just after I’ve placed an order so this time I am ready and waiting. I’m normally a gold jewellery fan (see beaut Daisy Jewellery ring) but this pair of earrings in silver are actually right up my street! & Other Stories is normally a bit spenny for me but when BF is here, nothing is impossible, and I’ve got my eye on these gorgeous Chelsea boots that I think would see me through the colder weather tres well!
The Magpie Society: Two For Joy is Here! Catch Up with One For Sorrow’s Almighty Cliffhanger…
Thanks to that almighty cliffhanger, the end of The Magpie Society: One For Sorrow kept us up until the early hours feeling like we’d been robbed of our whodunnit revelation…
Before you tuck into the second book in The Magpie Society duology, here’s a look back at what happened in the closing chapters of One For Sorrow…
Thanks to that almighty cliffhanger, the end of The Magpie Society: One For Sorrow kept us up until the early hours feeling like we’d been robbed of our whodunnit revelation…
Who killed Lola Radcliffe?!
The WKL? podcast raises the question of whether Lola’s death was an accident, suicide or cold-blooded murder. As the book unfolds, chalk and cheese students Audrey and Ivy form an unlikely alliance as they investigate Lola’s death, coming up against the mysterious and esoteric Magpie Society in the process.
By the end of One For Sorrow, Clover Mirth, who was revealed to be the podcast host, is missing and if the mysterious note and two hour voice recording Audrey and Ivy have discovered is anything to go by, its sounds like the Magpies have got to her. With another mystery on their hands, what fresh hell will be brewing at Illumen Hall, next?
Or should we say, ‘ILL OMEN HALL’.
The Magpie Society: Two For Joy
The follow up we’ve all been waiting for has nearly landed and with it comes more juicy boarding school secrets.
Determined to bring their fellow student Lola’s killer to justice, Audrey and Ivy find themselves embroiled in another mystery when their friend Clover disappears in suspicious circumstances.
Their only clue is a mysterious piece of paper taped under the desk, left by the enigmatic Magpie Society. With time running out and the police baffled, Audrey and Ivy must delve deeper than ever into the dark secrets that their school is hiding.
But someone is playing a deadly game. And to beat them, Audrey and Ivy have to start rewriting the rules…
Block out your weekend and prepare to be the flaky friend with other Illumen Hall commitments. Let the book hangover commence!
Friendsmas On A Budget: 8 Cheap ‘n’ Cheerful Dinner Ideas
Featuring a boozy Christmas Eve lasagne (so, this is love) and easy vegan pigs in blankets, these are the frugal but flavoursome recipes and picky dinners guaranteed to complete your Friendsmas.
Friends are priceless, this much we do know. If money grew on Christmas spruces, it would be caviar and Moët all-around alas, we’re not Richie Rich. December is a magical month but it also eats Monzo saving pots for fun, with a ho ho ho glint in its eye. With the average household spending£740 more in December, anything that can help save us all a few bob is Mariah Carey to our ears.
Featuring a boozy Christmas Eve lasagne (so, this is love) and easy vegan pigs in blankets, these are the frugal but flavoursome recipes and picky dinners guaranteed to complete your Friendsmas, so you can eat, drink and be merry without the financial hangover to go with it.
1. Festive Fully Loaded Nachos
A one-pot wonder everyone can get stuck into is always a good idea for a Christmas shin-dig and since nachos are universally loved by all, it’s a no brainer.
Whilst everybody knows blue Doritos are the *superior* choice for a nacho feast, crispy scoop style tortilla crisps work best for this fully loaded recipe. Topped with leftover turkey, cranberry sauce and all the trimmings you can find – say no more.
SERVES 4-6
PREP:
10 MINS COOK:
10 MINS
EASY
INGREDIENTS
Ingredients
48 scoop-style tortilla chips
275g shredded cooked turkey
120g salsa verde
200g grated Monterey Jack cheese
100g cranberry jelly
1 tbsp lime juice
75g soured cream
1 small bunch coriander, coarsely chopped
Pre-heat over to 200°C, line a baking tray with foil and arrange your tortilla scoops or Doritos of choice.
Combine the shredded cooked turkey and salsa together in a bowl and fill each scoop with the mixture. Top with all the grated cheese. More is more. Anyone who suggests otherwise can get stuffed.
Bake for around 10 minutes until the chips are golden and the cheese is lovely and melted.
Meanwhile, prepare cranberry sauce and lime juice in a bowl. Top each scoop / tortilla crisp with the mixture and a generous dollop of soured cream. Top with fresh coriander to taste.
Salad doesn’t wash with us and it sure as hell won’t wash with your hungry guests, which is why salad has no place on this list. You’re welcome. Consider it a Christmas cuss word in this house.
To level up your lasagne game (only the best for your day ones), look no further than Christmas Eve lasagne – ideal for tucking into between rounds of dirty Santa.
Psst! Add a generous glug of mulled wine to your ragu to give it some Christmas clout.
SERVES 6
PREP:
45 MINS COOK:
60 MINS
EASY
INGREDIENTS
Ingredients
100g diced pancetta
1 large onion finely chopped
1 large carrot finely chopped
2 x 500g lean beef steak mince
400ml mulled wine
2 tbsp finely chopped sage / 2 tsp dried sage
2 x 400g chopped tomatoes
500ml beef stock
12 lasagne sheets
1 large parsnip, peeled into ribbons
75g chestnuts roughly chopped for the bechamel sauce
50g unsalted butter
50g plain flour
1 litre semi-skimmed milk
125g extra mature cheddar, grated
100g stilton, crumbled
Method:
1. Gently fry the pancetta in a nonstick pan for 5-6 mins, until golden and releasing some of its oil.
2. Add the onion and carrot, then cook for another 10-12 mins, until softened.
3. Add the mince to the pan and brown all over, stirring regularly — it will take about 10 mins.
4. Pour in the mulled wine and bubble for 2 mins before stirring in the sage. Add the chopped tomatoes and beef stock, then allow to simmer gently for up to 10 mins until the sauce has reduced.
5. Meanwhile, preheat the oven to 180°C/fan 160°C/Gas 4
6. To make the bechamel sauce, melt the butter in a saucepan and stir in the flour.
7. Cook for 2 mins, then take the pan off the heat and gradually stir in the milk, until smooth.
8. Return to the heat, bring up to a simmer and stir continuously for 6-8 mins, until the sauce has thickened.
9. Remove from the heat, then stir in the Cheddar and 75g of the Stilton.
To assemble the lasagne:
10. Lay 4 pasta sheets along the bottom of a 3-litre ovenproof dish.
11. Pour over a quarter of the sauce, followed by a third of the ragu.
12. Repeat, finishing with a layer of ragu.
13. Add most of the parsnip, then the remaining sauce.
14. Sprinkle over the rest of the Stilton and the chestnuts, top with the rest of the parsnip ribbons, then bake for 1 hour, until golden, before serving.
This hearty recipe will go down a treat with your best pals this Christmas and will ensure all your leftover veggies go to good use. Any recipe that insists chucking leftovers in a frying pan qualifies as cooking is worthy of a place on this list. Less time faffing around in the kitchen means more time guzzling copious amounts of prosecco with the girls. If you’re wondering if all that coinage we saved on ingredients has gone towards booze, you’d be absolutely right.
SERVES 4
PREP:
15 MINS COOK:
7 MINS
EASY
INGREDIENTS
Ingredients
700g leftover mash potato
200g leftover cabbage / kale
2 tbsp butter
2 tbsp vegetable oil
¼ tsp salt
¼ tsp pepper
Serve with:
Grilled crispy bacon, chopped
Salt and pepper
Poached eggs (optional)
Fresh parsley, chopped
HP sauce
1. Preheat the grill.
2. In a bowl, mix your leftover veggies, mash potato, salt and pepper.
3. Add 1 tbsp of butter and 1 tbsp of oil to a frying pan. Melt the butter over a medium-high heat until bubbling.
4. Add half of the bubble and squeak mixture and squash down with a heat-proof spatula.
5. Fry for 5-7 minutes until the edges start to brown. Ruffle the top with a fork to get more crispy bits.
6. Melt the remaining butter and mix with the remaining oil. Brush the top of the bubble and squeak mixture.
7. Place under the grill for 5 minutes until golden brown. Keep an eye on it.
8. Remove from the grill, sprinkle with chopped crispy bacon and season with salt and pepper. For extra party season points, add on a poached egg or two and a sprinkling of fresh parsley.
You might need to consult the group before committing to this divisive dish or else risk losing friends but if sprouts get the green light, then consider this your go-to party piece. Cheap, filling, festive and easy, it’s the cheesy main every Friendsmas needs.
SERVES 4
PREP:
10 MINS COOK:
30 MINS
EASY
INGREDIENTS
Ingredients
5 slices bacon
3 tbsp. butter
2 small shallots, minced
900g Brussels sprouts, halved
Salt
1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper
180ml double cream
50g grated sharp white cheddar
50g grated Gruyère
Preheat oven to 190°C. In a large oven-safe skillet over medium heat, cook bacon for around 8 minutes until crispy. Drain on a paper towel-lined plate, then chop. Discard bacon fat.
Return skillet to medium heat and melt butter. Add shallots and Brussels sprouts and season with salt and cayenne. Cook, stirring occasionally, until tender, about 10 minutes.
Remove from heat and drizzle with double cream, then top with both cheeses and bacon.
Bake until cheese is bubbly, 12 to 15 minutes. (If your cheese isn’t golden, switch oven to grill and grill 1 minute.)
Mean mac & cheese with a healthy(ish) sweet potato twist – home cooking doesn’t get better than this. Veggie friends, you won’t need to bring your own Tupperware tonight, not with this winter warmer in your corner. It’s a Christmas miracle.
SERVES 4-6
PREP:
20 MINS COOK:
35 MINS
EASY
INGREDIENTS
Ingredients
500g sweet potatoes
300g pennette or short pasta
60g unsalted butter
3 x 15ml tbsp plain flour
500ml full fat milk
1 tsp English mustard
½ tsp paprika + more for sprinkling
75g feta cheese
125g mature cheddar grated (+25g to sprinkle on top)
4 fresh sage leaves
Salt and pepper
Preheat the oven to 200°C / gas mark 6. Bring a large pan of water to the boil with the lid on.
Peel the sweet potatoes and cut them into 2-3cm pieces. When the water is boiling, add a pinch of salt to taste and follow with the potato pieces. Cook for around 10 minutes until they’re soft.
Take the potato out of the water using a slotted spoon and transfer to a bowl. Lightly mash with a fork. Keep the water to one side to use for the pasta later!
In another saucepan, gently melt the butter and add the flour, whisking to form a roux. Take the pan off the heat, slowly whisk in the milk and, when it’s all combined and smooth, put back on the heat.
Exchange your whisk for a wooden spoon and continue to stir until your gently bubbling sauce has lost any floury taste and has thickened. Add the mustard and the ¼ teaspoon of paprika. Season to taste – remember that you will be adding Cheddar and salty feta later, so go easy for now.
Cook the pennette in the sweet-potato water, starting to check 2 minutes earlier than packet instructions dictate, as you want to make sure it doesn’t lose its bite entirely.
Drain (reserving some of the pasta cooking water first) and then add the pennette to the mashed sweet potato, and fold in to combine; the heat of the pasta will make the mash easier to mix in.
Add the feta cheese to the sweet potato and pasta mixture, crumbling it in so that it is easier to disperse evenly, then fold in the white sauce, adding the 125g/1¼ cups grated Cheddar as you go. Add some of the pasta cooking water, should you feel it needs loosening up at all.
Check for seasoning again, then spoon the brightly sauced macaroni cheese into 4 small ovenproof dishes.
Sprinkle the remaining Cheddar over each one, dust with the remaining ¼ teaspoon of paprika, then shred the sage leaves and scatter over the top.
Put the pots on a baking tray, pop into the oven and bake for 20 minutes (or, if you’re making this in a larger dish, bake for 30–35 minutes), by which time they will be piping hot and bubbling.
Vegan pigs in blankets. That’s it. That’s the tweet. Yes, Ps in Bs count as dinner. It’s Christmas, a tub of Quality Street counts as dinner for crying out loud.
For those of you who would sooner have picky bits and small plates over one big meal, this is a grazing board with your name on it. Ready in 3 easy steps and ideal for prepping the night before, you’ll have plenty of free time to throw on your PJs, watch Home Alone and whack on a hydrating sheet mask plumped with hyaluronic acid. What else is the mouth opening for if not for threading through chipolatas?
SERVES 16
PREP:
15 MINS COOK:
30 MINS
EASY
INGREDIENTS
Ingredients
½ tbsp vegetable oil
½ sheet ready-rolled dairy-free puff pastry
16 chipolata-style vegan sausages
1 tbsp dried sage
For the glaze:
1 tbsp soy milk
1 tbsp vegetable oil
¼ nutmeg, grated
½ garlic clove, grated
1. Use the oil to coat a large baking tray. Unroll the puff pastry on a work surface so it’s flat, then cut it into 16 x 10cm-long strips.
2. Wind a strip of pastry around each sausage, so it looks like a corkscrew. Transfer to the prepared tray and chill for 15 mins. Will keep in the fridge overnight, or the freezer for up to two weeks.
3. Heat the oven to 220°C/200°C fan/gas 7. To make the glaze, combine the soy milk, oil, nutmeg, garlic, a pinch of salt and plenty of black pepper in a bowl. Brush the glaze over the pastry spirals using a pastry brush, then sprinkle with the sage. Bake for 25-30 mins, or until the pastry is puffed up and golden, and the sausages are cooked through.
If your muckers can’t handle the heat, fear not, you can customise these drunken noodles to suit their spice tolerance. An easy dish to toss together in 10 minutes flat, you’ll be in and out of the kitchen and back to the action quicker than you can say Cards Against Humanity.
SERVES 4
PREP:
10 MINS COOK:
10 MINS
EASY
INGREDIENTS
Ingredients
8 oz wide rice noodles
2 Tbsp sesame oil (or canola)
2 shallots, chopped
2 carrots, thinly sliced
1 large chicken breast, chopped (or shrimp or tofu)
3 large cloves of garlic, minced
½ teaspoon fresh minced ginger
1 courgette, thinly sliced
1 green bell pepper, thinly sliced
2 spring onions, chopped
1 plum tomato, sliced
1 cup fresh Thai Basil leaves, roughly chopped
For the sauce:
3 tbsp oyster sauce
1/3 cup low sodium soy sauce
2 teaspoons fish sauce
2 teaspoons brown sugar
2 tbsp water
1 teaspoon Thai red chilli paste / sriracha / crushed red pepper flakes
1. Cook noodles according to package instructions.
2. Mix sauce in a small bowl and set aside.
3. Heat 1 tablespoon of oil in a wok or large skillet over high heat. Add shallots and carrot and cook for 2 minutes. Add another tablespoon of oil to the pan. Add chicken and season with pepper. Add garlic and ginger and cook for 10 seconds. Add bell pepper, courgette, tomato and the whites of the chopped spring onion and cook for 2 minutes.
4. Add noodles to the pan and pour the sauce over the noodles. Toss and cook for a few minutes until warmed through. Remove from heat and stir in chopped basil.
5 .Serve immediately, garnished with remaining spring onion and extra chili sauce, sriracha, or crushed red pepper, for added spice.
For the ultimate feed-a-crowd recipe give this savoury pie a whirl. You can easily swap out the courgette for something different. Try kale and leek or turkey, cranberry and brie – thanksgiving leftovers style.
SERVES 4-6
PREP:
20 MINS COOK:
40 MINS
MEDIUM
INGREDIENTS
Ingredients
All-purpose flour, to dust work surface
One package pie crust
1 cup ricotta cheese
2 eggs
2 tablespoons chopped fresh dill
1 garlic clove, minced
1¾ teaspoons freshly ground black pepper, divided
1 large courgette, thinly sliced
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon kosher salt
⅓ cup grated Parmesan cheese
Preheat the oven to 200°C. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
On a lightly floured surface, roll out the pie crust into a 10-inch circle. Transfer it to the prepared baking sheet.
In a medium bowl, whisk the ricotta with 1 egg and the dill, garlic and ¾ teaspoon pepper in a medium bowl. Spread the mixture evenly over the piecrust, leaving about 1 inch of the perimeter uncovered.
In another medium bowl, toss the courgette with the olive oil, salt and remaining pepper. Arrange the courgette slices evenly over the ricotta. Fold the edge of the dough up and toward the centre, partially covering the filling.
In a small bowl, whisk the remaining egg with 1 tablespoon of water. Lightly brush the egg wash around the edge of the crust and sprinkle evenly with the Parmesan.
Bake until the crust is very golden brown, 35 to 40 minutes. Let cool 15 minutes before slicing and serving.
Featuring the iconic Foreo Luna, hair tool must-haves from Ghd, and winter complexion saviours from Kiehls, we’ve got your party season essentials covered to celebrate Christmas 2021 looking and feeling your best.
This article includes a paid partnership with Skinnydip
Black Friday, aka a bargain hunters dream, might not roll around until the 26th November, but the first of this year’s discounts are dropping like it’s hot, and getting in there early to ensure your Christmas shopping and ‘to me, from me’ items are added to basket ASAP is certainly an idea Martin Lewis would get behind…
Featuring the iconic Foreo Luna, hair tool must-haves from Ghd, and winter complexion saviours from Kiehls, we’ve got your party season essentials covered to celebrate Christmas 2021 looking and feeling your best. And because sometimes giving is as good as receiving, wrap up Christmas shopping for dad with the Always Pan, gifts mum will be posting a Facebook status about immediately from Nespresso, and accessories your bestie will squeal about courtesy of Skinnydip- suddenly December feels more peaceful already!
Whilst we don’t have the scoop on the exact product promotions hitting our inboxes this week, 2020 gave a pretty clear indication that the Black Friday deals are going to keep getting bigger and better. Here’s hoping!
Wish lists at the ready…
This article includes a paid partnership with Skinnydip
Emma is an editor at Penguin Random House and the editor of The Magpie Society Duology written by Zoe Sugg and Amy McCulloch. Ahead of the book's launch Emma is giving us the goss on what it was like to work on Two For Joy!
First off, how has your 2021 been?
It’s been a mixed bag! I was supposed to go to Greece with some pals, and that isn’t going to happen now until 2023. But on the plus side, there have been a bunch of rescheduled weddings which have been joyful – and I’ve been able to see so much more of my family this year than last. It’s looking like we might even get to spend Christmas together, my favourite time of year!
Can you tell us about your background and journey to becoming a book editor?
I’m a bit of a publishing cliché – I’ve always loved reading and I studied English at uni. But after that, I moved to London and worked for a couple of years in an independent children’s bookshop which I really loved, before landing a role as an editorial assistant in the Children’s and YA team at Penguin in 2015.
For those that don’t know, what does a book editor actually do?
It’s a lot more than grammar and spelling, which is what surprised me most when I entered publishing for the first time. I’m a senior commissioning editor now, which means my main job is bringing new books and authors to our Puffin and Penguin lists. I spend a lot of time considering manuscripts and book proposals for publication – I work on fiction and non-fiction, and on all age groups from young illustrated books for 7-year-olds to thrilling young adult novels like The Magpie Society.
After acquiring the book (signing a contract with the author/s), comes a few months of editorial collaboration, before working closely with Marketing, PR, production and sales to ensure the book is launched into the world with a splash. A lot of my job is about my authors and their literary agents – having creative calls and sending editorial notes, sharing publishing updates and campaign plans, providing sales numbers etc.
What is the process like for editing a book?
It completely varies from book to book! For fiction, what usually starts the process is an initial email, meeting or call to discuss some very ‘big picture’ points and following up with an editorial letter addressing what we call the ‘structural edit’. This means plot, structure, characters, motivations, scenes or characters that might need to be cut and places that might need additional scenes for context.
After the structural editing stage comes line editing, which is where we go through the book line by line, checking that the text feels as impactful as possible – funny, pacy, scary or emotional in all the right places. There might be a few rounds of line edits and then, when myself and the author/s are happy with how the manuscript is looking, we pass it to a copy-editor whose job is to check for clarity, inconsistencies and general sense. Proofreading comes after that – that’s the final spelling and grammar and typo check.
What was it like editing Two For Joy with Zoe and Amy?
I really love YA books – particularly thrillers – and Zoe and Amy are both very talented at writing for young adults, so publishing the Magpie Society duology has been a real editorial highlight for me. For both books, the editorial process has been a combination of creative Zoom calls with Zoe and Amy, editorial letters outlining structural changes, and line edits made directly onto the manuscript, with the authors making changes and cuts, writing new scenes and fleshing out characters, and sending them back to me for review.
It’s SO much fun editing these thrillers because reading the first drafts was like reading any great murder mystery for the first time – I was compulsively turning pages, desperate to find out what happened next. Every draft after that was just more atmospheric, more compulsive, with higher stakes, and funnier and more emotional moments. Our edits were a lot about maintaining the mystery throughout, and at the same time making sure the reader has enough easter eggs, clues and red herrings to keep things interesting and make for a satisfying overall conclusion. Zoe writes Ivy’s character and Amy writes Audrey’s, so I loved how they worked together as co-authors and created such a seamless narrative, even while they had to compare notes over WhatsApp during lockdown!
Do you think readers will be happy to see how the Magpie Society ends?
When I read the ending of Two for Joy I genuinely gasped out loud – it’s brilliantly twisty and I think readers are going to absolutely love it. There are layers upon layers of mysteries in this duology and the conclusion is both terrifying and satisfying. I can’t wait for people to get their hands on the book so I can talk to everyone about it without spoilers!
What would your advice be to anyone looking to enter a career in editing?
It’s a really rewarding, creative job that’s a lot about passion – for stories, and for making them the best they can be. If you’re looking to join a particular publisher or imprint, make sure you really know your area of the market, whether it’s crime & thriller, non-fiction memoir, children’s books, popular science – there are so many areas you can go into depending on your personal taste. Publishers will always want to know you’re really invested in the kind of books they publish.
What have some of your favourite book releases been this year?
I’ve read some truly amazing new books this year, including Release the Beast by Bimini Bon Boulash which is so powerful and proud and eye-opening (and funny!). I also loved The Lamplighters by Emma Stonex for a really intriguing mystery, and on the YA side, I inhaled Empress & Aniya by Candice Carty-Williams, a heartfelt novella about two best friends. Also, I have to mention one of my own YA releases this year – The Upper World, an incredible time-travelling thriller soon to be a major movie starring Daniel Kaluuya! This has been a bumper year for amazing books.
What else have you edited that is launching for Christmas?
I edit books for a variety of ages, so alongside Two for Joy I’ve also had a couple of autumn releases for slightly younger readers – I work with non-fiction author Adam Kay and his new book Kay’s Marvellous Medicine is a hilarious history of medicine throughout the ages; I have also just published a beautiful debut novel by middle-grade author Helenka Stachera called The Ice Whisperers, the story of two sisters born forty thousand years apart. I also want to mention a book that was published earlier this year, but is the perfect novel for curling up with on cold winter nights (and a great read for Magpie Society fans): Wicked Little Deeds by Kat Ellis, a real page-turner of a small-town thriller full of urban legends, creepy shadows, a bad-boy romance and a killer on the loose…
What does your perfect weekend look like?
A combination of long walks, movie nights and delicious food. Is any Sunday complete without a roast?
What do you always carry with you?
It’s cheating a bit, but I always have on me my ‘everything bag’. It’s a small glittery bag which has all the essentials in it: plasters, hand sanitiser, eye drops, painkillers, deodorant, a pen, a spare charger . . . It’s saved me on multiple occasions!
What would your last ever meal be?
My partner makes the most amazing tomato and baby aubergine curry, which I always crave when I want something comforting, so I think it would have to be that. Plus I have a gigantic sweet tooth, so it would have to be followed by some kind of chocolate pudding cookie cake.
What is one positive piece of advice you could give to our audience?
Never lose sight of the things that make you passionate – life is so much more than the 9-5. For me, I really have to remind myself to read for pleasure outside of my job, too.
“Am I Addicted To Masturbating?” – Between You & Me Part 22
From self-pleasure to self-doubt, we’ll be discussing how using someone else as a benchmark for your own worth is the death of joy.
Self-pleasure is natural. It’s healthy, it’s stressbusting and it’s an ELITE form of self-care but hey, there’s a time and place. Agreed? If the impulse to touch yourself is starting to have a negative effect on your life, your relationships, or your work, then it might be worth discussing with a mental health professional. To borrow an iconic quote from Sex Education, if you’ve been wanking all night, had four packets of crumpets and you think your clit might fall off, then it might be time to get to the bottom of what these compulsive urges are really about.
From self-pleasure to self-doubt, we’ll also be discussing how using someone else as a benchmark for your own worth is the death of joy. The comparison trap tracks us all down at some point: when our friends are making strides in their careers, settling down before us or, as is the case in this month’s BYAM, passing their driving test first time whilst some of us have yet to find a driving instruction willing to share a car with us….
It can feel like the whole world is thriving besides you but PSA: thoughts aren’t facts and comparison is the fugliest nastiest skank bitch we’ve ever met. Do not trust her. Your personal values are the only standards you need to compete with.
Elsewhere, we’ll be dishing out some of our finest advice on first ever date nerves and dealing with trust issues after an emotionally abusive relationship, so get clicking through the gallery to read the team’s replies.
Next year, we’ll be shaking up our BYAM offering, so if there’s anything you’d love to see us change up for the series, we’d love to hear from you! Get in touch – betweenyouandme@zoella.co.uk
Danielle
Hello love, I’m so sorry to hear about the passing of your Mum and the subsequent anxiety it has been causing you. It definitely sounds like quite a rare situation that I doubt many of your friends and family have experienced, which always makes it harder for people to understand exactly what you’re going through. When family members pass you would think the worst part is them actually passing but actually, sometimes it’s all the stress and grief they leave behind that affects people more, especially as you weren’t as close. It’s hard to talk to your family about the situation as they won’t want you to downplay your relationship with your mum and basically say you’re not as bothered about it as them, so I would maybe refrain from telling them the truth and just tell them how you’re feeling quite anxious and stressed and would appreciate them backing off a little to help you process everything in your own way. Grief affects us all differently and them coming to you for things/needing your time is negatively affecting your mental health. I would also make sure you process your grief properly and try not to worry as much about Uni work, it’s super important right now but in the long run, you don’t want to regret putting too much significance on schooling over your relationship with your siblings. Make sure you’re taking time for yourself whether that be meditating, exercising or a relaxing bath, take each day as it comes, and remember your University is there to help you work through this kind of thing too. Sending hugs xx
Lareese
Hello lovely,
Thanks for writing in for BYAM.
Driving anxiety is incredibly common (something we’re hoping to touch on in an article next year actually!), from the tests themselves to driving roads you’re not familiar with and driving at night (a big fear of mine), it’s that feeling of being out of control and all the potential things that could go wrong. Add in classic exam nerves and covid postponements on top of that and it’s really no wonder you’re feeling stuck in a rut with it.
First thing’s first – take a leaf out of Adele’s book and go easy on yourself. Comparisonitus is a real dick – we all do it, but how long it took your friends to pass their test is none of your business. You do you, boo! Stay in your lane. It takes as long as it takes and all I can say is no one (literally no one) will ever ask you how long / how many times it took you to pass. Once you’ve got that shiny pink license, you become someone who drives or someone who doesn’t and that’s where the conversation ends. It likely feels like a huge deal right now because you’re in it and it probably feels like the whole world has passed their test besides you – fomo sucks – but once you’ve got your own set of wheels and you’re hitting the open road as a qualified driver, all of the stress of getting there will be a distant memory. If anything, it’ll feel even more momentous when you get that sweet “P” plate.
I feel like driving is such a niche skill and it’s one of those things that either comes naturally to you or it doesn’t. I was certainly in the latter camp. I could not master the art of reverse round a corner for the life of me. One thing I would say to help calm your nerves is talk to yourself! I’ve got a friend learning to drive at the moment and she said during lessons, it has helped her enormously to talk herself through what she needs to do step-by-step. There’s no reason why you couldn’t do that in your test, too!
Create a little calming ritual to practise before your next test. Breathwork techniques could be something worth trying to channel that nervous energy along with positive affirmations to go through the evening before and on the morning of your test. Make sure you’re just the right amount of hydrated haha (you don’t want a full bladder if you’re nervous but equally water helps us focus), well-rested and as prepared as you can, mentally and physically. Get into the habit of thinking this is something that’s coming your way. Manifest the first playlist you’re going to put on when you’re legally allowed to drive a car all on your own. One day you will absolutely be able to toot your own horn – and who bloody cares how long it took you to toot it!
In the meantime, keep on trucking. There’s no such thing as taking too much time to pass, my friend. It’s frustrating and expensive, I hear you but you WILL get your chance to call all fellow drivers wankers and sing Taylor Swift at the top of your lungs whilst on a scenic route through the countryside, and you can’t put a price on that haha.
Charlotte
Hi lovely! I feel you SO MUCH on this issue. I also had the worst anxiety when learning to drive and I think it’s important to recognise that whilst our friends etc may find the experience a smooth one, there are so many valid reasons as to why driving causes problems for so many. Firstly, I think it’s important to try and banish the comparison aspect of what you’re feeling and reaffirm to yourself that everyone is so different in situations like this, so comparing yourself to your peers will only be adding extra pressure in an already intense scenario. There are no doubt so many things you are great at and situations you thrive in that your friends find more challenging, so it’s important to remind yourself that not everyone’s path is going to be the same, and that’s okay!
Next, how are you feeling about your current instructor? The person that you learn from and who guides you through this process is super important, and there are anxiety and nervous driver specific instructors out there that it might be worth looking into to help you on this journey. I think feeling not only comfortable but also empowered and capable of passing is going to be so important for you, and the right person teaching you will 100% be able to give you that confidence. Mindset is a big thing in a driving test, because most likely you’re actually a very capable and good driver, it’s just the nerves and anxiety that get the better of you! It may be worth looking into getting a confidence/lifestyle coach to help you work through some of these limiting beliefs and give you the confidence to know that this is a possibility for you! Some more simple tools you could look into yourself might be breathing techniques and affirmations to calm you down in the test scenario, as I am 100% sure you have it in you to pass, it’s just a case of believing in yourself and the process!
Best of luck and please do let us know when you pass- I bet it will be sooner than you think!
Danielle
Hello love, thank you so much for writing in about your experience with this kind of relationship, a lot of the problems that come into the inbox are people stuck in the middle of an issue but it seems like the situation you’ve described is over and you just need advice on how to process it – which is extremely healthy! Firstly, a massive well-done for removing yourself from that situation as it absolutely sounds toxic, and you being able to take yourself out of it instead of putting up with it is extremely brave and commendable. It sounds like this guy was pretty selfish and had no regard for your feelings whatsoever which does not make for a very fulfilling or healthy relationship. It’s really sh*t that one of your first romantic relationships was with someone that awful and I really hope it doesn’t affect you too much with future partners as men like him are definitely in the minority, but I also wouldn’t blame you if that was the case! Just remember to be open and honest with those partners so they understand where you’ve been. It might be worth writing down some positive things to manifest every morning like; you are worthy, you are important, you are a joy to be around, and you deserve someone who treats you with the same respect you treat them. Wishing you all the best of luck with future relationships, you know the red flags and you know how to be strong and get out of something if it’s not good for you. Now go out and get out of your comfort zone because that’s the best way to grow
Charlotte
Hi anon, firstly thanks so much for being brave enough to write in and share your experience with us as it sounds like you’ve really been through a lot in dealing with this! Reading your email was one big, almighty red flag for me and I think you’re only just starting to realise the gravity of how toxic this person was now that you’re out of the situation- something that is super common in abusive relationships. It’s completely understandable that you would feel a sense of unease and a lack of trust with potential future relationships, because when someone is manipulative and controlling, they undermine our sense of self, our experiences and generally how we feel day to day, which means in the aftermath we doubt ourselves, and the protective part of our brains wants us to avoid future relationships for fear of the same thing happening again. What I will say is that just because this experience has been so big for you, it is not the be all and end all of how your future relationships will go. It’s really unfortunate that at such a young age this has been your experience because I think it will have shaped how you feel about romantic partners, but please know that the immaturity and toxicity of this person is not something that is inevitable in relationships to come.
Forming a close bond with someone should be a two way street, and for whatever reason this person didn’t have the capacity or desire to give the same time, energy and commitment that you did. When you meet someone who IS willing to do that, I promise things will fall into place with such ease that you will wonder how you were willing to settle for less. The brilliant thing is you were in fact able to recognise in the end that this person wasn’t good for you, and I hope you’ve been able to wrap yourself up in a bundle of love and self compassion for this because it is no easy feat, but does show me that you are ready and open for better things to come.
It seems everything I do at the moment comes back to Taylor Swift, but if you haven’t already I’d really recommend watching the All Too Well short film or reading the lyrics to the extended cut of this song, because it really does sums up toxic, manipulative and gaslight heavy relationships to a tee. You might find some solace (I know I did!) in knowing that your experience is one that so many have gotten through and that it’s possible to go on and find healthy relationships in the future, despite how difficult and impactful this experience feels right now.
Sending endless love and light and remember this is just a tiny chapter that does not define you!
Darcey
This is such a good question, I agree you must feel ready and happy to date, but also on the flipside sometimes just meeting some new people and having fun with no pressure is also a good time. I wonder why you don’t feel ready to date and what is holding you back? I think if it’s anxiety to do with past trauma around dating / relationships, holding off and putting yourself first is wise as you don’t want to push yourself when you are feeling uncomfortable and scared. However, if it’s a self-confidence / worrying about rejection reason, then I think put yourself out there! Dating genuinely can be very scary and I am someone who fears rejection, but after going on a few dates I realised they are basically just like interviews to see if you even get along, and they might turn around and say they aren’t interested, but also the power is in your hands too! I think most people want to be liked and worry about dating because of this, fear of rejection is a reallll thing and I think more people struggle with this than you think. I could be way off and actually you just aren’t sure you can be bothered with dating, which is also totally okay! If you are feeling this way, maybe leave it until dating excites you again. However, it sounds like you’ve met someone you vibe with so maybe try another date and see how it goes? Going on another date doesn’t mean it has to go anywhere, so there’s still plenty of time to cut it off if you do decide it’s not for you. I think if you do decide dating isn’t for you right now, just be open and honest with this person, they’ll appreciate that, I’m sure.
All the best in the future! Darcey X
Lareese
Hello!
Thanks for submitting your BYAM problem. I say ‘problem’ in finger quotes as I don’t think self-pleasure, generally, is a problem. I guess it depends how often you’re talking! If you’re having to make excuses to disappear off to the loo several times a day whilst working, then it might be a little excessive but hey, we’re all different with wonderfully diverse libidos.
However, if it’s got to a point where you’re masturbating when you don’t really want to, you’re in pain, you’re hiding bank statements for those late-night porn hauls or it’s preventing you from doing your job, then I’d say that’s a pretty good indication something’s out of sync and it might be worth reaching out to get some professional treatment, either by speaking 1-1 with a specialist or attending sex addict anonymous groups. Once it’s started to negatively affect your daily-life or you can no longer control the compulsive urges to masturbate, I think that’s the point you might consider psychological help.
If it’s a case of experiencing feelings of guilt or shame around masturbating, then know that you’re not alone. Self-pleasure education still has a long way to go, particularly if you’re female (hello orgasm gap) but masturbation is a natural and joyful way to experience pleasure and has plenty of health benefits but the lack of open conversation certainly makes it feel like a real taboo. Reminder: You are entitled to explore your sexual fantasies!
Good luck with everything and well done for opening up about it.
Every Casually Cruel Emotion We Had After Watching Taylor Swift’s All Too Well Short Film
Indisputably a masterpiece, the short film starring Sadie Sink and Dylan O’Brian is a visual triumph that cements Taylor as a true lyrical, visual and emotive genius.
Dear Taylor, in our eyes you can do no wrong, and theAll Too Well short film released on 12th November as part of the re-recording (iconic) of 2012’s earlier (also iconic) Red album is unequivocal evidence of this.
With each moment beautifully constructed as if by someone who can see inside the minds of every heartbroken soul to mourn a toxic relationship, and every shot designed to make us fall deeper into the despair that comes from this loss, watching the All Too Well film is the type of heartbreak time could never mend.
Indisputably a masterpiece (’til you tore it all up), the short film starring Sadie Sink and Dylan O’Brian is a visual triumph that cements Taylor as a true lyrical, visual and emotive genius. Here’s everything you probably also experienced in the 14 minute, 56 second rollercoaster that is the All Too Well short film…
“Love is so short, forgetting is so long” It’s 00.01 seconds in- does Taylor want us to drown in our own tears because that’s the way it’s heading.
Taylor Swift invented the colour red.
“Are you for reaI? […] I don’t know I just feel like maybe I made you up” me @ a past version of myself thinking I could ever exist without Ms Swift.
Autumn is the superior season for romance.
The 1989 Mercedes-Benz S-Class. *Insert side eye emoji*
Googles: ‘Easy way to dye hair red’.
I want to be Sadie Sink when I grow up.
IS the scarf a virginity metaphor? Will we ever know?
I should have put waterproof mascara on.
I know we don’t like him here, but Dylan O’Brien’s character is très cute …
THAT 360° SMOOCH
The black turtleneck and red lipstick duo was and always will be *chefs kiss*
Sadie’s full wine glass at dinner because she doesn’t drink red wine and is underage. He never cared, and I’m already sobbing.
‘FUCK THE PATRIARCHY’ KEY CHAIN ON THE GROUND.
Sadie’s plaid shirt is giving me Evermore vibes and it’s too much for my tiny mind to handle.
Good day to everyone except Jake Gyllenhaal. There I said it.
The iPhone 4. The attention to detail never stops and I feel like I’m in a fever dream.
The kitchen scene. Full stop. “I don’t even remember the moment you’re talking about” WELL YOU SHOULD.
The Champagne Problems lyric crossover (“Because I dropped your hand while dancing / Left you out there standing / Crestfallen on the landing / Champagne problems.”) has me feeling personally attacked.
“I think you’re making yourself feel that way”- the gaslighting is astounding.
When I said I wanted to relate to a Taylor Swift song this wasn’t what I meant.
Hand them an Oscar right now. I will die on this hill.
Dancing round the kitchen in the refrigerator light IS beautiful, side note.
Is there significance to this newspaper? Did people still do crosswords in 2010?
‘The Breaking Point’ title scene at 07.40, sir I reached my breaking point with you before the video even started.
Salty tears are overflowing.
Is anyone else’s chest tight watching this break up scene helplessly?
I REMEMBER IT ALL TOO WELLLLLLLL.
I’m the only crumpled up piece of paper around here BC OF THIS VIDEO.
“Weeping in a party bathroom”: Future me after singing All Too Well at every karaoke party I’m ever invited to.
*Runs to Swiftok to find out which actress comforted Taylor in the bathroom*
Has anyone ever had a birthday they don’t feel sad during, anyway?
I hope every birthday you’ve had since 21 has been filled with joy and cats, Taylor. You f*cking deserve it.
The Lover parallels here are enough to melt the coldest hearts. Thank GOD for Joe Alwyn.
The fairy lights turning on over Sadie’s bed as she wallows is simply poetry.
19 and 30 really is a big age gap, huh.
“I get older but your lovers stay my age” SING IT BLONDIE.
Taylor. Has. Red. Hair.
The feminine urge to cancel all my plans for the rest of the year and watch this video on repeat is growing by the second.
“And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue?”. Yes. My soul is split in two.
A BOOK?????
I swear if this woman has a debut novel coming I will never sleep again.
When you realise the chapter titles throughout the film are Easter eggs for how she becomes an author at the end. Mind BLOWN.
All The Christmas Decorations We’re Decking Our Halls With This Year
Whether your Christmas decoration stash is bursting at the glittery seams or your new home or university halls are looking sparse without an injection of festive decor, keep scrolling to browse the best of the best Christmas decorations Team Zoella will be adding to their homes this year.
Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la, la la la la!
As the 1st of Dec approaches and the socially acceptable date for being truly excited about Christmas arrives, so does the opportunity to add shiny, new decorations to your collection in the process of transforming your home from tip to toe in festive magic. And whilst the nostalgia of pulling the same, well-loved decorations from the (slightly damp) boxes that clutter your attic for 99% of the year is a tradition that never gets old, there’s also something very special about growing your Christmas decoration collection year on year with additions that remind you of that time in your life. After all, 2021 was memorable for far better reasons than the 365 days prior.
Whether your Christmas decoration stash is bursting at the glittery seams or your new home or university halls are looking sparse without an injection of festive decor, keep scrolling to browse the best of the best Christmas decorations Team Zoella will be adding to their homes this year. Featuring Oliver Bonas, M&S, The White Company, Ferm Living and Anthropologie, get ready to feel truly inspired.
Maddie
I am so excited to spend our first Christmas period in our house, I felt so robbed of it last year as our building works took longer than expected. My new Balsam Hill tree stayed sad in its box for a whole year and I am far too excited to finally put it up, the sooner the better. It’s also my daughters first Christmas which makes it doubly special and I can’t wait to hang her first stocking up, put wreaths on the door and make some new traditions together, might even consider a light-up reindeer…!
This will be the first time I’ve properly decorated for Christmas as it’s the first in our new home and I can’t bloody wait. My theme for decs is ‘novelty chic’ with lots of pink pops. Kicking things off with the pièce de résistance of any Christmas coffee table, The White Company Winter candle! This acts as both a lovely festive decoration and obviously a deliciously scented candle all at once, they are such a joy to burn. Then I’ve picked a couple of gorgeous tree decorations from Anthropologie in my ideal colours, a fun rainbow and snail! I’ve also picked this gorgeous frosted tree from Antrho as well as this lovely little pot from H&M, I’m going to use them on a windowsill (would look great on a mantle) to add another festive touch.
The countdown to 1st December is ON and I can’t wait to get the flat looking festive. As much as I love seeing how cool all the novelty decorations look in other people’s homes, I’m a stickler for traditional colour schemes. I’m going to decorate the mantlepiece with paper trees and bunting and then leave the tree quite sparse with twinkly lights and a few paper decs in white and deep Burgundy scattered in. Might even leave him naked.
I love decorating for Christmas and this year I’ve changed my vibe a bit, I’ve just fallen quite in love with novelty / eclectic Christmas decor as it’s so fun and vibrant. Oliver Bonas have some lovely bits, like this fabric tassel garland and blue velvet Christmas sack which is just gorgeous. M&S are great for affordable novelty baubles too, they have little pink toadstool decorations which I think are so bloody cute and will look amazing on the tree.
This year is the first Christmas that I’m in my new flat and I’m so excited to see the festivities take shape! I love maximalist everything so a chic or Scandi theme wouldn’t be me whatsoever- the bolder and brighter the better! I’ve gone for a fun mix of novelty and colourful tree decorations (of course with a pig tree topper, duh) and I personally love the eclectic look of all of these together. I’ve never bought anything from Ferm Living but I hear so much about it and they have such a fab selection of Christmas bits that are a bit more grown up too, so I’ll probs mix and match!
My Christmas decs don’t go up until 5th December (after my birthday) but I do already have everything prepared. We always get our tree from a lovely family run business on the outskirts of Brighton. Then I’ve just tried to go as overboard as possible, more is more as the well known saying goes. Give me all the foliage, all the colours and every tacky ornament you can find, including the handmade ones!
