Between You and Me Part 21 coming in hot! This month sees us chatting commitment issues and the seven-year itch (read: 3-4 years in this case), dream jobs that just so happen to feel a lot like hell, dipping your toes back into dating post-pandemic, boyfriend separation anxiety and keeping sex exciting whilst dealing with sexual trauma and vaginismus.

If you’ve got a lot on your plate at the moment and need to get it off your chest, drop us an email at betweenyouandme@zoella.co.uk – because sometimes it’s just easier to share it with strangers on the internet than with those closest to you.

Charlotte

Hello lovely! As both an SA victim and someone who experiences Vulvodynia on a daily basis I read this and just felt SO MUCH empathy and love for you. Firstly, you are so strong. I really hope you’re able to acknowledge that. And secondly, you’re doing a fabulous, fabulous job- I promise. Okay, let’s get down to the nitty gritty!

It can be really hard to find things that feel good whilst also being safe for you when you’ve got these health and trauma issues to consider, but don’t fear because there truly is so much you can explore on this journey to feeling empowered and positive in the bedroom both alone and with a partner. First off, have you experimented with toys at all? They’re not only great to help you feel 10/10 on your own (which can sometimes be a good first step if you’re anxious with a partner touching you) but are also a fun way for you and your boyfriend to explore pleasure together in a new way. Brands like Smile Makers, Biird and Love Honey are amazing and have so much to offer that doesn’t require penetration as I know that can be tricky when it comes to Vaginismus sometimes.

Masturbating together with your boyfriend could also be incredible and empower you to take back a bit of control in touching yourself and reconnecting with your body whilst also both having a good time. Maybe watch some Normal People or Bridgerton (or check out our ethical porn post for GR8 website recommendations!) and get touchy in bed together- it could even be good foreplay before easing into sex if you’re feeling able on that day! Here’s a few other things you could try to spice things up that would hopefully feel safe for you:

• A sensual/sexy bath or shower together. I’m thinking oils, massages and bubbles.
• Explore other parts of each other’s body that feel safer, for example your boobs, neck kissing or even massaging your back can be v v sexyyyy.
• Have some fun with food e.g. chocolate icing or ice cream (temperature play too!) and tongues- a winner for all involved.
• Butt stuff. Side eye emoji. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it!

I hope this helps lovely and remember you are whole exactly as you are.

Darcey

Hi anon!

Thank you so much for writing in, I think this is a great question that I know many people struggle with. Also, you are so bloody strong, and I hope you know that!

I struggle with psychosomatic issues with sex, just due to not feeling like I’ve had the most enjoyable experiences and body image has always played a part too, so I can understand from a vaginismus point of view as I can experience pain during sex which can make penetration not possible / difficult. I think finding what you like on your own first could be super empowering for you, are you experienced at all in using toys? I think clitoral stimulant only toys are good for people who don’t enjoy / can’t do penetration. Smile Makers have a really great range which really focus on clitoral pleasure, I think knowing our own bodies is so essential to having great sex with partners. If you are an experienced toy user and are thinking “I know all this already” ha, then I reckon explore different areas of your body that feel comfortable but pleasurable. We have so many different spots on the body which can give us pleasure; neck, ears, feet, hands, inner thighs, the list goes on! Maybe explore this yourself and then get your boyfriend involved when you have figured out what feels good and safe and what doesn’t?

Different forms of sexual stimulants (lol) like audio porn are good to try too! Quinn is a good app and it’s proven that most women prefer audio porn to video porn as we like to use our imagination more. You could even listen together and maybe see what it provokes? Masturbating together is a great way to enjoy sex together while feeling comfortable as well especially with your past sexual trauma, feeling comfortable and safe is most important over anyone else’s sexual pleasure. I think just experiment, experiment, experiment (with things you are comfortable doing of course!). Sex is so different for so many people and I think that’s the beauty in it as it can be so personal between you and your partner, finding what works best for you both as a pair. I hope this sparks some inspo for you! All the best, Darcey Xx

Danielle

Heya! I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this inner turmoil, not knowing whether or not you are ready for taking that commitment to the next level can be torture. What’s the rush with getting married? I understand if your partner is extremely set on it, but have you thought that could be the blocker you’re trying to avoid? Maybe getting married and committing yourself to just one person doesn’t really jive with you and that’s ok. I think far too much pressure is put on us to have one relationship for the rest of our lives but maybe you’re more suited to short-term partners? Or perhaps you might consider being on your own for a bit, finding your own happiness and then you can find whomever you like attractive! It must be frustrating to feel like you’re stuck in a rut but perhaps it’s becoming a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy that you think it’s going to happen so it does. How would you feel if your partner broke up with you tomorrow? Would you be ok seeing them go, or heartbroken? It sounds like you’re getting bored, maybe you need to be a bit more open and honest with your current partner and work at the relationship, it seems like that’s the person that stands to get hurt the most through all of this, and having a string of broken-hearted partners behind you, it might be worth getting some therapy and have them help you re-frame a few things in your relationships.

Lareese

Hello lovely,

If the issue is simply finding other people attractive, I don’t think it’s that deep. You’re always going to appreciate a good-looking person, regardless of whether you’re single or in a relationship that’s just the fundamentals of being a social creature. However, if it becomes more than a fleeting thought and you’re thinking about acting on those feelings and being unfaithful, then that’s probably a bit of a red flag. I guess you really need to take a deep dive into these doubts and figure out where they’re coming from, particularly as you’ve had this 3 – 4 year itch before. Perhaps it’s marriage thing that’s throwing you off and you’re not ready to take that step, or maybe monogamy just isn’t for you and after a few back-to-back serious relationships, you need to have some single fun for a while to explore other things. That said, like friendships, every relationship takes work, you have to be intentional about keeping things fresh and exciting and not just assume it will tend to itself. It’s also very possible that you haven’t met your person yet! Only you can get to the bottom of why you’re stuck in this rut but better to be honest with yourself and your partner because all the while you’re feeling like this, you’ve emotionally checked out of your relationship anyway. Best of luck with whatever you decide my love! Life’s too short to be stuck in something that doesn’t set your soul on fire, whether it’s a job, a relationship or a situationship xx

Maddie

Hey, thanks for your message and opening up about how you’re feeling. It’s been such a tough couple of years hasn’t it. The multiple lockdowns and isolation periods that we’ve all been through have been such a mental struggle and I think it’s completely normal that you’re feeling like you might be ready for a relationship having gone through all of that without the support of a partner. In fact i think it’s highly possible that the pandemic has expedited your want for a relationship because it’s been such an isolating time. The positives are that the world does seem to be opening up again, all of the things you said you enjoyed before are possible now and i would encourage you to go back to doing the things you love if you feel safe to do so. 26 is still incredibly young and you have so much life ahead of you to find the perfect partner. Although i know it’s easier said than done, try to not think of it as “searching” for someone, the more you get out there and enjoy life the more chances you will have to meeting someone new and sparking new relationships. You will not be alone forever, situations and circumstances change in a matter of days and there will be millions of other people feeling the exact way you’re feeling now, ready to meet someone new. I hope you find what you’re looking for, lots of love, M.

Darcey

Hi anon! Thank you for writing in and I can really empathise with you as someone who is also single and liking the idea of dating, but worried about Covid and living with vulnerable people, it’s a real tricky area isn’t it! Also very much agree that socialising can be exhausting, and it feels like people are just out and about 24/7 now. Also ditto on dating apps (are we the same person? Lol) I don’t particularly like them either, especially Tinder, why do we even bother on there because I truly don’t think I’ll be finding a future partner on that app!

I totally get the wanting to have a partner, especially after these last few years when times have been super isolating. I think though if you are feeling anxious about covid still maybe taking some time to focus on you would be good? You said before covid you were happily single and enjoying doing stuff on your own, I wonder if maybe trying to get back to that place again first (with covid in the mix now) would be beneficial. Maybe not gigs or large events, but museums etc! Finding yourself again after these crazy two years might be a good steppingstone, especially if you’d rather meet someone a bit more organically. What I do know is, you won’t be alone forever! You’ll find someone, I think a lot of single people feel like covid has delayed them meeting someone, but it will happen.

One dating app I can (just about) bear is Hinge, I find it is way nicer than Tinder which feels a bit like a looks contest, Hinge has prompts with talking points and I’d say a large majority of people on there are looking for relationships and not just hook-ups. You can also say if you are vaccinated or not so maybe dating people you know are fully vaccinated might make you more comfortable? Covid is an ever-changing situation and I totally appreciate how dating can feel scary when living with vulnerable people, I think just consider that if dating and meeting new people is making you anxious, maybe now isn’t the right time. That’s not to say though that in a few months that could all change, but I know for me I’ve concluded dating just isn’t for me now. You’ll find that happiness one day, I’m sure of it. All the best, Darcey Xx

Danielle

Hello love, it sounds like you’re having a really rough time with it but I want you to know you’ll get through this, and even though work is such a big part of our lives, as soon as you move on from this job it’ll be a distant memory. I’ve had my fair share of toxic work environments and yours sounds extremely familiar, it’s such an old school terrible way of doing business where people at the bottom need to earn their stripes doing grunt work before anyone takes them seriously. Now I’ll admit an entry-level marketing job might be more admin based than you’d hoped, but you should still feel like you can make a change and submit ideas without being mocked or made to feel like you shouldn’t. Personally, I would get a new job ASAP. Search high and low for another marketing role and get out as soon as you can, I know you probably feel like your confidence has had a huge knock, but you got this job and you can get another. Don’t rush into thinking every company will be like yours, you just need to find the right one for you, sometimes things don’t work out and your family will understand that. You want to get to a point where you’re happy enough in your day job you can start your passion project again, and I really think you’ll get there! On a slightly different note, you might want to consider working in content and social media, it’s a little more hands-on, you’d be able to hone your photography and video skills whilst doing your day job and you’ll also be getting the marketing side of things as you build strategies for platforms and ads, just a path worth exploring if you’re seeking a new opportunity!

Lareese

Hello lovely,

Well doesn’t this sound like quite the little toxic work environment. I’m sorry to hear you’re having a time of it, that sounds horrendous. No wonder you’re feeling stressed and exhausted. No one wants to be in a job where they feel like they’re constantly walking on eggshells and every idea you put forward is shot down for no apparent reason.

If you’re feeling like this after two months, I think that’s a pretty good indication that this isn’t the role for you. If I were you, I would sit tight for a few months if you can purely to bide your time and work on this side hustle photography business whilst you’re still financially sound. Get that ball rolling whilst you’re still in this role so that you can chuck your notice in and get the hell out of there. As for your family – they will quickly get over any expectations they had of this dream job for you, especially if they know it’s impacting your mental and physical health. No job is worth that! Let’s be frank, it’s turned out to be the opposite of a dream job and they wouldn’t want to see you sticking it out purely because they were excited and had high hopes for your new venture. They will be proud of you for standing your ground, knowing your worth and being true to yourself. Get working on that business plan, pal. You’ve got this!

Maddie

Hello! Thanks so much for sharing how you’re feeling- I think it’s really great that you’ve been able the pinpoint and understand these feelings and actually used the word ‘attached’ because that’s a really helpful way to look at it and understand the bond you have with your boyfriend. If you haven’t already heard of attachment styles then it might be something to have a Google about, but essentially it’s the different ways we relate and connect with other people and is particularly relevant when it comes to romantic relationships. Past experiences, relationships and particularly our childhood history can impact the type of attachment style we have, and can lead some people to have a more anxious or insecure attachment which means we rely on other people for the stability we can’t find within ourself and place a bigger emphasis on the role they play for us. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing and often makes us really big and bold with our love and the people we want to spend time with, but it might explain why you feel so connected and whole when you’re with your partner and so sad when he’s gone.

As Maddie also highlighted I do think it’s totally normal to miss your partner and crave time together when you love them, because that’s what being in love is all about, but if you can make some little changes and implement habits that encourage more inner stability and happiness I think it would make the world of difference for you. Make plans during the time you know you’ll be apart from your boyfriend so you’re not moping around, connect with old (or new!) friends, fill up your social calendar and spend some time reconnecting with how whole you are as an individual, without the need for anyone else too. It’s always lovely spending time with people you adore but being able to enjoy time alone is so valuable and will get you such a long way. I used to be exactly the same when I had a boyfriend and would want to experience everything together, but since being single I’ve realised the value I have as an individual and all that I can achieve and feel on my own too. Jo Westwood aka The Codependency Coach on Insta is GREAT for learning more about this and making some positive daily habits feel achievable. You got this girl, I promise!

Maddie

Hi lovely, thanks for your question and for taking the time to write to us. I think what you’re experiencing is perfectly normal. Missing someone you care about and feeling sad when they’re not around is a sign that you genuinely really love spending time with them. Time also tends to fly when you’re having fun, another sign that you’re enjoying your relationship which is positive. What it sounds like you need to work on is enjoying the things that don’t involve your boyfriend so that you don’t feel so lost without him being around. I think sometimes we can get so caught up in a relationship that you stop focusing on yourself and what makes you happy outside of that. Think about what made you happy before your relationship started. Was it spending time with your friends/family, a hobby, passion or interest etc. It’s very easy to forget some of those things when you fall in love as all your attention and free time focuses in on one person which can leave you to feel a bit empty when they’re not around. If I were you i would work on the other things outside of your relationship a bit more, the more time and energy you spend on yourself and not just your boyfriend the more content you will feel when you are apart. I hope you start to feel better soon!

Whilst there are many, many reasons to look forward to the hygge thirst trap that is: autumn, getting reacquainted with our telebox is right up there at numero uno. Ditching all open-air plans for the feel-good candlelit glow of Hogwarts and the treasured rom coms we’ve seen 184 times (what of it?) is exactly what this time of year was designed for. 

A feel-good watch list is an absolute necessity on those chilly fall evenings spent swaddled in your dressing gown but if you’re not quite ready for Hocus Pocus and hot water bottles just yet, these seasonal on-screen gems should get you in the mood. Featuring timeless cult classics, heart-warming animations and leafy scenes aplenty, pour yourself a hot toddy and nestle in for the foreseeable future with these cosy flicks. Bye, bye social life, hello hibernation station!  

1. Waitress (2007)

Give me the synopsis: 

We haven’t had a pie film this good since… well, American Pie but this is a pie strictly without the penis. The film follows Jenna Hunterson, a waitress and pie-baking genius who works in a diner in a small southern town. An unwanted pregnancy changes the events in her life and with the help of her friends, she finds the courage and confidence to start afresh. 

What’s so autumn about it: 

It’s a rom-com pie. If that doesn’t sell it to you, we can’t be pals. 

2. Practical Magic (1998)

Give me the synopsis:

Based on the Alice Hoffman book of the same name, Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman star in this pro-witch cult classic about a family of witches, navigating love, life & midnight margarita magic. 

What’s so autumn about it:  

Hard magic and feminism is always in season, plus Sally (Sandra Bullock) lights a candle with her breath. What more do you need? 

3. Autumn in New York (2000)

Give me the synopsis:  

An autumnal rom-com – clue’s in the name – starring Richard Gere and Winona Ryder. He plays a fancy-schmancy restaurateur (read: 48-year-old playboy), who falls for a terminally ill woman half his age. Insider’s tip, you will get something in your eye and only ice cream can fix it. 

What’s so autumn about it: 

Manhattan is the main character. 

4. Mona Lisa Smile (2003) 

Give me the synopsis: 

Julia Roberts stars as a free-thinking Art History teacher at the conservative Wellesley College in this period film set in 1950s New England. She sets out to empower her pupils and inspire them to challenge the outdated roles they’re expected to play in society. 

What’s so autumn about it: 

Great costumes, back-to-school vibes and New England in her best fall finery. 

5. Paddington (2014) 

Give me the synopsis: 

Crack open the jar of marmalade because this endearing film/s is the stuff of fluffy Seville Orange dreams. A warm-hearted live action comedy that follows the many misadventures of a young Wellington boot, red bucket-hat-wearing bear in the big city. 

What’s so autumn about it: 

Prime feel-good hibernation viewing. Watch it swiftly followed by the *elite* second movie.

6. Fantastic Mr Fox (2009)

Give me the synopsis:

This adaptation of Roald Dahl’s children’s book is a downright loveable watch for the whole family. Mr Fox (voiced by George Clooney) pledges to give up his wild chicken-thieving ways when he becomes a father but when he realises what’s available at the farms across the field, he can’t resist his animal instincts. Cue the game of cat and mouse or fox and farmer! Truly chef’s kiss entertainment for a rainy day in October. 

What’s so autumn about it: 

Wes Anderson got his paws on the colour palette. Need we say more? Pure animated JOY.

7. Sweet Home Alabama (2002) 

Give me the synopsis:

Successful New York fashion designer and bride-to-be Melanie Carmichael (Reese Witherspoon) returns home to Alabama to get her first hot husband to sign the divorce papers but upon seeing her ex, she starts to feel things for him all over again…

What’s so autumn about it: 

A childhood sweetheart story for cuffing season? Groundbreaking. 

8. Hocus Pocus (1993) 

Give me the synopsis:

It’s not October without the Sanderson sisters, that creepy Come Little Children soundtrack and Thackery White Shirt Hottie Binx. 

Max, a curious young boy who moves to Salem with his family, lights the black flame candle and brings three famous witches, Winnie, Sarah and Mary, back from the dead. Gulp. With the help of a magical cat (embodied with the soul of White Shirt Hottie) they must retrieve the witches’ spell book by sunrise to stop them from becoming immortal and reigning terror over Salem forever more. 

What’s so autumn about it? 

Halloween but make it cosy. 

9. You’ve Got Mail (1998) 

Give me the synopsis:

It’s not autumn until Tom Hanks says, “don’t cry shopgirl, don’t cry”. Independent bookstore owner Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) starts up an *anonymous* internet romance with none other than her business rival, Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), owner of corporate superchain Fox Books. Eventually, Joe discovers Shopgirl’s true identity and must decide what to do about the blossoming romance between them. Will these online lovers, offline enemies be able to put aside their differences for l-o-v-e? 

What’s so autumn about it? 

Came here for the dial up nostalgia, stayed for the absolute autumn SCENES. It will make you want to roll in a pile of leaves. Thank you, Nora Ephron. Thank you. 

10. Dead Poets Society (1989) 

Give me the synopsis:

A new English teacher, John Keating, played by the king of feel-good Robin Williams, shakes up the private school lesson plans and inspires his pupils to realise their dreams with contemporary teachings of poetry in this coming-of-age gem. 

What’s so autumn about it? 

It eats Seasonal Affective Disorder for breakfast. 

11. Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone (2001) 

Give me the synopsis:

This film needs no introduction. The first time we meet an eleven-year-old bespectacled boy wizard as he sets off for Hogwarts will always have a special place in our hearts. Pour yourself a pumpkin juice and bask in the joy of John Williams’ magical soundtrack. He is a wizard of the highest order. 

What’s so autumn about it? 

Halloween in the Great Hall, duh. 

12. Coco (2019)

Give me the synopsis: 

Despite his family’s generations-old ban on music, Miguel, a 12-year-old Mexican boy dreams of becoming an accomplished musician, just like his idol Ernesto de la Cruz. Desperate to prove his talent, Miguel finds himself transported to the Land of the Dead where he reconciles with his family’s past and learns all about his musical roots. 

What’s so autumn about it? 

The all-singing all-dancing skeletons. 

13. Good Will Hunting (1997) 

Give me the synopsis: 

This psychological drama follows Will Hunting (Matt Damon), a caretaker cleaning floors at a prestigious college in Boston and a secret mathematical genius. When he solves a difficult math problem, Professor Gerald Lambeau discovers his gift and offers to help the misguided youth reach his full potential, on the condition that he seeks help from therapist Sean Maguire (Robin Williams). The bromance will turn your bottom lip to jelly. 

What’s so autumn about it? 

Leaves (and tears) for days. Your move, chief.

14. Cruella (2021) 

Give me the synopsis: 

Emma Stone plays an aspiring designer first known as Estella in this live-action punk prequel about the dog-napping villain, Cruella de Vil. Penniless and orphaned, Estella and her sidekicks, Horace and Jasper, run wild around London where they come up against the owner of the iconic couture company House of Baroness, expertly portrayed by Emma Thompson. Cue the fashion face-off. 

What’s so autumn about it? 

Gorgeous atmospheric London scenes & all the Halloween /Fall fashion inspo. Put the garbage dress in the V&A museum at once. 

15. Enola Holmes (2020)

Give me the synopsis: 

Stranger Things actress Millie Bobby Brown stars as the title character in this female-led Netflix Original movie about the younger sister of famous detective, Sherlock Holmes. While searching for her missing mother, she outwits her brother and becomes entangled in another mystery with the young runaway Viscount Tewkesbury. A glorious romp through 19^thcentury England ensues.

What’s so autumn about it?

The captivating cinematography makes it the perfect movie to hunker down with when it’s blowing a gale outside. 

‘Tis the season for meandering through orange fields of joy (also known as the humble pumpkin patch) and embracing everything nature has to offer in the most magical season change of the year. Whether it be as part of a Blair Waldorf worthy pumpkin pie, to carve alongside a mulled cider, or simply to grab a pic for the ‘gram (no judgement here), dressing for your trip to the farm is peak autumn goals if we ever did see it.

Pantone called and they want their autumn colour swatches back, because if you’re not channelling the rust/sage/orange and chocolate shades whilst strutting the muddy trenches of your local PYO patch then you’re doing it wrong. Sorry, we don’t make the rules. Keep scrolling to see the outfits Team Zoella are going to be rocking this season whilst pushing a wheelbarrow of vegetable goodness. Alexa: play Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood.

Charlotte

Pumpkin picking is an autumn rite of passage and I am SO here for it. Pumpkin carving, not so much, but a wholesome walk around a gorgeous field of orange deliciousness is a big fat yes from me. I’ve gone for quite a dressy ‘fit as I’m imagining it transferring into a brunch and let’s be real, autumnal drinks (aka any drink in the cooler months) which I feel like a blazer is always perfect for. I ADORE this scarf from Ganni and am prepared to eat beans on toast for the rest of the year to own it. Finish off with some chunky boots and it’s the perfect farming outfit!

*Mango, Houndstooth wool-blend blazer, £69.99 | Na-kd, Organic Wide Leg High Waisted Denim, £40.95 | Plumo, FLASH GREEN SCARF BY GANNI, £149 | *Stradivarius, High neck sweater, £15.99 | *Ego, CHUNKY CLEATED SOLE ANKLE BOOT, £69.99

Lareese

I made the mistake of wearing Converse to a pumpkin patch a few years back and they didn’t see Christmas so I won’t be doing that again. This year, I’m sticking to appropriate footwear with a pair of glorified wellington boots teamed with brown dungies, 70s florals and a cosy fleece to keep me warm when I’m out there fondling the gourds.

Pull & Bear, FADED LONG DENIM DUNGAREES, £29.99 | Pull & Bear, FLORAL PRINT TULLE T-SHIRT, £14.99 | Zara, RUBBERISED FLAT BOOTS, £59.99 | *ASOS, Daisy Street Plus boxy fit colour block fleece, £35

Darcey

I absolutely love going pumpkin picking! I usually stay clear of anything white or light coloured, especially in the UK when it’s likely to be rainy and muddy. This year I’ll probably wear some black jeans and turtleneck, paired with a big comfy gilet and some sturdy boots like Dr Martens. I usually go pretty light on the clothing cause stomping around the field lifting pumps ends up actually being a pretty good workout ha!

*H&M, Padded gilet, £34.99 | *Mango, High-waist cropped straight jeans, £35.99 | *ASOS, ultimate turtle neck in black, £12 | *ASOS, Dr Martens Sinclair boots in black, £189

Maddie

I cannot wait for pumpkin picking this year, one thing I’ve learnt and will make sure I don’t get wrong this year is wearing the right footwear is crucial. I always end up covered in mud and freezing when I visit a PYO pumpkin patch, probably because I always spend ages deciding on the perfect one. Layers and lots of warm accessories are my friends! I just bought these north face boots and I’m obsessed, I’d pair them with some nice leggings, a big cosy jumper and a classic parka jacket.

*The North Face, WOMEN’S THERMOBALL™ LACE-UP BOOTS, £100 | *John Lewis, hush Sadie Parka Coat, Khaki, £175 | *ASOS, adidas Originals Essentials Leggings in Black, £23 | Next, Emma Willis Premium Wool High Neck Jumper, £68

Danielle

I’ve gone for cool and cosy with this outfit. Straight leg leather trousers are a bit edgy and much more interesting than jeans. Best hoodies are from Future self, so so warm and soft, I’d wear this with a khaki jacket so it just looks cream with a pop of blue poking out at the sleeve. Finish it off with a pair of Veja trainers that will last you right through to super cold boot season and they haven’t been out of style for years!

*Mango, Leather-effect elastic waist trousers, £35.99 | *Mango, Satin quilted jacket, £59.99 | *Net-A-Porter, VEJA leather sneakers, £90 | *Future Self, Slogan Hoodie in Blue, £58

Holly

My nephews are roping me into taking them pumpkin picking this year which means I’ll need to have very practical clothing, ready to run after a 4-year-old when he tried to eat snails, so I’ll be going pretty casual. Black jeans and a rusty jumper I think for the ultimate autumnal feel. Indestructible boots and a big ol’ scarf to wrap more pumpkins in when we fill up the wheelbarrow.

Charles & Keith, Lace-Up Ankle Boots – Black, £89 | Accessorize, Wells supersoft blanket scarf grey, £19 | *Monki, Cropped knit sweater, £25 | *Debenhams, Boohoo Plus High Waist Skinny Jeans, £20

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First off, how are you and how is your 2021 going?

We are so excited to welcome our visitors back to Tulleys. The year has been brilliant for us so far kicking off with sunflowers and now with Halloween in full swing with both Shocktober Fest and our pumpkin fields now open.

Can you tell us about Tulleys Farm and its history?

My Great Grandfather Bernard Beare started farming in 1911. My grandparents Denis & Marion Beare took the farm in the direction of traditional PYO business in the early 1970’s it soon became one of the biggest PYO farms in the UK, growing 40 different crops over 120 acres. My Dad Stuart joined the farm in 1991 and converted the farm into more of an entertainment venue, creating immersive seasonal family events with the intention of bringing people together. I have always had involvement in the farm since a young age, I was even once a scare actor. Once I graduated from ag college I joined the farm as hayride manager, I am now operations manager for Pumpkins and sunflowers

How long have you been running ‘Shocktoberfest’ and what’s it all about?

Shocktober fest has been running for 25 years and started with quite a humble beginning with 1 haunted house and a small amount of pumpkins, the event has now grown into Europes largest Halloween event featuring 9 live attractions, street theatre, 2 live music stages, 2 bars, circus show and fairground rides. Every year we attract 450,000 visitors.

What else does Tulleys have to offer year-round?

All year round we have our award-winning escape rooms, where you have 1 hour to escape from a themed room you can choose between ghosts, witches, pirates or even gangsters. We also have seasonal events including our family Christmas event with a real ice rink and PYO sunflowers and pumpkins.

Obviously the last 18 months have been really tough on the events industry, how did you manage over the lockdowns?

During lockdown we created the UK’s first drive-thru farm shop where visitors could order and collect delicious local food without leaving their cars. We also created the drive-in cinema, which proved to be a huge hit. So we kept ourselves and our visitors busy.

What’s next for Tulley’s Farm?

My lips are sealed however we have some very exciting things planned for 2022

A lot of people are about to start purchasing their pumpkins, what’s the benefit of going to a PYO?

If you haven’t visited a PYO pumpkin farm, I would strongly suggest you add this to your bucket list. You really to experience a visit to understand how magical it is.

Can you tell us about your PYO pumpkin nights?

We took inspiration for pumpkin nights from the states, the night consists of pumpkin picking but underneath the moonlight, we also have live actors who interact with visitors, live music and of course delicious food and a cocktail bar.

We were lucky enough to head to Tulley’s for the drive-in cinema last Christmas, what else do you have planned for the festive period?

We are excited to be bringing back our traditional family Christmas event and we know our guests are also excited!

There’s no doubt that as the leaves turn a Harry Styles approved shade of golden and the morning air feels crisper as the days trundle by, the need for an extra layer increases quicker than a box of Celebrations stays full on Xmas morning. 

If you’re not ready to say goodbye to your summer dresses and midi skirts then look no further, because with the right layering pieces on hand, anything is possible (well, almost anything). Add under band tees or strappy dresses and expand your cool weather wardrobe tenfold by coordinating or mismatching thin knits, turtlenecks or long sleeve tees till your hearts content, all whilst staying smugly warm in the process. And for the days when comfort is the ultimate priority (e.g. every day), chuck a new-in or well loved knit over your favourite summer smock and embrace all things bold and baggy- sometimes you need an entirely shapeless ‘fit and we ain’t judging ya for it. 

Including picks from some of our fave brands including Monki, Boden, Sezane and Reformation, consider your autumnal wardrobe levelled up.

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Hygge: a quality of cosiness and comfortable conviviality that engenders a feeling of contentment or well-being (regarded as a defining characteristic of Danish culture).

It’s autumn baby and the time for cosy nights in front of Strictly Come Dancing ft. pie, mash and a glass of red are truly upon us! Summer might have felt like a flash in the pan but even those who crave their hit of Vit D the most must admit there’s something about the move into the cooler months that feels nostalgic, comforting and maybe like the time for rest and recuperation we need after a hectic few months. 2020 saw us (forcibly) make the most of the sanctuaries we created within our four walls, and this year’s autumn season feels like a true celebration of that too (but with the option to head to Spoons on an evening if we like, thank goodness).

Earthy neutrals, statement vases, dried flowers, textured fabrics, houseplants and vintage-inspired decor are just a few of the 2021 interior trends set to stand the test of time this season, so if you’re itching for a change in your space then look no further- sometimes a change is as good as a rest!

Keep scrolling to see team Zoella’s autumn refresh picks and keep an eye on our Insta Stories to see them in situ!

Maddie

I’m obsessed with interiors and any excuse to buy new things and tell my husband it’s for an essential seasonal refresh I AM IN. Autumn is all about getting cosy isn’t it so I usually head straight to Homesense and heals and pile on the candles as high as I can carry. Cushions and throws go a long way to making any room feel warmer and when in doubt a duvet update never fails to give a room a completely different feel.

Dunelm, Dottie Butterscotch Duvet Cover Set, £10 | *La Redoute, Lara Cotton Duvet Cover, £25 | Heals, Frankincense & Pine Short Pillar Candle, £18 | Heals, Winter Spice Tall Pillar Candle With Botanicals, £20 | *H&M, Waffled cotton blanket, £12.99 | The Tartan Blanket Co, Recycled Wool Knee Blanket, £40 | Not On The High Street, SUNDAY’S DAUGHTER, Hey There Pumpkin Velvet Cushion, £35

Danielle

I don’t go in for much pumpkin paraphernalia this time of year, I’m just not organised enough to get it all out and store it etc. But I DO love anything that brings warmth into the home and tbh I’m quite happy to skip straight to Christmas (sue me!) The best thing to get a home a little cosier is adding, texture which is why I’m thinking about investing in a rug for my living room – even though it’s carpeted – to add another layer of texture and a warmer cream to the room. Next up is a pussy willow wreath, this is so gorgeous for autumn and will take me right up until I get my Christmas one on the door. It’s never too early to start burning a White Company Winter candle, the festive scent to end all scents! A bedspread for all you normal people who only have one duvet and don’t change togs for winter. A lovely lamp that would go PERFECTLY in my living room, lamp light is the best light, it makes everything feel softer, death to the ‘big light’!

*La Redoute, Afaw Berber-Style Rug, £95 | *The White Company, Pussy Willow Wreath, £58 | *The White Company, Winter Signature Candle, £20 | *Oliver Bonas, Moe Printed Quilted Olive Green Velvet Bedspread, £155 | *Oliver Bonas, Green Recycled Glass Table & Desk Lamp Large, £125

Holly

I don’t normally care much for seasonal homeware but this year something in me has switched. I think a bit of a shitty summer has me yearning for the crisper evenings and I am READY. My whole house is going to be ‘pumpkined’. From the front door to the bedroom. I’ve got my eye on the cutest doormat because I call people pumpkin all year round so will keep this there forever. A warm orange throw to wrap around me during spooky films season and some other trinkets for the subtle but very much present autumnal theme.

Dunelm, Amelia Fleece 200cm x 200cm Throw, £18 | Next, Pumpkin Cookware, £24 | *Etsy, BalterStore, Hey There Pumpkin Door Mat, £25 | *Matalan, Framed Moon Canvas Print, £25

Darcey

I love adding some seasonal touches to my space and I especially enjoy this around Autumn/Winter. Firstly, can plants count as an interior refresh? Because I recently got a Calathea plant from Patch and I am obsessed with how much it adds to my bedroom because its leaves are so beautiful! New bedding is a must in Autumn too, I am really liking earthy tones at the moment and loved this sage green duvet set from Habitat. New candles this time of the year are essential too, they just make every room so cosy. I found some swirled candles on Etsy in lovely green and orange tones which I think would really compliment a lot of spaces, also found some pumpkin shaped candles in a pumpkin spice scent, I needed absolutely zero convincing to purchase those!

Patch Plants, Juliette, £22 | H&M, Block-coloured cushion cover, £12.99 | *Etsy, BeelightCandleCrafts, Spiral Candle Sticks, £3.58 | *Etsy, Kikobay, Pumpkin Halloween homemade candles, £16.95 | Habitat, Habitat Country Hideaway Linen Look Bedding Set, £30

Charlotte

I’ve really gone to town in spending on clothes over the summer and now I’m craving investing into my space a bit more. I’m lucky to have quite a big bedroom in my rented flat but the carpet is seriously not the one so I’ve been wanting a big rug since I moved in back in April. I’ve seen the Berber Stuff ones all over my Instagram this year and although they’re super spenny I think I’m going to bite the bullet and do it- eek! We know by now I’m a maximalist style lover through and through so my other picks are equally as fun and ‘out there’, the most pressing of which is the disco ball planter which I think is an essential purchase (I’m sure you will agree).

*Etsy, BerberStuffArtisanat, Moroccan Checkered rug, £122.85 | Harlie Brown Studio, Bonjour Monsieur Crabe!, £30 | *Etsy, RinseStudios, Rainbow Disco Ball Planter, £70 | *Trouva, Smiley Lamp Designed by Mr Maria, £125

Lareese

Autumn is all about cosying up and creating warmth in the home with blankets, seasonal scents and those glorious tones we’re treated to in nature at this time of year. I don’t go crazy with novelty bedding or anything like that but I always go ham on the autumnal candles, throws and twinkly lights on the fireplace. I might even go for a front door wreath this year!

Zara Home, GINGHAM CHECK BLANKET, £29.99 | *Liberty, BYREDO Tree House Candle, £59 | *Etsy, TheBizaarStore, Autumn Dried Flower Wreath, £62.50 | *Anthropologie, Pumpkin Harvest Dish Towel, £18 | *The White Company, Star Fairy Lights, £12

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First off, how are you and how is your 2021 going?

I’m fine, thank you! My 2021 has been good so far. I wrote a novella, called Blind Spot, which will be published as part of The Reading Agency’s Quick Reads programme next year, and I had final copy edits to do on A Slow Fire Burning, which was published in August. Since the summer I’ve been doing publicity for the book – mostly online, but I’ve also been to a few festivals, so things are starting to feel a little more normal.

Can you tell us about your new book A Slow Fire Burning?

What was the process like for writing it after your initial idea?

The book started with me thinking about a particular character – a young woman called Laura, who suffers from a condition called disinhibition – but Laura was a character without a story. The challenge for me was finding the right story to tell. Once I had that, the writing process itself was very enjoyable (mostly).

It must have been incredible to see The Girl On The Train reach such incredible success so quickly, how did you adapt to the popularity of the novel?

It was exciting and quite bewildering; more a series of small moments than one grand realisation, so I think I adapted slowly, step by step. It took a while for me to realise quite how big the novel had become, and to appreciate what that would mean for me.

Did you find yourself ever suffering with imposter syndrome when writing after that success?

Yes. If you have a success on that kind of scale, I think it is natural to feel that it is in some sense undeserved, or that one has been disproportionately rewarded for one’s efforts! But that is the nature of this sort of work, criticism and praise are subjective, earnings are not neatly related to hours worked – I had plenty of experience of being completely ignored before I found success.

How do you think growing up in Zimbabwe has affected your writing style or perspective?

What have some of your favourite reads been this year?

Mrs Death Misses Death by Salena Godden, Lean Fall Stand by Jon McGregor, No One is Talking About This by Patricia Lockwood, The Turnout by Megan Abbott, Dream Girl by Laura Lippmann, Sorrow and Bliss by Meg Mason, The Island of Missing Trees by Elif Shafak, Everyone Knows Your Mother is a Witch by Rivka Galchen. In terms of non-fiction, I loved Real Estate by Deborah Levy and The Devil You Know by Gwen Adshead and Eileen Horne.

What do you wish you could tell your younger self?

Work will save you!

What are you currently working on?

I haven’t started a new book yet, I’m in that in between phase, where I walk around a lot, thinking about the characters I want to write next, trying to figure out the story they belong in.

What does your perfect weekend look like?

That varies, but at the moment I’d probably say, dinner with friends Friday night, trip to the beach on Saturday, long walk and late pub lunch (possibly sliding slowly into dinner) on Sunday. In short, lots of food and fresh air and good company.

What do you always carry with you?

Phone, keys, sunglasses, lip balm and a book.

What would your last ever meal be?

Tricky. Maybe a ribeye with chips, maybe the perfect Cacio e Pepe? Quite possibly a really good spicy lamb chop.

What is one positive piece of advice you could give to our audience?

Make your own money, try to save a little, keep your finances firmly under your own control. You never know when you might want to pack a bag and leave. 

Keep up with Paula Hawkins on Instagram here!

Leandra Medine Cohen of Man Repeller (RIP) called and she wants her balaclava back. 2021’s hottest winter (oxymoron of the year) accessory has entered the building and it’s a marmite one to say the least. In mainstream approved company alongside beanies, baseball caps and bucket hats, the balaclava is a pandemic’s accessory dream, covering the mouth (and in some cases nose too) to create the ultimate cosy must-have to chuck in your tote bag throughout the next few months. American outdoor store REI reported a 40% year-on-year spike in sales of this controversial accessory in 2020 alone, proving it’s one to add to basket ASAP if you want to be ahead of the game in adopting this trend for winter.

Conceal greasy hair and one-too-many-wines induced breakouts, all whilst remaining 10/10 snug waiting for the bus, and thank us later when you can laugh in the face of your cold and fashun doubtful pals…

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You’ve probably never stopped to think about what that creepy guy wielding a chainsaw chasing you down a dimly lit hallway does to get into the spirit of things, or pondered the fact that he’s just a regular guy in a costume, trying to make you pee yourself a little bit for a living. Funny how logic leaves your body when you’re in the middle of a zombie apocalypse or attempting to outrun an evil clown with a particularly speedy PB.

Scaring the bejesus out of someone for work is an intriguing career move and there’s a heck of a lot more to it than saying boo on cue. So, what exactly does it take to be professionally terrifying?

From learning how to scream properly to terrorising an audience and getting into character before a shift, we caught up with a pro scarer from Tulleys Farm to find out what it’s like to scare people for a living…

What qualifications or experience do you need to be a professional scarer?

None at all! Just lots of enthusiasm! I had full training provided by Scream Park Entertainments.

What’s the audition process like?

It’s a 2 stage audition process. The first stage is a fun 2 hour physical and vocal workshop. Playing lots of games, doing exercises and learning the basics of scare! If successful in the first round you are invited back to the second round – SCREAM TRAINING! A full day of workshops, where they teach you everything you need to know about Character & Scare techniques, as well as how to look after yourself during the run.

What does a typical shift at work look like for you, if that exists?

I have to arrive at Tulleys an hour before the mazes open to get into costume and makeup, and then we all have a full team physical and vocal warm-up before we start scaring! I get given zones to work in the maze but I’ll generally work in all areas of the attraction over the course of the night. I have at least 2 half an hour breaks in the shift where I go back to the dressing room. My shift finishes at 11.30 pm and then I get out of costume and makeup and go home.

What’s your favourite character to play?

This is my third season at Tulleys and so I have been lucky enough to play lots! I LOVE THEM ALL! But being a Swing actor means you get a chance to work in all the mazes, which is mental!

What’s been your best / most extreme scare reaction to date?

A code yellow! (someone wet themselves!) Haha!

It must be a very demanding role, both physically and mentally, especially for the voice. How do you prepare for each performance and what’s it like interacting with an audience?

YES! Scream Park Entertainment prepare us for this lot, right from the auditions. We are taught how to harness our voices and our energy throughout the night/season. Lots of fun warmups and exercises! Keeping hydrated throughout the shift and EATING WELL!! It is the most physically and mentally demanding job I have ever done, but also the most fun!

What are the risks of the job? Have you ever had any hairy experiences?

Sometimes the customers are not very nice. We get called all sorts!! But it’s only them reacting to me making them jump. You do have to have a pretty thick skin sometimes. But we’re also given lots of training and support to manage any difficult customers. #OneTeamOneScream

Do you end up losing your voice a lot as part and parcel of the job, or is there a secret technique you use for screaming and making scary noises?

We are taught by Scream Park how to make scary noises without using our vocal cords, but still having a great effect! As long as you look after yourself and always warm up before your shift, you won’t lose your voice.

How do you typically get into character ahead of a shift, or is it a case of costume on, makeup on, BOOM, you’re in scare mode?

Costume and makeup do help. But in rehearsals, we are given lots of info about the maze and the characters within, and then they workshop the characters with us so we know exactly what to do. The warmup before we start is always fun and really gets us into the zone!

For any aspiring actors and scarers, what should they know about the reality of the job, the good, the bad and the ugly?

It’s tiring! It’s sometimes cold and wet! Very physically, vocally and mentally demanding, but It’s all worth it! It’s so much fun and I’ve made lifelong friends and look forward to it every year. The best job in the world.

What’s your top tip for scaring the living daylights out of people?

Build the suspense, choose your moment carefully, then IMPACT!

Have you got a stand-out performance you’re particularly proud of?

I don’t think so. I’ve had some great reactions in my time that still stay with me. That code yellow will be with me my whole life!

What’s sort of reaction do people have when you tell them what you do for work? It’s not your average 9-5 is it!

Usually, they say “that’s sooooooo coooool!!” Most of my friends are now doing it with me and some people just think I’m MAD!

Where’s your favourite place to haunt? (haunted house, scare maze?)

Anywhere at Tulleys!

What does it take to scare you? Or are you pretty much desensitised to pranks and scare tactics now?

The unexpected! If I go to a scare attraction, I’m quite hardened to it now, but still love it. It’s the rest of the time, I can be quite a scaredy cat!

Grab your tickets for Shocktober Fest at Tulleys Farm here!

It’s cuffing season ladies and gentlemen, and you know what that means? Your date night plans are about to increase tenfold. The search for a winter significant other is ON, with hot girl summer behind us and the need for a Netflix and Christmas market partner growing in urgency by the day, it’s time to redownload the apps you love to hate and get your false lashes ready to flutter across the bar.

In all seriousness, we love a date night, whether it be with a long term partner or someone new and mysterious, the chance to have one on one chats, giggles and a cheeky kiss (or more, oi oi) at the end of the night is always a fun way to spice up the week. No matter your love language, a date night with the right person has the power to set the butterflies, fireworks and every other figurative exciting feeling off for days to come, and we couldn’t be more here for it.

So, put your best heeled-boot foot forward and let’s lockdown those lovers in time for a guaranteed New Year’s Eve smooch.

Maddie

Hold the phone, I’m actually having a date night this week, my husband and I are going to see the new 007 movie and I cannot wait! Given it’s quite a low key date I’ll probably stick to the old faithful; jeans, boots, a nice top and jacket but the idea of not having to wear a breastfeeding-friendly bra and not having baby food all over me gives me the most joy of all.

*Marks and Spencer, ROSIE Underwired Balcony, £28 | *ASOS, Topshop Editor straight leg jeans in bleach wash, £49 | *& Other Stories, Ribbed Wrap Top, £35 | *Whistles, JERSEY BOYFRIEND BLAZER, £89 | *ASOS, schuh Charlotte mid heeled ankle boot in black, £35

Danielle

The best date night outfits start with matching lingerie, something I usually don’t tend to bother with but it does make me feel that extra bit sexy. Then I’ve gone for this sleek black midi dress that for some reason is giving me major Elle Woods at a funeral vibe. The statement boots need no introduction, they’re Twiggy in boot form and I love them. Gold accessories to finish it off!

*ASOS, Figleaves Pulse eyelash lace lingerie set in lime, £42 | *ASOS, ASOS DESIGN 70s drape front wrap midi dress in black, £38 | *ASOS, Monki checkerboard knee high boots, £60 | *Astrid & Miyu, Ripple T-Bar Chunky Necklace in Gold, £75 | *Astrid & Miyu, Ripple Hoops in Gold, £69

Darcey

For my date night look, I’ve gone for cocktails at a fancy bar kinda vibe. You can never go wrong with a pair of leather-look trousers and that’s a FACT, paired with this really cute cross body top from Mango in lime green and some white accessories!

*Mango, Leather effect high waist pant, £49.99 | *Mango, Ribbon cross-body top, £29.99 | *ASOS, Wide Fit Hattie sandals, £20 | JW PEI, Joy Bag – White, £89

Charlotte

The chances of me going on a date would be a fine thing BUT we move, haha. I love getting dressed up for a little evening of drinks or a nice meal and this outfit is one I’d feel super comfortable in but still feels quite dressy and sexy! Warehouse has got some amazing pieces at the moment, including this mesh top which has inspired a blue look with some matching accessories- something a bit different than my normal colour palette but one I really want to rock IRL! Add a little heeled boot and boom, an autumn date night dream!

*Warehouse, Printed Mesh Funnel Neck Top, £25 | H&M, Wide twill trousers, £12.99 | *Nasty Gal, Croc Square Toe Heeled Ankle Boots, £49 | *Ego, HARLIN STUDDED SHOULDER BAG IN BLUE FAUX LEATHER, £59.99

Lareese

All black is always a vibe for date night. Sleek, classy and timeless! I know I’ll get the wear out of this Warehouse suit, both as a two-piece and as separates, which is always a bonus for cost per wear ya know. I’ll stick to the noir theme and finish off the lewk with strappy black heels and a slouchy bag.

Zara, LEATHER SHOULDER BAG, £79.99 | *Warehouse, Premium Crepe Wide Leg Trouser, £79 | *Warehouse, Premium Crepe Long Line Blazer, £109 | *Cos, STRAPPY HEELED SANDALS, £125

Holly

What date night and outfit combo can beat Jeans and a nice top at a vibey but chilled pub. I will quite literally always opt for high waisted blue jeans with a black top and black boots. Gold accessories and bright red lipstick with a red bag. Comfy and casual but can tell I’ve put a bit of effort in. Not sure if this counts as a part of the ‘look’ but you’ll probably see me with a few tequila’s in hand too.

*Levi’s, HIGH WAISTED TAPER FIT JEANS (PLUS), £60 | *ASOS, COLLUSION ribbed cardigan in black, £10 | Skinny Dip, Liars & Lovers Simple Twisted Hoop Earring, £10 | Estella Bartlett, Chunky Rope Link Necklace, £60 | Zara, QUILTED SHOULDER BAG WITH CHAIN, £25.99

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