This is an article from School of Squirt, for content pitches please email contact@zoella.co.uk

There are many questions around the topic of squirting. For example: What is squirting? Can everyone squirt? How do I make squirt?

But perhaps one of the most asked questions on the topic, and one of the most controversial, is: “Is squirting real?” You’ll be glad to know that squirting is very real and, for many, it’s very possible to achieve.

Are you ready to learn more about squirting? Then keep reading!

What is Squirting?

In technical terms, squirting is defined as “the discharge of a noticeable amount of fluid from the urethra.” This occurs after a variable time of sexual stimulation, and it’s often linked to g-spot stimulation.

Is Squirting Real?

The short answer? Yes.

Now for the long answer: Squirting is a real, scientifically confirmed phenomena. It occurs when a gush of liquid flows from the urethra during sexual excitation, and it may or may not occur at the same time as an orgasm.

The confusion doesn’t seem to be around whether squirting is real or not. Instead, it seems to be based around the definition of squirting and exactly what squirting is. For years, it’s been believed that the fluid associated with squirting is urine. That is, someone who squirts is actually urinating during sexual stimulation.

This protein is believed to come not from the urethra, but from the Skene’s gland. The Skene’s gland (or more accurately, Skene’s glands) are glands located on the anterior wall of the vagina, near the base of the urethra’s opening. It’s believed that the Skene’s gland releases its own fluids at the same time as the bladder. This is what marks the difference between someone urinating vs squirting.

Myths Associated with Squirting

There are a lot of misconceptions about squirting, especially due to how it’s portrayed in pornography. But we’re here to clear up the confusion!

Myth #1: Squirting is Fake

Covered briefly above in the section on “Is Squirting Real?” But there’s no doubt that this myth requires further discussion. The most common association that many have with squirting is what they’ve seen in pornography. Just as with anything else portrayed in pornography, though, squirting is dramatized.

In pornography, they often have torrential, gushing that seems to go on forever. They will also often convey the fact that they’re having an intense orgasm at the same time.

Myth #2: Only a “certain type” of person can squirt

It’s true that pornography has seriously altered the way we view sex. A particular way in which it is done so is by portraying a certain image of a person who can squirt.

Squirting is often thought to be a rare phenomena, and one that only ‘experienced’ people can achieve. The truth is that just about anyone can squirt under the right circumstances.

Myth #3: Squirting = Orgasm

It’s commonly thought that squirting = orgasm. But as many squirters will tell you, that’s not always the case.

Is it possible to squirt and orgasm simultaneously? Of course! It’s not a requirement that you orgasm at the same time as you squirt, however. In fact, many people can squirt multiple times before they reach climax. 

There are things you can do to increase the chances of having a squirting orgasm, though it’s never guaranteed. A few tips include:

• Stimulating the clitoris
• Practice edging
• Use a sex toy

Myth #4: Squirting can only occur with g-spot stimulation

There’s no doubt that for many g-spot stimulation is the easiest way to squirt. It’s not the only way, however. The g-spot is the fleshy nub located towards the opening of the vagina. When you are aroused, the g-spot will fill with blood and seemingly grow larger.

Why? Because the g-spot is actually thought to be an extension of the clitoris.

When we speak of the clitoris, we’re referring to the small, spongy structure at the top of the vulva. This is only just a small part of the clitoris, though, as the majority of it is internal. In some cases, you may even be able to squirt with nipple stimulation or anal intercourse.

How to Make Yourself Squirt

Are you interested in learning how to squirt on your own? Then you’ve come to the right place!

Try and relax

It’s easy to become distracted by your usual day-to-day responsibilities. But for a successful squirting session, you’ll need to shut off your racing mind and embrace the calm.

What this looks like, and how it’s done, will vary from woman to woman. A few tips you may want to try:

• Take a few deep breaths. While lying down comfortably, breathe in for seven seconds. Hold your breath for four seconds, and then slowly exhale for eight seconds. This pattern of breathing is intentional, which means you’ll have to steady your mind to focus.

• Play a lowkey playlist. When you need to calm your thoughts and clear your mind from all other outside distractions, music can help. Just put your favorite playlist on repeat.

• Practice aromatherapy. Lavender and vanilla are popular choices when it comes to aromatherapy blends. You can diffuse them, or even just use a scented plug-in or room spray.

Only once you’ve brought yourself to a more relaxed state are you ready to move on.

Explore Yourself Freely

Take the time to explore yourself freely. This means touching your most sensitive spots and finding what you like and what you don’t like.

Are you not sure how to start? Why not begin with the erogenous zones? These include:

1. Lips
2. Ears
3. Neck
4. Lower back/buttocks
5. Breasts
6. Inner thighs
7. Clitoris

It may feel weird at first as you explore your body. This is especially true for spots you might not otherwise think of as erotic (like your ears and neck). But by taking the time to acquaint yourself with your body, you set yourself up for success.

Find the Sweet Spot

When it comes to squirting, focus on two key areas: the clitoris, and the g-spot. The clitoris is easy enough to locate, but what about the g-spot? That can be a bit trickier.

One tip for making your exploration easier? Wait until you’re fully aroused. The g-spot engorges when you’re aroused, so this will make it much easier to find. Once you’ve found your g-spot, you can begin to learn what you like. Stimulate it with your fingers by making a ‘come hither’ motion. Or use a vibrator or dildo.

Don’t Stop!

The majority of squirting fluids come from the bladder, so it can feel as if you urgently need to pee when you’re close to squirting. This is because the bladder fills up when it’s sent signals from the Skene’s gland that you’re close to ejaculation.

The good news? It’s not urine. So if you feel like you’re on the verge of peeing, keep going. Just be sure to empty your bladder right before your session and you should be good to go!

Practice Makes Perfect

It’s not uncommon to require multiple sessions before you’re finally able to squirt. And that’s okay. The more you practice, the ‘better’ and more comfortable you’ll get. This is because you’ll become more attuned with your body. This also means that, should you ever want to squirt with your partner, you’ll be better able to guide them.

Frequently Asked Questions About Squirting

While we’ve covered some of the common myths about squirting, there are still a lot of questions on the topic. Let’s tackle a few of those FAQs now.

Can Everyone Squirt?

The quick answer to whether all women are physically able to squirt is yes. The answer is a bit more complicated than just having the right physical parts, though.

Whether one can squirt or not is about more than just your ability to do so. If you’re not in the right mental space, then it’s unlikely to happen.

Why Does it Feel Like I Need to Pee?

A common concern of people who are just about to squirt, and the reason that many hold back, is the intense feeling of needing to pee. The good news? Squirting is not urination (though a small bit of diluted pee may be mixed in from time to time). So the next time you feel like you need to dash off in the middle of your lovemaking session, just let go.

Can I Get ‘Better’ At Squirting?

Kegel exercises may be the answer. Kegel exercises are exercises that strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. With stronger pelvic muscles, you may be able to control your ability to climax and to squirt. In fact, a strong pelvic floor can even mean more intense orgasms.

Squirting Troubleshooting

Let’s look at some common issues you may be experiencing and how you can overcome them.

I Don’t Enjoy G-spot Stimulation…

For many, g-spot stimulation can feel odd at first. After all, it’s an often overlooked spot. And while many will come to love g-spot stimulation, still others may continue to feel odd about it.

The good news is, g-spot stimulation isn’t necessarily required for squirting. It may be easier for most to squirt from direct stimulation of the g-spot, but it’s also possible via other avenues.

Remember that the g-spot is an inner extension of the clitoris. As such, it may be possible to squirt from clitoral stimulation.

I Cannot Overcome My Fear of Peeing

It’s true that, as you near the verge of squirting, you may feel an intense urge to urinate. This can cause a significant mental block for some as they fear “letting go.”

What can you do?

• Move to the bathroom. The shower or bathtub is a great place to get used to squirting if your greatest hangup is the potential mess. This is especially true if you fear that you’ll pee instead of squirt.

• Prepare your environment. Does the bathroom sound unappealing? Then maybe you would be more comfortable with the idea of squirting if you first ‘prepared’ the environment. Put down some towels, and remove anything that may be harmed from getting wet.

The most important thing you can do? Be patient. It may take you several sessions to finally let go, and that’s okay.

It Takes Me a Long Time to Squirt

Patience is key when it comes to trying to squirt, especially if it’s your first time. However, you may feel self-conscious about how long it takes her to finally get there.

There are steps you can take to hasten the process, though there’s no guarantee. Everyone is different so it may just be that you take longer than most.

Anyway, on to the tips!

• Practise kegels. One thing you can do to improve your chances (and speed) of squirting is kegel exercises. These exercises strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. They can be done anywhere, anytime.

• Try new positions. Perhaps your current positions aren’t hitting your g-spot at just the right angle. That’s okay because there’s plenty more to try!

• Go back to the basics. A common issue, and one that’s easy to resolve, is that your foreplay and warm-up sessions just aren’t as long as they should be. So go back to the basics and take it slow.

To reiterate what we’ve stated throughout the article: Squirting is real and possible for most to achieve!

In a world where you can have ethical porn and erotic audio, why would you ever need to associate with conventional porn ever again?

If visual porn’s just not your thing or you’re looking for ways to spice up your sex life and connect with your pleasure in newfangled ways, erotic audio offers a plethora of safe, convenient and consensual smut. In a space defined by and for the male gaze, this fresh breed of horny fables is music (and breathy sweet nothings) to our ears. 

From apps to podcasts and guided masturbation sessions, here’s a sensual selection of the best audio porn to listen to when you’re feeling horny as hell. 

Dipsea 

If palpable sexual tension and character-driven stories are your porn genre (pornre) of choice, Dipsea’s ever-growing library of sexy inclusive audio will certainly pique your interest. 

Designed to turn you on and tuck you in, it’s been dubbed the Headspace of erotica, blending sexual wellness with intimate storytelling in a calm, safe and consensual manner. You can access hundreds of carefully curated, sex-positive stories, cozy Sleep Scenes and wellness sessions, all of which will fire up your imagination and invite you to embrace your sexual fantasies without shame. 

Although Dipsea was designed with women in mind, the app is a safe space for all genders, with HER+HER, HER+HIM, and a growing selection of HIM+HIM and non-binary content. 

From flirtatious and romantic short-form stories to hookups, threesomes and BDSM, all the stories are clearly tagged so you won’t tune into something potentially triggering. Dipsea actively includes trans characters in its works and over 50% of their characters are voiced by people of colour. And ain’t that the way all good stories should be?

Co-Founders Gina Gutierrez and Faye Keegan recognised a gap in the market for real-life erotica, “We wanted to hear stories that felt like they were made for us, for our friends, and for all those women who felt like erotica didn’t really connect with their lives and experiences. So we made it our mission to build a narrative universe that cares about your needs, wants and fantasies – down to the smallest, most intimate details.

“Our stories are simply a door to your inner world, a way of illuminating the parts of yourself you’ve either lost touch with or have yet to discover.” 

Prepare for a binge-worthy listen. Discover the Dipseaverse here. 

SmileMakers 

Seeking something short and sweet? Something you can strategically sandwich between Zooms and lunch breaks? Smile Makers Clitastic Chronicles could be just the format you’re after. 

This erotica series focuses on real fantasies they’ve received, written by female authors. Featuring meet-cutes, late nights at the office, an encounter on the train and a tennis lesson that covers a little more than the basic strokes, this is a solid and wonderfully vanilla introduction into the world of audio erotica, making it ideal for newbies or anyone who’s short on time. At ten minutes and under, these kinky soundbites waste no time getting down to business. Because busy girls deserve their orgasms, too. 

Tune in here for free. 

Quinn 

Founded by Caroline Spiegal, sister of Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegal, Quinn is an ethical space for both audio porn creators and listeners, designed for women to get their ‘O’s without the graphic burn-your-retina visuals mainstream porn depends on. Think less raunchy, more sensuous – no bells and whistles, just moans and accented voices. With categories from voyeurism, butt-stuff and non-binary voice, the Quinn library caters to all kinds of kinks, so you’re bound to discover something to get you going. We have it on good authority that “Harry Eats You Out” will make you see god. 

Sign up and discover your audio aura here. 

Emjoy

With 500+ wellbeing sessions to boost your body confidence, mindfulness journeys and sexy stories produced by the sexperts themselves, Emjoy offers a range of no-frills audio to fit any desire. More an audio wellbeing app geared towards female pleasure, Emjoy offers curious-minded cisgender women a fun and entertaining way to practise self love and expand their sexual wellbeing. 

Whether you want to increase libido, climax consistently, stay present during intimacy, or feel body positive, Emjoy’s audio collections invite you to embrace self-discovery and achieve sexual fulfilment by incorporating new habits into your self-care routine.

Fancy a listen? Explore the world of Emjoy here. 

SofiaSins

Each story is narrated from the perspective of both people involved, so you’re privy to all the sensations of both giving and receiving pleasure. Let your imagination run wild and safely explore your fantasies without reservation, from domination to romance, cunnilingus and beyond. Sack off the bedroom slow jams and hit play on this library of libido boosting tracks instead. You won’t regret it. 

Listen on the go, here 

Ferly 

Say hello to the audio guide to mindful sex you didn’t know you needed. Ferly is on a mission to empower women and folx with vulvas to have healthy, confident and pleasurable sex. As survivors of sexual assault and violence themselves, Founders Billie Quinlan and Anna Hushlak understand that enjoying sex is so much more than the physical. Through the app, you’ll explore what pleasure means to you using touch-based practices, build your sexual self-confidence with cognitive behaviour therapy practices and be present in your own body using guided mindfulness techniques.

If you want to let go of sexual shame, identify your sexual needs, connect with your body or heal from sexual trauma, Ferly’s the app for you! Alongside hands-on audio sessions, personalised programmes created by sexual wellness experts, body mapping and journaling, you’ll find 10-12 minute narrations of sensual stories to get you out of your head and into your body. 

Find out more about the Ferly memberships here. 

Girl on The Net

A blog dedicated to sexual liberation and challenging sex stigma – Here. For. It. From real life sex stories to fascinating fetishes, Girl on The Net has been flying the NSFW flag since 2011. Now one of the biggest sex blogs in the UK, you’ll find a wealth of wank material on here kindly converted from written erotica to audio porn for your listening pleasure. Consider this your one stop shop for every kind of explicit erotica out there and the fastest way to improve the dreaded commute. 

Listen for free here. 

&Jane

Told by real women in their own words, &Jane provides a multi-faceted collection of real and compelling confessional stories to be enjoyed by all. Ear candy indeed. 

Listeners can follow individual storytellers and find their new content every week or upload their own content to the platform while remaining anonymous. With every subscription, a contribution will be donated to the Woodhull Freedom Foundation, the only national human rights organization that works full-time to affirm and protect sexual freedom as a fundamental human right.

Find out more here. 

Audio Desires

Audio Desires is an erotic audio platform created for women and couples looking for a more enjoyable alternative to visual mainstream porn. Relatable, guilt-free erotic audio stories with immersive ASMR sound effects – need we say more?

Thanks to their ‘spiciness’ rating system, you can easily identify what you’re in the mood for from flirtatious and sweet (🍑), passionate and exciting (🍑🍑) and hot and kinky (🍑🍑🍑). 

With new episodes out every Friday, this lot will ease you into the weekend mood nicely. TGIF!

Listen for free here. 

Tumblr

For those looking for unpolished user-submitted strangers with a mic clip, Tumblr is home to an exquisite feast of sexual sounds and blogs, though navigating the site takes significantly more effort and heed than sliding into an app or a podcast. 

Whether you’re into dirty talk, guided masturbation or straight to the point get those panties down steam, it’s all there for the taking on Tumblr. If an Irish accent (read: Connell) is up there at the top of your sexual fantasies, then we do advise that you complete the module named: AttractiveGeek. 

The Sounds Of Pleasure and Audio Orgasm also come highly recommended. 

Literotica

Best known for its written stories, Literotica also has a solid collection of audio sex stories for you to explore, ranging from Uber shags to sexy co-worker hookups and narrative-driven storytelling. Conventional porn not quite main character enough for you? These tracks put you right slap bang in the middle of all the hottest action. 

Listen for free here. 

Audible 

Listen, sometimes you don’t necessarily want straight up filth. Sometimes longing stares, character development and beautifully narrated audiobooks are better than porn and for that, there’s Audible. Case in point: Beth O’Leary’s Road Trip. Dylan and Addie’s villa sex? Top tier Provence porn right there. 

Find your genre of choice here. 

*CONTAINS SPOILERS*

It’s the question on everybody’s lips after the meat-cute to end all meat-cutes, brought to us by Netflix’s Sex/Life…

Was Brad (played by actor Adam Demos) wearing a prosthetic penis or is he really just blessed with king-size junk?

The gym shower scene (episode 3, 19 minutes in, for anyone wanting to skip to full frontal nudity) has left the nation well and truly hung up. If our memory serves us correctly, we haven’t been this excited since the Duke licked a spoon in 2020.

If you haven’t heard of the show, the premise is this: penis. That’s it. That’s the premise. The steamy eight-part series follows a married woman called Billie who can’t stop thinking about her ex and all the mind-blowing, clit-throbbing, hot-as-fire sex they had. In the lift, in the pool, in the bath, the restaurant. Everywhere and anywhere. Cue the love triangle and thirsty sex scenes so gloriously choreographed, they’ll charm your libido out of its wicker basket and have you pausing to frantically masturbate. The instrument responsible for this sorcery? Brad’s pungi.

Prepare to get so hooked and horny on Billie’s life, you lose sight of everything that matters in your own.

Here’s all the thoughts and feelings we had whilst watching Sex/Life…

I mean, that house in the snow with the old car in front is enough to arouse me. Game over.

Billie’s boobs are magnificent.

But she’s being far too vocal for a finger job.

“Just get the vibrator” should be a podcast.

18 months without going down on her? I’m going to masturbate out of principle because Cooper, that is a war crime.

Not gonna lie, I came here for the famous phallus…

One minute I’m horny the next I’m broody and I just don’t know what to do with all these feelings in quick succession.

It’s all butterflies, babies, boobs and buttcracks. It’s nuanced stuff.

Because the kid is so cute but her tits are so great and I really just want Cooper to fuck her brains out like she deserves.

Did not see the Carrie Bradshaw erotica twist coming.

Just a modest chandelier, Brad. No biggie.

The things that fruit bowl must have seen…

Holy shit, the GIRL CODE IS EXTINCT.

Hudson in his little pastel shirt with that little fucking yellow pocket. Not coping.

That breast pump sounds strangely like a) my aromatherapy diffuser b) my convoy of vibrators.

I feel like I need to hire Hudson to back me like he backs his mum.

It’s been a good 20 minutes without a sex scene. Might turn over for Naked Attraction.

Is Brad’s dog tag the new Connell’s chain. Time will tell.

If my memory (and opinion) serve me correctly, Connell wore it better.

Feel like awkward mumbling Irish is distinctly hotter than Australian but it’s a close call.

Never thought fairy lights would make me horny but here we are…

No peen in that scene. When is this gigantic bell end gonna make its debut?!

Cooper with wet hair is a vibe.

I thought you had to pump and dump after a night out?

Since Cooper discovered the kitchen counter he really does love it doesn’t he.

Side note: even his wank-kins are fancy. What’s on them, a botanical print commissioned by Soho House?

Ok, all the breastfeeding and cute babies between wanking and shagging is really not the formula for me. We get it lady, your nipples are a true multi-hyphenate pair

Bold of B to carry on journalling after the phone call from Brad knowing full well Cooper is a hate follower now.

Well, Mrs Brenda is pure SUNSHINE isn’t she…

19 floors to come, without a vibrator? I’d need at least 100 floors with a mechanical breakdown in between to buy some time.

Fucking hell what is THAT?!

Why do I feel like I’ve just been through an exorcism?

He could literally pick up a bar of soap with that thing.

Got me feeling like I’ve just done a lateral flow test because my eyes are watering and I’m gagging.

This is not real life. This is FICTION. Nothing but a well-hung fable.

And yet, on closer inspection, a rewind and several frantic pauses later, the appendage looks incredibly realistic. I need facts.

calls the boyfriend to (quote) ‘come and look at this!’

“Nah, that’s CGI. Someone’s paid to make that”

Me: “But it has a vein and everything!”

Thank you, Stacy Rukeyser for catering to the female gaze with APLOMB.

Mmm Cooper must be an oat milk kinda man. Breast milk? Not so much.

I’m going to be bitterly disappointed if Brad’s Lad doesn’t have its own Instagram account.

Oh, to be the intimacy coordinator choreographing THAT.

Hate to break it to you Billie but you can’t take a shower with your laptop.

The DEAR ME > Thanksgiving Recipes transition. Well, it sure is eat out to help out this year, Billie.

She does pick a man with a superior head of hair doesn’t she.

THERE WILL BE A DUEL WITH THEIR PENISES I KNOW IT.

And I shall enjoy it.

Very much here for angry Cooper. This is the passion Billie needs, craves and deserves.

‘Piece of shit’ sounds so much better with an American accent.

What is it with sexy TV shows and bees? Don’t remember seeing them in the shower scene.

That buggy is bigger than Billie. The handlebar is literally higher than her libido.

Wait, he doesn’t know what big dick energy means? Pray for Cooper.

Floppy hair + a far from floppy penis. What a combo, Brad.

There’s not a FaceTime screen ratio big enough to handle the wingspan of that thing.

Googles coital alignment technique colloquially known as grinding the corn

“Tonight darling, we’re doing the CAT. The clit wants what it wants”

That is one loaded motorbike.

Steals Bowie from Brad’s baby names list

Is that Farrow & Ball Rangwali they’ve got on the walls?

I’m sorry but there is no way you could do doggy with Brad without sustaining an injury. Nope.

Billie really gets the wear out of that white nightdress. Sultry and sustianable. Love her.

Seriously though, Billie mate, get a password.

If we just let morals slide for one tiny second, can they just fuck one more time?

Mmm, that bathtub doesn’t look big enough to fit both Brad and his penis in it.

Are they going to throw their keys in a bowl with Devon and Trina?

Cheating on B at her cousin’s wedding Brad?! That’s some real shit show shit.

This is one party I would never expect to run into a Karen.

That is quite the aerial yoga swing!

@ me looking around the room trying to find a reliable ceiling I can levitate from.

I’m not really into the whole circling people like they’re Aslan the dying lion though.

It feels very Riverdale all of a sudden.

The party has bad, bad vibes.

You manipulative little shrew Brad showing up at her house with a ring and your leather jacket and your perfect fucking teeth.

But at the same time, if Cooper says stain one more time please runaway with B and have all the sex.

A Brad and Cooper shaped homoerotic twist would really save this finale.

Haven’t heard chickenshit in a long time.

Every kids’ party I’ve ever been to has left me wanting to make a beeline for gelato on the other side of town too tbh.

Alright the stain analogy has gone on long enough.

Blimey, they build blowjob bridges real quick in the suburbs of Connecticut.

Or is she going to risk the 85% for the extra 15 inches?

So, Billie is right back at square one? Settling for the man with the smaller penis and the big pay package when she really just wants to live a sexually fulfilled life with the man in Manhattan with the small bathtub and the colossal package?

Oh Brad & Billie are a couple in real life now! That explains A LOT.

Season 2 can’t cum soon enough.

One third of all internet traffic is porn. We’ll pause for a moment whilst that sinks in. Porn is everywhere online- it’s unavoidable and the ease with which anyone can access explicit content makes for a worrying reality in how normalised these unrealistic representations of sex are for many.

For the most part, pornography is designed to appeal to men, meaning the pleasure, consent and respect of the women featured in this content is secondary to the enjoyment of the men creating, partaking and viewing it. Pornography can be dehumanising to those involved when the name of the game is mass-producing content for free on sites such as PornHub, and regularly means those involved are not fairly paid or compensated for their work. Mainstream porn typically shows an inaccurate version of consensual, joyful sex, so it’s really no surprise if you’ve been dissatisfied with mainstream porn up until this point- it is rarely designed with women in mind.

But all is not lost ladies and gents, alone time with your favourite toy or a joint sexy sesh with your S/O can in fact be spiced up to the max with some consensual content that benefits you and those involved. Let us introduce: ethical porn.

What is ethical porn?

Ethical porn is adult content produced with the performer’s welfare as the top priority, ensuring they are paid, consenting and comfortable at each step of the filming and production process. Ethical porn seeks to provide a more realistic and accurate representation of sex, involving those of varying body types, sexualities, disabilities and most importantly prioritises pleasure for all of those involved.

Ethical porn is sometimes also known as ‘feminist porn’, which is another defining characteristic setting it apart from mainstream pornography which is oftentimes rooted in misogyny, violence and disrespecting women and their bodies. Mainstream porn is created with the male gaze at the fore and usually has one main aim, whereas feminist porn looks to create art that also satisfies women’s desires too – what’s not to like?!

Ethical porn can normally be distinguished from mainstream porn because it is typically not available for free – one of the ways it ensures that filmmakers and actors are paid fairly for their time and skills. It is typically hosted on independent websites that can be accessed by paying a subscription or one-off video fee and ensures a safe environment for performers in this industry. Creating high quality, responsibly made, cinematic pornography comes at a cost, and the never ending availability of free porn has wrongly made not paying for this content the norm.

As engaging with ethically made porn becomes more of a priority for viewers, “smaller indie studios have implemented stricter regulations around standardized, fair pay for actors, STI testing, and collaborations over scripts and scenes that take the actors’ boundaries into account” (Men’s Health), meaning you can sit back, relax and enjoy guilt free viewing, knowing everyone involved is having as much fun as you.

Where to watch ethical porn?

Piqued your interest? Heart rate increased? Look no further for a reliable watch list of destinations you can rely on for your feminist porn fix …

PinkLabelTV

Inspired by the pornography she watched at adult film festivals, Shine Louise Houston started PinkLabelTV in 2013 as a one-stop-shop for content that showcases, “the types of bodies and desires that aren’t often depicted on conventional adult websites.” Genres include classic and vintage adult films, sex education, documentary, and collections of award-winning films selected at adult film festivals around the globe.
Sales directly support the filmmakers on the platform, encouraging a sustainable #payforyourporn model where artists can continue expanding their craft and you know those involved are safe and consensual. Users can rent films on an individual basis or subscribe as a member to enjoy unlimited access to all the films and special livestream events.

Watch at: www.pinklabel.tv

Bellesa

“We unwaveringly believe that if we can change the kind of sex that people are watching, we can change a whole lot more.”
Bellesa’s tagline reads “empowering women to explore, embrace and celebrate their sexuality- unapologetically” and we are truly obsessed from the outset! All Bellesa films are fantasies by women, written by women, directed by women, produced by women and on set there is one golden rule: No. Fake. Orgasms. The goal of the scene is always to capture authentic, raw pleasure, and this is what really sets the platform apart from mainstream pornography typically designed for men. The site features some free content but Bellesa+, dubbed the ‘Netflix of porn’ is the most impressive part of the platform, with 4K streaming of the best premium content in porn available at a range of subscription levels to suit your budget. With interactive sex ed, private Facebook groups and chats to encourage members to explore their sexuality, the site is empowering at its very core.

Watch at: www.bellesa.co

Dipsea

The home of sexy audio stories, wellness sessions, and sleep scenes, Dipsea is a female-founded startup and story studio that produces relatable, feminist content that celebrates, “healthy boundary setting and enthusiastic consent”. Founded by friends Gina and Faye, they set out on a mission to create an accessible platform that allowed women, “to tap into their sexuality more easily, and on their terms.”
Subscribers can access 400+ stories with regular new releases, hot and heavy content with diverse themes, soothing bedtime stories & wellness sessions and the option to cancel at any time. We’re obsessed!

Learn more at: www.dipseastories.com

Afterglow

Afterglow’s “pleasure universe” is a new women-led erotica site that produces cinematic adult films that highlight consent, celebrate genuine pleasure, validate personal boundaries and embrace diversity of body size, race, sexuality, age and ability. Their blog is also a hub of sex education content, covering everything from orgasm anxiety, succeeding in non-monogamous relationships and everything you need to know about threesomes. Subscribe and pay monthly or annually, or try a 7-day free trial to see what it’s all about…

Learn more at: www.xoafterglow.com

Lust Cinema

And finally, the creme de la creme of ethical porn and beautifully created adult erotica, “Lust Cinema aims to challenge the porn industry standards by promoting the cinematic possibilities of the medium, high-quality storytelling and a realistic representation of human sexuality and sex.” Available for 1, 3 or 18 month subscription plans, you need look no further for binge-worthy adult series and feature films that prioritise pleasure.
Created by award-winning adult film-maker Erika Lust who broke onto the adult cinema scene in 2004, Lust has since founded four online cinemas: XConfessions, Lust Cinema, Else Cinema and The Store by Erika Lust that celebrate the highest quality adult content. Her TEDX talk ‘It’s Time for Porn to Change’ in 2017 has been viewed over 1 million times, and in 2019 she was named as one of the BBC’s 100 Most Influential Women of the Year.

Watch more at: www.lustcinema.com

We caught up with Erika to learn more about creating ethical porn and working in this trailblazing new subsection of a typically male dominated industry…

When was Erika Lust Films founded and what was the driving force for doing so? 

Right after moving to Barcelona from Sweden back in 2000, I started working in a well-known advertisement company making quick steps forward – from runner to producer – and soon I realised that I loved the atmosphere of a film set. At some point, I felt the need to do my own thing, and what I wanted to do was shoot an explicit film!

What is the most challenging part about creating ethical porn? What is the best/most rewarding part about creating ethical porn? 

When you present yourself as an adult production company that puts ethics in the film production process and everything they do, you’re taking a huge responsibility towards the public. This may lead to people holding your work to a standard of “perfection” that doesn’t tolerate even the smallest mistake you may make. On the other hand, the most rewarding part is seeing a growing community of people out there who appreciates our work and supports me and my team to keep on doing it as best as we can. We recently ran a survey through our users and I’m so happy to see that more than 50% of them chose to buy a subscription to XConfessions, Lust Cinema, or Else Cinema, or buy single movies or film compilations at The Store by Erika Lust exactly because of the ethics under which our films are made.

How do viewers know if the porn they are watching is ethical?

Last but not least, is the porn you watch available behind a paywall? It costs money to make a film and to ensure good working conditions for everyone who is involved in making it happen. It costs money to fairly pay performers, crew, post-production and the director; legal contracts that protect all of their rights as workers, lunch for the day, comfortable accommodations if required. 

What do you think is the most pressing issue in the world of pornography production that viewers should be more aware of? e.g. payment, age of actors. consent, representation etc 

I think that consumers should be more aware of the importance of paying for porn. By paying for your porn, you’re helping adult production companies to make films where sex work is done in a safe environment; meaning that performers and their needs and boundaries are taken care of, that the sex they have is consensual. When you pay for your porn, you’re paying a scriptwriter that creates an original, realistic plot where communication and diversity are put at the forefront. You’re paying a production team that ensures that performers are 18+, are enthusiastic about being part of an adult movie, and do not feel obliged to do anything they don’t want to do. You’re paying a Talent Manager or an Intimacy Coordinator that supports them throughout the shoot. Most of all, you’re paying the performers and the whole crew that works to create a film with good cinematography and art direction, lighting, styling, makeup, new locations, and the whole post-production process. All of this is essential to create good quality adult content, both aesthetically and in terms of content.

In recent years we have all become more conscious of what we consume, and ethical and sustainable businesses have really boomed. I hope that this trend also translates to peoples’ attitudes towards pornography and that people begin to think more about the consequences of not paying for pornography and relying on tube sites. At the moment films are often made on a very low budget by companies who need to churn out as many films as possible in order to compete and be profitable; this leads to a very poor representation of sex and sexuality on screen. It is only once people start paying for pornography this will begin to change as more money, more evenly distributed within the industry will provide space for innovative new directors and allow production companies to focus on quality rather than simply having an economy of scale. 

Do you think that the endless amounts of free pornography online make for an inherently problematic industry?

Do you think we will ever live in a world in which ethical and consensual pornography is the norm when free content can be consumed so mindlessly?  

As said above, the future of pornography depends on whether or not there is a shift away from simply using these tube sites and start backing more varied companies by paying for their content. Users need to be made aware of the ethical implications of watching pirated material. Watching free porn is like going to the supermarket and going out without paying for the groceries.

When you pay for your porn, you are giving it value. You are supporting the people who do it and you are sending the message that you want to watch porn that is made safely, with quality and diversity. As in many other fields, consumers are ultimately a part of the industry; the future of porn depends on the people who watch it.

People are not educated to pay for porn also because our society still sees sex workers as less than human. Sex workers are people like anyone else who do a job that should have the same legal rights as any other job. We need to change for the better our perception of sex workers and their lives. We need to normalise sex work as real work and put an end to stigma, criminalisation, and dehumanisation.

Do you think we’re seeing a cultural shift in attitudes towards porn becoming less taboo as sites such as Only Fans become more popular and mainstream?

Despite the sex-negative culture we still live in, I see that porn is gradually becoming less of a taboo in society. And yes, I think that sites like OnlyFans, Manyvids, etc. are helping to normalise the consumption of paid ethical porn. They do it by putting the power and the money directly in the hands of adult creators and performers, who can create their own content in the safety of their homes and with people they want to work with. 

Pornography is historically rooted in exploitation and misogyny- can ethical porn seek to change that or do the origins of porn make it difficult to escape those issues even now? 

Ethically made porn exists exactly to change that. Porn as a medium can be used in a positive or negative way as everything else. It is absolutely possible to create porn that is not rooted in exploitation and misogyny by simply changing the narratives and making a positive shift in the production process.

What is one misconception about creating porn you would like to debunk?

Many people conflate sex work with sex trafficking and perpetuate the stereotype that sex workers are victims or are driven to a demeaning lifestyle by a damaged history. Sex trafficking is easily confused with all types of sex work. There is the assumption that porn and sex work are always particularly exploitative for women, which just isn’t true. So many female performers are empowered and elevated by what they do! 

First off, how are you and how is your 2021 going?

I’m doing pretty good! I moved to the seaside at the start of this year and it’s done wonders for my mental health. It’s given me the headspace to focus on creative projects as well as sex education. Still feeling quite introverted after over a year of staying at home, but I’m focussing on going at my own pace when it comes to social interactions and dating IRL again.

Can you tell us about the work you do online?

I’m a sex educator, and I mostly talk about pleasure, queerness, and non-monogamy. It’s all about challenging preconceptions of what we’ve been taught sex ‘should’ look like, and helping people gain the confidence to have sex in the ways they truly want to. I also talk about body positivity – through showing the (mostly) joyful relationship I have with my wibbly wobbly body on instagram, as well as running Body Love Sketch Club with my pal Rosy Pendlebaby.

BLSC is a body-positive life drawing class where everyone
is invited to pose (nude or clothed) as well as draw, as a way of exploring our relationships with our bodies and celebrating nudity in a non-sexual setting. We’ve been running classes virtually since the start of the pandemic, and it’s been a great way to feel connected to myself and everyone who attends while we’ve not been able to see each other in person. It’s a really beautiful space if I say so myself!

How did you get started in sex positive/sex education work?

I started working for Brook, the UK’s leading sexual health charity for young people, 6 years ago. Before then I’d had an interest in sex positivity, but it wasn’t until I started going into classrooms and teaching young people relationship and sex education (RSE) that I realised just how important it is! A few years later, when I was still with Brook, I ran my first workshop for an adult audience (it was about how to consume porn in a
mindful and positive way). I found that adult audiences had just as many questions as the teenagers she worked with – wherever we’re at in life, there’s always more we can learn about sex.

Just like us you’re a huge advocate for self-pleasure, why do you think it’s so important for us to talk openly about it online?

By denying the existence of pleasure, or stigmatising it, we create layers of
shame which is so hard to unpack, and this has a massive impact on our self-esteem in so many parts of life, not just when we’re having sex. Pleasure is something we are all able to generate for ourselves, how, when, and if we feel like it, and I’m proud to be one of the voices advocating for a celebration of self-pleasure.

What opinions would you love to see change in the mainstream media over the next few years?

I could spend hours answering this… but in short, I want mainstream media to cultivate a more sex-positive attitude, whether that’s part of a conversation explicitly about pleasure, or about broader cultural topics. Oh and if they could celebrate trans lives instead of questioning and scrutinising trans folks, that would be great too!

We’re super excited to see your announcement for a podcast! What can
people expect to tune into?

Thank you! I’m so excited for people to listen. Each episode I’m exploring a topic that’s close to my heart – nudity, kink, non-monogamy, surviving sexual assault – and I talk to several different guests about it to present a multi-faceted experience for the listener. I’m all about showing how nuanced these massive topics can be, and celebrating how varied
our perspectives can be.

Can you tell us about your book ‘Sex Ed: A Guide for Adults’ and how it came to be?

I don’t think sex is talked about half as much as it should be. And the conversations we do have about sex aren’t focused enough on pleasure! I wanted to create a guide where readers felt welcomed into a sex-positive world, full of tips and practical information, as well as a space where they’d feel reassured that their sexual is valid and glorious just as it is. And I’m so grateful to Sofie Birkin for creating such gorgeous illustrations throughout
the book. This isn’t a book about quick fixes to ‘spice up your sex life’. It provides a way of looking at your sexual pleasure with more agency, acceptance, and joy, which I hope will make a long term difference to people’s lives.

What are you currently working on?

Right now I’m in podcast-mode most of the time, you’ll be able to hear what
I’m cooking up later in the year. And I’ve got lots of exciting content planned for pride month, which will be out soon.

Who are some of your current favourite follows?

So many to choose from! @iamrukiat, @squirtingisntpee,
@decolonisingcontraception, and @s3xtheorywithdemi are my current
favourite sex-positive accounts. And @pelillosalamar’s page always brings
me such joy, their brightly coloured images of bodies are gorgeous!

What does your perfect weekend look like?

I spend so much time on screens during the week, I do my best to take a pause from Instagram and emails over the weekend to reset. Now I’m a full-time seaside babe, my perfect weekend is leaving my phone at home, and heading to the beach for a day of swimming and frolicking with my loved ones. I’d want to be in a nude-friendly space, with an ice lolly in one hand and a vegan jelly in the other (I bloody love jelly). And once the sun sets, I’d throw on my silliest sparkly outfit and head to a queer club. Although I’m a granny at heart, so in this dream scenario I either have the stamina to dance all night, or I’d be back home and tucked up in bed by 1!

What do you always carry with you?

I always have my massive pair of orange-tinted sunglasses on me. Even if it’s a cloudy day, the lenses brighten up my surroundings and make me smile! And I have an emergency sachet of cystitis medication in my bag at all times, cos my urethra can go from tranquil to a burning hellscape in a matter of minutes… always be prepared!

What would your last ever meal be?

A ginormous, over-the-top jelly! Vegan of course, and hopefully large enough that I could dive into it.

What is one positive piece of advice you could give to our audience?

Your relationship to sex has the potential to impact your whole life, and it’s worth putting the time in to learn and explore. Be brave, stay curious and communicate with yourself and those around you. Never forget that you are worthy of respect, love, pleasure and FUN!

Vibrators have enjoyed quite the glow up recently and for that we say AMEN.

Between the thumping bedside table rabbits and medieval looking bullets, it was was slim pickings back there for a while but now, our sex toys are finally as beautiful as they are effective. We can only hope their rumbling vibrations set off the machines at the airport because the world needs to see how pretty pleasure can be.

Step aside ears and ammunition, for the self-pleasure menu has evolved into an all you can eat buffet of slick and silent greatness with the likes of The Firefighter to The French Lover (it has a tongue) coming through with all the battery life, outrageous good looks and clitoral chivalry we need from our sex toys.

If this is the first you’re hearing of this iconic duo, you’re about to have the meet-cute of your life. They’re two proud members of the Smile Makers Collective and trust us when we say they are men of their word.

From oral sex simulators to vulva vibrators, there’s a toy for every kind of pleasure in the Smile Makers squad, so naturally we had to try them out because we take our jobs very seriously and what good is a section of the website dedicated to We Tried reviews if we’re not going to road test sex toys, for crying out loud.

If you came here for a good time and first hand (ahem) write-ups of what is essentially the opening chapter of a collection of masturbation memoirs, you’ve landed in the right spot. Carry on reading to find out what happened when six women were let loose with a bunch of vibrators…

The French Lover

If there’s one thing Smile Makers do very well, it’s tearing up trash taboos around self-pleasure, one vibrator at a time. All their products are pretty, playful, approachable (sorry, just over here making them sound like a soppy ol’ Labrador) and aesthetically superior, making masturbation something to celebrate and embrace on the daily.

The French Lover has a sensual touch to mimic oral sex so if you’re not keen on vigorous, heavy-handed clit stimulation, you guys will hit it off right away. The vibrator is made of silicone with a soft top which, if you’re used to the targeted vibrations of a bullet for example, might take you by surprise but not necessarily in a bad way.

Top tip: go to town with the lube for a more realistic oral sex experience. Shop the French Lover here!

The Tennis Pro

Well if there’s ever a product I’ve looked forward to reviewing, this is it. I genuinely really enjoyed the whole process, from choosing the toy, to giving it a spin.

I did the quiz online to determine which one of the toys I wanted to try out. I tend to prefer penetrative sex and haven’t found my g-spot so the Tennis Pro was an obvious choice. It’s angled to target the g-spot and has different settings for how fast you want to vibrations.

The product comes with a great leaflet teaching you how to explore yourself and is really insightful. I was so excited to play a match with the Tennis Pro (hehe, see what I did) I was sure I was going to find my g-spot first time round. But after a few tries, no luck unfortunately.
Despite having not found my g-spot, it was still very enjoyable. And what a shame, I’ll have to keep trying.

The packaging is discrete and I can say hands down this is the prettiest sex toy I’ve ever seen. Shop The Tennis Pro here.

The Firefighter

Hellooo Firefighter. I don’t know if this name is supposed to conjure up images of wet, wet, wet but my hopes were certainly high as this toy is unlike anything I’ve used before and its description definitely gets the pulse racing. Initially I have to say it took me a while to work out exactly the best position and pressure to apply as I’m normally a fan of clitoral stimulation exclusively and the focus this toy has on the labia too was a little different.

Despite that, I really loved how many settings and rhythms there were and how each provided something a little different whilst still being really quiet- maybe the quietest toy I own! The material is SO silky smooth and really lovely to use against the skin too. I absolutely love the Smile Makers website and Instagram and how accessible their content is which makes the idea of trying something new feel exciting and not intimidating. The Firefighter lives on my bedside table and its pastel pink gorgeousness is something I’m more than happy to have out on display. We love to see it! Shop The Firefighter here.

The Billionaire

Where do I start, I was so excited to be reviewing a Smile Makers product, especially because I already owned the Firefighter which is a really, really good vibrator. What I particularly like about Smile Makers is they are super user friendly, fantastic for someones first sex toy as they aren’t intimidating at all. The packaging is super cute, the ethos behind the company is fabulous as well, I like that it’s all centred around the needs and desires of people with vulvas.

So I did the Smile Makers online quiz to determine what toy was best suited for me. I did want to try something out that offered clitoral and penetrative stimulation, so was pretty happy when I was recommended The Billionaire which does just that. The material is super smooth and feels really luxurious on the skin. This vibrator has some pretty intense vibration settings too, I was actually quite taken aback when I first turned it on ha!

The power of this vibrator is INSANE. Like… I absolutely recommend it to anyone looking to buy a new vibrator. I have always struggled to hit climax with vibrators or any sex toys, it’s always felt good but I’ve never completely finished. Well… this, has changed the game. So 10/10 Smile Makers!

The French Lover

So, sex toy review didn’t think I’d ever be doing this for work but hey ho there we go! Even though this is anonymous I’m still feeling pretty vulnerable as I do genuinely want to share my experience with you and not just tell you about the speeds and features of my newly beloved French Lover.

When I first had a look at Smile Makers reinvented original collection I was definitely drawn to the Firefighter, I’m not sure why, I think the shape of it just looked like something that would fit nicely in the ol’ vulva and apply the majority of the pressure to the clitoris, however after taking their quick quiz to determine what would be right for me I ended up with The French Lover.

I believe this kind of hinged on how intense I liked my vibrations which I clicked ‘light’ but I wasn’t 100% sure on, as I didn’t know how severe I liked my vibes. The French Lover’s main aim is to mimic oral sex which is why it has a tongue-like shape to it. I can’t remember what I was expecting before trying out Frenchie, I don’t own a ton of sex toys but my most classically used is more like a hard shaft (lol) that I would mostly use on my clitoris, so I was excited to give something more gentle a try.

What else can I say except I really enjoyed using this both on my own and with a partner and it definitely brought me some great orgasms. I actually think this is a really good starter toy if you’re looking to experiment or if you’re a seasoned pro looking for something quite light and casual. I haven’t managed to try this one in the bath but I think it would work really well in there too!

Shop The Post

*This post is not part of a paid promotion however it contains gifted products and ad-affiliate links

We don’t need to tell the vagina-owners in the room that the clitoris is our sexual pleasure capital. Literally, its sole purpose is to exist to feel good and we respect that kind of thirst.

Despite what porn and the movies would have you believe, the majority of women and people with vulvas cannot reach orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. Say it louder for the people at the back.

Sixty percent of vulva owners in the UK say that clitoral stimulation is key to climax with a partner, whilst 64% say it is key to climax during masturbation.

To sum up, then: our clitoris is a big, huge throbbing deal – touch it enough times and sure enough, a genie will appear and grant all your wildest wishes, so why is our most powerful pleasure spot so misunderstood?

Let’s circle back to sex education for a hot minute. Traditional sex ed does an excellent job of neglecting the importance of pleasure in sex, particularly where women and vulva-having people are concerned.

It’s no coincidence that we grow up confusing our vulva and vagina because the female anatomy is only ever defined against the a heteronormative, penetration-centric societal norm but we are so much more than a semen bag-drop or child-bearing receptacle, my friends.

In a study commissioned by Smile Makers at the end of 2020, surveying 1,000 of women over the age of 20, only 12% said they had received a sex education that had equipped them well to understand their pleasure and 78% did not have access to either pleasure-positive sex education or other sources of information on the topic of pleasure.

We’re calling out traditional sex ed – time to get with the programme (that’s pleasure-based sex ed btw) and give our clitorises the airtime they deserves.

Clitoracy – The Mission to Make the Clitoris Known:

To fully understand clitoral orgasms and their pleasure-giving superpowers, we need to get up close and personal with our anatomy. Contrary to popular belief, the clitoris is much bigger than the little nub we think it is, like an iceberg, there’s a lot more going on under the surface. It is a sprawling underground empire, equipped with 8,000 nerve endings. That’s nearly twice the amount found in the head of the penis but please, do carry on teaching us about wet dreams and boners.

As the clitoris swells in size upon arousal, it can press against the anterior wall of the vagina around an area known as the G-spot. As the current state of science explains it, it is an erogenous zone through which both the vagina and the clitoris come in contact. This is why internal stimulation can partly be clitoral stimulation as well.

Setting the record straight on clitoral orgasms vs vaginal orgasms:

Turns out, they’re all one and the same after all (a school bell sounds, your work here is done, you can all go home). Vaginal orgasms are often credited as the best type of orgasm – we can all blame Sigmund Freud for that one – but as the vast majority of us who can’t reach orgasm without clitoral stimulation would suggest, those elusive vaginal Os are pretty hard to come by. Literally. In fact, according to a study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, a whopping 75% of us need clitoral stimulation to orgasm.

Recent studies have pooh-poohed the idea that two types of orgasm even exist and that however they happen, it’s always down to the clitoris. Just how much land can one clitoris own?

That’s not to say vaginal orgasms are a complete fabrication, they’re just a fairly rare phenomenon and the credit almost certainly belongs to – you guessed it – ya golden girl, The Clit.

Technique:

When it comes to stimulation, everyone has their own modus operandi. Some people like the whole palm of the hand to be involved, for others, it’s a combination of less pressure and soft touches or intense vibrations directly on the clitoris. Each vulva-having person has their preferences and there’s no rule of thumb (or finger, or vibrator) where your pleasure is concerned, which is why communication and experimentation is basically what’s going to get you all the way to tingle town.

Don’t be afraid to explore what makes you feel good whether you’re going solo or enjoying coupled sex. Pleasure can be found in all kinds of mysterious places, from using the flow of water from the shower head to making your pillow work hard but play harder. Get curious! There’s no right or wrong way to get your clit-kicks.

Best positions for clit stim

Stroking, massaging, vibrating and licking can all vary in intensity depending on your position. Some people find having their legs totally relaxed and stretched out gets them there, while others prefer being on all fours or on their stomachs against a pillow they can rub against. There’s no magic formula for clit stim.

During penetrative sex, clitorises can often get ignored and we do not accept that kind of neglect around here. There are plenty of positions you and your partner can have a go at to make sure your clitoris is always front and centre.

The Snake – lie on your front and stimulate your clitoris with a toy or your hands whilst a partner or a dildo enters from behind, let them slither in. Sorry, we’ll see ourselves out.

Spooning – whether it’s you or your partner reaching round, there’s plenty of access to the clitoris in this intimate position, just make sure you go full open sesame style with that top leg so your clitoris isn’t smuggled away. It’s basically a glorified cuddle and we’re here for it.

Downward doggy – now there’s a yoga move we’re heavily invested in. Lower your chest to the bed, keeping your hips raised whilst your partner or dildo enters you from behind. Your partner can reach around and stimulate your clitoris or you can pleasure yourself with your hands or a vibrator of your choice.

The Bridge – admittedly, the one’s not for the faint-hearted because it’s basically a Les Mills body conditioning class but getting into the bridge position with your back resting on the bed and your feet flat leaves your clitoris wide open for action.

Reverse Cowgirl – using your hands to balance, lean back so your partner can reach round with their fingers and caress your breasts and clitoris. Yee-haw.

Clit-block the shame game

We are so sick of women and vulva-owners carrying shame – shame for masturbating, shame for menstruating, shame for not being able to reach orgasm, it’s a tale as old as time isn’t it?

And whilst we’re on the subject of orgasms, how IS the Duke of Hastings lately? We’re a nation in mourning after the tragic Bridgerton Season 2 news and we’re going to need him to drop some fresh material as a matter of urgency.

Something’s up with sex ed for young people, have you noticed? It sucks. There’s a clash between what parents want, what governing bodies and policy makers want and want teens and adults want and more importantly, let’s be real here, what they need.

P-l-e-a-s-u-r-e. That eight-letter word is likely something we stumble upon ourselves because traditional sex ed failed to tell us that sex and intimacy is for us to enjoy too, it’s not just something that happens to us to please men.

The fundamentals of sex-positive education

Sex-positive sex education stresses consent and pleasure rather than fear and shame. It advocates for knowledge, champions curiosity and confidence and cultivates the skills necessary for developing gender-equitable, mutually respectful relationships.

Standard sex education practices create a disproportionate focus on the negative health risks and consequences of sex, eradicating pleasure and sex-positive information from the conversation altogether, particularly in relation to physical and emotional wellbeing.
Sex-positive education fills in those blanks, so teens and grown-ups alike can manage their personal and social lives with confidence.

Body awareness

Pleasure anatomy isn’t part of our compulsory learning (yet) and as a result, a lot of us would have a hard time correctly identifying our vulva or drawing our clitoris to scale. It’s kind of like when you realise how long an owl’s legs are. Mind-blown.

According to a survey by a UK gynaecological cancer charity Eve Appeal, 6 out of 10 of women could correctly label the anatomy of the male body, but only a third of them could correctly map the female anatomy. There is a lack of education on the sexual anatomy, especially female sexual anatomy.

In a study commissioned by Smile Makers at the end of 2020, surveying 1,000 of women over the age of 20, only 12% said they had received a sex education that had equipped them well to understand their pleasure and 78% did not have access to either pleasure-positive sex education or other sources of information on the topic of pleasure.

That study also showed that women who have had access to pleasure-positive sex education lead indeed happier sex lives.

The impact of pleasure-positive sex education

A striking finding of the Smile Makers survey was that women who have had access to pleasure-positive sex education are 26% more likely than others to be satisfied with their sex lives. They are 16% more likely to say they know their body sexually well and 20% more likely to say that their partner knows their body well. They are also two times more likely to have turned COVD-19 lockdowns into positive experiences and to reflect on how they will adjust their sexual behaviours to a post-pandemic world.

Challenging gender norms

Sex positive and pleasure-based sex education acknowledges a greater diversity of sexualities, challenging societal norms and the heteronormative discourse and ensuring minority groups are seen understood and represented.

People want LGBTQ+ content and sexual health information that equips all sexual orientations with the education and medically accurate information they need.

Sex ed content is often incredibly binary, limited to menstruation for girls, erections and wet dreams for boys, which further perpetuates the disparity between girls and boys and the notion of reproduction vs sexual arousal.

Pleasure is not a dirty word

There is a concern that education programmes with explicit focus on sexuality and pleasure will encourage more sex but research shows pleasure-based sex ed, combined with honest comprehensive discussions and safer sex messaging, can not only help reduce unwanted pregnancies and STIs but also foster a safer, healthier and more inclusive society. Discussing pleasure alongside basic anatomy, unplanned pregnancies and STIs can enhance equality and empowerment for all.

The team at Smile Makers, working with sexual health experts, define pleasure-positive sex education as “an invitation to look at sexuality as a human experience that contributes positively to our overall wellbeing. It aims at providing a more authentic, inclusive and joyful understanding of sex and sexual pleasure, and in the process, at debunking shame.

Education starts with normalising pleasure as a fundamental part of being human, firstly, outside of the context of sex – what feels good, what’s fulfilling? This then fosters a healthy and positive mindset around the pursuit of pleasure and facilitates the same awareness and mindfulness when applied to sexual relationships later in life, not just for male able bodies but for all bodies.

Change is happening

For the first time 20 years, the official government guidance on relationships and sex education and health education (RSE) has been updated and since September last year, it has been compulsory for all schools to teach this new curriculum.

In primary schools, RSE will focus on the fundamental building blocks and characteristics of positive relationships, with particular reference to family relationships (including single-parent families, adoptive parents, LGBTQ+ parents) and friendships. According to Gov.uk, they’ll learn about the concept of personal space, boundaries and understanding the differences between appropriate or inappropriate/unsafe physical, and other, contact.

There’s no mention of pleasure or masturbation, so there’s still a long way to go where sex-positive and pleasure-based education is concerned but now RSE is going to be reviewed every three years, there’s hope for a more inclusive syllabus and a safer, more empowered generation, yet.

Have you ever heard the terms rabbit and bullet bandied around and thought, now there’s a duo I wouldn’t want to find anywhere near my vagina? Then hello and welcome, this is blog post that is entirely weighted in favour of your orgasms.

Without further ado, let’s get into our round up of sex toys for beginners – you’ll be buzzing like a cranky fridge in no time.

Endless Love

With 14 different uses and 100 vibration combos, the Endless Love toy is the gift that keeps on giving. The curved design and flexible arm provide endless lovemaking possibilities (clue’s in the name) and hours of exciting play whether using alone or together, on top, against, in, under or in-between. Your soul will leave your body in the best possible way. Be sure to download the Satisfyer Connect app to control your device, and use the extensive range of intimate experiments.

Purchase it here and use code FEBLOVE40UK for 40% off!

The Surfer

Let’s start with the sultry staples. If you own a clitoris, you’re gonna need a toy that greets your hooded heroine with nothing less than a royal reception of pulsations and vibrations. Small, sleek and practically soundless, The Surfer is bound to make waves in your boudoir. It’s a great compact entry point vibrator that eases you into your self-pleasure journey and looks right at home on your bedside table too. Glide it all over your erogenous zones, make it a body party why don’t you.

Purchase it here!

Excite 10 Function Rabbit Love Ring

Although it’s designed for people with a penis, the humble cock ring is the ultimate couple’s toy, serving up pleasure for both parties. Worn on the shaft of the penis, it keeps your erection harder for longer by gently constricting the blood flow and offers clitoral stimulation during hetero intercourse. Featuring 3 speeds and 7 vibration patterns, you can customise your mutual pleasure with the simple touch of a button. Sharing is caring, people.

Purchase it here!

LELO Picobong Transformer

Is it a skipping rope? Is it a two-headed tadpole? You’ll be glad to hear it’s neither of those things. This intriguing bit of sex tech does it all. From clitoral stimulator to double ended dildo and prostrate massager – as intimate toys go, this one’s basically a contortionist ready to twist and bend to suit your needs. What a time to be alive.

Purchase it here and use code LOVE10 for 10% off!

The Penguin

Because why shouldn’t your pleasure products dress for the occasion? It’s been 12 long months since we dressed to the nines, so at least someone is making the effort round here and this tuxedo shall not be wasted on us. This Cute with a capital C Penguin stimulates the clitoris using Satisfyer’s revolutionary suction-like technology featuring 11 modes of intensity and a whisper-quiet mode for discreet downstairs action. Your housemates will be none the wiser.

Purchase it here and use code FEBLOVE40UK for 40% off!

8 Function Mini Magic Wand Vibrator

No one wants to be shelling out the big bucks for their first experimental wand, nope. At this point, you’re probably looking for the appetiser or a side plate, not the kind of main that leaves you stuffed and unable to walk. Ahem. This sleek and powerful gadget offers 8 speeds and patterns in a travel-friendly size so you can take it with you wherever you go (not that we’re going anywhere these days!)

Purchase it here!

The Fruity Delight

Who knew a radish could have us throbbing at the loin. There’s a first time for everything! All hail the glass dildo of dreams, the fairest of all the land – sleek, cute, aesthetically banging, it’s like Cinderella’s slipper on heat and we are now fully committed to getting our five a day, the fairytale way.

Purchase it here!

Booty Blue Butt Plug

If you like your buzz from behind but don’t know where to start, then a little petite anal plug is a great introduction to booty play for beginners.

Purchase it here!

The Ballerina

Ever feel like your whole vagina needs a hug from top to bottom? Enter ‘The Ballerina’. An expert in her field, she handles your intimate anatomy with all the grace and synchronised finesse of Tchaikovsky‘s Dance of the cygnets. The palm-sized toy cups the vulva in an intimate embrace and provides a unique velvety texture akin to a lover’s touch. Swan Lake has got nothing on this dancing queen.

Purchase it here!

Love Triangle

The Satisfyer Love Triangle combines proven Air-Pulse Technology with deep vibrations to bring you to your personal pleasure pinnacle with ease. The sleek triangle shape with a lid makes this one of our more subtle selections, but we can guarantee your experience will be anything but subtle!

Purchase it here and use code FEBLOVE40UK for 40% off!

This post is not part of a paid advertisement, however we have worked with Satisfyer in the past.

Hello lockdown 3.0. It’s set to be a rampant one.

Since we’ve recently renewed our membership to the stay at home club, albeit for a rolling, cancel at any time contract (we hope), we’re going to do a few things differently this time round, starting with self-care. And by self-care, we mean drastically increasing our chances of having an orgasm by touching ourselves regularly or having a beloved partner do it for us.

Whether you’re all about vibrating ears, budget-friendly bullets or pulsating tongue-mimicking machines, enjoy next level masturbation and peak partnered sex with our round-up of sex toys from entry point vibrators (oh look honey, she made a joke) to top tier playthings for loved-up couples looking to switch things up.

And look, if all else fails, we will always have Bridgerton and THAT is one failsafe journey to finding your pinnacle.

3 Speed Bullet Vibrator

Ann Summers | £5 | Shop it here

If this is your first foray into self-pleasure, then first of all welcome, congratulations and happy girthday. You’re about to reach a whole new level of introspection. The thumb-sized bullet is great for gentle and discreet solo play. Complete with three speed settings, a tapered tip for targeted clitoral stimulation and a beautiful, if a little cunning, exterior that could easily pass for a lipstick, it’s one smooth operator.

Rampant Rabbit G Spot Stroking Vibrator

Ann Summers | £42 | Shop it here

Whilst the Rampant Rabbit can look a bit like an angry hare poised for confrontation and ready to box your best bits, it’s a gentle giant really. The RR boasts an impressive 4.5″ stature, 7 vibration settings, a ribbed shaft and clitorally stimulating ears to make all your pleasure-seeking pursuits a solid 20/10 experience. Don’t know about you but we’re listening.

Dame Fin

*Free People | £78 | Shop it here

Not all sex toys are created equal and this is one woman of rank. The mistress of masturbation is like a majestic finger puppet, seamless for your pleasure. Whether you’re in it for a solo run through or up for bit of audience interaction (oh yes she is), it’s sure to give you the standing O-vation you so deserve.

Dream Wand Rechargeable Mini

*Love Honey | £29.99 | Shop it here

They say magic isn’t real, but we wager £5 it is and it exists and resides in this wish-granting baton. This wand is a small and mighty bedside companion with 4 levels of intensity – hooray for a tier system we are only too happy to climb. With 7 settings and a battery life that’ll have no problem working away at your congested backlog of uncatchable orgasms, it’s a great all-rounder.

Womanizer Duo Rabbit Vibrator

*Love Honey | £179.99 | Shop it here

Anything with sex toy of the year accolades has our full attention. This superior sex toy only activates once in contact with the skin meaning you’ll get all of the pleasure with none of the noise. We wouldn’t dare splash out on that ergonomic computer chair because Dear Spine that wants for nothing, we’re not made of money but an ergonomic vibrator? Sign us up and keep the change, ya filthy animal.

The Fireman

*Feel Unique Smile Makers | £39.95 | Shop it here

Cliteracy lesson number one: 4 in 5 clitoris-owners reach orgasm via clitoral stimulation, not penetrative sex, so let that be all the reassurance you need (and all the sex ed they need) that your clitoris should not in fact be treated like a Sleeping Beauty spindle or the perilous lips of a Venus fly trap but rather like a precious cashmere purse, born to be cupped perfectly in the hand and stroked. A lot. The Fireman, named after its flame-like form and ability to fire up your burning loins (probably), is one such sex toy that will make sure your clitoris gets its due attention. Featuring a rounded protruding nub of a nose for optimal clitoral stimulation, discreet shape, 4 speeds and 2 pulsation modes, your wild furnace is in good hands here.

F1s Developers Kit

Lelo | £135 | Shop it here

If stats and apps get them going, then consider this high-performance sex-tech a gift any penis-having partner will love. Combining powerfully intense dual motors, the patented Cruise Control setting and Lelo’s revolutionary SenSonic technology, it massages their member with deeply satisfying sonic waves. Oh, and it comes with a little window, so they can watch all the action as it happens. It’s basically this season’s incomparable diamond. And that’s not all. Using the free SDK, they can personalise their pleasure through the bougie customisable internal sensors. What could be a better present than pleasure at their fingertips and a little peephole to boot?

The Frenchman

*Smile Makers Collection | 39.95 | Shop it now

Powerful, quiet and remarkably good at oral, that’s The Frenchman in a nutshell. Perfect for solo sessions or couple fun, its ice cream scoop shape is designed to mimic the touch of a tongue, so add a few squirts of lube and indulge in the best French kiss of your life. Sacrebleu!

Eva II

*Cult Beauty – Dame Products | £135 | Shop it now

Best for: a hands-free wank. The revolutionary design of Eva II gets you there without the bastardly hand cramp. The wings tuck under the labia while the rest of the toy tends to your clitoris. We stan lazy orgasms.

Sona 2 Cruise

Lelo | £119 | Shop it now

Aka the clit sucker. It delivers full body shivers thanks to its toe-curling sonic wave technology, designed to mimic the feeling of oral sex. It’s a small but perfectly formed gem.

TENGA Egg Penis Masturbator

*Love Honey | £9.99 | Shop it now

Cheap and cheerful does the job. This textured masturbating egg designed with penis-owners in mind will ensure your sexual experience is always sunny side up. Pour in some lube and crack on.

Desire Knicker Vibrator

*Love Honey | £69.99 | Shop it now

Slip into the ribbon-tie briefs provided and hand over all control to your partner. The whisper-quiet machine is wirelessly controlled from up to 8 metres away. Zoom 3.0 just got interesting.

Womanizer Premium Smart Silence Clitoral Stimulator

*Love Honey | £169.99 | Shop it now

With its mind-blowing Pleasure Air Technology (aka unreal sucking action) and 12 intensity settings ranging from soft gentle purr to butt-clenching roar, the Premium Womanizer will make any notable orgasm you’ve ever experienced look like a pathetic outbreath in comparison, like the short-lived puff of air in an eye test. Tonight, we vibe like queens.

Classic Metallic Magic Wand

*Love Honey | £49.99 | Shop it now

You know it’s a serious piece of kit when it’s mains powered. Operated using a handy little scroll wheel of fortune, you can dial up your pleasure as much or as little as you want, from soft relaxing rumbles to intense all-encompassing vibrations. Orgasm roulette… what a time to be alive.

Obii

Biird | £82 | Shop it now

Meet Obii – clit-lead, aesthetically-pleasing pleasure at your service. Combining suction sensations with whisper-quiet powerful vibrations, Obii is ready to deliver your best-blended orgasm yet. Other honourable mentions include: could easily pass as a reading light, a stress ball or an essential oil diffuser when sat proudly on your bedside table. Let’s hear it for sex toys that blend in AND stand out.

*This post contains ad-affiliate links